Let's pretend to be in a startup company.

i quit, boss

let's do another kickstarter so the goyim can give us free capital

only if i get to use the latest hipster language/framework of the week that'll lose all backwards compatibility in the very next version

Kickstarterm greatest mmo game ever like wow but with better graphics but everything is like old wow and like titan

No but seriously, this thread, to what end?

I'm a faggot

>>45105155
Hey boss? Why did we buy macs? Now we don't have any money to spend on proprietary software.

Are we confident that our idea will disappoint our customers?

LETS STICK IN THERE UNTIL FACEBOOK OR GOOGLE BUY US!

>imacs
Check
>leather couch
Check
>ikea desks
Check
>exercise ball
Check

All right fellas, let's get to "work"

>>45105218
Becuase Macs don't get viruses

Can we get a Kuering machine in the break room, boss?

What ever happened to that intern?

Can we get a new coach in our breakroom, boss?

Man, replying to all these emails is tedious!

Hey, how come Joe gets a new desk?

>>45105225
I'll get the lube

>>45105155
Things arent looking too good business-wise. We need to hire more disabled women of color

>>45105227
Yeah macs are really cool, it's too bad I can't seem to open backdoor_sluts.exe on this machine.

have we packed our bags yet so we can flee to the bahamas with all the money we made our investors give us?

>>45105155

I know I'm just the account manager but a potential sale just said that they're interested in our product with a few changes.

- They want the release files as a pdf
- They want a method of performing any np complete function in constant time
- They want the interface to have more 'pop'

That should be doable right?

So it's decided. We're going to use Java.

>>45105155

I don't understand is Apple giving discounts to businesses or these people just retarded?

Haha hey dudes I'm Chris's son so I guess that makes me your boss lol

Any of you guys think you could teach me to program? I wanna make an iphone app lol

Boss our website isnt using bootstrap with paralax, we need to stand out from the others

File: 1364887067627.png (5KB, 416x416px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 416x416px

Hey boss this standing desk doesn't work.

>>45105254
Retarded.

Especially with the imacs. The worst from a laptop with the worst of a desktop.

Clearly we need to use Javascript technologies to power our amazing product, all the big startups use Javascript so we should too. It will increase our chance of getting bought by a big company.

>>45105254
>being in the Gay Area
>not using macs everywhere at your YC-funded startup
i'm surprised they all don't have MBPrs.

>>45105249
>Java

Nice joke bro! That shit's for fucking dinosaurs though. We're all rockstars here, and rockstar programmers write in RUBY, the language of the fucking future.

Ruby was created in Japan and has been folded over a thousand times, no gaijin language like Java can stand up to it.

>>45105303
But can we use javascript to make cool apps John?

>>45105210
lets suck each other's dicks in the conference room

File: senior-dev.jpg (44KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 480x360px

senior software engineer

>>45105312
>not writing your web apps on the MEAN stack for maximum scalability with a jquery+ajax frontend

how else would we handle the big data before we pivot?

Hey Jake, good thing you and Schlomo had this great idea and got me on board. With my expertise, we will make this stuff work in no time! Hey Schlomo, remember me? We used to work together at Napster and eHarmony.
Yea yea remember Guiseppe? Man, what a riot he was, always down for some shit, and I meant SHIT by that. Hah wow!
Remember this time when he took a dump so big we had to call the plumbers over? Man, the toilet wasnt useable for days after that still.
Golly gee, look at the time. Guess its time to go home. what a productive workday that was. see you tomorrow!

>>45105332
Sean! Dan is using big words again, that's three strikes now. He has to sit out.

Guys, guys, stop bitching about tabs. I'll program how I want, and you can program how you want.

>>45105332
but is it web scale?

>>45105225
what's wrong with ikea desks?

>>45105155
I think we should invest in beanbag chairs.

Lunch in 20? Nah, just release the patch now and we'll go early.

We need a good flash-based website with mystery meat navigation.

So hey boss, i now times are hard, but can you at least pay one months paycheck.
This is like the third month now.
I need to pay rent and buying a iphone every year is kind of expensive.
Also my weed dealer will stab me for not paying.

File: 1415121074332.jpg (107KB, 640x893px) Image search: [Google]

107KB, 640x893px

What are we gonna call this thing anyway? My vote is to drop a vowel. It's funky fresh that way, my dudes and bros. What about Jackr? Or "fgt" all lower case like how teens type.

File: everywebdevever.jpg (93KB, 400x300px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 400x300px

>>45105155

So were using a Nods.js backbone with an Ember.js main tier with some Backbone.js for 'pop' and an Angular.js based model, the hard stuff will be done using Agility.js and Sammy.js with some extra code in Knockout.js and soma.js.

No we aren't "just using C++", what the fuck are you? A dinosaur?

>>45105341
It's more than web scale. It's lean. It's disruptive. This is a game changer.

Man I just pulled an all nighter, but you gotta do what you've got to do huh! I just finished porting all of our previous Java code to Haskell, did anyone get my email? I managed to break subversion too? But no matter right we're haskeller's now!

File: cto.jpg (44KB, 460x276px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 460x276px

it compiles to javascript

>>45105359
na nigga we the 'ly' at the end

>>45105370
>subversion
>at a startup

Get a load of this dinosaur. We're all about the Github here, buddy.

>>45105346
man am i glad our employees get a hard one from these basic offices

atleast no herman miller chairs

>>45105374
everything can compile to javascript, I don't get your post

https://github.com/jashkenas/coffeescript/wiki/list-of-languages-that-compile-to-js

>>45105377
ly is so 2012. We're all about the .io.

>>45105359

reminds me of the time we had a spa party got 6 guys in but some fucker left the door open and all these random people came in.

We were stuck in the spa while being ridiculed and getting snappies taken of us. We were drunk and helpless.

Somebody even peed in the spa.

File: 20090417after.gif (14KB, 296x288px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 296x288px

Hey guys, I brought my pet cats; hope you don't mind. Oh Mr Whiskers~, you're not allowed to poop on the rug here. Anyone got a plastic baggie?

We have created a new position Foundevops. You are the founder, dev and ops and will be paid $10/hr with promises of stock options if we don't get sued out of existence by Ballmer.

>>45105393
anlr.io

>>45105366
Let's get down to the meat and potatoes and use that a springboard to launch into vestment opportunities and expand our brand image as the frontline digital app cloud entropical think-tank. My cous8n is an ideas guy.

>>45105409
anal.io

>so uh boss, the game is flying out of the door and its not even done
>and whe did a lot of work on it too
>in fucking java
>can we at least gave a bit of all that money?
>huh, you are leaving us?
>what, you are selling the company
>what about us?
>these guys will take everything and fire us?

you now who i'm talking about.

File: jigglypuff laughing.png (53KB, 398x399px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 398x399px

>>45105310
>has been folded over a thousand times, no gaijin language like Java can stand up to it.

dude let's get a pool table and ball bit wouldn't that be hilarious xD

>>45105236
Underrated post.

File: neverMindTheJavaScript.jpg (305KB, 600x400px) Image search: [Google]

305KB, 600x400px

This isn't a 'development studio' you fucking pleb, this is a gallery and my Ruby.js functions are the exhibits. We don't have a hierarchical structure or any rules - we prefer to let workers just be creative, ya know?

This isn't a smoking area its a 'creative cloud thinking space'
This isn't sublime text, this is my 'canvas'
This isn't a generic social media campaign, this is a genuine call for the passionate amongst us to 'join our cause'
This isn't bad code, its 'dynamic and unique'


We don't need agile or any of that shit, we just have daily 'bonding sessions ' within the 'idea void' (carpark). If you can'r write a song about it, it isn't worth coding.

>>45105432
you only have yourself to blame for giving that fat tard your money

I think I'll step down from my software development position. We need a bigger picture kind of guy, you know like Steve Jobs and I think I'd do well in such a position given my experience at a multitude of previous startups. Anyways have you seen the movie about Steve Jobs, amazing right?

Weed is allowed to be smoked in the office because. Aren't I so cool and progressive?

>>45105462

He's a real inspiration.

>>45105455
The joke is on you, i never payed for it and left it alone after the whole piston bullshit.

File: AnitaSarkeesian.jpg (663KB, 1600x1060px) Image search: [Google]

663KB, 1600x1060px

Hey everyone, please welcome our new Diversity Officer, Anita Sarkeesian! Now I know I said that we were going to keep the newest Zelda strictly canon, but I think we can really make a difference here.

Anita is going to help us make some changes to better represent African and Womyns cultures in the newest Zelda. If this works out, Nintendo says we'll get the rights to the next Smash Bros. too! Konami had some interest in having us work on the next Metal Gear Solid too so make sure you do your best!

File: 84263587.jpg (40KB, 550x513px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 550x513px

>>45105155
Shitter's clogged.

File: Office%2BSpace_Lumberg.jpg (21KB, 252x264px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 252x264px

I'm going to need you to come in Saturday for a couple of hours to mop the floors as part as our new Dev/Ops/Janitor position. Yeah also I'm going to need you on Sunday, so if you could come in to file some TPS reports for second round investors that'd be greeeeaaat

>>45105155
Uh no! Nerf war!

>>45105478
Why is she so unattractive?

>>45105483
Call the sanitary engineer

File: 20130831_150823.jpg (330KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

330KB, 2048x1536px

>>45105364
This post physically hurt me.

I am slain.

>>45105478
I'm curious as to what would be a sjw friendly video game

come work for us! we have fun! nerf guns! a beer for working past 6pm! ninjas and rockstars! an open office layout in a drafty loft! we're so zany.

File: it's_mr_pants.jpg (16KB, 404x398px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 404x398px

>>45105487
Alright boss, but just so you know, I don't wear pants on weekends.

>>45105478
OK, you win, stop the thread.

>>45105497

nothing because everything is offensive and triggering.

that's why they can't make games.

>>45105489
Because she's a j-o-o.

File: 1415081380710.jpg (416KB, 994x664px) Image search: [Google]

416KB, 994x664px

we're going to be the next Facebook, boys. can't pay any of you yet until we start turning a profit (times are tough!), but this is going to look great in your portfolio, and there's pizza on Fridays!

>>45105488
Tyrone, I know that you're here to meet our diversity quota, and I don't expect anything from you, but could you please try not to distract others?

>>45105453

kek

File: shitster.jpg (163KB, 768x1024px) Image search: [Google]

163KB, 768x1024px

So imagine Google but with more of an emphasis on the 'Camden dance scene'.

Man when we release our game, we'll make enough to buy a big office, and bikes to from our offices to the cafeteria, woah dude. I'll miss playing hearthstone and eating pizza at my desk with all of you though.

nested ternary operators are elegant

Hey guys I'm gonna buy some coffees
What do you want?
Large, GNU expresso, Linusccino?

>>45105393
fgtly.io

"Hello, fellow recent college grad who was too shit to get a real job. Let's make some shit-tier programs that won't make enough money and force us to close shop within a year."

File: shitshet2.jpg (106KB, 457x640px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 457x640px

So imagine Amazon but with more of an emphasis on indigenous African artwork.

anyone got a magsafe 1 charger?

>>45105561
Oh you! Get back to your Steve Jobs, ho ho ho

File: 1378033157144.jpg (371KB, 972x1077px) Image search: [Google]

371KB, 972x1077px

>OH SHIT
>I mean hi boss!
>No sir! That wasn't loli porn! It was, uh, uh...
>*quick photoshop*
>a subway ad! See? See?

>please dont fire me

File: ironkey_3[1].jpg (23KB, 450x358px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 450x358px

Hey guys, I got the code I forked from my friend at Google on this dongle.

>>45105541
I know a guy who just punches these kind of people in the face, i think a hipster rapped his mom, but i'm too afraid to say that to him.

>>45105561
Sorry, but we need to stay away from all GNU product licensing so Facebook buys us out. I'll take an ApacheCafe and our new manager in charge of synergies and branding will take an Angular half-decaf with soy.

>>45105602
Source.

File: nigster.jpg (76KB, 630x638px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 630x638px

So imagine twitter but the racially disadvantaged automatically get more retweets because they have a message that needs to be spread

>>45105575
>come back from lunch
>co-workhipster has opened window and is hanging out of it with really big handmade sign that says "FUCK THE MAN, LOVE EVERY1, etc"
>has donation fedora on the sidewalk
>shit in it
>come back upstairs and try to go into office
>bunch of different people
>"I'm sorry sir this office has been vacant for 15 years"

>>45105602
you were just looking for a reason to post that image weren't you?

>>45105621
i honestly wouldn't be surprised if someone has/will try this

So, you can't tell this to anyone.
But I hooked up with Anita last night and I don't
know how I really feel about her..

>>45105632
I like to imagine that's why the picture got made.

Hey, dude! Thanks so much for replacing my chair. That black leather one was so... 'executive', y'know? I didn't feel like a part of the team in that thing, it was sapping my creative energy. This obnoxiously loud, flamboyantly bright green bean bag is perfect. I feel so down to Earth in it. Heh, heh, check this out!

*Kicks hacky sack at colleague*
*Begins hacky sack tournament with everyone in a 40 ft distance*

Heh, I told you, bro, getting a massive office that's just a single room in a re-purposed warehouse with bare walls and no proper heating was such an ill idea. It makes us designers feel free to express ourselves, you know? Anyways, I've been in the office foooreeeeverrr, I clocked in like an hour ago. Me and everyone from accounting are gonna go smoke a spliff in Mark's new studio and we'll all gonna take turns finishing on Jill's tits. Take it easy, broski.

*Throws Starbucks cup into trash can and puts 50 cents into the environmental harm jar and leaves*

>>45105664
fuck, my sides couldn't handle this one

>>45105659
he better do everything she says or she'll withdraw her consent and get you for rape

>good god i wish i was making this up

File: morehipsterbullshit.jpg (41KB, 620x350px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 620x350px

So imagine Stack overflow, but like, people could ask questions about life and stuff, and ... you guys, like, people with, like, 'world experience' and an 'organic sense of self fulfillment' could answer them and like, help these people and stuff.

>>45105607
must've been some shitty rhymes

how do hipsters get jobs
where do they get their money

File: Screenshot form g.png (126KB, 213x347px) Image search: [Google]

126KB, 213x347px

why the mickey mouse ears

>>45105678
Thanks, bro. You fags may like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9HWjyrl530

File: whyyy.jpg (12KB, 190x171px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 190x171px

>>45105697

kekkles

>>45105602
Source? I can't find it in my 137G stash of loli fast enough.

>>45105700
I thought it was like a really big yamaka

>>45105700
Because it's random and ironic, that's all you need to know.

>>45105698
they all become "social media brand management" and sit on twitter all day shilling some shitty product

File: ilikewhatisee.jpg (277KB, 737x1080px) Image search: [Google]

277KB, 737x1080px

>>45105478
I don't know how to pronounce your name. Can I just call you Lisa Funbags?

>>45105698
trust funds

>>45105707
>not recognizing inuboshi on sight

Fucking pleb.

We need to pivot and create a new minimum viable product ASAP, we're not disruptive enough in this market.

Some faggot is probably monitoring this thread for ideas to do a kickstarter.

File: a-origem-da-palavra-nerd-4.jpg (144KB, 676x1000px) Image search: [Google]

144KB, 676x1000px

all that <code>ing is making me thirsty! what do you say we go grab some craft beers, gentlemen? everyone knows buzzed coding is best coding.

>2014
>not coding drunk
>omg beer o clock
>fetch me another pint
>lol im such a beer nerd

FUCK YOU
STOP CALLING ME FOR STUPID SHIT THAT YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN
I WROTE THAT GODDAMN PASSWORD 18 FUCKING TIMES ON YOUR DESK
JOHN KNOWS HOW TO DO THE FUCKING VIDEOS
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I TELL HIM HOW TO DO HIS JOB
I DON'T WORK FOR YOU
I TOLD YOU I WAS DONE BACK IN MAY
STOP COMING TO ME FOR YOUR STUPID COMPUTER BULLSHIT

File: whoisthisprick.jpg (8KB, 284x177px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 284x177px

I know that this sounds weird, but like, we discussed already that 57mb of JavaScript was too much for a 'user interface experience', but I feel as though getting my iPhone to download that much data, like, gave me a sense that i was getting something special.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE

JAKE RAIDED THE BOOOZE FRIIIDGE AGAAAIIINNNN

AAYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>45105722
Once I didn't sleep for 96 hours, since then my memory has been nearly non-existent, especially visual memory.

Also thank you.

Come back from lunch and the door is locked with an eviction notice from the building management.

Guys, guys, let's just calm down and let's think on an idea.

Coffeescript, ember, mongodb, node.js. Do I even have to say more?

>>45105664
I actually know people like this in NYC. I know a Jill who hangs with them too

>>45105395
>being this much of a horrible beta
toppy kekky

>>45105748
I once worked in a call centre before regressing into being NEET again. Lots of people like this. The worst part is going to take a piss and seeing people come out of the bathroom stalls and walk straight out... I had to share headsets and keyboards with them.

Oh, and socks-off feet-up-on-the-table smoking an e-cig while on the phone. Fuck, it was a shithole.

>>45105664
>*Throws Starbucks cup into trash can and puts 50 cents into the environmental harm jar

I'm dead

File: 1363029509405.gif (1MB, 200x163px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 200x163px

>mfw I go to the bathroom

Hey Ahmed take a look at this application.
His name is Mike Zuckerberg dude, I'm not making
this up! That's like a sign maan.
Anita watched the social network and got this brilliant idea from it
of having a code, party! That'd be awesome right?

Alright bro, we have a BYOC policy here, so bring your macbook in tommorow and I'll hook you up with our dev environment.

>>45105453
>This isn't a 'development studio' you fucking pleb, this is a gallery and my Ruby.js functions are the exhibits.
Fuck I think I'll buy hipster glasses and actually do this, it might sell

>>45105805
>"I don't have a macbook"
>15 seconds of pure silence
>instantly shits himself and begins shuffling away using only feet to walk, shouting "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY..."

I spent a day at my BiL's hospital monitoring software startup.
They played foosball and cursed like truckers the entire time.
0/10 would not contract.

>>45105805
>i bring in my HP entertainment laptep
>it has all the shit I need to continue working
Fuck. You.
>I really have a Mac Mini in my messenger bag for shits and giggles

>>45105745

*shoots you with nerf gun* ha ha, take that!

>>45105310
Get the fuck outta here you old fart, now it's Node now.

>>45105875
Oh no you didn't! Looks like this guy is asking for a nerf war!!!

>>45105225
>ikea office chairs
>ikea lounge chairs
>ikea coffee table
>ikea couch
>ikea desk
I'm 90% sure this is literally from an Ikea catalog

>>45105238
>women

File: simons_graphs_01.gif (15KB, 342x160px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 342x160px

>I know this guy called David who will do us a logo and some pie charts for free

>>45105364
Node isn't hip in SV or SF anymore. All the cool people hate node now.

Most of the dumbest hipsters have moved on to Go, Haskell and Rust.

File: ouya.jpg (104KB, 1000x543px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 1000x543px

>>45105745
Let's make a completely non-portable phone without half the functionality!

>>45105936

underrated post

>>45105378
Dude it's retro!

>>45105936

Good. We may actually get some worthwhile projects that don't suck.

>>45105364
> *.js

Hoooooo! Amateur! Non-Free!
Harmful! Bloat!

File: 1410714410477.jpg (45KB, 645x773px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 645x773px

>>45105936
>tfw legitimately like Go but can't discuss it on /g/ without being called a startup hipster, a google shill or both

>Working at a tech startup
Hey dave, I hooked up the dynamic bootquery Javastrap node.js backend to our SCSS-based declerative javascript UI framework and then ran the build process for some reason. I'd like to take some time to update my blog and look cool. Can you lend me your iPhone? I need to check the breakpoints but I bent mine.

>Working at a normal company
Hey dave, could you please make this <incredibly complex piece of software> in excel? The data you're looking for should be in our access database. If you need access to the documentation then there's a word file on our network share, but be careful! Only one person can open it at a time [no seriously this is what working with office is like].

I am more inclined towards one of these things and I will let you know which one.

>>45105940

>Let's make a completely non-portable phone with half the functionality!

I'm a blue sky positive kinda guy

Resume.docx is always open.

>>45105961
I know that feel

>>45105936
;_;

>>45105962

the struggle is real.

>>45105225
>2014
>not getting a backroom casting couch
>pleb

Your all so cool in this thread hating on web devs, at least we actually make stuff people care about

File: rust.png (5KB, 256x256px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 256x256px

>>45105936
in 10 years we will all be using Rust

>>45105936

The kingdom of Haskell is for clever people only. That's why code quality tends to be high.

>>45105996
they're not hating on all web devs, just the ones dumb enough to buy into shit like node.js

>>45106006
Tell that straight, the ones as dumb as him.

>>45105996
Don't you have some coffeescript to lint or something

>>45106020
i literally did not know what coffeescript was until 5 seconds ago and I can't stop laughing
why
why does anyone need this shit

check out these new memes I saw on reddit bro

File: 1415548266529.gif (2MB, 516x283px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 516x283px

>>45105961
I know that feel.

>you want to program in LISSSSSSP??!!!!!!

File: image.jpg (14KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 225x225px

>tfw you get really baked and buy a 60 dollar .io domain for your imaginary start up then wake up in the morning like whaaat

Forty one keks

Gf was mad as hell tho

>>45105996
No fear made shirts that were relevant in the 90s just as
webdevs make stuff that is relevant for a few years.

>>45105957
Doubt it.

>>45106003
99% of Hackage says otherwise.

>>45106045
Would you rather have some TypeScript?

>>45106113
What did you expect from somewhere called HACKAGE?

>>45105961
Go does suck, but I understand why people use it. It has a decent standard library, is pretty quick to program in, and is really, really fast compared to almost all the alternatives.

>>45105912
I like their Poang lounge chairs. Fight me.

>>45105364
One day we'll execute JavaScript natively and computers will think like we do.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK WITHOUT A GOD DAMN PING PONG TABLE

>i think that there needs to be more women in tech where is the local strip bar we need new employees who cares about their qualifications we want to appear progressive!!

File: UaCeUQI.gif (2MB, 450x297px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 450x297px

>>45106187

>>45106129
yes please!

[spoiler]at the very least the syntax doesn't remind me of visual basic[/spoiler]

>>45106224
How about some Haskell in the browser (Fay)?

I personally use Ruby for frontend development.

File: Race Track.webm (3MB, 960x540px)

3MB, 960x540px

>>45105745
Lets set fire to the Reichstag.
Lets invade Poland.
Lets play.

>>45106273
>How about some Haskell in the browser (Fay)?
Fay is pretty great as long as your goal is producing an extremely slow piece of shit and/or stress testing the browsers Javascript garbage collector.

File: maddox_offended_jets_sm.gif (52KB, 200x211px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 200x211px

>>45106299

>>45106167
roommate has one and I've yet to try it because I'm afraid I'll break it

>>45105894
THE NODE NODES

>>45105747

how about 800k at 2MM pre with 2x liquidation prefs? i'll send a termsheet, give me your kik

>>45105335
>Guiseppe
i always wondered, how the fuck is this pronounced?

vc here... tell me about your model

this is a favor and i don't have much time so let's make it quick

>>45105155
I'll do the logo

>>45105432
i don't actually
pls tell

>>45106634
jew-sehp-pay

>>45105894
It just occurred to me that the reason node.js is such a hipster thing is because all the people using it are too young to remember when JS wasn't cool.

>>45105996
when you get down to it people care more about the computers that make their bank machines work than they do about the latest clickbait TEN DICKS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SUCK articles.

for now, anyway.

>>45105430
crnhl.io

>>45105770
>Oh, and socks-off feet-up-on-the-table smoking an e-cig while on the phone.
I'd work at that call center.

>Hey guys! CFO here. I don't know my ass from my elbow, but I'm going to go have a $400 dinner and drinks with some hot shot public accounting firm who is going to turn our dog-shit financial statements into something that actually makes sense.


..the next morning
>CFO here again! The accounting firm agreed to do our work for a reduced rate, they are such bros. One of their tax guys suggested we should all increase the amount of stock options to upper management. Oh yeah, since we have been bleeding money for the past 24 months, we probably won't have to pay taxes for another 3 years at least.

Hey Entrepreneurs! Our shipment of entirely non superfluous Hawaii Chairs have just arrived! They should work just fine on your exercise ball seats.

Looking forward and stay innovative in the big data cloud!

sends email by moving the cursor over to "send" and shooting the mouse with a nerf gun

>>45107110
why did i tell /g/ about the hawii chair office, they'll never stop talking about it

hey guys, for this week we are going to have to program the app on Solaris 7. I read that its a big challenge and we all love a little irony.
Oh yeah, the web browser doesn't display tumblr correctly so this should serve as a refreshed for raw html reading

>the guy who literally does most of the work is fired for "not being a team player" becasue he doesn't go drinking with other staff members and doesn't play in the nerf battles

>>45105359
What the fuck is wrong with those people?

>>45107166
they appear to be Scottish

>>45107134
what are you on about

File: dis nigga.png (227KB, 402x476px) Image search: [Google]

227KB, 402x476px

>>45105359
Truly a legend

File: 129747707316_d6c2.jpg (20KB, 493x387px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 493x387px

Guys, I know we put all of our parents money in this company, but we failed. Starting a company right after college was a bad idea.
But the good news are, I bought cyanide pills for everyone.

>>45105453

I thought programming was applied math and rigid thinking

I don't understand the "art" part of programming

>>45107110
I had to google the hawaii chair. Holy shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4

File: 1374754020285.png (23KB, 118x120px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 118x120px

>>45107480
all my why

>>45107480
Does it rub out the butthurt caused by musogyknees?

>>45106107
weird choice for analogy i've read on /g/ in days

>>45107162

have seen this happen, can confirm

always as a result of exec narcissism / insecurity

>>45105770
nice

>goes around town to find the 'strongest glue' to 'fix' the problem of shock detaching the LCDs from the appliances that are shipping out _tomorrow_

>>45107191
they're irish.

>>45105359
ABSOLUTE MADMAN
BSOLUTE MADMAN
SOLUTE MADMAN
OLUTE MADMAN
LUTE MADMAN
UTE MADMAN
TE MADMAN
E MADMAN
  MADMAN
MADMAN
ADMAN
DMAN
MAN
AN
N

>>45106299
that's some TAS style racing right there

>>45105961
You fucking startup hipster googling fucktard shill.

File: 120424_WHINE_eatingAtDesk.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg (30KB, 568x346px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 568x346px

I'm going out for lunch. Anyone want me to pick something up on my way back?

>>45110032
a nonfat medium vegan soy mocha caramel latte

File: bill-bailey.jpg (61KB, 425x480px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 425x480px

>>45110060
I don't even know how to make coffee. I'm fairly sure I would cease being an acquaintance if someone said that in my vicinity.

>>45105961
>>tfw legitimately like Go
>>>/hn/

You guys know it's bring your daughter to work day tomorrow right?

>>45110060
Right well, I'm staying clocked in while I try to go find that.

Oh, if Matt calls tell him I'm out and to call my phone.

[spoiler]Why don't you guys just start your own businesses then?[/spoiler]

>>45105453
Isn't that Macaulay ?

>>45110162
Does anybody here know anything about business and management? You'll probably need to kidnap somebody from /biz/. Buttcoins make good bait for them.

>>45105478
wow for some reason her face makes me excessivly mad. anita confirmed for mastertroll.

>>45106106
>having a gf that gets mad cause 60 monies
>what are you doing nigga

My fig.yml doesn't wokr

>>45105225
You're forgetting the booze cabinet. Because nothing says "I'm a humanities major that only recently learned JS in Codecademy who moved out to SF/Seattle on my cardiologist parent's money" like a liquor cabinet that has the exact monetary value of the last funding round.

>>45105238
No, we need to put more fake job offers on Craigslist with super high qualifications in order to get another round of H1-B visas for our drug smuggling overlords.

>>45105246
>They want a method of performing any np complete function in constant time
No worries, we'll use Something.js for that.

>>45105278
>best post in the thread and no one replies
i love you anon

>>45107448
it's applied math but not rigid thinking. you take a set of rules and see how you can fuck with them, probing for holes in what you or someone else has written, trying to write something that can't fail

there is really an art to it, kind of like the art of mechanical design or woodworking

Unfortunately true story
>CTO-san we should really think about bailing out of this state-of-the-art nearly-concept bleeding-edge totally-hipster-ehmahgerd-hackernews-eligible software we are using because it is becoming a bigger and bigger bottleneck every minute
>shut up faget u w0t m8? gr8 b8 m8 ill 'it u in the gobber m8, 420 nosql blaze it fagget ur fired
>b-b-but what the fuck?
>get out. lol guise lets rewrite our perfectly working REST backend with Go just because it's trendy
>to infinity and beyond!

they went out of business

>>45105624
You should be our social media manager, Greg! You have such a flair for writing! It's like.. you don't tell "stories", you create "word experiences"

>>45106003
>assignments in expressions
>recursion
>all of this shit in one line of code
Yeah, Haskell is totally portable.

>>45106045
Because Object Oriented JavaScript hacks suck, so we need a proper OO language.

>>45106187
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK WITHOUT A $20 BEER IN MY HAND AT ALL TIMES

>>45106632
Show me that you have a lead investor or gtfo.

>>45107480
>getting any work done while jerking around like a person with Parkinson's

This thread killed my sides.

>>45106187
what this cunt said.

any workplace without a ping pong table is shit tier.

even the non startups I worked at had one.

guys where the fuck is the github repo for our logo

>>45110183
yeah broseph, I've taken and passed a class on project management class and am doing fine in my applied project management class too

I fucking hate working here.
Every morning, I come to work to find my mechanical keyboard suspended in jello.

I still don't know who's doing it.

>>45106634
It's pronounced "Guiseppe"

>>45105743
>96 hours
>memory damage

pleb

try a whole fucking week; no brain damage either, pussy.

File: anita on colbert 2.png (122KB, 264x320px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 264x320px

>>45105489
>>45105515

>>45110629
I once worked for a defense company doing vuln research and reverse engineering. It had a rec room with a ping pong table, pool table, PS3, Xbox 360, Multiple PC gaming rigs with all the major titles. Next door was a zen room with a couch and running water. There was a gymnasium sized dining area, and I had no set schedule (I could go in anytime and leave whenever so long as I completed 40 hours + contract work assigned) it was tough work but it was heaven.

>>45110904
This is how you run a project based work environment.

>>45110904
>tfw all we had was one ping pong table in the rec room and a bunch of people who wanted to play.

it was hell I tell you; but at least there was a ping pong table.

>>45110863
I would love to bang that
but... not date her.

Wait nah, I've already did something like that and she lingered for way too long. ugh