Does /g/ ever get calls from "Microsoft" telling them to shut off their computer because they have a "virus"
One just called me and I told him off but on one hand I kinda wanted to follow his instructions just to see what would happen.
I did but as soon as I went there the site said I had a virus
>okay sir you must click the download now button and install the cleanpc4free.exe
okay but now it's asking for my IP address, full name, and home address
>yes yes sir you must enter it so Microsoft can know your account
Okay. Wait now it wants my credit card info, isn't this free
>yes but Microsoft has to know you have a valid computer to run the program
What does that have to do with my credit card
>do not worry about it sir Microsoft is a trustworthy company we won't share your information
W-well okay I guess...
I was telling him how Microsoft wouldn't know my phone number since I never gave them one and how it would be literally impossible to know what computer is downloading a virus since Microsoft isn't even a ISP let alone mine and that even if they were they wouldn't be able to tell since I'm using a VPN. After awhile the dude told me to shut up and said his job was to hack the computer and chuckled then told me bye and hung up.
EXCUSE ME SIR? I INVENT EMAIL AT 14 YEARS YOU FUCKING SON OF BITCH BASTARD
I got one of these calls and i played dumb, like not knowing how to turn on my computer and i couldn't understand him, so i got sent to their more american sounding Pajeet and i played dumb with him again then he started yelling and asked if i liked to have sex with my dad and then i said that is very unprofessional for a microsoft employee and he hung up.
Fuck you, we are using Arch linux, we are not illeterate
We have made our own linux distro:
We invented the most popular theme
Even antergos use our theme and now they are partners with us
After all the contributions we have made to the Human Race you'll have to LIVE WITH IT. I don't want to get into a racist battle with a dim wit ignorant like you.
Your top companies are headed by Indians. Soon you'll be cleaning shit of those Indians who will own the companies you work in. Till then you can call us what ever you want.
Cause inevitable doom awaits your supremacist illusions...
>get asked if my family uses the computer
>say I murdered them all
>"you murdered your family?"
>say typical edgy shit
>"...uh sir are you okay?"
I hung up and haven't gotten an indian call since.
>(actually they usually say "I'm calling you from Windows")
This is actually very smart. Because if anyone falls for THAT then they know that the person don't know shit. If they said they were calling from microsoft they would have to spend time with techies who waste their time instead of goin "lol, it's microsoft you poo in the loo nigger"
>I was telling him how Microsoft wouldn't know my phone number since I never gave them one
If you have Windows 10 then they know this.
> and how it would be literally impossible to know what computer is downloading a virus
Except that your computer informs microsoft servers every time you open a file and close a file. And what you download.
> and that even if they were they wouldn't be able to tell since I'm using a VPN.
How naive are you? ON WINDOWS? using a VPN or even Tor won't keep that away from microsoft. They have direct access to everything on your computer and everything you use your computer for. AND you did sign the terms and conditions stating that they are allowed to do that so they can collect your personal information.
>Soon you'll be cleaning shit of those Indians who will own the companies you work in.
I think they'll have to learn to POO IN LOO before that, so that they will be able to keep their job by at least not shitting on the company floor, as you describe. I understand it is an Indian sacred tradition to shit on the ground and live around it, but have some respect for us westerners.
>We invented the most popular theme
Prettiest icons on the internet. I don't want to use it because everyone uses it. But it is difficult to find anything better.
i am indian and let me tell you, being indian is actually a great thing. we have beautiful people and we have ugly people. just like any race. I for 1 am a great person, have great friends, and i take care of every one that is in my life and i am glad to do it, and for that i have people that love me around me. also, indian parents are one of the best parents you can have. sometimes they can be really strict, but they will take care of you no matter what, and they will buy you what ever it is that you need. as long as your not a selfish ****head. Also, we all have great jobs, lots of money and a family that we all love and take care off. suck my dick op suck my dick.
>Work tech support
>first thing every person says: "thank god i'm not speaking to a ukranian"
Honestly if you buy a company that has an indian based tech support you're fucking yourself over. Don't expect the slightest bit of help if you're fucked.
>Frequently get calls from indian Amazon tech support staff with a customer on the line
>99% of time refers to a free video game promo
>Every single game promo that comes out, the code distribution is done by retailer (i.e. Amazon)
>Amazon employees either flat out refuse to believe or tell me to get a code anyways
>Read the terms and conditions from Amazon
>they either flat out refuse to believe or ask me who in their company I can direct them to
>i tell them to go find out for themselves, that's not my job
>Get calls from indian Microsoft support staff
>They say there's a problem with Windows and their product (one of ours)
>ask them what they've already done to narrow down troubleshooting
>updated windows, refreshed browser cookies, run a filesystem check, BIOS update
>usually the problem is the customer didn't install drivers
>get calls from indian NVIDIA support staff
>they usually say our graphics card is defective because the fan won't turn on
>customer contacted NVIDIA first rather than us for some reason
>me: "uhh sir, the fans don't turn on at idle. if you have the customer run a video game, do the fans turn on?"
>me: "the card should be working properly then.
>are you 100% sure?
>guy hangs up
>get call from microsoft employee
>guy transfers over the customer
>helping out customer, halfway through he completely starts ripping on the microsoft tech saying he has no clue what the fuck he's doing, hard to hear, can barely speak english
>apparently microsoft tech was still on the line and started getting upset
>listening to these two duke it out, i turn off my mic and start laughing
It all depends. I've worked for roughly 3 years at my current work, and I telecommute so the work is really easy and I get to do whatever I want when I'm not working. I've worked for a lot of different companies, so if you're interested in the job here's my advice:
Never work for a company you would hate to have to get support from. Tech support is a customer service job, so your job highly depends on things like RMA policy and warranty. I love my job since our RMA department has a few tricks up their sleeves to get things out to people as fast as they can. If you can't stick by your company policy, don't work for it. Try imagining working for AT&T or Comcast.
Being polite makes your job easier and a customer more cooperative. People may think they know more than you and might be willing to believe that they have better ideas than you do, so if you act rude they'll probably be unwilling to listen to your advice.
If it's between extensive troubleshooting and just getting the guy off the line by setting up an RMA, always opt for troubleshooting. It doesn't hurt to find out more about the problem and often more digging results in finding out that the problem isn't what you thought it was. And, talking to someone who gets back a replacement product that has the same issue isn't fun for anyone.
Don't pity your customers. Be polite, but don't feel responsible. Had a guy whose motherboard went out and took his hard drive with it. Lost all of his data. Was it our fault his hard drive died? Yes. Was it our fault his data got lost? No, it's his fault for not making backups.
If you don't know how to tell people no, it isn't the job for you. Sometimes the best you can offer isn't enough, and customers might (reasonably) expect things that you can't do. Tell them what's the best you can offer for them, apologize for the inconvenience, and see if they'll go for it. If not, just let your managers deal with it.
It's pronounced "Ban chode" with an American accent. They"ll lose their shit, I once had to translate for a guy that chopped his friend in pieces, because he called him a bheinchode, judge just laughed and said "so what, it's just a swear word"
>live in germany
>8:30 in the morning
>"Hello Sir, this is Microsoft security calling. We detected a Problem occuring with your PC. There is a virus on it. They can See your facebook, your twitter, your emails and your other social media"
>i tell him to shut up and stop scamming me, then i Hang up the phone
>he calls again
>"Sorry, the connection was interrupted ..."
>i hang up again
>he calls again
>"There was again a Problem with the connection, Sir!"
>im already up, making some breakfast and getting some coffee
>im premium pissed because it was fucking saturday and I wanted to sleep
>he calls again
>i unplug my phone entirely
Fucking afghan Microsoft shitscam ruined my saturday!
>Implying I am not a student studying in Melbourne
>Hello sir I'm calling from Microsoft
>We hab detected that your computer has a virus that is very dangerous
>I will help you remove it
>First I need to know what version of windows you are running
but if you're from Microsoft shouldn't you already know
>Yes sir but we need to verify
Hahaha, My wife's grandmother fell for one of those popup things. I got the number, called it and played along for a while, and then told that curry nigger the fuck off. Great times were had.
Im working as a shitty att dsl support guy on phone
today i was called by an old nigger who was supposedly called by us(att) because he had a virus so that he had to pay 249$ for a 3 year subsciption for some "3 layers of protection firewall"
and just asked me if it was a scam, wish i could've said it was legit
>The Times of India reports that Rajrani Gaud from Madhya Pradesh suffered a severe shoulder injury when she was hit by a football-sized chunk of shit last month.
>Football sized chunk of shit
>From the sky
My sides, how fitting
another call a few moments earlier (had a bunch of weird calls in the first 2 shift hours)
old nigger has an inactive account and does not want our services
>demand that i send him a tech to take it out of his home
>"its too hard"
>nigger goes berserk, "you motherfuckers brought this shit to my house....... "
one old hag got mad because we couldnt help when she couldnt see letters on a screen or labels, was tired and wasnt even a client of ours
>Staying with grandfather for summer
>He answers phone
>"Hello sir, I am Microsoft Security Ag-"
>Can't deal with Indian
>Gives me phone
>"Hello sir, welcome to Microsoft security agency, You having virus now in your PC"
"Are you sure? what kind of PC do I have?"
>"Um, Windows PC sir?"
"Okay what's the problem"
>Tells me to go through some registries, bullshitting until he wants me to give up my IP or something
>Start fucking with him
"Oh, wait. My mouse isn't working"
>"Okay sir, is it plugged in the back?
"No no, it's a laptop"
>"Okay sir, is it plugged in?"
"No, it's the touch-thingy"
>Start blaming him for "Hacking" my laptop
>"no no sir, I am Microsoft Security"
>Grandfather suggests saying we're tracing the call
"I don't trust you anymore, My friend here is gonna trace the call, he's IT"
>"You cannot trace this calling sir!"
>"Because I am hacker! I hack you sir!"
>"Shove your laptop up your ass!"
>Never got another call
used to get these often because no caller ID
>sir this is Microsoft calling to say there is a problem with your computer
>explain to him yes I know my windows is corrupted
>I am holding the ssd in my hands
>he doesn't get that my computer actually is broken
>trys to get me to poointheloo.exe.com
>tell him I can't because my computer is in pieces and im trying to recover files
>ban chode Qutub still doesn't get it
>I hang up on him
>calls back saying call was dropped
>tell him no I hung up on you and hang up again
he hung up, it was only a 1min phone call
>a different time I told him I was running linux and they just hung up on me
I'd love to set up a ddos on these kinda things and keep calling and saying things like "it seems like your servers are having issues, we can help you fix that with network protection for a year at ing 350 dollar a year!"
I just tell them all my computers are macs and I don't use my house's windows to browse the internet (dafuq lol?)
Oh come now, indians aren't too bad if you know how to work them properly. Address them in the Queen's English and call them sir or madam. Show respect for their technical expertise even though you know it's all bollocks. No undue praise, just be courteous and build some manner of relation with the Ranjeep of the day.
I work with bank processing and indian mainframe operators don't know their arses form their terminals. However, when you call back for the third time in two hours, specifically requesting "Mr. Vishnagar", he will gladly modify today's batch runs to suit your liking. Which is shit for other customers, but I digress.
Colonisation still runs deep in the indian mindset, may as well use it to your advantage.
Americans on the other hand....
>head of department please
Once you get to someone allowed to make a decision, the problem has usually resolved itself.
>this literally happened when I was staying at my grandmas for the summer
>she blamed it on me
>she unplugged the router at night so her internet didn't get anymore viruses
old people shouldn't be allowed to use technology
EA customer support sent me a link to a PowerPoint presentation for directx on Microsoft's website. It took them another half an hour to finally find an actual installer... For directx 9. I gave up and decided not to play vidya for about a month.
Wasn't even directx that was broken, it was sound drivers.
steal important documents, break things, lie to your face, insult your intelligence and charge a fee for shit that doesn't work.
standard day at the office.
Use a virtual machine on fullscreen if you absolutely insist and splice in some of the most dosgusting porn you can harvest, put it in documents, mislabeled photoes etc etc and infest every other file with malware.
Yes Pajeet always calls to tell me I have a virus on a Windows machine which I do not have. I really want to play along and see where he leads me, but the urge to tell them to fuck off is too great.
Im a L3 analyst for file server software that Microsoft and Nvidia uses.
80% of the people from Microsoft are dumb as bricks. Makes me wonder how they got their job and how much they are being paid.
Its not just the teams from India (asking to "do the needful on highest priority " in every email).
Even the American team is questionable.
One guy I worked with didn't even know how to access hidden folders (program data location).
Microsoft team typical has us do stuff their their own team should be responsible for (troubleshooting/isolating unstable transfers due to unreliable/congested network) because their own internal teams aren't good enough OR the resource request/red tape to have one of their better people look at it would take too long.
Nvidia internal team is not so bad.
I got a call from a "Microsoft representative" once
>Tells me that my PC has a virus
>Tells me that i need to open command line to fix it.
>Tells me like I'm an autistic man child who doesn't know what a command line is.
>For a joke I proceeded
>Gets me to type a command shows the product key.
>Asks me to read it out to him.
>I tell him no and start asking for his information to scare him.
>After messing with him for 5 minutes he hangs up.
Quite a few customers in Scotland that we work with.
Out of curiosity, what are the quirks of working with American based techs/analysts, specifically Texas?
This way, I can play out the stereotype extra hard in my future sessions.
They're indian scammers. Filthy subhuman curryniggers.
> Scamming the Scammers - How to Handle Fake Tech Support Calls
> ScamBait 2015-09-10: Tech support scammer tries to encrypt my SAM database
> Cold Cold Scammers Still in Action (and this one is a bit cranky...)
These videos are 8/8 kek-worthy though :^)