>tfw self-ID as bi but sometimes worry might just be a straight or ace sociopath who plays with guys' feelings by leading them on and never taking it anywhere
anyone else get this
unless you have relations with women with no problems and only have trouble with men, (If you do you are probably bi curious not bisexual and there's nothing wrong with that, you could also be asexual, or sexually attracted to only one gender) I'm going to guess that you have problems with relationships in general particularly it seems with sex. Anxiety, fear of rejection, our own insecurities, past traumas, could all be contributing to your problem, it may not be your fault that you are having relationship problems if you have unsorted baggage. If you live in a socialist country you could get mental help covered for free, and even if you can't I think it is worth paying for a psychologist, therapist, counselor etc. if you can afford one. don't worry OP, if you are worried about being a sociopath, you probably aren't one.
I wish you luck there OP hope you can get well ;)
>ace sociopath who plays with guys' feelings by leading them on and never taking it anywhere
Lol if you are worried that this is you, then yes, it is definitely 100% you.
Normal people don't have these kinds of thoughts.
Not OP here, but equally as /angst/, so I'll give you a question Dr Freud: what's it like to actually BE bi?
Because I have no fucking clue what I am at this point. I relate to a lot of shit you wrote ( a lot of insecurity that fucked up a couple of relationships, way too much anxiety, crap picked up while growing up pretty much ) and I've only had relationships with women during all of my life, including purely sexual attractions and urgings, but once or twice in my life I've felt attracted to a guy. Nothing sexual, at least not in the same way with females, just genuine "oh wow that guy looks good" thought. My OCD and escalating porn habits don't help either ( I'm currently trying to "reboot", since I was beggining to act like a fucking masturbating robot or a fap addict, real women were losing their appeal to me ), but lately I've been so fucking paranoid and obsessed with this, I'm scared of being wrong about myself so late in the game. Because now I'm constantly testing myself and I find I'm not as repulsed by gay thoughts as before.
I remember being young and watching Oz on tv by chance and seeing a rape scene ( the show is set on a prison if you don't know ) and being completely terrified of it, shocked even. But since that moment I developed a sort of morbid curiosity with it, I would get a "rush" out of almost seeing it again ( because I would turn away at the last minute ) - not the act itself because I've never actually felt turned on, it's more like the people that get a kick out of seeing accidents or standing close to the edge of a tall building. Anyway, it's not something that I dwell on or actively pursuit, but now that I'm paranoid I'm analysing everything.
Do I actually like guys as well? How do you quantify and discern the feelings you have and decide what you are on them?
Well, I'm trying really hard to remember that ever happening but I don't think so, while with women it's been pretty much always there. Thanks I guess.
[spoiler]HOCD and OCD is general is hell[/spoiler]
I don't get erections from anyone, unless I'm in bed with them, touching them, making out with them, things start happening. But before that, nothing. Even knowing they are on their way over and I know what sort of sex we'll be having, nothing.
This goes for women and men. You can't check your sexuality by seeing if your dick gets heard when you think about stuff.
If your dick accidentally got heard when thinking about a food, or animals or even a child then, what would that mean.
You have to actually be physical with people to know what you are. And if you don't want to be physical with men, then that should tell you a whole fucking lot.
I often worry that I might not be bi, but instead just aching for an intimacy that I can't comfortably have with family, so I turn to relationships with guys because girls seem an unlikely prospect.
To be fair, guys also seemed an unlikely prospect until I got together with my boyfriend, but him being the first relationship I've ever had similarly makes me worry that I'm clinging to him out of fear of being alone again: that I just want to be with someone, rather than him in particular. It's compounded by the fact that we don't exactly have an active sex life, nor much of a desire for one, and a lot of the time we spend 'together' involves us being in separate rooms.
But then I remember how nice it feels to be in his arms, how good I feel when he smiles at me, how much easier it is to fall asleep next to him and how he'll pull me over to lie on his chest when we're in bed together. I think about how much I worry over how he's doing with his job and his depression and everything else going on in his life. That I'll gladly cook a whole meal for us when I barely have the energy to stick something in the microwave for myself. That I still get hard just being around him, sometimes, even if that rarely leads to anything. That I can be a happier version of myself with him. He might be my first relationship, but I might just be lucky.
biscum back again
you aren't alone if you are questioning your sexuality, most self identifying straight and gay men will have had at least 1 homosexual or heterosexual instance respectively in their lives, and some bisexuals may never have experience with both genders. It sounds from your post like have some problems that go beyond sexual identity, as someone who happens to have ocd that is relatively in control now, I would really recommend seeking out help for that anxiety, going through something like cbt with a therapist is often cheaper than finding a medication and at least as equally effective. The prison rape thing could just be a result of over rumination from your anxiety, or you may actually have some bi curious or bisexual orientation, either way if you are struggling with your sexual identity I would recommend seeking out a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. who specialize in, or have experience with lgbt people or sexual identities in general. mental health workers often know someone who knows someone who may be a great fit for helping you through those problems so you should start asking around. also I am completely bisexual, I kinda knew from when i was like 7-8 years old when I noticed that butterflies in my stomach came from people of both genders, and I have had a good number of relationships with people of both genders in my lifetime. I am not attracted to all heterosexual or homosexual porn, but generally the vanilla of both sides turns me on, (I browse /h and /y in almost equal measure)
hope that helps, by the end of this thread you would think I am getting payed by the mental health industry to recommend them ad nauseum XD
Thanks Doc, really. I already see a therapist, but it's reassuring to hear these things from people that are on the other side of the fence and confident about it. For closure, I'd say that for example I'm nothing like >>5502124 described, I've consistently had very noticeable erections just thinking or being in the presence of women before any act even takes place. I've never felt the need to have physical contact to realize "yep this is what I'm programmed to like".
Thing is with the escalating porn habit and paranoia ( I was in a long distance relationship and it was taking a toll on my brain ) my libido was slowly evaporating and I started questioning everything. You know what it's like with ocd, when something gets stuck in your head and it won't come out no matter how stupid it is. Even when I did tell myself that it's fine, and I may have some bisexual tendencies ( which I can accept and live with ), I would know deep inside that they are minor and can never compare to all the other things I've felt. But on the following day I'd wake up and start obsessing over every single thing again, it would find something to latch on and make me miserable over it, even though the sexuality scale is so far tipped to one side on my case.
The only part of the rape that I felt 'drawn' to was the domination aspect, the thought of forcing yourself onto another person, but it's not something I felt like doing, either the rape part and the man sex part - more like it gave me a rush because it was so scary and extreme, the same temptation I have of clicking on gore links on /b/. Shit I even noticed at some point in my life my porn tastes ( and sex habits ) were escalating to more and more aggressive stuff. And while you're being paid by the mental health industry, I'd say to check this out; steadyhealth com/topics/for-those-afraid-that-they-are-gay-lesbian-youre-not-read-here-from-a-lesbian?page=1, I found it by chance and she hits the nail right on the head.
Yeah, it's a depressing thought, that you might be lying to yourself about matters of love.
Fortunately, I can also remind myself that I really like the idea of choking on a fat cock.
biscum here again
I read that article, its a very interesting read for sure. I have struggled with addiction and unchecked compulsion, but never really with porn addiction. what really turns me on is intimacy and in a way domination, rape play, and other "extreme" sexual aesthetics (as long as they are completely consensual and not against anyone of the participants wills) are really indicative of serious mutual understanding of each others emotional states and romantic/sexual appetites. although I have been in a few relationships, there are very few in which both of us where secure enough in ourselves and each other to be open enough to communicate our "strangest" desires and even fewer still moments of acting on them (even if it ended in some pretty comedic disappointments). I think that communication is key and as long as you aren't going to actually be raping people, then it is fine to have some "less than christian" fantasies, a majority of people do not fantasize about getting married and having sex in the missionary position solely for the purposes of procreation. I must confess that Sigmund Freud died in 1939 and that I am no doctor (yet), just some anon that is replying on a dying thread to another anon that I know nothing about, so the final advice I will give in Freud's borrowed persona is that you should ideally be saying all of this to your therapist, even sharing the article with your therapist. if you are not comfortable doing so, or have a really ineffectual therapist, then you should look to get a proper one. the whole point of a therapist is to have a second mind to explore your inner life with, and to ground your anxieties in reality to make them have less control over your life, if you are just posting this to 4chan then there is only so much you can really get from a bunch of anons. last thing is, a pattern of escalation in the extremeness of your taste, your "thrill seeking", may be signs of increasing anxiety (tell ur therapist m8e)
You've basically summed up bisexuality in a single post, congrats!