DEVILISH THREAD

>>35755040
beelzebubian tactics my friend

Bump

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>cashier tells me to have a nice day
>have a bad day instead

>always shit on fatties for over bulking in cbt
>post my pic along side it 6'1 200 12% bf
>call out all dyels in the thread call everyone a fatty manlet or a faggot
>currently 230 pounds and growing

You want devilish? Check these trips

>>35756421
if i wanted false promises i would go see my ex-gf

>gf wants to fuck
>tell her i have diarrhea
>I actually just dont want my body spending protein on sperm istead of muscle

stupid bitch believed me

>>35756457
That's cold

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>GF asks me to send body pix
>No, you have to earn it and maybe you'll get one later
>Make her send me noodz
>Really I was just waiting to get back from the gym because I only ever send her pictures when I have a pump

D E M O N I C
E
M
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C

>>35756457

If I wanted to see your ex gf I'd visit a special ed class

>>35757212
if i wanted retarded ex-gf i would hit up your mom desu senpai

>edit photos
>put on tinder
>meet girl in person
>tells me I look smaller than she expected
>tell her I look better without clothing
>go to her apartment after dinner
>tells me I don't even look like i lift
>still fucked

>>35755040
mischievous

>swap out salt packets for sugar packets where i work
>tfw shut down a week later because some fatty went into cowtastic shock
>laid off a week later due to budget cuts
C H U C H U C H U L I O

>>35758826
spanish is my mother tongue
>"chuchuchulio"
>muh sides

>>35758853
My tongue is on your mother, "kid".

>>35758826
Once, I accidentally bought decaf coffee for the office instead of regular coffee. I didn't want to return it so I just filled up the jar with the decaf shit and didn't tell anyone

Nothing happened, no one was even groggy

Failed at being devilish

>>35759228
Your mother's on my dick, "mate"

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>friend ask me to spot him on bench
>stand right over him making him look up my shorts at my little willie

>>35757574
S A T A N I C

>>35760643
>asked to spot bench
>rest shins against bench at shoulder width
>"accidentally" brush my balls on his head

>>35757338
If i wanted you to have a retareed ex gf Id ask you what your 1rm is

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>at family gathering
>"wow, look at you anon, the ladies must be lined up at your front door!"
>"haha, yeah"
>they're not

>>35761482
SAVANT

>>35760810
>asked to spot bench
>pantomime spotting the bench benching some weights via interpretive gestures

>tinderella comes over for Netflix and chill
>she brought chips, we watch walking dead
>no chill, just kick her out after twd
F R U S T R A T E D

>>35757212
If I wanted a special ed class I'd go to your family reunion

>put shirt at the gym inside out on purpose
>wait until someone says "your shirt is inside out"
>remove shirt in order to wear it the right way
>all the qts in the gym mire my goldy physique

D
E
V
I
L
I
S
H

>invite tindr girl over
>we chill for a bit and talk about simulation engineers running the world
>explain that the simulation managers have been extremely angry at me lately
>ask her to take her clothes off
>she complies
>I ask her to put her clothes back on and leave while I watch anime, read Evola and tweet #volcelpower on twitter dot com

M E P H I S T O P H E L I C

i just got hired at planet fitness

what are some /devilish/ antics I can do on the job?

>>35761928
kill everyone

>>35761928
Yell at patrons if they don't put clips on the Smith machine

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>>35761928
Hat wobble at some people but not at others as they walk by, see if you can provoke them and have security lunks toss em out, then loot their lockers.

>>35761928
Eat all the pizza

>>35761959

this actually surprised me
monday is pizza day
tuesday is bagel day

i'm not even trolling

>>35761928
Do you have access to the lunk alarm? Does it require two keys to use or is that just a rumor?

>>35761915
>inv bae over for netflix n chill
>spend entire time watching movie trailers on youtube
>don't even have a netflex
J
I
M M Y J O H N

>>35762013

i'm going to assume that I will because i'll be a front desk person
i have no idea how it works though, the gym opens this weekend

>>35762027
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eAj08nAFP4
>It is essentially a nuclear loud siren that goes off when a patron grunts or drops weights, or "judges."

>>35761857
Nigga that's fuckin smart

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>have austrian/german genes
>parents own a gym
>dont work out

>>35755040

man i read these stories about families being mad that people in their household try to change their lifestyle

mindblowing man

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>>35762080
shit is real

>>35760281
Your dick's in my mouth, "comrade".

>>35758853
It just made me think of that Phil Collins song

>>35761928
How much do they pay and are you in Ohio?

>>35756570
>not doing gomad
>not having explosive diarrhea 24/7
>making it

>>35755562
kek

>>35755562
zoz

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>>35756457

>>35757574
Fuck man I can see myself sperging out at the point where she says you don't look like you lift.

What did you say to recover?

>>35761857
>>35762050
Everyone probably thought you were a heaving retard, and those who owned brains knew you were trying to show off.

>7" penis
>Tell girlfriend it's only 5 inches so if she ever cheats she'll think he has a below average schlong
>Tell her I'm 6' (I'm 6'2") so that she thinks other guys are even shorter
M E P H I S T O P H E L I A N

>planet fitness actually has an air raid siren for people who make noise
Only in America.

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>>35762080
My mom has been pestering me about yogurt being bad for me ever since I started trying to lose weight and make it. Three days in a row she's suddenly "heard something on tv/online" about yogurt being bad for you.
>mfw I've had yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast for 10 days and have lost 4 pounds from it
>mfw she hasn't stuck to a diet plan for more than 3 days at a time before switching because "it doesn't work"
>mfw I'm about to go to the store just to buy more yogurt for tomorrow since I ran out this morning

She offered me some vitamins that she heard will help lose weight and stuff and I said I didn't want them. Then she had the audacity to tell me "when your brother and I lose this weight you'll change your mind lol"
>mfw my brother is 320 pounds and isn't interested in losing weight at all
>even if he was serious it would take him twice as long to lose said weight, plenty of time for me to catch on
>mfw I've made more progress by myself in 10 days than I did under her and Dr. Oz's sayso and momscience in 2 years
>mfw it's 2016 and anybody still believes anything Dr. Oz or any of his affiliates say

>>35759314

I've never understood the point of decaf coffee.

There's no way anyone actually drinks that swill for the flavor.

>>35757338
>>35761852

guys stop

>>35756457
>>35757212
>>35757338
>>35761482
This was fun

>>35755562
jej

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>>35756457
damn

>>35761531
fucking hate when that happens

>>35762049
i can only imagine the anger the rest of the building feels when they dont actually care but didn't want to hear a loud ass fucking siren in their ears while they work out

>>35762185
lmao that up in another tab soon as i saw it. still have no idea what chuchuchulio means

>>35755562
Lel

>tell mom i need poop so it'll be a while
>fap

L E L C I F E R

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>tell myself im going to do 5 sets of 5 squats
>trip on my flipflops half way through the first rep

>>35762693
Why is Dr. Oz even a show? Why do moms believe all this crap that co stanly gets disproven, but if you show them medical journals and other evidence to counter Dr. Oz they think everyone else is wrong? Why do people WANT to choose wrong?

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>sweat so hard at the gym I can safely cry without anyone noticing

M I S C H I E V O U S

>>35755625
Pic

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>have 7.5 in penis
>stopped fucking the hottest girls but strategically start fucking the loud mouth ones
>word gets around I have a huge dick
>girls start talking to me more

R E A L N I G G A H O U R S

>>35762442
Had an injury and getting back into it slowly.

>>35762693
Tahp zahz m8, I have toasted muesli and yoghurt almost every day and I'm cut as fuarrrrkkkkk.

Well, not really; but it is a GOAT thing to have on your breakfast and it gives you mad gut flora and digestive gains.

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>>35765535
>Not squatting in adidas mandals

Do you even #Givenuponlife breh?

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>>35755625
Its always the manlets who are salty, does bringing other people down make you feel good about your height midget?

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>Program says rest 2 min between sets
>Sometimes rest less

A S T R A L L Y D I A B O L I C A L

>>35757574
>>35761857
GENIUS
E
N
I
U
S

>>35755562
pup

>>35755562
bur

>>35755562
zuff

>>35767357
>>35767379
ive been waiting all day for more devilish stories and this is type of shit that gets posted?

triggered

>>35755562
pan

>>35765535
I was in that thread. It was sad and glorious at the same time.

>>35755040
I cut on 2800 kcal / day. Are you all fat manlets? Holy shit

>>35767432
1750 reporting in, yes.

>>35767436
Figured. :^)

>>35767357
alliance cucks need to get off /fit/

this is a red board, faggot

>>35767432
I cut on 1700 kcal for 3 weeks until I realized the TDEE calculator I used was shit and the scale I used was inaccurate.
Now I'm on 2400 kcal and still losing weight.

probably have std from a while ago... finally get sex for the first time in months with fat bar slut. Pull off condom halfway through because her fat pussy makes it so I dont feel anything. Have sex with another dumb chick 6 hours later. Almost kissless virgin for 6 months and then I gave 2 girls an std...and they were both shitty to me before during and after, so they deserve it.

DIABLO
I
A
B
L
O

>>35767488
never post again

>>35767488
never breathe again

>>35767488
kys

I want old /fit/ to come back

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keep going this thread is nice

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>>35755040
>doing squats
>achieving full ass to grass form because fit said it was the only correct form
>feel bubbling in my gut
>on last rep, I go down and it intensifies
>I could stop, but there's a guy in the rack next to me doing rack pulls
>let it release every so slowly as squat down for one last rep
>instead of making this god awful noise, it just slowly seeps out of my anus
>i can almost literally feel it filling the floor beneath me
>can sense it waft over to rackpull bro
>rack my bar and walk off
>guy starts coughing
>I go into shower and last thing I hear is "oh god what the fuck is that smell?"

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>>35762078
are you denying yourself arnold-like gains.
you better fucking not be.

>>35767521
>>35767551
>>35767554
you didnt even *tip* samefag.

real story:

>walking to water fountain after every set
>some faggot with wireless beats sees me and runs to fill up his post workout protein shake in front of me
>I shrug and pretend to check my phone while I wait
>some ugly lady 50 yr old talking loudly on her cellphone who hasnt even started working out doesnt realize the autist standing 3 feet behind the water fountain probably is waiting for water cuts in front of me
>this happens again, twice
>I make a half unintentional sperg noise, death stare the line of old ladies coming out of yoga and take my half second sip of water
>continue my workout and wonder if the cute girl on the elliptical had her music low enough to hear me
>still creeper stare at her every chance I have....zero fucks

ZERO
E
R
O

>>35767690
implying samefag
fucking retard

>>35767411
>wait all day for devilish stories
>get random three letter sound combinations

SINISTER
I
N
I
S
T
E
R

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>>35767690
no just like in real life multiple people dislike you

>>35761531
>>35765144
that''s life

>>35761531
>you really look good now anon
>are there any cute girls in your class ?
>you really got handsome

Also
>brothers start making comments about me getting a gf

Sometimes I wonder if I should tell them that I'm gay.

/blog

>>35767488
>>35767690

wow do the world a favor and kill yourself

>>35766086
> not using the cheaper faked ones

Get on my level bro

>>35755562
Yoy

>>35757574
>have wide shoulders
>low bf I always look like I lift
>sometimes tell people I lift when i'm not, and sometimes tell them I don't lift when I am
DEVILISH AUTISM POINTLESS TACTICS

>>35757574
Well done senpai

>>35761928
Hide pizza on pizza day and say it's abolished.
Random lunk alarms

>Friend that wants to start working out gets a PF membership
>Asks if the Lunk Alarm is a myth
>I say yes
>Tonight's his first night

NAUGHTY
A
U
G
H
T
Y

>>35770638
>Friend that wants to start working out gets a PF membership
>don't show him a real gym
DIABOLICAL

>>35761928
Give patrons actually fitness advice

>>35770820
It's the only gym in town.

I've got a home gym specifically because of it.

>>35770886
>friend wants to hang out and start working out together
>make him suck my dick to use my homegym

B E E L Z E B U B L I A N

>>35755562
cic

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>>35755625
>6'1"

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>>35755562
bal

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>>35755562
Zozzle

>>35755562
well memed

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>drive up to McDonald's drive-thru
>get up the speaker
>"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I get you anything today?"
>"No thanks"
>Drive out

>>35755562
>stealing other peoples memery

Truly devilish.

>>35755562
plappap

>>35770922
>Tell friend he can use my gym if he sucks my dick
>My "gym" is some logs in the backyard and a sled

DOWN TO GEORGIA
O
W
N

T
O

G
E
O
R
G
I
A

>>35755562
pep

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>>35771125

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>dad was so excited when he got the news that the baby will be a boy
>grew up to be a complete and utter failure

>>35770021
Thought you meant chicks for a moment there, bubzo.

>>35771310
trip back on, trappy.

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>>35762049
>America

>>35771419

b-but she's a successful pt and knows SS!

>>35756715
I take some whenever I got a decent pump, or that morning leanness. Then I got a repertoar of half nude pics ready for exchanges. I also use these pics for CBTs, which is why a towel is covering my dick.

>>35771198
O U R D A D D Y T A U G H T U S N O T T O B E A S H A M E D O F O U R D I C K S E S P E C I A L L Y C O S T H E Y ' R E S U C H A G O O D S I Z E A N D A L L

>>35771595
>she
>taking fitness advice from someone wanting to chop off their penis
>taking fitness advice from someone who doesnt actually lift
cant wait for 20 reponses from faggot "fans"

>>35761951
That's amazing

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>>35761915
hello #frogtwitter