>pondering the weapon racks at ye old blacksmith >hark, a foul wenc whom supports her children's that doth play with round ball upon the kings meadows >she gazes upon my visage from the street and begins to chant >she compares me to a crazed peasant from the east and shows distain for my right to protect my lands >tell her to begone >she doth persists >kings guard called, they split her head and offer apologies >return home with squire carrying new mosin nagatana >still no fair maiden to show arsenal
Well ive been conscripted into His Majesty's army, are any other chaps here going to help me remove croissant? >>22423687 This. Have fun getting sliced in half when you miss your first shot and have to reload.
>>22423738 have fun when your dirt humors get ruined, one of slow mind >in other news >be innahome >god damn peasants break in, demanding i turn in my fine arms and armor >IDothNotThinkSo.tapestry >start using muh broadsword, cleaving poorfags in twain >the best armed one only brought a stick >king is filled with anger humours what do, /k/?
>>22423785 Send her to your local doctor,have him alter her beast humors, then burn her on the stake, just to be safe, if she refuses to see the kind doc, stab her with a silver blade, it's the only way
>learn of princess who is traveling on the King's Highway >set up ambush >kill her guards >take princess to your own manor >have your priest brother perform the ceremony >when her father comes to get her tell him that you two are married and you need him to give you a dowry >become a noble lord >???? >PROFIT
It worked for Rollo the Norman, how his line became the Dukes of Normandy.
What weapon should I procure for my wyfe so that she may defend my chateau, my children, and get honor when I am away in London? She is of stout peasant stock, but is, as her sex is inclined to be, fearful of sharpe blades and the report if the handgonne. Would a small bowe be best?
>>22424340 >implying monasteries >implying i dont spend every single sundial rotation reading scrolls about modern arms and chart everything the only good thing the axe can manage over a mace is a blade instead of a metal ball that shatters your enemies bones, and blades are only good against unarmored fags
Chilled Iron is only famous due to the marketplace assassins and is only popular among that group.
A man at arms in the retinue of my lord purchased a Chilled Iron broadsword, and after only three swings against peasants, the blade came loose from the hilt! Now, the worthy man at arms thought quickly and drew his dagger so he could retreat. My lord's master smith examined the Chilled iron blade and found its quality to be lacking severely.
Avoid them at all costs, for their weapons are not made for the rigors of combat, but for knaves such as yourself to carry and hang on their mother's wall while they pretend to be knights and men at arms.
>warlords still fucking shit up >peasants start revolts >fucking ganked by all these rice paddy niggers >katana breaks because shitty steel >fighting other samurai all the time >goddamn mongols and Chinese invading fucking everywhere >fuck ninjas
>barons revolt against king >kebab still in Spain >goddamn Tatars in Poland and Russia. >Turks finishing off the last remnants of the Roman Empire > 2, sometimes 3 Popes creating all kinds of trouble >peasants now have gunpowder, punches hole in breastplate >Holy Land holdings reduced, Kingdom of Jerusalem reduced to Acre >fighting French knights all the damn time >motherfucking Hashashin
I don't know, I may want to go to your slant eye land...
>>22425090 Come to the Golden City of Kiev. Its green and healthy all around, the people are nice, you have based Orthodox christianity (and we dont give a fuck if you are not christians) and I can absolutely assure you, that no fucking mongols will ever come as far as here. And even if, I'm sure we would defeat them without problems; I mean, the Rus are a mix of vikings and steppe nomads, there is no way that a bunch of asian horsefuckers would ever best us.
>>22425212 >wooden shaft theres your problem, again, once the blade hits platemail, itll hurt armorbro, but the axe will break, maces are made to hurt platemail specifically, and as such can also ruin an unarmoured peasants day, yo
>>22427052 >Eastern soap of the Sandalle Woods I wouldst not smell of a heathen temple, I thank thee kindly. My forefathers and all those of the stead in which I tend my lands have made our baths for o'er a thousand of the Lord's years with soap of tallow, ash, and the sweet-smelling produce of our forests. Our heathen ancestors did smell of clean humors, as we enlightened Christians do in this modern age.
Joined a local HEMA club yesterday. We're doing german longsword. We can't afford steel and don't like sinthetic, but the teacher is a carpenter who does some really nice and moderately detailed wooden swords. He offered to make one for me after the model I choose. What should I ask for?
>>22427967 Art thou a subject of such a poor realm that thine footmen are not issued halberds by they king? I weep for thee, poor plebeian. No, even a pleb has wealth, despite it being in goods rather than land. Thou art little more than a serf, I surmise.
>>22423697 >>22423709 >>22423769 >>22423774 >>22427887 (Out of character comment: Sorry but the historian in me just can't let this go. The idea that medieval people never bathed and thought that bathing was harmful is a myth. Medieval people were actually very concerned about personal hygine, although for different reasons than us. They thought that poor body odour and dirtiness indicated the presense of sin and poor moral character. So even peasants made sure to wash themselves every day. True you didn't immerse yourself in water like we do unless you were rich but you could still haul water from the well, scrub yourself with soap and then rinse yourself off. Priests at the time did rail against public and communal bathing, but that was because they thought it led to lewd behavior.
The idea that medieval people never bathed was invented during the Enlightenment era, along with the notion that medieval people thought the world was flat, and that a nobleman could sleep with any female peasant on her wedding night, in order to discredit the old medieval order that enlightenment era intellectuals were trying to overthrow.)
Okay rant over. Sorry but the idea that no one back then bathed just drives me up the wall.
>>22426365 I hath just purchased this surplus gladius for mine black smith's bargain rack for only one silver piece. he sayth that many more shall cometh because the olde empire armories arth being opened.
>>22423863 Observe the spotted urchin yonder! So desperate is he to appear as knight, full grown, unto his peers that he doth strive to spake as though he were a character from one of his illuminated scrolls of comic tales. For, much to the amusement of all about him, he hath confused the conduct of the characters in said scrolls for that of true knights!
Forsooth! Harken unto this reaction tapestry and thou shalt see mine face as I read the scribbling of this most entertaining page.
My fellow /k/nights, So the other night I was laying my seed inside of some cute peasant woman. Once I was putting my armor and sword back on she told me nobody needs a sword and that she'll lie tell the other maidens that I posses an inferior naked sword. So I told the kings men that she was a witch and she was burned before she could tell the other peasant girls. What's the deal with these anti sworders and their obsession with claiming we have small phallus? Damn wenches.
>>22423603 Selaam, Effendi. My name is Kerman Aslanul Papadapolonolgu.
I'm a 15 year old Greek Turkophile. I draw rosette flowers and geometric Arabesque designs for mosques and spend my days playing the shawm for a mehter band (Ceddin Dedden, Hukum Marsi, Ambassador Marsi)
I train with my composite bow, musket, mace, kilij saber, spear, and javelin (both on foot and mounted) everyday. My training regime keeps me superior over any other infidel who only specialize in one weapon. The Spahi approves of my training and I shall be selected for the annual Devirsme Child-Slave tax next year.
I speak Turkish fluently, both the original Seljuk and the Ionian "Rum" dialect and I write fluently as well. I know everything of Turkish history from their humble beginnings as wandering nomads to their glorious conquest of COnstantinople (properly called Istanbul, infidels).
When the governor places me to slavery, I am moving to Istanbul to train in the prestigious Janissary Military Academy near Topkapi palace. I hope I can become one to fight against the Infidels of Europe, or decide who the next sultan will be!
I own several turbans, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I am enslaved, so I can serve the Sultan easier. I bow to the homosexual desires of my elders and seniors and yell in Turkish as they thrust their flaccid penises in my tender backside, but rarely does anyone want me in their bed.
>>22423685 >mace >unarmoured Pleb >crossbow >outside the castle Pleb ye knoweth nothing >>22423687 >bow >on a castle Pleb >stopping power >bow Peasant fag detected, come back with some plate and then we'll talk >>22423697 Silence child, do you know who you are addressing? >>22423708 Good tale my lad, 10/10 would sip wine and fornicate with >>22423738 >peasant women are for fun Agreed, good sir, it's always good to get some practice in some time >>22423785 Execute her you knave >>22423803 >longbow >working against croissant Ha, fool, haven't you heard, we superior French men have got ye English type by the neck, ye incontinent English folk can not into plate >>22423852 >axe >being this pleb he can't afford a good sword or pollaxe I shiggeth diggeth >>22423901 Ah but can he aim, what should happen if a spot of smoke and fog rolls about, then ye will be at my will >>22424075 Ye are the male of that bonding, assert thous dominance upon her, and a bow couldn't do a knacker against a robber in hide, at least not one she could wield, a dagger be best fit for her, but I must inquire, why haven't ye created a first borne, he should be the one to defend the misses for she could be of wicked nature and stab ye in the back, be weary of wenches commoner >>22425212 >lamellar >mail >axe Ahaha we have here a peasant of the sort, thinks he could take me on a man such as me self eh, we'll enjoy ye arrows in ye body, lances in ye chest, and my sword at ye neck >>22425445 seeketh consolation as a scribe or a monk >>22426644 Peasant, knave silence thee self fool, or should we need burn ye village to the ground once more. >>22431902 Fool, ye talk from thou's bottomside, a crossbow bolt couldn't penetrate my skin >>22432406 For one such as ye self, a peasant that being, a billhook seems to fit your acquaintance well, hook the knight from his horse and sell him for a ransom >>22432479 Disgusting impure fare skinned heathen, ye couldn't even conquer bysantine without the crusaders help
Art thou insane? Tis the work of the Hebrews! Those killers of Christ are poisoning the wells of Christian towns! Thou should do as the men along the Rhine, and torture all Jews until they tell you where they got the vile miasma that they pour down the wells.
Nay, overheard a swath of peasants chattering on about tundra aquila and the tremendous power they possess when carried in secret. I could only assume they had partaken in the teachings of the AcrobatFellow.
>>22423603 Grammercy! What hath mine earf hearkened to, you miferable wretch? You would be well ferved to learn that mine hath been the blade a-flewn over fifteen-score-and-ten of the moorish scourge and hold the rank of vaffel to Rome itfelf. Honed are my skills in, shall we say, unconventional chivalry and most renowned if my practice of it. Verily, ye art naught to mine eyef but another notch in my fecond-belt. With vigor and grace, hitherto unknown in the realms of Christendom, fhalst I cleave thee in twain. Think you yourfelf fafe behind the twifted veils of thif feries of tubes? Nay! At thif very moment, mine dedicated network of fheperd-fpies and ferfdoms do clofe in upon thine positioning. Brace yourfelf and fteel your mettle, for this ftorm shall fhuffle off thine mortal coil once and for all! I canft be anyplace you might wifh to steal away, and the veriety of dispatchments I couldft make of your final hourf - with naught but naked fist - are many indeed! Not only have the crafty mafters of the orient trained mine hanf; mine if the length and breadth of Christendom's armoury! If you had but known the unholy fury that yourf ejaculation wouldst bring upon you and your household, mayhap, perchance thy toungue might have been kept, and my wrath averted. Alaf, you hadn't not, you born-and-bred cur. I shall defecate divine retribution and you will breathe thy laft within it'f confinef. Your life if not worth the snap of a twin underfoot.
I did buy a weapon from beyond the pond yonder, they sent it to me in pieces leaving me tossing turning sleepless, I must forfiet more gold to have it fixed by some shoddy gunsmith for more than i paid for it :[
This rowdy unshaven peasant dressed in "beige" who dare'd to suggest our horses are spineless cowardly creatures that would not carry their most noble riders into combat should be stoppe'd ere he pollutes the thoughts of other feeble minded peasants with his nonsense.
Fellow men at arms, I beseech the to honor my request.
I require aid. I have ridden long from the lands which I called home, paid by a Boyar of Muscovy, to help him with a little problem.
While out hunting, he lost one of his men at arms, and days later, the man came back: changed, with sickeningly bruised skin and a hunched back and a strange gait. He behaved strangely, but for someone who had just "survived a boar attack" it was nothing out of the ordinary.
Little did the Boyar know that an insidious infection was beginning to take hold. This man lured his fellow hunters into the woods to "wash his wounds out in a stream" and soon more men returned changed. They then returned to their families and continued this process: something stealing their skins,if not their souls, and walking amongst us almost unnoticed.
Fearing the worst, that this infection would reach Novgorod, the Boyar paid me to help him assuage his problem. However, it was far too late.
His small hamlet is overrun with these creatures: appearing as broken men in the daylight, but filling the night air with chittering and guttural perversions of speech as the sun falls. We have hold up in his castle, as the "flesh-walkers" cannot seem to scale the walls nor seem to attempt to break down the door. Methinks they behave like the night-creatures of Lord Tepes' lands, and must be invited in.
Bless the stonemason that built these walls, but we are out of arrows and have naught but three months food left. Leaving would be suicide, as Novgorod is at the least four days ride away: they would take us at night.
Please, my fellow /k/nights, harken to my aid. There is gold, and many jewels, for those who come. This Boyar is a greedy man, but not stupid, he can regain his wealth but not his life.
I trust this falcon hath found one of the brotherhood to relay this message. Attached is a scribe's impression of mine own countenance as I returned from the first and only time we sallied out to meet them.
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