> family is always bitching i dont eat enough
> i have an idea
> they love mom science
> tell them 'New year New Me' bullshit, i want eat healthy - less food, more portions through the day
> they approve
> mfw i eat 1500kcal on day off and 1750kcal on gym day
D E V I L I S H
>cashier tells me to have a nice day
>have a bad day instead
>always shit on fatties for over bulking in cbt
>post my pic along side it 6'1 200 12% bf
>call out all dyels in the thread call everyone a fatty manlet or a faggot
>currently 230 pounds and growing
>GF asks me to send body pix
>No, you have to earn it and maybe you'll get one later
>Make her send me noodz
>Really I was just waiting to get back from the gym because I only ever send her pictures when I have a pump
D E M O N I C
>put on tinder
>meet girl in person
>tells me I look smaller than she expected
>tell her I look better without clothing
>go to her apartment after dinner
>tells me I don't even look like i lift
>swap out salt packets for sugar packets where i work
>tfw shut down a week later because some fatty went into cowtastic shock
>laid off a week later due to budget cuts
C H U C H U C H U L I O
Once, I accidentally bought decaf coffee for the office instead of regular coffee. I didn't want to return it so I just filled up the jar with the decaf shit and didn't tell anyone
Nothing happened, no one was even groggy
Failed at being devilish
>friend ask me to spot him on bench
>stand right over him making him look up my shorts at my little willie
>at family gathering
>"wow, look at you anon, the ladies must be lined up at your front door!"
>put shirt at the gym inside out on purpose
>wait until someone says "your shirt is inside out"
>remove shirt in order to wear it the right way
>all the qts in the gym mire my goldy physique
>invite tindr girl over
>we chill for a bit and talk about simulation engineers running the world
>explain that the simulation managers have been extremely angry at me lately
>ask her to take her clothes off
>I ask her to put her clothes back on and leave while I watch anime, read Evola and tweet #volcelpower on twitter dot com
M E P H I S T O P H E L I C
Hat wobble at some people but not at others as they walk by, see if you can provoke them and have security lunks toss em out, then loot their lockers.
>have austrian/german genes
>parents own a gym
>dont work out
>Tell girlfriend it's only 5 inches so if she ever cheats she'll think he has a below average schlong
>Tell her I'm 6' (I'm 6'2") so that she thinks other guys are even shorter
M E P H I S T O P H E L I A N
My mom has been pestering me about yogurt being bad for me ever since I started trying to lose weight and make it. Three days in a row she's suddenly "heard something on tv/online" about yogurt being bad for you.
>mfw I've had yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast for 10 days and have lost 4 pounds from it
>mfw she hasn't stuck to a diet plan for more than 3 days at a time before switching because "it doesn't work"
>mfw I'm about to go to the store just to buy more yogurt for tomorrow since I ran out this morning
She offered me some vitamins that she heard will help lose weight and stuff and I said I didn't want them. Then she had the audacity to tell me "when your brother and I lose this weight you'll change your mind lol"
>mfw my brother is 320 pounds and isn't interested in losing weight at all
>even if he was serious it would take him twice as long to lose said weight, plenty of time for me to catch on
>mfw I've made more progress by myself in 10 days than I did under her and Dr. Oz's sayso and momscience in 2 years
>mfw it's 2016 and anybody still believes anything Dr. Oz or any of his affiliates say
>tell myself im going to do 5 sets of 5 squats
>trip on my flipflops half way through the first rep
Why is Dr. Oz even a show? Why do moms believe all this crap that co stanly gets disproven, but if you show them medical journals and other evidence to counter Dr. Oz they think everyone else is wrong? Why do people WANT to choose wrong?
>sweat so hard at the gym I can safely cry without anyone noticing
M I S C H I E V O U S
>have 7.5 in penis
>stopped fucking the hottest girls but strategically start fucking the loud mouth ones
>word gets around I have a huge dick
>girls start talking to me more
R E A L N I G G A H O U R S
Tahp zahz m8, I have toasted muesli and yoghurt almost every day and I'm cut as fuarrrrkkkkk.
Well, not really; but it is a GOAT thing to have on your breakfast and it gives you mad gut flora and digestive gains.
>Not squatting in adidas mandals
Do you even #Givenuponlife breh?
Its always the manlets who are salty, does bringing other people down make you feel good about your height midget?
>Program says rest 2 min between sets
>Sometimes rest less
A S T R A L L Y D I A B O L I C A L
probably have std from a while ago... finally get sex for the first time in months with fat bar slut. Pull off condom halfway through because her fat pussy makes it so I dont feel anything. Have sex with another dumb chick 6 hours later. Almost kissless virgin for 6 months and then I gave 2 girls an std...and they were both shitty to me before during and after, so they deserve it.
>achieving full ass to grass form because fit said it was the only correct form
>feel bubbling in my gut
>on last rep, I go down and it intensifies
>I could stop, but there's a guy in the rack next to me doing rack pulls
>let it release every so slowly as squat down for one last rep
>instead of making this god awful noise, it just slowly seeps out of my anus
>i can almost literally feel it filling the floor beneath me
>can sense it waft over to rackpull bro
>rack my bar and walk off
>guy starts coughing
>I go into shower and last thing I hear is "oh god what the fuck is that smell?"
are you denying yourself arnold-like gains.
you better fucking not be.
you didnt even *tip* samefag.
>walking to water fountain after every set
>some faggot with wireless beats sees me and runs to fill up his post workout protein shake in front of me
>I shrug and pretend to check my phone while I wait
>some ugly lady 50 yr old talking loudly on her cellphone who hasnt even started working out doesnt realize the autist standing 3 feet behind the water fountain probably is waiting for water cuts in front of me
>this happens again, twice
>I make a half unintentional sperg noise, death stare the line of old ladies coming out of yoga and take my half second sip of water
>continue my workout and wonder if the cute girl on the elliptical had her music low enough to hear me
>still creeper stare at her every chance I have....zero fucks
no just like in real life multiple people dislike you
>you really look good now anon
>are there any cute girls in your class ?
>you really got handsome
>brothers start making comments about me getting a gf
Sometimes I wonder if I should tell them that I'm gay.
>drive up to McDonald's drive-thru
>get up the speaker
>"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I get you anything today?"
>dad was so excited when he got the news that the baby will be a boy
>grew up to be a complete and utter failure
I take some whenever I got a decent pump, or that morning leanness. Then I got a repertoar of half nude pics ready for exchanges. I also use these pics for CBTs, which is why a towel is covering my dick.