Shit, I find homosex to be really hot, and I'd secretly love the idea off sucking a built man with a big dick and have him fuck me in the ass(just 69 with average looking men). But Sometimes I just can seem to swallow the fact that I'm actually gay, I've been a "straight man" for so long. I'm too scared to have homosex with a stranger on grindr because I'm afraid of the shame I'll feel afterwards.
I just had an shameful anxiety induced masturbation session thinking about men, hell I tried jerking off to music videos of hot girls singing but I somehow always managed to think about men, penises and me going down on men. It's like the more I try to push my homosexual thoughts away the harder they come.
I haven't been shameful of my lust for a long time except today, after uni started again), I just feel like a faggot around heterosexual men and women.
Why did I have to figure out that I was a faggot and not a "straight guy" with a dick fetish that would sometimes try to hook up with guys when he got drunk?
I loved calling people faggots(not actual gays, more in a banter type of way) and claiming someone who was a bit girly/boyish was probably a closeted homosexual. How ironic isn't it?
I sometimes feel like my faggotry is just a mental disorder and I'm a weak individual with a weak mindset.
This song is how I feel. I'm half the man I used to be.
I don't, I was chatting with a old rich man on grindr last night, I was on anti anxiety medication at the time, we asked me if I could visit him at his house and stay the night, he was the same size as me, but I literally got hard for an hour(I usually don't get that hard on my own), hell the guy was even kinda gross.
But the idea of sleeping with him and doing shit with him and having him fuck me in the ass at his big fancy house really turned me on.
I jack to all types of gay porn.
And ever since I started looking at men as something I could get a direct pleasure out of I'm starting to notice the hot guys on channels like E tv and not the big booty bimbous. I've literally turn on my gay engine, I always thought I was impotent and had had my share of getting hard looking at naked women online.
I have a similar problem. I can only really masturbate to tranny and crossdresser porn, or maybe straight gangbang stuff if I do self insertion. Gay porn does nothing for me though.
You're gay, you stupid fag. You can't magically change that. You can pretend it isn't true and pretend to be straight if you really want to, but that rarely goes well.
You'd probably be happier if you reconsidered your assumptions about homosexuals (like yourself) all being massive sluts. It's fine not to want to fuck strangers on Grindr. You can go on dates, blush, touch his face, look away, raise your eyes up to his, kiss. All that non-slut stuff.
Or you can get double-fisted while pumping ketamine into your cock, if you like.
Gay porn is the only time I feel like I can see myself in the porn. Now when I watch straight porn I thinking about sucking the dick and touching the abs on the guy. I remember being fascinated by dicks ever since I was a kid. I've had many homoerotic moments when I was a kid.
Right now I'm just feeling anxious, on top of that it makes me also feel really ashamed of my feelings.
>You're gay, you stupid fag. You can't magically change that. You can pretend it isn't true and pretend to be straight if you really want to, but that rarely goes well.
I don't understand why there isn't a pray the gay away for atheists? Why are religious people the only one that consider dicklust to be a shameful act, progressives love it when men turn gay "muh tolerance". It's like people get off on other people coming out of the closet, "they're not the once that have to prep their ass, and have a dick taste in their mouth.
I'm afraid of grindr for 3 reasons:
1. I'm afraid that I might regret it and feel ashamed and depressed and I'll always know in the back of my head that I've sucked a dick.
2. I'm afraid to get std.
3. I'm afraid of meeting people that I think I find attractive but when I see them irl I'll find out that I don't find them attractive and still fuck them just so I don't hurt their feeling(i've done this with girls)
3. I'm afraid that I become a homosexual sex addict, because I have a very addictive personality and since I've quite abusing drugs and alcohol I need to get me dopamine rush somewhere else, I'm afraid I'll turn into a shameless slut.
Because those pray the gay away camps patently don't work and are essentially hotbeds for STD's cause it's a bunch of horned up gay teenagers far away from the entirety of regular life.
So you are worried about being a slut, cool. What city do you live in? I'll look up a good gay support group for you.
I feel better now I took some anti anxiety pills, I had a mild panic attack today due to lack of sleep, going to the gym, school starting and me agreeing to fuck a middle aged lawyer and felt ashamed after having an erection that lasted hours after he proposed that we should fuck. I just feel so dirty, why do I want to get fucked by older men? that's so fucked up. I seem to have no pride or self worth... I just feel like a faggot.
im in the same boat man i been watching gay porn for years and it turns me on. i been a straight guy and been forcing myself to be straight for years but when it comes down to porn the more gay it is the hotter i get. i hate myself for it but i cant get myself out of it and idk what to do about it
I've made peace to being a homosexual but sometimes I get a panic attack and really sad and just want to stop being gay(that's when I made the thread). I'm just gonna try to enjoy life as I am, I'm gay and I can't change that, I should just embrace it. It will make me much happier in the end and you too.
I felt very similar in the past, and I must say having someone in a similar situation would've helped a lot.
Where are all the shy/confused gay teenagers when you need them? Are you in the closet?
I don't care anymore, but it really would've been nice just to talk about it with someone on the same level. Because every gay out of the closet in high school is the worst kind of pretentious flaming slut. I had to meet my first non-sexual gay friend in tinder because of it. And man, even just talking about porn with someone real was so refreshing.