I work part time at a gun counter, I get a good discount and it pays for my hobby. I've been sharing these silly stories for the past few weeks here on /k/. Yet again I invite others to post their funny gun shop experiences. This thread is for humor, some accounts may be exaggerated. Please don't take it too seriously.
Q: Why won't you give people .22lr, asshole?
A: We sell tons of .22Lr, and are the best store in the area for .22lr availability and price. We also run out of .22lr sometimes, and that's where the funny stories come in. We ration out the ammunition with a certain limit on sales per day and per customer. This combats hoarding of .22lr and spreads the love around. If we didn't do this, preppers would show up Monday morning when we open and buy us out, then our shelves would be empty all week. Please try to understand..
>5.11 rep is here
>511 is also how much he weighs
>repping the spirit of the brand naturally
>this guy is so fucking fat
>gut hangs over where penis should be
>harasses our customers
>helping guy at counter
>asks if we still have a 5.7
>it sold but is on order
>"when that thing hit the streets it was a battle for us"
>"it goes right through body armor"
>"it was standard issue back in the 80's for all of us FBI agents"
>"when i was in the FBI we would sneak them into the country because they don't show up in metal detectors"
>radio crackles to life
>do we carry monkey food?
>my fucking sides
>fat as fuck black woman comes in
>looks sorta like that rapist whats his name again oh yeah bill cosby
>"DO YOU HAVE A .38 REVOLVERS"
>"OHHH BOY LET ME TELL YOU"
>"I HAVE AN S&W 380"
>"OHHHH YOU GUNNA GET ME IN TROUBLE"
>she's trying to get attention and its working
>other customers are staring at her because she's fat, loud and gross
>9/10 hot country (white) wifey looking at her like she's about to bust up laughing
>"I MIGHT HAVE TO BUY THIS RIGHT NOW"
>"LET ME THINK ABOUT IT"
>"WHOOO LORDY YOU GONNA GET ME IN TROUBLE"
>whip out $700 leopold binoculars
>watch her exit main door
>focus binoculars on her eating @ our free BBQ demo outside
I let somebody else take that one, was too busy laughing hard.
>wait for somebody to copy
>hold down button for 30 seconds
>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>wait a second, poised
>"watch your radios plea-"
>hold down button again
Not sure what point this company went downhill so far and began catering to tacticalfags.
I remember back in the '90s they were always sold in outdoors stores with the rest of the climbing equipment (hence the name). Only people I ever saw wearing 5.11 were granola eaters/REI shoppers. Then some time around mid or late 2000 something it's like BOOM! Cops and tacticalfags everywhere.
>running a number system because four behind the counter and 60 in front of it
>buddys kid (22 years old) is working the counter to help me out
>he knows more about guns than 99% of the people I know
>he calls next number
>guy looks up, sees him
>guy says "I don't want to buy a gun from some idiot kid."
>Kid looks at him and says "I don't want to sell a gun to a rude asshat."
Guy flipped his shit, demanded to speak to the guy in charge. I step over and high five the kid in front of him.
>200 boxes of .22 available limit 2 per customer
>first 100 people in line get coupon for said .22 to be fair to the people who camped out all night
>guy comes in 1 hours after opening
>got any of that .22lr left?
>we can only sell the remaining boxes after all 100 coupons are redeemed, we need to be fair to the customers that waited in line and are still filling out forms for firearms.
>guy freaks out and starts yelling about how he was in line just like everyone else
>where in line were you sir? i handed out all the coupons personally.
>he points behind him
>tfw he's talking about the checkout line
>>wait for somebody to copy
>>hold down button for 30 seconds
>>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>>wait a second, poised
>>"watch your radios plea-"
>>hold down button again
>guy helping wifey pick out a pistol
>can we see this sig p380
>hands it to wife
>she's waving it around at my head
>honey don't point guns at people
>"it's not loaded!"
>you didn't check..
>"IT'S NOT LOADED!"
>repeat 3x with several other pistols
>have you got any .22lr
>just one moment
>i stand there, looking him in the eye, not blinking
>he nervously looks down at his phone
>that's right, i'm still here - gazing into your soul
>he seems uncomfortable
>starts to ask me "i'm sorry what-"
>sorry we're sold out
Holy shit wow
>watch guy hurt his thumb trying to release slide on 1911
>actually looks upset from the pain
>customer farts loudly while we're talking to him
>guy explains to me why his uncle likes .40
>different customer explains to me why he enjoyed shooting his friend's .40
>you don't have any .22lr do you?
>dude comes in with hot gf
>she's carrying a g26 in neato small of the back holster where the thing is upside down
>tell her "nice holster"
>looks at me like i just asked for her phone number
Oh man, so this happened yesterday.
Little old man comes into my place to pick up a custom glock frame. I go and grab it and he tells me about how he loves shooting, but due to his arthritis he can only use a HEAVILY modified glock. He goes on saying how the only gun he had that he can actually shoot anymore was stolen when someone broke into his place. It was a .357sig glock with about 2000$ worth of modifications done by his friend who was a gunsmith. Now, he's trying to rebuild the gun that was stolen.
I had him the 4473 and he spent about an hour on it. He was on his way to a hotel from the airport and he had a throbbing headache. I run the check and he gets a delay, not uncommon with the sheer mass of guns being sold that day.
The guy almost broke down in tears. I go on to say there's nothing I can do for him and that it's out of my power. I tell him I'll call him when I get a response.
Turns out he lives in Nebraska. He flew up here JUST to pick this frame up and he's leaving in two days. The whole trip here was for nothing. So naturally I ask why he had it shipped here and not to him.
Turns out his "gunsmith friend" is on his deathbed and isn't expected to last more than a week or so. They where childhood friends. He planned on visiting him a final time with the frame and parts so his friend could talk him through putting it together.
>Sitting behind pistol cases.
>See customer huddled over boxes of ammo.
>What the fuck is he doing?
>Casually stand up and stroll down the counter to look into the other ammo aisles.
>Empty boxes everywhere.
>This mother fucker is stealing ammo.
>Jump the pistol cases and almost fall on my face.
>Catch myself and tap his shoulder.
>Fucker has a box of 9mm trying to dump it into his hoodie pocket.
>looks like he's a spider carrying her young.
>Fucking pocket is lumpy as shit and sagging with the sheer volume of rounds he stashed.
>He tries to run.
>Grab his arm and he falls down,
>Bullets fucking explode everywhere onto the shop floor.
>Watch him scramble to his feet and scurry out the door like a spooked Raccoon.
>I had to clean up all the bullets.
>customer explains to me why .40 is a pretty good round
>watch co-worker go into bathroom
>radio him asking his location
>guy explains to me why he prefers .45
>standing at counter
>eyes glazed over
>realize my life is pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things
>go back to stacking boxes of clay disks
Well jesus fuckin' christ
>son shopping with dad for fist carry gun
>show him a few guns
>settles on colt defender
>be OP's coworker
>browse 4chan irregularly
>annoyed after some chucklefuck dicking around with the radios at work
>stumble drunkenly into /k/
>mfw this thread
>firearms is going to have a bodily fluids cleanup tomorrow
Stay frosty OP, you're putting your ass on the line to bring us these stories.
I've got one from the other side of the counter.
>go inna Cabelas
>up to counter
>old, fat guy wearing skinnyjeans, a pink polo and a gay-assed christmas vest (in September) working the counter
>ask to see Browning X-bolt
>hands me a R700
>no, X-bolt please
>hands me a Savage 10
>NO, a FUCKING BROWNING X-bolt. IT"S RIGHT THERE
>hands me an A-bolt 2
>well at least you got the right fucking manufacturer this time...
>20 minutes and 7 rifles later finally hands me the proper gun after me counting the guns in the row to get to the right one for him
>It's in fucking .243WSSM
>ask if they have any other calibers
>hands me an R700
>fuck this I quit
>customer walks up
>do you have any .22lr
>let me check in the back
>walk backwards into storage
>locate damaged products
>select turkey call that fell out of package
>crack door open
>get visual on customer
>watch dad wrap arms around really hot 18y/o daughter
>trying to fit her for a shotgun
>gonna post this on /k/ later
>be farting into zip-up rifle case
>manager walks by and looks at me
>watch 50% of my customers use t-cup hold on pistols
>Wife demonstrates no ability or willingness to control firearms
>Refuses to learn or understand a basic tenant of safety
>Arguing with someone more knowledgeable about them than she is
Why are you buying her a gun she sounds like a dumb bitch
>went to highschool with girl in your pic (lena)
>mfw I was so close to fucking lena
>be me and shit like that
>go to LGS
>dudes are bros
>chat it up with them
>do some shooting
>talk some more look at random shit and ask prices
>never buy shit, not even ammo because the prices are insane
Robbins sold a 51% stake in his company to Dan Costa in 1999, who, after a lot of streamlining, noticed that the 5.11 Tactical pants were becoming popular at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia.
Wikipedia has your answer. Costa is that answer.
Oh Jesus fuck I though that was the picture of the dog with all of the ticks stuck to its face fuck fuck you
I spaced out. For some reason, anyone who comes to the counter and mentions .40 feels the need to justify the caliber.
He wasn't actually harassing them, he was just educating them about 5.11 products.
Because he wants to realize his dream of having 3.5/10 wifu who shoots 14" groups at 10ft at any cost
>laying on back spread eagle in bathroom
>pants around ankles
>spreading ballsack skin out like wings
>radio asks my position
>guy walks up
>interested in buying stuff
>takes his time carefully
>answer lots of questions for him
>compare different options
>finds something he's interested in
>turns out he lives in CA
>this is going to complicate things sir
>dat look of sadness
At least I still have my trusty supply of Oreos.
Fuck, I know I have more of these, but I haven't organized them into a coherent folder.
Is that a crab
>customer explains to me his corporate / government conspiracy theory on .22lr
>customer explains why shooting his friend's .40 "wasn't really that bad"
>stop to help cute co-worker girl stock shelves
>make lame jokes
>she laughs easy
>smells like shampoo
>pretend i forgot her name again
back at the gun counter
>showing guy FN 45
>dude's hands are shaking
>can see his heartbeat in neck
>drops magazine on floor
>hits his foot as he tries to catch it
>it goes sliding across the floor
>he goes running after it with FN 45 at high aready
>ask him if i've seem him at our local three guns competition
I HAVE TO NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE REST OF MY INSECT RELATED .GIFs
NOW I HAVE TO DO OCD-BAIT PICTURES AND IT ISN'T AS GOOD
I have a few of these, though they're not as good as yours.
BAMP THE THREAD TIEM
Not him but I took your advice, am satisfied.
That first spider .gif I posted was actually the result I got.
Now these I actually have a near unlimited supply of.
>>wait for somebody to copy
>>hold down button for 30 seconds
>>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>>wait a second, poised
>>"watch your radios plea-"
>>hold down button again
I worked at Toys R Us for 6 months during high school. I did that shit all the time.
I could go on like this for a considerable amount of time.
I should probably stop and talk about gun shops now though.
>usual bs with bros there
>state cop car in parkinglot
>go in expecting entertainment
>state cop buyin a lower
>neckbeards in a circle not near counter
>ask to pet dog
>notices PMR-30 in case for $389 first evar
>ask to see
>neckbeard army all start convulsing
>first they got in
>bs with cop
>shove through neckbeards
>gotta petta doggy and get a PMR
Another non-LGS post.
This literally happened in the store I managed. Afterwards, the guy tried to sell the buyer whatever product he had invented.
It was so bad, he had to throw his shoes away.
this happened a while back
>>get off work
>>got paid that day too
>>ride isn't picking me up since he's pissed off
>>i'm pissed off now
>>walk over to sports othorahtay
>>wander to the back and stare at the guns
>>five minutes of gazing upon all the shotguns and carbines and hunting rifles
>>older guy employee comes over and sees my glazed over eyes
>>"Can i help ya fine anything to day?"
>>snap back "oh uh yeah, can i see that uh ruger 10/22"
>>he hands it to me and starts chewing the fat about his friend having one in '63
>>decide to buy it
>>some dudebros come by with armfuls of 12 gauge boxes and asks for .22
>>guy behind the counter says he hasn't had any for months
>>background check takes about an hour to sort out because forgot social security #
>>guy mentions scars on my thumbs and what i do for work
>>explain it's just dead skin
>>talk about scars and how multiple people have tried to kill him at one time or another
>>finish up and pay half cash and card
>>remember i have to take public transit
>>at least three employees grimace at the mention
>>decide to wrap ruger box in hoodie
>>waiting for train as asian family stares me down
>>stare back at them
>>get on train
>>now i'm sitting next to a box wearing a hoodie with the eagle in plain sight
>>no one cared
>>hop onto bus
>>bus driver didn't even take a second look
>>get home with no issues
guy who sold me the ruger was pretty cool, will do free install if i buy a scope or red dot from same store
>yfw every single one of those 9mm in that box combined aren't as strong as a .45
There are plenty more. It's apparently someone's etsy stuff
How can you tell who fucked up the bathroom?
There was a guy at my old high school who would take the entire roll of toilet paper and just shove it down the toilet. He never got caught, although he told me about it later.
>customer: Can I see that Glock 23?
>me: sure (hand Glock to customer)
>customer: oh I dont like the way that feels in my hand. Can I see the Glock 19?
>me: sure but it is the same size and shape as the 23 ( hand Glock 19 to customer)
>customer: yeah that feels way better!
Other side of the counter story.
>Live in New Hampshire
>Fudds, Free Staters, and Babyboomers from Massachusets who don't want to pay taxes as far as the eye can see
>Go to local funstore to help local business
>Look around for 30 minutes
>ATI AR .223 upper, no BCG, $450
>Wood Stock (basic) 10/22 $250
Finally see .22lr
> 50 rnd Boxes, $5 a box, buy 4 get one free
> 8 cents a round isn't terrible
>Pick up ten boxes (there's a whole goddamn pile of 'em easily 3 cases worth), leave plenty there
> Walk up to counter
>"WHADDA THINK YOU'RE DOING, SON?"
>Fatfuck owner pops out from backroom
>"YOU CAN'T BUY ALL THAT, THERE'S A LIMIT!"
>"Sorry, didn't see the sign, what's the limit?"
>"WHAT'D YOU SAY?!"
>Realize this fatfuck is deaf at 40.
>"SORRY, DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A LIMIT! WHAT IS IT?"
>"LIMIT MEANS YOU CAN ONLY BUY SO MUCH!"
laughingsluts.jpg in my head as we are now both yelling at each other in a shop the size of a large closet.
>"HOW MANY CAN I BUY?!"
>"ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER PER DAY!"
Only other clerk, 20 something guy helping with a gun sale, starts laughing.
>" HOW CAN I BUY 4, GET ONE FREE THEN?!"
>"NO, YOU CAN'T BUY 4, ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER PER DAY!"
>Point at sign in front of .22lr pile
>"I CAN'T READ THAT ALL THE WAY OVER THERE! BRING IT OVER HERE!"
Now I'm invested in this.
>I bring the sheet over.
>"WHO WROTE THIS?! DID YOU TYPE THIS?!"
Motherfucker I just walked into your store. You saw me pull it off the shelf where it was stapled on.
>Other Cashier pauses his sale, comes over.
>Sheet has signature, signed illegibly, in corner.
>"DAD, YOU SIGNED THIS, YOU MUST HAVE TYPED IT UP!"
>"FINE! SELL HIM THE DAMN .22!"
>Cashier checks out my order.
>"Sorry 'bout that."
>"No problem man, good luck on the sale."
>He smiles sheepishly.
>"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SOLD HIM ALL THAT AMMO!"
pic related, MFW
One guy nearby took a shit in a paper towel and put it in the hand soap dispenser, then unscrewed the lightbulb so nobody could see it.
He got caught because he was in class right next to the bathroom and when he heard the "OH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS" he fell out of his chair laughing. I heard he got expelled.
I love when shit like this happens. What I really enjoy is when I hand them the first pistol they dismissed initially, after trying many others and they declare that this it is the best one so far.
What the fuck
>How can you tell who fucked up the bathroom?
He fucking owned up to it. He had shit all over the room, the walls, the floor, his own shoes (which he put into the trash), came out with shit on the hems of his pants, said he was sorry, asked for flip flops (which we don't carry), said he was sorry, asked to see the manager, said he was sorry.
We thought he was going to apologize more, but he picked up his case, probably with shit on the bottom, and pulled out whatever product he was trying to sell. Said he was sorry for shitting all over the bathroom, demonstrated the item, talked with the buyer (I can't say he shot the shit because that was already done).
All the while our most spergerific employee was in the bathroom with a mop, a bucket full or water, two brand new bottles of bleach spray, a ten-pack of gloves, and dust masks.
It stank for days. Literally for days.
It's rare a week goes by without some kid doing a bladder dump inside the Little Tikes playhouse or leaving a trail as turds drop from the back of their britches. But this really took the cake.
Hwat the hell is wrong with y'all? Bathrooms are meant to be a safe space for a man to do his business and here you are ruining it.
> yfw he was actually an atf agent
> yfw you just saved your ffl by being a cold hearted bastard
>mfw you reminded me that they had to start quartering the oranges in the school lunches after shitheads wouldn't stop flushing them down the toilets
There was one guy in middle school who just took a dump on a paper towel and threw it at the bathroom ceiling repeatedly until it stuck. Everyone avoided that bathroom for weeks afterwards until the janitors finally found out about it.
Needless to say, he was a very special individual.
Uh nothing really crazy maybe $1,500 or so. I haven't been on the job very long and our most expensive piece is maybe $2,500.
>watching the blue sparks
>co worker walks in
>stop the microwave and take the box of .22lr out
>go back to gun counter
>sell cheap fucker a SD9VE
>he's really pissed off it doesn't come with a holster and ammunition
>finds cheapest shit holster for it i think it was an uncle mikes
>how much is this
>like $30 sir
>I'M NOT PAYING $30 FOR A HOLSTER WHY DON'T YOU GIVE TO ME FOR FREE
>watch hot chick looking at reloading supplies
>imagine her naked
>i want to lick your armpits
customer filling out state form
>customer: I don't understand this question.
Question is "have you been confined to a hospital for persons with psychiatric disabilities within the pass 6 months?
Me: well have you been to a mental hospital is the past 6 months?
>customer: well it was over 6 months ago.
>me: Jesus Christ
Run background check and his is approved and get his gun.
>>i want to lick your armpits
Do you ever say strange shit just at the threshold of hearing then replace it with something else when you're asking to repeat it?
>I want to lick your armpits
>Uh, I just saw a rat. Stupid varmints.
>go to show with some friends
>venue has no can (wtf)
>find pizza joint a block away
>"bathroom is for paying customers only!!"
> he literally yelled this at us
>glance at friend with poor anger management
>dat neck vein bulge
>he musters all of his calm and lays down $2
>"I'll have a Pepsi please." And power walks towards the bathroom
>hear yelling from behind door
>"OH GOD ITS A HURRICANE"
>emerges from the can, satisfied look installed firmly in his face
>dripping from the walls
>dripping from the sink
>yellow, stanky, dripping tp rolls
>laugh so hard while pissing that I contribute to the mess
>reach the counter just in time to see him seize his cola-flavored piss trophy
>"Thanks guys! You're seriously lifesavers."
>i want to lick your armpits
Jesus Christ, OP, why don't you just get a gf who likes that nasty shit? She won't let you suck her bumhole or lick her armpits, so find a qt3.14 who can
>Jesus Christ, OP, why don't you just get a gf who likes that nasty shit? She won't let you suck her bumhole or lick her armpits, so find a qt3.14 who can
>mfw my ex wife let me do all those things.
God damn it, she might have been a cunt, but the sex was fucking unbelievable.
>customer farts loudly while we're talking to him
thanks /k now my gf is standing here wants to why I am laughing so hard
>Oh, you wanna give me shit when I ask the difference between a McDouble and a Double Cheeseburger Shaquayquay?
>Well I got something for you, you cunt bitch.....
5.11 was the highest grade for a climb they had at the time the company started. They have harder climbs now and people who can do the so they started adding letters to the end. Like 5.11c is basically spiderman level.
God damn it Boof
Why you do dis to us
>Fella comes into shop
>Looks like a CoD Kiddie incarnate
>Starts looking at the AKs
>"Hey man Can i see that SKS?"
>"The SKS, can i see it?" Talking to me like im a moron 3 year old.
"I dont have an SKS."
>"Right here!" Acting like an asshole now
Sir, Thats a WASR 10
>"No Its an SKS"
>Pull the AK off the rack.
>Turn side of Receiver towards him so he gets a Good hard look at it.
>"Oh. Well, i wanna buy it."
"Can i See your ID?"
"I need some information off of it so i can Run the Background Check and have you fill out a 4473"
"Its an ATF form required when purchasing a gun from an FFL"
>"Well i guess" Throws his ID on the counter all pissy and shit.
>Look at birthdate.
"Sir i cant sell you a gun."
>"WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT?"
"Number 1: You have to be 18 to buy this gun. You're 17. Number 2: DO NOT speak to me that way or Cuss that way at my counter."
>"Well that's bullshit!"
"I dont make the law. Do not cuss at this counter"
>"Well jesus fucking christ"
"Im gunna have to ask you to leave"
"I need a Manager to the gun counter Please. Anon (at the Front counter) Will you also please call the police"
>"FINE, ILL LEAVE!"
>As he is walking away
>"What did you Say?!!"
"Nobody will ever believe you"
He just got all Huffy and Puffy and shit and walked out.
Honestly I feel worse for the person that left that monster than I do for the person that has to clean it up.
The person cleaning it up can just hose it into the toilet and the drain. It's gross but not that big a deal.
The person that dropped it was probably in a shitload of pain
Crossed my mind.
Yes, here are a few things I say under my breath:
My girlfriend does let me do these things.
Shit yea, my shop choses to not carry Hi points and shitty brands like that.
OMFG is that real? That can't be real. Imagine how large the animal was that made that.
>first thing this morning
>guy stops me and asks about binoculars for his next hunt
>i'm standing there with my coffee and shit
>guy spends 45 minutes justifying his purchase
>my feet hurt
>relates to me how his wife will react after he buys them
>i wish i was at home posting on /k/
>explains that he's going to buy a $2,000 pair of binoculars from another store
>continues to linger and ask to see $200 binoculars from my case
>is my shift over yet?
Why would you do that
It would splatter all over the backs of your calves
>customer: yes I'm looking for a good ccw gun.
>me: sure, well a good place to start is the shield, XDS, sig 938 etc. they have to flush fit mag in them now but they come with extended mags for a better grip.
>customer: I don't like how my pinky hangs off.
And processed to not ever consider the gun or anything I said about it.
Yeah I really enjoy people rejecting my best advise, then getting frustrated that they feel they are out of options. Literally watching people wallow in their own stupidity is great.
See, this is why, if I ever get a business with a public restroom, I'm paying for contractors to tile everything, including the ceiling. The door will be a heavy iron firedoor, and it will have a latch and a rubber seal that makes the room air-tight. The floor will be sunken into the ground by a few inches with a massive metal grate in the center. Any time a fucker tries to do this shit I can just hose it down, army style.
Well...Might as well just shut down /k/
>meanwhile, the day after USAAF taco night
by standing on the seat and holding the handicrap rails. notice how there are not "U"s from the back of the shoes drawn out anywhere in that shit spatter.
I doubt it, it wasnt just a miss....
dont you know? All 'Gets' are Mod-gets.....
its kind of pathetic if you think about it.
This works until they pour a bag of flour and rice into the grate (or a small baggie of cement/plaster if they are a pro). So then you have a pool of standing poo-water in your sauna-restroom festering that'll require a trash pump or shopvac pump to tranfer it to the bowl (assuming hat isn't clogged).
>listen to customers commenting on pistols
>they love to see how their scripted, rehearsed opinions go over with the gun counter guy
>watch their stupid fucking faces while they parrot comments they've upvoted on arfcom and glockforum
>they want the real life echo chamber so bad
>imagine how badly their asses would get fucking shredded trying to post their gay shit on /k/
Thanksgiving weekend and you're giving a guy shit for farting?
Hope you aren't much of a sleepwalker.
One day when I was working I went to the bathroom to take a shit. I wear coveralls at work, so I had to pull them down obviously.
I had a half chub for some reason, didn't think anything of it. Sat down, started pissing. Heard a strange noise. Looked down, realized that because of my half chub my dick has cleared the toilet bowl and I was pissing all over my pants/coveralls/underwear.
After I finished up I removed it all and because of the way my coveralls were pulled down there was a giant piss stain all over my BACK. I had no backup coveralls, and had to wear my piss coveralls for the rest of my 12 hour shift. Of which 10 hours remained.
>work at shitty outdoor store in firearms
>be good at selling guns, bad at selling store's credit card and shit
>sell literally 25k in guns and accessories so far this month and still get yelled at about credit cards
Why must life be suffering? I love selling guns, but retail is fucking hell.
Oregon, Near Portland International actually
one other time i was in there a guy was having to buy a new case because airport wouldn't accept the one he had (dimensions or something), manged to snag a cheapo DPMS hard plastic case for free
I don't work at a gun shop, but I had an odd experience
>work at Ruth Chris near convention center
>weekend of gun show, rich fucks trickle in from the show now and then
>waiting this one dude, looks like autistic permavirgin, obviously from gun show
>orders cheapest shit on the menu
>serve him his entree (petite filet), missing a knife, tell him "hold on I'll get you a knife"
>"I don't need one"
>pulls out a giant ass Microtech OTF knife
>extends the knife, you can see his hands visibly recoil from the action of the knife
>360 and walk away
>dude doesnt tip me
You poop/piss in a plastic bag and stuff it into an airtight pvc tube. >>23778240 results in shit smeared on the cliff and often right on areas where you need to grab onto during your climb. The 60's and 70's where supposedly disgusting in some heavy climbing areas till people came up with ethical ways to dispose of waste onna-cliff.
>Working the counter
>Fat lady buys her $10 of random shit
>Decides to stick around and talk to me after, trying to be coy and flirty
>Oh gods, save me!
>I'm trapped, I have to stay at the counter because nobody else is there to man it
>I look around desperately for backup, but no luck
>Suddenly I feel a fart coming
>I'm lactose intolerant and IDGAF on Turkey day, been brewing all day
>Suddenly remember I had eggs for breakfast
>I smile and engage the fattie in conversation while my butthole is screwed up tighter than a clam with lockjaw, a small tornado if winds brewing slowly
>Wait until I can hold it no longer and silently release the cloud, wonder silently if I could learn to whisle with my anus
>Fattie hasn't smelled it yet, but I can
>Fighting back tears it's so strong
>Fattie suddenly stops mid sentence, blinks twice, then about faces and steamrolls out of there
I know the real answer is having a container inside the tent. But the thought of thousand-foot freebombing (successfully, not realistically) makes me chuckle. Fat people who can't climb chuckle.
> work at mall in shitty clothing store
> sporting store in mall, happens to sell "guns" as in fudd rifles and shotguns
> go in one day on a piss break, ask if they have .22lr
> no, agressively so
> lol ok sir
> go back next day, ask again
> same guy, no again, visible buttmad
> repeat this intermittently throughout month, sometimes twice a day, sometimes not for several
> come in one day, guy is assmad, points at me saying he's going to beat nail my ass to a cross
> apologize, ask if they sell nails
> do you have any .22lr
>apologize, ask if they sell nails
> do you have any .22lr
>be cleaning galco holster somebody left a snickers bar in
>suddenly get flashbacks from browsing /d/
>standing at gun counter
>i can feel my pubes growing back in slow motion
>am i on LSD right now?
>customer walks up
>do you have any .22lr?
>no i'm a customer i was going to ask you
Forgot my trip
>standing at counter
>no customers around
>go into women's bathroom
>pee into my own asshole
>sprayfart it back out onto toilet seat
>come back out
>do you have any .22lr
>holdon let me check in the back
>stroll into back, past the pallets of .22lr
>pick up loaded pallet of .22lr
>back forklift up 2ft
>set pallet down
>walk back out
>we're out of .22lr sorry
Fucking this man I was already laughing about that, the >> makes it even funnier
Another one from the other side of the counter.
>go into LGS that has "tactical" in its name, advertizes on Armslist as being a "tactical specialty store" and a "Class 3/NFA/SOT" store
>galco and Uncle Mikes as far as the eye can see in holster aisle, literally nothing respectable
>entire aisle of AR parts with chinese/japanese moon runes as their only labels
>go to ammo counter (which is separate from gun counter), ask about .223
>only carries Wolf
>okay, how about 6.5 Grendel?
>3, 30rd boxes of Red Army Standard 7.62x39, nothing else
>browsing their AR's (which are zip-tied to a slot-board wall not behind a counter)
>PSA for $1200, DPMS, and other gutter-tier AR's for at or over $900
>zombie guns everywhere, including the mossy500 with the ridiculous brake and chainsaw grip (in hazmat green ofc)
>no AK variants at all
>no semiauto shotguns, just cheapo pumps (their best pump gun was a vintage Win1300 someone had tacti-raped)
>..okay, how about pistol ammo?
>sure, but we only have carry ammo
>that's cool, that's what I'm after
>Magtech gold-dot knockoffs and Hornady Critical Defense only for all calibers offered (which is 9, .40, and .45 only)
>okay, you guys advertize as an SOT, what suppressors do you carry?
>oh we don't carry any, we just order them for people
>hm. okay, what's your NFA transfer charge?
>yeah fuck you guys
To keep in somewhat /k/ related
>middle of night, have to piss
>get out of rack and stumble over to the bathroom to piss
>feel strange warm feeling in front of skivvie shorts, but too tired to be bothered by it
>almost back in rack, when firewatch comes over and notices wet spot
>"Drill instructor, recruit anon wet his rack!"
"Tales from the gun counter"
Fuck... I was recently in the market for a bolt gun... I think the "salespeople" were simply warm bodies. Only one guy I spoke too was pretty cool, although not very knowledgeable. None of them expressed any confidence in their knowledge to recommend ANYTHING. I think as soon as they realized the person they're dealing with knows more than they do (which isn't all that much)... they clam up. Meh, thank god for the interwebs.
>>23778644 See >>23776150
>pick up phone
>call my front cashiers
>can you connect me to firearms
>my other line rings
>do you have any .22lr
>let me put you on hold
>a german sheppard walks in
Contrary to how terrible this thread seems, myself and everyone in my department really goes the extra mile for our customers
>>walk backwards into storage
>>locate damaged products
>>select turkey call that fell out of package
>>crack door open
>>get visual on customer
I literally cannot stop laughing.
You have no idea. I'm going to backtrace your ass and send you the bill for my side replacement surgery.
OK, a sad walmart guns tale.
I was out to buy my first gun, hoping for a Savage MKII.
>Go to Acdemy
>no .22lr rifles at all
>We do carry them Savages though, just we ain't get 'em in rat naw
>get offered a child's .410 shotty single shot in pink
>"this'n'd be cheap ta shoot."
>Go to Walmart, see somewhat full cabinet of long funs, with two MKIIs.
>Not quite enough cash
>Wait a week
>Back at Academy
>Cool as fuck black guy at the counter
>Talk about durr hunting, asking noob questions, getting decent answers
>"We're out of Savage bolt action 22s, and they go fast right now. But we *do* have (I forget the couple decent alternatives he offered, just a bit too expensive at the time)
>Head across the street to Walmart again
>Half empty gun cabinet
>One .22lr rifle
>Sporting goods guy taking money for the under-the-table 10-22 list
>Ask if he knows anything about the Savage 64 in the cabinet
>Sorry, I don't know anything about any of these. I just sell what people ask for.
>Fudd comes up
>Got'ny twuntoo raffles?
>Yeah. This guy was just asking for one
>I think he said it's a Savage or something
>Owno nuttn bout dem. They innee good?
>I speak up, "Savage is a Canadian company, gaining a lot of recognition lately. They recommend the first three rounds through the same hole, every time."
>Totally bulshitting what I don't knoe
>"Aww hay-ell! I wanna git me wunna dee-yim!"
>There's only the one
>Shit, son! I ain't gonna pull a gun out from unner someone else ...
>Buy shitty Savage
NIgga, I think you are going nuts working retail. My last boss still has scars all over his arms and face from when he fought off a guy that went nuts in the store and started hacking at people with a butcher's knife.
holy fuck man, got a chuckle out of that
>Asking yourself if .22 in stock
Fucking dammit OP, I'm in tears here.
Do you really want to start that here?
marmaduke why are you using pictures of le makeup clown
Guy in boot camp pisses on his own boxers in a half-asleep state
Firewatch (guy selected at random to stay awake and be on guard) goes full Blue Falcon and shouts out to the DI that the unfortunate fellow is a bedwetter.
I was too tired, accidentally missed the latrine and pissed my sweatpants, and the retarded firewatch thought I had pissed the bed, and woke up the drill instructor over it. All and all a pretty shitty night/day.
Dat fucking image, 10/10
Also, what do I do if I go to a gunstore where the employees are uber-fudds? Pretty much got stared out of one in Niagara literally five seconds after I left the range with the RO and Chubby McBeardFudd was working the counter on the next shift.
I've drank a bottle of wine this evening. Don't you recognize the shepherd from the previous threads though?
>standing at counter nervous as fuck
>see customer approaching
>fart out the sharpie and quickly pull up my pants
>in this post, shit that never happened
this shit is getting really funny now
>standing at counter
>some guy tells me about RIP rounds
>asks me what i think
>sage, report post
>customer walks up
>have you got any .22lr?
>you must wait 15 seconds before posting
>it was just a dream
>i'm standing at the counter
>a german shepherd walks up
Uh, well it depends what you want. If you want general advise, and they are uber-fudds like you said, perhaps look elsewhere? Otherwise, they'll probably answer specific questions and or sell you what you want to buy, if they have it.
>grew up in CA
>gunstore the next big town over from my podunk one
>just getting into /k/
>been in Big 5 shit before, never a "real" gunstore
>holy shit they have M14s
>never seen one in the flesh before
"hey can I look at that M14"
>clerk just stands there looking through gun catalog
"like, can I HOLD it?"
>"are you going to buy it?"
"not unless I can look at it"
>"no inspecting unless you're gonna buy"
>they were over 2 grand anyways
>buy motorcycle instead
>mfw nice fudd
fuck you marmaduke you rapist
>Don't drop spaghetti and use your common sense in a gun store like any other situation
Nigger I asked you for advice, not good advice
It wasn't a German Shepherd.
It was Marmaduke.
>wouldn't let you look at it unless you intended to buy
I hate gun stores like that. It's like they don't actually want to sell you that rifle, since getting to hold it could influence you towards actually buying it.
I don't know, I'm cool as shit. Strange looks don't phase me. Act like a cowboy.
Some guy has been greentexting something about a german shepherd walking into a gun store in these threads, it's pretty funny every time.
>guy asks me the difference between 380 and 9mm
>crack open some boxes and show him the cartridges
>PTSD flashbacks of that post i saw on /k/ last month, guy took pictures of his penis with .22lr round he pushed into his urethra
>minding my own business browsing gun store, lookan at demo reloadan press
>all of the sudden huge 20-something in leather jacket and patchy beard
>really up in my personal space, there's like plenty of more space like on the other side of the table
>move slowly away from him; I got bad vibes
>autist blurts "are you gonna get that? Obama is gonna ban ammunition and only reloading will be allowed (not illegal, allowed)"
>don't want to engage, check my phone and act like I gotta go all the sudden
>under his breath he, no shit, mutters "fucking normal"
>kicks the fucking table, shit's pretty light so it really makes a noise
>everyone fucking staring at us; I'm fucking melting into the wall but he is just hate-staring the table like he's the first letter in each line
how much should i offer for a used eotech 552/551?
>german shepherd walks in
>points at ruger american
>"is that a famas?"
>you can talk??
Not sure myself
If this really happened, fucking awesome.
>people ask me how many bullets the clip holds
google-fu gave me this.
That webm came from a thread on /a/ in February where anons were testing out webm.
Watch unlimited blade works. It's probably that. (I'm not going to post the "is my creed" pasta, come up with one yourself)
MOOT IS WACHIN'
/k/ IS WACHIN'
BUT MORE IMPORTANT:
MARMADUKE IS WACHIN'
MAKE NO MISTAKE:
THERE. WILL. BE. NO. MIS. POSTS.
SHITPOSTERS AROUND THIS WORLD
WOULD GIVES THEY LEFT CLICK
TO BE IN THIS THREAD
ANYBODY NOT WANNA HELP?
It was extraordinary
Get her drunk, and also step up your game i don't know
>posting on k
>.22lr walks in
>i'm a german shepherd
>>german shepherd walks in
>>points at ruger american
>>"is that a famas?"
>>you can talk??
I knew you were full of shit sense your first thread but this settles it. all of this is made up we can stop posting and let this little austistic circlejerk lies in his own damn threads while we make our own.
There is no way in hell this story is real
God this board is fucking dumb, DOGS CAN'T TALK. I never thought I'd have to enlighten anyone on 4chan of this but a German shepherd is about as capable of talking as any other type of dog.
My dog talks all the time.
Weird coincidence is that its only on days I forget my meds.
Real talk guys, I might fail out of college this semester, what's your advice for getting hired to work in a gun store? I don't have any drug or criminal history, religious about the 4 rules, I'm told I'm really good with people.
But I've never worked retail before.
Is it an impossible dream?
Try getting hired at a big box store like Cabellas or something. Tell them you don't know much but you want to learn and you will work hard. Probably get hired. Also, lie about retail experience.
Careful what you wish for.
Marmaduke might post again.
>lie about retail experience
That shit's way too easy to verify isn't it?
I mean come on.
You gotta have contacts in any decent resume, and if it's a bad number that's gonna be a big red flag.
You're kidding right? >>23779689 this
So you're telling me the best way to get hired to a retail position is lie to your employer's face about what would seem to be the most important aspect of you that they would be concerned with? And that they won't bother to make the effort to literally just pick up the phone and call a store to check?
What the fuck man.
Exactly fucking this. How can you not know this already?
>i have no retail experience
I wonder why.
Also, retail is the worst shit on earth. I do it to supplement my income and to get a discount firearms / ammo etc. Learn a craft.
I get them basically at cost, which is often half the price you see on the sticker. We don't sell used firearms. This will of course vary depending on what store you work at.. I work at a big retail chain.
Back when I was a poor college student, I got a job in computer repair at a chain retail store.
> Prior experience:
> "Worked one year at (someplace I don't even remember)"
> Prior employer phone:
> Literally just made up a number on the spot.
Hired. Worked there for a year. Quit because management had their heads up each others asses. Got a real job paying twice as much with one third the bullshit. Full kek.
Yhea I figured as much.
I'd try to get into a machine-shop class or something. Do you have any recommendations? I know my way around a basic drill press/chopsaw/welding machine shop, and I like that allright.
I don't have a recommendation. I do computer programming and fantasize about joining the army.
>I bet it was that place just after concord on 3a
Oh shit. Lewis Arms?
Fat guy behind the counter judges the SHIT out of you every moment you spend in that store. It's awful.
Shooter's Outpost is better. They have a minigun.
You get discounts on everything but rimfire and new guns. You get a discount on used guns if they've been sitting on the rack/shelf for at least 6 months, the store manager has to say it's okay, AND corporate has to give the okay as well.
It is, however, not a bad job to work, and you learn paperwork quickly. Commission is 1% on new guns, 2% on used and ammo/accessories, if I remember correctly.
They are assholes to their employees, as I have said. I didn't know there was commission when I applied, so it was just an added bonus. Gander has fucking overpriced guns, too, so I know their profit margins could afford it.
At my school kids would put kechup packs under the lid of the toilet, so when you sat down...ketchup explosion.
I was told it was a sergal whatever the fuck a sergal is. As for furfagery...pic
Holy fuck just googled synx. God I thought sergals were sick, but that fucking thing! Worst part is I find it sexy but want it dead.
I hate furries so much right now. They preach how there cute but really their jerken it to sapients being eaten alive! HOW THE FUCK IS YOUR BRAIN SO FUCKED. That you cum to vore? HOW IS VORE EVEN A THING?
Fun thing that happened last week.
> be hanging out at the lgs my buddy is manager of.
> slow morning, guy that runs the ammo counter/area running late.
> buddy watching that area and general other managers shit.
> "anon you mind watching the ammo counter while I deal with an interview"
uhhh lol Kay.
> "oh and don't sell that fucker in the carhart jacket any .22lr he's they guy i told you about"
> guy is the biggest hoarder/boosterin the area, will come into the at least twice a day to get different clerks to sell him ammo. Will send his wife in to do the same. Will try to offer you $5 bucks to sell him more than customer limit.
>guy tries to sell the ammo in "bulk" on armslist for 2-3x the price. Has at least 15k rounds of .22lr
>assume control of many bullet
>no less then 30 seconds late guy walks up
> tries to be Uber friendly "well howdy there partner, never seen you here before, you new"
I wouldn't worry about it.
>"...Well anyhoo, you have any. 22lr? "
>stands there for about 20 seconds waiting for me to say something else
>"how many boxes so you have?"
6 boxes of [bullshit] tula .22 magnum
>"Oh no buddy, .22 elllh errrraaah, not magnum"
My bad, 4 Remington golden value pack, and some about 10 cci packs.
>"fantastic, I'll take 2 of the Golden value and 4 ccis, no tell ya what I'll take all the golden"
> store limit on the 500rnd boxes is one a day,don't remember the small box limit
> you just activated my tap card.
Man that's alot of ammo, you going deer hunting?
>"naw, got a uhhh new (insert cheap .22 ar) with a sub-moa barrel"
>explains to me about how he's so happy that most gun stores stopped limiting the sale of .22lr
Yea, it's nice, it might stop that one asshat on armslist that has that tries to sell or for double the price. I hate him.
>guys face goes a bit pale but wants to check out.
>lol i don't even know what I'm doing.
>pretend to ring it all up, give inflated price.
>doesn't really notice that I'm making a jab at him and hands me his card.
I need to see a valid ID that matches the cardholder's.
>practically chucks it at me.
>take a good woke comparing the cards, then pick up a random paper next to register, look at card and back to paper.
>hand him back his cards.
>I grab the ammo off the counterand start to our it back on the self.
>he gives me this wtf you doing face.
Sorry, we're not allowed to sell to hoarders.
> "man, ima regular here and i told you about that new ahhheee eeerrrhhi got"
You are on the do not sell list, says it on all caps.
>"you're lying, you just want the ammo yourself"
Na. Want me to call the manager?
>"No, but you are losing me as a customer, i want you to know that. "
Don't you need to bump your armslist ad?
>guy, realizes the elaborate ruse i have given him, red in the face he storms off.
> he sends his wife in, "do you have any .22lr?" Trying to be flirty.
Just sold it all.
>"Oh, never mind. "
> 3 of the 5 employees there,just grinning and about to lose sides.
>Buddy comes back to us all havin a srs giggle m8s.
> underling tells him my tale. Sides have left orbit.
> get to shoot the S&W .460, shit was cash.
Am I terrible person?
You should have made his wife cry but other than that good job.
Shoulda done it but, i have the the strangest feeling she fell down the stairs when she for home.