Trans regrets thread.

>>5477982
>tfw will never have transitioned at 12
>tfw will never go as a slut to parties looking to get fucked at 16
>tfw will never be rebellious and desperate to get fucked because no boys in school wants me, and because I'd be bullied

>made up mind to transition when I was 19
>didn't want to self med so didn't get on hormones until 21
>tfw I could have been full time and possibly even post-op by now

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>>5477982
I regret that I can't be candid about my trans status nearly as easily with new friends as I could with friends I had before my transition. It's weird to be seen as a ciswoman and then having to find the right moment to drop that oh wait I'm not.

I also regret that the best way to salvage my relationship with my grandma is to cut off all ties with her. I can't come out to her, cause it'll mean losing a trust fund worth thousands of dollars, possibly enough for SRS, but I also can't bear to write letters to her under my dead name.

I fucking ended up poor and homeless anyway, I should have transitioned at 15 when I was pretty. My family is shit.

31, not even started transition yet.

I hate you all. Come and visit so I can punish you.

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>>5477982

Going from most recent to further in the past. I'm 20 and will be 21 in a few weeks.

>Deciding to temporarily stop HRT to see if it was causing my headaches, I originally started on June 2 of the last year, and started back up on August 21. So I lost nearly 2 months. I don't think it had anything to do with HRT, in the end.
>Spending the last two years depressed and planning to kill myself partly for being a tranny without actually doing it, or anything else for that matter.
>Not telling the psychologist I went to during senior year that I think I might be trans. Partly because I was paranoid that my father knew what I was discussing during my appointments (nothing much) with the psychologist and he always asked after every appointment just to see if I was lying. Of course, it was the obvious, he was asking because he didn't know.
>Ending up such a husk of a person from repression and self-imposed seclusion that when it came time to write my personal statement for my application to college, I didn't really feel like I had anything to say about myself. That led into a spiral of depression. The university I'm currently attending didn't require essays at the time I applied, and that's probably the only reason I'm at university now.
>Being afraid of how transition may change how I interact with the orthodontist during my time with them (starting treatment as a boy -> getting braces taken off as someone who looks too much like a girl to be coincidence). Started orthodontic treatment at 16.
>Being so shut-up within myself and too stubborn to even want to change or admit any desire to do so since childhood. I have yet to change as well. Having friends might have helped me realize and do something about it sooner, or at the very least, I might have had a friend who would be interested in dating me after transition.

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>>5477982
>>5479489

>Not telling my mom more directly that I wanted to be a girl instead of asking what my name would have been if I were a girl. That was when I was discharged from the same hospital I was born in after my respiratory infection at 8 years old. As if I had gained "a new lease on life."
>Being too afraid to ask my mom about boys becoming girls. To be honest, I thought she was born a boy too. Which was what scared me so much I kept my mouth shut, if I were wrong, she would be really offended and hurt.
>Being born trans.
>Having the sort of father too moralfag to even consider abortion or to allow transition. He talks about it like he did me a favor. Not in a smug, self-satisfied way, he just genuinely thinks I'm better off. That might be why I haven't told him I wish I had been aborted. If he were a smug, holier-than-thou asshole, I would have told him off.

I wonder if there had been any more trans-related regrets.

>>5478409
You really should write your grandmother, you'll regret not doing so if you don't.

>>5479366
Get started sempai; I'm 29 and just started 7 months ago, I'll never pass, sure, but boymode with boobs isn't so terrible and I feel so much better physically and mentally now that I'm taking HRT.

>>5477982
>Came out at 14
>Parents are cool with it
>Go to therapy
>1st appointment
>Literally first question out of therapist's mouth is "Do you watch shemale porn"
>Say "no" and feel extremely awkward the rest of the time there
>Answered barely any of her questions and she writes me off as an "effeminate homosexual" on the very first meeting
>Never go back to her and quit talking about transition for 2 years
>16 years old and male puberty has done its damage
>tell mom I need to go back to therapy
>new therapist isn't a standoffish piece of shit and I feel comfortable around her
>get on hormones and cry a lot because I could've transitioned at 14 and became a qt grill.

19 now and I'm sorta kinda getting over being a retard at 14.

(lol jk cried while writing this.)

>>5479568
I don't think anyone feels good about how late they transitioned no matter how early they transition, really.

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>>5479568
>>Literally first question out of therapist's mouth is "Do you watch shemale porn"

>>5479587
I wish I'd kept looking for a better therapist when I was 15. I knew I was trans. I just kept getting the 18 plus shit.

>>5477982
I started HRT at 16, and could have at least transferred schools or something to enjoy a bit of the whole female-highschool-teenage experience thing, but waited until 18. It's not like it's the worst thing ever, and I'm happy I started early, but I feel like I missed some good times

>>5479601
>Tfw I watched a lot of shemale porn since I was 10 and it might explain my gender issues and trans feelings

being alive

>>5479513
I worry I'll look bad and worse, start liking men. Not out of fear of gayness (I'm already bi but just for sex), but because I plain don't like men, and pity anyone who's attracted to them romantically. And fucking up my sex drive and shrinking/switching off what organs I do have.

Also having to go to the doctor and explain it all when I already have to rely on them for other medication. So many worries :(

>>5479587

I have yet to hear a case of someone regretting starting "late" at 14. But that may be because I have yet to hear from anyone who successfully transitioned at 14.

>>5479740
I know a few who are starting at that age. They have come through the local support group.

>>5479755
>tfw you were born slightly too early for the golden age of young transitioners

>>5479796
>golden age of young transitioners
I wouldn't be surprised if most people started transitioning between 14-17 in 10 or 15 years

>>5479796
60's child here.......
>tfw kept getting told you must be over 18.
Fucking sucked!!!!
England was doing them at 16 a decade earlier.

>>5479879
Kind of makes me want to die

>>5479879
I really hope so. For their sakes. Still I bet a few will slip through.

>>5479366
>Come and visit so I can punish you
l-lewd

>>5479883
>posts in every single thread about their historic life.

You are like the only one of your age in lgbt and you post in every thread

>>5479888
Same. Trans and queer visibility is getting so much better, it's one of the few things I envy kids for. Good luck to them, the bastards.

>>5479920
yawn

>>5479931
Ya whatever you should put your trip on y you are a ridiculous internet dweller and you make up stories

>>5479755

So it's too early to say if they think they regretted not starting younger since you say "starting" instead of "started."?

>>5479601
Like, how do you not accidentally stumble on ten million shemale porn sites when the only word you know is "transsexual" as a 12yo kid.

>>5480039
Yeah, but the young transitioners are happening more and more which is very good for them.

>>5477982
only thing i really regret is buying into all the tumblr woe is me crap. kept me from actually doing what i wanted because i thought it would be too hard. I saw a therapist three times, got my prescription, and have been on t for a year now. i dont even have insurance and i still afforded it easily. if id just grown a pair sooner instead of being a whiny bitch id be farther along now

>>5480222
I feel bad for ftms for having to deal with tumblr

>>5480244
when i first came out i even went to tumblr trans meetup, literally just a bunch of straight chicks with short haircuts and wearing guys clothes that wanted to be cool. now dont get me wrong, i dont think my life is that hard, but why would you want to feel like you dont fit into your body? why is it not enough to pretend to be bi anymore

>>5480065

Sure you can come across it online, but to this day I am 20 and I never watched trans porn (or porn in general).

>>5480081

A few months ago, I went to Mass because my father loves to make us go with him, and in the pew in front of us was a couple with a young child, maybe 4 years old. It was a girl that was really strange in some way. Eventually I realized they were biologically male.

Guessing from the length of their hair they hadn't been living in a female role for very long. Also, they moved around during Mass way too much for a girl, so that may have made it easier to clock them, kek. My father noticed eventually as well. Seems like he was very bothered by the situation. Like he was going to blow his top at the parents or he was thinking "the world's going to hell in a handbasket." I was sad about it because I wasn't so lucky to have understanding parents. Near the end they were looking at me and smiling, like you see children do from time to time. I wondered what they were thinking with my head down, hoping they didn't think I was handsome because that would make me want to kill myself.

After Mass, my father asked if we noticed anything strange about the girl in front of us, but I said I didn't. It seemed like he was about to go on a rant in the car, but then he muttered "Let me keep my mouth shut." He was still visibly upset. I felt bad for the parents for taking their child to what they must have assumed would be a welcoming community. I haven't seen them since.

>>5480357
>Also, they moved around during Mass way too much for a girl
You'd have a field day with my mom.

>>5480370

And what's she like? Domineering?

>regret that I knew at 16 but thought transitioning made you into a man in a dress
>never told anyone and repressed the shit outta myself, pretty much self imposed isolation through my 20's, even found a job where no women worked because seeing women was too painful
>tried to live as effeminate gay guy but gay guys always want to play with your dick so never worked

Started transitioning at 28 but of course wish I had started at 16.

>>5479366
Why even live?

>>5478409
>not writing to your nanna
>milking her for inheritance

you're a sick grandkid, fuck you

>>5480716
>Why even live?

Because there's more to life than having the body you want.

>Not knowing earlier that I was trans
>live in the stupid redneck state of Alabama
>live in the boonies of Alabama
>Being quiet about how I felt
>Luckly I look like a girl anyway and any masculine features will probably be put down by hormones

From 13 till 19 i kept saying next year is the year i come out to my mother and do something about this. Didnt end up doing anything till i was fucking 25 lmao.

>>5480455
No, I mean my grandparents and her said the same thing; she was super fidgety in church and how much she couldn't stand it was a bigger reason for them to stop going than the fact that both are atheists.

>>5480852

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure what you meant.

>>5480357
How much she fidgets means little.

We have a couple congregations that are welcoming here in central Iowa. One even hosts a weekend trans therapy group, and has our moderator come and give talks at their teen youth group.

Generally Unitarian Universalists are the most welcoming, but there are a few others right up there. I don't keep up because I'm basically atheist.

>>5480784
Hey I live in Alabama too! I know how it is man, Shit sucks.

>>5481372

It wasn't fidgeting so much as it was spinning and playing while everything else was going on. And I'm not TRYING to sound like an asshole, but the way they moved was just really reminiscent of a boy, as it occurred, in my mind.

You mean Catholic congregations in Iowa? Surprising.

>>5481458
There is one catholic one that is accepting, but the one with the group is some other denomination.

>not starting the process of getting a referral to a GIC until last year
I should have done this as soon as I was 18, I think I'm fucked at 22. I still have 10 months to wait until my first appointment

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>knew I wanted to be a girl when I was 5 and never said anything about after my mother beat me up with a paddle for wearing her makeup and making a dress out of her blouse
>could have ran away several times but never did out of fear
>manned up at 17 after friend beat me up for wearing a dress around him one time
>came out to mom at 23 and she forced me back in repression
>went to therapy and had a diagnosis of GID but let mom talk me out of going on hrt
>manned up more that ever till 25 and then finally made a suicide attempt

Been on hrt for almost a year now at 26 but I will never pass as a girl now. My life is over

>>5479568
Was that quack in Daytona Beach? It sounds like one of the first ones I went to too.

>>5482213
Nah, I'm in San Diego, Cali. Sorry you had to deal with a ding dong too :(

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>>5482113
Kayla... had a hard life.

>>5481458
I know a lot of girls who do that. Little girls aren't naturally passive.

>>5483285
Seriously, my nieces are way more hyperactive than my nephews.

>>5483285
>>5483333

I did say she moved more than girls I've seen move. Not that girls don't move at all. Last time I went (whenever that was) there was a girl who stood up, even on the pew periodically. The girl next to her (sister, I'm guessing) was settled in her seat, but interacted with her sister using her arms slightly less often than her sister moved. That was the difference, the trans girl was moving most of the time, the cis girls I've seen move moved some of the time.

But I'll try to remember to study the difference in how children of different genders act next time I am stuck at church.

i regret that I am a mentally ill fag that wants to be a girl

please end me

>>5483194
which area of sd
i'm from there too and pre-everything so i don't want to encounter that therapist

damn, not sure wtf i am doing but

>came out to mum before christmas this year
>she's basically telling me the rest of my family will never accept me and i'll probably have to change my last name so it can be a "clean break"
>wants me to wait until after i finish my bachelor's but doesn't realize that if i do my academic career is fucked (in sciences, degree is useless without grad school & i'm gonna get funny looks if a prof recommends me with girl name and a guy with a different name shows up)
>going to appointment with GP to try and get a therapist or endo referral on wednesday

wish me luck, 4chin

>>5484530
>>5484530
It's been so long that I can't remember :(

I'm pretty sure her first name was Patricia though if that helps a little.

When i was 16.

>work at college. professor offers to get me hormones and adopt me and let me be her cute girl and call me Alice. Politely decline. She asks again. say no again. she seems sad.

>tfw no save game file to load

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Being born

>>5481374
>I know how it is man

Lol you people are cute.

>>5484729
Good luck! Yeah, get that name change done before you finish your BS so you can do grad with your new name. You'll make professional contacts during grad school, and it will help to be using your chose name by then.

>>5485697
This is just like my doujins

>>5482213
Wait, are you talking about Mitch Spero? I had him and he sounds like the person anon was talking about. He was a real jackass.

>>5477982
>knew i was trans when i was around 13
>to scared to tell anybody
>started at 22
>i do okay but it pains me everyday that i havent started earlier.

>>5494417
No, my quacks were women. 1 in St. Aug, 1 in Daytona.

Had to goto Orlando to get someone who wasn't crazier then me.

I regret my fear of passing and self-consciousness keeping me from living important formative years as well as developing social and live skills.

>tfw figured it out when I was 15
>came out to my mom shortly before 16th birthday
>told them all about my plan how I would transfer from my bible school and finish transition by 18
>even made a little timeline and a small info sheet on hormones
>mom accepting, idk about step-dad, seems to be taking it all in stride
>mom says I have to stay in bible school because all she cares about are my grades
>tfw dad is conservative fundamentalist evangelical christian who is also pentacostal (speaking in tongues)
>go to therapist for one session, she went over basics and gave a bunch of resources on autism since "transgender people may have a disposition to autism"
>pay out of pocket so dad doesn't find out
>never go back since really the only reason is to get hormones, but since I go to bible school I can't transition
>here I am trying to keep my grades up while hoping I get accepted to the college I want so I can transition and cut off all contact with classmates
>dad still doesn't know
>tfw you grew to 5'8" during that time and hope your face can still pass
>thisisfine.jpg

yeah, that's my story. Although I can't transition, at least my mom seems to be supporting and not outright transphobic. And I might be able to get some financial help from her in the future. I still have to prepare myself that my dad may disown me outright. I still contemplate whether I should go deep stealth since I'm deathly afraid of anyone from my school finding out or word getting back to the community ;_;

Right now I'm just worried that I might not make it into the colleges that I want, since I'm kinda in the median scores for both of the colleges I want to go to... Not to mention that I can't apply as a transperson since I'm afraid that my school will find out about it, but I am planning to email both colleges anonymously to ask about their arrangements. ;___; Life in the south I guess

>>5477982
>coming out before well in to HRT
care to elaborate? why?

>>5482113
post ur face pls

>>5495375
because I was a swede-italian hormone machine. I was physical specimen even though I never worked out. basically I was a fugly hon for about 6mo and it hurt my feelers

If I would have done HRT in boymode it would have made everything easier

>>5482113
get surgery.

>>5495737
>get surgery
With what money?

>>5477982
MTF, starting HRt in a few weeks. I regret learning about AGP here on 4chan

That shit set me back MONTHS, I became full of self-loathing and bleh. AGP, I mean, it's unfounded bullshit, a theorem developed by a sexist fuckwad researcher in the 80.

There ain't shit wrong with the fact that I like girls and I wanna be a girl, and I think I'd be a hot girl.

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>Knew from like 7 years old, never had the guts to admit I felt like a girl (parents admitted later that they wouldn't have allowed me anyway)
>Found out about transgenderism at 15, tried to repress it for two years like an idiot
>Got dicked around by my parents when I did come out at 17, ended up having to wait until I was 18 to start HRT
>Dropped out of school instead of moving schools (I passed after a couple of months)

Really, I regret listening to my Dad's bullshit about the importance of manliness enough to repress myself so hard. My whole childhood was "muh boy so proud gonna grow up to fuck chicks and beat up dudes".

I just hope VR is good enough that I can emulate the adolescence I missed out on some day.

>>5496005

I also lacked any sort of courage in my body and I regret listening to my fucking father too, anon. The difference is I'm going to come out to my parents for the first time tomorrow and I started at 20.

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>>5496017
Fucking dads, anon. The only reason I had the guts to do it was because of my incredibly chill and supportive girlfriend. They still give me such shit for a year. Refused to call me by my name, wouldn't talk about it in front of family, made me wait 8 months to see a "gender therapist" who told me I should wait until I had kids and got married at 30something to decide, even fucking though my psych had given me the letter I needed to start.

Bullshit. It's all bullshit. Be brave, girl, and be unwavering. It's not a battle with these people, it's a full scale campaign.

>>5495868
AGP is a condition, not a theory

>>5496053
>The only reason I had the guts to do it was because of my incredibly chill and supportive girlfriend

She's gonna dump you within a year. Start having beta orbiters on the rebound later on.

>>5496053

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I hope your parents start treating you better and get it through their skulls.

>>5496096
Well shit that's funny, we've been together for three years and I came out to her after a month.

>>5496100
They kind of behave now, in a "it's easier to just tolerate it" kind of way. They love outing me to their friends for the shock value, so I'm kind of a novelty to them.

Good luck with you too. Don't chicken out.

>>5496053
>a "gender therapist" who told me I should wait until I had kids and got married at 30something to decide
I don't even.

>>5495652
But why did you even do that? I thought everyone stays in boymode for the first few years.

>>5497549
the day i started hrt i was extremely andro/passing as a tomboy and had alright got my voice down

>>5497577
but then you said you were a "fugly hon"?

>>5497582
different anon. everyone has a different experiences though

>>5479923
>Good luck to them, the bastards.
>As though the pendulum will never swing back
>As though it hasn't already started
It must be nice to be this ahistorical. I wish I knew what this kind of blind hope felt like.

>>5480254
>why is it not enough to pretend to be bi anymore
too many girls pretending to be bi

>>5496057
AGP is a flawed diagnosis by a guy who wanted to pathologicalize transgenders.

>>5478005
No boy in school would want you because you have a penis.

I regret my forefathers paying the way for a world where you people are accessible. Does that count on this thread?

>>5506877

>I regret my forefathers paying the way for a world where you people are accessible

Rephrase in a way that makes sense.

>>5479489
>>5479494

Remembered two more.

>Falling into my parents' transphobia in middle school and telling my little brother he shouldn't watch a NatGeo documentary on a late transitioner I caught him watching because I didn't want him to get in trouble. I still wanted to watch it with him a lot but feared getting in trouble too. He got caught watching it by my father later that day and I walked in as he was caught. I was left very unsettled that day. I'm also concerned because this, along with some other things give me reason to suspect he's trans (there are also some things which make me think he isn't), and it bothers me that I may have helped closet someone.
>When I was in 5th grade, the entire grade went to this museum of science somewhere in NY state. One of the exhibits was a computer that predicted what you would look like in some amount of years, maybe 10, I think. When I arrived at the exhibit, there was already this older kid surrounded by his classmates who decided to see what he would look like as a girl. I wanted to see what I would look like as a girl too, but before I could use it judgment-free, some of my group arrived. So I just put "male" when it asked if I were male or female even though it didn't interest me anywhere near as much as the "female" option. It made me a much lighter-skinned (I am Hispanic), fat guy (I've never been over 26 BMI, and am now 23) with a nearly shaved head. I felt insulted, and it also ended up being tremendously wrong (thankfully).

>>5495737
I didn't know it was that easy! Oh boy! I'm gonna get liek 20 surgeries :DDDDDDDDD

>>5478785
jord :<

I love you

>>5478409
Will she not cut off the trust fund if you just suddenly dont talk/write her for the rest of her life? I would if i were in her position desu