ITT: the tl;dr versions of philosophers

>>681343

>Goedel: im in ur system killing ur axioms

Nietzsche
>fuck all of you, fuck everything

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>dude god lmao

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>hume

Derrida
>Has anyonereallybeen faras decided to use even go want to do look more like presence presenting origin as such?

>>681343

Toby Reynolds:

>You are GENETICALLY INFERIOR MALE. Stop trying.

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buddha
>fuck hedonism, materials and spiritual

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>>681343
"Everything i say is right"

Aristotle:
>my pants are literally fire

>>681513
This made me lol

>>681495
Schopenhauer
>fuck hedonism, materials, and phenomena

Plato

>muh forms

Can someone do Zizek, Sartre and Foucalt please?

>>681450

Is this some new meme? To pretend Eggman is some kind of philosopher instead of a youtube whiner?

Kant
Nothing is real, not even this post

>>681624
God is real. The free will is real. Souls are real. All this is essential to his philosophy.

Sartre:
>[Insert common sense]

>>681550
Zizek
>it's ideologoy

Foucault
>muh ῥίζωμα

I started to hate Sarte after reading Bourdieu so I don't know.

Bourdieu
>distinctions, motherfucking distinctions

>>681624
More like:
it's not possible to determine what's real through reason alone

REDDIT

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>>681421
underrated

Marx
>"You can't argue against me until you've read Kapital, and you can't argue against that until you've read all of Hegel. Stop being bourgeoisie, senpai!"

>>681550
Sartre

>Free will exists because I say so.

>>682215
Sartre
>"You can choose to be happy no matter what happens to you. Yes, even when you're being raped by lava dickwolves. You really only have yourself to blame for being unhappy. No, this isn't stoicism. Shut up."

>>681343
Let me fix one of yours.

Wittgenstein: We can only communicate logical and scientific concepts. Others are to be passed over, since we can't speak of the--whoops jk lmao lemme just try again

>>681399
ITT retards who have no idea of what Gödel did

>>681645
>>682711
>people aren't allowed to make jokes

>>682723
>Just pretending to be retarded
>"joke" literally makes no sense

Nietzsche:
>pussies

Stirner:
>spooks

Kant:
>literates

Heraclitus:
>Everything is so different again.

Socrates:
>How the fuck am I supposed to know?

Plato:
>What if like, you already know about cups, but like, not really the cups, just kind of an abstract cupness that all cups have? Then like, that's how we know about cups.

Aristotle:
>We should observe nature, and nature tells me women have less teeth than men.

Descartes:
>Thinking, therefore there is an object of me.

Locke:
>I have memories, therefore there is an object of me.

Berkeley:
>No matter.

Hume:
>Never mind.

Kant:
>The Earth may orbit our sun, but what if the sun orbited our reason?

Hegel:
>What if "we" is "I" and "I" is "we"?

Schopenhauer:
>Life sucks, and then you die.

Stirner:
>Why should I?

Marx:
>Ideally there would be only material things.

Nietzsche:
>You may have taken thought out of the church, but you haven't taken the church out of thought.

Wittgenstein:
>Did you ever consider that what you were saying?

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>Schopenhauer

JUST

ITT: people who don't know philosophy make blind jabs

>>682773
>Schopenhauer:
>>Life sucks, and then you die.
Nas confirmed for Schopenhauer influences.

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Epicurus:
GOOD TIMES

>>681450
Who the fuck is Toby Reynolds?

>>682837
correct some tl;dr's or stay sat on your high horse somewhere else

Epictetus: Don't worry, be happy

>>682950
This is the opposite of Epicurus... Epicurus was an ascetic.

>>681450
I wonder if he regrets making those edgy fatalistic videos now that he's chadmode with a cute gf

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>>682773
do me, probably the most famous philosopher of the 21st century

>>682208
it's bourgeois unless you're talking about the entire class

>>683013
>preserve simple pleasures and forget gross want
?

>>683013
I wouldn't say that's accurate. His highest good was pleasure. He just believed in a more reserved, contemplated pleasure.

Compare this to a monk who hates fun.

>>681343
Lao Tze:
>This shit isn't really shit, but why would you care ?

>>681550
>Foucault
You don't even know where you picked up that bullshit.

Chesterton
>Just pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth.

>>681416
>I suck at greek

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Nietzsche:
>*tip*

>>683037
>>683044
Pleasure to Epicurus was mostly not physical pleasure. Pleasure to him was discussing philosophy with his friends and being a virtuous person.

He would probably be extremely against drugs.

>>683030
>expand free market, stop hitting kids, remove government

>>683030
Stefan Molyneaux:
>Divorce your wife and give me money.

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Nietzsche
>I will

>>683144
lyl

>>683030
>NOT AN ARGUMENT

>>683121
I considere drugs a gross pleasure. Simple pleasure in my mind was food, friends, enjoying the moment, a beautiful view, ect. Maybe I should have specified what he liked specifically.

>>681632
>God is real.

>>683030
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Hrvza9FkM

>>682711

I've read Goedel cover to cover. This is a humour thread, you fucking autist.

Leibniz
>muh monads muhfuggah

Cynics:
>fuck the system

Gorgias
>isn't nuffin there, homes. Even if there wasn't nuffin, u can't kno nuffin. Even if you know sumfin, u can't talk about nuffin to nobody

>>683654
Really? You understand the incompleteness proofs fully?

>>684084

Yes.

It's like you're arrogant enough to believe you're the only person who's read Goedel or something.

>>684146
How long did it take to earn your PhD?

>>682773
not bad, my man

>>682773

>Everything is so different again.

Explain? What do you mean by "again"? Heraclitus did not believe in a cyclical nature, right? No deluge, apocalypse then rebirth, nothing like that.

Unless I'm missing something here.

>>681550
>Zizek
pure ideology *sniff* and so on and so forth *rubs nose while tugging on shirt*

>>684245

Bout tree fiddy

Confucius
>Don't be an ass to your parents or authorities senpai

>>681645
They're not all awful. Some of them are good.
>>681343
Jorge Luis Borges
>All is one and one is all

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Aristotle
>Semen is highly purified menstrual blood.

>>684667
Flux.

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>words are just tools so go be a leftist

Dostoyevsky
>GOD ISN'T REAL, ANYTHING GOES!

>>684705
>tfw he literally writes 'and so on' in his books all the time

>>684916

This is pretty accurate. All philosophy is about power therefore bourgeois liberalism is best. What a fat retard.

>>685169
Wot? Not even close.

>>685220
>>685220

That's literally what he said. Do you even Mirror of Nature nigger?

Parmenides:
>"Some people don't think it be the way it is but it do."
Empedocles:
>"Love and strife is a cosmic romance story."
Pythagoras:
>"Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more innocent souls you have unknowingly killed."
Iamblichus:
>"We must save paganism from the Christian hoardes."
Proclus:
>"Plato and Aristotle were polytheist."
Plotinus
>"As a sculptor chisels away at marble to reveal a beautiful form, so too must we subtract from ourselves to ascend to the one via contemplation."

>>685238
That's not what I took from it, but I'll look into it senpai.

>>681632

More like 'God, freedom, and the immortality of the soul are regulative ideas of reason, of which we can have no knowledge, but of which we must presuppose for the possibilities of an architectonic of science, morality, and the future perfectibility of mankind.'

>>685092
But Dostoevsky was a theist, no?

Confucius: Be nice and listen to your parents because everyone gets old.

>>681550
Sartre
>even serial rapists choose good

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Chill out.

>>683144
kek'd

Stirner
>you're out for yourself regardless, you might as well be aware of it

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>>682773
>The Earth may orbit our sun, but what if the sun orbited our reason?

we need Bakunin, Proudhon, Bauer, Feuerbach and Fichte

Camus
The universe is absurd, embrace at and you shall be happy

>>686890
Bakunin:
>Statist Communism? uwotm8?

Proudhon
>Muh property is theft

Feuerbach
>muh humanism

Marx
>muh exploitation
>muh labour theory of value
>muh inevitable crisis

>>681632
>Free will even exist

Beauvoir:
>woman are not men, and are not treated as men

>Camus
muh absurd
>Stirner
muh unique
muh spooks
muh egoist
>Marx
muh classes struggle
>Plato
muh ethics

>>683184
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I do like Stefan though.

>>685092
>implying

We are talking about Fyodor "THE RUSSIAN CHRIST WILL SAVE EUROPE" Dostoyevsky, right ?

ok

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Still missing a few.

>>689371
more like
>men act like dicks because of their dicks

Diogenes
>feet thread! :DDDDd

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>>689422
>I do like Stefan though

>>681639
>>muh ῥίζωμα
That's Deleuze

freud

>its because you want to fuck your mother and sister and kill your father

Schopenhauer:
>i know dat pussy looks sweet, but chasing skirt will leave you miserable