How do I know if im a lesbian or not.
> Rave mother adopted me 3 months ago
> Mentors me but is strict
> doesnt let me talk to boys when we go
> Always gives molly
> It Makes me want to talk w/ them
> Shes always there to kiss and cuddle w/ me during molly though so I dont fell lonley
> Last night she did oral to me and taught me how to it back for her.
> Now I think Im actually love w/ my rave mother.
How do I know though? b/c I think its real but it also might be b/c she forbid me to have sex w/ boys that it may be just like a 1st time thing. I never thought that I was a lesbian before though so idk? I dont think it was just the drugs either b/c I took waaay less tonight than she normally gives me and still have those feelings for her. Help please?
I know it sounds funny anon, but can you please help me? or just anyone here? b/c I dont want to end up losing my virginity to a guy too then realize im lesbian b/c then they would probably think im gross or fake or something and not want to be w/ me maybe?
yeah you probally right but before last night I was positve that I was deff straight.
But now all I can think about what I did w/ her and maybe I just thought I liked guys b/c she didnt let me talk to them and so I though I was like missing out or something? but maybe its just was b/c it was my first time w/ anyone so I fell in love w/ her b/c of that maybe?
How do you know for sure anon? and Thank you!
>high on molly
>did some shit you wouldn't do otherwise but felt could because rollin'
>rave mother(????) has been manipulating the shit out of you
Yeah look, she's a lesbian and wanted to fuck you from the start so she concocted this incredibly gross plan; you're not a lesbian. Fuck some boys. Fuck a ton of boys.
Yep, this is the one. Sorry you had to hear it from 4chan, I don't wish that on anybody, but your "rave mother" whatever that is is a sexual predator and she probably planned this from the start.
A lot of LGBT folk don't like to talk about this, but lesbians actually have the largest percentages of sexual, physical and emotional abusers of any sex/sexuality group (that's right, more than straight men). and a lot of them go for exactly this kinda stuff. Lusting after straight girls is incredibly common, and "converting" straight pussy is a really common creepy-dyke fantasy. If you're younger than her as well, which it sounds like, then that's just added "fresh meat" fetishism.
This whole thing's incredibly gross, I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
She just mentors me and looks after me is all.
Its honestley not like that though I dont think. She is alot older than me but she has a bf and everything so I dont think shes taking adavntage of me. And I dont think thats why shes giving me molly we just get alot of it b/c her bf sells it but she takes too. so I dont think its that probably Idk. But thanks.
You mean manipulated you and feeds you drugs so you'll eat her pussy?
I mean, if you enjoyed it you're at least Bi, but that woman is no good, Anon. I'd be willing to bet she's done it before too.
Why do you think her having a boyfriend changes anything at all? It really doesn't. Ok, so she's not openly lesbian, she's either bi or in denial. That doesn't change the fact that she's preying on you in a lesbian fashion.
Stop letting her do shit to you on molly. Even if that means ceasing doing molly with her. Go consensually fuck some boys and girls and see which one floats your boat. It's that easy.
>And I dont think thats why shes giving me molly we just get alot of it b/c her bf sells it but she takes too.
Of course she takes too, ffs! That doesn't mean she isn't giving it to you in the full knowledge that it alters your sensations of pleasure and makes you willing to do shit you wouldn't otherwise, or that she's not taking advantage of you.
Jesus, you really do need a mentor. Shame you ended up getting such a rapey one; seems like you'd have been better off letting the boys do what they liked, tbqh. She's exactly the kinda shit you'd need protection FROM, at a rave.
Im really into her deff!
I could tell she had done it before but that doesnt mean she was manipulating me.
I dont think shes praying on me though honest and its not like shes cheating on her bf w/ me b/c he saw us a little bit and didnt get mad, I think their just in an open relationship probably or we would of gotten in trouble I think?
Although a lot of boys are bad you can't generalise like that there are some decent guys out there, but there are bad guys and gals out there watch yourself no matter the gender you're going for....
A rave parent or rave parents, are ravers that meet a first time raver while at the rave, and choose the Name for the new raver. The parents cannot be of relation or had any kind of past relationship with, but a raver that they just met. This makes the name more creative and unique because it is made by the first impression of the new raver. The raver may choose to agree or disagree, to whatever the raver feels is a good enough name, but the raver and the rave parents must agree. Once the Name is chosen and agreed on, the parents must present their new child with a gift, usually candy(rave bracelets) or glow stick etc. Every Raver has at least one rave parent, that welcomed them into the raving community. It is a honor to be named by a seasoned raver, and their name should be remembered so when one day that new raver can pass on the tradition, by telling their new rave child who their rave parents were(Now Rave Grandparents).
New Raver: HI, this is my first rave.
Seasoned Raver 1(Kitten): Have you been named yet?
New Raver: No, can you give me one?
Kitten: YEA! Hold on(grabs her boyfriend) He Wants us to be his rave parents!
Seasoned Raver 2(Suspect): I'm thinking... Ping!
Kitten: I love it, you like it?
New Raver: yea, thats cool.
Suspect: Alright dude, heres you're first candy, don't hook up with any of you're sisters. There a few of them out there.
>anime girl reaction gif
okay that doesn't fit your 13 year old girl being taken advantage of by a creepy old lesbian drug addict story that you're trying to weave.
I think you're just funposting
Im not 13, Im not being "taken advantage of by a creepy old lesbian drug addict",
> shes 19 thats not really old,
> we only do molly and weed really and neither are addictve.
> I got it /r9k/ and posted it at the girl who was pretending to be me
> I Have like 30 of them by now
> I like them
and I just want to know if Im a lesbian or not and its not really fun b/c everbodys thinks Im getting raped when I think Im just explaining things bad to you guys. and Im sorry!
It's not really something we can answer, there are a few basic questions you ask yourself.
Do I like just his girl or multiple ones?
Have I been attracted to guys before?
Answer the questions and combine I guess, it's really a personal question we can't answer for you.
Best of luck to you.
This is actually just really sad.
I'd almost feel back for the OP, except for the fact that she's wilfully blinded herself to her own exploitation in order to score drugs.
OP, the course of the rest of your life is fairly clear if you refuse to notice how you've been reduced to a commodity for the sexual predations of a rapist. You will, invariably, find yourself exploited for your body and denied of the opportunity to ever make meaningful advances in your life. You'll be fucked and tossed away, a shriveled valueless hust, and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself -which you never will because your rampant drug addiction will prevent any means of real self examination.
You're asking for help in making an adult decision in identifying your sexuality all whilst being exploited like a child. Worry more about the direction of your life at large as opposed to what you want to cum to, I can assure you, you'll be greatful.
For the Cagilonth time I wanted to do it w/ her anon!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont think im being exploited b/c Iast night was litterally the 1st time I had sex, and I liked it alot even! im probably even in love w/ her now b/c of it.
And im definetly not doing it to score drugs b/cs I hadnt even done any till 3 months ago and molly isnt addictve, and we only do it Like 3-4 times week Tops, Its not that bad for you though. Just drink lots of water! Shes is actually really cool though, and molly is expensive I think, her bf just sells we can it for free!
Hello. I am a lesbian detective. And I've never seen such normie behavior on this site. So it's safe to go with the gut reaction and call it what it is - bait. You've all been fooled. You're welcome.
A study of 24 women found that all women studied, loth lesbian and straight, were attracted to both sexes, but denied it. Many women I've known have been confused about their sexuality at one point or another. A friend of mine, who is considered really straight, told me that she was once fearful that she was a lesbian. Today, however, she would not consider pursuing a relationship with another woman, and she masterbates to lesbian porn. Sexuality is complicated, and is often more psychological and habitual than anything else.
You are of course welcome to make your own decisions.
Ultimately the consequences of your actions will prove greater than the present enjoyment.
Still, a rational human being would seriously consider a view point presented to you a "[cagillion]" times.
Its my first time here I asked /r9k/ and they said I needed to ask you guys b/c you would be able to help me better than they could anyway.
Im not trying to trick you into thinking Im a normie or anything like that though, Im sorry.
The same study found that women were "attracted" to chimpanzees anon, don't misquote it. It measured genital arousal during pornos. Women's genitals responded equally to MF, MM, FF, and Chimp/Chimp. The logically conclusion from this isn't "women are all bisexual and furries," it's "there's some weird auto lube defense mechanism built into vaginas."
OP: Your life sounds fucked up. Stop letting someone control you, the fuck is a rave mother? Get out, your sexuality is the least of your problems.
But I dont even get why people are saying this, just b/c Im alot younger than her? or that we do drugs, or b/cs I havnt been w/ a guy?
And I know it probably sounds worse b/c she has bf but he honestly doesn't mind hes not even mad at of us or anything.
You poor deluded child.
That's clearly abusive, if she's feeding her MDMA 3-4 times a week, fucking her while she's tripped out on it and isolating her.
She'll escalate the sexual advances and then cut down on the drugs so she doesn't outright ruin her but is still a compliant stupid giggling little plaything. And then introduce her to her boyfriend, sexually. And then it'll be "favor" time.
Okay, look. Your relationship with her has a ton of flags of classic emotional and sexual abuse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse).
She's controlling your behavior. That's not her right.
> Mentors me but is strict
> doesnt let me talk to boys when we go
Specifically she controls your body, saying who you can and can't have sex with.
> she forbid me to have sex w/ boys
She knowingly drugs you with something that'll make you horny.
> Shes always there to kiss and cuddle w/ me during molly though so I dont fell lonley
In addition to that, you're showing signs of the typical abuse victim.
You're desperate for someone to stay with you:
>they would probably think im gross or fake or something and not want to be w/ me maybe?
>I think I definetley lose her at lteast.
Low self esteem:
>Im not trying to trick you into thinking Im a normie or anything like that though, Im sorry.
You are desperately afraid of losing this woman, and you are acquiescing to insane demands that aren't hers to make. She is feeding you drugs like candy and making advances on you while you're high out of your mind. It's not a relationship of equals.
She is going to probably keep isolating you and controlling who you talk to until you have nobody but her and are even more scared to leave her than ever. And then she's just going to do whatever the fuck she wants to you, because she'll know that you won't leave. Get out
Read the above two posts.
Despite the reputation of 4chan in general, human beings aren't inherently malicious, and given that I don't, or ever will, know you, I have no reason to advise you to harm. Your situation is one of sexual exploitation and drug dependency. I've borne witness to such a situation countless times before and all end in tragedy.
Even if you can't see it for yourself, consider the sheer weight of condemnation coming from a myriad of individuals; none of whom wish you any harm.
Your life is ultimately up to you to lead, and all I can recommend is that you pull yourself away from that life for a short time. Say 2 weeks without raves or drugs.
If your adopted 'mom' refuses to accept that you need to do that, then you'll know that she doesn't actually care about you. If she did then she'd support your decision.
Then, if after two weeks you still feel the same way that you do now, go back.
Yup. Favors for the boyfriend are definitely incoming.
OP, if your thizzed out e-tarded brain can handle it, try reading Lyseric by Krystle Cole. Your life is headed down that path right now.
sure homie. your issue is you dunno if you're gay or not. honestly my homie I would say, do what you wanna do and do not worry about labels. try a relationship or hooking up w/ a guy. if you find that you really don't like it, you might be gay. if you do, maybe you like both. same goes for relationships w/ women.
Maybe I guess sorry it took me so long to respond too you though I had think about it I guess. but its not like I can just get out though, my grandparents really hate me right now and cozy lets me stay over whenever. so I would be really lonely if I couldn't see her anymore b/cs I don't hang out w/ anyone else anymore that much, so idk which is better?
I deff dont want them to make me start doing sex stuff w/ her bf though, b/c that wouldnt be nice for cozy, I guss it might of happened a little bit already when I was sleeping one time but it was probably just b/c he was rolling, and Im not even positve about it b/c I had been sleeping and only woke up a little bit and felt realy loopy anyway, plus cozy was there too and wouldnt let him so I think im just all parnoid now and making things up to myself sorry, I will really think more though if cozy is really the way you say she is though.
Okay yeah I guess I eas thinking im bi now probably, and I guess I probaly dont even need to know now I think.
I just dont want to have sex w/ alot of people to find out hopefully. Thank you!
Well yes. What drug she was on is beside the point-- it's about a drug dealer manipulating and abusing a poor gullible teenage girl.
>might have happened a little bit already
Please... please just remove yourself from this fucked up situation. Pic related, MRW you admitted it's already happening.
I'll try reading it I guess I just looked it up and she has a youtube so I guess I could watch that too.
I didnt it admit it though I think Im just being paraniod now I was having a really bad come down and cpzy gave me some kpins so that I could fall asleep which made me feel really loopy and gave me bad dreams and that was all that was anyway
God dammit sweety your lying to yourself, I can tell your just a child, and you don't deserve to be abused like this (I know it may even not feel like that now but that's what their doing to you).
Do you even know what klonopin is? Out of all the stuff your doing please please dont take it next time they try and give it to you, Honestly how many did they give you anyway? Why do your grandparents hate you right now, and do you live with them? I'm willing to bet whatever it is you guys can get past it, Please talk to them about what your doing right now, If their halfway decent they wont be mad at you and just be glad your seeking help.
>Like 3-4 times week, Its not that bad for you though
You're already dead, little fucktoy.
3-4 times a week is really bad, if you wanna be clinically depressed for the rest of your life cause you've fucked your serotonin receptors then keep going. Molly should be done AT THE MAX once every 3 months, if you don't want to cause permanent damage.
lesbians actually have the largest percentages of sexual, physical and emotional abusers of any sex/sexuality group
>"converting" straight pussy is a really common creepy-dyke fantasy
You're shitting me, maybe on 4chan or in your head
You're dramatizing the shit out of us
If you're attracted to her you're Bisexual
Lots of people are bisexual, it doesn't make any difference
Or the difference you're afraid it'll make has already happen anyway (you have feelings for her)
I dont know if shes listening anymore.
> mfw I want to save her too.
it sounds like conditioning to be honest.. you didn't feel anything for her, were given drugs that make you feel strongly, then slowly taken off the drugs with her still there making you seem like you still like her and it wasn't just the drugs. it's kind of like stockholm syndrome. I honestly feel if you want to know for sure, don't take the drugs and don't cuddle/kiss/more+ with her for a while and see if it's still there, or if she just moves on because she was trying to get in your pants.
Hey OP I'm a returning anon and I tried not to bring up the Molly thing but.....it's pretty bad....you really need to do a little research I to what you're taking if you're using 3-4 times a week you're in serious trouble....
Kpins just help you sleep when ppl are having trouble w/ I think. I do live w/ my grandparents and they hate me right b/c of my grades and are always on me about how thats important b/c I wouldnt get to do to college and oh your mom went to college and shed be so uppset if you wernt able too. I really do care about going though I just have alot trouble w/ math and stuff idk.
I was waaaaaaay more deppresed before I met cozy though, trust me. She already gives me melatonin to take too, she said that counteracts alot of the bad stuff in it. I will be more carfule w/ it now that you told me. Thank you!
>fell for the bait.
Does it matter, Op?
No, really. Will it make you less or more depending on who you want to fuck?
If it does, then the answer is that you are a robot. A robot who thinks its a human. There for, it's okay for you to fuck all humans, and call yourself a homosapiophile.
Thts what everyone been telling , me so I think must be what I am...
Im not worried about it either, I think it'll acutually be really nice, b/c it just means more people might want to be in love together w/ me, right?
But if what that it I could of just been doing the same thing to her b/c she was drugs too couldnt I have been? and Ive always not her and looked up to her just not in the way I do after when we did it together. and how do I know if shes moved on b/c she already has a bf and they already do the same things we do togerther and probably, idk if I can do it, but I'll try. Thank you!
I think most are good ppl just like everyone else! and being a Lesbian has nothing to w/ it though..Lt
> Ive always Loved* her and looked up to her just not in the way I do after when we did it
I cant type anything right now I guess, sorry guys!
I said that I am thinking about wether or not that is true or not guys, Promise!
Im reading it now! its actually Ecstasy too though which actually alot worse than what we do! Anyway we pretty much only do molly and weed which is pretty safe. I took E once from a rando and cozy got mad and made me throw up b/c it probably had meth or heroine in it!
and I know you guys think Im probably in alot trouble right now, but I think I am okay though b/c I used to be really depressed, but now Im happy alot of the time. and I know some of the stuff we do is kinda bad but if it makes us feel good to do it then it must be a good thing right?
>yeah a lot of people have been saying that, and that it
MDMA is Molly. Ecstasy is MDMA + other shit. That guide is specifically about the effects of MDMA (molly).
Several times a week is way too much, which is why I earlier insinuated that you are perpetually e-tarded. This will interfere with your judgement, which is why you need to sober up for a few weeks and think hard about whether this person is looking out for you.
You might be happy now but I think in the future you will probably look back and realise that she is taking advantage of you and abusing you.
Also it doesn't really matter whether you are taking molly or ecstasy they both have negative effects.
Seriously, can we like, report this to the admins or something? We've got a pretty clear cut case that some fucked up drug addict is drugging and sexually abusing a minor. On the west coast (California probably). This should really be passed on to authorities.
>how do I know if shes moved on b/c she already has a bf
well few things to consider.
1) are you okay with poly relationships?
2) is she? if not then she's using one of you, and if she's been with him longer, it's probably you.
>But if what that it I could of just been doing the same thing to her b/c she was drugs too couldnt I have been?
Who had the drugs and was giving them?
Who is more used to taking the drugs?
and who made all the rules?
>Ecstasy too though which actually alot worse than what we do! Anyway we pretty much only do molly
>ecstasy is molly just a different name.
It isn't safe, and will actually eat away at your brain if you use it too often.
Im sorry anon. I dont know what I did to make you so upset but Im really am sorry, when I made this thread I honestly just didnt know what my feelings for cozy meant, but I think I understand why it was rude to think it was that simple, I really wasnt trying to be mean or make fun of guys! Everbodys been really nice to me and pointed out things I didnt even realize I was having trouble w/. If it helps Im really not 16 tho. Sorry.
Also I know you probably dont want to help me anymore. but why am I slut b/c I have only had sex once and it was w/ a girl so I thought I was a virgin still kinda? Is it more just like me doing drugs that makes one, or cause cozy has a bf already idk really ?
I looked how to delete this thread cause I dont want it anymore now, but I ddont think I actually can sorry anon.
o.O no one is mad at you, AFAIK. It's just against the rules to be on 4chan under 18 because of some legal shit I'm guessing. I think the fact that you're under 18 is part of the reason people are trying to help you so much, so you don't become as fucked up as the rest of us faggots.
They're calling you a slut just as a generic insult. From what you've said I don't think you are a slut but you are being very irresponsible and probably hurting yourself even if you don't see it now. People think you are underage because you come off as very immature and naive. I don't mean that as an insult it just seems like you are very young.
And yeah a while ago moot/admins made it so you can't delete your threads after they've been up for longer than 30 mins or something.
I'm glad you're thinking it over. Something to keep in mind--if she or her boyfriend does something fucked up to you, and they're hurting you, it doesn't /matter/ if they meant to hurt you or if it was the drugs or what. What matters is that they're hurting you, and you don't deserve that. You need to keep yourself safe.
My understanding of what you're saying is that your grandparents don't hate you, they're saying that stuff to you because they want you to have a good life. They care about you, they're probably worried, and they're being dickish about it instead of gentle. Please talk to them.
Melatonin does nothing to heal your serotonin receptors. She's either misinformed or lying.
I'm glad you're happy now, but something you aren't seeing is that this has the potential for /huge/ emotional damage to you later. It's like a roller coaster. You're on the up and up now, but things have the potential and are likely to get much, much worse. Way too far to make it worth it. Your current lifestyle is going to cause you future problems.
>all this low self esteem, guilt, and self blame
Fuck, I really hope you get out of this okay.
I've been following this thread since OP opened it and every time I check back I feel worse and worse.
You're in deep and you can't see it, you're happy now, with a steady constant suply of Molly how could you not be, but you're now dependant on it, and even you must know this isn't going to last forever, so you're going to be even more depressed without the Molly because you've such a high comparison of feeling good, you'll have the choice of going cold or paying the very people who got you hooked on the drug.
Also ecstasy is just Molly with extra bits thrown in although e is worse Molly isn't that much better especially at the frequency at which you're taking it.
Look at the things Cosy tells you, compare it with research, notice the amount of lies, wake up and smell the bacon.
I really hope the penny drops for you soon it's harder to see when you're on the inside of these things but I do really hope you get out of this......
Hey guys I promised last night I wouldnt post anymore b/c I could tell everyones getting really angry w/ me and I know it probably doesnt seem like it but I am really sorry, but I think I need to one more time b/c I should cozy this thread and you guys were right kinda and idk what I need t do neft, sorry again too!.
Did you just say you're going to show rave mom the thread? What, so she can scheme exactly how she's going to debunk everything we're telling you. No. Let her actions speak for themselves.
But when cozy looked at the thread she got really sad and started crying a whole lot and said you guy were right and apologized and hugged me a bunch of times too but she also said that it wasnt her who wanted to do it at all but her bf makes her do it to 3 other girls before and he did the same thing to her in the first place! I know you guys probably dont believe her b/c shes older but hes waaay older than both of us idk exactley but I so his dl once and he was born in 1973 and has some greyish hairs even.
Anyway I dont want to says this b/c its really gross but idk. I asked about the night when she gave me the kpins b/c thats what Im worrying mot about and she cried even harder b/c I guess she did let him do stuff to me and I know what a disgusting person now b/c of that and even worse thing is I think I really new along b/c I hurt so much the next day but I guess I just tricked myself into thinking it was something else so I wouldnt have to deel w/ who I really am I guess now b/c of it.
This thread. Just
Also tell your rave mum to dump the be. He is way too old to be hanging out with a bunch of young adults and makeing them preform sex acts on each other.
Anyway I I aked cozy if we could go to the police or something but we cant b/c wed get in even more trouble then he would b/c I was on klonopin and shes the one who gave it to me, and I know drugs laws are really bad so I think shes probably right about not going, and even if we did he wouldnt get in trouble b/c I was she tolf me I awake at least a little bit and I just dont remember b/c of the kipns probably and thats why I just thought I was sleeping or something.
Anyway cozys taking me back to my grandparents later tonight, so I think I'll be okay there maybe. I wanted her to stay w/ them too, but she told me she couldnt. Im not supposed to tell them about any of this b/c cozy will get in touble, and I promised not to. But im king of regretting it though b/c I thought she was going to leave him to and now Im so worried about her, and now I know what I did w/ him I know if something happens to me It would just be like getting what I deserve but anyway I tjhnk I need to go see a doctor I think probaqbly. and I would have to tell them what I did, so idk, I might have to tell them and maybe they really could help me and cozy?
Also ths time I promise I will try wont post anymore b/c I know this doeesntt have any thing to do w/ lesbian things anymore. And eeven if it did I know I definetaly sont deserve your guys help anymore! and Im soryy for being so dumb and I know you guys were right now even the posts that I just thought were supposed to hurt my feelinggs were right even Im realyrealy sorry I did this henestly.
Well considering he raped you, he'd get in trouble, not to mention she'd be able to argue that she feared for her own safety is why she was forced to do this shit. So she'd probably be a bit safer.
Though honestly she should also get in trouble for doing the shit whether it was his idea or not. So my suggestion is go to the police and turn them in.
Okay, I think that is why she did it, I could tell she was really upset about it, and really didnt want too probably.
I wasnt raped though Im not gonna lie to mself agin so I just feel better about who I am now, I just did b/c I as doing to many drugs and a bunch of slutty things w. cozy in the 1st place I just dont remeber b/c Im a drug addict like you guyd have been saying probably. But I know I didn try and fight him off or anything that would make it rape.
I know alot of the stuff cozy did is like rally bad, but she wouldnt hurt me like that even the things that did hurt me really wernt her fault, I think itll be okay...
My grandpanrents took my phone away like a month ago though so idk if I can do anything else Im really sorry. Im trying to do Uber from cozys Ipad now though...
Okay cozys back but I guess her car is is broken, so her bf gonna take me but cozy is coming to, but now Im worried too, even though she promised not to tell him were leaving now and I should be home in like 20min I think, and I promise I'll post one more time before I go in.
I looked up how to do the trip code thing so yoiu guys know its really me, and I live in the alphebet district in Portland Or, but please dont get me in trouble if you dont really have too! b/c I promise Ill try to tell my grandparents on my own.
Okay it worked that time, thanks fpr helping me guys.
I am really sorry about everything I did to you guys too really! and am honestly going to try and stop being such a gross person rreally.
None of this is your fault, you were taken advantage of. Don't put yourself down so much. Tell your grandparents and they'll help you. You should probably go to the police too. Also you couldn't consent while under mdma so you were raped, you can survive and overcome all this
Glad you're safe, and I'm not about to tell you anything that hasn't already been said, just want it consolidated here.
1. This is not your fault. Having sex with somebody who is too high to consent is legally considered rape.
2. You will not be in trouble with the law for the drugs if you go to the police. And if you stick up for Cozy, she will not get in [much] trouble either.
3. I really urge you to go to the police. You're filled with all kinds of victim shame right now, and that's how bad people get away with this. Have some pride in yourself and make sure this fucked up man pays for what he's done to not just you, but several other girls. If you don't, he will keep doing this-- and personally I would be a little ashamed of myself to let that keep happening.
4. If you don't go to the police, keep your distance from both him and cozy from now on. You are in a lot of danger right now-- do not trust them if they try to get you to hang out with them again. And helping cozy is out of your hands.
Holy shit, OP. I'm so sorry. I'm glad that she was at least honest with you.
Here's a hard truth: you can't save cozy. Her problems are too big for you, I'm sorry, you're just a kid and she's been in a really bad situation for a long time. But you CAN save yourself, and when you look back at the kid you are now as an adult, you're going to be glad that at least you did that, you saved the person you are now. Please be brave and save yourself. Please tell your grandparents what's happening. They'll freak out because they're scared, but they love you and they'll want you to get to a better place.
Another hard truth: cozy is in a bad place, she doesn't feel like she has an option, and she probably isn't malicious to you--but she is still hurting you. She is going to keep hurting you. Her intentions, her being in a bad place, that doesn't change that she has done and is doing terrible things to you. You need to get away from her. Cut contact. Get the police involved if she won't stop trying to see you.
If you were so high you didn't realize what was happening to you, it was rape. But I know how much it sucks to admit that that happened to you (it's happened to me too, and I denied it for years later) so. Sometimes it's tempting to blame yourself so at least you feel like it was controllable (if it was your fault, that means you let it happen), but. It was out of your control, and it wasn't your fault. I hope you get somewhere safe.
I really recommend trying to see a counselor. Schools tend to have one, though I don't know if yours does/if they're any good. Maybe your grandparents will be willing to pay for one for you.
I disagree. The rave mother's issues are /way/ out of her pay grade, the girl is toxic to her. OP needs to cut contact and save herself.
I told them everything they are being really nice about it even though thier really disgusted about me I think.
Im at the hospital now b/c Grandpa wanted me to get a check upd to make sure im alright but I know Its really b/cs i probably have an std now or something, but even if I do its really okay b/c nobodey else will want to have sex w/ me anymore in the first place, and I know that sounds dumb but dont think I'll ever want it agiain anyway.
Oma went to go talk to the police and I have to either after this or in the morning. I feel worst about what I did to her b/c I saw her crying before we left and I must of really hurt her bad, She tried to hide it from me though and just hugged me but even then I could really tell she didnt want to touch me anymore. so idk what I need to do, I kinda wish now I had just Od and then they wouldnt have to deel w/ this, and it wouldnt of even been that sad for them b/c it would of been like an accidnt from being dumb not depressed.
Thank you all for helping I wouldof probably just been a whore for the rest of my life if you guys didnt tell me what was going on. I should of known myaelf but the truth is im a really pathetic person and I know you guys are gonna tell me Im not b/c your all really nice, but I know I am b/c Im not even helping them deel w/ it anymore I feel so bad,but instead Im just watching yuri in the wating room pretending my life isnt real,
I'm really relieved, thank you for talking to them and the police. You did something very hard to go to them but it was the right call. Try and get a therapist if you can. A professional can help you work through what happened and make sure that you're better off in the future.
You keep saying mean things about yourself--you don't deserve that, you're not broken forever because of this or a bad person in the first place. You can't change where you've been, but you can change where you're going. I hope you get to a better place in your life soon, OP.
Don't feel shame for being manipulated, just realize that not everybody's a good person even if they act nice to you. I'm sure your grandparents still love you, just trust them and things will get better. *Hugs*
Also, please come back after you turn 18 and let us know what happens next. You still have a lot of growing and learning to do.
I call my g-ma and g-pa oma and opa too.
>nobodey else will want to have sex w/ me anymore
Not true mini-anon my gf has been with 8 guys prior to me, and was into drugs and shiz and we're working out fine. Though I'm strict with her that if she gets into drugs again I'm dropping her like a fly. So hope isn't lost, you might just have to actually search for someone who can understand you and isn't just looking at it as "oh she must put out"
You are a bit pathetic to not have noticed it was going on, but not for not being able to help them. they're too deep to help.
And how old are you? because you said you're older than 16 i think, but you also said 19 was wayyy older than you it looked like.
>for being manipulated, just realize that not everybody's a good person even if they act nice to you. I'm sure your grandparents still love you, just trust them and things will get better. *Hugs*
>Also, please come back after you turn 18 and let us know what happens next. You still have a lot of growing and learning to do.
Funny thing is, we can't ban her because so far she's only posted from Cozy's house and the hospital. By the way... we have Cozy's IP...
A lot of rave entries are 15. I would hard pin that number, but it's not really important. 15 also is old enough that the Puppeteer can tell himself that he's not EXACTLY a pedophile, and give himself a little ego boost for being a predatory scumsucking shitbasket.
Yeah, keep this in mind. All this self-abuse you're giving yourself is probably withdrawal, anyway. You are not trash. You can be loved. You fell into a trap, but that doesn't mean you're stupid, or useless, or broken, or tarnished. It just means you were a victim.
And victimhood is not a permanent state of being. It's an event. It is perfectly possible, and even extraordinarily likely, that you get passed it. Just don't let yourself linger in victimhood, don't go looking for pity to replace healing, and always ALWAYS keep trying to move forward.
This shitstorm does not have to define you.
>mfw this is all transpiring very fucking close to my current location
Okay, if you're still check it back here (and you should its been a lot time sick I've seen such a focused thread)
I want you to read this and believe it.
You are not a bad person. You are not a bad person. You are not a bad person. You are a human being who got in with the wrong crowd, that doesn't make you the wrong crowd! Never wish you OD'd ever again, you're so lucky to be alive and picking right now, and never take it for granted.
There's no reason for people not to want to have sex with you (if you still want it) because your past really doesn't matter that much and remember very soon this is going to all be a distant memory, try and remember how many people cared enough to get you through it and remember not everyone does get through these things.
You are a good person. You are alive. Be happy with yourself. You were brave and it paid off. Congratulations
kid(OP) between 13-16 (most likely 15) goes to a rave and meets a rave mom(someone to show her around it sounds like shall be RM). RM starts giving OP rules, like no doing stuff with guys, and giving her drugs, like molly, starts to condition her to be RM's toy it sounds like making OP confused on if she's a lesbian.
OP meet's RM's bf who is "a lot" older than RM who was already older than OP(i think RM was 19 idr though). RM starts getting OP into some more shit and sounds like she's seperating OP from her friends. OP spends the night at RM's house but can't sleep so RM gives her kipns, at which point RM's bf rapes OP and because OP was fuzzy about the events the next day both lie and say nothing happened.
Anonybro's convince OP to get out of the situation but OP feels like shit about herself. OP wants to try to help RM thinking it's her fault for some reason. Anonybro's try to explain RM and the bf are too deep for her to save.
OP goes back to grandparent's house and explain situation finally. grandparents make OP go to the hospital(she thinks to check for STD's, I personally am guessing to check her overall health after the drugs and to try to see if there's any evidence to get the bf in trouble but only OP knows.)
most people are wanting to make sure OP is still safe and some are looking to do some "things" to cozy/bf because we have their IP.
Why do you keep saying "we" have their IP? Unless you are a 4chan admin I don't see any reason you would know what their IP is. Unless there is some epic elite hacker way that I don't know about.
Im german an finnish half and half I think, thats
why I call them that too, Are you girl or guy? I think if I were to ever date someone now Id Iwant be girl agian. I still like and look upto guys, but there way too complctated. I would want it to be a girl b/c shed be more gentle w/ me probably, but now Ive been w/ guy Icant get have that, I t doesntmatter anyway.
It was the easy thing to do! I broke my promise to cozy tho I now Ill never get to see her agin, Im a lair and a bad friend tbqh, Icould of stood up for her more and this wouldnt of happened! I did have to do it for my grandeparents though I guess and I was being really cruel to my family this whole time, I wish and I could both cozy and them, If I was smater I would of figuredout howw.
I do deserve though if you were here youd understand, I dobt need you guys to pity me though, Im getting what I desreve, But that doesnt mean Im not thankful for all your guys help thuough. Just dont bother trying to make feel anybetter b/c Im not worth it!
And I know I shoudnt of wished that I OD b/c it sounds like it would be sad, but it would be waaay better for my grandparents If I had, This is really really really hard on them, The only reason they are doing it or even took me in the first place was they think they owe it to my parents or something.
But they dont deffinately not anymore, a good person wouldn't of done what I did tothem and they would be happier alot w/ out me and I wouldnt and I truly honestly wouldnt mind being dead at all eithier Its justg getting there thats the problem right now.
They got me a therpist and everything to take to all this about, so dont feel like you need respond at all anymore. if I die it wont be your fault or anything youve all helped me enough!
Im really sorry I didnt mean alot of this, I just really hard day I guess, but Iknow talking like that will you guys worried or sad or something.
and Its mean for me to do it then.
I know killing myself is just as selfish as what I was doing before. and Im really trying to be better person I think its just hard for me,...
This is really straight forward shit, and the situation you're in reveals that you're most likely aware of this. So you're either trolling or your thoughts are a bit on the dramatic side cuz you've been rolling too much and need to chill for a couple days before you end up doing something stupid.
Kill yourself slut, we don't need any more retards walking around
Be rave moms bf.
> Hey babe can you go find a qt 14yo girl we can exploit together.
> Sure babe having tons of drugs is great because we can brain wash really any qt want.
> Well I never thought of it like that we should get a 20+, 5.8''+, broad shouldered. flat assed, deep voiced tranny instead!
> Yeah babe Ive always wanted to bat around some confused faggots dick!
Your post has no validity desu, this would never happen to a trans "girl". Even if it were to they wouldn't want our help like OP did. After all there's trannys probably here fapping away because this little girls nightmare is just another dom fantasy to them.
Maddie, I'm so proud of you for talking to your grandparents. I'm crying with joy. Your grandmother is just scared right now. She wants to help you. She doesn't hate you or anything. Your grandparents and the police and the doctors and the therapists are going to do their best to get you in a better place. They'll help you be happy again. It's going to be okay.
You're going to have a really hard time when you come down from doing Molly all the time. You don't deserve all this. No one deserves all this. Think to someone else. Another girl in your class. If this happened to her, does she deserve it? Is there anything that she could do that you would feel satisfied if she was punished with rape and manipulation?
No. I don't think you'd wish this upon another person. And you don't deserve it either.
Since you are in a place of self blame, I'm going to use a tactic that I hate. But you're going to get through this so I'm going to use it.
Don't you dare kill yourself.
Your grandparents will blame themselves. They'll think that they didn't do a good enough job taking care of you. They'll hate themselves. They'll think that if they were kinder, or if they were stricter, or if they weren't so strict, you'd still be alive. Depending on how old they are, the stress could even kill them.
If you kill yourself, your parents will blame themselves. They'll think that if they were well enough to raise you, that they could have prevented this. They'll decide that they ruined your life.
Most of all, if you kill yourself, Cozy will blame herself.
Cozy will not sleep without remembering your suicide. She will blame herself as if she had pulled a gun to your head herself. Cozy will sob and wail and scream and absolutely loathe herself if you kill yourself. She will blame herself for getting you mixed up with this. She'll hate herself for causing your death. Because that's all she'll see it as.
You'll be killing the joy of many others if you commit suicide.
Little one? We met at the dead family reunion under Mt. Hood. I think I know why you were wearing your panda pajamas the whole weekend now. I'm so sorry about Cozmos, word reached me last night, I knew you were one of hers. Like her I was adopted by Luci, We try about talk about the past, but ever since he found her hes distorted her reality and trapped her in darkness. She's in a better place now. She's free now.
Okay uh, this is me. >>5499173
I just looked at this thread again for the first time since ????? and, hoooolyyyyy fuuuuuuuuck. I have never enjoyed being right less. IN. MY. LIFE.
Jesus shit, Anons. You really did some good for once.
Maddie your fight is only beginning but look at how many people you've touched the hearts of you got so much help from 4CHAN of all places, you're a great girl, never even let suicide cross your mind again, you would be doing the world a disservice! Nobody in this forum in your family in this world wants to see you leave it, not a single person, and that includes you, i hate to say it but this will be the hardest 2 months of your life it's bad to come off Molly just like that suddenly as it is nut with your story with you aswell you are going to feel like complete worthless shit, never believe that when someone tells you that, not even when you tell yourself it.
I wish you the best of luck Maddie, you're going to need it...
I remember you, Master jedi right? I didint know you guys used ti be sisters though, We never talked about her past that much only mine, I wish we had now though, maybe we went that close afterall.
How did you find me on here though, Im sorry b/c I know I shouldnt be talking about Rnbw Family stuff on the internet, I guess I just didnt realize all this was gonna happen Im really sorry, are ppl upset w/ me b/c of it?
Im not going to anymore I dont think, The withdrawl stuff is pretty bad I had to go back to the hospital for it, but I think its getting better, I have to miss shcool next week though, but hopefully I can go back after that maybe!
I guess but I dont think I can be someones gf for awhile now. and even if I could I would want someone who is nicer to me than that.
God why's everyone so nice to this bitch? You all do realize that by the way she talks she's definitely just another attractive attention whore who gets everything in life handed to her.
But hurrrrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrrrrr, shes being abused. What happened to you guys?
>but it would be waaay better for my grandparents If I had, This is really really really hard on them, The only reason they are doing it or even took me in the first place was they think they owe it to my parents or something.
That's not how grandparents and parents work, you dumbass. In 20 years you'll know better and understand why you've got it backwards. At least stick around that long so you can fully understand how they feel.
At least you seem to have good taste in anime, so there's still hope for you. Yuru Yuri is better than drugs and sex. Akarin~ is the cutest.
Having a tour through 4chan see the sights. Read this thread I cried, you did good /lgbt/.
imagine if your "rave mother" was a man instead. Your story would seem very fucked up. I think people would call it a lot of things; "grooming", "date rape", "isolating you from other people", "abuse", etc.
I can 100% agree with this. When I was 17 I had this short fat furry duke that thought she was really a wolf chase afterme. I slept with her one or twice because I was basically not even thinking about sex (I guess I just had better things to do) so I tried, and I was revolted and disgusted and now I can't think of ever being with a girl again. Bitch went on to chase after a 15 year old and was telling me about how "I want to so she doesn't experiment with someone fucked up" they date for a long time and was mentally abusing this kid. They broke up and the dyke was fucking around with a 13 year old after her parents (who were also friends with this girl for YEARS) let her stay with them because she was homeless. She almost got landed in jail and had her ass beat down and she got thrown out.
This bitch was in her 30's the whole time.
She is everything that I despise in a human being.
Gotta get 'em young I suppose.
And i must add that the first time I felt extremely pressured and her friends were there too watching. The second time I was incredibly fucked up on absinthe. It's disgusting and you should get out while you can because you could have serious regrets.
Uhh... OP your situation sounds really dangerous and sketchy and a bit rapey. That's fucked up. MDMA is a cool drug but she's feeding it to you and then fucking you....? I would drop contact with her.
I didn't know I can still respond to this thread anymore, usually they make it so you can't I thought.
But anyway I promise I won't kill myself still, I know I already said that but ppl look like there still upset over it. You guys were right about the withdrawal stuff though Idt my brain is ever going to get fixed but I said I won't so I won't and you guys shouldn't worry really!
>usually they make it so you can't I thought.
This is a slow board so it takes longer. This thread is doomed to linger around for ages getting occasional stupid posts from new people who didn't read the thread, and you'll have no choice but to curiously check back in every couple days and make another cute reply.
you did nothing to us, honest. We might have been worried but that is because we don't want a young person to get as fucked up in the head as we are! I hope your life turns out great now! Kind regards,
just another anon from 4chan
Its definately always been my favorite show I think. I got to watch the first 2 seasons and even the camping movie and episode thing w/ my mom. I always liked Akari best too, but she liked Yui b/c she thought she reminded her of me, idk why though I think just b/c were both shy alot the time probably.
I didnt see the new season up untill last week though b/c I didnt want to watch it w/ out her, but my opa gave it me the night I had to go to the hospital b/c I guess my mom had asked him to get it for me when it came out. And had even wrote me a note to go along w/ it that explained why I should keep watching b/c I guess she knew I wouldnt want to anymore.
I think Yui is my favorite now though too, I dont really think Im that much like her at all really but it would be a really good thing to try to be. Like shes really dependable and is always helping other ppl instead of needing to get help w/ her own problems.
I still really like Akari too though! espicially the episode where she misses her train to the pool, and calls the wind naughty for blowing away her coupon!
Thanks for being so nice to me again, and you guys are deffinetly not f*d up in the head. Your like the kindest ppl I ever met.
Anyway I know this will probaly make me sound dumb again, but Idk if im supposed to keep responding here or not. Talking to you guys makes me so happy, and makes me feel like were friends or something. but I think really I might just be bothering you guys at this point and everyones being too nice to tell me.
b/c if we were really friends I would be doing stuff to help you guys too, and I cant think of anything I can like give back to you evenn, and your probably dont even need my help so idk. it might just be like Im using you guys to talk to your to nice to tell me that Im annoying you. But I deffinetly dont want use ppl ever like that.
And I know you think you need to be nice to me b/c I keep saying nasty things about myself, but Im honestly not trying to make you feel bad for me or anything. I just cant say much nice things about me right now b/c then id be a liar. but Im going to keep trying to fix myself so even if if I cant go back to the way I was before I wont havnt to think all those things as much.
I think I can speak for all of us that you've already made us so happy. You were in a terrible situation and you were brave and got help. I'm so so happy for you.
One of the greatest services that you can do for the people who care about you, is to take care of yourself. You deserve it and it makes us happy. Thank you.
Anyway if I am just annoying you now please just tell me or you dont even have to respond if Im right,,, Please dont even feel bad about it either b/c I totally understand and you guys I have done so much for me I really dont want make you feel like your forced into talking to me when you dont want too. I already am pretty sure I think this was the case the last few days and wasnt going to respod anymore so you guys wouldnt have too, then it felt like I was blowing you off after everything you had done for me, it just hard tell over the internet I can always tell when ppl are frustrated at me by the faces they make at me, which doesn't work w/ this.
Either way though Im never going to forget you guys, and everything you did to help me even though I couldnt give you anything back... I promise to keep trying to fix myself and be better person and then maybe Id be lucky enough to deserve a real friend whos half as nice to me as you guys are!
I really hope you all will Live The Happiest Lives!
Im really sorry, I am really slow at typing and didnt even see that you responded before I could write the other part. And then I dont even look for awhile once I post b/c I get nervouse!
I really am taking care of myself more now and I truly promise that I wont stop doing that again, Ive gone to my theripst lady every day since I told my grandparnets about this, except for today and yesterday b/c she doesnt work, but she had us talk on the phone for an hour anyway eventoday, and Im trying really hard to tell her about everything even though I get really embaressed about myself.
Im almost deffinately going to get to go back to school on either Wednesday or Thursday I think, but I guess shes only gonna let me do half days for the 1st week at least b/c I keep having these dumb panick attack things and shes worried about making them worse. But I honestley think its probably gonna be okay and, maybe even make them better b/c when Im back in school I'll have a whole lot more to think about then just the really bad stuff.
Also her my and my grandparents worked it out w/ my school so that thier excusing all my abscences b/c of this. so its not like I have to automatically fail this quarter, and my Omas been getting my homework for me and my grampas been helping me w/ it everynight and so Im pretty much all caught up now for when I go back. and I understand most of it alot even!
Thank you so much! and I know this is really boring and you probably shouldnt make yourself read it, Its just important that you know Im really Truly not gonna mess my Life up again.
Haha anon, next time just yell Akarin! so you turn invisible!
If you really want to do something for us, print this thread out and hold on to it. If you ever feel like getting in contact with Cozy or her bf again, or feel like you should go back into the rave scene, just read this thread again.
Everyone here is so proud of you, Maddie. So many girls have fallen into this trap of drugs and ended up stuck in much worse situations than you, kidnapped or killed or worse. We're so proud of you for recognizing what was going on was wrong and being able to look for help. That takes a lot of strength.
I know it feels terrible right now but I promise you that it gets much better. So many of us on this board have been through awful situations as young people and been able to turn their lives around. We want that for you. I'm so glad your grandparents are supporting you through this. They really do love you.
>Everyone here is so proud of you, Maddie.
>That takes a lot of strength.
This. This, this, this. Admitting the truth of something like this, to yourself and others, takes an uncommon strength. Most people can't do it. Most grown-ass adults can't do it. We know you probably feel weak and stupid now, but the fact is, you're the exact opposite. Believe in that strength. Let it swell, grow, and burst into bloom.
Congratulations, you're bisexual. You won the orientation lottery, you have the broadest set of compatible partners. Now stop whining about how confused you are, and go out to enjoy your newfound sexual freedom.
Also your rave mother seems manipulative and creepy. You should stop letting her tell you who you can and can't have sex with, also stop letting her take advantage of you while you're high. Ideally you should get away altogether.
>Congratulations, you're bisexual. You won the orientation lottery, you have the broadest set of compatible partners.
Sorry, nope, most straights, gays, and lesbians won't go out with a bisexual.
Straights fetishise bi people, and lesbians generally don't care except for on 4chan where everyone (you, me, everyone) is retarded. I can't speak for gay men. But... why would OP be trying to sleep with gay men?
Okay I wont let them anymore! I dont think I'll be able to get a gf for awhile though so I dont think I'll have something to make one about here, byt it would e nice to keep talking to you guys and I'll keep reading the ones here at least anyway! Thank you!
Thanks alot! I will print and Ive already been reading most of it again everyday! Im never going to do drugs or go or aves ever again for sure!
I know everybody on here hates cozy but she really is a really good person, and she has things way worse than I ever had. And my grandparents didnt even tell me what happened till a few days ago b/c they new it was gonna bother me so much and they thought I had enough to deal w/.
But I wish I had known so you guys wouldnt of been angry at her this whole time, and I could of been there for her. I wont get to see her in a really long time again if I ever get to at all, but if I get too I think I can really help her and I know ppl think cant but I think she really wants it now like I did w/ you guys. And things are diffrent now, like I didnt even know my grandpa had gone to talk to her a few times untill this weekend and he told me b/c she had written me a letter and asked him to give it to me b/c the police have to hide her for awhile now or something. But its not like shes being arrested or anything.
Anyway my grandpa had hated her so much when I told him about all this and wanted to get her in trouble, but I dont think he even wants that anymore.I heard him talking to my oma and even he feels really terrible for what her bf did to her now. And my theripist knows about this too and says that in cozys mind she probably didnt have a choice in what they did to me. But cozy lied to her bf the night they took me home and she deffinetiley new what a messed person her bf is and that he was gonna hurt her like that if he found out, but she did it anyway and Im pretty sure she saved my life now, idk though.
Anyway I know this will make me sound like a wierdo, but you guys are really nice and have been thinking nice things about me, and its helped I think. so you could maybe do that for cozy instead now b/c Im really getting better! and she really doesnt have anyone now.
If not could you just not hate her or like think hateful things about her b/c I know its my fault you feel that way about her. but if you new everything you definetly wouldnt.
Anyway if I have to to get you to not hate her anymore, I can write about whats been going on b/c my grandparnets told me alot. And then I heard them talking about alot other stuff that happened to her and I know I shouldnt listen but idk, It felt like stuff I should know. Anyway I didnt understand some of the stuff but the the things I did understand were messed up and
I dont want to put them here though if I dont have to b/c this threads been alot happier than it used to be and feel like it would just be upsetting to ppl, Like my theripist makes keep a journal to write al the the things that has been happning to me so that I stay honest w/ myself and Ive been doing really good untill I had to write all this in it and ending up tearing it up and throwing out the entire diary, and now I have to start over.
But I know you guys can handle things better than me and I would feel really terrible if this thread ended and you all hate cozy so idk. If I have to though Im going to to figure out how to delte posts if its okay so it doesnt allways have to be here when come back.
delete is at the very bottom of the page. have to use the same computer or phone you started the thread with.
more important: what are you doing to be a more independent and successfully able participant in society? what are your plans for higher education, self actualization and future success? what are you going to do in life unrelated to your genitals and debauchery? these are the least important things about you personally.
Thanks, I definetly dont want to delete the whole thread though!!!
I know thier not important and I definetly dont want them to define me. I honestly wasnt talking at about that Im really sorry if I made it sound like I was I dont want to be that type of person!
Im really trying to get to go to college eventually! My mom was a pediatrician and Ive always wanted to do that. But I dont think Im as smart as she was, but if I cant Id try being a nurse or a teacher or something too, which would be nice I think. I did really bad in school last quarter but it was b/c I wasnt trying and Im going to from now on...
>I know everybody on here hates cozy but she really is a really good person, and she has things way worse than I ever had.
Don't worry. I think most of us here came to realize that she was badly abused herself. And if we didn't before, the fact that the police have to hide her is uh... it gives a pretty clear image of the situation all by itself.
So no, don't write about what's been going on with her. That's something not everybody should know, probably.
>b/c the police have to hide her for awhile now or something. But its not like shes being arrested or anything.
A protection program to keep the boyfriend's gang from going after her, presumably with mandatory rehab. That's a very good sign. When I read the story about the boyfriend driving I was thinking, "oh shit, time for a corpse in the middle of the woods."
Thanks alot for not making me have to write about! and understanding anyway. b/c honesetly I would of probably maybe been not able to anyway or atleast had alot of trouble writing it all.
I just wanted to tell you guys what my grandpa told me about cozys bf. First his name is L, (his rave name b/c I dont know his real one even now) and Im not going call him her bf anymore b/c hes definetly that on account of shes had to live w/ him since she was 3, and bf is too way nice a name for him now.
Anyway my Opa said that "there is really few truly evil ppl in this world, and me and cozy were just very unlucky to have met one and even though cozy had to live w/ him all her life and after all the truly terrible things he did to her, he couldnt bring her down to his level"
I know it sounds corny from me but I really think hes right about it. I dont think either of us will have to deal w/ person like him ever again. I also dont think anyone reading this thread will have to meet one either hopefully b/c thier so rare. And I hope reading it doesnt bother anyone. b/c I think someone here was already saying how theres waaay more good ppl out there than the ones who arnt. Thats really true I think too b/c only one person was hurting me up but theres way more than that here. helping me get better. Thanks again for helping me btw!
A pediatrician sounds fun! You could totally do it. You have to learn a lot, but that's about dedication. Of course your mom knew what she was doing, she had years of education and experience! With your excitement about school, you could get those same years to.
Nurse and teacher also sound right up your alley. Its a good goal.
Cozy was so very strong and brave. Since she was 3! That's insane. I'm so happy that she's being taken care of now. I really liked what your Opa said about her. That's right, Cozy is a lot better of a person than L. Maybe someday you two will meet again. Maybe not. But remember this too: you saved her. If it wasn't for you, she would still be with L. Who knows how long it would have taken her to fight back if you weren't here to show her how bad it was.
You saved Cozy. She's going to be able to live a happy and healthy and safe life because of you. Because of you! That's something to be proud of.
How is this not rape and abuse, by the way? What with the whole "rape now means consensual sex that you regret" thing going on and all. This woman is abusing you and shutting you off from the outside world while drugging you and then taking advantage of your drugged up state in order to sexually assault you.
Yeah! Im going to try really hard to do it, b/c its what I want to do most I think
My Opas almost sure about the age thing. Its what the police think anyway b/c Cozy wont talk about it. But its not like shes trying to get out trouble she actually tryed to say she did everthying L did at first. They found some of her maybe relitves and did a dna test thingy but are still waiting b/c it takes so long to actually do that in real life! Anyway they think she actually may not be able remember stuff from when she that young and isnt probably lying anymore.
And shes almost definitely still highschool age, I guess, she just didnt get to go to school before. but my Opa said their probably going to make her do like an online school thing for now, which is really good I think b/c Then she'll probably get to go to college too!
She definitely saved my life too! Im be pretty sure Id be dead if she didnt lie to L for me anyway. I guess its a good thing we had eachother.
>Anyway they think she actually may not be able remember stuff from when she that young and isnt probably lying anymore.
Trauma can easily cause someone to suppress memories. I blocked almost all of my first twenty years for decades. Now that I'm in effective therapy, I'm remembering more of my crazy past, and realizing how fucked up I was back then.
Im really sorry its been takeing me so long to respond.and know it probablly looks like Im just blowing it off now or something. But thats honestley the last thing Im trying to do especially now b/c every time Im so worried that our thread will be gone and will never be able to talk anymore or something. Its just that I havnt been able to do 4chan stuff untill pretty late the last few nights and end up falling asleep, Im really sorry if I do that again tonight b/c Im already pretty tired idk...
Is remebering it a good thing though? I know what happened to me wasnt nearlly as bad as whatt cozy and alot other girls have to go through. But I think its kinda what I did so that I didnt have to remeber the thing I did w/ L, And I know I had find out the truth b/c that stuff was my fault and I shouldnt get to block it out like girls who arnt setting themselves up for ppl to do that to them in the first place.
But I never want cozy to have to remember the stuff that happened to her, b/c theres no way any of it was her fault! and its all to terrible for her to ever derseve to remeber.
And I know she'll always have to remeber what L did to her last week b/c of me. But thing just as bad and even alot worse have been happening to her ever ince she was a little girl.
This is embarising to admit but I dont care right now but for the past almost week after I learned what some people are actually willing to do to eachother even if their practically a baby, I havnt even been able sleep by myself. Like Ive had to go into my grandparents bed w/ them just like I had to when I still had parents and I was little girl.
And this stuff never even happened to me just knowing ppl actually did it cozy freaks me out this much.
Thats why cozy I hope never rembers it! And she doesnt even have anyones room to go sleep in when it bothers her! And I know the police are doing something to make sure it never happens again, but shes too alone deal w/ it right now anyway.
I think your probably alot stronger of a person, and have your life more together than either me cozy right now. I think blocking stuff out might be better for her right now idk really though Im just so worried of how scared I think she must be right now... And I really dont want for it to get any worse even if it means blocking those memories and thoughts out.
Sleep and recovery is much more important than 4chan.
Remembering may be necessary for the her therapy to work, but it is nice that EMDR can work from just remembered emotions. CBT requires memories so it was never able to work properly on me. Blocking my memories back then was likely for survival. Who knows exactly why I did it. Unfortunately it put my life on hold for decades. I was not able to form a relationship or even good friendships in that state. The PTSD I have fucked me up to much, yet I couldn't figure that out due to not remembering. Good therapy, and good relationships will help mute the horrors of the past.
Are you now seeing a therapist? If not, I'd strongly suggest seeing one so you can talk through these issues. There is a lot that a good therapist can do to help you cope. Also if this thread vanishes, feel free to start a new one. At a little over 300 posts, this thread will start dropping to the bottom much faster.
You may or may not be bisexual so part of the B.;) MDMA can really mess with the brain. From what I've read about it I could see how attractions to anybody could form under it's influence.
Okay Im just really scared about her getting hurt anymore. But shes alot stronger of a person than me so maybe she will be able to handle it better than I am. I just hope whatever happens it will make her life happier.
I see a theripist every weekday right now and then we talk on the phone for an hour on saturday. We are talking through it like you said, but sometimes its just really embarsing b/c I did some really disgusting things, but I am being honest w/ her b/c my Opa thinks its really important or it wont work and I know that I owe it to him to do it right!
I dont think Im going to make another thread b/c Im new here anyway and this threads just been about me. If I could think of something everybody could talk about like the other ppl who make threads here do I would. But I think right now it would just be selfish kinda!
I get why everybody here thinks Im not really into girls and that I just thought I was b/c I was on drugs when we did it. But I think thats what I really would want if one would ever want me again.
I know Im not going to be able to explain this right, but I know most men are good people and I really look up to them but, I cant help but scared of them in way. Like it would be really easy for them to hurt me if they wanted to. And I know most dont but thats what I thought about L like he acted like such a nice person. He reminded me of a dad kinda, He was really old compared to us and never did any drugs himself, he even helped me w/ my hw a few times when I was waiting for cozy. But he was really a very cruel person and I know I cant trust myself to be able to figure that out untill its to late.
Anyway I know nobody here is gone believe me but I really honestly wasnt as this obssesed w/ sex like I know it seemed like when I made this thread. Up untill I met cozy and started doing drugs and going to raves w/ her a few months ago! I honestly didnt think I would do it or even want to before I was in Love and married. but I didnt think I would ever do drugs either so idk...
And I know everbodys gonna say dont listen to them, but ppl on /r9k/ are really honest about this kind of thing and I can understand why guys would only want to marry a girl if shes a virgin, even if if its not what I want to here. And I definetley dont want to end up being one of those girls that tons of guys do it w/ before they find someone that they truly love. Even if this thread makes me sound like thats what I'll end up being.
Lots of bisexuals end up heavily leaning one way or the other, it's no big deal. But you might end up feeling differently about men after a few years, and some therapy.
And /r9k/ is not typical men. It doesn't matter if they're honest, they're honestly bitter and in a huge minority which is why they're so frustrated all the time.
I know its probably gonna be really hard for a person like me, but I promised myself anyway that Im not gonna have sex ever again untill Im married to someone who actually loves me. And I honestly want that to be a girl. I think that it would be alot nicer, b/c I understand girls alot better than I can w/ guys. And I think a girl would also be more understanding of my past and it would not mind as much that Ive been w/ other ppl as long as Im remorsefull b/c of it.
I know it maybe sounds like I just want to be w/ a girl b/c I know a guy wouldnt want to marry me but its honestley what I want more. Like if Im ever lucky enough to end up w/ someone who would be willing to have a kid w/ me it wouldn't even matter if she was a girl b/c I really know in my heart I want to adopt a kid instead of making one b/c not having parents is a terrible thing for a kid to have to deal w/ and it would be a really great thing to give a girl parents especially since I know I would love her just as much anyway.
Oh! and I know it is important to sleep but its hard for me to get it on account of I did too many drugs to the point that my body is messed up so that I get sleep paralysis a bunch of times every time I fall asleep and when I try to wake up.
Im not complaing though b/c Im the one who did the drugs in the 1st place but its actually really terrifying b/c I cant move at all and I like hallucinate when its happening and I always think L's pinning me down again and I cant even scream for help.
My therpists doesnt think that Im actually going crazy though and that thinking someones there whos making it so you cant move is actually pretty normal, and that I need to try wiggling my toes b/c it will help me wake up quicker. But I can never remeber its not real in the 1st place when its actually happening, and Im dreading so much whats going to happen I cant rember to try wiggling them.
Honestly I just have been trying not to sleep until I absoultley cant fight it anymore! b/c being tired during the day isnt nearly as bad as that! but my therpists thinks all that Im doing is making it worse though.
>not allowed to talk to boys
>cuddle and kisses
This almost sounds like on of those a lesbian grooms a straight girl into becoming lesbian.
Anyway at best you are "partially" bisexual unless you don't feel affection to men then you're lesbi.
>ppl on /r9k/
as someone who's browses r9k for 5 years, please do not take anything you read there to heart. there are a lot of very broken people there and they enjoy hurting others and trying to make others feel as insecure and miserable as them. others just think it's funny to fuck with people. please don't assume what any of them say is the truth. it's not. the people there are far from normal and so are the beliefs they hold.
i don't know anything about the kind of things that you went through or how you probably feel about having sex with someone afterwards but i just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't feel like having sex degrades you or makes you worth less than someone who hasn't had sex. if you have sex with someone, that's fine. if you don't want to have sex, that's fine too. do what you feel comfortable with. please don't listen to a bunch of angry losers who want to make you feel bad, though. normal people won't think you're a bad person because you loved someone else or because you slept with someone else. anyone who does has something seriously wrong with them.
~ a robot
I don't know any lesbian who seriously fantasizes about converting straight girls. Some joke about it but would never actually try. Then again, I'm around pretty well-adjusted people.
But this scenario is creepy and abusive. Someone who gives you drugs before coercing you into sex is def a predator.
They likely have cozy in a psych ward for observation. Not fully knowing her situation, I can't comment on what they may all be finding or thinking needs to be done to help her regain an independent life.
Good you're seeing the therapist, and yes be honest. That is how your issues can be figured out, then treated. I myself was more than a bit slutty when young.
I'm more than a bit tired right now so I'll try commenting more later.
Mentors you on what exactly?
A mentor gives you advice and guidance about something. A mentor is someone who helps you in a career field, a sport, musical instrument, some form of art.
It sounds like she is an older women who just wants sex with a young girl. I've done molly a lot when I was younger. It makes you "feel" love. If you're high on molly around her a lot I'd do some deep thinking sober. Are you in "love" with her or do you just like that she gives you free shit and pays a lot of attention to you?
My heart breaks for you, reading this thread. I'm sorry you had to go through this, Maddie. I'm proud of you for putting a stop to L. I'm proud of you for getting into therapy.
And you need to stop devaluing yourself. The fact that you felt good sometimes doesn't undermine the truth that you went through horribly manipulative grooming and abuse. It's okay to have sex with people. But only do it if you want to. Do it if you believe it will be a positive experience. Don't worry about guys who only want to marry virgins. Don't worry about girls who don't want to be with other girls who have been with men. Those stances are symptomatic of shitty attitudes and you wouldn't want to be with people like that anyway. Don't worry about romance for now.
You likely still have a road ahead with regards to recovery. Currently you're probably going through some shit with your brain adjusting its chemical balance. Just hang the fuck in there Maddie, focus on your therapy - you'll be stronger for it.
Oh man I had sooo much sleep paralysis in my teens. Saw all kinds of weird stuff. From pink, fluffy marshmallow people to nightmare visions and everything in-between. It's perfectly normal to hallucinate during sleep paralysis. It's called hypnagogic hallucinations. People actually use SP to induce lucid dreaming.
Anyway, to me SP could be very scary at first, then I started recognising when I was paralysed and got more used to it. This might not apply for you, but the more I'd struggle against it, the more things would "shake". Also, any time I got paralysed once I had to get up and walk around to wake back up a little and reset, or I would just get paralysed again as soon as it was over. For me it also happened more often if my room wasn't completely dark. It happens much less now that I'm done with my teens.
OP: I would not say 'stay out of the rave scene' but be careful that you don't get hooked on drugs by people who do it to fuck you. That is hard,as at raves people will give out drugs to people just to get them high so that everyone can share the experience of being on acid and whatnot.
Also there is a difference between SPARINGLY using those sorts of drugs and using them 3 times per week. Using them is not bad. OVERUSE which your situation was is. Think the difference between occasionally getting fucked up and a douchebag alcoholic.
ask 420chan for better informaton.
Ok first of all, you sound like an idiot so stop eating molly. MDMA is a neurotoxin. Second WTF kind of idiot won't let you communicate with other humans?
You write like a five year old but obviously are older having access to the things you do so my advice is stop raving, start reading, and act your age because this entire post disgusted me.