ITT: Discussion of BDSM, Techniques, Implements, Experiences, Fantasies, Stories, Meetups, Porn, and Dubious Advice.
Fetlife Group -> https://fetlife.com/groups/66560
irc channel: irc.irchighway.net , #bdsmg
Star Wars, SF, and Fantasy edition. Given the recent split with /h/, /d/, and /aco/ it’ll be a challenge to find “eastern style” star wars art. In the mean time I’ll be happy thinking of power perversions.
The BDSM is what gives kinksters their power. It’s an energy field created by all deviant things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds all us sexy freaks together. There’s also good ol’ fashioned rope which works great for binding people together.
Think about all the teacher student fantasies that have run through your mind. Then include lightsabers, force powers, and star ships. Ever wanted to try out electric stimulation? Think about all the sith who can summon lightning through their finger tips.
For all the subs out there, imagine having a collar pulled from several rooms away. Or feeling wrapped up in another's presence with a waive of their hand and a soft "you will go to your knees."
Personally I'm looking forward to how Disney opens up to different relationship dynamics. When Lucas was at the helm he wouldn't allow any variation in sexuality. The In the SWTOR MMO Bioware has been able to slip things in after Disney purchased the IP. Hell, even in the recent Star Wars Rebels show we have an inter species couple front and center. Sexy Twi'lek for the win.
The question for me is, of course, have you been seduced by the dark side?
(FYI: finding actual StarWars Hentai work is hard!)
The old Star Wars trilogy had plenty of awesome unintentional double entendres and suggestive stuff (incest kisses anyone? Twi'lek and rebel princess sex slaves? Suggestions of giant spaceslug rape?) but I imagine the next six Disney films will be more open about sexuality, even if it is (ugh) Disney, because J.J. Abrams didn't shy away from sexualizing Star Trek in those movies.
Sith sex should be a fun concept for us, but I doubt we'll be that lucky. Some sort of ultra-spiritual Jedi love maybe? Meh. Not for me, but I'd settle for a Sith getting off on sadistically zapping someone with his magic fingers.
I wouldn't call it seduction, so much as a gleeful embrace the moment I found out the sith were a thing. In terms of ideal career I'd rank being a sith lord just behind being a Ghost Buster.
I hadn't thought about how the movies would be under J.J. Abram's guidance. He's been open about romance scenes between Spock and Uhura.
Honestly I'd like to see how the new trilogy explores relationships. Any organization wouldn't be sustainable with power hungry jackasses with chronic back stabbing syndrome. One of these days I'd like to read about sith that actually care for one another.
Recently, the thing I have most liked to do has been helping others out. I have enjoyed (to a surprising degree) trying to offer all the help I can and being useful, making positive differences for people. I haven't seen this as being related to BDSM in any way, but I've heard of that type of thing being incorporated into D/s relationships so I was hoping you might be able to tell me about that. I know very little so any information about how helping others out can potentially be a part of BDSM is appreciated. I don't know whether I'd want it in that context but I'd definitely like to know more. How common is it for this to be a part of BDSM?
Anyone know any good bondage games? I'm looking for something along the lines of Super Deep Throat
I've got a request for advice.
So I met my girlfriend this past May, been dating since July. I met her in a completely vanilla capacity but about a month-six weeks in I mentioned kink and we've been exploring it since. She had no experience while I've had years of interest but very little real time experience myself.
The problem is, we both identify as subs for the most part. We switch for each other, but it always feels like her topping is something she's doing "for me" and doesn't feel like a power shift or anything - if I wince, she apologizes.
So, two things -
Does anybody have any recommendations on enjoying topping more? For both myself and her.
Does anybody have any thoughts on expressing this - how to discuss it, what to say, what might help, etc?
What the fuck, why is there a random foot in that pic? Are bored guards having an impromptu martial arts contest nearby? Is it Rin Tezuka directing the torture of one of her rivals? What?
Repost from other thread: Does anyone have experience with phone/internet controlled vibrators? In a long distance relationship with my sub and thought a smart vibe would be a good Christmas gift. Looked at all the popular models. but the only ones I can find are made for vaginal/clitoral use and she's trans. and they're all really expensive.
Does anyone know a smart vibe good for external use on penises, or for anal play? Possibly for a reasonable price?
Honestly, she just doesn't seem like a domme. It's not something you can force, anon. It seems like she just wants you to be her dom. If that's not comfortable for you either, then the two of you might be incompatible, at least as far as BDSM goes. Doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful romantic and sexual relationship, but maybe you should consider seeing other people to fulfill your kink needs?
I was kind of afraid of hearing that, since I do love her very much, and I know that polygamy is not an option. I'm not certain I could go through with it, and I'm fairly confident she wouldn't be open to it.
I still feel like no, since as she was vanilla when we started it was a very significant bonding experience to explore kinky things together and I'm assuming she prefers to keep it to just us.
That being said, I don't know for sure and would have to talk to her.
It can entail plenty of things, depending on one's personal fetishes. Bondage, slapping, spanking, choking, tickling, teasing, even something as simple as giving commands for ordinary mundane tasks.
That's kinda what I assumed, and I think that stuff is just kind of sexualized in our relationship so it may be difficult to explain the draw to them being something besides some sort of arousal.
I'm sorry - I'm really not trying to shoot everything you're suggesting down and very earnestly appreciate the consideration. I'll probably at least try talking over some of this stuff with her!
>romance scenes between Spock and Uhura.
That's the only sex you remember from the J.J. Trek films?
Kid Kirk was spreading SpaceTDs to every green-skinned ensign in Starfleet.
In the second movie he had some twin tail in his bed. Literally.
Star Wars is overdue to get it's freak on too. I feel it in my bone, Chewie's gunna get him some strange.
And Sith have feelings too you know, Palpatine was practically Vader's Dom: always there watching and controlling his every move with total authority, locking him inside an inescapable suit of black leather and metal, undermining those meek attempts at independence, withholding praise in order to elevate it's value, pushing his boundaries past common decency, playing fun little games of betrayal...
Sith is Love.
Don't be too gentle when massaging, or you'll tickle them, which defeats the purpose. Rub your thumbs along the lines of their soles with a bit of pressure. In terms of worship, lots of kissing and rubbing. The most important part of worship is showing how much you love their feet, so get into it and enjoy yourself
>Does anybody have any recommendations on enjoying topping more? For both myself and her.
You could try is a more gentle femmedom/loving master type of scenario. Since you mentioned that she doesn't like causing you pain, and the same is probably true in reverse, focus on the dominance aspect in a compassionate-but-firm scenario.
There's a different mentality to it that I personally find appealing, despite being more of a sub myself. It's much easier to be dominant when caring for someone else, restricting them while still focusing on bringing them pleasure.
Read over the Gentle Femdom General thread and see how you like it.
Does anyone have any experience with handcrafting leather/bondage?
I told a girl I'd make her a handmade gift for Christmas and she was incredibly receptive when I joked about it being bondage related.
I was considering trying my hand at making either a gag, collar or wrist/ankle-straps with D rings.
Hi fellow /d/eviants,
I need some technical help.
The imageboard shanachan (ex-iichan, ex-wakachan) has a neat collection of various fetish pics. But I can't mass download it, DownThemAll won't work (Error 503) and it's tedious to download one-by-one.
Do you have a magic wand to help me?
You give me countless fapping materials and I want to give it back to you.
So, I'll download it all and mass post collections here.
(broken english... I know)
Oh hey, i go on shanachan too. I'm not sure if there's an easy way to do it right on the site. There's chrome add ons for that though if you really wanna though.
Here, try this
> you will never dominate your emotionally and physically defeated gf
I'd hate this kind of dom. the kind you could never earn any respite from, obedience always being rewarded with more visceral punishment. the fear of being killed for a sexual thrill.
i used to have a girlfriend that was into really intense submission, so much that i asked her if she needed any sort of psychological counseling at one point because what she asked for was way too extreme at the time
i got accustomed to it and in some ways i kind of like it. we'll wait to see how our relation goes and hopefully restart
I know, it's kinda the antithesis of masochism to only ever suffer.
Where's the game in that? The novelty? The joys of anticipation?
i don't know anymore is suffering and enjoyment can be seen as more leaning towards being objective rather than subjective, based on how far people take it
i remember one point where my gf wanted me to set her on fire and put her out quickly, then throw salt and rubbing alcohol on her before sex. that was one of the really big scares, since not only did she buy the fuel and salt, but i was scared of her doing any sort of self-harm so i told her to take a needed break from our relationship to get her head straight
some people are just so deep into masochism that they cannot bring themselves to genuinely suffer without enjoying it. kind of a contradiction, but i dont know what else to say about that extremity of masochism
I have a personal theory about that sort of thing:
I always figured that masochism for the sake of perversion must differ from that sort of extreme self-destructive painlove.
Kinda like how Sexual Sadists aren't the same animal as sadistic serial killers or rapists.
It's similar but distinctly not the same in a fundamental way.
There's some ingredient that's just missing in masochism like that.
I always get that gut feeling about it when I hear about these sorts of stories.
i'm seriously submissive, too, but the issue is not the severity of play but rather the unwinability, the expectations that cannot be met. being punished for not moving up the steps fast enough is different than being punished for not climbing a smooth featureless wall.
It's happening. The hype is dead. The worry is real.
[spoiler]I couldn't find a better place for this.[/spoiler]
try bulk downloading the links somehow since the clicking the pictures only sends you to a direct image link
I guess it's a need that can be seen as either submissive or caretaking, isn't it? As a submissive, you might crave praise and have an inherent yearning for validation through the approval of others, justly earned. As a dominant, you might crave the comfort of knowing that the people around you are safe and happy and well and that you're capable of looking out for them. I don't know. It's lovely, anon. You're lovely. Go find a puppy and give it a big kiss.
I agree with this. Anon, if a sub girl isn't looking for what you want, there will be a dom girl out there who will adore you for it. The sub guy I'm interested in right now was pushed away by his girlfriend because she was submissive too, and if that hadn't happened, I might never have approached him about his interest in kink. I mean sure, he might have been some kind of happy with that girl if she hadn't rejected him like that, but I believe I can make him happier. <3
Speaking as a dom, pls don't make unicorns out of us to meet your needs. I just got out of a situation like that and it was very upsetting and stressful. Approach people as potential equals in your journey, not as pieces to fit a niche in your sex life.
The absolute LEWDEST thing is when a guy sticks his tongue between my toes. Oh my god. So lewd. Too lewd, in fact.
Can anyone source this? It was posted on /pol/ in a story about a female teacher taking advantage of a male student.
I've just spent 3 hours looking for it
In the spirit of the season
better yet, is being tricked into thinking your dom is giving you the steps, making you perform some task or "beat" some cunning predicament bondage, luring you in with the promise of SO MANY ORGASMS and pleasurable rewards if you succeed, but cruel, sadistic use and torture if you fail. Eagerly accepting because the task seems achievable, but tough enough to make your reward well-earned. Then, once you've committed yourself to the test, and are unable to change your mind or pull out, you realise the task is a lot tougher or more cunning than you first thought, and as you try harder to win, you get more and more fearful and desperate as you gradually come to realise that the task is impossible, your dom had no intention to do anything but torture you for their amusement, that one way or another, you are going to be punished and worst of all, YOU CHOSE THIS WILLINGLY.
Mind games and fear make everything hotter :3 (so long as it's not ALWAYS a trick, that just makes things predictable and makes the tricks too easy to avoid)
...well I'm pretty fucking hard now. Thanks for finding that Anon.
>>so many orgasms,
thats not the reward i'd seek, but rather, gentle and kind approval. maybe being allowed to sit at the table once a month instead of be confined to the floor or something.
Mind games that don't have a positive out are never fun. The out may not be fair, but it needs to be an actual out, not just a pipe leading to more whipping. The common one is a mind game to break your self perception as a slave down would allow release when you physically show signs of internalizing it for real.
Anyone know any good guides to this?
Master and I are both inexperienced and I'm trying to learn. I don't yet know how to get to the point my mouth and ass can be fully used without potential damage. I can take a good many inches, but not quite all yet without gagging or yelping respectively.
I also hate to admit I'm not that good at makeup or knowing how to be as pretty as possible to give better pleasure. I didn't grow up in a place where it was easy to learn these things. So even something that simple I'm fairly clueless. Being a good pet comes fairly naturally, I was a born sub so I think I have that part okay.
I know so many dream of the pornstar capable girl that is somehow still sweet and loyal so that is what I wish to be for them.
Master is new to this as well and isn't sure how to ease into things in stages so often holds back. I'm not sure how to assist with this. I'm willing and let them know this, but its a new world for us both. I also buy most of the toys to show its okay, but I don't really know where to start there either really.
Sorry to be so stupid. I will try to post many pictures.
>What holds you back?
Seems like I was just born sub.
Otherwise there'd be a lot of people I could make happy.
You can make another happy don't worry. I know its hard as a sub tends to come being shy which attracts other shy sub people I think. Makes it hard to find a dom though, especially if a certain kind works best for you, but it can happen.
Very true. My sub nature dates back to my earliest memories before any concept of attraction or sexuality. I was a born sex pet. Don't envy it too much though because in real life you can't be a sub so trying succeed in a job grates horribly against my nature to be assertive. Its exhausting, but I can think of no job where being mousy pays off. Maybe I should be a librarians but libraries are empty these days.
>I know its hard as a sub tends to come being shy which attracts other shy sub people I think.
Maybe my situation is natural then. I know so many shy/sub people and I know exactly how to earn their trust and how to work them. It would be so easy to seal the deal if I leaned that way. But I guess the reason I understand and attract them is because I'm like that myself.
Pretty much that. But then again some doms are shy in public too so don't give up hope. My owner is, but they like to feel in control and that comes out in how they are in life and how they use me. Maybe keep a look out for a shy one with a bit of a bossy streak or that tends to try to take care of others in the group, like making sure they eat or other care taking aspects.
One more before bed. Help me Obiwan I need to know how to be a good kitten.
>Maybe keep a look out for a shy one with a bit of a bossy streak or that tends to try to take care of others in the group, like making sure they eat or other care taking aspects.
Uh, that's me.
That's a pretty tough question anon. I think the answer is to always be open to finding that thing you want, but also be open to alternatives. Things tend to come along when you're not looking for them, so if you focus on other things that make you happy, you never know what might happen. What is it that you want?
It's a pretty western individualist idea that you need to find "the one". Be careful with that stuff.
What's this triangle horse thing called again? Forgive my ignorance
>tfw fetishes are destroying my life
i've been into fetishes for way too long since i was too young for this. i didn't even get to watch regular porn before i was fantasising about bdsm scenarios. i grew up with no interest in regular sex, and now i grew up to be asexual, but still addicted to fetishes. and i'm addicted to findom. spare me the rhetoric, i know your thoughts, but for me findom is the most authentic form of domination/submission -- the domme simply uses the slave for the money with no shame. there's not aftercare, and no kind words. the domme doesn't try to please or meet the slave's expectations -- she asks for money and then ignores the slave until she needs him again. i've started working a part time job just to give more money to my domme. i've sold extra items and am living frugally. i also
i don't feel like writing anymore desu i dont know why i even started im fucked up
God damn it.
Relationships aren't fucking perfect from the get go, you idiot. They have to be built, they have to be grown, and they are going to get tested.
You don't just fucking find someone who fits your every single want without issue, because that's retarded.
And if you can't form a stable relationship with someone compatible with you over them not meeting some specific and often unreasonable requirements, then you need to fucking get over yourself.
Back again still seeking guidance. Seriously how do people get good at taking it deep. It has to be something you build to somehow.
Maybe you have the makings of a bit of a switch or gentle dom, you may need to find someone the same to trade off with.
I would be careful. I think sometimes its in peoples mind in the west to find the perfect person, but there isn't one, you work toward that. We love origin stories but not the work etc. I think its important to try each others tastes and learn to love it. The first time I went down on someone it was weird and I didn't like it, but over time I've come to love it.
I started with only a few simple fetishes and now have lost count. I feel I owe it to someone willing to keep me and invest time in me to fulfill their needs, or I can't be too mad that they fill needs elsewhere and the relationship falls apart.
I blame movies for this bullshit romance, and the notion that people can't change or shouldn't. I think you have to grow together. Sex isn't everything, but it is something and is needed. Then again what do I know I'ld rather be the prisoner in the castle then rescued.
>Seems like I was just born sub.
>Otherwise there'd be a lot of people I could make happy.
You know, there is such a thing as a service top. Someone who is the giver and performer. Many subs find they can give and many doms find they can receive. Think of it as servicing your dom in a way which gives them pleasure.
>Is it wrong to settle? To accept that you will never get what you want so you settle for less?
Know your needs. Know that your needs are just that, and a requirement to sustain a relationship. No one is perfect. There is no "the one" but plenty of 0.8s and 0.7s that can be rounded up. The important point is to identify your needs and find people who help you meet them.
Over time you can identify which needs are realistic, healthy, and not self destructive.
Because you still haven't been answered properly I'll just tell you what I think I know:
I once read that the trick to deepthroating was to coat every bit of the item with your saliva, this supposedly helps with the gag reflex, then relax your throat muscles as much as possible as you ease it down in a steady motion. This is knowledge I personally have no use for, so I can't vouch for it.
Anal is just gradual progression of object size (you know this: size training) and insertion is never to be forced and use lots of lots of lube. I would think an inflatable buttplug and frequent excessively full enema cleansings would do some of the work too.
But again, not my thing. I really am not the expert. Be wary of my advice here.
Thank you. Didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. I intend to continue the search.
I know its not things many can do, but I don't think many put forth the effort to get good at it either.
I have to find how to remove my gag reflex. I think you are right with the anal, I'm getting better. Tried a trainer set, but the middle one was super easy to get use to and the larger took a huge jump up from that. A lot of them don't seem to be made for long term wear either to help me get flexible and it does seem to help to wear something in preparation.
>Maybe you have the makings of a bit of a switch or gentle dom, you may need to find someone the same to trade off with.
That's going to be hard.
Tell me more about your owner. How do they act in public vs at home?
>Someone who is the giver and performer.
What does that mean? I thought top/bottom was used interchangeably with dom/sub and giver/receiver etc.
So I finally gave my first proper spanking yesterday!
It's been in my plans for a while, but shit keeps happening. In particular, my gf, who enjoys being subby in other ways, reacts to a single slap during sessions or sex or just in a playful manner as if I just punched her in the face. She would literally prefer hair pulling or face slapping.
But you know what a certain horse man from a Chinese cartoon has to say about resistance, and I'm no exception. So I got her with the whole naughty college girl angle, which we've done before, and she was due for a punishment session anyway.
Some really shitty porn dialogue later ("master, I can't lay down comfortably across your lap due to your GIANT BONER" "you will have to deal with it because my GIANT BONER is because of your SEXY BODY") she seemed to realize that I am not joking about the spanking thing, but I was holding her pretty tight so she stopped struggling and started whimpering.
Some fifty slaps interceded with hair pulling, throat holding and gentle orgasm denial later I was like "yep, we are done here" but she literally begged me to continue. Total 180 from her usual attitude. Really cool experience.
She denied that ever happened, could it be the inability to struggle that causes this?
Well we are pretty new at this to be honest. In public we are pretty normal, but they help me because I'm really shy. So sometimes they make me do things for myself, but sometimes they help with things I'm not good with in public. Simple stuff at lot of the time like if an order in a restaurant is wrong or something has to be returned to the store, I get too nervous to do it.
In private I take care of the little things likw organizing, cleaning, etc they aren't good with that. But I don't take good care of myself I forget to eat and sleep if I get busy so they make me. I get in weak health easy because I tend to overwork myself.
Sexually its new exploration, but they tend to tell me what to do and take charge. But not always sometimes it means they take charge by doing something for me that they know I like. Master seems to like that I squirm a bit with shame and embarrassment if I'm not the one serving and at the humiliation at some of the weird things I like. For instance anal was my idea, because I think doing it right takes trust in the dominating person and its a vulnerable position to be in with someone over you. They seemed so pleased I want to get good at it for them now, so it blurs the line of what was for me and what was for them.
We may be a bad example though. as they have some sub traits and I a few dominate. Hard not to if you want to survive and function I guess, but it means its not always D/s it can reverse sometimes depending on mood. I guess everyone wants to be allowed to be weak sometimes to recharge so I do my best because as a servant sometimes I have to be strong for another to serve.
So I think its blurry sometimes. Being a sub can mean being in charge in a care taking capacity, but being a dom can mean that too depending on the situation. Sometimes you need a break to refresh. But I do not know these things well or have experience. We may be the exception not the rule I couldn't say.
Just getting into the discussion now, but I have been trying to learn how to deep throat for a while now and there's one other barrier that I seem to find: whatever you're trying to deep throat actually pressing against the back of your throat.
I don't know how it is for other people, but getting past the gag reflex is probably one of the easy parts compared to this. The back lining of the throat is actually very sensitive. Even a very smooth and soft object feels like rough sandpaper to me when it has to go around the bend, and after experimenting I've found that it feels very similar even when straightening out the path by looking up. This can be helped a lot with saliva, but I'm thinking that what would really be necessary is actual full fledged lubrication.
Just something to think about, because it's caught me off guard and I can't seem to get past it.
I hadn't considered that. I know a lot of lub is safe to swallow so that might help. How did you get past gagging?
Gagging is something that just goes away with time eventually. It's also possible to either ignore it or force it down by power of will, either way it's an issue that resolves itself just by constant practice.
>have £40 to spend
>want to get a chastity device
Any suggestions? I'm only going to wear it for one week at a time at most so I don't need something for long term use. Would a no-name seller on eBay be fine?
>We may be a bad example though. as they have some sub traits and I a few dominate.
That's why I'm curious, though. Thanks.
Your story reminded me of pic related.
You might want to give out whether you have a penis or a vagina if you want chastity device advice. That would probably help
Does anyone know what this plug is called or where I can get it online? I saw it from a porn scene and I really want to get it. Apologize for posting 3d, I am not too sure what the rules are in /d/. It'll be great to get a name for this plug before I get b&.
Always happy to share. I'll freely answer anything asked. Figuring things out alone is difficult, never really found a road map for it and in prudish countries in particular.
hot damn, tfw new play partner is a hell of a lot more fun than you were expecting.
> can take an incredible amount of pain for a newbie
> moans like a whore and writhes against the mattress when I bite his neck or lick his ear
> trembles and clings onto my hand when he's processing pain from being caned
> super cuddly and affectionate afterwards
yes I'll take ten of these please. it's soooooo good to find a male sub who isn't afraid to show his reactions to what I'm doing to him.
Ok guys, hello... first time posting here, usually I just lurk around, but things have changed. You see, I have a gf, I met here 6 months ago, and she's been with me for just a month, but somehow the kink came up in a conversation, her ex boyfriend liked to tie her lightly and use candles and shit, but in a wrong way... I mean from what she told me he did bdsm like Gray on 50 shades, simply horrible.
I've been into bdsm for a couple of years now, never got to do anything until I met her, I've tied her only twice and only for a limited time just for the fun of it, to see what happened.
She's very open about sexuality, she always tells me that she will do everything I want and wear everything I want her to wear, she also says she wants me to tie her up and fuck her, but that we should start lightly with vanilla sex for some months, and maybe tie her arms. I've seen how she likes pain but she won't admit it, she likes it and tells me she wants to do all this stuff because she loves me. Oh, and also idk why but she doesn't want me to tie her with rope, she says that anything else works, but no rope.
any advice? How should I proceed? I love her and I'm sure we both want to explore this together...
PS. advice on the rope issue are also useful.
Plastic wrap works well and doesn't pull skin. Easy to do too. Ribbon and cloth can be hard but also work. Painters tape can help and isn't so hard on skin. Maybe someone used hardware store rep instead of the nice clothy stuff on her before.
>she likes it and tells me she wants to do all this stuff because she loves me
Careful with this one. People will act like their nature is actually something they do for you and can back them away because they get scared to admit they want it for them. So they like it turns into, oh no I totally only did it for you, if they get timid about it. Slow and steady I guess on that I'm not sure how to handle it since I'm kinda that person. Took me awhile to realize it.
I can understand her rejection of rope.
I've worked as a farmhand before and not only have I had experience with how nasty rope burns can get but I've heard the stories of much worse happening with ropes and heavy weights.
Frankly, any material for bondage can go wrong in some way or anouther but when you have that bad association it's hard to ever shake it.
Fortuitously, perversion has created an abundance of variety. There's metal chains, leather straps, nylon straps, lengths of fabric, very large rubber bands...
Have a sitdown with her and go through the options, visit a few kink supply websites to browse and be inspired, visit one of those bigbox hardware stores and look around, look at the leash material options in a petstore, ask her directly what options she was expecting (a window into her fantasies) and try out what seems feasible.
man, I wish! Imagine, you're at the office, doing your thang, skintight pencil skirt because I know you got class girl, shashay past that cute new male secretary and... wham. You saw it. You recognise that bulge in his trousers. Are you gonna sneak this cute schmuck's key outta his desk and make him answer to you?
Some people don't like the feeling of rope. Her previous experiences with a boyfriend who didn't know what he was doing may have soured her to rope in general. That's her call to make. Whether you are Safe, Sane, and Consensual or Risk Aware Consenting Kink, you need to respect her boundaries.
Reprocessing prior experiences often means getting new ones. See if there are any munches, play parties, or kinksters in your area. Rope scenes and Rope workshops are some of THE most popular. You can watch other people practice some rope play without any pressure of involvement on either of you.
Consider that good ropework does take skill, practice, and dedication. The safety measure alone mean having detailed knowledge of circulation and nerve bundles so you can avoid applying pressure anywhere that will cause harm.
Riggers are really common in the kink scene. If you really want to help your girlfriend be safe, you could have a rigger do some simple ties and harnesses on you while she watches. She'd be free to ask any questions, or have rope work demonstrated on you.
Also, there is a ton of binding instruments aside from rope. Cuffs are rather popular because they can be padded and cover a wider area. Very little risk of discomfort or harm. Remember that you should go for good quality cuffs, and very cheap locks. That way in case there is a jammed lock, you can snip it off with bolt cutters.
>What does that mean? I thought top/bottom was used interchangeably with dom/sub and giver/receiver etc.
A common misconception. Sexuality and sexual expression are what you make of them. A person can identify as a dom and be in control of a scene, yet still be bent over and fucked in the ass. Sex is about what gives you pleasure, not being locked into labels.
Think about it. Let's say a sub enjoys certain things. Like receiving foot worship or sitting on human furniture. The dom would be in a position that others may see as submissive, but what other people think doesn't matter at all. The two of them are having a good time and enjoying themselves.
That you Feel is who you are, not what labels could be used.
Where things really get fluid is doing things as a service. Let's say a person often in control enjoys hot wax on their skin. Their sub might not get much out of being in control, but I'll bet they enjoy the moans of pleasure coming out of their partner, or the look of blissful delight on their face.
top/bottom is a separate axis from dom/sub, and people switch of course.
A submissive top - slave giving her mistress a full body massage, skilled cocksucker/cuntlicker extraordinaire plying his craft.
A submissive bottom - naughty maid taking the whip for his insolence, the pet who is reduced to human furniture for the duration of the party.
A dominant top - Dominatrix cracking her whip over the backs of the unruly, the master making his subjects into art by using his rope.
A dominant bottom - The king having his boots cleaned by his favorite subjects tongue, the mistress enjoying her third orgasm of the night from a set of skilled fingers.
Go to a munch, is the formulaic answer. The steps sometimes get left out.
>Find a munch in reasonable travel distance
>make sure age and intrests pertain to you
>check who is going/ contact event organizer to get an idea what the group makeup is
>go as the new guy, not the 'i have 3 petabytes of fap fodder worth of expectations to push on you for whatever nouns you use to introduce yourself.' guy
Don't bother looking for someone to fulfill particular fetishes. Instead network, meet people, find someone to play with, negotiate, be safe.
Seconding Dizzy's advice. Contacting the munch organizer can be big help. For my first munch I walked up to the munch organizer and introduced myself, telling him this was and first munch. I asked if there were newbie friendly people I could sit next to, and that's how I met some cool people who happen to live close to me.
I'd hadd have a backup plan. Not every munch works out, and I know I chicked out of my first attempted munch. Scout out some movie theaters, restaurants, parks, or whatever you like. That way if the munch is a bust you still have fun things to do in the area. Just making the effort is worth treating yourself.
You know what's fucking annoying? I'm living at home with my family at the moment and my little sister is acting like a fucking idiot. She keeps talking about BDSM cause she wants to look different to everybody but she has no idea what she's talking about. Everything she says is fucking wrong. She doesn't even know that people can switch. Sorry for the blog post but it's fucking annoying and I'm closeted so I can't just tell her to stop being stupid.
>She doesn't even know that people can switch.
To be fair though, switches are just subs in denial. Too much attachment to their STRONG WOMYN pride to fully give in to their desires. Bisexuals aren't real either.
>Bisexuals aren't real either
I can't tell if you're being ironic or not.
We all start somewhere and the way some view a right and wrong to sexually is part of why people end up repressed in the first place. She will probably facepalm hard in the future for letting that out in front of parents though.
I think he is joking being from /d/. If its pretty, fuck it. As they say.
Family can be annoying sometimes. The holidays are coming to a close so you won't have to worry about putting up with them for long. With BDSM entering more the mainstream I wouldn't be surprised if other people in your family were thinking the same thing, but didn't want to flag themselves at that time.
If you're sister is living at home with you, maybe you could just drop of a simple introduction book under the guise of, "This might help you stand out." She wants to look different and you slip in some covert knowledge.
The thing is, no one in my family knows that I'm into this and I prefer it stayed that way. There;s just no real reason for any of them to know and it's honestly kind of embarrassing. Plus, even if I was open, I don't own any books or anything. I learned pretty much all I know from online.
Anyone got any more images like this? That being a girl in a straitjacket while also being strapped down.
Smugness covering a lack of knowledge and dealing with finding something out about yourself that is difficult to accept maybe. Frustrating thing to deal with too since you need others for it.
Curious what the two of you are on the bdsm spectrum. My prude parents would have freaked out and tried to pray it away.
I'm not sure where I lay on the spectrum since I'm a virgin and have never really been able to actually do BDSM but I fantasize all the time about it. As for her, it honestly wouldn't surprise me if she was just doing it for attention. She's one of those tumblristas who rubs it in people's face that she's pan and if you so much as there say bi, she freaks the fuck out.
>My prude parents would have freaked out and tried to pray it away
Well, the weird thing about my parents is, they're weird. This has always been really embarrassing to me but they were always extremely open sexually. I even remember one time when I was about 9 or 10 when this woman and her kids stayed at our place. Her youngest slept in a crib in my room, her other one stayed in my sisters' room and she, slept in my parents room. I woke up the next day and saw my dad kiss this woman right in front of my mother and us. Then, I asked about it and my mom just said "we just had a threesome, that was it" That should be a good enough example of how open they are so they wouldn't try to pray away anything. They don't really react from what I've seen.
Those super legs bothered me so much I shooped them shorter.
>much as there say bi,
what the fuck did I just write.
I meant to say, "so much as say they're bi"
I don't care about what she does with her life. What I'm saying is she's constantly rubbing it in everyone's face. She never shuts up about it and it's annoying.
(So many nines in a row...? It's the number of Stan! Or was that Santa? The number of the Devin?...anyway...)
I've read a Hentai manga story that starts this way.
>They seem cool.
Everyone says that but they've never had to grow up with that. I'm probably just being insecure though and that's why it's embarrassing.
>And there is a damn fine line between pan and bi for anyone to be offended over that and I actually fall that way myself.
It's not like I intentionally said that she was bi out of spite. I just said she was bi by accident not knowing she identified as pan. It's easy to mix the two up considering they're pretty much the fucking same (this is coming from a bi dude)
I'm curious if anyone has any interesting stories about aftercare. Anything that stands out?
That's from the manga Berserk. I recommend it actually, as the story, characters, and plot are really good. In the first volume there are a few pages of a true to form "pagan orgy."
Well I should say mine became prudes after having a second kid, originally they didn't worry about that stuff. So it was a huge backlash.
And she really should be offended by that. The two are basically the same. Fuck only real way to know is the why behind it.
I can't remember either. It's a French word beginning with a C, I know that. I remember reading about how it was used for torture of POWs during the American Civil War. (Can't remember which side it was used by, I think it was the Confederates)
To anyone, I'm looking for a butt plug for my partner, but no matter where I look, there just arent any that are "long".
Most are just little things on a stick.
I'm more so looking for an actual dildo sized plug, that has the much smaller bit at the bottom, so it can stay in. (the closest Ive seen, dont really get small at the bottom, so they dont stay in at all.)
Also nothing that is some 2 inches or thicker, as thats WAY too big for her.
Any help would be welcomed.
Do any of you people here have partners with whom they can actually push their limits and fulfill their fantasies?
All the guys I ever attract are the 'nice' kind who have huge problems being 'physical' with me. Would be nice to hear that someone is actually living the dream out there, exploring each others sexuality to their fullest.
Yes. I've been with my partner for 8 years and we've explored a bunch throughout that time. There is nothing I cannot talk with her about and vice versa. We're both hedonists, and so we switch to make sure we fully explore all aspects of our sexuality, and that has really been expanding our minds (and other things). I'm a sadist and all, kind of bossy and competent, but I think I still qualify as "nice" (socialist, feminist, polite unless given reason not to be). You'll find someone, no need to go after guys who give you a bad vibe, just be open about what you're looking for and you'll eventually find it.
Yeah. How did you two meet. Was it easy to get into kink and to open up to each other. Stuff like that. Just tell me about the both of you if you want. The hedonist part made you likable to me instantly.
She dated one of my buddies, and we were all good friends. There was a spark that was pretty apparent to everyone and he was cool with that as they were poly, but ultimately they turned out to not be very good for each other and broke up. I was a cocky geek, but still pretty timid around the ladies at the time so she went after me, but as soon as we started making out and getting intimate the floodgates were open so to speak.
It's not perfect kink-ethics, but I slid my finger up her ass the first time we were intimate, running on pervert instincts. She dug that. The second time we did it she asked me if I'd like to spank her, and I happily, but carefully agreed. She said something to the effect of "you hit like a girl" after the first swat, and we giggled before I got serious and went to town on her. The third time we did it she came to my place wearing a sexy dress with nothing under. So yeah, things escalated quickly.
We're both geeks so after that initial blast of crazy experimentation we got serious about it, bought a bunch of books on the subject, filled out a bunch of checklists, and talked through what we wanted. We were still in school and a ways away from each other so we met about once a week and had a scene which we planned out and fantasized about throughout the week. So yeah, we had a lot of time to talk things through, and as we got hornier we got more elaborate and I think there might have been a bit of one-upmanship going on. Sure, it is a bit scary and embarrassing to talk about the darkest stuff but we've worked up a lot of trust.
At this point I think we've done pretty much everything that is relatively safe, legal and sanitary to each other, with a few exceptions that we're working up to even now. I'm really tall and broad-shouldered, she's tiny but curvy and we are in our very late 20s. We live for enjoying art, food, drink, music, fun and sex. It's pretty bourgeois, but we try to keep it somewhat ethical. We're never having kids.
That sounds lovely. I hope you two stay together for a long time or forever. Thanks for the insight, I hope I'll be as lucky as you two, and soon, since I'm also in my 'late' twenties (27 soon).
If you don't mind my asking, what are the things you're working up to?
Also, to anyone here, is BDSM, especially as a sub, something I can make a job out of? It's one of the (very!) few things I'm actually passionate about consistently and I'd love to be able to work in some BDSM related business. I don't mean selling my body, but something like working in a club, helping out with workshops, that kinda stuff. Is this something people can realistically do?
Thanks, we're getting married in the not-so-far-off future so fingers crossed :)
Generally, the more difficult stuff: fisting, suspensions or very intricate bondage and involving other people in some way. I'm also looking to ramp up the pain-play and discipline bits when I top as the past few years we've been doing humiliation-play instead and I'd really like to get back to bruising bodies and not just egos.
Where I am all scene-events and stuff are pretty much non-profit. If you're crafty I guess you could get into creating toys or costumes.
Jesus fuck, I'm envious right now. :(
Why can't we all just get our even share of gummy bears?
I've been seeing someone for about two months. She's coming to my place tomorrow night and just told me she's into ropes. I'm a really nice guy. Girls have asked me to choke them before and I felt weird about it. I really like this girl though, so I've spent the morning studying knots. Is there a certain role I should be taking on while I do this? Does this automatically mean she's 100% submissive? Thanks
Hard to say. Maybe she has some experience with BDSM and she knows what she is talking about but probably not.
There is also role play where girl want to be kindly "tied up" during sex (with something like scarf ...). Try this first and if she like it go further.
Takagi thread time!
I think start with what she like, after that you will see.
I mean after that speak with her about what she like, what you like ...
Remember don't force her or yourself to do something stupid.
That can be a hormone imbalance or a urology issue that causes the vagina to loose elasticity. Brand of birth control can do this, but likely combined with something else. You may be as tight as a cherrio as well, but unless he is literally hung like a horse with a little exercise and ease and good lube it'll fit.
Um. Hi! Nice to meet you all. Uh.
I'm a (slightly bratty) British sub boi into petplay, feminization, sensory deprivation, and lots of other fun things. Whilst I've played with other peope, largely in an informal or (sigh) online setting, I kinda want to make 2016 the year i bite the bullet and do something. Uh, any tips, particularly for someone who's painfully shy in public and easily gets flustered?
You always could go buy an actual book. I found my first book on bondage at the Lion's den (Local adult mart). You could use the explanation that you were buying a vanilla mag like big butts or barely legal or whatever and saw it. Or heck you were in the adult store restocking your supply of condoms (safe sex justification), saw those cheap (crappy) whips and bondage stuff, and remembered her goal of being "different" and so bought the book for her.
Just an idea.
Don't know. Folks come and go and lurk and sometimes turn full-time anon.
You should also ask in the art request threads on /d/ and /aco/ too.
The new art rules make those the only safe places to post self-drawn stuff.
It's usually up to the Master/Owner/Dominant to push their pets into doing those things they aren't strong enough to do on their own.
Find a supportive partner and tell them about these fantasies, you'll feel a lot less flustered with someone there to guide you... Or not, either way will be amusing.
Do Dominants /tend/ to like shy submissives?
I'm a switch male.
When I was 18 (a few months ago), I went to a few different TNG events in my area. Met one girl who sort of ran things locally for coffee first, then went to a bowling thing with a huge group of folks, then coffee again but with more people, and finally a board game night.
Despite all of the events I went to being TNG, I was inevitably the youngest person in the room, by at least four or five years. I'd just recently graduated High School, and everyone else was either a university student/graduate, or some kind of trades-person in their early thirties. Needless to say it was kind of alienating. I think I did fine with talking to people, but it's always going to be sort of awkward when there's a sizable generation gap. Felt completely out of place.
Should I postpone getting into kink for a few years, or just accept everyone I talk to being half a decade my senior?
Sounds like you had a pretty good time. I'd just roll with it. Dating and stuff is pretty difficult as an 18 year old guy who's not in university anyway so don't worry about it and just try to make some cool (older) friends.
So I've never been tied up but I've always wanted to be. Is there anyway to know for sure whether or not you'd actually like bondage before you try it?
Do you like to sleep with the covers wrapped and rolled tightly around you?
Does it feel good in a weird way to pull your winter coat tighter around your torso?
Do you like sports, games, or activities that involve struggling?
Do you ever enjoy losing those struggles?
I've never really thought about bit now that you ask, yeah. I think I do. I like pulling the covers tight since it's just comfy. The winter coat ting feels nice but it's not exactly practical and I used to get weirdly excited whenever the wrestling unit started in P.E back when i was in school.
>tfw want to feel something tighten around my throat
>don't have someone who'll choke me
>don't know how to safely do it myself
Do you doubt an anonymous Dominant's ability to determine what's best for an anonymous submissive?
Alright, I'll trust you. You have more experience then me after all.
It's always hilarious when trusting subs rationalize blind obedience to depraved lunatics.
it's in their nature
I have some experience in choking as a dom.
The way it worked out with the girl I'd done it with was that I'd choke her as long as I wanted to, sometimes just restricting the possible airflow, making her wheeze.
When I totally cut off her air flow, she could either stop me by tapping 3 times in any way, so, tapping me, tapping with the foot etc.
And even if you go beyond that level, the dom should feel the sub going kind of limp. That's when you as a dom know you should definitely stop.
Interested in knowing more?
that depends. About half of the girls I've had that liked being tied up, liked being tied up for exactly the reason that they can't break free. They'll try their fucking best to get out of the bindings, so you have to tie them up tight as fuck. They love that.
what's the bondage position called where a bar is placed horizontally behind the submissive's neck, and the submissive's wrists are tied to its ends?
I've seen it a lot in relation to taking of captives, for example captured natives or defeated warriors to immobilize during a long march for example.
Anyone have any example pics or know what it's called?
Any advice is appreciated of course and thanks in advance, /d/
That implement is called a spreader bar. It's traditionally used for spreading legs, but it can apply to arms too as far as I'm aware. Not sure if there's a special name for it.
Pic somewhat related.
Hi everyone! Brit Brat again.
I'm working on my shyness, and I'm trying to be more outgoing in general. Plus I've made a fetlife account. Thanks for the advice so far.
Well I'm not the dom, so the main thing I want to know if I can easily hurt myself by putting too much pressure into my squeeze - I'm not very strong if that makes any difference. But yes please; more info can't hurt.
I hear places that say throat-constriction breathplay simply CANNOT be done safely -- there's always the risk of long-term damage to the cartilage or at worst cardiac arrest. How accurate is that?
Google "The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play" by Jay Wiseman for a relatively short tl/dr.
It's probably not possible to do it safely, but some people do smoke a pack a day, live into their 90s and die of unrelated causes, so you decide what risks you're willing to live with.
I've look all over, sigh, is there a thread for sub males into.JOI and instructed CBT?
whats your guys go on safe words?
i dont think my dom knows all that much about bdsm, hes kinda just going by nature. ive been into it for a long while, but still, we dont have one, and im kinda worried that were the only couple around without one, being idiots.
>how the fuck do i even suggest that
>what the fuck would the word be
You're going to get a lot of SJW feminists telling you "omg safe words are the most important thing ever! if you don't have them it's RAPE!" Ignore them. They say this out of a desire to ruin real BDSM relationships, because they are bitter that no one wants them. What you're doing now is the natural, healthy way to go about it. A true dominant knows his sub's limits by nature.
We use the traffic light system. Red (full stop, there is a big problem), Yellow (pause, need to address something before it becomes a problem), Green (rarely used, good for checking in with the sub without halting the scene).
Otherwise, just pick a word you normally would not say during sex. Having a safe word is always a good idea, and hopefully you'll never really have reason to use it anyway. Its one of those things that can't hurt.
I think I'll take up the cause of social justice as I do not believe justice to be inherently wrong by nature... (crazy me) ...
By the way,
You're the ones who's lives are on the line, would you really feel all badass about your "real" sadomasochism when one of you is dead and the other is doing time in aouther place without safewords during the rapeplay?
The first time I asked that very same question someone with life experience recounted to me the tale of how their bound and gagged sub smelled the smoke from a potential housefire before this Master did. It's not always a bloodclot forming in a limb.
It's also really really important to never forget that a human is allowing themselves to become a Master's property *by choice*, forgetting that inherently devalues the submissive's sacrifice, the act of domination, and the importance of this Master to the sub.
I find disregarding such things offensive.
As you may have noticed, some would-be "real super supreme deluxe masters" want to jump the gun to this level of extreme craycray right away, some extremely experienced practitioners do indeed abandon the use of safewords but the hesitant road there to that level of trust is a fun trip and it's a shame to miss out on it.
This is about the experiences, remember.
The words themselves are usually chosen by lack of typical use during play, their memorable quality, and somtimes by their unique emotional impact.
Lol wut, it doesn't have anything to do with SJWs. I loathe SJW feminists and I always insist on having a safe word. It's actually more for me than my sub, I don't want to go past a hard limit accidentally. Also it's not just that, there's always the odd cutting off circulation with a screwed up tie that could happen or some other unforeseen problem.
Maybe it's because my GF and i spar a fair bit, but out "safe word" just kind of naturally ended up her literally tapping out. If i fail to notice or if her hands are bound she just says "double tap".
This basically amounts to a "yellow" on the traffic lights system and we go from there.
We talked about using the traffic light system but she didn't like the idea of changing since we naturally ended up with a more personal/naural one, but she knows it's an option if she ever wants it and that i'll pay attention to it as soon as she uses it, without us having to "discuss the matter further"
But seriously, talk to her and organise some form of signal, preferably a verbal and non verbal kind. There are some Faggots that try and act all tough/"alpha" about things and say shit like this
It's not necessarily a matter of "oops, rape" either. it can be plenty of things.
guys like this:
Do you need a safeword? Do you do scenes with struggle or resistance, where your 'no, stop' will be ignored? That situation is when you need a safeword, so your dom knows that you absolutely, seriously need him to stop. Outside of that kind of scene, I wouldn't worry too much. I use them myself, but I don't think they're strictly necessary because in most situations the sub should just be able to say 'wait, this is too much/my hands are going numb/who is that guy climbing in the window'
>some extremely experienced practitioners do indeed abandon the use of safewords
These are over-confident idiots who have a mental illness which causes them to prioritize sexual pleasure over their own survival.
>The first time I asked that very same question someone with life experience recounted to me the tale of how their bound and gagged sub smelled the smoke from a potential housefire before this Master did. It's not always a bloodclot forming in a limb.
This is why they're over-confident idiots.
Use safewords, kids.
>in most situations the sub should just be able to say 'wait, this is too much/my hands are going numb/who is that guy climbing in the window'
You always need a "gagged safeword" for when subs are gagged. This could be something like the sub repeatedly alternating between a high pitched and low pitched "mmmph" kind of like a fire engine/ambulance siren, or SOS in morse code, or snapping of thumbs/fingers. Could be a lot of things.
Scenes with questionable consent (or outright rape-play) are extremely common, if not the most common fantasy for female submissives. Struggling, pleading, begging and in general saying "No, stop!" is a big deal, which is where safewords really come into their own. It can be surprisingly hard to tell the difference between "I'm actually freaking out" and just the normal roleplay stuff if you're into going pretty deep. I also find safewords a good way of bringing people out of play just a little, without disrupting the scene entirely. Saying "are you okay?" can ruin things for some subs, and if the submissive is deep into subspace, or having a freeze response or something like that I find that I can trust their responses better if I ask "what is your safeword?" instead.
Well, you do you mate. I didn't say anyone has to not use safewords, I use them myself, I was just explaining why they're not mandatory. You could do with dropping the preachy tone, I don't know if it's deliberate but you're coming off extremely patronizing.
Hi, it's me. (>>6619386 )
Yeah, that's a response I understand, and I don't ever advise not having any safeword at all, BUT...
There are a lot of couples who have actually moved past the use of them.
I don't mean to say these folks don't know their partner's safewords, but often time has left them with no desirable activities that they aren't experienced with. There's a big difference between having confidence in your ability to read your partner and knowing specifically how they like their 400th spanking to play out.
Even before that sort of normalcy sets in (and you'll see this yourself) it's common to find a couple whose Sadist isn't as adventurous as their masochist but for the sake of the emotional investment in the relationship the compromise of keeping things relatively mild exists. submissives in these situations will be up for anything their Sadist is capable of, so abandoning safewords makes no real difference in terms of consent.
For such couples it's also a rarity that things will ever get out of control, and again: these would be people who have had safewords from their past to call upon should the bound start having a heart attack or something.
So if you come across this don't be so quick to judge too harshly.
( ... Unless it's newb stupidity, in that case please do rip them a new one. )
Why would not using safewords even be considered a good thing? If you know your partner's boundaries and it isn't necessary the safeword isn't called, and you're no worse off. Is there any way in which a safeword degrades the experience? I don't see one.
You don't absolutely need specific safe words. Effective communication is what actually matters. If we are not doing a roleplay rape scene me saying "stop" works. But even in a normal scene I think safe words are better. It gets you used to using them and you can communicate a lot of information quickly without disrupting the scene. Also you can afford to go much more intense if you are the type (like me) who likes to be pushed to her limits. It also adds a good layer to the ritual/theatrics, if that is your thing. Using safe words is more fun, not less.
As for introducing them, know the reasons why they are worth using and just say that.
Anything you are not going to say or do during a scene naturally is good enough for safe words. Most use simple and neutral or appealing words from what I have seen (for example, gold might be a safe word) There are all sorts of safe word schemes you can use, we use a 5 safe word scheme (more intense, this is good, less intense, stop and talk, panicking) but traffic light scheme is very common and works well. I also recommend establishing a way for the top to request a safe word (such as by saying "safeword?") so they can check on the sub quickly and if you use gags at all you need gag safe words/safe actions. Various humming noises work well for that.
An idea for introducing safe words for a sadist/masochist couple: Establish safe words, including at the least "stop", "more intense" and "less intense". The top uses some tool like a riding crop. After each strike (or group of strikes) the sub has to use one of their safe words, using "more intense" until it is too painful, "less intense" when it is too painful. The scene only stops when the sub uses their "stop" safe word. If you keep a good pace up being repeatedly pushed to your maximum pain tolerance is really awesome, and there is this beautiful tension and suspense when you are on the edge of your tolerance and you consider if you can possibly stand it worse.
I think it has to do mainly with the kind of rape fantasies and pornographic depictions that are out there.
There's a lot of porn that depicts complete control over people without even the acknowledgement of any sort of mutual consent. It's easy to get it into your head that such a situation is an idealization of BDSM, rather than an abbreviation.
Dominant Sadists who naturally want to express their cruelty without holding back and also maximize that empowering control over anouther person are left to assume safewords are contradictory to achieving these goals.
(Not so, in a roundabout way it's actually the opposite.)
masochistic submissives who get off on loss of control and being victimized naturally wouldn't want the final say in every single thing done to/for them. There's a sense that there's nothing to actually fear and no thrills to gain if there's this safety valve you can pull at any time, and it does take some imagination to convince a slave that there's no hope left for them when that slave can always walk away from it all with a single word.
It's even a hard thing to reach a mindset of complete and total obedience while maintaining the critical thinking required to objectively decide when to tap out.
I'd feel sorry for these subs balancing these two contrary responsibilities, but... you know...
Well, a safeword must be present in all BDSM sessions, that's clear.
If you want a session that doesn't allow the sub to totally scape his/her slavery, you can give her/him a safeword only to stop the actual stuff you are doing to him/her. She/he would have a word to use when feeling overwhelmed or umcomfortable, but he/she will never be able to totally get out of their submissive position.
Of course, this method is for extremely experienced partners and it would also need other specific rules that change from person to person.
Anyone know anything about this surge of ball gags in amazon? I remembered having a hard time finding ball gags on amazon with 2" diameter and now there are a few different types and even more. My concern is that the seller is listed as Unknown and the product is said to be made from China. Some are relatively cheap and some are around 40 bucks. I want to look into it but I don't want to make a bad decision and buy some sort of knockoffs or something.
They allow 3D threads on /aco/. You can ask there.
May as well, all I'd know to do is search "3D bondage" on sadpanda and scroll through them all.
Why? Supply and demand is a fickle invisible hand of fate.
As for knock-offs: because supply isn't always reliable for fetish goods the scammers can charge big for shoddy merchandise and people will still pay.
So price isn't always a marker of quality.
Conversely, some quality goods are priced cheap enough because sometimes someone out there cares.
You have to read all the reviews with a sceptical mind and research as much as you can. If they list the materials used in the manufacturing then that can usually tell you how much thought was put into making the items. There are even third party reviews sites out there because you can't ever know-know that you can trust what you've read.
I've noticed some online kink retailers put a great deal of effort into their FAQs pages just to stress how much they can be trusted. That tells you how many times people get sold garbage.
Who said you couldn't ?
Is there a meany out there telling you these lies ?
I just broke off my first serious relationship. We fell for each other hard and were both inexperienced with BDSM stuff. We began exploring and learning what we liked but we didn't get far past fairly light stuff before the relationship went to shit and we ended up with a dead bedroom.
I don't feel ready to move on to a new serious relationship at this point but I really want to gain more experience with BDSM. I'm strongly considering seeing a pro domme for a session or two. I'm lucky enough to be in a major urban centre so going to a munch to meet new people might also be a good option.
Does anyone have advice? Any experiences regarding seeing a pro domme?
What knots are best to tie on clit? Do the softest kind of ropes have own name?
It seems to me like pro dommes are into it by choice and enjoy their work, in which case I'm fine with it - I wouldn't go have sex with some cheap sketchy hooker who's being forced or coerced though.
I wouldn't go to a munch intending to meet a pro domme, but rather to get involved in the community and meet people but I don't know... it's not so easy going as a single submissive guy.
Where do you all buy your toys?
I've been thinking about getting a few things to spice up my life but the only sites I can think of are the ones that advertise on TV, and I assume have a high markup, and Amazon.
>it's not so easy going as a single submissive guy
What actually makes it harder than going as any other kind of person? Because I'm not seeing it. It's not like submissive guys have to go through some kind of initiation.
Go on then chum, tell me all about this hazing. Been in the femdom community for two years and never seen anything of the sort, just insecure single men trying to blame other people for their lack of dom.
So is this accurate?
I did it and got this for my results
and im gonna drop some porn here just so I don't look like a shill or something
In case you are still seeking advice, and still frequenting this thread; my advice would be to watch some of the videos on Kink University, they have videos on all kinds of subjects, and some of it might help you.
Here is a link to a video on how to give blowjobs and learn deepthroating, though I have no experience with this video, and can therefore not speak to its quality: http://www.kink.com/shoot/7710
(a torrent of it can be found on TPB).
Does asphyxiation via hanging count as BDSM, or would I need to start my own thread for that? Shit, would asphyxiation or drowning count as guro, actually? I hope not. /b/ is hopeless.
I believe it was pretty accurate to me:
99% Rope Bunny
67% Primal (Prey)
16% Brat Tamer
11% Primal (Hunter)
Pretty cool, same here pretty exact.
79% Rope Bunny
50% Primal (Hunter)
41% Brat Tamer
19% Primal (Prey)
And of course mandatory image
But I might I've fucked up the results since I really think being a woman during sex is highly arousing (with kinky clothes and all), so I kinda think of myself as a woman during sex, but with a penis regardless so it's mostly a straight act. Not too sure if there's a name for that.
Seems pretty close to right for me
97% Rope Bunny
69% Brat Tamer
63% Primal (Prey)
47% Primal (Hunter)
Genderbending role reversal (even if it's sans traditional feminine sexual activity). Maybe a limited transgender expression in sexuality. Maybe just a fetishistic genderplaying dependence if there's no feminine self-identification outside of the sexual.
As are women. We pull up our big girl knickers and get over it.
91% Rope Bunny
87% Primal (Prey)
4% Primal (Hunter)
1% Brat Tamer
Sounds about right, genderplay yet still in a man's position. But it's pretty much fetishistic, I really don't feel womanly in everyday life although I'm not the most manly man out there. Thanks anon.