Crippling depression edition
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Im a talentless loser ugly neet with no prospects and no hope
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I dont want this life
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Previous thread >>5522438
>Crippling depression edition
Dont you all post at once now.
>when work is no longer enough to repress your self loathing
alriftht good morning(?) eveyrone im hoping everybody is doibng okay and i look forward to talking to you all first i shower
this gif reminds me of a low point of my life. it was the middle of the afternoon on like a tuesday and I was high and had just made a turkey sandwich and here I am looking over this sandwich and I just start crying heavily and start eating the sandwich,. I then start laughing at the same time because im realizing in my high mind how fucked up my life is that I just hit a low point because im bawling while eating a turkey sandwich and then laughing some more.
when I worked at the timberyard, every sunday I would get a whole bunch of chinese food and I would be there waiting and there would be people walking by and the gravity of just how depressing it was always would make me feel like dieing
food is the worst
Someday my friend, when I manage to escape from Afghanistan.
>don't have a passport
>don't have money
then I can trek to Edmontonstan
Idk even how to kiss though
Someone teach me pls
>i want to be a pretty grill
>dont look at me
I have to constantly remind myself that this isn't reliable logic based in reality, most of you are just mentally ill.
If you're a pretty woman then get use to being "chased" like all other pretty women.
Gonna move there, buy an empty plot of land and have a comfy little house.
>tfw win $1,000,000 from the powerball.....in my dreams
At least no one won the jackpot
But I want to live in a comfy house with friends and cuddle and shit
>ywn thoroughly grope and tease kaylas body while she wears her moms dress and thigh highs making her shiver with anticipation before you flip up her dress and rub miss cock as you pump deep between her cheeks
Why life senpai
I brought a Blitzcrank plushie at comic con eehhhh! :3
If you Brits had just stayed outta WW1
Indians wouldn't get uppity about independence for much longer, Africans wouldn't have seen that they could easily just revolt from the Empire.
Everything would've been happy
(Except France and Russia)
See you there
Hopefully hormones by then
>my hon bod
Kuppy please don't make me say it again, you don't have any more of a hon bod than I do
Evening /mtfg/ how is everyone tonight!?
I just autistically researched a lot of shit after playing paracucks games
I did Rise of Hitler in last year and will be doing the 1917 Russian Revolutions
Don't really know much about the Pacific Theatre of WW2 (except Japan got rekt)
>nothing is more demoralizing than failing to kill yourself!
I dragged myself out of bed to like this post
it's getting light out rn aaaAAAAA
can't sleep help
I've read a couple books on Japan during WWII and have some I haven't read abt the SS since I found the war rlly interesting but idk senpai
I just wanna pass l-lol
>what is the full definition of hon
well if u look in the dictionary
at the word hon
you'll just find a pic of me
It can either be
An old and ugly transitioner (derived from the website Susans.org, in which many users were middle aged and used the word hun/hon a lot)
or just an ugly and very masculine MtF
Shhhh I passed on the hard stuff tonight and took mushies instead of coke and rcs, pls no bully ;_;
Aaah do you have a lot of stuff to move?
>i was just memeing you desu
o-oh those sound v bad ; _ ;
what are mushies ?? are they squishy ??
>Aaah do you have a lot of stuff to move?
uhmm not too much !! most of my rooms done but the living room is kind of a mess l-lol
yesterday was my last night in this house kinda surreal after 5 years !!
well uhm they taste good and if u roast them and get all the moisture out they're a pretty yummy filling......
imi where u @ back me up here
oops 4 years actually
but yeh longest we've lived anywhere
idk most of the ppl I know have lived in the same place their whole lives since their families own houses but I guess it gets different as you age
my best friend from elementary school is like 19 now and still lives in the same house .-.
let's go pig out at like
chicken wow then honestly
AUTHENTIC, REAL, FRIED CHICKEN™
Experience has told me that if you're going to try minor ones, set your limits well in advance. The right combination of factors comes along sometimes and it's way too easy to get in deeper than planned.
vegemite actually is v good. i could see doing this slowly licking with butter knife if too depressed to go buy food, sadly we just have marmite here usually, which is not as good
this is really hard to relate to and understand how might be possible without knowing someone. if being trans or alternately miserable/fucked-up-for-life or both had an alternative where it could have all been avoided, i mean like we've all thought about it, and like presume anyone would have sense to avoid--it's like not an easy life, and people hate you for your struggles, it isolates you.
if you can't go back, you can't go back, that's relatable. that's why we assume people who decide they need pills have made a pretty solid defined decision they can't handle and have to try to stop/reverse what's happening/happened to them. --if you can get out def do, just people who "remit" seem so rare, unless the fad fascination with us really has deluded people into thinking being trans is some safe position in society that people would sanely "choose". the choice is typically one of harm reduction and not much of a choice at all
could probably get something going playing in bars or hip restaurants in the city. astronomy is something different though. basically a phd is required for an entry level job.
i kno rite? i saw all the qt anime girls here and said "i wanna be like them!!!" now, i am taking pills and my dick shrank! i now have a very feminine penis and i couldn't be happier.
>>going to Edmonton
>Don't do it ;_;
also yeah, elanna is serious: cities other than montreal, toronto, or vancouver aren't v socially viable for trans women. calgary/edmo/ottawa-sized "cities" are meant for straights, cis gays, or ppl who still prefer or have no option to escape the miserable privacy these alienating sprawls allow
>tfw no strong gf to brutally fuck my brains out
I just want a scarred babe to have her way with me ;_;
I mean, most people here won't assault you at least? ;~;
Perhaps coming here unearthed some feelings you've been pushing away? That's kinda how it worked for me. As I slowly became less LGBT-phobic and learned more about transgirls the more I realized I was a girl and that was okay.
maybe you just accepted it
when i first discovered being trans around 13/14 i was like
>woah, that's me
and after discovering hons i was like
>maybe i'm not trans, maybe i'm just interested, but that's not me
I discovered hons first and I think when I was a kid it helped me feel like i was cis. I mean who looks at a hon and wants to be that? But then once I discovered transpeople can pass and look good, then I started feeling jealous and shitty and all that fun stuff.
yeah, i hate having to remind myself to be thankful of that priv. still doesn't pay the bills or keep good company tho. idk y i'm so out other than it's the only way i've felt safe/calm in a small city where i assume everyone talks, and certainly people def did when i transitioned--that ppl respect ppl's privacy since like the beginning of the last decade roughly leaves me in such awe, awe i still can't convert into belief tho
yeah you def need words for your feels, words we still don't have. we'll never know why we are the way we are, but sadly still are, all we can do is do what we can abt it.
maybe you were actually treated well enough as a male to leave you in a comfy trance--still don't know how reversable it is if a "trance" breaks. i think of that mike penner guy who transitioned, detransitioned, and suicided--and ppl amongst us even more personality disordered than usual
we need to be emotional tanks, yes. like even subconsciously there must be some sense that if we could not do this, our lives would be so much simpler. maybe that's it's latent in some ppl? idk?
idk i went on the original one in OP before i even tripped i think, but only for a few secs. the vibe seemed kindof one of familiar meantrans/rivalry, but i always anticipate and cringe in advance towards that
>no vicious anontrolling
>That's the best part of this thread though
lateral trolling is the mtf trans norm, i can see why ppl want out of it
Oh you know I liked it :3
I want to return the favour for a reason.
Yeah like I basically feel like I have to move away to truly be stealth in this city. I have been just straight up outed by people that I know and kind of have to be somewhat open in those situations and it really frustrates me. Happened again today ;_;
I'm so fucking sick of being the tranny.
i'm actually really sure i'm trans
and i was back then too
i mean, ok, thought when i was 14/15
>i'm trans, but maybe i could just live as a femboy
didn't actually do much, because my body still got more masculine every day and my depression/ dysphoria was getting worse
wasn't until 20 when i first got hrt, but i always tried to get it before, i just live in a shitty city
i'm sorry, that's what i've always lived in fear of and always nervously overshared to pre-empt. yeah i've always needed to move too, my health has always been a barrier tho. i'm lucky i live so close to montreal, but it's odd having closer social connections in other cities than where you live, and they are more work to nurture and not leave to lapse
there are upsides, but they're no sign of health themselves
>I have been just straight up outed by people that I know and kind of have to be somewhat open in those situations and it really frustrates me. Happened again today ;_;
>I'm so fucking sick of being the tranny.
wow, that's probably the worst thing that could happen
i hope to move somewhere else as soon as i pass/got ffs
yeah, no, i'm p sure u kno. was more commenting for someone else. thought u were relating to someone else on here who felt like exposure to here years ago made them trans, which was like uhm, hm, idk
def we have our traces to where we found out we even had options. and yeah none of us get the comfort of knowing why we are this way, despite how pressed we are to explain ourselves, and have only cliches to regurgitate
Montreal is a great city, and I'm jealous of you living as close to it as you are. If you're looking to start a new life it seems like a good opportunity.
Idk, I used to over share but now that I've stopped it seems like others are doing it for me. Fuck life.
I'm getting to the point where I feel like that's the best option. I wish you luck in moving when the time comes.
>tfw post pic in a rate thread on /soc/
>get 10+ rates
>a lot of them are from guys who only rate the girls in the thread
>one is a cis girl who compares me to a female celebrity
>get an average of 6.5
i-i guess this is ok
yeah, /soc/'s pretty godd for that
i did it a while back and everyone really thought i was a girl
one guy was like "woah, you're the woman of my dreams (didn't use makeup, and lot's of guys were like "oh, i like natural girls")
i couldn't actually believe it desu
i think moving isn't too hard, passing until then is though, and i can't move for another 2 years after that
i really hope i can get ffs before
>tfw 14 hours sleep
Sleeping during winter is so good.
>tfw got good boob growth but nipples are weird
>tfw no pointy nips
I thought there was a planned BC orgy as well. ;~;
They're more flat and a bit puffy and kind of big ;-;
I've been on hrt long i'm sure you'll get some too!
>tfw you don't speak french
no one but francos at birth speak good french. you can learn enough to get by. keep your ear attuned by watching french movies with french subtitles so fast speech doesn't cause words to run together in your head and throw you off when people speak quickly to you. french biases stress towards the end of words compared to english, it can have a weird effect
Oh okay ;_; that sucks.
Cowtits are in the family and I got ugly stretch marks.
You can have mine if you want ;_;
I can't pass ever anyway
trans women sleeping with each other across the quebec-windsor corridor and *not* in the city they actually live is bizarrely common. i slept with a former cool freaks wikipedia club mod because of this. hi if you're here btw!
>washing makeup brushes
My camera wouldn't stay still.
I balance it between my monitors and it slipped off and it's really hard to put it back
I'm designing the new logo for a game~
How's the rest of /mtfg/ today?
>not carrying your megamilk proudly in man mode
>Where'd you have in mind?
No idea yet.
I'm both spontanious, and free of the restrictions that come with the will to live.
I'd just get out a map, find the northmost dot (of at least 1000 people) and go there.
I might even find out where that is right now
2015 was the year of the broken foot for me. Four different injuries. My doc isn't sure if I have bone issues, or just stubbornness issues trying over and over to make running a thing again.
What kind of candy? I've got sour keys.
nobody has won the powerball yet
it's over one billion dollars now
kill me for working at a store that does lotto
No I can't but I think thick jackets help a bit.
My man face makes people forget about them though.
Hi girls!! I'm proud that I'm finally living my sissy dreams but now I need a big, strong daddy to take care of me and fill up my tummy with cummies. Do you have any tips for finding one? Also, do you like my outfit? I like dressing cute for daddy.
No one has ever said anything so I think my jacket tactics are working, can't go anywhere without a jacket without making it super awkward though.
Honey you look wonderful. Another tgurl here who posted a while ago but I wanted to come out of the shadows and congratulate you on your bravery. Your inner sissy is so beautiful!! Now you only need to find a sugar daddy. I wish I would only be so privileged.
~~xoxo Laura <3~~
the west coast is some other world.
everywhere else, yes frozen wastes, car-centric, isolating, gross plasticky toyish architecture, except in undemolished montreal. play menace ruine to the general idea and maybe it becomes endearing
Can you get progesterone from qhi if you ask them nicely?
My dad tried to make me start lifting, dunno why.
>don't see the point in making friends until i transition
>make this post
>will go to sleep after making it and will never see if it gets replies anyway
who else is illogical like i?
>she hugboxes me saying shit like i could pass.
Hugboxing is pretty awful tbhon
Is this life in Murrica?
>tfw my moms bf who is the kind of person you'd expect to hate lgbt and who dislikes immigrants is okay with me being trans
That is kind of funny desu.
Come move to San Francisco where nobody cares.
>tfw bf but he isn't that interested in me phyically and doesn't like cuddles.
Cool, why do you come here then? Just to tell random people you want to kill them?
Depends on where you are. My family and friends are pretty supportive of the whole trans thing.
>tfw you've never been in a relationship and you're 23 soon
Can transgirls be christmas cakes?
She took a turn for worse after getting dicked by Byrne.
It's sunday afternoon.
I have nowhere to go, no money to spend and no friends that aren't busy.
Friday night I got terribly rejected.
Saturday night I had to reject someone.
I feel like shit, give me some good music to listen to /mtfg/ and make it moody.
>7 years neet
>never been in a relationship
>gross man face
someone should have told me eastern ontario was raining and thawing while i dealt with the all to canadian problem of being short on liquor and prescription drugs. slush and melting frozen dog shit everywhere
If you wanna, i'm boring and whiny though.
Except for me.
Everyone wants to be friends with me :)
>tfw you were pretty delusional when you woke up but it ended quickly
>crippling depression edition
this is a great thread.
i spent basically all morning redoing basically all of my practice website because when first started on it my code was super messy and i couldn't take it anymore.
i wanna change the background and music, post some stuff for me to use or something.
They're in a poly relationship, that was still just..uncomfortable. I'm not sure how I stumble into situations like this.
Strangers don't tell me how I look though?
> First doctor put me up to obscene dosages of E and spiro by the second month.
> Things were amazing for the first month, getting the full monte of positive responses - full body orgasming, emotional lability, overall mood improvement, skin and hair changes, breast development, etc.
> Second month, everything stopped. No more feminine orgasms, no more development (only passive), etc. etc.
> By request, doc reduced my dosage to where it was in the first month.
> Barely anything came back, feels like I'm taking placebos.
Now here's my question - would it be worth it to stop right now and go on a few months of a break from hormones and get a new doctor? Would it help? I'm guessing that my receptors downregulated because of fucktarded doctoring, but I really don't know if stopping will improve it...
You should have your hormone levels checked. Its not good to be on too high doses of hormones.
Maybe you just got used to the changes, acclimation, happens to us all.
>full body orgasms from HRT, wut
I can't even talk to strangers how would I flirt with them?
Like I know i'm disgusting and unpleasat but I dunno if I could maybe pass as a disgusting woman.
A lot of people out there (especially if they haven't dated many others/ had sex with many partners) want to go out and experiment but don't want to lose their current partner.
They usually cheat and dont accept responsibility for their actions. People who cheat and get away with it are way more likely to do it over and over since positive reinforcement.
I don't listen to much overtly positive music. I primarily listen to sad and neutral desu. gomen.
I think mine started growing more after a year but i'm not sure since it's been long.
dw about it.
> full body orgasms from HRT, wut
Happened on the second day all the way until my dosage was boosted. Full body contractions, oh god - what I would pay to experience such bliss once more... It was so intense that usually, I couldn't bring myself to orgasm without a partner, and my hips would reflexively move on their own as if to impale an invisible cock inside of me.
After orgasm I'd usually fall asleep in that embarrassing position, since every muscle in my body would be utterly exhausted in every sense. At the very least, I'd have to catch my breath. Honestly, if I had an active sexual partner at that time I think I wouldn't be able to bear it. I've never felt such intensity in my entire life before. Honestly, that was the one time in my life that I actually legitimately thought it was possible to mindbreak girls like in doujinshi, I mean it's addictive, unbearable, and irresistable. Once it starts your body tires itself with contractions, and you quickly become effectively immobilized, unable to do anything but receive.
How low? I think I have an estrogen sensitivity or something because I'm taking half the dosages of other folks but getting more benefit than most based off of my bloodtests. I'm on patches, and I had 1300 somethings or so on a single 100 patch during the second month. Before that I was at 700~. Part of it could be because I weigh like, 115 lbs while I'm 5'9", and another part could be that I had high (outside of male ranges) estrogen.
> Not presenting.
> Go out, wear fantastic 100% unmistakably femme white winter jacket with size 0 jeans.
> No one gives me a second glance.
I think people just think I'm gay and don't even blink twice. I mean, it's not like they're being worn by someone with a hulking build - someone could probably make an acceptable argument with themselves that my build was small enough that I couldn't find a men's jacket in my size.
How far down?
>you will never pass
>you will never have slightly feminine face
I already have a boyfriend, and I got hit on more than a few times last night at a party.. so yeah more than a few boys :)