>still haven't graduated
>lie to my parents about it
>still feel stuck in the same place I was in ten years ago
>have a decent job but it's only part-time and I can't work there for the rest of my life
>everyone I know from high school has a proper job and a girlfriend/wife
>I'm still working on my bachelor's degree
>could go into the gym and forget about everything
>but lifting doesn't take away the pain anymore
>panic every now and then
>sleeping horribly (wake up at around 5am and can't go back to sleep anymore)
>constantly worrying about future
>literally 0 zero friends
>no one to hang out with so basically every friday and weekend is spent by myself
I'm going to be thirty in a little over three years (I turn 27 tomorrow). I have nothing to show for it. My one friend, the barbell, used to help me forget about everything for just a little while, but he's not able to do that anymore. I don't know anymore. It feels like I've hit rockbottom.
OP, I am literally you. I turn 27 in June, same boat exactly. Don't worry man, we're gonna make it. What are you studying? I was working towards a bachelors in criminal justice and then interned and got completely turned off, now I've started all over. Going back this semester to study web development. Why are you bombing finals, man? The barbell can't make you feel better if everything else in life is bad. I know this. I'm worried about the future too man, every year is getting shorter. feel like I've never started living and never will, but we gotta keep trying. Please man, for me, for us, keep trying. We have to make it.
I'm like you OP
>24, 25 in March
>started going to school when I was 20
>not even close to getting a diploma
>hate my major
>dropped out so many times that I can't get funding anymore
>going to the gym doesnt help anymore
>get anxiety attacks half way through my session
>lock myself in the change cubicle trying not to cry
>hate everything i am
>hate everything i was
>no real relationships
>no goal other than suicide
Because I get depressed trying to study. I just find it so hard to do. I can read a book about space travel from beginning to end but it's so hard to read a book about what I'm studying. I'm doing this for so long but if I drop out all of those years will have been for nothing
I wish I could wake up and that everything would be different. I'm seriously being held back by the weight I'm carrying here
Every time my parents ask -- they almost beg me -- when I'm going to graduate.
I feel like shit. I am shit anon.
IF I could reset my life by two years then I would be so relieved. Fuck this shit man.
I am in exactly same situation, you are not alone.
Make a plan, break down your targets to little targets and give it a go.
Time will do the rest and sooner or later you will
notice that studying is not about being fast,
efficient, either you do it or don't do it, that will
ultimately differ you from the rest. It is very hard
to bring up that discipline and not all people
can do that!
JUST DO IT!
whats your subject and why did you pick it? what are you long term goals. if there is no reward system, your brain will sabotage efforts to work towards something, that's why it needs to be part of a larger goal for something you want or are interested in
btw taking a break from studying for my exams, I'm 30 right now and I'm sure I've wasted more time than you
I used to be like the OP. Failed uni and was 'asked' to leave, had a very low paying job staying at parent's house.
Started earning money using my guitar in bars/pubs around the city, used the money to start a business, a year later i'm making about £70 000 a year at age 22.
things can change.
>wishing to turn back time
I know how you feel except I have everything you don't. Cool job in my field (not a career though), awesome gf, graduated a little late but with two degrees, and good workouts. Yet I STILL feel how you do. It's like I still feel mediocre and have yet to reach my full potential, and the time I have to complete my journey is getting smaller and smaller. It's like I'm so scared that i won't complete anything to my fullest abilities that I don't even start. If I've learned anything though, you just have to stop focusing on the past or "what could've been", take your losses and just START. Starting is the hardest part. If you know what you want and know what you have to do to get there, starting is simple. If you're missing one of those or both you STILL know what you should be doing, which is figuring one of those things out. Google is your friend here. Anyway, at the end of the day you need to stop throwing faggot-ass pity parties for yourself and DO something.
I recommend you see a shrink if your anxiety and feelings of dread are making you unable to sleep and your depression is making you unable to study.
In terms of reading textbooks, just take heavy notes on whatever it is you're reading. If you can't focus, ask your doctor for Ritalin or something similar.
Become a truck driver OP. You'll have to put in effort to learn to drive a truck and get your CDL (us??) but it's actually a viable long term job with decent pay, and requires no education other than your CDL, and a clean driving record for the last 3 years I think. It's what I plan do to when I'm approaching 26-28.
As a poster said above, you can have all the things you feel like you are missing and feel the exact way you do right now. Doesn't that tell you something important? I shouldn't have to explain to you what the real problem is.
All it takes is the first step which is usually the hardest. Figure out exactly what you need to do and just fucking do it faggot. You are in university, get involved in some clubs...you will 100% make friends unless you literally try not to talk to people. Age doesn't matter bro it's just a made up number, life starts today not tomorrow. Get BA, keep lifting as hard as possible and diet in check, make friends in clubs or outside activities, get involved with people. It's only hard and difficult if you make it difficult
Also, never assume people you know are living an awesome life based on social media or assuming how their life is. It's never as good as it seems and it just makes you more miserable. Cut dat shit out.