>>14621101 have you ever had your burger slip between the bun? have you ever felt the dread of knowing you must reassemble your sandwich and get your fingers disgusting? HAVE YOU EVER DEMOLISHED THE LAST SENSE OF SELF RESPECT YOU EVER HAD FOR YOUR PATHETIC NEET ASS WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU CANT EVEN EAT FOOD DESIGNED TO BE EATEN WITH EASE!?!?!?!?!??!
You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.
You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.
>>14622517 The other day. I went to the neighborhood McDonald's. Y'know, Mac. But there was a whole crowd of people there, and I couldn't sit down. And then, I saw a curtain hanging from the ceiling, which had "Megamac" written on it. Come on, you retards. You idiots. Hey, you guys, don't come to McDonald's just because it says Megamac, morons It's Megamac! Fucking Megamac! There are parents and children here too. A four person family coming to McDonalds? "All right, Papa's gonna order some Megamacs--" I can't watch anymore. You bastards, I'll give you a hamburger if you leave those seats. McDonald's, it should be more bloodthirsty. During mealtimes, a brawl might start at the cash register. Provoked or unprovoked. That kind of atmosphere would be great. If you've brought a woman, piss off. So, just when I'd finally sat down, the guy in the neighbooring booth asks for "a cheeseburger" That really got my blood boiling. Hey you, Cheeseburgers aren't that popular at all, you know? Retard. He says "cheeseburger" with such an arrogant face. I want to has him if he really wants to eat a cheeseburger. I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for an hour. You, did you really want to order a cheeseburger? I'm a McDonald's expert, and among us McDonalds's experts, the most popular dish recently is the chicken fillet. It's that. A chicken fillet for the go. That's a McDonald's expert's recommendation. Chicken fillets have chicken meat in them. There's more chicken than vegetables. Get that. That, and a large fries. It's the best. But if you order it, the employees will annoy with stuff like "Sir, chicken fillets will take a bit of time, is that OK with you?" I can't recommend this to an amateur. So then, you bastards, what I mean is that you should just eat a hamburger.
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