/fit/ humor thread

If I wanted humor I'd just ask your 15 rep pecs.

>>35508062
I'm sure r/4chanepicwins is the place you meant to travel to

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>>35508086

Pic related, it s you

>>35508074
Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here. It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan. We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways. Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches. You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . .that is if you can handle it...

>>35508151
never fucking reply to me unless you're contributing to this thread

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>>35508342

>>35508342

You. I like you.

>>35508062
If I wanted humor, I'd ask what your 1 rep maxes are.

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adding some real /fit/ humour.

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>>35508062

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>>35509607
contributing
2/?

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>>35509617

If I wanted humour I'd just ask how many scoops you take

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>>35509607
how is that humor? just depressing

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>>35509628

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>>35509646

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>>35509653

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscpEdSTiNA

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>>35508109

>>35509275
>... screamed the stable boy.
Gets me every time

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>>35508062

>>35508086
>r/4chanepicwins
How do you even know this place existed holy shit

>>35508342
Don't say that to my wife's son, he gets bullied in school for being mixed race.

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>>35510680

>>35510763
IvenNEVER seen that before, actually funny

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>>35510783
Tiny was fun to have around

>>35509641
original one plzz

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>>35510796
Most old fags were a kick I must say

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>>35509275
This on is fokin' gold. Gets me every time.

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Still gets me

>This is from my time in Eastern Europe. I tried to make it as short as I could, but it's totally worth it.

>We had a guy who'd come in around the same time as me. He was maybe 6' 230 mid 20s. This guy would come in, bench 180kg for reps, squat around 250kg, and I've seen him deadlift 280kg all for reps. All of them, no sound, no visible effort. Literally like a machine. Except, he was this pasty scruffy Bulgarian looking dude. He wasn't ripped, he wasn't even built. He had a little gut, and looked like he should be pulling a tractor out of the mud somewhere. His workout buddy was as far as I could tell a 130lb 14 year old Mongolian boy. He once had the Mongolian watch me as I was squatting and gave me a thumbs-up, made my day. My workout buddy and I talked about him all the time, he's still the strongest person I've ever seen in my life. Later on we started calling him Zangief, this is the story about how he got that name.

>Anyway, one day we were up in the weight room. I was squatting, and Zangief was getting ready to deadlift. This enormous juiced up, super fake tanned bodybuilder comes in. Guy is like 6'3 250?, I mean I've never seen a pro up close, but this guy looks a 40 year old version of that. Behind him is his fitness model girlfriend also in her 40s. Super shredded, incredibly dark tanned, bleached hair, and a huge fake rack. They go over to the Smith, and Bodybuilder comes and does a walk-around of the tiny weight-room staring all of us down. Like he thinks he's a silverback gorilla or something, and we better not look at his woman. He's constantly glaring at us from his corner, the situation is a little uncomfortable.

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>>35508062

>>35512545
>My buddy and I get to our squats, and Zangief is deadlifting while the Mongolian boy watches. Zangief has worked up to ~250kg or so, every time he puts the bar down the floor is shaking. It's just the six of us in there, and Zangief is doing some serious reps. Finally he's done and he strips the bar down for the Mongolian to deadlift. I only notice because it's quiet in the gym now.

>Suddenly I hear some noise and look over. It's Zangief laughing. He has his shirt off and he's waving it around his head. He's shaking his pasty gut at the fitness chick, and then he starts doing one-handed power snatches with 80kg. He's laughing and doing some weird Russian looking dance. The little Mongolian boy is so happy he's jumping in the air like a Japanese schoolgirl and he's shouting "Zangief, Zangief, Zangief".

>The bodybuilder has turned his face away and is literally trying to pretend this isn't happening. He's furious, but it's not like he can even begin to consider getting in a fight with this piece of human farm equipment. The bodybuilder has totally deflated, him and his girlfriend leave the weight-room within a few minutes. It was the funniest, craziest, weirdest thing I've seen in a weight-room. I have no idea who Zangief really was, or why he spent so much time with this Mongolian child.

>>35509617

Jesus this was my thread. NOSTALGIA

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>>35512555

>>35512545
>>35512555
Who are you quoting?

>>35509628
You really expect me to believe they didn't account for the hole in the weight?

Make 50 Lbs. weight. Cut 5 Lbs. hole. Even Supermang could figure this shit out.

Dumbest thing I've ever heard.

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>>35509275
Made me chuckle, thanks anon

>>35512545
That's not how you greentext

>>35512780
Your mom greentexts

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>>35512555

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Where the meme came from. Might be hard to believe but it was funny the first time.

>>35509275
I laugh just from the thumbnail.

>>35512835
Your mom greentexts about my dick.

>>35509682
holy shit are his arms backwards. How do you fix that?

>>35512554
kek'd

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>>35512545
Is your green texting skills the ylyl part?

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On lenny at the Ruby

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Hopefully one of these you faggots haven't seen yet. Problem with /fit/ humour threads is its the same shit over and over again. Jeez, I don't even know why I've posted anything but fuck it, I've already done the captcha

>>35512694
Lmao are you autistic
I bet you count the bar when you tell people your bench press stats

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>>35514508

>>35514682
I was in that thread
I even posted some of my stories

glad they didn't show up though but it helps
you never sperg alone... never brehs

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>>35509607
Fuck.

>>35509641
Seen this pic doing the rounds. As based as our natty saviour is, what's the original pic?

>>35510680
Is that Tiny? Fuck I don't think I've ever seen his face before

>>35512520
Was there for the start of that thread. Glad to see how it all ended

>>35509628
This is wrong on many lvls, but still is gold

>>35508378
this is the dumbest thing thats ever made me laugh

>>35508062
POO IN THA LOO

>>35509556
Best one.

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>>35508062

>1440x2560
>on a phone

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>>35509607

>>35512555
I wish to be as strong as this zangief.

>>35514974
No someone shaved a monkey for a joke

>>35514640
I like everything but the part where some sperglord claims mint and chocolate don't go together

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>>35512490
My sides have left this planet

>>35509597
phuckin classic

>>35508342
Tell that to kanjiclub!

>>35512545
>>35512555
Faggiest story I've ever read.

>>35515329
I'm in a hair salon stifling laughter

>>35515894
Lol. Was that adie?

>>35509556
Are you me?

>>35515894
löl

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>>35515965
idk i just saved it from one of these threads

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My all time favourite

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>>35516013

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Not even flexing tho

>>35515242

How is he a cuck if he fucked as many random whores as she's had dicks?

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>>35516023

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>>35512490

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>>35508062
not from fit but still funny

>>35514880
kek I think I was the OP for that one. that was the one posted yesterday about me sperging out when asking a girl out right?

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>>35514777
Reminds me of this. From back when /fit/ was Health & Fitness.

>>35516142
Holy fuck
Lmao

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>>35514533
mfw when i thought this image is real first time i've seen it

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>>35516189

>>35512555
Some guys are just fucking built to be monsters.
My grand-uncle was a farmer and would pick up fully grown pigs, no problem, whenever he was gonna slaughter them or just move them.
"Too much time to herd them over."

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>>35510763
ive been on fit for years how did I never see this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0eZTtpIQbI

>>35514895
doing shit to get chicks, never.

>>35516220
>tfw you will never look like that
>tfw you will never surf through life on looks alone

It hurts.

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More old shit.

>>35509640
lel

>>35516087
shit I want to see this

>>35515965
Adie is kill

>>35516268
just be yourself

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>>35516308
But I'm not sexy.

>>35516314
That doesn't mean you have to be such a little bitch about it

>>35509585
Underrated as fuck
>I cant believe its not butter
Holy kek

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>>35516334
>le tough guy

>>35512555
That man's name? Albert Einstein.

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>>35509607
Not humour senpai...

>>35509585

That guy on the right looks like he's been interrupted halfway through breastfeeding.

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>>35514611

>>35516087
Based germans

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Bumping with probably my favorite /fit/ post of all time

>>35516264
Gotta eat big to get big.

>>35516220
This shit right here.
You know she's under 18.
Why must the gods be so cruel.
Wouldwreck/10

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>>35516526
i was about to call this guy a faggot for putting on a belt and chalking up to bench 225, but.. fuck man

>>35516705
Keked at locker room terrorist. So why is it called "King Arthur" I didn't get that in the New Years comic either, the fat king sitting in the rack or whatever. Figured I missed a reference.

>>35516264

why are tiny asians so good at eating

>>35516264
imagine the farts

>>35508109
Still would smash

>>35508109
looks lime Mitch Jones

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>>35509275

>... screamed the stable boy.

everytiem

>>35516264
Hell yea , mutherfucker just inspired me to make a big ass shake . 1 tbsp pb , 2 scoops whey , 1 cup special k protein cereal , 2cups lactose free milk , fuaaark about to hit deads and squats

>>35512520
Oh god I remember that thread but didnt see it through to the end. Absolutely hilarious/10

>>35516075
Cvck master general

>>35516240
As a traditionalist I heard he also carried a fully grown pig over the threshold after he married your grandma

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>>35516526
this makes me lose it every time.

>>35516705
Of course the terrorist pulls sumo

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>>35517010

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>>35517028
oh no, where else can I find milk

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>>35517044

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>>35517054

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>>35517070

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>>35517078
I found the milk, but can the milk find me?

>>35516978
I really want this to be true

>>35516021
Tried this in town... Can confirm it works.

>>35516782
it's just because he's sitting in a throne and king arthur is a common king, it could be king [anything] i think.

>>35508109
I don't get it :c

>>35516872
>special k protein cereal
>>special k
>>>protein cereal

have fun literally never making it

>>35508378
ebin

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>>35516872
>Special K
Its like you never want to make it

>>35516782
posiden is the faggot who keeps flushing the urinal which causes it to overflow, flooding the locker room

>>35516872
Don't listen to everyone shitting on special k, it actually has base anabolic properties that given a special ingredient (ketamime hence the k) becomes a powerful supplement.

>>35517273
this
though would smash

>>35516264
This guy's jawline is unreal

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>>35510811
>>35514960
literally google niggers.

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>>35508151
is this a meme now i seen the original post of this and i replyed to it with a link to this post

>>35514974
anon please that's clearly a chimp.

>>35510796
>not even 6-8%bf
Why even bother with dnp.

>>35508151

I know this is copy pasta but I still laughed

>>35517759
i used to try this when i was younger but could never make it work

>>35516978
I fucking lost my shit hard at this

>>35516266
what about bribing them with money?

>>35516075
Because the more sexual partners a woman has the less stable she'll end up being, women arent mean to be having sex with a shitload of men, there are plenty of studies supporting that claim, it is how it is

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>>35516464
jesus fucking christ look at those arms...he should probably diddly over a ton

>>35516782
>>35517198

I'm pretty sure King Arthur had a really long reign, the joke is that there's that douchebag in the gym who just uses up a power rack so other people can't use it.

>>35517092
lel

>>35513463
Delete this

>>35509585
>Auschwitz
Laughed for miles.

>>35512554
:)

>>35518181
You want a killer orgasm? Take a decent amount of benadryl, like 500mgs or so, and then fap. With how relaxed your muscles are it's a completely uninhibited finish, I really can't put it in words, once I thought I was going to fall down because it felt so good

anyone have the picture of the thread where someone calls out the manlet by his phone model? requesting all pictures calling out malets

>>35510680
Tiny wasn't the best looking guy but he wasn't awful. I'd say he was a 7/10 and had a 10/10 body to match... That is, except for his height.

>>35516825
it kinda does desu senpai

>>35516271
is that one of those abtronic bullshit machines? I always wondered if those things actually accomplished something besides emptying your bank account

>>35518947
They stick them in your but at Guantanamo Bay and use it to milk your prostate until you physically can't cum anymore and then they keep going.

But no, that's pretty much it.

>>35518961
>They stick them in your but at Guantanamo Bay and use it to milk your prostate until you physically can't cum anymore and then they keep going.
What if I want to use it for recreational purposes?

>>35509556
holy shit i hope they became a couple and lived happily ever after with perfect babies

>>35516526
>dont know what a "datura" is
>look it up
>poisonous plant
Why the fuck would you eat that.

>>35515693
;^)

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>>35508342
is this the new meme

>>35519022
anon pussied out, I just know he fucking did.

>>35516978
tldr

>>35515588
they don't, you fucking nigger

>>35508062
Quasi means almost

>>35508109
Why do I find this so attractive?

>>35516391
hearty kek

>>35510763
>Chico state

yep, its all makes sense now

>>35509275
Lmfao

>>35519032
It's, at least to my knowledge, one of if not the most powerful hallucinogenic substance, blows lsd out of the water. This is because it is a deliriant, meaning it creates hallucinations that you cannot separate from reality. With shrooms or lsd you can see what is and isn't real and it's fun to see surfaces "breath" because you realize they're moving like that because you're tripping. With deliriants you can sit and talk to a lamp shade for 3 hours and never realize why it's nonsensical is why you're doing it.

Another thing is that it's completely legal.

If you want to experience deliriants in a much safer way just go find some sleep pills that have only diphenhydramamine and take like 600mg, it will make you giggle like an idiot for 5 minutes thinking about posting a response and then forgetting what you were going to post

>>35510796
I miss ATIWAB, he was an asshole and i liked him

>>35510680
Goodbye tiny, you were too beautiful.

>>35518901
you're ugly, aren't you

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>>35514682
jesus christ and I thought I was horribly oblivious and socially awkward sometimes.

>>35519218
Because the time when you could hit on cute emo girls has most likely passed. They arent really around any more and most of us are to old for it anyways.

>>35519298
Tldr

>>35519342
if you're too lazy to read it you're not worthy of a summary.

>>35517759
George wasn't in the batting cages he was in Yankee Stadium fucking casuals.

>>35519246
the only drug I can find without any hassle is Lorazepam, anything else is out of the picture.
:(

>>35519505
You can go to Walgreens and buy a bottle of pills with diphenhydramamine for 12 bucks, no prescription or anything

That said I wouldn't really recommend it, the trips are kind of disturbing. Auditory hallucinations that sound like whispers of people conspiring to get you, or people knocking on your door, visual hallucinations of doors opening and door knobs melting

>>35509275
What's the app? I know it's kik based but do you download an extension or something?

>>35509628
Okay, I have a question. Are all barbells weighted to 45lbs? Because the one I have is light as fuck, there's no way.

>>35515693
ugh

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love yah, Jonnie

>>35518331
Sources?

>>35516932
Gold

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>>35516978
10/10

>>35516087
Fucking kek, sauce?

>>35519022
>>35519078

He later replied that he had a gf/wife already, and wasn't going to do anything.

>>35509617
God damn
You're telling me straight people have to rip open the vag to have sex?

>>35508543
Reddit

>>35508074
What does 15 reps do to pecs?

>>35520362
Only if the hymen isn't already broken, which can happen by itself, without penetration, anyway.

>>35520362
dude, anal fissures and micro tears is how aids is so wide spread in the homosexual community.

>>35520515
Solidifies them.

>>35516464
Pic looks like dat dere Lamar Gant. Dude had severe curving of the spine(kyphosis),which gave him a short torso,but really really long arms comparatively.

The man pulled over 5 times bodyweight tho, a record which i believe still stands.

>>35515894

Every time.

>>35519301
>born too late to hit on emo chicks
>born too early to hit on chicks on Mars colony
>born just in time for tfwnogf

>>35521070
>born too late to hit on emo chicks
consider yourself lucky, keeping them from killing themselves in a stoned out hyper emotional daze was a pain in the ass.

>>35515693
Something something you have autism something something automoderator

>>35509628
>being close to the sun makes your lifts easier
Only during the day! At night, the suns increased gravity is actually pulling the weights down through the earth, increasing your lift

>>35516978

Its good but obviously fake

>>35516088

dubs for f-15

f-15 mai planefu all other planefus are shit

fight me faggots

>>35517092
>>35517054
KEK

>>35516314

>le white knight here

as a woman/trap, you're going to be attractive to someone no matter what

you can surf through life just fine, you just gotta find the right dudes to coast on

ideally ones that can support your weight

>>35516073
Is tthat a thermometer in his mouth?

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>>35509607
I can be wrong but to me it seems that they were trying to set up a treesome with anon.

semi /fit/ humour

>>35510746
I kept reading it as 4chan pic wins and confused my self

>>35522345
the look of disgust on his best men's faces

>>35512694
>>35514763
Please guys stop. Its because of fuckers like you I didn't count the bar for months until I realized I was retarded.

>>35522345
... Don't suppose you know where that photo was taken? It looks exactly like this rose garden near mine.

>>35522345
nigga that's the rose garden at botanical gardens wellington?

>>35522442
I'm not the only Wellingtonian here?

>>35522448
There's 3 of us apparently lol. Me you and the guy who posted the pic

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>>35522448
>>35522459
Two of you, I'm not from Wellington (not even from the UK), this pic was just in my humour folder.

>>35522468
Well that's a nutty coinkeydink. Surprised that fat chick was able to labour around the Wellington hills. There appears to be a distinct lack of large people in Central, I theorize that it is due to all the hills either discouraging fatties from moving to Welly or that it makes them lose weight.

>>35519675
Genuinely disgusted by the top image. It makes my skin crawl.

>>35512736
someone tldr this for me
its 4am and i dont have the patience right now

>>35518331
i agree with the first part about being stable
but i dont know about the second part
wouldnt it make more sense if she was just banging a bunch of alphas from different tribes?

>>35517985
makes you think of how old the op is
and wtf is he doing on 4chan

>>35516021
Fuck, i remember some anon then recorded himself trying to dance to show how that would look like. Anyone has that webm?

>>35515894
> only an hour

>>35523632
this scares me for some reason

>>35522345
The fuck?? What kinds of friends are they to let this happen, then fucking support it?

>>35522416
Fucking idiot, you probably don't count your arm weight either do you? At least tell me you count your body weight when you squat.

>>35523767

Have you ever tried telling a male friend that he shouldn't be with his partner?

>>35522840
Not really, she can only get pregnant once at a time, whereas the alpha can impregnate as much as he wants/can. For some reason people want to look to nature for homosex, but turn a blind eye to alpha males having multiple females. That and child support laws have highly discouraged alphas from procreating, which is why in a few generations man will be further weakened.

>>35516932
lost

>>35509275
>>35510664
>>35510664
my sides in space

>>35523790
Yes. And no, it did not go well, but I sure as hell would not have gone to his wedding if he had married the clearly self destructive whore he was with. Instead, after he told me to get the fuck out of his life, I told him I knew he was pissed, but that he knew I would never say anything unless I was truly concerned, and left. A couple months later he called me to apologize and told me he broke up with her, because he could see what I was talking about. He thanked me, repeatedly, and a few years later ended up marrying an awesome girl who we all love. So no, it's not easy, and I knew I was risking losing a friend, but I cared about my bro enough that I was willing to sacrifice our friendship if there was a chance he wouldn't destroy his life.

>>35510680
#southsid :(
whatever happened to him? anyone on fitocracy?

>>35523632

Stub central

>>35509628
I get it's meant to be a funny lil meme, but... that's not how gravity works.

>>35524663
Ayy lmao

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One of the subtle funny things Scooby did when he had his trip was to post reaction images and they'd be "saved as" another filename.
So the riddler scooby was under "4chanJokerMe" or something like that

>>35524663

Wasted oppertunity. Guy acted as if he was on E. With all the A, B, C going on I thought it was foreshadowing.

>>35524845

What? I dont get it.

>>35519675
Everytime I see this I feel so bad for the dad.
got cucked by his wife's half-downy genetics.

>>35519650
No. Most standard sized barbells that you'll find on a bench or rack in America are 45lbs, but there are also 25lb bars.

>>35523600
>meatspin.com

>>35519075
never fucking reply to me unless you're contributing to this thread

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>>35513463
Brehs, are we all just waiting to die?

>>35517092
>>35517078
>>35517070
>>35517054
>>35517044
>>35517028
>>35517010

Kekked so hard. Thanks /fit/

>>35524845
/fit/ hasn't been the same since he left

>>35524924
THEY'RE FAT!

>>35522818
/fit/izen goes into great detail about how he would ruin cartoon character doug funnys life

>>35525351
nah, we're livin life

>>35525351
Yes, but how you choose to pass the time while waiting is up to you.

>>35517070
>>35517078
>>35517054
thats one of the few reasons to vist /fit/

>>35519081
you missin' out

>>35524965
He fucked that so. also if he knew that would happen why keep going?

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>>35513463
This was supposed to be a fun thread anon. This got me so bad.

>>35515329
you haven't been here long, have you?

>>35509646
ouch

>>35524907
That's what happens when people don't know how to handle their booze. Some people nail it the first time, for some it takes years and years. For me it took like ten years to learn how to drink without turning into a total retard.

>>35510796
Lol, he looks like such a faggot without beard. How is this possible that he got with that queen of /fit/, whatever her name was?

>>35521534
Not really, because Earth is a satellite of Sun. There's zero gravity on staellites, it's a common knowledge. So in reality your 2pl8s weigh nothing.>>35509628

>>35522416
I hope this is true. Thanks for the laugh, anon.

>>35516087
sauce?

>>35516021
Kek

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>>35516379
Tfw no gf in the background, kek

Also posting this old classic

>>35523585
Fascinating fat distribution

>>35518331
From these studies it appears that it only matters if she's a virgin. Further on a woman who fucked 2 is almost as unstable as woman who fucked 10. I think 1 previous partner was just a hair above the rest and miles under a virgin.
In conclusion, in present world it's probably better to not care about it, cause we all know that there are almost no virgins older than 20.

>>35516464
And that's why powerlifting is a joke. You can't go by just weird proportions in the olympics.

>>35527620
What are you talking about, Lamar has a good deadlift but can't squat worth shit. It's compensated in the end. Don't be a goofy nigger.

>>35516023
holy shit i know that guy

>>35516023
>>35527855
this guys name is ninja nate he was on the news a week ago promoting some jedi light saber training or some shit

>>35523592
are those fucking 30's

>>35522345
there's a whole bunch of focking elephants trampling the roses around

>>35523600
lostit.exe

>>35527694
Still, he's a record holder. Make him do any olympic lift and he wouldn't stand a chance. I'm not gloryfing olympic lifts, as I'm not into them, but at least the rules are clear and there's no room for rom shortening (get it? room, rom, haha)

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Scoliosis. Kyphosis is Quasimodo mode

>>35528496
>>35520754
Meant to respond to you. Fuck

>>35528459
Except that all these chinese and korean motherfuckers are ruling the sport because they are shortening the ROM with their oompa loompa legs. They're also catching their cleans and snatches way upright because of this.

>>35528543
Nothing wrong with that. They compete against other oompa loompas in their weight class. And catching cleans upright is a technique, not ROM shortening. ROM is still the same.

>>35508151
News at 11: anon gets judgemental.