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Can we have a bowel movement thread? What's...
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Can we have a bowel movement thread? What's the perfect shit? How should i eat to optain it?

I don't know if i have IBS - light or something but i swar to god like 8/10 times my shit will never be solid. Like i'll shit out one moist/wet sausage and then 2-3 small ones and they really dirty up my a - hole on their way out. It's fucking hell to clean up, like sometimes i'll have to wipe my ass forever to get it perfect. And even worse sometimes the shit will break off in the middle which makes it even worse to too wipe.

Fucking hell how do i avoid this? I feel like i eat enough fiber, but maybe not. Also sometimes it seems like the longer i go inbetween each shit the more solid it will be. I basically just wanna shit dry , solid sausages that are in one fucking piece and dont take forever to wipe.
Look up "foods for firm stool"
Bananas work the best, but I hate them, so when I did gomad I also did tube of Ritz per day.
Make sure the crackers have no fiber
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there could be various causes for those issues.
what's your idea of eating enough fiber by the way?

also, you might be intolerant to some foods (maybe lactose or fructose intolerance).

other than that your gut flora might have turned to shit. most people have issues with their gut microbiome. oftentimes that problem manifests in your skin as well, e.g. with neurodermitis.
this can be caused by taking antibiotics that eradicate good gut bacteria or unhealthy eating (like lots of refined sugar/starch that feed the wrong kind of bacteria and can cause candida). pic related helps "repopulating" the gut with healthy bacteria. i can recommend drinking kombucha, it's fucking delicious. apart from that, as far as i know, the best probiotic supplement on the market is VSL #3 , which people take after repeated exposure to antibiotics among other things.
How do I achieve that I shit every morning? When should I stop eating the day before to achieve this?
I want to weigh myself every morning before breakfast, but it's useless if my bowels aren't empty
Try to cut out protein powder, helped me with same problem.
>tfw i had my gallbladder removed last year
>tfw ever since then i rarely have solid shits anymore

One thing that did work was eating the same meal over and over. But I'm a man of flavour and variety.
The perfect shit knocks at the door daily, at roughly the same time.
When you drop the deuce, you asshole gets pleasantly stretched by the first portion of the turd. Then the nuts of the shit massage your anal canal. Very nice.
Then, in a swift motion, the log is pushed out and creates a brisk feeling of suction in the deeper part of the sigmoid colon.
A perfect shit doesn't require wiping, either
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sounds wonderful
Less fiber. More cheese. Do heroin, too. That should tighten things up.
Going through the same thing brah. I actually know what is causing this. Caffeine reeks havoc on my ass, but I feel like I need it. I love coffee, but If I have 2+ cups of it, I'm shitting like 4 more times throughout the day.

Next time I'm bulking, I'm going to take a photo of my gargantuan wake-up shit and keep it safe for any future threads like this.
We're talking such a huge fat shit, that it could easily be mistaken for Tess Munster's instagram.

No real reason, just to gross people out.
I can't remember the last time I dropped a solid log.
It just sputters out with a gooey, yolk-like texture.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Otherwise I feel perfectly fine, and my diet is in check.
Psyllium husk. Buy some and add a tablespoon to your shake at the last moment before drinking it. It tastes like dirty mushrooms and soaks up water forming a gel that not only feels weird but also robs all the flavor from whatever you add it to so if you add it at the last second you can still taste the chocolate or whatever flavor is in your whey and then it swells and smashes your gut later. It fills you up and then scrapes you clean on the way out. 10/10 god tier shits result.

Most veggies are better than fruit and will give you massive solid shits compared to fluffy ones you'll get from fruit. Well that's my experience with eating them to excess anyway. The bigger and lower calorie the veggies the better because the more you eat the more you shit.

Meat. Meat will bulk your turds up by making them heavier and denser which holds everything together. If you eat tons of meat and veggies you're gonna have a good shit. Wash down a tablespoon or two of psyllium husk a day as well and you're going to have shits so big you consider taking a picture of them before wiping.
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Drink coffee after waking up
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i actually think it's quite common for a lot of people to not have "the perfect shit" they just...well don't give a shit about it. It isn't necessarily something to freakout about either i guess, unless you have it really bad. Check out the guys over at Reddit IBS (yeye inb4 le'redditmeme shit) and you'll see what it's like to really have a problem with your digestive system.

Since people pretty much never talk about their shit with anyone in real life it's hard to know what's normal. I've only talked about it once with my bros, when we were at a music festival and we all got pretty lose stomaches because of the 247 drinking and shitty food.

Obviously it's ideal to have a solid log, but i don't think your shit being not completly perfect should have you totally freaking out. Some people are just unlucky with bowel movements
I dream of Nigella Lawson sucking and licking melted chocolate off my knob while saying things like "MMmmmmm, yummy!"
I don't care that shes in her mid fifties.
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I am fully aroused..
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