Supreme gentlemen of /fa/, I'm in the verge of the abyss.
I wish to design a new existence for myself. I am graduating this year at the age of 24 and I still haven't found whatever you are supposed to find that gives direction to your life. I have very little job experience because school was so demanding that I had to employ all my time in working to mantain a respectable average. Because of this, I have always been economically dependent of my parents and it has taken a big blow in my self-steem. I feel like I have never made any decisions on my own and I'm still a child, while my chilhood friends, ex-gfs and people I grew up with are starting their independent lives, having "mature" romantic and sexual relationships and enjoying an independence that, even though it is demanding economically and personally, yields a reward of self-sufficiency that I have never experienced.
It's been many years since I have been living on my own on my parents' money, and I've been trying to fight these feelings in a variety of ways: I started lifting and became somewhat strong, I fixed my appearance and dress now in a /fa/ way that compliments me and I cultivated a nice social life with new people while maintaining the people I care about in my life close to me. However, I feel I'm falling behind and whenever I graduate, things won't change and I will be a child faking it in the real world.
I would like to know what do you consider an acceptable standard of living as an adult, a /fa/ lifestyle that makes you feel good with yourself and with your role in society.
Clothes are not the answer when the problem lies deeper.
>inb4 babby's first existential crisis.
tl;dr: Are you happy with your lifestyle right now? Where would you like to be in comparison to where you are now? What makes a /fa/ lifestyle?
Sounds like you've got the security that will help with life. I'd say, to grow as a person, really put yourself out there, literally and figuratively.
Go travelling. Try your best to have experiences that develop and broaden your mind.
Maybe even consider seeing a therapist or counsellor. There's no shame in it (I suppose it could be kind of effay too) and you'll benefit, even a little bit.
Leave the security you've established for yourself, reach a level of self sufficiency that puts you on the verge of poverty. Reach a kind of rock bottom. You seem capable, so then bring yourself back up to where you want to be. With your new knowledge and wisdom, you won't fall prey to the same pitfalls you have before.
But what the fuck do I know, I'm six years younger than you.
Also, this is a fashion board. Try /adv/ maybe.
That's great. I mean, with my limited and child-like knowledge in matters like this, I don't see why you wouldn't feel the way you want to. I dunno. I'd say travel and live on the bread line for like a year or so. Other than that, I hope someone with better advise comes to set you straight.
>I will be a child faking it in the real world
So is everybody else.
>what do you consider an acceptable standard of living as an adult
Any standard of living as an adult is acceptable.
I cannot give you advice that will fit into one comment, I doubt anyone here can. But I guarantee you, if you read Eckhard Tolle - Power of Now, you will have all your questions answered.
What's "acceptable" is what you choose to accept.
How you believe you will be in the future, what kind of person you think will have absolutely no issues with this is what you need to think about first. How will you act, speak, think, and why? For the vast majority of people, how they see the future playing out is directly tied to what they believe themselves capable of, or what is "appropriate" to the kind of person they are. If there is a bit of a child in your post, it's the fact that you're not believing in your own ability to find these answers quite thoughtfully and naturally as a part of maturing. There's nothing wrong about looking for outside sources of help, but are you sure that you've done what you know you can do? Do you understand enough about your own problems? Are you being realistic or too disparaging?
From the way you put it, you're damn well off in terms of how you take responsibility for yourself and your actions. "Childishness" is a word that probably has a lot of weight in your mind, like an eternally pressing dread, or an afterthought to every decision you choose not to make. Many people come to have some sort of term in their mind they feel represents the negative side of themselves, their personalities or their actions that they are attached to, and resistance is almost always how they choose to "fight" it. You probably know this, but emotions are not meant to be damning. Fear, anxiety, shame, apathy are all responses conditioned by you and what you do with em, all most easily dealt with by accepting them.
Not to get into that self-help guru bullshit, but I want to tell you not to "fight" those feelings. You have to accept the person you are. If it's not clear how one thing ties in with the rest of your mind, figure it out. If you consider those feelings of inadequacy to be a part of your life and identity, you need to be okay with this aspect of yourself. Because whether you accept it or not, it is who you are.
tldr do drugs in nature
I feel sorta like this. My biggest issues are with lack of identity and drive/motivation to do much of anything. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after accidentally almost drinking myself to death and getting committed to a mental ward. it's probably a reasonably /fa/ disorder, behind narcissism.
I structure my life according to my values and am becoming increasingly focused on goals and dreams with decreasing regard for external expectations.
I work in a health care job and unlike most people I know I don't have to make any sacrifices to make a living; I am absolutely morally and ethically on board with my job and it is necessary and makes me feel competent and needed; I only work three 10 hr days and then have 4 days off every week.
I make about 28k/yr but I have structured my life in such a way that that is more than enough. I don't have any student debt because I have no post-secondary education, I don't need/want a car, I just ride my bike (that I got for free) or walk since I live fairly central. I split a two-bedroom place with a roommate but I'm moving to a new place on my own in the spring. I rarely go out to eat and I don't drink. I smoke a fair bit of pot and spend money on clothes maybe a little too much but I have a mutual fund that I contribute to.
I also try to always be goal oriented. I write science fiction I want to submit something to a genre magazine for publication sometime this year and I am working on a couple comic books that I might try to self-publish and sell at local conventions and on consignment in shops.
I don't know, OP, I don't know if this will help, I mostly just rambled about my life.
The point is, I'm around your age and over recent years have learned that I have to determine my own values and goals and move in that direction and not be bound by external expectations for what I should have or do.
I'm lucky enough to have weird artist parents who lead by example and old me to do what makes me happy and not worry about money. I was also taught to be a conscientious consumer and take pride in things I purchase which kind of sparked my interest in clothing; buying clothes is not some magic thing that will make you happy but it can be a method of self-care to put effort into your appearance and feel good about it.
Get a job as soon as you can and work hard at it, stop accepting hand outs from your family if they make you feel like a dependent bitch.
Being able to support yourself feels great, even if you live in a small apartment in a crappy neighborhood.
You write like the kid on my English classes that didn't "get" Hemingway. Write less and stop ornamenting mediocrity.
Yes, you are being left behind. Your lack of a job is the crux of your issue. If you have money to buy clothing, use it to find a paying job anywhere. Ideally, move far away from your unfortunately burdened parents. Stop comparing yourself to your peers, social media is used as a filter to show you only what they want you to see. Man up.
>Are you happy with your lifestyle right now?
I loathe my job but it is a stepping stone to where I eventually want to be, so yes. My lifestyle continues to have an upward trajectory.
>Where would you like to be in comparison to where you are now?
Richer, more powerful, and more famous. Also maybe a wife.
>What makes a /fa/ lifestyle?
That's so irrelevant in comparison to other targets you should be hitting (i.e. having a fulfilled lifestyle) that I don't think it's worth answering.
I'm probably that kid. College didn't do me any good in that aspect.
To the rest who contributed to the thread, thank you. I can see some things more clearly now. I will get more definite goals on my own and stop worrying about what others expect of me. Might even move out of the country I live in and find a meaningful job with the help of some friends.
if at all possible in your line of expertise, try to found a company. It's hard work but ultimately fulfilling.
I guess everyone's not up for it, but I know that's what I'm working on and what I'm excited for in my future.
(maybe I'm projecting my ideals onto you)