No pussy. No bare ass. No cocks. Maybe tits.
I'm not allowed to look at actual porn till tomorrow afternoon.
Not my main thing either, but do you realize that (even in 2016, even on 4chan) each person is different? With different tastes and aspirations?
Stop being obtuse, and your life will get a little better.
Webbum unrelated. Do not know source. Got it from /gif/.
Ok, the webbum I chose at random is actually related... Well. I'm awesome. But I have to go to work now. :/
Here's another one.
Well yes he actually is right. What is sexy about that, unless you are a nigger of course? It is in the racial nature of the negro to be attracted to animalistic behavior such as that, but we Europeans have far evolved past that, and to a European shaking ass is in no way attractive. It's just disgusting.
I love these as they unexpectedly serve several purposes - I get to look at smoking hot girls who look good in everything, admire all their contours from various angles, whilst learning that this is cheap-ass underwear with poor quality materials that will no doubt look bad on the majority of people. Thanks American Apparel for serving both my wallet and my boner.
omg anon I been hoping for this for months you goddamned beauty
>why is my gf trying to swirl my dick around in her pussy with her hips that is just disgusting! what's that? you were just trying to shake things up a little (literally)? NO STOP THAT WHORE RIGHT NOW
enjoy your prudish missionary sex senpai(family), really
If you must know.
I don't masturbate all week. Monday through Friday, I don't even glance at actual pornography. I'm only allowed to look at the softcore stuff. Girls sliding their panties around over their cunts. By the time Friday rolls around I'm desperately horny; I'm fucking salivating over joggers on street corners and high schoolers in parks. Running through massively elaborate fantasies all day with a desperate hard-on pressing against my desk.
Friday, after work, I head strait to the liquor store and get 1-2 bottles of something, usually whiskey. Once I get home it's time to crawl into my cave, get shit faced and beat my cock bloody for 48 hours.
I log off my computer's day-to-day user account and log into my "Test" account. The first session I sit on my bed and edge for about 3-5 hours. After a while my cock is bulging around the shaft, flushed dark red with blood and pulsating. My hand and the head both sticky and dripping with precum. Usually during this session I multitask, obsessively hoarding and organizing massive quantities of pornography.
The Test user account is a fucking wonderland of perversion, pic related. The desktop shuffles through a special folder I made containing 2,000 hand-picked, Hi-Res pics, a new one every 5 minutes. Terabytes of movies meticulously sorted into folders with sexy icons. iPhoto libraries packed with around five hundred thousand images, all of them quality shit, I'm very selective. I scour the internet for hours, covering my desktop in dozens and hundreds of newly downloaded videos and photos while continuing to edge my dick & get progressively more drunk. The first cum is just a warm up, to make it harder to cum the next few times.
The next fap, maybe an hour or two later is my favorite. By then it's usually like midnight and I'm completely shit faced. I break out my fleshlight. I boil water then pour it into a pitcher; Then throw in the fleshlight sleeve and my bottle of lube along with some heat packs. About 20-30 mins later the sleeve & oil are just above body temperature. Then I slather my cock in hot lube till it's dripping down my balls. Keep in mind that at this point I've just cum like an hour ago and I'm drunk. So even with this warm, wet, heavily lubricated, "Super-Ribbed©" texture "tight" graded fleshlight and my mountain of porn I can fap for like 2 hours.
At this point it's a fucking bonanza. I'll open up like 9 videos at once, pop in my headphones and go fucking nuts. I like the interactive DVDs, so I can go through all of the menu options in one big marathon fap. I get to this point where It's like a fapper's high: Where I can just slam the fleshlight violently up and down from head to balls for minutes at a time, I'm edging like this, but I'm fucking plastered and came an hour ago so I can make the edge last for like 5 minutes. It feels like I'm cumming for several minutes at a time; over and over again. If the selection of videos going is good enough, even after I finally cum, I'll just keep going. The fleshlight sloshing up and down on my dick. My cum thats still in there mixes with the lube and the warm water and turns into this kind of sea-foam looking shit that lathers up and foams in my pubic hair. That second fleshlight orgasm is the best fucking kind, it takes like 30-40 mins just to get my exhausted and almost painfully hyper-stimulated penis there. But when I finally manage to cum a second time, I swear to god I squirt for a full 30 seconds, it just keeps coming. I can almost HEAR the sound of my semen spurting out it's so violent. My whole body locks up, my eyes roll back and sometimes I'm so drunk I just black out on the spot.
The next morning, I usually wake up where I blacked out on my bed with my testicles covered in cum-foam. The lube sticks around on my dick, like a light glaze of it, stuff thats worked it's way into my skin's pores. Throughout Saturday I'll fap maybe 3-4 more times, more casually. I'm hungover, if I have any liquor left I finish it off and just stay in bed all day. Download more pornography, if anything catches my eye I jerk off with just my hand. By this point my cock is in this awesome state where it's all hyper sensitive and the skin is super soft and faintly slippery because of all the lube it's absorbed, perfect for a old fashioned bare handed jerk-off.
Sunday is nice too.
By sunday I'm usually pretty tuckered out. I'll maybe fap once or twice if I happen across something that really pushes my buttons. But my favorite part of sunday is cleaning out the fleshlight.
Theres something I find oddly therapeutic about ritualistically cleaning a fleshlight. First I take it out of the casing and rinse and dry the casing. I've bought this oil free (oil based soaps degrade fleshlight sleeves) acne cleanser face soap. It's intended for 16 year old girls to clean their faces with, so it smells like grapefruit. I work it into the fleshlight sleeve with my fingers, fill it with hot water, pinch it at both ends and massage it to get the lather into the Super-Ribbed texture. It's all got this very Japanese-sushi-chef/master-artisanal-craftsmen kinda feel to it: The hot water scalding my hands just slightly, the steam rising up into my face as I massage and gently but meticulously scrub the soft sleeve.
Then I get out the corn starch, corn starch rejuvenates fleshlight texture. Makes it feel like new and absorbs the water so the inside of the tube doesn't get moldy. I coat the basin of the sink with a small pile of the stuff and start kneading the sleeve into it like a baker working with a mound of dough. Then I place the powdered sleeve on a neatly folded towel while I clean the Corn Starch out of the basin and off my hands. Once everything is cleaned and dry, I gently brush the excess powder off the sleeve with my hands till nothings left but a fine film of white residue. I carefully slide the sleeve back into the casing and brush off the pussy lips lightly. Then I clean around the rim of the case with a towel and reseal it.
I love that part. It really is therapeutic to me somehow. Once it's cleaned with that fine white powdery residue makes it just a shade lighter pink and it smells just faintly like a 16 year old girls grapefruit-face. My balls have that satisfying ache in them because they're so thoroughly drained and the skin on my cock is soft and spongey. It's like everything in the world has been put in it's intended place.
Sunday night I lock the fleshlight back into it's box, log off of the Test account and restart the computer. Back into weekday mode for another 5 days of getting myself horny enough for another round.
That's why I cant look at porn.
Fucking poetry. I love it. Enjoy your weekend you crazy diamond.