>normie mate got a gf
>I said to him, jokingly "I'm your mate so I told her (his gf) that id only shag her when you she dumps you because I don't cuck my mates"
>he literally didn't speak to me for a week
>he broke up with his girlfriend 2 days ago, after a month of being together
>he asks me what I'm doing this weekend, so I say "what do you think I'm doing? I wasn't joking about fucking your gf when she dumped you"
>he won't speak to me or respond to my texts
Fucks sake, it was only shit tier banter aswell. He knows I'm a Virgin who'd never even speak to a girl on my own free will, I don't know why he's being like this. I WAS JOKING.
WHY ARE PEOPLE POSTING IN THIS THREAD
THIS THREAD IS THE WRONG THREAD
MY THREAD >>53822872 >>53822872 >>53822872 WAS MADE A SECOND BEFORE SO IT IS THE TRUE THREAD
THIS IS ALL WRONG FUCKING DELET THIS THREAD JANNY STOP IT NOW I AM BEING DEPRIVED OF MY POSTS IN MY THEAD
>upstairs NEETing away
>go downstairs to make a snack
>enter your kitchen
what, i say, WHAT do you DO!?
WE ARE IN HERE >>53822872
>the one on /int/ doesn't seem too bad
The one on /int/ is autistic as fuck, he can't take a joke. I put my name as "The Janny" once and he banned me for "impersonating a staff member"
Staff implies you get paid
in comparison to the one on /vg/ / /gsg/ right little ban happy cunt, have been banned 2/3 times for on topic stuff and seen a load of 'ban requests' that the mod has denied against me from him lol
>that time the boards got fucked and no one could enter the thread if they closed the tab
>post count reached 2k
>everyone began posting porn
>janny couldn't respond to ban requests because he couldn't open the thread
Went absolutely mental when normal service resumed.
>at a party, drunk as fuck
>some lad is telling us how he volunteers at the dog shelter
>"so you do it for free?"
>"yeah lad, I don't mind though, its not that bad"
>"HAHAHHAHAHAHA HE DOES IT FOR FREE WAHEEEEY"
>turns out 4chan memes aren't as funny irl
>not working at Goldman Sachs
>not having mandatory time off during your shift to work out, maintaining peak physical, as well as mental health
>not having world class gourmet meals free of charge in the restaurant, accompanied by the finest of wines
>not making £££
Nah it's a really good you. If you time it at the start of the thread it derails the whole thread over everyone arguing over eachother and calling eachother reddit. Starting a flamewar is worth 200 yous
>send your convicts here
>have to stay in shithole england
doing a big laff @ u
its a rly autistic thing to say, just coming out with "haha i am fucking your gf" out of nowhere
then when he takes it badly instead of building him a bridge to get over it you just make the same joke again
been drinking almost every day for the past three years, and especially in the last 6 months I have been drunk every single night and the amount required to get me drunk or even tipsy is just spiralling away into infinity as my tolerance builds.
Decided to put a stop to it and I'm on day 2 of nodrink and I'm literally gagging for a beer or a vodka or anything, it's really mental.
need to keep myself distracted or I'll snap
He's my mate, I've said worse to him. He didn't complain when I called his black step mum a nigger. I guess saying it twice was dumb, but honestly I wanted him to react the same way as he did the first time and he actually did. desu don't care if he never speaks to me again.
>being offended over words
What a faggot
did a bit of a kek after seeing this
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the /brit/ dream.
I have a dream that one day this general will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "maisie cara nige poo tbH."
I have a dream that one day on the white cliffs of Dover, the shitposters of former colonies and the shitposters of Britain will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the Janny, in a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that Yanks will one day live in their own general where they will not be judged by their bastardisation of the English language.
I have a dream today!
*at dinner table with family*
*crack open my well-known, salmon colored broadsheet*
*mum gives me a stern look*
>anon, put that away, we're eating
*lower my paper and give her the "it's your fault we're poor because you don't know shit about finance" look*
*reraise paper and continue analysing the markets*
mum cancelled my subscription to the Economist so I cancelled her subscription to her medication. That will teach her to get in the way of any future business opportunities that may transgress
>this emotionally defective pillock wondering why his mate got offended at his "joke"
Made me feel considerably better about myself desu.
>in year 7
>this girl was in year 11 at the time
>she was short, fat, had a speech impediment, a limp, had scraggly hair, not exactly attractive, etc basically just an extremely fucked up girl
>used to have to watch the lads in her year relentlessly bully her all day
it was fucking awful, I preferred being on the receiving end of the bullying, watching people like that get bullied is hard to watch. Absolute evil cunts who did it though, fucking degenerates. I really hope she did well in school and made something of her life.
How is living at a sunny sand beach any guarantee that you live happier? It's a superficial thing to show on photos, just like living in a sterile 800 m^2 mansion while you could live in a cosy 100 m^2 old house. Of all the factors there are for a person's happiness, I believe there are less than 1% of people where living at a sunny sand beach does actually more than 10% to their personal luck. For most it's probably below 1%.
>enjoy your superficial but not happier life m8
>You wouldn't last two minutes with my mates if you think that was "offensive"
Bait is best. Politics, sound dumb too, not unbelievable stupid but "omg really!" stupid
If you want (underrated post) instead try for obscure posts relating to classic or retro cultural artefacts, or more leftfield modern ones. I have had 5 in 2 weeks, nearly gave me wood when i realised.
>fat autist in my IT class
>his face used to make me annoyed
>used to punch him in the belly because he made these walrus sounds when he got hurt
>the whimpering noises he made and the way he screwed up his face whenever he got hurt made me angry
>grab his face
>"GOD YOUR FACE PISSES ME OFF, STOP SCREWING IT UP LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE BITCH, DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME AND BE QUIET"
I was a dick, Jesus Christ.
You know what I mean when somebody has one of those faces you just want to smash against a wall though
>hasn't become apparent what it is on it it's own yet
I'm obviously playing doubles advocate
>Wrote this in about 30 minutes lads. Please rate:
"I like gouda."
"Excuse me?" Brandon raises a finely-sculpted eyebrow.
"I like gouda," the buxom brunette in front of him repeats, pouting her berry-stained lips. "If you're thinking about what you want to get me for our anniversary, I'm letting you know I like Gouda. Like, the cheese."
"...American cheese? God, it's disgusting. I guess it's all the plebs can manage to afford, though I don't know how they can stomach to eat all that processed crap. Babe, are you listening?" The nail on her index finger is slightly chipped. Brandon doesn't want to tell her, unless he wants to listen to two more hours of her first world problems. The filet mignon slides down somewhat uncomfortably down his throat as he swallows.
"Nancy, when have I ever said I wanted to date you?" The words are as blunt as his two-hundred dollar hair cut. Nancy recoils, obviously offended. Brandon takes a sip of Chardonnay, swishing the liquid around in his mouth.
"Don't think that just by sleeping with me, you automatically get everything that comes with the Hardwell name," Brandon scoffs. Another remark is on the tip of his tongue, but he is rudely interrupted by the glass of water that splashes in his face.
"I guess the stories are true, huh?" Nancy hisses, standing up. "The Hardwell heir is as much of an asshole as the tabloids claim." And with that, the brunette picks up her purse and leaves, Louboutinis click-clacking on the floor.
Unperturbed, Brandon slips off his suit jacket and accepts the towel from the waiter, wiping off the water sliding down his face. He can't resist one final jibe before Nancy disappears out of view.
"Hey, there's a guy I know if you want to practice giving better blow jobs," he yells across the room, relishing the look of fury on Nancy's face.
And just like that, another disastrous end to a first (or was it second?) date. He wasn't worried. The ladies loved him.
>I guess it's all the plebs can manage to afford
Stopped reading right there
i have reached the critical stage. i now have two states: high on drugs, high without drugs.
going out with a polish girl who has large boobies
hoping I don't screw up so I can seal the deal
>tfw gay apostate paki
>family trying to put me into arranged marriages with women
>all are muslim fundies
>currently living away from them with my bf who's my "flatmate"
>woman on radio 3 talking about the holocaust
I'm fucking sick of hearing about the sodding holocaust.
People seem to forget there was even a war that millions of people died. All they remember is muh holocaust.
25 million Russians died in WW2 yet nobody cares.
It's the iOS 9.3 beta
Just google "iOS public beta" and follow the instructions on Apple's website to install it. After that it's just under display and brightness in the settings app.
some of us were created just to suffer
just bought a vip table with the lads
we're gonna chip in and get a bottle of goose between us as well, we're all gonna get smashed haha
You know fine well that I won't ever be doing that.
want to give her a shower with my willy juices
idk man maybe not
dog breeds are often fairly recent (a few decades or centuries old) while human "breeds" are often thousands of years old
the real difference is that dog breeds were designed by humans while the human form was largely built to fit its environment and society off of the same archetypal "human" shape.
>hearing her car pull into the driveway
ahaha i saw this thread last night
he actually fucked a transgender
a bulldog and a WOLF have more in common genetically than a european and an african
>tfw a girl invited me to her birthday party on facebook
what do you think she meant by this? is she playing a joke on me?
I'll turn up and everyone will laugh at me for thinking the invite was serious won't they.
>still living with mommy
It's absolutely awful that the natural use of women's breasts is deemed 'disgusting'. Is it disgusting when your sat on a park bench eating a sandwich? No because eating is a natural part of life so feeding a baby is too. It's so wrong how society has warped peoples brains into thinking breastfeeding is wrong and showing off your boobs is right.
> tfw moved out of my parents house at 17
> tfw me and my brother have a house together
> tfw work nights
> tfw spend the day doing nothing but getting naked and masturbating to black females
>It's absolutely awful that the natural use of women's breasts is deemed 'disgusting'. Is it disgusting when your sat on a park bench eating a sandwich? No because eating is a natural part of life so feeding a baby is too. It's so wrong how society has warped peoples brains into thinking breastfeeding is wrong and showing off your boobs is right.
the problem is it's quite out of my way to take the risk, I live in London and her party is in Liverpool
don't think I could handle the humiliation of going all the way up there just for a joke at my expense
yea its possible desu, but I reckon I can handle it then let go once it gets to be too much.
already been playing her a bit, got her number but haven't sent her a msg yet just to get her to sweat a little
God created us in his image.
To destroy yourself like that is an offence to God. People like that make me sick. We should strive to look after our bodies, avoid tattoos, do not pierce the body, do not take drugs or excessive alcohol
Think I'm going to try phishing again
Stick to facebook, since I can vizualise the win condition more clearly though the redirect problem still bugs me
Going to try some randoms, build up some steam, then try some non-English, non-Polish speakers, and then near Xmas next year, go for the big girls
Nah, its just when people do it to show how high and mighty they are, they just wish for someone to say something so they can spurt out some shit and feel all good about themselves
>mind filled with hormones making me strongly want to put my hard willy inside attractive women
>my willy isn't inside attractive women and has never been in sexual contact with any women
>you wake up to the sound of the muezzin call
>you go in the kitchen for some breakfast
>you grab some 100% certified halal butter
>you grab some bread
>you remember you can't spread the butter normally because the authorities took all your kitchen instruments
>you spread it with your hand
>you take the car to start your day
>shit, the entire road network is a giant mass of plastic and metal, typical london traffic
>wait, what's that guy doing on the street?
>that's a big knife
>oh, that's nothing, you realize it's just the shariah police performing a casual beheading
>are they walking towards you
>they ask you to bring down your window
>"Assalamu-Alaikum wa Rahmatullah, akhi, have you not forgotten to perform your daily prayers today? You are not straying off the path of the mu'mineen are you, brother?"
>"n-n-no", you meekly reply to the brown, bearded, typical londoner-looking shariah police leader
>you feel tensions rising
>he asks you to recite verse 35 of Surah-Al Baqarah of the holy Qur'an
>you recite it perfectly, having memorized the holy revelation of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as is required in british schools but hesitate near the end
>the shariah police leader lets you off this time
>wew, that was close, you sigh, and go on about your day, slowly driving to your destination, the London Jihadi Brigade Training Center, where you will learn vital skills that will prove invaluable in your future fight against the Kuffar
such is life in the Islamic Caliphate of Injilistan