Doesn't anyone else struggle with wanting to be more social and have a big group of friends but deep down wanting to be alone (except for a few girls to fuck and maybe your parents to talk to/visit during the holidays)?
>bored at home - I need more friends to go out with
>out with friends - fuck this is lame, I wish I was home
Honestly with the exception of a few good friends I almost always want to be in whatever situation Im not in at the moment.
>tfw i have a shitload of friends in university but most of them live in another campus in another part of the county
>tfw my flatmates fucking hate me
one of them is a pooinloo who's been a beta provider for this 5'11 lanklet girl in the house for ages
during some drunk banter in the first week i asked if they were in a relationship and they took it to heart and can't even stand to look at me anymore
I want a social circle just so I can get a gf
1. Traditional dating is pretty much dead in the game. You either meet partners through social circles, class/clubs, or tinder. Obviously I am not going to cuck myself and date a bitch who uses tinder
2. Once a girl gets a whiff you dont really have any friends she avoids you like the plague.
I still do normie shit like go to music festivals and raves. I get plenty of female attention there since I am tall and not ugly which usually only gets my pelvis carved. but I go to cc and have no friends so no girl wants to have anything to do with me
Kinda why I love raves/festivals so much is you go in with a "clean slate". Most of the time there's little cell phone reception, so they can't judge your social media.
Plus everyone is in a wayyy friendlier mindset.
How do I into catmonkey banana mode?
Yup. I'm a normie with no social issues or anything, but I hang out with people maybe once a month. I text with few friends pretty much through the days though.
I'm not shy and I like being around people, but I also really enjoy my own company and I have no issues to spend relatively long times without even talking with other people face to face. I see people at gym and internet is a social environment too.
Of course I sometimes prefer real life interactions, but not on regular basis really.
But due the fact that I never take part to any parties anymore, I don't have a dating life what so ever.
B-b-but, it's so tasty I wanna put it all in my mouth
This feel defines my very existence. My entire life I've kinda been the loner, outside-looking-in type, but luckily I'm usually not autistic enough to completely alienate myself.
Honestly I think the issue could be flawed expectations. Maybe we have a very narrow idealized version of what we consider friendship and companionship to be and when the average person fails to live up to our ideals we abandon the interaction altogether instead of seeking to salvage what we can from it. And abandoning the interaction is even easier if you don't even start it in the first place, ergo the self isolation and solitude.
A part of me also thinks it's a form of narcissism or selfishness, in that we believe our own time to be more valuable than the time of others unless there's clear incentives to be gained from the interaction. While most people might think like this, "shallower" incentives might just be girls or drug connections, while the incentives we seek are deeper, and thus harder to establish on the short-lived interactions we usually allow ourselves. And so it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy in that we never allow relationships the time needed to make those connections, but since we don't make those connections we want we put less effort into the relationships, and then the cycle continues.
Sorry I'm rambling. I've just spent so much time trying to figure out why the fuck I am the way I am and I never seem to get anywhere.
Really got into ant keeping this past year. Unfortunately I live in New Hampshire, so my colony is in diapause, so basically I have nothing to do, or rather there isn't anything I want to do. I don't like being alone, but I prefer it over company. I just want my ants.
Solitude is addicting.
The stronger I become, the more I like myself.
I don't want to spoil it with drugs or alcohol like most my old friends do.
The last girl I hung out with, who took my virginity before the new year asked me why I didn't have any friends.
I told her I moved away and lost contact but the truth is I've been avoiding people my whole life. I like having a core group of people, and it usually only lasts for a short time. I really only hangout with my family...
This chick was like "just go make friends" kek
It's like all of you are me. I don't even like going out 2 days a week anymore. If I hang with friends Friday then I stay home Saturday and vise versa. Dumped my deadbeat gf in July and have gotten a number and talked to 1 girl near me since. Got bored talking to her within a week then just kinda stopped talking. I have like no desire to find a girl. It's so time and energy consuming and most of the time you come up empty cuz most girls are stupid and/or psycho. I think there's something wrong with me.
>have one good friend and a couple of colegues that I barely even hang out with
>can't stand meeting with people more than once in a row
If I hang out with someone, I have to have the next day only for myself.
>pretty socially retarded, not so bad when drunk though
I'm pretty sure most people who post on Indian snake charming forums have simmilar problems.
>no desire to find a girl
I can sort of relate to this. From experience I know that there are great girls out there, but it just takes so much sifting to find them that I can't really muster up the effort for the search most of the time. I don't want to settle for "okay" after having been with two really wonderful women--I am quite literally better off alone.
I KNOW MORE OF YOU QTS EXIST, WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes, I eventually got over it. I have a gf, two people I know at university and my parents/brother. Besides that I have practically no contact with anyone. I used to think that this is somehow a problem, but really, it's what I deeply want and that's why it ended up this way. I'm 25 now and at some point I decided that I'm too old to give a fuck about being popular and whatnot. Nobody should. Life's not high school.
U dun goofed never seen any shit this depressing famalamadingdong
Impossible is nothing
Start following your dreams and you will be ahead of 90% of the populous
Anyone can come up with inane, pedantic buttfuck answers that don't mean Shit but somehow answer everything go post in a motivation thread and let these scholars figure out life
Come on, don't be prude.
I mostly struggle with not wanting to be social at all. I've gotten used to being alone and I'm happy that way, after a decade of failed relationships my need for a gf has also ceased to be. I just don't give a shit anymore.
Regardless of who you are or the level of socialization you feel you need, it's healthy in a lot of ways to remain open to new experiences.
Instead of worrying about how social you are, think first of activities you'd be interested in trying - fencing, paintball, woodworking, travel, freediving, racing, whatever. Do these first and the social aspect of your personality will solidify naturally. Maybe you'll still want to be mostly alone, and that's okay.
It's probably a symptom of being on board about working out that's on a site for child pedos. But a lot of shared experiences.
I personally don't have a real problem going out to see a concert or show or something. But it's usually alone. So I have this huge wall in front of me in trying to find a gril to go out with, that she will find out I have no friends in this city and the amount of stress that would cause for me. I've met/talked to a few women recently, but keep kind of just flaking out so it never reaches that point.
My goal would be to find someone who's equally as much of a loaner. But 77% of the time they're ugly or still live with their parents.
this guy has got it
after all my buddies moved out after high school, i started hanging with people i never really hung out with. it was fun, i enjoyed their company but i still liked to stay a lot of the time to listen to music and play some games so i can be up early for a sick morning lift
fast forward to now, friends came back from school and now we chill most nights a week smoking some weed and playing some video games. i finally realize that it really isn't people that i get tired of, its certain types of people.
id much rather have friends that are interested in the same shit as me and are on a similar life track as me, it just makes saying yes to an invitation to a social gathering when i'm going to be around people that are just like me
I don't agree that there is anything narcissistic or shallow about expecting something from an interaction. All human relationships are based on some form of reciprocity. Whether it's business, someone to go out with, a wingman, drugs, or even just plain old companionship. There is always exchange and if that isn't met then there isn't much of a reason to maintain the connection.
Question. I never asked this anyone, because how could I, obviously, but here I can, snce we are all anons.
I'm ugly. I myself would say that I'm 3/10. 4/10 maybe on a good day or when someone worse looking is around so it's my time to shine.
Here's the thing. I deliberately avoid people, avoid making friends, parties, always have kept sort of distance from everyone, never letting on feelings of camaraderie, never really getting too close.
The reason for this is, whenever I was thinking about going out with people, I always had to think about them being sort of bothered by me, dragged down from some fun stuff attractive young people do, stuff I can't really do, like go clubbing with/for girls or for sex etc. Also why would they even want to look at me, I mean, duh. Due to my looks I also can't comment on some things, make certain jokes (which sucks mostly around girls... even when I made such joke and they'd laugh, I'd immediately feel really weird). Yet, during high school, people kept making friends with me and including me, as if they didn't mind. The friendship was, sort of, forced onto me, so to speak.
So, now, the question I'm trying to ask is, would you, as guys, or even girls if there are any, mind having a friend like that? Talking looks, when I'm around people I don't behave like the biggest loser in the world, but like a normal guy.
Another problem is, I consider myself rather boring. I don't know what to talk about. I mean, I KNOW that people talk about total shit (I've overheard some conversations and they talk about nothing of substance or value) but I can't just talk about that because then I think that they would think that I'm totally boring as fuck. I mean, I can't talk with them about lifting or games or weather or politics or books (most people don't read) or movies or I don't know... or can I? Is this what people talk about?
>Here's the thing. I deliberately avoid people, avoid making friends, parties, always have kept sort of distance from everyone, never letting on feelings of camaraderie, never really getting too close.
Nigga that's like the worst mentally to live with
I'm ALWAYS paranoid that i'm either ugly as fuck, or autistic, and people just put up with me.
But you can't keep doing it anon. Just throw away the fear of "I look like sack of shit" and go for it, make yourself energtic - even if you fake it.
In terms of "interesting" just find what you like, and explore your whims
I say fuck em.
In the sense that their opinion can't matter that much. I know damn well that if I let myself think about what I think..my friends think of me, I'd literally never talk to them. When you go to sleep and wake up, if they think you're ugly, is that really going to affect you in any real sense unless they harm you or something? No.
And if they still want to hang out then, even IF they judge you on your looks doesn't matter. Additionally, if you guys share similar hobbies, and stuff then that's what's most important in a friendship. Someone to share stuff you like with and vice versa.
I think you came here for the truth, so:
There are times I care about the attractiveness of the people I'm around, and times I don't. I cant give you any rules about when I'd care, because it varies too much -- but you should understand that if people are asking you to do things with them, they want you there. They wouldn't ask for you, otherwise. Also, if you're inviting someone to spend time with you and they agree, you need to trust that they mean it. It's their fault if they're not honest.
Lots of people, attractive and unattractive, suffer from being boring. Your physicality has nothing to do with how interesting you are once you're talking with someone. Figure out what YOU want to talk about. Let other people try to interest you, for a change.
>I'm ALWAYS paranoid that i'm either ugly as fuck, or autistic, and people just put up with me.
But I am ugly.
I'm not autistic, though, however I wouldn't say that I'm mentally completely sane either... but then, who is?
It's not really about me being that much affected by what they think as it is that I'm affected by what I think.
Basically I've got a huge sense of insecurity because of how I look, so it's quite hard to just say fuck it.
I mean, I had to learn to walk outside with my head straight and up instead of just looking to the ground, hiding myself.
I did come for truth. [spoiler]But also wanted someone to tell me that things are gonna be alright, I guess[/spoiler][spoiler]I know that spoilers don't work here[/spoiler]
The problem is, I can't talk about myself without immediately thinking I'm utterly boring.
Shit sucks, yo.
Another problem is, whenever I somehow offend someone or someone gets mad at me, I know that they immediately start thinking about me as ugly person not worthy their time and being way below them. Shit sucks, yo.
Sorry for writing so much, haven't properly talked to anyone since the semester ended.
how does that work
do you just look for validation of you being good enough to be able to acquire girls, rather than actually wanting them?
Relationship for 7+ years. Had a couple relationships before that burned bright and fast and I let die because I didn't know how to properly care about another person.
I swear to god I had to learn how to actually love someone, and it required a lot of introspection, the space to gain the perspective to know what I want out of life.
but maybe that's not your problem, there's not much info to work with here.
Man makes his own Hell anon, which means he can make his own heaven
The only advise i can say before i fall asleep is either post a pic so we homos can r8 you.
Become a mad successful person and show the world it's the man inside that matters.
Good luck faggot
But it's so incredibly difficult keeping being motivated and enthusiastic about anything when I'm always so lonely and miserable.
The only thing that makes me feel good is the gym, I'm making progress there.
But the other day I did some work in photoshop and the creative process and its result felt good.
I guess through creation to salvation.
Good night, Anon. May you drill in your dreams.
You're not attractive. It's a weakness of yours and I'm proud that you've owned up to it.
EVERYONE has weaknesses. You can work around yours, just like every successful person has worked around their weaknesses. So, yes, it is gonna be all right.
Truth. Zuckerberg is not an attractive person. Nobody cares, everyone wants to be around him.
I don't understand why so many people can't stand to be alone. I understand loneliness and being alone is different, but being lonely arises from being alone. When I grew up, I was more than comfortable by myself, and this translated into my teenage years. Although hormones fucked my head up, when I came out of it, I realised I was more than happy alone.
I do not need anyone in my life to make myself happy, I do that myself.
I enjoy being alone. I enjoy my own company
Of course who doesn't want an active social lifestyle with friends that call you to do some dumbshit, support you etc. i really wish i had that instead i was home schooled and by the time i enrolled to college i had not a single friend nor any social skills.
Honestly bro, give it a shot. I've always had an interest in myrmecology since I was a kid, but only just started really getting seriously into it within the last 2 years, and I'm 25 now. Started doing a whole bunch of research, bought a whole bunch of gear. It's a really good way to pass time, it's very calming. Sometimes I sit and watch for hours. It's a nice hike out in the woods or walk around the streets when you're looking for queens after nuptial flights as well. Try the AntsCanada or TarHeelAnts youtube channels. They both sell products as well. I buy all my stuff from Tar Heel Ants personally. This is my Camponotus pennsylvanicus colony in hibernation right now.
Nah, I don't have any tiny species yet, which are usually a little tougher to contain if you aren't careful with the fornicarium you choose to house them in, and no dreams about it either lmao. If any escape, it's only a few depending on the size of the colony. I'd really like to get a hold of a few smaller species this year though, once Spring is here. Always liked small ants.