What were /int/'s most embarassing moments?
>ugly, broke 19 year old male
>find a 9/10 qt gf
>come to her house
>we are watching a movie
>shit starts heating up
>I have to take a shit
>I take a big dump which smells like Indian curry
>I try to flush, but the flush is broken
>Too embarassed to tell her
>Try to gather water and flush it myself
>After a quarter or so, she comes and wonders if I'm alright
>tell her just had a lot to eat
>her parents come earlier than usual
>they catch me using sink water to flush my big shit
>tell her I am a dirty junkie and that she shouldn't be with me
>get kicked out
Tell me yours
>See someone I thought I knew on the street
>Wave and say "hey !"
Then I walked back home, embarassed.
Every time I have to it's always inevitable. I swear, I am very prone to being plugged up, but it's the opposite at someone's home.
>teacher talking to me in front of the whole (only ten-ish people) at desk in senior year
>teacher always casually talks about his autistic daughter and how strong or troubled she is and how normal she can be
>...there's plenty of people even here you'd never guess to be high functioning autistic
>I've always wanted to ask you anon
>are you autistic?
>stammer no in a cringe/laugh
>party for me at best friends place
>equal amount of girls to guys
>drink tons of shots and eat cake
>all decide to go clubbing
>try to kiss girl in car
>girl backs away
>get to club
>head to bar with a friend
>get mad that i can't find anyone
>throw shoes at homeless man cause he calls me a drunk idiot
>wander downtown bare feet
>head to diner
>order food start looking at picture of girls on facebook
>start masturbating infront of everyone
>see its my birthday on my id
>drop me off at home
>cops put plastic bags on my feet
>ripped my shirt fighting police
>peed my pants
>didn't update address on my id
>cops dropped me off 30 minutes from my current home
>walking home with blackeye, piss pants, ripped shirt, and plastic bags on feet
>Have internship dad set up for me
>Super easy and looks good on resume I guess, whatever I'll do it
>Stay up way too fucking late every night and be literally falling asleep there
>One time literally fell asleep and guy woke me up thinking i was joking or something and wasn't sure how to react
>One day had to shit really badly
>Too autistic to figure out where bathroom is and didn't want to ask
>Ended up shitting my pants
>Smelled horrible, I am sure others could smell it
I was at a club and this nasty girl barely had any clothes on so I danced with her at one point and I took my penis out and did the helicopter she didn't really have a problem with it but some other people did and I was thrown out
It was in AP government and the question was more subtle than what I laid out. It absolutely did, and this teacher did things like this all the time. In the hallway he'd ask
>going to any parties this weekend?
I was once returning home from a night out and I had lost my underpants for some reason, I had to pee so I did that on the pavement,
I then proceed with getting back home with the subway, when I stood in my doorway looking for my key I discovered that my dick was hanging out the fly and it had pr.obably been out for a while
Not sure desu.
I did some ridiculously autistic shit sometimes. At that point in time that I'm remembering though i was literally autistic and played videogaymes every single day after school but I guess some people just assumed I was alpha/had stuff going on/actually did meaningful things...
It was super weird. Like I would say a retarded joke and people would laugh unironically. I would say something dumb and people would assume I was being sarcastic, etc.
One of my worst was when I was trying to display my interests to a girl. First semester of uni:
>we go to coffee house, chit chat, etc
>hold hands on walk back to my dorm
>I invite her in, she agrees
>In my retarded attempt to project my erudite, sophisticated side i insist we go through an entire Otto Dix anthonlogy book i have.
>it wierds her the fuck out
>"uhhhh thanks for showing me all these...cool...paintings anon, i'm gonna leave now" she says
>"ok" i reply
so it goes. we learn a little bit each time
pic related really freaked her out
>TFW you added cute girls from school on MSN
>Tfw you said cringyworthy things to them
>TFW YOU LITERALLY HAD A PICTURE OF A PORNSTAR AS YOUR DP AND A LIST OF YOUR FAVORITE PORNSTARS IN YOUR STATUS
FUCK MY LIFE UP SENPAI
It involves me shitting my pants in front of my class while doing crunches. It's comical now, but i think it pretty much destroyed my childhood, and consequently, the rest of my life.
Upside is, every embarassing thing i do now seems like nothing by comparison. I remember it every day though.
>It involves me shitting my pants in front of my class while doing crunches. It's comical now, but i think it pretty much destroyed my childhood, and consequently, the rest of my life.
Know feel except I didn't shit my pants in class but many other things happened to me which made my life worse and worse until i am now a broken man with no ambitious, no hobbies and no friends.
I think I need a therapist, I could talk and remember fucked up stories all throughout my life for probably a week straight of talking.
I don't even know whether to laugh or cry remembering some of this stuff. ;-;
drank way too much. lost control. at my friends place i easily drank 10+ shots and a few beers like 6+, get to the club and i drank easily 10+ shots and a few beers 6+ again. Started drinking at 9pm. clubs close at 2am. so 5 hours of power drinking.
i got bullied in school.
bully said i smell and sprayed deodorant in my face.
i lost it and started hitting him. he beat me up in return.
the only thing keeping me going was the hope that he will fail in life and i suceed.
i am a virgin and neet, he is married and earns very good money at a major car company.#
>tfw yung qts literally wanted your dick and you fucked it all up
>slut with big tits asks me if I want "to chill"
>Me being autistic as hell don't know what "chill" means so I opt to play videogames instead and ignore her
i give up desu
Now i'm a kissless, gf-less virgin.
Ouch man, I sort of know how you feel though
last time I went to a funeral I gave my cousin a tissue as she was crying and tried to cheer her up by telling her she was using the same brand of tissues I use for my cum. She got mad as fuck and my whole family hated me for a while.
to be honest, I never had any really embarassing moments
i do have one similar story, but no one saw me so it wasn't really embarassing
>coming home from school
>held in a shit the entire school day (like 7 hours)
>have to shit really really really bad
>stomach hurts like hell
>clenching my ass is the only hope
>get to my building
>start climbing stairs
>every stair is another battle
>I live on the 3rd floor, got to the 2nd
>couldn't keep it in any longer
>shit just slides out
>goes down my pant sleeve and flops on the stairway
>go home full of regret and shame
at least I came back and cleaned it up afterwards
I once tried to do a retarded trick on my shitty walmart bicycle and I slammed my dick and balls into the handlebar and my penis was bruised and hurt like hell.
No wonder I have such low testosterone now.
>Tfw when you got pansted everyone laughed at you and called you a fag
>Tfw when you tried to pants people back everyone called you a fag for pulling another male's pants down
There is just no winning, is there?
I had the beer shits and unloaded fury and hell into a bidet at friends girlfriend appartment, Everyone knew it was me and her bf beat me up in the morning.
I lost like 14 friends that day, had to delete my fb account and never went to that part of the town ever again. Rumors spread anyway so here i am.
Just do it.
Plan it carefully, and do it.
If you can't deal with the consequences later, just kill yourself after you've done it, you'll die as a happy hero
I had a particularly hairy ass for my age and caught some shit for it but nobody called me a fag
It happened so often in that class that eventually everybody knew what every male ass in the room looked like.
On the upside a qt I "middle school dated" later told me I had a cute butt.
>be me like 10 years ago
>living in a drug den
>no idea how I even ended up there but where I watch tv and browse the internet
>fund my addiction by picking the locks of rich neighborhoods and stealing shit in their basements
>after a relaxing afternoon burglarizing shit and smoking at my pad I wanted to get fucked up on DXM
>shit's like $20 for a bottle
>go to CVS and start stuffing pockets
>guy taps me on the shoulder and asks me what I'm doing
>push him out of the way and sprint out the door
>out of the corner of my eye I saw the guy behind the counter vault it and start chasing me
>keep sprinting and don't look back, small boxes probably falling out of my coat's pockets
>keep sprinting all the way back to my pad
>I hear sirens as I get closer
>dodge the pad maybe the cops are there I leg it into the woods to chill for the rest of the day
>I'll be a bushman maybe find a nice pond to chill by
>sleep in the woods to kill more time and I can't see at night
>navigate my way back to the pad when morning comes
>like 1/4 of it is a smouldering wreckage
>ask some of the peeps what happened
>some guy left a lit cigarette next to his computer on the couch
>Shitting anywhere but your own toilet.
Why? I will never understand how someone can not hold in a shit for 2-3 days. You just get a little constipated.
Just happened 10 sec ago
>be me on subway/metro
>grabing phone out my pocket
>my headphones drag my condoms and they fell
>I made a low chukle and i stared into one of the viewer eyes
>diying of shame
Alot of LSD and weed will give you that. Or you could do the classic peyote+drive into the desert. But you'd have to be here for that. I guess you could go to like alberta or someshit idk but it is in fact true that you only get 1 shot at life then you die forever. So idk just fuckin' do something.
Too many to count at this point.
>Friends pick me up
>Told me they were picking me up in a different car
>They parked by the mailbox place of apartment complex
>There's another car parked there
>Without looking inside, I open the backseat and sit down
>Realize something is strange, there's beach stuff in the back and a fat woman sleeping in the passenger's seat
>Man gets in car and looks at me, I say "sorry, wrong car"
>Get out and see friend in car laughing
>They still joke about it
>I tried flirting with a girl (she flirted a bit back too)
>She mentioned how her brother drag races
>Tell her "I saw two people racing on the street and it made me think of you"
>She apparently had a boyfriend the entire time
>Time I got pantsed in a Judo summer camp by some cunt (this was when I was around 11)
>Judo camp eventually was coopted by fat black lady who made us also play apehoop, learn how to do taxes, and dance hip hop
>that happened to be the day I didn't wear any underwear as most of it was being washed so I wore some shitty underwear in the back of the drawer that not only barely fit me but had holes in it
>I cried for a while as it happened in a fairly crowded area
I've made a fool of myself too many times, either due to naivety or being of my crippling social anxiety.
I found it weird how she actually wanted kids from all ages (there were kids as young as 7) to learn how to do anything related to economics, especially at a summer camp.
>Senior event back in HS, at Orlando (Universal/Islands of Adventure)
>Popular girl I had a crush on dancing with chads
>Friend talks with the girl, convinces her to dance with me
>I get nervous to the point where my chest hurt, and run out, and walk around the area they have HS penned into (which are like shitty little clubs with food/drinks/dancing)
>Bought a corsage on prom night for a girl that a friend promised me he'd get to go with me
>Prom also happened to land on my birthday
>Went alone, other friend ditched his date to be with me
>Two of my friend's girlfriends (everyone in my social group had dates) take a picture with me, I look like a deer in headlights in the picture
>I end up giving the corsage I bought for my ""date"" to a friend's drunken mother who was the "chaperone" of the after-prom party
This happened a few weeks ago
>go out to buy stuff at 7am
>streets are kinda empty not a lot of people around
>bus stops a few metres in front of me
>qt 3.14 walks out
>Fondling with change in her purse as the bus drives a way
>Suddenly, Idea pops in
>start walking really fast
>she doesn't notice my presence yet
>still trying to stuff change in purse
>get close enough to her
>fucking cunt still doesn't notice me
>grab purse and try to run
>fucking deathgrip like a gorilla
>get pulled back as she stares at me in shock
>i stumble a little and almost fall
>she's like 165 cm tall and skinny
>let go of the bag and smile at her
>a few people notice
"I w-was just testing you. he"
>wink and start walking away trying to act cool
>she just stares at me in shock
>a few steps later run like hell
>go home and realise i left my wallet
>go back it's gone
she took my fucking wallet
>be kid in turkey on vacation
>eat in some super fancy ice cream restaurant outside because its really hot in turkey
>want to go inside because I needed to take a piss
>the 4 walls of the building were made out of glass
>they're superclean, can't spot them
>run with a full sprint against the glass
>turks are laughing at me
>be me in high school
>freshman 14 years old
>asked out this girl I had a crush on since school started
>first week dating we were walking around campus
>our school campus was shaped like a circle and people would play hand ball on the school buildings
>it had rained the day before so there were mud puddles around the grass
>me and my new gf where walking when the tennis pay they were playing with rolls to the grass with the mud
>I decided to be a supreme gentleman and go to the grass and toss it back to the guys playing.
>run towards the ball in the muddy puddle
>slip and fall on the fucking mud with my gray pants and white vans on
>I used to dress like a faggot
>everyone laughs at me laughs
>gf is standing awkwardly as people are literally laughing at me
>dust myself off as best I could
>run back to gf and continue talking and tell her I'm sorry for falling and embarrassing myself in front of her
>she says its cool
>dumps me a week later
>never speaks to me again even though we ride the same bus and lived like a block away from each other
High school wasn't easy for me
>Be me, 17, state swimming championships
>About to swim 100m freestyle
>Get up on starting block
>Get in diving position, fucking ready to go
>Someone flinches, race starter tells everyone to stand back up
>Takes me by surprise, I halfway dive into the pool, end up bellyflopping into the water
>I was the only one to go into the water
>1000+ people, including my family, saw it
>at a coffeeshop with a QT who likes me
>sitting on a couch at the back of the shop where no one can see
>get a boner because she has been fondling my neck
>I get a reddener
>she starts to stroke my dick through my trousers
>get even more embarassed
>"hehe I don't think we should do this here there are people watching"
>she scowls at me and doesnt talk to me for a good five minutes
>I try to make it up to her by feeling her leg and thigh
>she pushes my hand away
>fooling around in my room
>"Anon I have a secret"
>she play-pretends it's super important
>"I'm not wearing any panties"
>I say "why would you want to keep that a secret ha"
>don't even reach in her pants that day
>don't even get to second base that day
>awkward as fuck for the rest of the day
that entire relationship was just trainwreck after trainwreck
Not mine though
"I went to the Starbucks at the Camino Real Marketplace by myself, like I usually did every morning. I ordered my coffee and sat down on one of their chairs to relax. A few moments later, when I looked up from my drink, I saw a young couple standing in line. The two of them were kissing passionately. The boy looked like an obnoxious punk; he was tall and wore baggy pants. The girl was a pretty blonde! They looked like they were in the throes of passionate sexual attraction to each other, rubbing their bodies together and tongue kissing in front of everyone. I was absolutely livid with envious hatred. When they left the store I followed them to their car and splashed my coffee all over them. The boy yelled at me and I quickly ran away in fear. I was panicking as I got into my car and drove off, shaking with rage-fueled excitement. I drove all the way to the Vons at the Fairview Plaza and spent three hours in my car trying to contain my tumultuous emotions. I had never struck back at my enemies before, and I felt a small sense of spiteful gratification for doing so. I hated them so much. Even though I splashed them with my coffee, he was still the winner. He was going home to have passionate heavenly sex with his beautiful girlfriend, and I was going home to my lonely room to sleep alone in my lonely bed. I had never felt so miserable and mistreated in my life. I cursed the world for condemning me to such suffering."
>In high school
>Cute girl 9/10
>Like joking around with her
>One day see her at hallway
>"Hey anon, I think it is time to talk about our relationship"
>Her friends were around, really embarassed
>"What are you talking about?"
>Turn 360 degrees and nope the fuck out
I was fucking around after track practice and playing catch on the pole vault pads when I dove too far trying to catch a pass, ended up slamming my head into the ground, got a concussion and broke my tooth.
>be me 13 yr old
>friend is 12 yr old
>both of us just hit puberty
>really horny all the time and make sexual jokes with eachother
>one day he comes over to play
>went into room to play pirates
>got bored and started to compare dicks
>15 year old sister walks in
> at store buying junk food as usual
> qtest ever cashier works there
> mesmerized by her
>"hello" she says, I reply "thank you" in a whispery voice
> try to rationalize, best way out of this situation is to laugh it off
> laughing silently but intensively
> eyes start watering
> take a sip of coke to try to stop laughing.
> bad idea, entire thing goes through my nose
> I try to inhale through my nose in order to prevent coke from flying around
> success, but the coke now ends up in my throat so I just gag and throw it up on her
> tip her 10 euro for the trouble
> be me in winter
> high as fuck chilling in my home
> think my fridge is a snowman, so I move it to my balcony so the bro doesn't melt
> snowman bro thanks me n shit
What really happened
> throw fridge from like the 8th floor
> neighbour bitch was near it accused me of wanting to murder her
> had troubles with the police
Why can't I get over embarrassing shit that happened more than six years ago?
Every time I think about things that happened when I was in school I feel the same feeling of embarrassment all over again and want to die even more.
>Playing (American) football in middle school PE
>Get a touchdown despite being a scrawny loser
>Slam the ball on the ground like they do in the movies
>It bounces back up and nails me right in the face
That's about the extent of it for me
I'm too autistic to be out going enough to try anything awkward Tbh
>sort of a double date to the movies with her friend and my friend
>end up accidentally watching some sad movie, she starts crying
>getting popcorn she mentions there's a photobooth
>strongly hinting at something
>i don't catch it and we go back to the movie
>friend literally forces my hand into hers as we're driving home
>sit there rock solid for the rest of the drive
>we awkwardly cuddle for like two hours
>right as she's leaving she say "oh my god" and kisses me
we broke up three weeks later
>7th grade Texas History class, qt who lives across the street sitting next to me
>feel massive fart straining my ass
>holding it in no problem
>last ten minutes of class no one is allowed to leave
>just hold it, it hurts so much
>"Everybody get out your books, turn to page 165"
>have to shift my weight to one side to get my book from under my desk, right ass cheek lifts a few inches off the seat
>fart makes a jail break
>earth shattering noise, windows shake, farted directly on qt, see her coil in disgust
>entire class falls immediately silent, then bursts out laughing
>people start saying "who did that, who did that"
>Guy says "wasn't me", guy in front of me says "wasn't me"
>face is deep read, start sweating
>guy in front of me spins around, says it totally was you!
>hear girl across the room say "it was ____"
>laughing laughing laughing
>another qt says "No no! Don't make fun of him! He'll bring a gun to school"
>beads of sweat rolling down my bright red face, say "h-haha, never! That's ridiculous" while waving my hands
>teacher scolds us all to be quiet. people randomly burst out laughing for the longest 10 minutes of my life
> Be with one of my ex girlfriends (we were together at the time)
> Ass itches, have to scratch
> Do it when shes in another room
> she comes back
> we cuddle
> after a while she takes my index finger in her hand and smells it saying "whats this?"
> ehm,.. I scratched my balls.
I almost died of shame that day
>"No no! Don't make fun of him! He'll bring a gun to school"
Right in the fucking feels
Not that anyone's ever said that specifically to me but I've been told several times I look like a serial killer.
It was absolutely the worst. I was just quiet and shy.
this was during high school
>go to sit with her at lunch
>don't know any of her friends
>sit there awkwardly
>in my defense, she sits there just as awkwardly
>later she texts me a long paragraph about how I was being too awkward and she didn't want my awkwardness to drive us apart so we shouldn't see each other at school anymore
>bawl my eyes out and agree with her
I was just desperate for a gf at that point
>14 year old and super horny
>go to cousin's house (female)
>she takes shower
>sneak into room
>find used panties in laundry bin
>masturbate while sniffing them
>she walks in
>she walks out
>never talks to me for a few years
she was probably cheating on you or was just ashamed of introducing you to her friends
you did nothing wrong. in a place with strangers it's perfectly normal to be awkward. they're the ones who are supposed to start the conversation
but damn. you should make an anime about your sex life.
I know now I wasn't wrong, and she was cheating on me lol. I was just mad because she put forth no effort in the relationship yet continued to get mad at me for being "awkward" even though she knew I had never so much as kissed a girl before
Yeah, you guys are great at guaging awkwardness I'm sure.
>work in an office
>go to same sushi place every week same time
>sit in the same spot every time, eat same thing
>the staff are friendly enough, except for this one guy
>one week I'm on my way in
>maybe 2 feet from the door
>literally within arms reach
>this dude cuts in front of me, walks in and turns around to shut the door
>I stare at him from the other side of the door, can't meet his eyes
>haven't been back to that sushi place since
I can't walk past bus stops without smiling after seeing these images. I never really paid any attention to how far people distance themselves from others at bus stops, but now that I do, it always makes me laugh. Just yesterday I saw people distancing themselves from each other even more than in the pic. There were 2 metres between each person.
this aint r9k guys but holy fuck thanks for making me feel better about myself since ive never been THIS autistic