Tales from the gun counter #6: Black Friday Edition

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>helping guy at counter
>asks if we still have a 5.7
>it sold but is on order
>"when that thing hit the streets it was a battle for us"
>um
>"it goes right through body armor"
>well
>"it was standard issue back in the 80's for all of us FBI agents"
>sir
>"when i was in the FBI we would sneak them into the country because they don't show up in metal detectors"
>SIR

>radio crackles to life
>do we carry monkey food?
>my fucking sides

bamping

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bampiting with emily again for the sake of nostalgia

>>23776189
>monkey food

Did you direct him to the produce section?

>>23776189
>>do we carry monkey food?
"no we dont have any colt 45"

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>fat as fuck black woman comes in
>completely bald
>looks sorta like that rapist whats his name again oh yeah bill cosby
>"DO YOU HAVE A .38 REVOLVERS"
>yes here
>"OHHH BOY LET ME TELL YOU"
>ma'am
>"I HAVE AN S&W 380"
>ok
>"OHHHH YOU GUNNA GET ME IN TROUBLE"
>ma'am
>she's trying to get attention and its working
>other customers are staring at her because she's fat, loud and gross
>9/10 hot country (white) wifey looking at her like she's about to bust up laughing
>"I MIGHT HAVE TO BUY THIS RIGHT NOW"
>ok
>"LET ME THINK ABOUT IT"
>ok
>"WHOOO LORDY YOU GONNA GET ME IN TROUBLE"
>ma'am
>she leaves
>whip out $700 leopold binoculars
>watch her exit main door
>focus binoculars on her eating @ our free BBQ demo outside

>>23776221
I let somebody else take that one, was too busy laughing hard.

>radio check
>wait for somebody to copy
>hold down button for 30 seconds
>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>wait a second, poised
>"watch your radios plea-"
>hold down button again

>>23776150
>>511 is also how much he weighs

kek #1

>>23776150
>5.11
Not sure what point this company went downhill so far and began catering to tacticalfags.
I remember back in the '90s they were always sold in outdoors stores with the rest of the climbing equipment (hence the name). Only people I ever saw wearing 5.11 were granola eaters/REI shoppers. Then some time around mid or late 2000 something it's like BOOM! Cops and tacticalfags everywhere.

>>23776211
I hate how it looks like a dog, that fucking dumb bitch probably thinks she's a great artist too.

>>23776230
At least she ate the BBQ after fingerfucking the wheelguns

>>23776265
>to be fair, probably ate it before too

>running a number system because four behind the counter and 60 in front of it
>buddys kid (22 years old) is working the counter to help me out
>he knows more about guns than 99% of the people I know
>he calls next number
>guy looks up, sees him
>guy says "I don't want to buy a gun from some idiot kid."
>Kid looks at him and says "I don't want to sell a gun to a rude asshat."


Guy flipped his shit, demanded to speak to the guy in charge. I step over and high five the kid in front of him.

>>23776150
>black friday
>200 boxes of .22 available limit 2 per customer
>first 100 people in line get coupon for said .22 to be fair to the people who camped out all night
>guy comes in 1 hours after opening
>got any of that .22lr left?
>we can only sell the remaining boxes after all 100 coupons are redeemed, we need to be fair to the customers that waited in line and are still filling out forms for firearms.
>guy freaks out and starts yelling about how he was in line just like everyone else
>where in line were you sir? i handed out all the coupons personally.
>he points behind him
>tfw he's talking about the checkout line

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>>radio check
>>wait for somebody to copy
>>hold down button for 30 seconds
>>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>>wait a second, poised
>>"watch your radios plea-"
>>hold down button again

>>23776278
C-can I work for you?

>>23776311
I second that

Pls

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>>23776244
Yeah

>guy helping wifey pick out a pistol
>can we see this sig p380
>sure
>hands it to wife
>she's waving it around at my head
>honey don't point guns at people
>"why not??"
>just don't..
>"it's not loaded!"
>you didn't check..
>"IT'S NOT LOADED!"
>repeat 3x with several other pistols

later

>have you got any .22lr
>just one moment
>i stand there, looking him in the eye, not blinking
>he nervously looks down at his phone
>back up
>that's right, i'm still here - gazing into your soul
>he seems uncomfortable
>starts to ask me "i'm sorry what-"
>sorry we're sold out

>>23776278
Pwnd

>>23776282
Holy shit wow

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>watch guy hurt his thumb trying to release slide on 1911
>actually looks upset from the pain

later

>customer farts loudly while we're talking to him

later

>guy explains to me why his uncle likes .40

later

>different customer explains to me why he enjoyed shooting his friend's .40

earlier

>you don't have any .22lr do you?
>no

later

>dude comes in with hot gf
>she's carrying a g26 in neato small of the back holster where the thing is upside down
>tell her "nice holster"
>looks at me like i just asked for her phone number

>go lgs
>shit into ammo can
>sir can i help you
>just looking

Oh man, so this happened yesterday.

Little old man comes into my place to pick up a custom glock frame. I go and grab it and he tells me about how he loves shooting, but due to his arthritis he can only use a HEAVILY modified glock. He goes on saying how the only gun he had that he can actually shoot anymore was stolen when someone broke into his place. It was a .357sig glock with about 2000$ worth of modifications done by his friend who was a gunsmith. Now, he's trying to rebuild the gun that was stolen.

I had him the 4473 and he spent about an hour on it. He was on his way to a hotel from the airport and he had a throbbing headache. I run the check and he gets a delay, not uncommon with the sheer mass of guns being sold that day.

The guy almost broke down in tears. I go on to say there's nothing I can do for him and that it's out of my power. I tell him I'll call him when I get a response.

Turns out he lives in Nebraska. He flew up here JUST to pick this frame up and he's leaving in two days. The whole trip here was for nothing. So naturally I ask why he had it shipped here and not to him.

Turns out his "gunsmith friend" is on his deathbed and isn't expected to last more than a week or so. They where childhood friends. He planned on visiting him a final time with the frame and parts so his friend could talk him through putting it together.

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>Sitting behind pistol cases.
>See customer huddled over boxes of ammo.
>What the fuck is he doing?
>Casually stand up and stroll down the counter to look into the other ammo aisles.
>Empty boxes everywhere.
>This mother fucker is stealing ammo.
>Jump the pistol cases and almost fall on my face.
>Catch myself and tap his shoulder.
>Fucker has a box of 9mm trying to dump it into his hoodie pocket.
>looks like he's a spider carrying her young.
>Fucking pocket is lumpy as shit and sagging with the sheer volume of rounds he stashed.
>He tries to run.
>Grab his arm and he falls down,
>Bullets fucking explode everywhere onto the shop floor.
>Watch him scramble to his feet and scurry out the door like a spooked Raccoon.
>I had to clean up all the bullets.

>>23776500
Couldn't you have brought up felony charges for that shit?

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>customer explains to me why .40 is a pretty good round

later

>watch co-worker go into bathroom
>radio him asking his location

later

>guy explains to me why he prefers .45

today

>standing at counter
>eyes glazed over
>realize my life is pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things
>go back to stacking boxes of clay disks

>>23776497
Well jesus fuckin' christ

later

>son shopping with dad for fist carry gun
>show him a few guns
>settles on colt defender
>freedom intensifies

>>23776500
Dude

>>23776529
I tried to hold him but when he fell I was almost off my ass laughing at him.

Just looked like some tweaker.

Cops never found him.

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NEED MOAR!

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>>23776230
>be OP's coworker
>browse 4chan irregularly
>annoyed after some chucklefuck dicking around with the radios at work
>stumble drunkenly into /k/
>mfw this thread
>firearms is going to have a bodily fluids cleanup tomorrow

Stay frosty OP, you're putting your ass on the line to bring us these stories.

>>23776497
I'm sad now.

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>>23776497

>>23776244
Tacticool people are easy to exploit because a decent number of them want to be like the guys in Cow of Pudding.

>>23776408
Why does his uncle like .40?

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>>23776497
Wow that's

Wow

I've got one from the other side of the counter.
>go inna Cabelas
>up to counter
>old, fat guy wearing skinnyjeans, a pink polo and a gay-assed christmas vest (in September) working the counter
>ask to see Browning X-bolt
>hands me a R700
>no, X-bolt please
>hands me a Savage 10
>NO, a FUCKING BROWNING X-bolt. IT"S RIGHT THERE
>hands me an A-bolt 2
>well at least you got the right fucking manufacturer this time...
>20 minutes and 7 rifles later finally hands me the proper gun after me counting the guns in the row to get to the right one for him
>It's in fucking .243WSSM
>ask if they have any other calibers
>hands me an R700
>fuck this I quit
>leave

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>>23776583
>mfw
>pic related

continued

>customer walks up
>do you have any .22lr
>let me check in the back
>ok
>walk backwards into storage
>locate damaged products
>select turkey call that fell out of package
>crack door open
>get visual on customer
>turkycall.exe

later

>watch dad wrap arms around really hot 18y/o daughter
>trying to fit her for a shotgun
>gonna post this on /k/ later

later

>be farting into zip-up rifle case
>manager walks by and looks at me

later

>watch 50% of my customers use t-cup hold on pistols

>>23776150
>>harasses our customers

Please elaborate. How was he harassing?

>>23776333
>Wife demonstrates no ability or willingness to control firearms
>Refuses to learn or understand a basic tenant of safety
>Arguing with someone more knowledgeable about them than she is

Why are you buying her a gun she sounds like a dumb bitch

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>>23776666
>t-cup
tea

>>23776666
>turkeycall.exe

Holy shit quads and you ruined my sides, thanks OP

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>>23776666
Nice quads
also
>went to highschool with girl in your pic (lena)
>mfw I was so close to fucking lena

>>23776497
fuck him. should have done it back home.

planning is not this guys strength.

>>23776673

I'm guessing he was trying to get them to buy 5.11 shit.

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>>23776497
I'm very sad now

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>be me and shit like that
>go to LGS
>dudes are bros
>chat it up with them
>do some shooting
>talk some more look at random shit and ask prices
>never buy shit, not even ammo because the prices are insane

>>23776244

Wait, that stuff used to be for the climbing crowd? Oh well, at least yoga pants never got old with female climbers.

>>23776333
>starts to ask me "i'm sorry what-"
>sorry we're sold out

that was funny as fuck.

>>23776686
Not his wifey, fagdumb.

>>23776244
>5.11
Robbins sold a 51% stake in his company to Dan Costa in 1999,[5] who, after a lot of streamlining, noticed that the 5.11 Tactical pants were becoming popular at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia.[1]
Wikipedia has your answer. Costa is that answer.

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>>23776706
Oh Jesus fuck I though that was the picture of the dog with all of the ticks stuck to its face fuck fuck you

>>23776720
Happens to me too man...All to much the same...

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>>23776788
You need to calm down, man.

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>>23776645
I spaced out. For some reason, anyone who comes to the counter and mentions .40 feels the need to justify the caliber.

>>23776662
Fuck

>>23776673
He wasn't actually harassing them, he was just educating them about 5.11 products.

>>23776686
Because he wants to realize his dream of having 3.5/10 wifu who shoots 14" groups at 10ft at any cost

>>23776706
Neat

continued

>laying on back spread eagle in bathroom
>pants around ankles
>spreading ballsack skin out like wings
>radio asks my position

later

>guy walks up
>interested in buying stuff
>takes his time carefully
>answer lots of questions for him
>compare different options
>finds something he's interested in
>turns out he lives in CA
>this is going to complicate things sir
>dat look of sadness

I hate to ask the newfag question, but what is the radio check you do? do you just say it into the radio for no reason to piss everyone off?

>>23776838

Imagine your hat bumping into that while your in a treestand.

>>23776849
copy

>>23776497
Y-you helped him out right? no one would know if the paper work is a bit wonkey...

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>>23776871
At least I still have my trusty supply of Oreos.

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>>23776904

>>23776904
it's like Jurassic Park.

>>23776904
backstory to this

>guy is eating oreos
>see's spider
>squishes it with oreo
>context lost

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>>23776916
Fuck, I know I have more of these, but I haven't organized them into a coherent folder.

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>>23776941

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

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>>23776941
JUST STOP

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>>23776849
roger that

>>23776904
Is that a crab

earlier

>customer explains to me his corporate / government conspiracy theory on .22lr

later

>customer explains why shooting his friend's .40 "wasn't really that bad"

later

>stop to help cute co-worker girl stock shelves
>she fine
>make lame jokes
>she laughs easy
>smells like shampoo
>pretend i forgot her name again

back at the gun counter

>showing guy FN 45
>dude's hands are shaking
>can see his heartbeat in neck
>neat
>drops magazine on floor
>hits his foot as he tries to catch it
>it goes sliding across the floor
>he goes running after it with FN 45 at high aready
>ask him if i've seem him at our local three guns competition

>go 2 LGS
>droppin' ploppin's into ammo can
>sir can I help you
>eye contact
>ammo dump
>we leave

>>23776662
>> it's in .243 WSSM

I don't know why, but I laughed my ass off at this.

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>>23777044

>>23776871
I'd freak out at first then realize they're only daddy longlegs and continue to not give a shit.

Although I wouldn't be in a treestand because I track-hunt

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>>23777017
I HAVE TO NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE REST OF MY INSECT RELATED .GIFs

>>23777117
ANON PLS

>>23777117
Search your computer for *.gif, post results without previewing

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>>23777145
NOW I HAVE TO DO OCD-BAIT PICTURES AND IT ISN'T AS GOOD

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>>23777117
I have a few of these, though they're not as good as yours.

BAMP THE THREAD TIEM

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>>23777149
Not him but I took your advice, am satisfied.

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>>23777173
Haha what?

>>23776849
Roger

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>>23777117
Ok.

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>>23777149
That first spider .gif I posted was actually the result I got.

>>23777170
dude is that... what the fuck...

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>>23777149
why not

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>>23777192
Now these I actually have a near unlimited supply of.

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>>23777170
>not cooking your hotdogs

>>23776230
>>radio check
>>wait for somebody to copy
>>hold down button for 30 seconds
>>creates horrible distortion feedback on everyone's radios
>>wait a second, poised
>>"watch your radios plea-"
>>hold down button again
I worked at Toys R Us for 6 months during high school. I did that shit all the time.

>>23777174
Can she turn around again for me?
Yes, yes she can.

>>23777207
>>23777190
>>23777117
dude.....

>>23776673
Trying to eat them?

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>>23777149
can I play

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>>23777223
I could go on like this for a considerable amount of time.

I should probably stop and talk about gun shops now though.

>>23777237
Sir!

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>visit lgs
>usual bs with bros there
>state cop car in parkinglot
>go in expecting entertainment
>state cop buyin a lower
>k9 cop
>brought dog
>neckbeards in a circle not near counter
>ask to pet dog
>sure!
>pets dog
>notices PMR-30 in case for $389 first evar
>ask to see
>neckbeard army all start convulsing
>first they got in
>buy
>bs with cop
>shove through neckbeards
>gotta petta doggy and get a PMR

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>>23777149

k

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Another non-LGS post.

This literally happened in the store I managed. Afterwards, the guy tried to sell the buyer whatever product he had invented.

It was so bad, he had to throw his shoes away.

this happened a while back

>>get off work
>>got paid that day too
>>ride isn't picking me up since he's pissed off
>>i'm pissed off now
>>walk over to sports othorahtay
>>wander to the back and stare at the guns
>>five minutes of gazing upon all the shotguns and carbines and hunting rifles
>>older guy employee comes over and sees my glazed over eyes
>>"Can i help ya fine anything to day?"
>>snap back "oh uh yeah, can i see that uh ruger 10/22"
>>he hands it to me and starts chewing the fat about his friend having one in '63
>>decide to buy it
>>some dudebros come by with armfuls of 12 gauge boxes and asks for .22
>>guy behind the counter says he hasn't had any for months
>>background check takes about an hour to sort out because forgot social security #
>>guy mentions scars on my thumbs and what i do for work
>>explain it's just dead skin
>>talk about scars and how multiple people have tried to kill him at one time or another
>>slightly concerning
>>finish up and pay half cash and card
>>remember i have to take public transit
>>at least three employees grimace at the mention
>>decide to wrap ruger box in hoodie
>>waiting for train as asian family stares me down
>>stare back at them
>>get on train
>>now i'm sitting next to a box wearing a hoodie with the eagle in plain sight
>>no one cared
>>hop onto bus
>>bus driver didn't even take a second look
>>get home with no issues

guy who sold me the ruger was pretty cool, will do free install if i buy a scope or red dot from same store

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>>23776150
>yfw every single one of those 9mm in that box combined aren't as strong as a .45

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>>23777182
There are plenty more. It's apparently someone's etsy stuff

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This thread is going places.

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These fucks are cute

>>23777256
How can you tell who fucked up the bathroom?

There was a guy at my old high school who would take the entire roll of toilet paper and just shove it down the toilet. He never got caught, although he told me about it later.

>customer: Can I see that Glock 23?
>me: sure (hand Glock to customer)
>customer: oh I dont like the way that feels in my hand. Can I see the Glock 19?
>me: sure but it is the same size and shape as the 23 ( hand Glock 19 to customer)
>customer: yeah that feels way better!

>>23777276
I would shit inside the toilet paper rolls, and the metal toilet paper holders

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Other side of the counter story.
>Live in New Hampshire
>Fudds, Free Staters, and Babyboomers from Massachusets who don't want to pay taxes as far as the eye can see
>Go to local funstore to help local business
>Look around for 30 minutes
>ATI AR .223 upper, no BCG, $450
>Wood Stock (basic) 10/22 $250
Finally see .22lr
> 50 rnd Boxes, $5 a box, buy 4 get one free
> 8 cents a round isn't terrible
>No Limit
>Pick up ten boxes (there's a whole goddamn pile of 'em easily 3 cases worth), leave plenty there
> Walk up to counter
>"WHADDA THINK YOU'RE DOING, SON?"
>Fatfuck owner pops out from backroom
>"YOU CAN'T BUY ALL THAT, THERE'S A LIMIT!"
whyareyoushoutingatme.png
>"Sorry, didn't see the sign, what's the limit?"
>"WHAT'D YOU SAY?!"
>Realize this fatfuck is deaf at 40.
>"SORRY, DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A LIMIT! WHAT IS IT?"
>"LIMIT MEANS YOU CAN ONLY BUY SO MUCH!"
laughingsluts.jpg in my head as we are now both yelling at each other in a shop the size of a large closet.
>"HOW MANY CAN I BUY?!"
>"ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER PER DAY!"
Only other clerk, 20 something guy helping with a gun sale, starts laughing.
>" HOW CAN I BUY 4, GET ONE FREE THEN?!"
>"NO, YOU CAN'T BUY 4, ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER PER DAY!"
>Point at sign in front of .22lr pile
>"I CAN'T READ THAT ALL THE WAY OVER THERE! BRING IT OVER HERE!"
Now I'm invested in this.
>I bring the sheet over.
>"WHO WROTE THIS?! DID YOU TYPE THIS?!"
Motherfucker I just walked into your store. You saw me pull it off the shelf where it was stapled on.
>Other Cashier pauses his sale, comes over.
>Sheet has signature, signed illegibly, in corner.
>"DAD, YOU SIGNED THIS, YOU MUST HAVE TYPED IT UP!"
>"FINE! SELL HIM THE DAMN .22!"
>Cashier checks out my order.
>"Sorry 'bout that."
>"No problem man, good luck on the sale."
>He smiles sheepishly.
>"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SOLD HIM ALL THAT AMMO!"
pic related, MFW

>>23777297
One guy nearby took a shit in a paper towel and put it in the hand soap dispenser, then unscrewed the lightbulb so nobody could see it.

He got caught because he was in class right next to the bathroom and when he heard the "OH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS" he fell out of his chair laughing. I heard he got expelled.

>>23777297
want to know how to piss off a janitor?
wipe with the toilet paper roll and jam it into the toilet

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>>23777282
I love when shit like this happens. What I really enjoy is when I hand them the first pistol they dismissed initially, after trying many others and they declare that this it is the best one so far.

>>23777297
What the fuck

>>23777319
Hah

>>23777276
>How can you tell who fucked up the bathroom?
He fucking owned up to it. He had shit all over the room, the walls, the floor, his own shoes (which he put into the trash), came out with shit on the hems of his pants, said he was sorry, asked for flip flops (which we don't carry), said he was sorry, asked to see the manager, said he was sorry.

We thought he was going to apologize more, but he picked up his case, probably with shit on the bottom, and pulled out whatever product he was trying to sell. Said he was sorry for shitting all over the bathroom, demonstrated the item, talked with the buyer (I can't say he shot the shit because that was already done).

All the while our most spergerific employee was in the bathroom with a mop, a bucket full or water, two brand new bottles of bleach spray, a ten-pack of gloves, and dust masks.

It stank for days. Literally for days.

It's rare a week goes by without some kid doing a bladder dump inside the Little Tikes playhouse or leaving a trail as turds drop from the back of their britches. But this really took the cake.

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>>23777328
>>23777297
>>23777276
>mfw

Hwat the hell is wrong with y'all? Bathrooms are meant to be a safe space for a man to do his business and here you are ruining it.

Hey OP what was the most expensive firearm you sold?

>>23777356
The first time I got a boner, it threw off my aim and I pissed all over my aunts bathroom.

I tried to explain but I was like 7.

>>23777358
10/10 I lol'd

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>>23776497
> yfw he was actually an atf agent
> yfw you just saved your ffl by being a cold hearted bastard

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>>23777358

Pure things are meant to be corrupted.

>customer: Do you have a Ruger J-frame in .380?

>>23777376
Sure. But you didn't shit cannon the entire bathroom in your 30s.

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>>23777276

>mfw you reminded me that they had to start quartering the oranges in the school lunches after shitheads wouldn't stop flushing them down the toilets

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>>23777149
>captcha 545

>>23777434
There was one guy in middle school who just took a dump on a paper towel and threw it at the bathroom ceiling repeatedly until it stuck. Everyone avoided that bathroom for weeks afterwards until the janitors finally found out about it.

Needless to say, he was a very special individual.

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>>23777363
Uh nothing really crazy maybe $1,500 or so. I haven't been on the job very long and our most expensive piece is maybe $2,500.

this morning

>watching the blue sparks
>co worker walks in
>get nervous
>stop the microwave and take the box of .22lr out
>go back to gun counter

later

>sell cheap fucker a SD9VE
>he's really pissed off it doesn't come with a holster and ammunition
>finds cheapest shit holster for it i think it was an uncle mikes
>how much is this
>like $30 sir
>I'M NOT PAYING $30 FOR A HOLSTER WHY DON'T YOU GIVE TO ME FOR FREE

later

>watch hot chick looking at reloading supplies
>imagine her naked
>i want to lick your armpits

>>23777498
>hot chick
>looking at reloading supplies

did you propose?

>>23776706
You almost fucked Laina?

customer filling out state form
>customer: I don't understand this question.
Question is "have you been confined to a hospital for persons with psychiatric disabilities within the pass 6 months?
Me: well have you been to a mental hospital is the past 6 months?
>customer: well it was over 6 months ago.
>me: Jesus Christ
Run background check and his is approved and get his gun.

>>23777498
>>i want to lick your armpits
Do you ever say strange shit just at the threshold of hearing then replace it with something else when you're asking to repeat it?

>I want to lick your armpits
What?
>Uh, I just saw a rat. Stupid varmints.

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>>23777402

>>23776583
>implying this doesn't happen in every big box gun store ever

>>23777358
>go to show with some friends
>venue has no can (wtf)
>find pizza joint a block away
>"bathroom is for paying customers only!!"
> he literally yelled this at us
>glance at friend with poor anger management
>dat neck vein bulge
>he musters all of his calm and lays down $2
>"I'll have a Pepsi please." And power walks towards the bathroom
>slowly follow
>hear yelling from behind door
>"OH GOD ITS A HURRICANE"
>emerges from the can, satisfied look installed firmly in his face
>enter bathroom
> piss
>piss everywhere
>dripping from the walls
>dripping from the sink
>yellow, stanky, dripping tp rolls
>laugh so hard while pissing that I contribute to the mess
>reach the counter just in time to see him seize his cola-flavored piss trophy
>"Thanks guys! You're seriously lifesavers."

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>>23776497
Holy shit that hurt to read.

>>23777498
>i want to lick your armpits

Jesus Christ, OP, why don't you just get a gf who likes that nasty shit? She won't let you suck her bumhole or lick her armpits, so find a qt3.14 who can

Showing customer Hi points
>customer: yeah I'll take three for them.

And this happens all the time.
I sold a customer two hi point and a H&R partner pump for less then the price of a Glock

>>23777613
>Jesus Christ, OP, why don't you just get a gf who likes that nasty shit? She won't let you suck her bumhole or lick her armpits, so find a qt3.14 who can
>mfw my ex wife let me do all those things.
God damn it, she might have been a cunt, but the sex was fucking unbelievable.

>>23777149
chances are that would get me banned, sorry. you all would rage as well

>>23776278
I luv u boof

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>>23776408
>customer farts loudly while we're talking to him

thanks /k now my gf is standing here wants to why I am laughing so hard

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>>23777256
>Oh, you wanna give me shit when I ask the difference between a McDouble and a Double Cheeseburger Shaquayquay?
>Well I got something for you, you cunt bitch.....

>>23776150
oh great this motherfucker again OP plz leave your threads are shit

>>23776211
More plox

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>>23777187

>>23777640
>you all would rage as well

Guro?

>>23777657
You make me want a hose connection and drain in our restrooms.

>>23777237
plz dont

alternatively, upload your folder somewhere and send me the link.

>>23777657
a mcdouble has one cheese and the double cheeseburger has two cheeses.

>>23777531
Don't judge a book by its cover, Anon. It's not hard to get forcefully dumped in a Crazy House without any actual reasoning.

>>23777671
No

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>>23777613
>Licking armpits
>Nasty shit

homo

>>23776768
5.11 was the highest grade for a climb they had at the time the company started. They have harder climbs now and people who can do the so they started adding letters to the end. Like 5.11c is basically spiderman level.

>>23776497
God damn it Boof

Why you do dis to us


Also:
>Fella comes into shop
>Looks like a CoD Kiddie incarnate
>Starts looking at the AKs
>"Hey man Can i see that SKS?"
"Huh?"
>"The SKS, can i see it?" Talking to me like im a moron 3 year old.
"I dont have an SKS."
>"Right here!" Acting like an asshole now
Sir, Thats a WASR 10
>"No Its an SKS"
*Whatever dipshit.*
>Pull the AK off the rack.
>Check clear
>Turn side of Receiver towards him so he gets a Good hard look at it.
>"Oh. Well, i wanna buy it."
"Can i See your ID?"
>"Why?"
"I need some information off of it so i can Run the Background Check and have you fill out a 4473"
>"Whats that?"
"Its an ATF form required when purchasing a gun from an FFL"
>"Well i guess" Throws his ID on the counter all pissy and shit.
>Look at birthdate.
"Sir i cant sell you a gun."
>"WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT?"
"Number 1: You have to be 18 to buy this gun. You're 17. Number 2: DO NOT speak to me that way or Cuss that way at my counter."
>"Well that's bullshit!"
"I dont make the law. Do not cuss at this counter"
>"Well jesus fucking christ"
"Im gunna have to ask you to leave"
>"No"
"I need a Manager to the gun counter Please. Anon (at the Front counter) Will you also please call the police"
>"FINE, ILL LEAVE!"
>As he is walking away
"Bitch"
>"What did you Say?!!"
"Nobody will ever believe you"

He just got all Huffy and Puffy and shit and walked out.

>>23777657

how do people pull this off intentionally without soiling their clothes?

>>23776606
longest goddamn'd gif i've ever fucking seen.

>>23777657
Honestly I feel worse for the person that left that monster than I do for the person that has to clean it up.

The person cleaning it up can just hose it into the toilet and the drain. It's gross but not that big a deal.

The person that dropped it was probably in a shitload of pain

>>23777347
>all that supercheap German plastic tipped training ammo.
FUCK THAT STORE AND FUCK ITS OWNERS.

FUCKKKKKKKK

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>>23777513
Crossed my mind.

>>23777541
Yes, here are a few things I say under my breath:
'merica
grapeseed oil
groin
salad
smegma

>>23777613
My girlfriend does let me do these things.

>>23777616
Shit yea, my shop choses to not carry Hi points and shitty brands like that.

>>23777649
Neat

>>23777657
OMFG is that real? That can't be real. Imagine how large the animal was that made that.

>>23777660
No u.

continued

>first thing this morning
>walk in
>guy stops me and asks about binoculars for his next hunt
>i'm standing there with my coffee and shit
>guy spends 45 minutes justifying his purchase
>my feet hurt
>relates to me how his wife will react after he buys them
>i wish i was at home posting on /k/
>explains that he's going to buy a $2,000 pair of binoculars from another store
>ok great
>continues to linger and ask to see $200 binoculars from my case
>is my shift over yet?

>>23777706
This

>>23777347
i suddenly have a boner...

>>23777714
I wonder what kind of ak my lgs had out today. It was a century but I didn't ask to see it or anything.

>>23777716
Take clothes off, move them to minimum safe distance, defecate.

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>>23777657

Why would you do that

It would splatter all over the backs of your calves

>>23776777
To be fair, 5.11 does make fantastic pants.

>customer: yes I'm looking for a good ccw gun.
>me: sure, well a good place to start is the shield, XDS, sig 938 etc. they have to flush fit mag in them now but they come with extended mags for a better grip.
>customer: I don't like how my pinky hangs off.
And processed to not ever consider the gun or anything I said about it.

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>>23777187
>But why

>>23777716
refer to
>>23777256
for a demonstration

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>>23777777
SEPTS GET

Yeah I really enjoy people rejecting my best advise, then getting frustrated that they feel they are out of options. Literally watching people wallow in their own stupidity is great.

>>23777657
reminds me of dresden

>>23777657
>>23777402
>>23777256
See, this is why, if I ever get a business with a public restroom, I'm paying for contractors to tile everything, including the ceiling. The door will be a heavy iron firedoor, and it will have a latch and a rubber seal that makes the room air-tight. The floor will be sunken into the ground by a few inches with a massive metal grate in the center. Any time a fucker tries to do this shit I can just hose it down, army style.

>>23777702
This guy was pretty out there though

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>>23777777
Well...Might as well just shut down /k/

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>>23777821
>meanwhile, the day after USAAF taco night

>>23776941
NONONONONONOONONONONO

>>23777716
by standing on the seat and holding the handicrap rails. notice how there are not "U"s from the back of the shoes drawn out anywhere in that shit spatter.

>>23777739
I doubt it, it wasnt just a miss....
see above.

>>23777865
dont you know? All 'Gets' are Mod-gets.....

its kind of pathetic if you think about it.

>>23777889
I can assure you this is not a mod get

>>23777843

This works until they pour a bag of flour and rice into the grate (or a small baggie of cement/plaster if they are a pro). So then you have a pool of standing poo-water in your sauna-restroom festering that'll require a trash pump or shopvac pump to tranfer it to the bowl (assuming hat isn't clogged).

>>23777420
jesus

>>23777865
I think I need to get my eyes checked
>THE BRICK WALL OF REPTILES

>>23777908
Why would someone do that? go out of their way to cause problems for someone who never did anything to them

>>23777709
>5.11c
>spiderman

Nigga try 5.13b
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jh5loBJ150

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>>23777933
Replace "burn" with "drown in poop water"

>>23777865
/b/-tier shitposting: the thread

>>23777946
You know that tingly feeling you get in your feet when you look down from a high place?

I felt it during that whole vid.

>>23777928
Is of ok comrade, just spend one of too many hours in the zone. Return to home and relax with meat in shape of stick, and potato.

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>listen to customers commenting on pistols
>they love to see how their scripted, rehearsed opinions go over with the gun counter guy
>watch their stupid fucking faces while they parrot comments they've upvoted on arfcom and glockforum
>they want the real life echo chamber so bad
>imagine how badly their asses would get fucking shredded trying to post their gay shit on /k/

>>23777968
Oh gods, I hate heights except while in an airplane. Don't even mention it. Ugh. Even in video games and movies it fucks with me

>>23777965
>Implying this entire thread hasn't been derailed.

>>23777498
>>23777600
98 you made me laugh so fucking hard I began to cry.
00 crying again and woke up my family and can't breath.....
JESUS CHRIST. ....this thread... I must have missed 5.

>>23777946

What was that weird last quickdraw? Some kind of moving redirect so he doesn't pendulum off onto unclimbable wall?

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>>23776408
Thanksgiving weekend and you're giving a guy shit for farting?

>>23776941
FUCKING WHY?

>>23776211
>deer
>endangered
I want that bitch to drive some back roads in Maryland for a week and tell me deer are endangered.

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>>23777987
>Oh gods

>>23777933
>Why would someone do that? go out of their way to cause problems for someone who never did anything to them

Somebody on 4chan said this with a strait face tonight....

>>23778007
Looks like the first draw is just there to be easier to clip since it's longer, so he can reach it sooner. Could just be a backup, though.

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>>23777968

Imagine waking up on this.

>>23777933
>Go to bed Buster Baxter

>>23776278
Holy shit it is now my life mission to buy a gun from you guys.

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>>23778072
>>23778072
How about no?

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>>23778129
Hope you aren't much of a sleepwalker.

>>23777790
>>23777799
Seriously? Mods delete these but not >>23777805 and >>23777865

>>23776849
5x5, always 5x5 regardless of what you hear

>>23776838
>>23776941
>>>/z/

>>23777237
I can't help but laugh at that straw

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>>23778155
Jesus buttfucking Christ

This thread started out pretty good but has devolved into shit.

>>23778214
>>23778155
Go back to >>>/b/ with your le randumb image dumps.

>>23778155
question: how do take a shit in this situation?

>>23778228
Hang it out the door, and scream HEADS UP or LOOK OUT BELOW

>>23777259
free red dot install, oh man

>>23776871
You just made me shiver, fuck stop that.

>>23777356
This kind of shit is why I take a dump in my own bathroom every morning before work. Unless it's a real emergency, I never have to use a public toilet.

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>>23777149

>>23778155
>>23778072
this shit is uncalled for

Which bass pro you work at OP?

>>23777259
>Sports Authority
>guns
When and where the fuck was this? Every Sports Authority I went into ever didn't even sell ammo.

>>23777356
One day when I was working I went to the bathroom to take a shit. I wear coveralls at work, so I had to pull them down obviously.
I had a half chub for some reason, didn't think anything of it. Sat down, started pissing. Heard a strange noise. Looked down, realized that because of my half chub my dick has cleared the toilet bowl and I was pissing all over my pants/coveralls/underwear.
After I finished up I removed it all and because of the way my coveralls were pulled down there was a giant piss stain all over my BACK. I had no backup coveralls, and had to wear my piss coveralls for the rest of my 12 hour shift. Of which 10 hours remained.

>>23777458
I knew a kid who managed to drop a deuce inside the fluorescent light. Like, he pulled the cover off, shat on it, and then put it back up.

>>23778279
really? even in jew jersey mine sells funs, fuddy but still funs at okay prices for jersey.

>>23777987
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbEqnLjHyf8

Tell me more : - )

>>23777091
this

>>23777498
I wouldn't pay 30 for an uncle mikes bullshit holster either

>work at shitty outdoor store in firearms
>be good at selling guns, bad at selling store's credit card and shit
>sell literally 25k in guns and accessories so far this month and still get yelled at about credit cards
>radio check
>silence

Why must life be suffering? I love selling guns, but retail is fucking hell.

>>23776278
I wanna be just like you when I grow up Anon!

>>23778279
Oregon, Near Portland International actually

one other time i was in there a guy was having to buy a new case because airport wouldn't accept the one he had (dimensions or something), manged to snag a cheapo DPMS hard plastic case for free

I don't work at a gun shop, but I had an odd experience

>work at Ruth Chris near convention center
>weekend of gun show, rich fucks trickle in from the show now and then
>waiting this one dude, looks like autistic permavirgin, obviously from gun show
>orders cheapest shit on the menu
>serve him his entree (petite filet), missing a knife, tell him "hold on I'll get you a knife"
>"I don't need one"
>pulls out a giant ass Microtech OTF knife
>extends the knife, you can see his hands visibly recoil from the action of the knife
>360 and walk away
>dude doesnt tip me

>>23777908
I would then force them, at gunpoint, to clean it up, or pay for repairs.

>>23778228

You poop/piss in a plastic bag and stuff it into an airtight pvc tube. >>23778240 results in shit smeared on the cliff and often right on areas where you need to grab onto during your climb. The 60's and 70's where supposedly disgusting in some heavy climbing areas till people came up with ethical ways to dispose of waste onna-cliff.

>>23777933
People are universally shitty creatures, and we all deserve to be purged.

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>Working the counter
>Fat lady buys her $10 of random shit
>Decides to stick around and talk to me after, trying to be coy and flirty
>Oh gods, save me!
>I'm trapped, I have to stay at the counter because nobody else is there to man it
>I look around desperately for backup, but no luck
>Suddenly I feel a fart coming
>I'm lactose intolerant and IDGAF on Turkey day, been brewing all day
>Suddenly remember I had eggs for breakfast
>I smile and engage the fattie in conversation while my butthole is screwed up tighter than a clam with lockjaw, a small tornado if winds brewing slowly
>Wait until I can hold it no longer and silently release the cloud, wonder silently if I could learn to whisle with my anus
>Fattie hasn't smelled it yet, but I can
>Fighting back tears it's so strong
>Fattie suddenly stops mid sentence, blinks twice, then about faces and steamrolls out of there
>MFW

>>23778356
I know the real answer is having a container inside the tent. But the thought of thousand-foot freebombing (successfully, not realistically) makes me chuckle. Fat people who can't climb chuckle.

> work at mall in shitty clothing store
> sporting store in mall, happens to sell "guns" as in fudd rifles and shotguns
> go in one day on a piss break, ask if they have .22lr
> no, agressively so
> lol ok sir
> leave
> go back next day, ask again
> same guy, no again, visible buttmad
> repeat this intermittently throughout month, sometimes twice a day, sometimes not for several
> come in one day, guy is assmad, points at me saying he's going to beat nail my ass to a cross
> apologize, ask if they sell nails
> no
> do you have any .22lr

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>>23778419
>apologize, ask if they sell nails
> no
> do you have any .22lr

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>be cleaning galco holster somebody left a snickers bar in
>suddenly get flashbacks from browsing /d/

later

>>23778419
Excellent

>standing at gun counter
>no customers
>zoning out
>i can feel my pubes growing back in slow motion
>am i on LSD right now?
>customer walks up
>do you have any .22lr?
>no i'm a customer i was going to ask you

>>23776904

The shop I work at made the shoe that dispenses that cream. I'll have to let my boss now about this.

>>23778325
shit rolls down hill, just like anything else. Store managers get bonuses/not fired for credit card sales, you get a 10 dollar gift card to starbucks/not fired.

>>23778482
I don't get shit for credit cards, that's why I don't sell them. I don't care about metrics.

>>23777716

You telling me you don't get buck-ass naked to shit, son?

>>23778374
>>serve him his entree (petite filet), missing a knife, tell him "hold on I'll get you a knife"
I'd be worried about the floor ripping while I'm in my afghan squat position

>>23778520
>Cites a different post than the quote
>quotes a different post than the citation

>>23778511
fight the power

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>>23778442
Forgot my trip

continued

>standing at counter
>no customers around
>go into women's bathroom
>pee into my own asshole
>sprayfart it back out onto toilet seat
>fap
>come back out
>customer appears
>do you have any .22lr
>holdon let me check in the back
>stroll into back, past the pallets of .22lr
>find forklift
>pick up loaded pallet of .22lr
>back forklift up 2ft
>set pallet down
>radio check
>copy
>walk back out
>we're out of .22lr sorry


>>23778538
Fucking this man I was already laughing about that, the >> makes it even funnier

Another one from the other side of the counter.
>go into LGS that has "tactical" in its name, advertizes on Armslist as being a "tactical specialty store" and a "Class 3/NFA/SOT" store
>galco and Uncle Mikes as far as the eye can see in holster aisle, literally nothing respectable
>entire aisle of AR parts with chinese/japanese moon runes as their only labels
>go to ammo counter (which is separate from gun counter), ask about .223
>only carries Wolf
>okay, how about 6.5 Grendel?
>nope
>.300blk?
>nope
>either x39?
>3, 30rd boxes of Red Army Standard 7.62x39, nothing else
>browsing their AR's (which are zip-tied to a slot-board wall not behind a counter)
>PSA for $1200, DPMS, and other gutter-tier AR's for at or over $900
>zombie guns everywhere, including the mossy500 with the ridiculous brake and chainsaw grip (in hazmat green ofc)
>no AK variants at all
>no semiauto shotguns, just cheapo pumps (their best pump gun was a vintage Win1300 someone had tacti-raped)
>..okay, how about pistol ammo?
>sure, but we only have carry ammo
>that's cool, that's what I'm after
>Magtech gold-dot knockoffs and Hornady Critical Defense only for all calibers offered (which is 9, .40, and .45 only)
>....
>okay, you guys advertize as an SOT, what suppressors do you carry?
>oh we don't carry any, we just order them for people
>hm. okay, what's your NFA transfer charge?
>$300
>yeah fuck you guys

>>23778600
I don't get it, why don't you give customers the .22?

>>23778538
I don't know what the fuck happened there. All I wanted was to cite the hanging tent.

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>>23778293
To keep in somewhat /k/ related
>be me
>innabootcamp
>middle of night, have to piss
>get out of rack and stumble over to the bathroom to piss
>feel strange warm feeling in front of skivvie shorts, but too tired to be bothered by it
>almost back in rack, when firewatch comes over and notices wet spot
>bluefalcon.jpeg
>"Drill instructor, recruit anon wet his rack!"

>>23778621

The only solution is to burn down their store.

"Tales from the gun counter"

Fuck... I was recently in the market for a bolt gun... I think the "salespeople" were simply warm bodies. Only one guy I spoke too was pretty cool, although not very knowledgeable. None of them expressed any confidence in their knowledge to recommend ANYTHING. I think as soon as they realized the person they're dealing with knows more than they do (which isn't all that much)... they clam up. Meh, thank god for the interwebs.

>>23778419
Are you a duck?

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>>23777714
>Nobody will ever believe you

>>23777613
Mine doesnt. :(
But Hey finding a girl who will take 10 inches is hard

>>23777746
>mfw no based qt3.14 gf

>>23778677
Then give her ten inches soft

>>23778644
Ammo rationing, wards off the hoarders.

>>23778676
I doubt some chick is going to cooperate with their father violating a restraining order to teach them to shoot....

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>>23778644 See >>23776150

continued

>pick up phone
>call my front cashiers
>can you connect me to firearms
>sure
>my other line rings
>its me
>do you have any .22lr
>let me put you on hold
>ok
>a german sheppard walks in

>>23778674
Contrary to how terrible this thread seems, myself and everyone in my department really goes the extra mile for our customers

>>23778677
wevegotabadassoverhere.png

>>23778685
idontknowthatfeel.jpg

>>23778644
Because if you sell it then what would you put on the shelves?

>>23778724
Your posts are getting weirder and weirder....do you abuse drugs OP?

>>23777982
Most people I've met IRL aren't very gun-savvy, even those who like them.

>>23778724
>call yourself to ask yourself if you have .22
Slow day?

>>23778677
It's probably even harder to keep her 300lb ass fed, and having to lend her money when her babydaddy is dragging his feet on the support payments.

>>23778644
If you give them the .22 you aren't making a sale

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>>23776666
>>walk backwards into storage
>>locate damaged products
>>select turkey call that fell out of package
>>crack door open
>>get visual on customer
>>turkycall.exe

I literally cannot stop laughing.
You have no idea. I'm going to backtrace your ass and send you the bill for my side replacement surgery.

OK, a sad walmart guns tale.

I was out to buy my first gun, hoping for a Savage MKII.

>Go to Acdemy
>no .22lr rifles at all
>We do carry them Savages though, just we ain't get 'em in rat naw
>get offered a child's .410 shotty single shot in pink
>"this'n'd be cheap ta shoot."
>Fuck outathere
>Go to Walmart, see somewhat full cabinet of long funs, with two MKIIs.
>Not quite enough cash

>Wait a week

>Back at Academy
>Cool as fuck black guy at the counter
>Talk about durr hunting, asking noob questions, getting decent answers
>"We're out of Savage bolt action 22s, and they go fast right now. But we *do* have (I forget the couple decent alternatives he offered, just a bit too expensive at the time)

>Head across the street to Walmart again
>Half empty gun cabinet
>One .22lr rifle
>Sporting goods guy taking money for the under-the-table 10-22 list
>Ask if he knows anything about the Savage 64 in the cabinet
>Sorry, I don't know anything about any of these. I just sell what people ask for.
>Fudd comes up
>Got'ny twuntoo raffles?
>Yeah. This guy was just asking for one
>That'n'a roogr?
>I think he said it's a Savage or something
>Owno nuttn bout dem. They innee good?
>I speak up, "Savage is a Canadian company, gaining a lot of recognition lately. They recommend the first three rounds through the same hole, every time."
>Totally bulshitting what I don't knoe
>"Aww hay-ell! I wanna git me wunna dee-yim!"
>There's only the one
>Shit, son! I ain't gonna pull a gun out from unner someone else ...
>Buy shitty Savage
>Go home

>>23776230
>the kraut's face
every time

>>23778346
>dude doesn't tip you

Motherfucker.

>>23778724
NIgga, I think you are going nuts working retail. My last boss still has scars all over his arms and face from when he fought off a guy that went nuts in the store and started hacking at people with a butcher's knife.

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>>23778419
holy fuck man, got a chuckle out of that

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>>23778724
>Asking yourself if .22 in stock
Fucking dammit OP, I'm in tears here.

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>>23778675
Someone gets it.

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>>23778741
Go home Marmaduke.

>>23778419
screencapped

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>>23778760
Do you really want to start that here?

>>23777019
>ask him if i've seem him at our local three guns competition
Lost it

>>23777714
>Number 2: DO NOT speak to me that way or Cuss that way at my counter.


Get over yourself you fucking faggot.

ok back

>working late shift
>black woman walks in
>do you have .22lr?
>left arm falls off
>I'm a chicken

>>23777600
the lords work, truly the lords work

>>23777237
>that straw
holy shit I'm dying over here

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>>23778811
marmaduke why are you using pictures of le makeup clown
use marmaduke
marmaduke

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>>23776941

You're not supposed to do that.

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>>23777410

>>23778853
Youre a weird dude.

>>23778854
They're probably pacified with queen pheromones.
You can pick up swarming bees (outside of a hive, clumped up on a branch) and maybe not get stung.

>>23778841
I dont expect you to like me.

But i wont be talked down to either. Especially at my own fucking counter. Dont like it. Go somewhere else.

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>>23778873
marmaduke, plz no bully :v