/bdsmg/ -- BDSM & D/s General No. 236
BDSM discussion, stories, questions, random fantasies, just keep it polite and civil.
Fetlife Group -> https://fetlife.com/groups/66560
irc channel: irc.irchighway.net , #bdsmg
Starter Question: post-coital recovery. What's your go-to noms or drinks to get your body back in line after playtime?
basically, /d/ has always been relaxed on the 'no names, unless it's Absolutely Necessary' thing. in /bdsmg/ we occasionally get people crusading in for "you should all stop using names!" ad we pat them on the head and move on.
the reality of it? no. but, as i see others have said, rape fantasies can be highly theraputic. One of these days i really need to actually make that parody poster "Everything i need to know i learned from tentacle rape"
i would think the best way to do it would be to use apadded sleeve and/or bondage tape to fold limbs in petsuit position, and use the hypnosis to vanish the 'excess' portion to simulate elbow/knee amputation. that way the limbs aren't going to be 'flopping' while the brain thinks they aren't there.
always and forever. it's been the biggest push of what i've been doing in exploring hypnosis other than trying to disentangle and dismantle old conditioning and programming... anxiety management, expanding on how i'd previously bound specific emotional states to specific songs to use as control levers.
as to it popping up during bondage... triggers happen. the worst (well, most hated) one for me was when an objectification scene that had been months in the planning got ruined when i had to safeword out, not because my Owner did anything wrong, but because an ex's favourite song came up on the radio and i started having cascading flashbacks. it sucks, but, nature of brains to be assholes sometimes.
by the Lady, augh, i don't even want to think about that. noooooo!
answering my own question, iced green tea and the darkest chocolate i can reasonably lay hands on. (sigh, two Hotel Chocolat distributors opened in the city now, and they both only carry the wankerboxes and none of the really good stuff...)
See that was my initial reaction too, ok it looks FANTASTIC, like fuck, and I guess you are drilling through the nerve so it would hurt a damn fair bit, but once you've trashed that nerve and all that scar tissue grows in, that's it, that nipple ain't gunna feel shit no more. You can't tell me that one time high is worth it.
Glad my english hasn't betrayed me yet. Hopefully i won't make too many mistakes
Ever heard of a village called Czech Republic?
Thanks and yeah, i have to say i'm amazed how most people behave here, be it a good thread or no it's still 4chan.
>a shocking lack of people calling one another faggot
That was probably the biggest shock for me
>Now join the fucking Fetlife group. You cunt.
Thanks for the adorable invite but i think i'll pass for now. I don't have enough courage for that. Plus isn't Fetlife an American site?
Actually i think i'm more comfortable with a name, strange.
No trouble and thanks
>we pat them on the head and move on.
Fetlife is...Canadian?, but its purview isn't local; I'm a Britfag, based in London, same name there as here. I have friends in Poland (specifically Kraków) who are on there, and Kraków has a surprisingly large kink scene, though I'm told it's full of horrific people.
It's full of excellent resources and event listings. You should join.
DO ET. DO ET NAAOW.
>Ever seen radfems claim that aftercare is conditioning for stockholm syndrome?
No, seriously, What.
The sub I beat the shit out of on Sunday needed over an hour of aftercare and I was still not entirely happy to let her go afterwards - she'd wanted to go after half an hour and both myself and the other person domming her, agreed that she was in no fit state and...
So what, do these fucking nutters want no aftercare done at all? Because aftercare is important if you don't want somebody going into shock or trauma and just what. the. fuck.
>What's your go-to noms or drinks to get your body back in line after playtime?
Pizza Rolls. I have a taste for cheap food.
>Ever heard of a village called Czech Republic?
Sweet, I have a bunch of family from the Czech Republic. I've always wanted to visit Prague in my life time.
Are you one who enjoys head petting? *Pat pat pat*
Hope this is the right thread to ask since I haven't a bloody clue where to go.
I am writing a mystery i-fiction novel with some bdsm-y elements in it. Plot with porn kinda deal.
I forgot how to code, so all I can do is code a cute terminal-only executable and ask the player to input the choice in dialog, maybe a basic parser.
Can you recommend me a decent ifiction engine instead, with syntax that is not shit? I don't even need a parser really, just buttons you can click on to pick the dialog response or to search a room or somesuch.
Introducing gags this weekend! I have a leather panel with ball gag being delivered tomorrow.
How do you safe-signal when you're tied down and gagged? I guess humming?
This is gonna be interesting. I got my Dom for secret santa, which is actually a 3-day party in the city with all our friends. No one knows we're FWB and especially not that we're kinksters. The new gag is "his" secret 2nd gift that he'll get after everyone's in bed.
He already brought up that we're gonna figure out how to have sex in a 2 bedroom apartment filled with 12 people. That should be a fun game. I'm thinking there'll be a lot of "Sempai donnn'ttt~~~ what if someone hears us~~~??? D: " teasing. Good times.
The real question is- try to have vanilla sex as quietly as possible and risk getting caught, or reduce risk by using the gag, but increase the awkwardness of getting caught?
TBH all the positions he likes look like he's raping me. (on top choking, bent over bed with my arms pinned, etc) So either way, getting caught isn't gonna go well for him. The gag might actually lend believability that we're just innocent kinksters. Not abuser and victim.
...If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the Angry Dome, yelling incoherently.
Really, just use common sense. I mean, there are some easy safeword-ish things you can use (and should!) like snapping fingers, humming, etc. Some people have the sub hold onto a ball they can drop, or an empty water bottle they can crunch and make a ton of noise. But even with these measures in place, a good rule of thumb is the Dom/me should look for /any/ deliberate signal that is out of place in the scene. Say your hand cramps up or something and you find yourself unable to snap your fingers. You can hum if the gag allows it, you can bang your restraints against whatever is nearby in a clear pattern, etc. Having something set in stone is important, but having an observant Dom/me and being able to think about what you would do if your first option fails is also important.
Fetlife is for everyone! <3
It's really nice, especially for finding events. Not as nice as this thread though! For um, not finding events! Haha.
>You can't tell me that one time high is worth it.
Pretty much that! God wouldn't that be the true torture? Not being able to get hurt on any of your sensitive places because you went too far?
I think I would implode after long enough without pain.
No thank you!
I've come to the conclusion from watching a bunch of the other stuff they've done that her nipples are probably 90% scar tissue already, therefore it's not really adding much in the way of further damage. Scar tissue also has an interesting way of still hurting when you damage it, so I'm thinking this is probably back on the plate for 5-10 years from now...
I did hear some good things about Fetlife, true.
>DO ET. DO ET NAAOW
B-But... I don't think i'm quite ready for Fetlife, plus i have a few other reasons. Although i would love to join later, could you tell me the group's name (If there is such a thing. I have no idea how it works there)
Can't really say from experience but who WOULDN'T WANT aftercare. Also, letting someone who is barely capable of standing go doesn't sound like the best idea either
>I have a bunch of family from the Czech Republic. I've always wanted to visit Prague in my life time.
I seriously wasn't expecting that. Although i'm not a big fan of Prague, more like the opossite, i hope you get to see Czech once. Not the best country but could be much worse. Some cities you also might want to consider would be Brno or Olomouc. Sorry no idea how they are called in english
>Are you one who enjoys head petting? *Pat pat pat*
Who could say no to that. Although i think i'd more likely be the one petting. I'm actually quite fascinated by pet play.
Hello /d/! I'm back with another story intended to arouse, brag, and remind those of us still searching for something that once you find a community, you too can be treated the way you want~
So! This tale happened a couple nights ago, but I should get it down before the scratches, and the memories fade. This tale begins at a nondescript location I drove to with my lovely domme. After receiving the dungeon tour, she wasted no time in ordering my shirt and pants off, and on went my collar and the latest addition to our play, a sleep mask. I have to say, having that pressure pushing against your eyes is entirely different from simply closing them. You can't see, even if you wanted to.
But, up on the cross and away I did go, trembling in anticipation as I waited and wondered what she was going to do to me. A flogger? One of her many canes? Oh no. She went for the simple approach. Sharp nails, raked down by back. A lovely few minutes of being a human scratching post later, and then I got a lovely caning about the legs. Flogging, a lot of tickling... I'm very sensitive when not warmed up, so you can imagine what it's like when I am. More scratching followed, and then she broke out her latest trick.
(Well, she used it last time, but I'm taking some liberties to make a better story, and because chronology gets fuzzy in subspace.)
Hand sanitizer in a spray bottle. Alcohol based hand sanitizer. On a back freshly scratched, and flogged. The initial burst of chill mist was shocking enough, but then the sting set in, and mmph. I don't like it, but I love it all the same, if that makes any sense to you.
Unfortunately for my whipping boy brain, it was time to take a break and give the room to someone else. My disappointment at being unclipped from the cross was somewhat assuaged when my leash went on my neck, and I got led out to "go be social."
Damn post limit! TBC!
>Can't really say from experience but who WOULDN'T WANT aftercare. Also, letting someone who is barely capable of standing go doesn't sound like the best idea either
Honestly, if I'm in full tank mode and play has to stop because we've gone as far as my body can take but my mind is still clear I'll skip aftercare. However, if I get spacey at all there damn well better be some cuddling.
I don't usually take aftercare from just bondage, which I typically get spacey for.
ps. fuck I really need to transfer some porn
Bit fuzzy, but I remember... Shuffling after the tugging on my neck, a grape getting popped in my mouth, drinking water with trembling, shaky hands... My next good memory is standing behind Mistress watching a girl get a spanking in another room, and reminding her that it's hard to be a pervert without my glasses. And after watching for a bit, Mistress sat down in a chair and I got my hair played with, which is even better than having it pulled!
While we were there there was a rope demonstration of sorts going on. One thing led to another, and she asked me if I wanted to get tied up. So I can now say I had my first experience with rope bondage! During that time I also learned that mouthing off to the rope domme tying you up is a TERRIBLE idea! After Houdini-ing my way out of her wrist tie, I got my arms tied over my head, with a crotch rope to keep my arms there... There was a collective wince from the male audience when that rope was grabbed... :0
Well, I worked my way out of that when my arms got tired (to tell the truth, I figured out how to get out when she was tying me, but I was totally enjoying being bound...) But then she broke out her most evil tie! (that I experienced, anyway) Fingers and arms tied together... (Chicken dance jokes were liberally traded.) and my feet were bound together. Not learning my lesson the first time, when she said I couldn't stand in that tie, I totally bet that I could. So I got stood up, where I promptly fell over. Tried rolling to my feet, fell over again... Deciding that there was too much risk to the people/furniture around me, I started trying to get out while I was on the ground. My struggles got a lot more frantic when she started to flog me... My squirming and rolling got a "I'm not gay, but I have to admit that's sexy" from a gentleman in the audience... I could have gotten out a lot faster if I could have used my teeth, but I was forbidden from doing so. Eventually my single-minded devotion won out, and I was free.
Not for long though. Cue another session up on the cross for me, where I really was a human scratching post. Nails just everywhere but my arms... This rather horrid thing that she does where she digs her nails into my side but tickles me at the same time, so I don't know whether to laugh or scream, and just jump between the two... I also discovered my ass is ticklish, which I feel is almost unfair somehow. This is already a wall of text, so I'll cut it off here. But I think it's safe to say it was a very good night. Hope it was a good story for you folks.
I am really surprised to see that picture get posted here! I'm always surprised to see some of Mistress's art make it to places we didn't put it. Happy though! But it got finished the other day you know! <3
Hopefully not too furry to post the finished version in this case!
Also, wow that sounds really really fun. Thank you for sharing!
i've played a few things in RAGS and tried to code in it. it's a serious PITA, but useful tools (well, unless you want to try to use it to do something at Zork sort of scales, just with a lot more porn)
sounds like you had an amazing time! thankyou for sharing! mmngh human scratching post time...
>Pretty much that! God wouldn't that be the true torture? Not being able to get hurt on any of your sensitive places because you went too far?
Nerve damage is a tricky thing. I can only comment from a single lasceration on my hand. It cut across a nerve bundle that when to most of my thumb, and it's never been the same. I don't know if it was the months of numbness or how it healed, but the the skin there has always felt different once I got feeling back. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that full sensitivity returned, but it's weird to observe that kind of change in my nervous system.
>Can't really say from experience but who WOULDN'T WANT aftercare. Also, letting someone who is barely capable of standing go doesn't sound like the best idea either
Most people want and need after care following a scene. The only exception I've heard of would be of a woman who is really into humiliation. She enjoys enthusiastic rape play, and afterwards wants to be left alone to be curled up in a corner. Yet again, she's the one exception. Everyone else I know enjoys and needs aftercare in some capacity.
>Who could say no to that. Although i think i'd more likely be the one petting. I'm actually quite fascinated by pet play.
Pet play is a popular topic around here. Like with any kink people tend to like it for different reasons. For a analytical types being in a pet headspace allows them to relax enough to enjoy receiving pleasure and being in the moment. I tend to be terrified of people, so reducing someone to lesser pet helps curtail my anxiety.
More pettings! *Pet pet scritch*
...4chan really doesn't want my name on things today.
True, i didn't say it as precisely as i wanted to. Maybe not "exactly aftercare" but i would say it's nice to have alteast something little of that sort at the end. But there are ofcourse exceptions
>Pet play is a popular topic around here
Good to hear. I think i'll definitely need some help if i ever get to do it
>"I'm not gay, but I have to admit that's sexy"
So cute. Like i said before, her art always seems to be very nicely drawn and tends to be incredibly adorable
I've seen people from quite literally all over the world there. And there's a running joke that people who don't want to be found by anyone in their hometown just set their location to Antarctica.
The fucking nutters want no BDSM at all, because they're perpetually terrified of all kinds of human interaction. It makes very little sense, but I'm almost thankful for the distinction? Considering I still belligerently identify as feminist because /they can't take this from me, damn it/ it's pretty easy to determine "absolute nut" from "reasonable person" by whether or not they start crying about bdsm.
Chloe nailed it. Vigilance from the Dom/me and non-verbal cues.
I am not even going to read this. I cannot today. Nope.
>one time high
This kills me, because a lot of my kinks are by necessity one-time things. Things I've never had the opportunity to do yet, but for the ones like tattooing, branding, and flesh removal... it'd have to be done completely lucidly with an absolute fuck ton of planning to make it a one-time sacred experience to look back on fondly.
>This kills me, because a lot of my kinks are by necessity one-time things. Things I've never had the opportunity to do yet, but for the ones like tattooing, branding, and flesh removal... it'd have to be done completely lucidly with an absolute fuck ton of planning to make it a one-time sacred experience to look back on fondly.
You could also practice a trance based on guided imagery. you know how you can have a dream doing impossible things like flying and it all seems perfectly legit? It's just like that, but you can remember what happened when you wake up. You can also bind those memories to an object, phrase, touch, etc to recall them on command.
Well if it is too furry, I've nabbed it before the mod deleted it. Thanks Chloe. I love all of Witch's art, the style is just top notch.
It was! It really really was. I'm sad we had to leave, but alas, responsibilities.
So uh, you just handing those pets out for free? Anyway... Given how much I want to cuddle in a non-subspace context, it kinda goes into overdrive when I am. So aftercare, yes, excellent thing. To answer >>5890305 My domme is a firm believer in drinking plenty of water after each scene. Haven't really done food after a scene, aside from what's available.
Posting random porn from a random hentai folder.
We need to work out a form response for this question.
Go to local munches; If you don't know where your local munch is, look on fetlife.
If you're in London, come to the London Alternative Market or the London Fetish Fair. If you're in Birmingham, go to the BBB.
>So uh, you just handing those pets out for free?
Yes, you can get petted as as well. All you have to do is ask. *Ruffles your hair and scratches behind your ears*
>How would I find people into this sort of stuff, it's something I've always been into but never tried
It depends on what you see as finding people. You're on this thread so..people found! Mission accomplished!
Fetlife is where most real life meetups are organized these days. Most kink groups are on social media and pretty transparent. You can also treat it like a kinky facebook and chat with people online.
IRC is another area to chat with people, though every channel is going to be different. Remember to respect yourself and keep healthy boundaries. You expect respect and healthy boundaries in every other aspect in life, and kink is no different. At no time does being a sub/dom/switch/kinkster mean you compromise your worth as a person.
Oh goodness, that all sounds amazing. Also some wicked ideas that I am totally stealing.
I love Witch's art. And the unfinished version reminded me that I recently gave in and told one of my friends that I'd let him pimp me out for YCH. He insists that I should get into the furry-art-for-money scene but I am rather terrified.
That honestly sounds wonderful, and I believe I've gotten close to something like it on my own? Especially during 'lying with a partner quietly discussing impossible fantasies' time.
A big hurdle for me is an irrational and horrific fear of anything resembling trance or hypnosis - one that I partially want to get over, and partially don't want to touch with a ten foot pole.
My own subconscious is a horrible place that should be avoided at all costs, haha.
>>you know how you can have a dream doing impossible things like flying and it all seems perfectly legit?
Mostly because of things like this - my dreams are all vivid and realistic, but maybe only one out of every ten dreams I have involves something cool like that. The rest of the time it's wonderful adventures like raping my mother to death.
In vaguely related news(I apologize for being weird and disjointed and mostly talking about personal shit today), I just got a nice message and sort-of-apology from my father for asking what I was working on in therapy, and replying with "How trendy" when I told him about the ptsd treatment.
You're quite welcome! I really love her art toooo. I feel really lucky 'cause I get to watch her make it all the time! <3
>All you have to do is ask.
Um, um.... Me too? <3
Don't be scared! Mistess was pretty new to it about a year ago, and business was pretty slow at first. But she was making a little bit. 10-15$ a commission. But her work has gotten /so/ much better over the last year, because she's able to do it all the time! All that practice really pays off! If you ever check out her FA account you'll totally see! <3
Don't feel intimidated! Any skill comes down to practice! Whether it's art or getting over anxiety and other mental blocks.
I believe in you! If you ever want to talk to her about stuff like that over skype or something, send me a message on FL and I'll try to make it happen! <3
If you ARE in London, and you come to the LAM or LFF, come say Hi - I'm the cripple with the long hair in the blue wheelchair or on the fancy Smartcrutches that may or may not be flashing blue.
Thank yoouu. And that might be nice some time. :) I was just talking about that with the friend who wants to be my 'manager', too - just starting out with little $10 drawings to build my porny portfolio.
I can respect having a bunch of fear and trepidation in regards to hypnosis. Each person experiences it differently. Does it help to know that up until eight years ago I was scared to drink or taking any mind altering substances because I was afraid of what would happen? My practice in hypnosis started as a means to better understand how knots of emotion form and how to deal with them.
>Um, um.... Me too? <3
Sure. *Scratches his fingernails along your scalp in light strokes and rubs in small circles.*
You're quite welcome!
What would a manager do for you?
I hate to be discouraging, but communicating directly with clients is pretty important!
Building up a portfolio too. Mistress was not getting clients consistantly until she had like 800 followers, and even then her stuff was still going for like 20$. Even now she works really hard and doesn't make as much as a minimum wage job would pay. (Though it's getting close). But it's worth it because she gets to do something she loves. Art! <3
It does - and it's also interesting how different peoples' barriers work. During my roughest times I was nearly always drunk because I felt that it dulled me enough to keep me from being a danger to anyone other than myself.
That is an extremely good way to think about hypnosis though. If I had someone I really consistently trusted, I could see myself possibly becoming interested in it in the future.
Urrghh, I know. I've done a lot of direct communication and 'selling myself' on other sites in other communities, but I have a friend who is a loud and charismatic furaffinity person, and I always get anxious when it comes to getting involved in new communities and learning their ways. I have enough emotional energy to attempt to put myself out there in the tumblr guro community(they're a bit more my people) but the thought of the effort involved in 'becoming a well-known furry' terrifies me.
I . . . Fuck I'm so aggravated I can't think of a proper response.
You know, usually the amputee thing does nothing for me, but good god that hits a lot of good pet buttons.
Yeah... I'm definitely a bit guilty of that fantasy myself. There's just... so many nice things about it. It would be super scary to say the least if a stranger did that... but having a partner you've been with for a few years playing that fantasy out over a weekend or a vacation?
More expensive option, but maybe something like a bitch suit? That keeps arms and legs both folded, restrained, and cushioned. Hmm... I wonder how well having the top massage the limbs out to prevent stiffness/soreness would play out once in space? One could probably trick the sub into feeling said massage as if their owner was rubbing phantom limbs. Though actually, that could be a thing too--tricking the limbs into being and feeling like 'phantom limbs' instead of real ones. That way you wouldn't actually cut off all sensation and input from them, but could sustain the fantasy perhaps? That might work well with a strap or tape demarcating the 'cutoff' point.
I'm sorry to hear they couldn't find anything. At least you've done what you could by filing it. That's amazing and brave, and wish you continued best of luck in the days to come as well.
Welcome to the thread! This has definitely been a great place for me, too. Like Chloe, the people I've met here have helped me a ton in the past year.
I do. My particular brand can really suck sometimes given its narrow/focused scope. Being able to give it up and let go within the safety net of submission is just incredible. What do you and your partner(s) do if you are triggered?
>Vaguely related to that - been seeing my psychologist, and she has me working on EMDR/bilateral breathing/other physical 'calm-down' techniques and damn I was not expecting them to be as helpful as they are.
I was terrified of EMDR when I first heard about it because of not knowing what it would bring up. At the time I had to keep most trauma tightly under control because I couldn't deal well when it came broiling back up. Over time I got better about unpacking pain as it hit me and EMDR became and option. Ho-ly shit was it effective. The problem arises when EMDR is super effective at what it does. I got a crash course in relearning how to re-establish my sense of safety.
To clarify, EMDR stimulated association and memory networks. Intense pain that I had buried came rising to the surface in far greater magnitudes than I anticipated. Because these were memories buried a long time ago, I didn't know how to deal with them. Much like how a new virus strain hits an immune system that has no defense. I had to quickly relearn how to feel safe when I kept having intense memories of violation slamming one after the other.
I'm still in contact with the counselor who performed EMDR on me and pass on what I learned to her other clients. The first step is renforcing a sense of safety at the beginning and end of each session. Giving each client the reinforcement and practice they need to rebuild a sense of safety even when their emotions are in constant storming flux.
>I'm sorry to hear they couldn't find anything. At least you've done what you could by filing it. That's amazing and brave, and wish you continued best of luck in the days to come as well.
Thanks. I'll get through this. The only loose end is filing police reports when I feel strong enough to do so.
i know the feeling on the thing with horrid dreams. can be worth it to force yourself to start dream journalling, because once you force your brain to file dreams as 'worth remembering' you can start pushing them in different directions (or full lucid dreaming, i never got that to work). is one i don't reccommend unless one's dreams are -already- bad, because is likely to get worse before it gets better, but it does get better.
there's got to be some sort of registry for parents who need to be beaten with the clue bat.
The fact that I've never experienced that horrific immediate-and-personal-danger trauma is something that I'm both incredibly thankful for, and the reason why it took me so many years to be able to realize that my problems were trauma-based.
Most of the emotions associated with mine are less personal fear for my safety(which I was always more familiar with, having helped close friends and family members with that variety of PTSD) and more a... sort of existential guilt and visceral horror. All of my 'big T' traumas revolve around witnessing/attempting to stop terrible things from happening(and in one particularly memorable case, public shaming for failing).
That 'safe space centering' thing has been really, really helpful for me in being able to get out of this state of intense hypervigilance I find myself in a lot, that if pushed a step further can turn into an extremely violent 'fight or flight' breakdown.
I used to keep a dream journal pretty reliably, actually - and really enjoyed it. Even the dreams that hurt I was able to direct and reflect on. With my current job I don't have time to sit and reflect on waking, since I'm always jumping out of bed to try and stop a child meltdown. As a result my dreams have been getting less controlled and more terrifying.
>beaten with the clue bat
Yuuppp. I adore my father and he and I have a lot in common, but he handles stress in the exact opposite way that I do - dismiss, pretend it didn't happen, avoid, mock people who mention it.
Aaanndd I feel dumb for posting in the thread before noticing that there was another one.
>The train is coming with its shiny cars. With comfy seats and wheels of stars. So hush my little ones, have no fear. The man in the moon is the engineer.
Many people don't realize what a haunting burden guilt can be. How can they? So much of dealing with guilt means deconstructing how you see the world and how you've come to understand everything. Yourself, the world, how life works at all.
One thing that may help is an episode of Star Trek - Deep Space Nine. Look up Season 1 Episode 19 called "Duet." The entire theme of the episode is Guilt and how it relates to forces that are so much bigger then any one person.
A favorite episode of mine and won me over tot he series when was just getting old enough to appreciate Star Trek. Garak being the magnificent bastard that he is.
Same. Answering questions really helps give me a direction to make talking easier. Which is part of why I try to always answer the thread topic questions.
Though funny you should mention losing control. For whatever reason, that's exactly what I was fantasizing about last night. Not surrendering or giving up control the way I usually do, but actually losing it. Losing control between me and my partner and losing control of myself. It was kind of hot all on its own, even without a more concrete shape to take.
Hmm, haven't really had enough after-scene food to say, honestly. Sometimes water or something like gatorade, other times soda. Not sure I've ever eaten anything post-scene yet.
... I think you just said everything I could to that post. Like seriously? I don't know about others, but if my top is just going to use me and then immediately bump off to someone else... that's the fastest way to guarantee I crash hard. Doubly so if in a public event with no one else to look after me.
Hmm... I'm no coder, but I've a lot of RAGs games. There are some forums and stuff out there to help work with that system IIRC. If you want something more visual-oriented, I've been told Ren'py is a good system. I've seen a variety of games use it, and it seems to be the go-to engine for OEL VNs looking for a basic engine to work in. (On the VN front there's also ONscripter and KiriKiri in terms of open source engines with documentation.)
I've seen humming, tapping, and one person I've only played with once had a rubber ducky. She made her bottom hold the ducky, and dropping it meant "Red" (with one accidental drop allowance).
Exactly. And it doesn't help that the way I was raised fed into it - a lot of guilt, a lot of duty, a lot of favors owed. The first moral lesson I was taught is that my existence is a favor my parents did me that will never be sufficiently repayed. Adding that to The fact that I've been privy to a lot of violence I couldn't prevent has put me in... a weird place. I'm having to rebuild my sense of the world and myself, especially my worth, from the ground up.
>all this star trek
Heck, everyone contribute your favorites and I will binge watch them some time. Star trek feels are some of my favorites.
Petplay is something I've really, really come to love. For all the reasons Ghost mentioned. I don't know how good this may sound, but like... Being able to stop being human and just BE is... omfgyesplease. Combine with the affection of pettings and scricthies and I just melt...
Ooooh, chemical play. I once met someone who carried cinnamon and spearmint sprays in her kit precisely for that effect. I only got to try them out-of-scene, but the cinnamon one was stingy even then, so I can only imagine. Sounds like you had a lot of fun though!
M-Me too? *mewls*
I... need to get back into the habit of keeping mine. It's fallen by the wayside lately.
For on-topic Star Trek, there's Voyager S1 Ep 8, Ex Post Facto, where one of the crew is convicted of murder on an away mission and punished by being forced to relive the victim's memories of it every 14 hrs.
>M-Me too? *mewls*
Yes, you too. *pets your head in warm strokes and lightly brushes the edges of your ears*
Careful Ghost, you hand out pets like that, you're going to be buried in a dogpile of pet subs. Not that the attention isn't dearly appreciated. Woof.
Man, I still haven't been able to just... Shut off my brain and BE. I've gotten very, very close to it, and the idea is just so great, but I haven't been able to let go of those last few shreds of awareness. After Kittendoll's experience with it (detailed a few threads back) I'm not sure I want to, but I still want to try.
>Careful Ghost, you hand out pets like that, you're going to be buried in a dogpile of pet subs. Not that the attention isn't dearly appreciated. Woof.
You know, I don't really mind when that happens. Knowing someone enjoys being petted means I have someway to initiate contact or conversation. I've gotten to the point where I start up conversations with most people, but sometimes social anxiety gets the best of me. Knowing I have some means of connecting with people helps a great deal when I don't know what to say.
That's one of the best things about any sort of D/s for me. I am an extremely hands, affectionate person who also has horrid social anxiety, so having explicit permission to touch helps a lot.
I vaguely remember that one. ....was it the same one where there was a black market trade in traumatic memories/volatile emotions? Or were those two different ones.
Speaking of traumatic memories, social anxiety, and StarTrek:
Because of prolonged psychological abuse in my childhood the very thought of TNG episodes triggers PTSD flashbacks.
For real, I'm almost actually hearing my mother calling me stupid for watching Trek.
Not telling you to stop, just maybe thought how insane it is that THAT is a trigger would be interesting.
Also, if you're a sadist you shouldn't miss out on knowing when you've caused someone hurt. I say just 2B considerate...
>I... need to get back into the habit of keeping mine. It's fallen by the wayside lately.
so's mine, really. but it's a horse one can always get back onto.
don't let me hold you back from it. i'm at the point where the fuckers who've said i should be shoved in a padded room for the foreseeable future have some pretty solid arguements for that (but screw them). i am not a good model for expectable emotional response to a given form of play.
eh, i get you there. it was "fun times" just as i was unearthing and first starting to fight the worst bit of hypnoprogramming that my Owner was re-watching ST:TOS and finding out the exact damn trigger was lifted from an episode about hypnotic abuse. Star Trek can be a force for perv both as good, and as evil.
Thanks for the quick reply about Trektriggers.
Every time I post something batshit insane like that describes my silly life I'm SOO afraid that nobody here will be able to relate.
Thank you for knowing what that's like.
*purrs and rub into hands*
It's hard for me too. Hypnosis/hypnoplay is amazing for helping me hit that point. Though kittenspace is... interesting. Especially over text, since like... once I get deeper into that I find it hard to actually speak with words, but over text that means I have no problem typing out actions in perfectly descriptive fluent text, but I still can't 'say' anything that isn't a meow. At that point I kind of notice behavior changes too, where I act a bit more instinctually. Coming down from that is interesting. It's a mix of reapplying the breaks and turning around to go 'oh good gosh, what did I just do?!' that's a mix of embarrassment and all kinds of other things.
Yeah, the 'is it okay to touch in x/y/z ways' phase of relationships is really awkward to navigate. Especially when like, frequency desired mismatched.
Uhh, hmm... I don't think that was same episode. The wikis suggest the episode I referred to ended up being about someone using the memory to try and smuggle classified intel to enemies.
Hopefully I can have some dreams I remember again soon enough. I've had some weird nights with everything going on lately. The journal's still by my bedside at any rate.
Can definitely relate - media triggers can be intense. Heck, even ST gets me sometimes - especially the episode(can't even remember the series) that turned into my mother accusing me of being "as bad as a terrorist" because of my opinions.
I feel you on parental criticism, too. I have a long history of every time I found a character in media that I identified with in some cathartic way, my mother would go on a tirade about that particular person being 'scum' or 'trash'.
Yeah, those wacky abusive moms...
Just to link this back in with S/m I gotta say, my first experiences in aftercare were when my mother would hyper-criticize my sister, I would go up to my sister afterword and repeat the same phrase every time;
"[her name here], everything you do is wrong."
This was the inside joke because everything my mother had said seconds before could always be summarized in this one phrase.
This often made her laugh, and always lightened her mood.
(God, I hope she isn't reading this thread.)
That is bizarrely cute, and also sounds incredibly familiar. Wacky emotional abuse hijinx~ It also kind of makes me wish my sister and I communicated more when our mom got into her moods. Instead. I always ended up in the 'responsible .parent' role with my emotionally stunted mother and trying to mediate between them.
...also ffs, looking for something to post on my phone and I have so much damn omorashi saved lately. The kink train has no brakes.
Your sis may be just as well off, my efforts didn't help my sister's mental state. Lately she's begun to show signs of identifying with the abuser role. Maybe if I wasn't always there to stop the hurt she would know where the line is today. Who can know?
... Also, I have the same problem when I post responses to you because I know you like guys and that's not my porn of choice.
Here is the first (kinda) sub-male porn pic I folderfound.
You can't blame yourself for things like that - you did what felt right in the situation to provide comfort to a family member. Thankfully my sister is doing well she lives a state away and is a schoolteacher now.
And just post whatever porn is your favorite! Lord knows I do, haha. I honestly don't dislike the pictures of women - I just rarely like them enough to save them for later. My bdsm interests skew heavily toward men. All my female art tents to be either monstergirl waifus or monster/girl.
Also, kids, never grow up to be like Strange - or you will end up surfing 4chan on your phone while lighting a cigarette on the stove at 2am.
Noted. Don't use you as a baseline, you make the graph of "normal" go non-Euclidean. Got it.
Hrm. I don't think hypnosis is a big thing in the local community. Though, it's worth enquiring about, if half of what I've heard here is true. Getting into that headspace through text is pretty darn interesting though. Getting a dommy message is enough to make me think subby, but not... Reduce me to where using words is a struggle. That's required a vocal component. May I enquire what your hypno-thing is like, that gets you there?
And on that note, Ghost, you seem the most experienced petty dabbler in matters of the mind. Any advice on... Call it self-trance to achieve petspace?
Don't feel bad, I'm sure plenty of people have done worse things while on 4chan. Hope your fur isn't more than singed.
I lost a little bit in the front, but hardly enough to be noticeable, thankfully. Eyebrows are present and accounted for.
There's something ridiculously sexy about this image. Anyone know who the artist for this one? I recall another image where a girl is forced on a wooden horse with her arms and neck are bound in some kind of metal frame-like restraints.
It's the tattoo and the nipples getting pulled on with big fucking rings in them for me.
>This kills me, because a lot of my kinks are by necessity one-time things. Things I've never had the opportunity to do yet, but for the ones like tattooing, branding, and flesh removal... it'd have to be done completely lucidly with an absolute fuck ton of planning to make it a one-time sacred experience to look back on fondly.
Oh my, you and me can be friends. I'm torn on flesh removal and branding, I haven't had issues with keloid scaring, but I gather you can be fine and then not be, so I'm not sure its really worth the risk. The branding in particular is quite evocative tho.
Tattooing is very interesting in the BDSM context, I know a leatherman who's whole body is his leather life story, so each slave has their own part of his body, utterly fantastic.
What is this "guilt" think you speak of, it sounds unpleasant.
>Voyager S1 Ep 8
I so don't remember that episode at all!
No problem at all in asking. Let's see...
For me, hypnosis and kittenspace are kind of different things, though they can and have overlapped before.
In terms of hypnosis on its own, like, the nature of what it is really helps me to sort of shut off my brain for a while. I don't have to think, I can let them do it for me for a while. ...and whoo, need to watch my own phrasing I guess. But that's one way hypnosis can get me out of myself. Another is just the relaxing nature of it, and being able to set my constant worries and stuff aside while focusing on the words or voice and play.
The text thing might be somewhat unique for me, but the core of what's behind it also helps make me a better hypnobottom apparently. Basically, and essentially, for various reasons I've always spent a lot more time engrossed in the worlds of books, stories, games, roleplay, and so forth, and I've never been a speed reader. I always took my time to really imagine the descriptions and words in detail. When I first learned about sex around 16, my main outlet was games, stories, and roleplay, and I spent a very long time constantly imagining the feelings, the touches, the sensations of play and so forth. Enough to where, at this point in my life, I can feel what the words describe as almost real when I let myself. So the combined act of imagining the actions and my own responses to them probably helps me hit that space pretty quick even over text.
If you add actual hypnosis to that mix, then the sensations felt sort of pop out even more, becoming a bit more real.
Specific things you can do with hypnosis and petplay though are highly varied. One thing I've done with someone before is creating a 'catgirl' form. Where, once triggered, the subject enters that pre-coded state via recall. It can be programmed with an array of features, including sensations for ears, claws, tail(s), as well as set behavior patterns representative of that specific pet.
Awesome. We can be slightly-singed friends. (Speaking of which, there are some people on here that I haven't nabbed as friends on fetlife, I think)
There is a fellow in town who does scarification and flesh removal, and part of his profile includes work in keloid/scar bubbling removal and clean-up, so even if it does happen I've seen good results in fixing it.
I've always been extremely fond of using tattoos to represent the people that are important to me. And my vastly-in-the-future ridiculous pipe dream is to design a personal crest to use as a brand for members of my household.
So, at our place in AZ we have this BBQ, decent BBQ but the starter has died, so to light it you have to throw matches into this little hole. It's important to this story that I suck at lighting matches, it's also important to this story that I can't throw for shit. Needless to say, by the time I finally get a match in the damn hole I got the fireball effect, my arms have never been so hairless, I think I lost half an eyebrow too.
I likey that idea. In all fairness, Elwood probably knows how to clean that shit up too if I really ran into the problem.
Oh dear - good job. I'm sure you rocked the 'crispy' look.
Mmhm. ...I think the farthest my 'possibly willing to do' fantasies in the extremely permanent department would be the removal of a finger or a toe. If I ever had a partner that wanted to do a mutual minor amputation, I would definitely give it some very serious thought.
Oh god, that's terrible Strange! You're such an awesome person and I know you did your best, and although it sucks that sometimes we can't do as much, I hope you'll end up being able to cope and forgive yourself like you deserve.
The best way to understand self hypnosis or achieving a certain trance is comparative to meditation, and that's how I learned/understood it. The trick is adapting your trance to your desires, and letting yourself know you're in complete control and can leave or get out at any time.
The guilt comment was in bad taste. Very bad taste.
I don't think that's relevant, unless you are enough of an asshole to not want to be considerate. Which, if it were the case, I'd love to tell you to fuck off and leave the thread, I know that's not my place and I don't wish to start things.
You really should be more considerate of sensitive topics, though.
A nice thread that people have stated many times is unlike most of 4chan and is supposed to be at least somewhat safe.
Why do you ask? Did you think we were on /b/? Maybe you should go back.
Of course, it can be impossible to maintain that at all times and prevent random trolls, but one can correct actions that -may- of been unintentional.
It's ok, guys - I was aware she was joking around. No offense taken.
At that point it's less about the pain and more about the voluntary permanent change to the body. Like I was going on about earlier in the thread, I am extremely attracted to visible physical differences/modifications. Broken bones are fun but it's not the same.
Thank you, anon. That means a lot, and I'm working on it.
So much sympathy feels. I love the hell out of my poor mother - really I do. She suffers as much from being herself as I did from being raised by her, and in all honesty she was a great parent up until I was 8 or 9. Her own emotional maturity is arrested at about 6 or 7, so once I hit that age I spent the rest of my youth trying to raise a perpetually bitter, furious, negative adult child who had absolute power over every aspect of my life. We actually get along a lot better now that I'm an adult and she's learned to respect my authority to a certain level.
The talk of sociopathy reminded me of the best visual/metaphor I've ever been able to come up with to describe my own 'issues', if it'll make sense to anyone else. I see most people as falling somewhere on a spectrum between sociopathy without any human empathy, and fully empathic over-feel. I somehow manage to get equal intensity at both ends, like sitting between two mirrors.
Functionally(channeling my therapist here) it turns into a God complex where I believe I have the ability and responsibility to control everyone around me, followed by crushing guilt when I'm not omnipotent and can't protect them from harm.
Anyway, it's 530 and I've been up all night and am rambling about myself, so it's high time to get some sleep.
>who WOULDN'T WANT aftercare.
For a while, back when I did submissive things in a very self-destructive fashion, I didn't want it. The lack of it validated my own self-worth, helped to make me more okay with not meaning anything, just being used and discarded.
I'm better now.
Yes please. Can we please have this?
>kink culture being based upon misogynistic power imbalances
Stopped reading there.
For a long time I was only worth what I could do or give.
I wish the trend of absolutely repulsive parents wasn't so common. Can we all get better now, please?
>At that point it's less about the pain and more about the voluntary permanent change to the body. Like I was going on about earlier in the thread, I am extremely attracted to visible physical differences/modifications. Broken bones are fun but it's not the same.
Why have part of somebody's physical body when you can have part of their soul?
>Being able to stop being human and just BE is... omfgyesplease
That certainly sounds like something to experience but i think i'd more like the "owner side" of things. Plus i think i wouldn't be physicly able to just BE, same goes for hypnosis. It's literally impossible for me to stop thinking.
Damn, and here i thought i had good imagination
I would say that broken bones and permanent body changes/differences are two fundamentally different things
That's interesting. Never thought about it but that actually sounds like a "good idea" to get used to that. But i hope you have already gotten over it. It probably wouldn't be best to keep it like that forever
>I would say that broken bones and permanent body changes/differences are two fundamentally different things
I will accept this observation, my brain is rather fried at the moment.
> It's literally impossible for me to stop thinking.
Just about anyone can go down given work, analysis, and willingness, so don't give up hope if you're wanting hypnosis. I can't say either way in terms of sub/dom space.
> It probably wouldn't be best to keep it like that forever
I'm mostly over it, thanks to some really amazing people from this community; At the time, though, I was so fucked up that I couldn't see how it was anything but a good thing.
That sounds kind of like an older issue I had... Can't protect everyone, can only do your best, I have to keep telling myself.
Unrelated, anyone have any thoughts on how reliable various leather vendors are in the US? Not sure if we have any makers here.
Thanks. This was a good laugh when I needed it today.>>5891527
>And on that note, Ghost, you seem the most experienced petty dabbler in matters of the mind. Any advice on... Call it self-trance to achieve petspace?
Some self guided imagery would likely work well.
The idea is that you want to bring one set of emotions into focus, and let the others quietly fade to black. Experiment to see what combination of imagery and metaphor works well for you.
If you favor sound, them imagining all your emotions, worries, cares, etc as a group of instruments. String instruments work well for a lot of people. Have the instruments that represent your desire for pet play be front and center. Slowly letting the other music quiet and fade while the tones relating pet play become more vibrant. Maybe you imagine this imagery in a music hall. Imagine the sound bounding around the walls and ceiling and resonating. Growing stronger as you feel the rich vibrations flowing over your skin.
I find there is a physical component to everything with hypnosis. People carry their emotions and feelings in their muscles, in tense knots, or just feelings in their gut. As you shift your emotions and bring being a pet into focus, you'll feel tensions ion your body shifting. This means you're on the right track. Go with it and observe how you react to different guided imagery.
There can be a few emotions that'll pop up which may create an obstacle. For me, I'll often jump and focus on potential sources of pain and danger. I always feel like I'm being watched and preyed upon. At the first sign of fear I'll start mentally playing through scenarios of people walking in and disturbing me, preying on me, or twisting a knife in my permeating sense of guilt. I try not to blame myself when this happens and just relax. I'll guide my focus back to being in the moment like tuning a radio dial back to a desired station.
You don't need to get any of this perfect by any means. Think of it like pushing a rock down a hill. All you need is to get that rock to a tipping point, and your desire for a pet head space will pull the rest of your mind along for the ride.
Google reverse image search is what I'll use. Sorry, but I don't know the name off hand.
>Functionally(channeling my therapist here) it turns into a God complex where I believe I have the ability and responsibility to control everyone around me, followed by crushing guilt when I'm not omnipotent and can't protect them from harm.
Learning how to reconcile the limitations of being just one person is really hard. Life puts you in situations that are so much bigger than you. Sometimes that's a psychotic controlling parent when you're a small child. Sometimes it's watching a loved one's life fall apart. Sometimes it's being powerful yet being all the more vulnerable to having that power manipulate and control you. These are bog questions where there are no clear cut answers. Even when you find useful bits, this issues are never answered. Just facing things that are forever unknown and beyond your ability to understand is scary.
please tell me someone's chosen name as deliberate Blues Brothers? i find myself so very wanting the idea of someone starting a play party with "they can't stop us. we're on a mission from god."
mm, everythingslut is an abrasive ass (along with the rest of her anatomy) and anything she says that seems outwardly personal it's safe to ignore.
>It's literally impossible for me to stop thinking.
i know that i -just- said don't take me as baseline, but if someone with 8-way DID and 5 separate doses of 'can't ever stop, they'll catch me if i stop', AND (formerly) overwhelming terror of hypnosis due to experiences with abusers can go down, so can you.
Everyone has different neurology, to be sure, but finding the right buttons to get relaxation going, just about anyone can drop into trance.
Most people have Windows.
> GUI toolkit
It would be nifty but not necessary. I can use an IDE or just notepad++.
I used to be a prolific text quest maker for Space Rangers, and their development tool actually let you visualize code in a flowchart-like fashion.
Yeah, you're right, my problems with it are laughable compared to what you wrote. It's just that i can't really imagine it. It really does seem impossible, i mean it sometimes takes up to four hours for me to just fall asleep because of "thinking"
>Unrelated, anyone have any thoughts on how reliable various leather vendors are in the US?
Can't help (For obvious reasons) but i wanted to ask how much would a collar cost? Like not some crazy expensive one, but one that's maybe a little bit fancier.
>please tell me someone's chosen name as deliberate Blues Brothers? i find myself so very wanting the idea of someone starting a play party with "they can't stop us. we're on a mission from god."
It was a chosen name, knowing him, yes probably.
I saw a few art pieces with this character and all of them were very good, so i finally decided to look it up. Turns out her name is Takagi Mikoto, she's an immortal girl who sells her own flesh as meat. Looks like i found my favourite doujin char.
I don't think you understand, you need some sort of GUI library unless you want to do strictly console output. Whatever IDE or text editor you use doesn't really affect how you display the program.
If theoretically you were to write your own engine you'd need GUI. If you can find an engine that does everything you want (storylines with rooms and items, right?) than more power too you, but if you can't I don't imagine something like that would be too hard to write.
Oh, I thought you meant a graphical IDE rather than a GUI library.
The issue I have with i-fiction engines is that, for example, if I want to write dialog and avoid welcome to corneria situations where you can ask the same thing over and over infinitely, I will have to make a separate scene for every single possible order of dialogue responses, which is obscene. Writing the same in python in an ad hoc kinda way is also obscene, so I will be forced to make my own engine, GUI and all, for one use.
>Tansuke is a good artist.
Oh definitely. Now that i went through some of his art i have to strongly agree.
>Right thigh - Edible
Ohmygod i can't take this. Too much
I know, right? Just the idea of a hypnosis collar that turns someone into a mind blank slave eager to please.
And that "SLUT" displayed for all to see.
For many a long few years, I didn't think it was possible either. I didn't even know that was a thing that could happen. I had a lot of issues with feeling like I was pretending to be someone else in different situations, and it's still kind of weird to come down from those moments too, since slipping back into place almost always involves a bit of shock at what I did, and fear that in acting without controlled restraint I might have suddenly done something terrible or upsetting to whoever I dropped those walls around.
About the only ones impossible to hypnotize are those who physically cannot focus for whatever rare reason. Though just like everyone has different levels of pain tolerance, everyone has different levels of susceptibility, so it can take more practice than others for some.
The imagination bit comes with its downsides, though, lol. It was... an interesting moment when I realized actual sex didn't live up to or fit the way I had imagined it would be like and had to reassess it all. For the longest time I didn't think it was anything special at all though, until like... my ex had me try something one day. She was really surprised when I described the sort of... world that developed in my imagination just from listening to one of her vocal-less music tracks. I always thought it was normal to be able to imagine things in full sensory 3D detail.
Hmm, I've never tried quest, though I've tried Inform and a few others used by the devs on TFGameSite.
They seem to offer me the interpreter for free. The editor I have to pay shekels for, or steal from somewhere.
Quest is eh.
If I want to write a dialogue with branching choices, I will have to write a separate page for every single possible order of responses, it seems.
Not to mention having to add "check inventory" and other universal actions to every single page where they are possible.
Addendum: By physically cannot focus, I'm referring to honestly severe issues. (Or cases of extreme drug impairment via alcohol or other substances.)
I myself have ADD and that's not enough to stop me from going under.
To chime in on this, for me, I see my emotions in colors when I focus on them the way Ghost describes. So blends of different hues become representations of different emotional knots. Or sometimes they'll take other visual representations like lights, fire, ice or water. So focusing on the imagery and sensations of petlike parts such as ears sends me down quick.
I know what I've read about hypnosis talks about modals, and how people generally favor sound, touch, or sight, with a few other slightly rarer modals. Recognizing and playing up to your modal supposedly makes things easier, though I probably need a bit more testing to confirm it myself.
Inform might be better for what you're looking for then:
Yep, my problem, laughable. Just forget i ever said anything. Who knows, if i really tried it probably wouldn't be "such a problem".
Big imagination is a gift just as much it is a curse, i know what you mean. I also have experience with that saying
So i'm not the only one with cannibalistic fantasies? Good, world is a little bit less lonely now. Although i'm more for the "light ones", the ones where nobody actually dies (Being immortal ofcourse takes good care of that problem)
My christmas present to my dom came today. I'm giddy. It's my first "sex" purchase. It's one of those douchebaggy "i bought this for you but really for me" gifts, but I got him "real" presents as well.
It's a leather panel gag with a ball gag built in. Two straps around the back of the head- they could be sturdier but meh. There is a fun buckle on the front that, when tightened, pushes the ball further into your mouth. It's very secure sound-wise. And it looks amazing.
I also got him bondage tape, which I know he'll love. He tied up some poor girl entirely with duct tape a year or so back, simply due to lack of materials. Never again my darling.
It's taking all my willpower not to tell him about it. And of course no one IRL wants to hear about the sex toys I bought my fuckbuddy, so here I am!
Recent events have made it difficult to fall asleep tonight. So I'm up and awake to work on game design. Most people would have just grabbed a system off the shelves, but I do enjoy my homebrewing. Tonight is going through Bioware's catalog and filing off the serial numbers.
Enjoy your present and have a great sexy time. *Noseboop* Welcome to the thread!
Does anyone here have any experience coping with loss while in a power relationship? I could use some advice. I lost my father last July and ever since I've been absolutely disinterested in sex of any kind, aside from a few sporadic instances.
My partner and I are switches, with he leaning more towards subbing and I towards domming and we've been together for 6 years now. I'm worried that my inability to dominate or even participate in bed is hurting him on a deeper level than he lets on. He usually makes a few attempts to engage me and then gives up and takes care of himself, and I always feel awful.
I've found that sometimes if I just have sex regardless of whether or not I want to, I can sort of start to enjoy it as things get heated. I always leave partially unsatisfied, but glad that I could make my one and only happy.
Is this strong-arming an okay way of handling this, or is this gonna lead to more emotional issues for myself down the line? How do you coax your libido out of hiding after dealing with a loss??
P.S. thanks to anyone who read this rambling mess.
Nobody's problems are laughable, except perhaps in cartoons.
As for collar costs.... I don't actually know. I'm just getting started, trying to hone my skills some before starting to sell.
I don't think I'd charge too much, though. I hate to lowball myself later in the process but a well-tooled collar shouldn't be more than a hundred, in my naive estimation.
talk to him about it, and see what can be done. it sounds like you need to process more of your grief before libido can resurge fully, strong-arming, as you put it, can handle this, so long as you are choosing to from a position of 'we're seeking sex and intimacy in the name of love' and avoid letting yourself get into 'they don't really care, they just want sex' headspaces, which is probably not at all true.
You need to grieve.
I know it was a year+ since your father died and you have already mourned but I'm telling you you haven't finished.
There are no rules for emotions, it will take as long as it will.
You are obviously still holding back from confronting some hard emotions. Until you do you are just prolonging it.
If you don't you can't ever get into a headspace that lets you -be- then it will keep costing you parts of your life, and not just sexuality. This one isn't only an S/m problem.
This problem isn't the yips or performance anxiety or some mental block. You can't adapt your lifestyle to accommodate this problem. You can't move past it until you face these emotions.
Your sense of loss is a pain that you are confronting even now, or maybe trying too hard not to confront right now.
Trust me. When I lost my father at 12 I was surrounded by people telling me when and how to express my emotions. That set me back some. It wasn't until I took the time to sit there and allow my emotions to come naturally and unprompted that I was actually honestly grieving the loss for all it was and all it wasn't.
You have to do the same.
Yeah, I know for a fact that he doesn't "just want sex" so I can already stop myself from getting there, which is good.
Hm. I feel almost like I don't know how to grieve??? I mean when it happened I spent quite literally a week doing absolutely nothing but crying and playing skyrim, but maybe there are still some things I haven't worked through. I do know I still feel intensely guilty about it, and maybe that's something I can talk through with my partner.
On a lighter note, last night we were able to be intimate twice, and I didn't feel like I was forcing it this time. It was pretty straightforward vanilla stuff the first time, the second time I was able to take control and talk dirty and all the lovely stuff that I know he craves. I'm not sure if this is an indicator of a comeback, but I still gotta appreciate the small victories. <3
Both are good, but I like the second one MUCH MUCH better. That advice is perfect.
I understand your partners loss at desire for intimacy, but honestly? They should be considerate of your loss. Although if you've been hiding it I can see them not realizing that being the problem, regardless, if your partner is decent and you express why things have been the way they are, then they'll understand and do what they can to console you. So don't be ashamed, it's okay to take your time. Loss is hard to cope with. Extremely hard. One loss took me a good two years to cope with it.
There is nothing wrong with being human, and you aren't obligated to force yourself to deal with things on your own. Anyone with a heart will be happy to make little sacrifices to help you out.
I know I shouldn't force anything, but this isn't just something my partner wants, it's something I want as well. I miss feeling sexy and in-control. Releasing those dominant urges was always very cathartic for me regardless of what was going on in my life. Though your probably right that I should still try and take my time.
Luckily for me, he's been extremely considerate and always asks politely if I'm interested and respects my boundaries if I set them or if I say no. I'm just concerned that these repeated instances of turning him down are hurting him, and I'm just looking for ways to get the fire back.
Ah, that makes sense. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'd recommend just starting off slowly. Have cuddle sessions. Kiss them. Touch them. Do sexy stuff, feel sexy. Wear sexy stuff.
Lay in bed and share fantasies while cuddling, be romantic. Buy scented oil and massage each other. Appreciate them.
Just let yourself feel safe, open, honest and connect with them, and things will eventually fall into place, and focus on healing yourself as well.
It's hard not to be tempted to do sexy stuff when you buy a new toy or whatnot! Figure what works for you.
Go on a date, at home or out, make dinner, share popcorn and watch a movie with lots of cuddling, tease each other, at dinner make sexy comments about what you both want.
Be romantic! you can still be in a kink relationship with romance, and adapt it to tastes. Do things that encourage what you want and be open to it, most of the time people close off or get in the habit of getting comfortable and not going out of their way to initiate it and things go stale, so go out of your way to work it into both your routines.
Nothing wrong with that. When my grandparents passed away both my Mother and I responded by drowning ourselves in work for year or so until Christmas came back around and we were forced to talk about their passing again with relatives. It still bites me around the holidays some even now, 5 years later.
I remember spending some days crying over the fact wasn't able to cry over their death. As paradoxical as that may sound. So whatever form working through it takes for you is perfectly fine.
The only thing you have any obligation to do is make sure the bills keep getting paid.
If your partner's good, they'll understand that you're grieving, and they'll be there for. Like kittendoll said, forcing yourself to be intimate some can be healthy, but you want it to be your choice.
Loss is always hard to cope with, no matter the form it takes, and feel free to work through it however you need to.
That sounds like a good attitude to me, and I think >>5893344 put it well.
>Nobody's problems are laughable
It probably wouldn't be the best idea to tell someone that about their problems. But what if they says so themselves? Especially if it's really true
>shouldn't be more than a hundred
... Well, it could have been worse
Also, since you people here sometimes help others with BDSM unrelated stuff and i already saw atleast one conversation on a similar topic, would anybody here have some advice on how to keep someone from trying to kill themselves
My girlfriend and I are looking for a gag ball, but all I find looks more like paying for a brand name than for quality.
Could you recommend us some nice one or a good online shop? She says she´d prefer something soft in the mouth rather than one of hard plastic or whatever.
>wouldn't be the best idea to tell someone that about their problems
I must be misunderstanding, why wouldn't I tell someone I plan to take their problems seriously?
And yeah, I'm guessing completely on the price. Sorry.
>how to keep someone from trying to kill themselves
This varies extremely far based on the person and their reasoning, and jesus christ is it a big subject or what.
Doesn't really seem like it, does it? Fortunately we're tenacious bunch, it appears.
Got any US sources for that sort of thing?
I had a fairly comfortable, middle-class childhood and am marrying my high-school sweetheart. It wasn't until long after I discovered my interest in BDSM that my fucked up personal problems started.
Oh, sorry about that. I didn't phrase it very well, did i. What i meant is that telling somebody that their problems are laughable or anything like that, even if it's true, wouldn't be exactly nice but more importantly could have bad consequences (Although that depends, in some situations it can have the opposite effect) But when those people themselves say it/admit it then there's no harm, it should be fine
I think the price isn't far off. It would be delusional to think that it would be cheap
>This varies extremely far based on the person and their reasoning
Yeah, i know there isn't something like "general advice" when it comes to this but asking doesn't hurt, so i asked.
I have my share of problems like everybody else but none of them are comparable to most of the problems some people here have or had
I had a good upbringing, I was raised in a military family with a conservative Christian faith. I was taught to be respectful of myself and others, with my goatee people mistake my age by nine years because of my manners. Besides being strict a bit of a strict household I turned out ok. Than I found my kink at 17 and have been living in the shadows as a heretic hiding kink ever since. God forbid they ever find out.
Regardless that I'm heterosexual my family (especially my older sisters) would flip the fuck out if they knew I practiced BDSM. Hell they think heavy metal is the work of the devil.
>On a lighter note, last night we were able to be intimate twice, and I didn't feel like I was forcing it this time.
Perhaps talking about it helps. Plenty of people have talked about their troubles on this thread and found help. Sounds like you're on the right track..
Seconding this post. Anon knows what they are talking about.
>Also, since you people here sometimes help others with BDSM unrelated stuff and i already saw atleast one conversation on a similar topic, would anybody here have some advice on how to keep someone from trying to kill themselves
Talk to them. Be a positive presence in their life. Figure out what is bothering them and the logical fallacies that push them to suicide.
I'm worthless. No one will miss me when I'm gone. Death is the only way the pain will stop.
Figure out what's eating them and deconstruct it one by one. Make plans for the future. Plans to hang out on skype. Plans to see a movie. Plans to hang out. When you're done talking with them, mention how you look forward to seeing them tomorrow. Give them a great big hug and be unashamed about how much you enjoy their company.
Take care of yourself too. Trying to keep someone alive is one of the most difficult undertakings imaginable. You'll be working against fear and doubt of if they don't survive once your back is turned. Remember that all salvation is temporary.
I have a story about this, it boils down to "keep them talking."
The most traumatic thing I've ever experienced was The Groke in the Moomins. But I got over that when it turned out she just wanted hugs.
So yeah, not everyone here is here because of something bad happened to them.
I returned home from my tour in Iraq right before Christmas of 2009. I dealt with my experience overseas by being blackout drunk more days than not. A few months later constant inebriation lost it's luster and the following summer my friend Will (made up name) returned home from college. We both had a mountain of baggage to work through.
My grandfather had just died and I started to unpack the experiences s overseas that I had buried. I saw how my grandfather's experiences in WW2 had ate him alive. Because he never dealt with his trauma, it never left him.
Will had grown up with his abusive mother, and was realizing the tenuous hope for a better life wouldn't magically arrive when he has his diploma.
We were there for each other at a time with both of us were struggling with suicide. A lot of the time I kept going on another day because I knew that offing myself would likely force Will over the edge, and I wasn't going to take him with me.
One night, about 16 months after will got back home from College, I got a strangely worded text from will at 1:30 am. The messages meant "goodbye." I remembered the phrase "keep them talking" and jumped in my car. I text Will as I'm getting my car started, and keep calling him while I speed down the road at 80 miles per hour, only slowing down as to not swerve off the road at narrow turns. A 20 minute drive took only takes 8 minutes as I miraculously don't run into any cops.
When I arrive at Will's place I bang on the door, ring the door bell, shout up to his window, and get his dog howling like Armageddon has arrived. There is no response. Over two minutes I try calling him as I'm growing more frantic and terrified I arrived too late. Just as I'm about to chuck a large rock through his window, Will calls me back. A minute later he's on the front porch talking with me.
Will plays the whole thing off like it's no big deal, but I keep him talking over the next ten minutes. Telling him the story of how I got there and what had bee going on in my mind. I watch him closely to let him speak when he has something to say, and press him when I see him zoning out.
After 10 minutes of chatter Will relaxes and tells me that he had a full pill bottle in his hand and ready to go when he sent me that text.
I keep him talking. I let him vet, yell, scream, cry, just letting him release all that pent up hurt in a way that isn't self destruction. Another 45 minutes later he's calmed down tot he point that he isn't dismissing me anymore, and seems like he'll make it through the night.
Even after Iraq, this was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Being there for someone on the verge of suicide is the most helpless and scared feeling I've experienced, because I'm right there in the fox hole suffering with them. Take care of yourself, and when the moment comes to keep your friend alive, keep them talking.
You know, this thread has brought up alot about aftercare, and most of the time, people only think about the subs aftercare.
Now while I do realize that it is extremely important, can we get some discussion on aftercare for the Dom/me?
I can tell you, and my sub can tell you, sometimes when I get done with her, I'm worse off than her.
I may be a manly man, but I often get done after an intense session with her, and suddenly find myself crying!
She winds up cuddling me, and reassuring me. Usually works.
My point is, is there anyway to avoid this top-drop? and if not, how do you go about mitigating it or handling it?
Been looking for almost 2 weeks to find someone to serve (domestic servitude) in London. Not even looking for play or anything, just doing housework. I literally couldn't find anyone with whom I have a guaranteed meeting. One said maybe, one said will message me at some point, one deleted her profile, one said I'm too young, etc, etc.
What do? I tried fetlife, servants4u, collarspace
FWIW i'm 21
Sweet mother of god is dom/top-drop terrible.
I'll have blankets on hand to wrap around myself. Hydration is a big factor. Hydrate, before and after a session. Often snack with protein help out a great deal. My go to snack are pizza rolls.
The biggest mitigating factor for top drop is learning to take breaks during a play session to bring yourself out of the intense buzz of being in control. Yeah it takes away from the mood and breaks the tempo, but it also means I don't have a horrific crash afterwards.
Too bad you don't live near Cleveland. I could use a hand with housework.
Try talking to Djejuty or Hex. They have a far better understanding of the London kink scene than I.
As usual, Ghost puts everything very well. For bothtop-drop and intervening for friends.
>Take care of yourself too
This is where I always have issue, and something to be careful about. Remember that however much you love them, their life is still in their own hands. You are support, but not responsible for them. And if it's too much, widen their support network. Gets friends and family involved to take some of the pressure off you, and if they ever get to the very very edge there is no shame in calling to have them taken to hospital.
Thanks for the advice and for sharing the story. Problem is you can only do so much over the ether. When you're not directly with them it seems even harder.
>I got a strangely worded text from will at 1:30 am. The messages meant "goodbye."
I know how that feels
The reason why i asked for advice is because somebody i would really rather see alive tried to kill herself. The worst part is that before she did it she send me something similar, not literal goodbye but similar. I couldn't call her nor go to her. I could only text back. I tried to talk her out of it but to no avail. I learned the day after she went and did it anyway. Fortunately she wasn't 100% sure or survival instinct kicked in because the cuts were too shallow. But let me tell you, that failure felt like being hit by a truck. Even though she wasn't able to go completely through in the end it was already her second attempt (Pills were the first) and i don't want to risk that the third one will be a success. And since i saw something about suicides here i thought i could ask
>Hell they think heavy metal is the work of the devil
I hope they don't know about -core metal and other similar subtypes. I'm pretty sure Vatican hasn't yet learned of those genres either otherwise i'm pretty sure we would have another crusade on our hands
Didn't update before posting, thanks to you as well. It's funny that i have a feeling i did better by asking here than going through 40 min long google search. Although i might try that as well
I've been posting more frequently, so I named myself. Same as my fetlife (though it's not worth contacting me there, I'm not really interested in anything new irl)
my university has an anonymous confessions page, and somebody just told in great detail about their petplay fetish and about going to buy a collar with their boyfriend. I wish I had a way of contacting them so I could feel less like the only weird one in this hellhole of a school.
Anyway, if you're here, confessor #1586, no, you're not too into bdsm. I wrote my final paper for my lab class wearing nothing but ropes.
mostly, the same way as one handles sub-drop. knowing it happens, experimenting to find what works for you to sort it out, and making plans beforehand to do so. and the holy trinity of snuggles, fluids, and noms.
the biggest change for top drop tends to be reassurance that tops aren't bad people for what they do, the sub giving reassurance that they enjoyed it, and other reassurances depending on the nature of the relationship.
hmm. if not for the fact that it would signal toppyness, and that my pockets are generally always full of stuff anyway, the notion of walking around with a coiled leash in pocket and the handle dangling out to be seen sounds like a fun way to send signals!
smallworldism has happened before.
Happy heterosexual male here. I have a wonderful life, a wonderful girlfriend/Mistress, am studying to become a geneticist, and have never experienced any trauma. I'm into BDSM because it turns me on, not because anything happened to me.
Thanks for the advice! And that's what I figured and that's really what she does, and the problem in my head is, I worry "damn am I an awful person?" and she assures me that no, no I am not, and she loved what I did.
Not gonna lie tho, somewhere as I'm sorting pout the drop, I am loving the cuddle.
Huh. I can almost see what you mean with being so engrossed in books, but I'm not sure I feel it to the same extant. Still, that's very interesting, and thank you for that.
I've spent much of my life with books, so working off that, I came up with the idea of... various books for various modes. One for me, one for pet-me, one for work-me, so on and so forth. I tried to follow >>5891636 to some extant, and meditate to try and clear my mind before stage two, and trying to adopt pet-brain. Annnnd I fell asleep. Turns out clearing your head and disassociating your thoughts from your body is also a great way to get to sleep. Good knowledge for the future, but not helpful for my current aims. I'll give it another shot tonight.
We enjoy your sexy enthusiasm.
I got mine for ~$25 American. It's nice leather, with a d-ring and even a locking buckle, for a padlock. Haven't messed around with that part of it yet.
100% non-abused, barely any problems, and exceedingly happy with my penis where it is. Sorry I don't fit into the profile.
God, I know that feel. Had a online friend of mine caught up in a depressive spiral send several self-harmful messages and then stop responding. Thankfully their roommate got my email and checked on them before I dialed the PD. (She's much better, and living with strong emotional support now in case anyone's wondering.)
Hello, very much new to this scene, and pretty nervous about it. I am married and want to get my wife to try dominating me, and I'm screwing up my courage to talk about it. We have tried a few things in the past, with having hands tied and such, but its never gotten that power exchange or a real feeling of being made to submit and I want to take it there.
Gather stories of how couples have used BDSM in a loving and caring context. Everyone, including me, has biases and preconceived notions of what a kink is before we have any real experience. To some degree you'll be hitting up against those preconceptions.
Work on building up your courage and start with small things. Like giving her a back rub or foot massage. Something she'll enjoy from a physical perspective where power exchange can be slowly introduced.
That's assuming a worst case scenario. She may be enthusiastically up for the idea. When I was dating one of my exes I was having a rough day and said without any prior mention of kink, "Would you mind if I let off some steam by tying you up and spanking you to tears?"
His sheepish response? "Do you have to wait until you need to blow off steam?" After that point he loved the idea of being tied up, bound, and abused. All it took was bringing up kink in the conversation and he was happy to go full steam ahead.
Question for the thread. What are your stories of loving and affectionate BDSM anon can showcase to his wife?
I have posted as anon a few times, and I like to lurk and keep up with the goings on around here, but putting in a name today because I need to withdraw some hugs from the hugbox. My little girl and I have been having a hard time of it lately. She seems to thing that she can't satisfy me. She knows I have been with men before and no matter what I say can't help but think that she can't satisfy me totally because of it. I accidentally said "good boy" instead of "good girl" last night before we went to bed at about 1 am and she has been upset about it all day. On top of that, I find out that what I thought was a mutual kink, she was doing just to please me. No matter how much I love her lactating, her happiness is worlds more important to me. I found my little girl and I took care of her, I became her Daddy. I grew out of being an emotionally stunted person who was numb about life, and now it seems like it may only serve to make sure I am sad when we break up... She is sad, she is starving herself, I don't know what to do. Any advice or maybe even nice, happy vibes to send this way?
When it gets down to it, BDSM is really about trust. I started dating my current gf/Mistress a little over a year ago, and it only took us about three months to realize we had matching interests. She hadn't explored domming much at all, whereas I'd been a /d/ lurker for years. It was a wonderful thing getting to talk to her about these interests I'd told literally no one else, and having her not only accept them, but come to love them just as much. I know it's lame, but liking BDSM has generally been what I'd consider my biggest secret, and being able to openly and honestly talk about it and engage in it with her meant I had literally nothing to hide, nothing I didn't feel comfortable talking about. You know it's true love when you can ask her to sit on your face and let you lick her asshole while she plays pokemon on her DS and her response is "Sure, why not?"
Like anything else you do in the bed, the point is mutual enjoyment and communication is essential. Talking honestly and having a good time can do nothing but strengthen a relationship. Good luck, anon!
Welcome to the thread! *noseboop*
Not one person is all things. Human beings are complex entities, and people who are bisexual or pansexual tend to have a wide variety of tastes and appetites. I have a long list of kinks and no one person can be all things to me. It just can't happen. Even if a sub was a sex shifting demi-god with inexhaustible stamina, there are just not enough hours in the day to indulge in all the kinks I enjoy.
Consider how many people are in caring and loving relationships. No one person is a perfect fit for the other, yet they manage to make it work. It's ok not to have all your kinks line up, or indulge in what your partner enjoys.
This sounds like insecurities influenced by sexual agency, learning to own and enjoy your own pleasure. All she would need to do is own up to her kinks, and talk to you about them. But owning up to your kinks as a sub can be really, really hard. Try and make a safe space where you can have an open discussion. It sounds like you have some insecurities to worth through as well when it comes to a partner indulging in your kinks.
I'm not the only one in this school of thought. Dan Savage of The Savage Lovecast is one of the strongest proponents to acknowledging that people aren't perfect fits, and healthy relationships don't need to be a perfect fit to be mutually loving and satisfying.
>Not that I am not going to do my own googling, but do you have any suggestions or helpful links for those kinds of stories?
None that come to mind right now. You want stories that focus on affection, instead of hardcore kink. How BDSM is used to further intimacy and trust. If your wife mentions a love of a certain kink, then you bring in stories that cater to her tastes.
Open communication, obviously important in any relationship! Its funny, we have a very open line of communication, we can talk about anything, but I am still really really nervous about bringing this up for some reason. I think its because I didn't really realize, or I think more accurately -accept- that what I wanted was to be dominated until after we had been married a while.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself, if that's acceptable. I'm a long-time lurker, the starter of more than a few femdom threads (The one on /h/ that's been around forever was started by me), and avid follower of bdsmg (Though I'll be honest- I don't know the regulars, I mostly look at the images). I was talking to my gf/Mistress about this some time ago, and she asked me why I didn't post on this thread more frequently, and I said it was because I'm shy. And 4chan does have a tendency to be... somewhat vitriolic. Still, I've been around long enough to realize that it's a pretty safe place to hang and discuss kinks. So here I am naming myself. I look forward to talking with you in the future!
I see what you mean, but she feels like if she can't be everything she isn't good enough / isn't anything. She is the most important thing to me, and no matter what I do it seems like she is dead set on not believing that I am happy with her. And the panic attacks she is very prone to don't help. Thanks for the reply, by the way! I am just going to have to cuddle my sub extra hard tonight, I guess.
May I be next pleeeeeease ?
I totally second that
I can understand your situation. I have been in a quite similar situation. I believe being honest and communicating, reassuring her that you currently are very happy with the solution you two have found so far.
really depending on how much you want to spend on your collar and what kind of collar you want to have. If you want one with your own design and measures, it's gonna cost you 100+, else they can be quite cheap starting at around 20 pounds/euros.
Maybe we'll see each other at the next LFF
10/10 troll. Nice job. Hetero, small cases of depression, else quite normal non-abused person
You, >>5894240 , should learn from him
sub or dom?
Since I come from a neutral country and didn't choose military service I really cannot fathom how the life of a soldier in battle really is...
Are there a lot of soldiers having problems after war is over?
and thanks for sharing your story.. reading it made me very sad
ever been to a munch?
I guess people would like to know you IRL before meeting you in their homes.
That shit post about feminism and BDSM, came from tumblr.
>I think its because I didn't really realize, or I think more accurately -accept- that what I wanted was to be dominated until after we had been married a while.
That tends to happen a lot. Many people don't open up and accept their kink until after they find the safety of a relationship. I know a few local kinksters who didn't discover her kink until a few years into marriage.
Welcome to the thread! *noseboop* Sometimes we get vitriolic people in the thread. I honestly think dealing with trolls has been part of this thread's longevity. As a community we have to deal with trolls coming in and causing trouble, so we get lots of practice at dealing with conflict and communicating.
It sounds like she has this imagine of being a perfect doll of service, and anything less than perfect is scum. Like she has some checklist of external things, and even one unchecked box is just a target for her many anxieties.
If this is the case, I would recommend shifting her perspective from being a perfect doll, to being a better sub. If she has an overwhelming desire to serve you, then make it clear that developing self improvement is your desire. Ensure that the first lesson is that being a better sub is an ongoing process. One that cannot be forced or rushed. Some things take time. She can't clean the whole house in a second or make coffee in the blink of an eye. Her insecurities may fight you on being a better sub. If that happens, let her understand that she just needs to obey and serve, and understanding will come in time.
Any change is painful though. Moving from one method of dealing with low self esteem and anxiety is going to lead to spots where her low self worth is going to crackle light a lighting storm and burn everywhere it finds purchase. I recommend having two hours of daily mandatory snuggling time for her to practice just sitting with her emotions. Not trying to solve or fix her feelings, just sitting with them. She gets daily time for self reflection, and you get a warm pillow.
>May I be next pleeeeeease ?
Yes you may. *Runs his fingers through your hair and scritches along your scalp while the tips of his thumbs massage the sensitive spots right behind your ears.*
>Are there a lot of soldiers having problems after war is over?
Yeah, most people struggle when they come back from overseas. Being a soldier is easy. Being a human being again is hard.
>That tends to happen a lot. Many people don't open up and accept their kink until after they find the safety of a relationship. I know a few local kinksters who didn't discover her kink until a few years into marriage.
This... really this makes me feel a lot better about talking about it with her. I guess I thought it was strange, or might be off putting to her, that I suddenly [to her anyway] found my kink, but in reality I am not the only one who has discovered myself this way, nor the fist to want to admit it to a spouse. I still worry about her response, but at least knowing it -can- come out happily is reassuring.
>sub or dom?
Male Dom if you haven't guessed. I haven't been in a kink relationship in almost 2 and half years. partially from moving and constant work/school. The other is my own habit of being extremely reserved and BDSM is something I keep hidden and is extremely intimate between myself and serious partner.
I'm weird compared to my fellow early 20's not casually dating, my mom jokes about having an old soul.
>I hope they don't know about -core metal and other similar subtypes. I'm pretty sure Vatican hasn't yet learned of those genres either otherwise i'm pretty sure we would have another crusade on our hands
I wasn't raised catholic, I could have a whole debate about how Catholicism isn't really Christianity, but that's a whole other shit storm.
On the subjects of music my parents despise metal and most rock music because of the "screaming" which is retarded. Most music know days is retarded so I just listen to classical, and instrumental.
its part of the erogos series, which has alot in it.
In particular, this one is Ero train
Marriage is already sadomasochism.
It is pledging your soul to someone.
It is domination and submission and role reversals.
It is honesty and acceptance and exposing the worst and best of yourselves to each other.
It is showing your partner the most shameful aspects of who you can be and trusting completely that you will still be loved.
It is always eventually hurting the person you love most in the world in those ways that only you can know and being forgiven.
It is pushing the boundries of who you are and what you could do for those you love and growing as two people together.
It is finding a passion and intensity that only your partner can provide.
It is being shaped by your partner into who and what they need.
Marriage even provides symbolic bonds to forever connect you to one anouther.
The trappings of narrative are different but the intended connection is the same.
So I have a question to those who are into bondage.
Is there anyone else here who only cares about the tying up and restraint aspect of bondage?
Like, I could care less about domming or subbing, or pain, I just like the idea of tying someone up or being tied up myself and having the ability to do whatever you want to the other person and vice versa.
I'm not sure, unfortunately - saved it from somewhere without knowing the source.
I'm pretty much the opposite, but I'm sure there are people for whom bondage is their exclusive paraphilia.
You can wear anything you want as a Dom as long as you own the look. I think it'd be hot.
Are the ballet heels pink???
Basics: if you can find kink porn of a Dominant dressed like that then it's all good.
a ritual (almost) every morning between my Owner and i, is after i shower and get mostly dry, is to crawl back into bed and snuggle up into their armpit, this is then followed by snuggles and petting and skritchies, and basically mild petplay, certainly it's pretty odd during those times for me to communicate in anything other than touch or mewling. is pretty vital to starting the day for me if i need to be 'on the ball' that day.
communicate as much as possible, and remind her of how much she does satisfy you, and how much she's done for you to help you grow, how deeply connected you feel to her.
a talk about expectations might help, certainly, that helped with me when i was stuck in the 'if i can't satisfy everything i'll be replaced by someone who can' loop. ..also what Ghost said in >>5894306, so very much so.
yes. it's going to be far more about what you do, how you act, in 'being taken seriously as a dominant' than what you wear.
This is really tough, and I'll be honest at one point I was like this, so it really isn't easy. But the best way is to really, REALLY show her you love her and how you feel. Part of the problem is although you see it and say it, she can't see it herself. Figure out times where she feels ugly, tell her she's beautiful, and actually SERIOUSLY show her. Hell, make a session out of it. Make her into a slobbering mess and after kiss her lovingly and tell her she's absolutely beautiful and wonderful and you love her. Really, REALLY shove it down her throat, and make her see and feel it, and let her know what her happiness means to you. Tell her you were sad she forced her to do something she didn't like, and that you no longer enjoy it when she isn't, because then she won't be tempted to do it anymore. Show her what you see, and seriously dom it into her. That's the best advice I can give. Support her, and see the issues behind the way she feels, and help her through them. Understand why she feels this way, really communicate, and help her grow. Bring out the best of her. You can do it, man. Part of the problem people like us don't get help is because people give up. Trust me, you can do it, you sound fucking awesome and anyone would be jealous to have you, I really believe in you. You just need to work, and it sounds like you're willing to. *hugs*
It just takes a lot of healing and growing, and that's good for any relationship. I really do hope things go well, but seriously take a day and make her feel and see everything you want to show her, and how she makes you so so happy when she's happy, show her she means the world to you. Imagine, if she was literally forced to see all you do, would she honestly be able to feel so shitty? Of course not.
So just be strong, which you are, and do your best, and work with her and things will get better. And it'll be worth it. You'll have a much happier little girl and it'll be amazing.
Part of the problem people have is because it's difficult they feel bad, or guilty, and it's hard to deny that. But don't. Just give her what she needs. Love. Lots and lots and LOTS of love. So much love she can't see anything else. You'll be fine. It's possible, and you can both better yourself in the process. I promise. I really really do. Heck, if you have a fetlife and you want you can add me there, pancakeoctopus.
I know that catholicism doesn't equal christianity. I have an interest in religion so i'm very aware of that fact. I was just joking.
>Because of the "screaming" which is retarded. Most music know days is retarded so I just listen to classical, and instrumental.
Yeah i can understand that. Everybody has different tastes and not everyone can handle growling/screaming. Personally, i'm a big fan of both metal and classic.
This is probably just art somebody made based on the show. But there is a whipping scene like this in the third episode
Yeah, I guessed so
What does your mom mean by that?
not sure if I agree with that
Yep, sure. I am not into painplay at all.
>having the ability to do whatever you want
It's pretty much definition, but I would say that's power exchange D/s
>a talk about expectations
Could you elaborate that? Do you mean talking about how long you want the relationship to be and that you want to be together for a longer period of time?
From my experience there seems to be a relation between BDSM, metal and people interested in technical stuff (IT).
Could also be because that's my circle of friends
>a talk about expectations
>Could you elaborate that?
i mean about what he expects of her as his sub. and what she expects of him as her dom. the old communicate, communicate, communicate.
Two mind fucks that just hit me.
One is a previous post. Tie a sub's wrists above their head and suspend the rope from the ceiling. Really, just bind them so they can struggle, but can't move from that spot. Then set up a row of pencils in from of the sub. All in perfectly parallel arrangement.
Then slowly reach down to the center pencil. Make a show of your intentions by saying "I'm gonna move it. It's going to be crooked and there is nothing you can do to stop me." Then just as your sub is struggling against their bonds and getting loud, grab the center pencil. Hold for just a moment. Just a single moment for anticipation and reality to sunk in, and move the pencil out of place.
If your sub has even a hint of ocd, they will completely lose their calm.
The next is even easier and doesn't take any rope. Have your sub sit down in a chair, tell them to wait until you leave the room, and then slowly count to 10. At the count of 10 the sub finds a big red button sitting in front of them.
Just imagine what goes on in a sub's mind with a Big. Red. Shiny. Button. No direction or context. Just the button and the endless questions and second guessing if they should,could, will push the button. Best done with analytical subs that scrutinize everything. If you hear your sub shout, "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" your mindfuck has succeeded.
>If your sub has even a hint of ocd, they will completely lose their calm.
...so, SO damn glad that i don't have -that particular form- of ocd.
you monster. just thinking about that as a possibility is spaz-inducing.
>you monster. just thinking about that as a possibility is spaz-inducing
It also doubles as a safe assessment for how a person feels about safety in their own desires, and how much fear intrudes anywhere involving uncertainty. It's a good way to show how cataclysmic expectations build and fire as quickly as a mind can recognize them, and why they are logically absurd in most "safe' situations.
Hot coffee, some warm muffins (blueberry preferred), and maybe a shared biscuit or two
i think i'm a sore loser if i reply in any fashion OTHER than 'well played.'
depends on level of practice with them. but certainly until level of practice where one's as natural on them as flats, pretty much true.
it's the shiny that makes the big draw. if it was a matte button it wouldn't be anywhere near as enticing.
I actually crossdressed while topping once, and it was pretty fun. I get the urge so rarely, but it was back when I had tits so I decided to rock 'em for the evening.
Euurrghhh that's always rough. Everyone handles it differently, but if I've already gotten a gift for that person I will usually give it to them anyway? I try and stay on relatively good terms with everyone so especially if I've picked out a christmas present for them personally I'll give it as a "hey, this was meant for you and I do still care about you as a person, so, merry christmas".
Oh man I'm laughing - Ghost, you're awful.
Hmm, there was always one line from a show that sort of struck me--
I'm not sure if I can do it full justice but "Even superfluous troubles are still troubles." In it's original context, it was spoken by an old lady who grew up in Post-War Japan to a modern young man. The show was covering how he was questioning and agonizing over what his purpose or meaning in life meant. For the old lady, who grew up in a time when survival and putting food on the table was a greater challenge than anything, his problems were almost luxurious. But she recognized that the young man was mentally struggling with his issues just as hard as she had been with feeding her family. That's when she spoke that phrase, which both recognized and acknowledge both sides--that while his problem may seem light in comparison, it weighed no less on him. So, umm, what I'm trying to get with that, is that even if it may seem like a 'laughable' problem, that doesn't change the weight of what it means to you, and it's okay to turn to others in regards to it as well.
Enh, how you count ostracizing/bullying determines whether my issues started in elementary or late-middle school. Early childhood was wonderful.
Eeeeyuk, top drop sucks. I've had it on a few of the rare cases I got into what I was doing. Coming down, all the fears that I might've just hurt my partner or done something heat-of-the-moment that didn't want smacks me like a brick. I've had to talk myself down through it a few times before, which is terrible, so for me it really, really, really helps if the bottom keeps talking and telling me what they liked or how much they liked the play. (Also cuddles, to know I'm not hated. It's really hard when the bottom passes out or goes to sleep, because sometimes I'll feel like I have no right to be touching them despite myself.)
My best friend who recently got married always kind of enjoyed playing with rope, but it wasn't until recent years with his now-wife (who was open about wanting to sub) that he's started to come into more of a dom role.
Not me personally, but talk I've heard suggests quite a few of the rope masters in my local area are all about the rope, and less about other things.
I've seen plenty of imagery with dommes in high-heels, and usually it's pretty hot, so why not? The fact that you have a long, stabby bit to use with your feet is... useful.
It's not fanart nor from the anime. It's a CG from the original euphoria game by ClockUp. It's getting localized and sold (uncensored) in English by MangaGamer this coming year.
That's... devious. I probably wouldn't mind normally, but if those pencils were the only thing to focus on, that would build up agitation like a drippy faucet.
See... for me, I'd probably spend a few moments agonizing (maybe minutes, maybe hours, I don't know), until I finally either just gave in or realized that if my domme put a big red button in front of me, then good or bad it was going to end in fun. And I'd press it to find out what it did.
Just found this on /co/ I thought it would loved a little more over here.
Serious question; how good is fetlife for online dating? I know it's more a social networking site for bdsm people, but I've tried pretty much every other online site and it's not working. Hell, not even craigslist is any good. And yes, I am more interested in a relationship than kinky fuckery... but obviously it's nice to be with somebody who has the same interests.
She keeps eating candy canes to distract herself. The Dom ties her up like that for Christmas. A good dom has the patience to wait. While she is dressed/tied like that till Christmas, she is not allowed to masturbate/touch/fuck/etc until Christmas morning when her dom unwraps. Her stocking is full of dildo's, vibrators, and lube for a very merry Christmas Day.
Which part? Personally I would have the most fun watch her squirm for a six days of anticipation begging to be "opened" early. Than on Christmas I'd take my time sleep in, have my coffee enjoy the morning full of whining and begging.
Oh god my grammar is horrendous. I'm gonna stop using my phone to post from.
My First pet
I had been into Kind and actually been to a Real BDSM dungeon for about a year and still in college, I was still living in the dorms and had a soft job working at the front desk, it sucked because it was from 9 at night to 2 am. At this Pont I was considering myself a switch and had gotten out of a pretty bad relationship just before getting involved with the alt life, so I was eager to get into anything I could. Problem was my rooms mated were always around so I would just do it at my job because I had a computer and no one was gonna stop me.
My school was a commercial arts college so we tended to attract a lot of strange guys and one Click we always had two or three of were Furry’s. Well Most of them were usually retarded and could not draw worth shit but wanted to move to Japan and work for square-enix, needless to say I kept my distance from them but there was one exception. We had a new girl who I had kept my eye one who had a good body and was sporting a D cup that had short hair and seemed to think it was important to walk around whirring a dog collar she had. I knew her room number given my job and also how many people were in it, but by a stork of luck all three of her roomies moved out one semester and she was left to her lonesome.
So every night shed wonder down and watch tv in the lobby in short shorts and a tank top whale I worked and every now and again wed talk a little. But I knew she was a kink girl I just needed to show her when no one was not around. Well one night she had gotten a package and I needed her to sign some stuff before I gave it to her and whale she was close the guard was out, since she was less than two feet from me I reached out and grabbed the ring on the end of her collar and gave it a bit of a jerk. She imedetually gasped and began to blush but she didn’t pull away she just stared, I went a little further and pulled her a little closer and scratched behind her ears witch made her gasp even more. I then whispered to her “are you a good girl?” when she nodded I now asked the big question “if you’re so good why don’t you have someone to take care of you, do you have an owner” this was too much for her she turned red and pulled back but I didn’t stop her I let her go and handed her the package but played it cool and she stopped to stare at me when she was trying to walk away at least three times. For a while I was worried I had blown it but when I got off things turned out to be better. As I walked to the stares I found her there practically hopping up and down, it looked like she had been there for some time and turned bright red when she saw me. Making things a little easier I asked her if she wanted to talk and she nodded so we both had a seat. She had had a pet girl fetish though at the time she didn’t know what it meant and was practically waiting for someone to do so, problem was she was so nervous and shy she did not know how to ask someone. Well as the night grew later I had nothing to do so I went to my room and to get some of my leather toys and then she asked if we could go to her room. Of cores we did and from there it was easy,
I reached into my bag and clipped the leash on her and made she go on all fours witch she seemed to love then I walked her to kitchen when I hand fed her some fruit she still had out before giving her some milk, we talked whale we were doing it to make shire she was conferrable and night by night we went further, from only wherein only a bra and thong to nothing to putting on kitty ears to getting her a good Leather collar instead of one from pet co. the biggest step was making her where a plug with a tail, but I convinced her by saying “awe really think of how pretty you would look don’t you want to be a good girl and look pretty for master?” it took a few nights for her to get use too and I told her to keep it and practice on her own when I was not around which she did eventually she could where it without a fuss and we started taking it to the next level by having her where a chaste belt we made in public then a plug in public with the vibrate on short walks.
Mind you it was not all Sex she liked having rules in public and bring taken on walks and being spoiled and getting to rest her head on my lap and sleep at the foot of my bed when my roommates were out. And eventually she wanted to have another pet girl to play with, which really surprised me. But she had a friend who was coming to visit who was open to it… she liked eating and sharing food with her new friend and also cuddling with her as we trained her to the same level though at first I had Her put in her tail because I loved watching her do so. I still see her, but when I moved out I knew I could not keep and take care of her like she would like so took her collar off, and she eventually got a BF though she text me some times and he does not know about the 7 months she spent with me, and every now and again when I go back to that city we hang out and she wants to be petted again
Its me again, margaret! .. Old references aside, I am just back here to ramble because it makes me feel better. If I take up overly much time with my chattering / venting, give me a kick and I will give it a rest. My little girl is wearing me down currently. I love her more than life itself, but she needs unending, constant attention. As a person who needs me time, and sometimes would really just like to go be stupid with some old almost-friends every now and then it can be a bit heavy around the shoulders some times. Her last relationship was terrible, and the guy just ran off. no goodbye, no breakup, just was gone. I can't imagine life without my little girl, and I know she would freak out and have a panic attack should I tell her I need some time alone. she might just shatter.. Anyway, thanks to anyone who reads or replies, just getting some things off my chest.
I was just another middle class kid who then witnessed a lot of fucked up stuff that happened during high school happened. None of it directly happened to me, but guilt is a bitch, isn't it?
It's why I am a BDSM dom today, because I can't take it when people touch me. But If I'm a dom, it never happens, since I touch them, and not the other way around.
I think I posted on here a while back about how I liked sadism after drifting through the masses of futa
a fun story, and thanks for sharing, but >>5896424
is right. the no 3d rule is pretty heavily enforced.
>How do you actually answer a request like this?
that one goes with the "would you like anything? coffee? tea? or me?" class of questions. the answer is ravishings.
what's her circle of friends like? She'll be more comfortable with you having time to herself if she isn't feeling like that means she's being left alone. simply her having friends that aren't also your friends, and you encouraging her to nurture those relationships and spend time with them as well as with you... well, it's what started the path of getting me over the fear that my Owner needing some private time meant i was going to be thrown away.
That would make a nice saying. And while it certainly is true, i won't argue about that, we still compare. People always compare. I see your point, though. By the way, where did you hear it/name of the show?
>It's a CG from the original euphoria game
I also thought about that but i never saw anything from the actual game so i couldn't tell. So it's finally coming to us, good to hear. I was hoping that would happen
>no 3d rule is pretty heavily enforced.
In regards to that, since this is still a hentai board are there any "anime people" here? If yes and they-you didn't hear about MM! (Emu Emu!) then i would suggest checking it out. It's an anime where the main protagonist is a hard masochist and the show revolves around that
Guys, is it weird that, this morning, I felt like the bonds were... Cuddling me?
I mean, I've felt safe and contented while bound before, but never have I felt like the bonds were cuddling me.
Is this weird at all?
Unfortunately, she only has one friend, and he lives in Europe so a totally different time zone, and she can really only text him. I tried to get her to make more friends, but she doesn't take to it very well.
if it's weird, we're in good company. it's not a big stretch. bonds placed in love are an extension of that love, after all.
that is problematic, yes. go to munches together, see if she can make friends that way? you've called her your little girl, as well, does she identify as 'a little'? i know both littles and pets when there's enough in a munch group there's occasionally arranging 'play dates' that aren't actually sexual so much as just exulting in sharing the role, so for littles tending to involve cartoons and boardgames and plushies and the like.
Honestly, I have no idea. I was studying abroad in Japan at the time (2007-8), and it was a variety show running on TV one night while I ate dinner. The show featured several young people facing different types of troubles and mental struggles, and followed them as it paired them with someone who might help in some way, be it advice, perspective, or something else for a few days.
Yeah, I'm really excited too. I hope it does well, without getting too much hatred thrown at visual novels for being released.
I don't think it's all that weird? At the very least, you're not alone in feeling that way.
I am not really sure she identifies herself as a "little" but she seems close to it at least. she calls me "Daddy", she drinks from sippy cups sometimes, things like that. And then a switch flips sometimes and she is grumpy, won't obey until pressed or punished, pushes me away.. She is a complicated little girl. But anyway, that is a good idea, and I will have to take a look at it.
>check local Craiglist's w4m section, because I'm that forever alone
>there's a sub who's looking for a bdsm relationship
>not some fwb shit, an actual relationship where she also happens to want to be dommed
>[spoiler]she only wants 30-45 y.o.s, and I'm 26[/spoiler]
Honestly, I might try her approach, just to see if I get a bite.
I.. Did I walk in on the back end of an ongoing thing? Its like when the threads on /b/ show up and conversations are still going on...
I've been developing an interest in bdsm since an ex of mine slipped some in during our intimate moments, but nothing ever enticed me to explore more than that, I guess I'll just observe, and try to keep up with the flow of conversation.
>Did I walk in on the back end of an ongoing thing?
Yes. I'm sure if you have any questions, people here with experience would be glad to provide their insight.
Finally going to try and make it to an event next week. Hopefully nothing comes up.
Gotcha gotcha, like I said the kink is a bit... Raw? To me, I've gotten into bondage more so than S/m or pain as pleasure (although I did experiment with hot wax when I was first explorimacating and it was awesome) and I've never been able to find a domme :c most women I've been with were all submissive which didn't fit well with what I was looking for.
Well than if that's the case, why not all Christmas holiday? Christmas is on Thursday, if the Dom doesn't have to go back to work until Monday that's four very long days to play with his toy; although he might end up breaking the poor toy, playing with it for that long with out a break. I mean what would he do with it if it breaks on him?
>What does your mom mean by that?
Well I'm just very mature for my age compared to my fellow generation. Unfortunately I can't stand spending much time with people my age for long periods of time without not wanting to choke the shit out of them for being so immature and childish. Which is a bit of a hindrance causing me to not have many friends.
I was just always more mature than my friends and class mates growing up. On top of it the career path I have chosen has given made me experience most people in there lives would never do or see. So I don't have that much to relate with people my age. I can't talk about work because they either get grossed out, don't understand, or it's confidential. Also I don't drink very much, don't go to bars/clubs, or use social media. My hobby's are collecting and reading books, I play some video games, board/card games, and exercise.
I've ended three different vanilla relationships since my last kink one due to girlfriends behaving immature and childish. I guess I'm just different, but whatever fuck everyone who wouldn't understand they're in the same boat about not understanding BDSM.
A bit of a rant and insight of my personal life and personality and I apologize to the general, no need to be a drama queen and spout my personal problems. The only reason I'm evening sharing is well I don't know any of you fuckers so ha! Anything positive of this post, I think I found my a name if i decide to Namefag in these threads.
I've done a horrible thing /bdsmg/. For some reason I decided there was not enough classic holiday movie rule 34 and started doing the thing. Vaguely erotic art of the tooth-obsessed christmas elf from Rudolph.
I never expected to have a mirror personality with someone I read about on /d/.
>I can't talk about work because they either get grossed out, don't understand, or it's confidential.
Sounds like my line of work, though probably in different ways/reasons.
Oh goddamit, now it's totally due to you that I'm thinking "Yeah... he would be a sadist with a mouth fetish."
i am for some reason imagining the notion of having several different sets of pliers each with their tips colourlessly painted with different flavours for the purpose of adding that extra wrinkle to play like in your pic.
not really 'back end' since we plan to keep going for awhile yet!
yes, yes you have done a horrible thing. Never change, Strange.
Given it's the right time of year for someone to potentially put that movie on for them? Yeah. Best not to have to answer those questions.
[B.C.A.] Vacuum Cousin
>tfw niggas always asking you for sauce
Oh well, thanks anyway
>Euphoria - hatred thrown at visual novels for being released.
I'd say it will get a lot of hatred for a quite different reason. But whatever, i'm really looking forward to it
I wouldn't say i'm more mature or inteligent than most but i can very well relate. Not for the exact same reasons but i can.
Being childish is not necessarily bad. Although define childish
It's very good at that. Look into it, it relies off an object and room system.
I'm an M and I want to start getting into light BDSM with my partner. He isn't very interested in it himself, but he'll try because he knows it would make me happy. Any suggestions for a beginner?