>be American >wake up caked in Cheetos grease and empty

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>be American
>wake up caked in Cheetos grease and empty shell casings
>shit pants
>get shot
>shit pants
>step outside
>get shot
>shit pants
>get in car
>drive 2 yards
>get shot
>shit pants
>car stops
>shit pants
>get shot
>car parked next to mine gets drone striked
>shit pants again
>every American suddenly starts clapping at the fact that a terrorist who hates our freedom died

Today
>get to work
>get shot
>shit pants
>work 19 hours
>get 4 American monies at the end of the day
>such patriot
>on way home
>get shot
>shit pants
>stop at McDonald's
>shit my pants and get shot in line
>waddle up to the counter
>order 400 mcquadruples with extra lard
>"that'll be 400000 freedom dollars us tip goyim" says the free and obese cashier through the ballistics glass
>pay her
>get burgers
>get shot and shit pants while eating burgers
>have heart attack from sheer amount of freedom on the premed is of this McDonald's at one time
>bald eagle carries me to the hospital
>get shot
>shit pants
>get in parking lot
>already accumulated a 400 quintillion dollar medical bill
>get shot
>shit pants
>die on the asphalt
>while saying the pledge of allegiance
>land uf da fre