/bdsmg/ -- BDSM & D/s General No. 201
BDSM discussion, stories, questions, random fantasies, just keep it polite and civil.
Fetlife Group -> https://fetlife.com/groups/66560
irc channel: irc.irchighway.net , #bdsmg
To kick things off, why not try your hand at smut writing and describe a fantasy in detail?
>me find sexy lady
>me tie her up
>rape time commences.
I can tomorrow though, haven't flexed my erotica skills in ages.
>To kick things off, why not try your hand at smut writing and describe a fantasy in detail?
so damn tempting to just say 'look at my writings on fetlife'... eh, i'll do somethign new, too.
i wake up, and the first thought in my head as i squirm from 'i have started to wake' towards being able to get up and stuff is the realization that i'm in more bondage than i went to sleep in. A moment of panic, of struggle, and i hear my Owner chuckling at my confusion, feel their hands start stroking and teasing me, before pulling things tighter, and taking the wiggle-room away. And for the day i'm just a toy, bound for every single moment. Ungagged to be fed and watered, but otherwise sightless, voiceless, there to be used.
>on another note
we're past two hundred threads. And all this from the good naturedness to give advice to those who ask it, to share our stories, share our fantasies, and the willingness to say thankyou for what we get from each other. So thankyou all for being awesome, /bdsmg/. Let's keep it up. Or, wet, as relative anatomy permits.
>describe a fantasy in detail
Okay, so I'm a male college student desperate to find a job. I find a volunteer position as a TA under a cute professor, who's a woman somewhere in the 25-30 age range. She notices how unhappy and distant I am in general, so she talks with me sometimes and begins to develop maternal feelings for me. She offers me a paid position under the condition that I do whatever she asks, regardless of how rigorous or uncomfortable it is, which I accept. One day, before class, she orders me to wear a chastity device "for my own good" because she can tell how sexually frustrated I am. I'm surprised and after I ask how long I have to wear it, she tells me she'll take it off when she feels like I'm ready. While I'm sitting next to her at her desk grading stuff during that class, I'm squirming around uncomfortably because of the chastity belt. She notices and find it amusing, so she reaches down to my leg and moves her hand up towards my crotch before rubbing it straight on my crotch. At this point I'm suffering and I plead "Please stop, please" under my breath to which she responds "No, boy. You're under my control and there's nothing you can do." It dawns on me how much I'm going to suffer if I have to wear this indefinitely. After class is over and the room is empty with just me and her, I break down crying and kneel in front of her and beg for her to take it off. She laughs and says "Well, it's good you've learned your place under me, but I'm going to need you to suffer more before you can have your release. A boy like you needs to learn self-control and accept his place under a woman like me." I beg her "Please, can I have an idea of how long I'm going to have to wear this?" and she says "No, and if you keep complaining, I'm going to torture you more like I did today." Over the next few days, she doesn't torture me while I squirm next to her, but she encourages me by putting her hand on my wrist and whispering "Hang in there, you can do it anon."
Eventually, after 4 days, she says she'll take off the device if come to her house I let her restrain me to her bed, which I agree to. While I'm restrained and before she removes the chastity belt, she rubs my legs and says "I can decide to frustrate and deny you even more if I wanted to. Do you understand how powerless you are?" I desperately cry out "Yes, yes!" and arch my back in frustration, which she laughs at. After she takes it off, she slowly runs her hands up my body before tickling me to the point where I'm out of breathe and wheezing. At this point, I'm hard and she grabs the shaft of my penis with one hand while rubbing the head with the palm of her other hand. I squirm around desperately and continuously arch my back and beg her to stroke my shaft. This goes on for a good 10 minutes before I release all the cum I've built up over the past few days, which gets all over my stomach. She then says "I'll come back and have some fun with you after my night class. Goodbye, anon!" before leaving me restrained as a shuddering, semen-covered mess.
That was a bit longer than I wanted it to be but god damn I love the idea of being in that sort of relationship.
particularly like the idea of being bound in place in a room with no natural light, so that my perception of time (from daylight, etc), gets skewed. Might be a little much for some, though
I've got a couple lewd sonnets on my fetlife and a couple lewd stories on my PC and I'm not going to post any of them. (Because first it hurts too much to share most, second, one of the stories is about paedophilia and is very not fun. I wrote it when I was sixteen for an anthology about the mentally ill. If you want to read it, gib email.) However. If anyone asks me to write something, while being specific, I shall.
tl;dr, bored writer, will write for amusement.
pic related, one of the greatest fetishes.
Did it a couple times before, always had a pair of safety shears and like 2 or three pairs of sharp objects lying around incase I needed to get free.
Once with cable ties, basically woke up to numb hands and had to work with those to get the ties off
Another time self mummification with clingfilm, woke up later hot and uncomfortable
I know, that was years ago though, I haven't done self tying with zip ties since. I also have those bigger ones, where I can do just tight enough to not slip off the wrist, but not cut off circulation.
Zip tie bondage can be fun, but make sure to always have some fucking shears or a spotter around, and have one wrist in a looser cuff so you can slip out if you really need to
I've slept with my ankles tied together and my hands cuffed (but not locked), that was fairly doable and fun to wake up in.
That's about it though. I've tried chastity cages but that just caused me to wake up in the middle of the night feeling rather uncomfortable.
I suppose some kind of gag might work if they're comfortable enough and let you breathe through them.
Last weekend I slept with hands cuffed together (around my mistress no less!). Cuffs we're loose enough that I didn't have any circulation problems, and I quite enjoyed waking up like that a couple times that night.
She was beside me - she enjoys laying on top of me, but my lungs enjoy it a little less, when she does it for prolonged periods.
The one downside of the situation was waking up in the morning and needing to use the restroom. Disentangling myself without waking her was a bit of a challenge.
basically, it has to be a bit looser generally so that you can shift near-naturally in your sleep. i sleep in light bondage every night, and it does take some getting used to.
Hi Everyone I'm sorry if I am derailing the smut and story time theme you guys have going here but I am seeking some information that I am really hesitant to find elsewhere.
You see I've been into this stuff since I was a kid because of various psychological hiccups courtesy of my twat of a mom. Pretty shy about it because it falls outside of the norm and an incident with a girl I really cared about. There is just a ton of background to this. I typed out most of it before realizing it was too much so I'll just come out with my question with the bare minimum and provide anything else you guys ask for.
Up until 3 1/2 years ago my life didnt really matter to me and I wasn't worried about my future. I grew up some and now I find myself thinking about a wife and kids. I realized during my growing up that I wanted the exact opposite of my mom in a mother for my own children. I want someone respectable with conservative values and who is family oriented, religious, and pleasant. Aesthetics don't matter to a reasonable extent. But I know, and have known since I developed this standard, that the odds of finding a woman like that, who would also indulge the fringe sexual tastes like the ones here were slim to none. Yesterday my mentor forced me to admit these tastes and he told me what I already knew. What I am into is different and odds are the type of woman I am looking for will have nothing to do with my tastes. Still furious about it, but I began to wonder if maybe there WERE such people out there. I know it would depend on what it is I like specifically and how deeply into it I want to go, and I'll answer those questions if it will lead to an answer for me.
I'm not asking where to find these people. I've seen enough BDSMG threads to know the default answer to that question is fetlife.com.
I want to know are there people out there that you would meet in church and who want a good family that also are into this kind of stuff?
Women who are really into maledom/male supremacy? Goreans?
Odd question... Is there a term for the fetish where you actually are a girls pair of clothing or object, like her knickers or bra? Or something like that?
I have no idea what it is, nor do I know what I'm looking for to see or read stuff like this.
Does this manga, Noboru Miyama's Reira exist anywhere in an english-translated version?
Depends on what you mean by "Conservative values".
If you just mean religious and not a SJW, then yes there are a lot of level-headed Christian kinksters (myself included).
If you mean you want a /pol/ gf, then good luck because she will be batshit crazy and will either hate you for your tastes or have done ludicrous mental gymnastics to justify having them herself. Doesn't matter that it doesn't hurt anyone and the bible doesn't say jack shit about it, that kind of person will just hate themselves and others for being "different" and not fitting the mold of a perfect citizen.
There are people out there that are as you describe and into this. For example I read a while back a blog entry someone had posted when they were asked by a sub how to reconcile their religious views, with their desire to be a sub to their partner.
Unless you feel bdsm would be necessary in your relationship, I'd say just look for someone you want to be with first, and then bring up each others fetishes when you are comfortable.
Probably should have mentioned
I'm 21 male straight
I'm still trying to iron out what I am interested in applying in my real life and what needs to remain fantasy, and the reasons behind them. There's things I can't justify asking about I would need to be requested by the girl.
I'm into control, like a lot. So things like bondage and submission are a sure thing but as far has how deep I want to go I'm not thoroughly sure yet. I would be happy getting that much that it would be up to the sub
Prolonged containment and submission are a huge turn on. A girl I'm going to mention in more detail later once served as a slave to me for a weekend. I dont think I had more than a single sperm cell in me after the first 2 hours.
Discipline and corporal punishment. Everything else pretty much falls under that in one way or another.
I mean religious, so having Judeo-Christian values that's a big deal to me. Family oriented, as in kids come before EVERYTHING then husband, herself, her sibling parents ect. I can't compromise on that lots of stupid shit that shouldn't have happened, know what I mean?
Doing the right thing is more important that personal gain or feeling good. You know the shit they teach you in Sunday school.
I am a republican but I could care less about her politics because I believe you can believe what ever you want, as long as your not doing anything horrible like murdering people or fucking children. At least as shes not a bleeding heart socialist megalomane that is. Nothing wrong with it but being in proximity to that would drive me mad before long if she was vocal about it.
I know what you mean about the conservative politics though I had some thinking to do about that until I decided I live in America and I can like whatever I want long as it's consensual, normalcy is boring anyway.
Thanks for that thing about the Bible I didnt know there was nothing explicitly disallowing this behaviour. Knowing that makes me feel a lot better.
I had been thinking about this for a long time before I got my answer in an experience. After I broke it off with my ex I went to a friend of mine. The cliche of one thing leading to another happens and now I'm "with" this girl. (nothing was official just chill)
I knew she was into this but I was her first so I didn't want to bring it up. eventually she did on her own we discussed safe words and limits. Surprisingly despite me domming she wanted me to do more than I was willing to. Never had as much fun as then, because she was SO into it.
Years later in my line of work I had the opportunity to spend some time with a real working girl, a high class one 10/10 easy, free of charge. So I did on the grounds of testosterone. Had a stupid good time but it still didn't compare to those clumsy sessions with the 6/10 girl who wanted to submit to me and enjoyed it.
So to answer your question, do I need it? No
But I have the feeling that it's a part of me and that it wont be satisfied. I'm worried that a day may come that I go outside of my relationship or worse my marriage to scratch that itch.
Before what triggered me asking about this happened I had just thought I would do as you advised and tried to bring it up later, but I have been thinking a lot and I don't know what I would do if it was a solid and disgusted no. What would be even worse than that though would be if the girl did it out of love but didn't enjoy it. Just totally endured it for my sake. I would really hate myself for that.
Anything else anyone can tell me as far as this stuff goes?
Advice with reconciling myself with my tastes? I was told what normal is growing up but I ignored it because I didn't care but now that all my edgy is behind me it has become a concern
Sources on strategies on getting a girl into this stuff and getting them to sincerely enjoy it. Or find out if a girl has those desires in them latently.
Indeed. If I am to use what I have observed my own little one to do. It depends a bit on what kind of predicament you leave her in. Another bonus to leaving her tied down, is that while she might wake and be needy, she cant really bother you before you wake up, and besides, waking up to soft whimpers and moans is, a good way to start the day.
Oh and yes, to those of you who wonder. We did talk, and we did sort out of problem we had. She`s still overly eager, but, after a rather rough session involving a whip, where I kept at it for as long as I thought it safe, well. I can only hope that she does not develop a tolerance.
depends on your definition of 'a good family' and 'what kind of church'. but short answer? yes.
i am aware of there existing in some locations small munches specifically for kinky members of a specific local church! (the things you find while desperately searching for a 1000-1250ml sippycup)
So unless you're flat out into "let's go to church on sunday after being satanists saturday night", you probably can, if you look hard enough. be prepared to LDR first if needbe, and to either relocate or assist someone in relocating.
depending on which translation, the only stuff is against 'lieth with a man as with a woman' or fornication with animals, or masturbation.
see if there's groups near you. reconciling desires with beliefs is a common struggle. and if you find a munch, go to a munch.
I'm afraid I don't, it was one sent to me a while back, not one I was following. It was a fairly interesting read, a major point brought up was that some very religious subs might view their service to a Dom/me as an extension to serving their god(s), and that the Dom/me acts more as a mentor and teacher in the relationship, which was a little strange to me, but it's a way to look at it I suppose.
>describe a fantasy in detail?
Well I've never actually found out if this is doable, or something someone would actually like.
I suspend her like an exercise punching bag, her arms tied above her head attached to a hook from the ceiling somehow, then her legs and back somehow restricted from curling up too much. Like she's can twist about a bit, but not enough to lose that general extended shape. She's got some sort of gag in her mouth, and maybe something stimulating her downstairs. I'm not sure what would be good for a safe-word, since I'm sure I'd need one for this part.
I'm wearing basic exercise gear, tanktop, gloves, shorts, etc.. I have a long cane, ideally bamboo, but whatever works for this, and I spin it a bit, work up my arms, stretching. All the while I'm pacing around her like a shark, letting her try and keep her eyes on me. I start poking at her body with the cane, watching her body stretch and squash to it brushing by or pushing on her. Not hard yet, just prodding, exploring her meat. Then I slowly get into position, take a deep breath and begin to hit her body with the cane, as hard as I can. I hit her ass, I hit her breasts, I hit her back legs and gut and work up a sweat wailing on her. I let her moan and wail and scream as she needs to, and let her sweet curves get all red and pretty, and she's either crying or she's pissed herself or whenever I feel like it's been enough.
As she's lying there, I pull down my shorts and pee on her, marking my scent on what I did. Then after I'm done. and she's squirmed it off enough, I set her face on my lap, take off her gag, and ask her who I am (her master) who she is (your bitch) and what good girls say (thank you master for giving your bitch what she needs) and I clean up her face and french her, holding up her head while I do this. Then I pet her head, and tell her she's a good girl and a good painslut. Whatever aftercare is needed follows.
That punchbag idea is really cool, I wish I knew somebody who would let me go to town on them like that but nobody I play with has seen that side of me properly. Why do you want to piss on her afterwards though? Not criticising at all, just I was reading along like 'man this is hot' and then suddenly 'wot'. I'm not really into degradation though so maybe that's why I don't get it.
Sup /d/. This isn't quite bondage related but it involves rope so this seems like a good place. I managed to give myself a nasty rope burn earlier today after taking a bad fall whilst rock-climbing, so I would like to know what's good for helping rope burns heal. See pic for the rope burn itself. I've already run it under a cold tap, by the way.
I don't know, maybe I don't. It popped in my head, and I was like 'Well, my fantasy, let's roll with it'. You can probably remove it and nothing's lost.
I get mean when I'm aroused, so it just sort of escalated. I can see why people wouldn't want it.
So here's one I which popped into my mind the other day: 2 webcams and an oculus rift. Positioned properly, you could get sooo many visual effects to spice things up a bit by viewing yourself (and everything being done) from a third person perspective. 2 cameras with about the correct eye separation? Watch as if you were another person in the room. 2 cameras with a much wider separation? Now it's perceived as if you're both very small. Or perhaps attached to some sort of hood on the Dom, with the sub watching from their perspective. Perhaps increase the camera separation, to make themselves seem smaller...
There's a disturbing lack of this type of porn. "living clothes" and "tentacles" on gelbooru will probably net you quite a few results.
People have certain turn-ons. This is /d/, it's not illegal or, really, that immoral, so sure, whatever. Not my cup of tea, but t's fine.
VR is now a turn-on for me.
i should probably write some smut.
I struggle against the ropes that tightly secure my arms behind my back, whimpering softly through the gag. Mistress has me on her sprawled out across her legs with my torso down, one hand running her hands through my hair while the other works something long into my ass. She’s already put what I assume is an onahole onto my dick. I can’t say for sure; the blindfold makes sure of that.
“I know not being allowed to touch yourself for weeks is hard, especially for you, my adorable little slut, so we’re going to try something new today, honey. You’ve been asking me to come for so long now. Today, you get to! Isn’t that exciting?” Mistress twist the onahole, then spanks me, and I moan softly. She chuckles. “So cute.” She rests one of her arms on my back and continues petting me. Even if nothing down there is moving, it’s nice just to have something filling me again, something wrapped around my dick. I try to hump the onahole, but the tape keeps it from moving much along my shaft. Still better than nothing, I think to myself.
And my lower body catches fire.
Mistress’s pushes down on the vibrator in my ass, burrowing it deeper into my prostate. The onahole is shaking in all the right ways. I arch my back in surprise, moaning and whimpering. These are definitely new toys; nothing we have vibrates this much, I think idly. Mistress resumes petting me, just barely running her fingers across my back, tantalizingly close. “I bet the month’s buildup was worth it, hmm? Those are some adorable moans you’re giving off.”
It doesn’t take me long to feel like I’m about to come, but some part of me (that Mistress is probably responsible for) forces me to hold it for as long as I can, until it hurts.
“Getting tense, honey? Is my little slut about to come? Hmm?” I nod. Mistress runs her finger down my neck, down my spine, all the way down to the bottom of my back, before she spanks me. “Go ahead, honey. Come all you want, my little bitch,” she whispers into my ear. Happily, I oblige, releasing a month’s worth of spunk, gasping and arching my back.
As I give my last few spurts and fall down onto her legs, I realize Mistress isn’t turning the vibration off. The tip of my cock starts feeling sore as the onahole vibrates, each rib and each nub making themselves acutely noticeable. My ass starts feeling raw as it starts to get used to the intense vibration. In pain, moaning, whimpering, I come again.
"Just another hour, dear," she says lovingly, the sick irony of her comforting me to endure a situation of her creation lost on her. But the irony is lost on me as well. I’m too far gone to comprehend irony. The only thing that matters is the constant vibration emanating from inside me, the piercing pain of overstimulation, and her loving strokes across the small of my back.
You'd be surprised. Sexuality isn't really something that people get to choose, so you find sexual deviants everywhere. The conservative Christian ones can be hard to find because they not only don't broadcast it but actively try to deny even to themselves that they're really like that a lot of the time. But make no mistake, they're out there. If you want proof, google "domestic discipline". The people who practice it will tell you it's absolutely, definitely not BDSM but a way to improve marriage and hold to traditional gender values and maybe something about Jesus would approve and blah blah blah, but when you have a community of people getting spanked by their spouses and then giddly describing every minute detail of it to each other, well...
>getting a girl into this stuff and getting them to sincerely enjoy it.
The feasibility of that differs from person to person, but my belief is that you can only get a person sincerely into a fetish if they were already predisposed to liking it in the first place (ie they may have very well still developed the fetish on their own at some point had you not come along). They may still try to fulfill your fetishes even if they aren't into them, but you'll be able to tell they're not really into it.
>Or find out if a girl has those desires in them latently.
Use subtle, probing questions. Find out how open she is to new sexual activities (if she's not willing to do doggy style, she's probably not willing to do puppy play). Use "jokes" to gauge reactions to play ideas (again, subtle; you want to be able to convincingly back out if it's obvious you just barked up the wrong tree). If you're already getting intimate though you might also be able to skip to the chase and ask something like "what's your craziest fantasy?" (I did that to a woman once and her response was "have you sit on top of me and ride me around like a pony").
>But I have the feeling that it's a part of me and that it wont be satisfied. I'm worried that a day may come that I go outside of my relationship or worse my marriage to scratch that itch.
IMO one of the dumbest things a person can do is enter a marriage they know they won't be sexually fulfilled in. If you're into BDSM, don't commit your life to someone who isn't. That's like being gay and marrying a woman. You can only fake it for so long.
If rejecting a potential spouse because she isn't into BDSM sounds like a shallow thing to you, go do some googling for awhile. You'll find countless people in miserable marriages (and divorces) who could have avoided it all had they not married someone who didn't share any of their interests.
Words cannot describe how disappointed I was when I found out that prostate stimulation isn't even remotely like what it's portrayed as in porn. My only consolation is that I can have multiple orgasms despite being a man. And not the "stop yourself from cumming at the last second and then cum again" kind of multiple orgasm, but the "cum buckets and then keep going until you cum again" kind.
FUCK! I forgot to give you all my fantasy.
May actually type it up elsewhere and then post it here.
At this moment I am having ideas of a scene involving mouth sutures, being tied down a massage table, a violet wand, and a whole lot of intense high energy play and general sadism.
shit hurts. >_<
>Go to a horse store to buy a riding crop
>qt? cashier asks me what kind of horse I have
How would you handle this?
a possible sub option would be 'i am the horse', too.
I'll admit I occasionally tie myself up and take a nap if I'm really stressed out. Fall asleep a lot easier that way oddly enough.
I have once been careless with how tight my bonds are and woken up with very numb arms. Gotta be careful with that.
Kinda unrelated to anything thus far posted in the thread but:
Went to a munch today. Tried to explain my mild frustration that girls just assume that I'm into the kinkier side of sex, and find me more attractive as a means to experiment before anything else.
I tend to prefer serious relationships over spontaneous hookups so sometimes this backfires in girls dating me for the sex before deciding I'm not good enough for anything else. For some reason I couldn't quite convey this (thanks a lot alcohol).
I guess I could. My angel, is a wonderful girl at times, but there are times, and certain things that bring about, retribution. She knows this, and part of her enjoys getting beaten, spanked, punished in various ways. But, I digress.
There is nothing like having your angel tied up, just barely tight enough so that she can rest on her feet, her arms stretched out and up so that she cant really move. Makes it simple to take your time and admire the softness of her skin, the tender motions, the single whimpered breath she takes as you parallel your tongue and the coil of the whip, up from her feet, to a kiss on her cheek. It is always good to make sure that your angel knows that she is loved, she is special, but, right here, right now, she can do nothing to stop what is going on.
The first tender kiss of the whip leaves a mark on her ass. She likes being spanked, and I enjoy watching her squirm on the days after, and besides, she coos soo wonderfully after the first one.
Alternate between cuddling moments, stroking sessions, teases, massages, kisses of the whip, never let her guess what comes next. At the end, she had been whipped all over, and she both loved, and hated it. She cried as we cuddled, but my concern for her was, misplaced according to her. The spanking I gave her for that made her sleep on her side that night. My angel.
Looking for a hentai I recall reading some time back.
It's about a girl whose doll is broken by some older girl at her school, so she kidnaps and ties up the older girl and tortures her in different ways. It ends with the older girl tied to a chair with her eyelids sewn shut.
Does anyone know the title of this?
padded leather shackles on my wrists, on a medium-loose sliding rope tether wound through the head of the bed. if it's been a bad enough day that i feel a need to ask for heavier tuckins, addition of some subset of another pair of shackles at my ankles, blindfold, and/or fist/paw mitts.
Yeah, you can. Specifically, someone else can do it to you, because i doubt anyone has the discipline to overcome the sensitivity on their own body. But you dont really want to. It just hurts a lot.
Well, there's always the "ask no questions, hear no lies" response. Although I'd probably just tell her about a friend's horse. His dad's Arabian, forget what the mom is. Either way, he's beautiful and he knows it. Gotta do something to keep him in line.
Ironically enough, this same friend is also quite the sadist and an impeccable single tail thrower.
So the liquid courage turned into liquid cowardice? Go figure...
Eh, I wouldn't really say cowardice. This was post-munch at a bar and everyone had been drinking a while. More like everyone else was drunk too and I decided explaining was more trouble than it's worth.
>"How the hell should I know"
But seriously, they'll probably be able to tell at a glance what kind of "horse" you're buying for. You won't be the first kinkster they've had in the store. I doubt they'll care either; they just want your money, same as any other merchant. If you're really scared of someone trying to chat you up about your non-existent horses and equestrian hobbies though, just look busy. Fool around with your smartphone at the register and it's unlikely any small talk will be made, and if they do try to start a conversation you can blow them off easily.
So speaking of pony play, I'm wanting to do something like this with my domme on my back. The main thing I'm concerned about is that she weighs as much as I do (~165 lbs). Just out of curiosity we very quickly (several seconds) tried having her on my back (feet of the ground) with me on all fours and I was able to do it more easily than I thought I would which makes me think this is doable, but I'm still wondering if this is a bad idea or not.
Assuming it's not a terrible idea, what sort of safety precautions should be used? Like signs it's time to stop immediately, technique for both rider and pony, equipment, etc. I've heard about the importance of proper weight distribution with the suggestion to use an actual saddle. Can it be done without that? I'm hardly opposed to getting a saddle, but that shit is expensive and hard to hide.
My bf and I got into the whole slave and master thing some time ago, but are wondering what else can we do?
So far, we have done hand cuffing, blindfold and collar with a leash. He doesn't want to do anything that would harm me in any way, and right now we're experimenting with rope ( shibari? ) which I could wear under my clothes.
So my question is, anything else we could experiment with? Thanks in advance!
I've had a great idea, you guys are going to love this one.
It's a corset with a really rigid back plate so that the load gets spread across your sub's whole back.
You could probably even make it removable and just attach it with straps over the top of the actual corset.
Sure, basically the same thing as just making a normal saddle, but since your sub's wearing a corset you can make it more fitted (and hence effective at distributing the load) because you know exactly what her body shape will be.
I'd probably make it out of 16ga steel with a padded underlay, but leather or plastic would probably work just as well without requiring an anvil.
They sell riding crops at adult bookstores (aka porn stores) too, and they should have a more relevant variety.
...on the other hand, those places might mark up the cost of the crop quite a bit? Like how if you have the brilliant idea to actually buy electronics at Best Buy you'll be punished for doing what seems obvious by paying through the nose?
>describe a fantasy in detail?
It's hard to do this because the fantasy itself isn't very detailed, but I want to go on a day-long shopping trip with a cute young man wearing bondage mittens and effeminate clothes, interrupted only by a brief stop at a local park or cafe.
Unfortunately it's impractical not because I wouldn't be able to find a sub who'd enjoy that, but because even though I love the fantasy, I think it rude to run around in public freaking the mundanes like that.
Well. If the aforsaid boy wasn't on a lead and was simply wearing those mittens to keep out the cold, it's highly feasible. What you've described is called a shopping excursion followed by a date.
If you're interesting as a person, and by "cute young man" you mean submissive (prospective) boyfriend, then it's entirely feasible.
The norms are deluded fools. Vive la perversité.
I've had a fantasy for quite a while of leading a leashed sub around a shopping centre.
My idea is that you could feed the leash down through the sub's sleeve and into a glove that you're wearing. That way you can hold the leash and it'll just look like you're holding hands.
To be fair, dom/sub shit IS a form of LARP.
And the cross-over is enormous.
Basically everyone in the reenactment group (as far as I can tell) is into BDSM.
It's honestly a matter of "who isn't into it" rather than "who is into it".
I wouldn't be surprised if the reenactment-BDSM crossover was as high as the reenactment-vidya crossover.
Bullshit. Whereas D/s is about the dynamic of a relationship, the differences in power and the ability to withstand forms of pain you'd never knew you'd learn to love- LARP is sprogging around in a field wearing aluminium full plate and some sense of pride- I am enacting my dreams here. They both are enacting dreams, but one involves the escapist dream of heroes and orcs, the dream of I Am In Control Of My Destiny, and the other involves the escapist dream of I Am (Not [in the case of subs]) In Control of My Body. They're different aspects of power fantasy, not different tiers.
>Not wanting to be the damsel in distress so that you can get saved by a courageous knight
I can also confirm that chicks in armour are almost universally twice as hot as they are out of armour.
I don't think there is a way for you to see how long is left apart from me telling you, which I can't since I disabled the option to see how long is left
Thanks for the advice I appreciate it.
Oh well on the masturbation thing.
I looked up munch and it sounds great people getting together as normal people just to talk, but what if I was in a position where being seen at such a gathering would be... well not detrimental but disadvantageous for me.
Basically the guy I work with and I are trying to launch a business, and since his past isn't great, he wants me to be the face of it all. I have no problem going to a munch but it wouldn't be great to be found out by the groups whose scrutiny I would be under, if that makes sense.
Thank's for the confirmation, it really helps and I appreciate it. I guess it's just looking for me in public... but in female form. Which brings me to believe it's something you can't tell just by looking at someone, unless your really experienced maybe, so i would have to really get to know them first.
Found a blog and forum on the blog for domestic discipline kinda hard not to call that a text book S&M relationship. I guess from there it would be a small step to actual BDSM play. Even if you had to "force" your wife or girlfriend into it.
Thank you I had no idea it was as common as this
Your first point is a really interesting one I had considered this but only briefly but seeing your comment here makes me think I may have been on to something.
I'm not so good with subtle, not really my personality, guess I need to work on that.
While you have confirmed pretty much my greatest fear as far as a relationship I have to think you I'd much rather know what I'm up against. Seriously a little google went a long way on this one
Thank you all again for your time and again I appreciate it. Feels like I'm back where I started, but at least I didn't let myself be shamed out of it by some one who doesn't understand the whole thing.
I've got your problem, but inverted. I'm a girl, and my boyfriend doesn't really enjoy sincerely these kind of things, even if he try to satisfy me. I'ts frustrating to not see that spark in his eyes.
It depends on what you're interested in. Incorporating the rope to turn you into a footstool can be fun for him. Obviously, there's not a whole lot of fucking going on, but the experience itself can be quite fun.
As long as you're careful, spanking and other impact play can be very enjoyable. If your bf would like to learn, have him send me a message on fetlife. I'll share anything he wants to know.
For the past two decades or so, boys have been raised into pansies. They're conditioned to believe that they should never hit a female, regardless of context. They're told that sex should always be gentle, and anything remotely rough is a life ruining case of rape. The good news is, it's possible to change that. But you're going to have to really work with him to make it happen. Do you guys talk openly? If he's got something on his mind, can he say it freely? Perhaps you could ask him what his fantasy in the bedroom would be. Something he hasn't done before, but would like to try. Nothing is out of the question, and no judgment whatsoever. Give him a week to think about it. When you do decide to share, make sure you tell him how you want to be manhandled. How you want to your ass beaten. And especially how much you like the thought of it. Once he knows that this is absolutely fine, he'll have to wrestle with his conscience and reason himself into being okay with hurting you. You will likely need to coddle him along, especially at first. Stroke his ego after the first scene. Thank him for giving you such a great time. Talk throughout the entire scene. Tell him what he's doing right, and what he should avoid. I hesitate to say topping from the bottom is a good idea, but in this case, you'll need to do this until he takes the reins himself.
If he wants to talk to someone, Don't hesitate to point him my way. I'm around both here and fetlife.
Hi there, /bdsmg/. So, I'm a switch, and I've just started playing with another switch. While I've done this before, it has always been with other girls. This guy is over six feet tall and strong-willed as fuck. Yet, he wants to be broken and used when subbing. I've worked out what to do to place him at my mercy, but I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do to him once he's there. Though we're both young, he has a few erectile problems and doesn't get off easily, so cbt or orgasm denial are pointless. I'm anorgasmic due to antidepressants, so getting him to eat me out gets boring after a while. He doesn't like being spanked or hit, and doesn't like receiving anal. Does anyone have any ideas of things I can make him do once he submits? Please help, it's getting to the point where I'm just letting him dom every time because I'm so out of ideas.
Its the pits huh? definitely listen to this person right below you they get it.
START SLOW you may even precede asking what his fantasies are by telling him to go faster and harder a few minutes in the next few times you guys get intimate.
After you guys have your talk have him start with subtle things that wouldn't be too far out of place with what he considers normal. Holding you down for example would be a good place to start. Subtle is important because that will be a suggestion to his subconscious hopefully making him more comfortable with the whole thing.
Most important is no matter how you decide to proceed make entirely absolutely 100% sure the he KNOWS you are liking it. Moan, scream his name, move with him just whatever you think will show him you are enjoying it during. Not to the point of being obvious but if this guy is worth his salt he should be able to enjoy the fact that you are enjoying yourself.
Or, you know, there's always the route of showing him a shoot from infernal restraints or device bondage and telling him, "I want to be that girl." Though you're more likely to drive him off than turn him on with that result... :P
That's been my experience
I can't get active in my local BDSM group because there are so many people from my parent's reenactment group in it
People who changed my Diapers, people who went to my fourth and fifth birthday parties, I've watched their kids, they are all pushing 50 and I'm just turning 21.
It's ridiculous, and I want to be active in the groups I move to but word passes so quickly through this crowd I'll never be able to show my face online, go to clubs, or show up at munches
Riding crops are normally about £15 at sex shops and my best one was £3.50 from an equestrian wholesaler. So yes, go equestrian.
No? I don't play a role anymore that a gay person is playing a role in dating the same sex.
Have you considered breathplay, bondage, sensation play, humiliation play?
Already have several pairs of kneepads so I'm set on that unless you need some particular kind (I've got dancing kneepads, flooring kneepads, and roller blading/biking kneepads).
Sounds like you guys are saying a saddle is pretty important. Any particular kind I should be looking for? I've heard horse saddles can be used on people, is that true?
Need help with the Humiliation and degradement thing. I'm totally into it but I'm sort of stunted creatively. I have about 6 or 7 base insults that I've learned and used but I'm looking to expand my vocabulary so to speak, can you help?
Go for more psychological play. Humiliation, service, predicament bondage, etc. My personal favorite is pet play which can be filed under humiliation play if you want to go the forced route which it sounds like this guy wants.
have you tried boot worship? really worship in general. Set out rules for him put him in a situation where he can succeed or fail then reward or punish him. (there re more forms of punishment than what you said he doesn't like)
This isn't exactly a fantasy, but it'll probably amuse you guys.
So, we've had a whole range of elections here recently (European, federal, and regional, to be exact) and my girlfriend and I had some sort of a fight after I learned she had voted for one of the more right-wing parties (I am QUITE left-winged), which was to me a huge shock seeing as she doesn't even support the party's ideas (she voted because she was tired of the old political forces in belgium, which are OTHER right-wing parties). Tempers flared, and at some point I actually called her out on supporting Nazis.
After everything settled, we talked everything over, and it came to a point where suddenly we admitted to each other that she wouldn't look bad in a nazi uniform. So we made up plans for this summer, I'd take some sewing classes and make her a uniform that we could use, and she'd practice her German. We're also looking around for a strapon so she can take my anal virginity (We've been talking about that for a long time). In return I get an evening where she'd be my German prisoner and I'd be a Soviet General (spouting cheesy one-liners involving lots of red, Motherland, and Father Stalin. We're a switch couple, in case you're wondering).
That sounds both hilarious and hot - I wish you all the best anon.
Thank you :D We kinda tend to laugh about it as well, but the plans are still serious.
Hahah, it's only places like these where this is being called adorable :')
I realize we're incredibly lucky with each other, we've been together for a little over a year now (almost 24/7, during the week I always stay at her student's appartment since mine just sucks) and in all that time all the fights we've been having (I think about 3, the election one included) were about OTHER people, and all were immediately resolved after happening. We're pretty amazed by it ourselves.
Of course, being students that still live with their parents, getting kinky stuff isn't exactly easy. I still have to figure out a way to explain my mother WHY I want to learn how to sew and WHY I want to make a woman's Nazi uniform (so far, we're thinking about explaining it with cosplay and Wolfenstein).
>I'd take some sewing classes and make her a uniform that we could use
You can buy Nazi uniforms as (un)fetishized as you like. Don't know if it'll be cost prohibitive though, or if you just want to take the opportunity to sew, but that option is there if you're interested.
Also, the party she voted for wasn't Golden Dawn was it?
Yeah, but I'll have a full summer of doing very little anyway, making stuff yourself tends to be cheaper, AND I can take her exact measurements for a great fit (not saying perfect since you can't expect that from the first time).
Not to mention I'll learn how to do something new in the process.
And no, we don't have that party here. Where is it from?
going to a munch, there's nothing TO find out. you met with some people and had some food and did some talking. Use a psuedonym if you really feel a need to, plenty of people in the scene do. And don't go to play parties in public venues.
there are worse things than people knowing you're into BDSM. either these people won't talk to your parents about it, in which case, meh, or they will, in which case your parents are already fine with BDSM on a conceptual level.
>cosplay and Wolfenstein and strapons
So, this is vhy they call you "BJ" Blascovitz, american spy?
Internet is finally back after lightning hit the transformer outside our house.
I decided to check out sub-shop again since the stuff I got from there last time was fantastic. The gag looked okay but it had that rubbery taste that is just awful and the strap was a little rough. I think I just might give up on rubber gags. But the medical grade silicone one I got from pleasure paradox ballgags is rather hard and hurts my teeth. Is it really too much to ask for a ball gag that doesnt taste like crap, looks good and is comfortable? I stupidly threw out the one that had all of the above in a bout of hopelessness a couple years ago.
Could anyone recommend a really good ballgag?
my favourite was one i got from sub-shop, actually. the latex elastic stretch-strap ballgag, was a latex ball stuffed with wadded leather, and a round rubber tube as its strap. very chewable, used it as a sleeper gag for a few years until i ended up chewing through the strap.
A found a really cute online subby today, or better put, she found me and convinced me to try full time online ownership for the first time.
Time to pretend to selfishly exploit her while secretly trying to analyze her likes and adjust accordingly >:3
I'm just feeling a little distressed about it, I hate myself so much for tossing that gag. Its really hard to find a gag that will fit both of us since I need 22" straps for my gags. My kitten really want to try out a ball gag but mine wont fit her since I got it a custom length, why the guy didnt just make holes all the way down, I'll never know. Dammit I wish I had a kinky engineer as a buddy or neighbor.
It is a britbong party.
Also, you better regale us with stories once you get the whole ensemble together.
PS. It is hard to make a hugo boss uniform look bad.
And if you haven't already practiced with your rectum, you REALLY need to. Taking on a full-sized cock is not something you want to dive right into.
Will do, but I think you won't have to expect that story to come until next fall or so (unfortunately).
I know it's impossible to mess op Boss. I'm actually so frustrated that Nazis just HAD to try and extinguish the jews. If they hadn't done that, I'm pretty sure dressing up like one really wouldn't have been such a big deal.
I've read the advice before, and I haven't practiced yet indeed. That's why we're planning to start with something small, and probably already try stuff like anal fingering beforehand. Is regular durex lube good enough for anal play, or do you recommend something better?
>It is a britbong party.
No, it's a Greek party. The closest the UK has to it is the British Nationalist Party. However, whereas the BNP tries to pretend it isn't fascist, Golden Dawn has no qualms about admitting they're effectively a neo-Nazi party (hell, their flag is a modified swastika). Also, whereas the BNP is more or less a fringe party, Golden Dawn is one of the largest political parties in Greece.
this >>5490630 bears repeating:
>these people won't talk to your parents about it
Think about it: if your parents are the kind of people who don't approve of BDSM, do you think their friends will tell them "We saw your son at the local BDSM munch the other day...uh, don't ask why we were there or why we knew what the munch was".
>it had that rubbery taste that is just awful
I hear people say they hate rubber smells/taste a lot. Maybe I'm weird, but I actually like it.
What material is the strap? If it's nylon you can use a soldering iron to poke holes in it. If it's leather you can buy a leather hole puncher and do the same. No need to befriend an engineer. Putting holes in shit is easy.
Gag has a PVC strap. I just cant stand that taste, its too distracting.
>For the past two decades or so, boys have been raised into pansies. They're conditioned to believe that they should never hit a female, regardless of context. They're told that sex should always be gentle, and anything remotely rough is a life ruining case of rape. The good news is, it's possible to change that.
euuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh that has not been my experience...
otherwise, yeah, basically.
that's like the most /d/ relationship story I've ever heard.
that is... fascinating.
The other people seemed to explain why they probably wouldn't mind, but do YOU care?
How off-topic is body modification in this thread? There's got to be at least one regular here who knows something about it, right?
I want a corset piercing, probably on one of my shoulders, but I've never even had my ears pierced before, and supposedly these things require a lot of maintenance to prevent the piercings from migrating completely out of the skin. Anyone know someone who went through with this? Or just advice for someone trying first-time body mods?
PS: although upkeep sounds like a big deal, when I went to a tattoo parlor to ask about piercings, the guys there felt piercings were routine enough that they didn't even need to keep a book like they do for ink work.
also, the one at sex shops are sometimes unsafe.
They use a thin piece of aluminum as the core, and if the top comes off, you basically have a very long knife traveling at high speeds.
munches are usually pretty strong on discretion.
nipples. rope. biting.
how is he in regards to humilation.
saddle might work, problem is you might need one meant for humans, as I don't know if a horse one would fit.
without the saddle might be fine, just make sure she's up near your shoulders or down on your hips, not the small of the back.
>"We saw your son at the local BDSM munch the other day...uh, don't ask why we were there or why we knew what the munch was".
slightly off topic but a thing.
I know a guy whose into being suspended by hooks through his skin, so there is overlap
I'm sorry but thats just adorable. now I want one.
Question for ball gag enthusiasts. Do the ones with chin straps do anything at all to help? The trainer style ones look like they would but chin strap just seems useless other than aesthetic appeal
I don't have much experience with ball gags (everyone I've played with so far refuses to involve them in play even if I'm the sub; oddly enough, they have no qualms about bit gags, go figure). What is this chin strap you're talking about? I've never seen a ball gag with a strap that goes under the chin. I'd imagine such a thing would be functionless since the head strap is what keeps the ball in.
>...on the other hand, those places might mark up the cost of the crop quite a bit?
They do, tremendously. A crop at a sex store will probably run you $20-30. A crop at a tack store will run you $3-$10. And the ones you get a tack shop are higher quality since they're meant to be used on a horse. As >>5491096 mentioned, the sex store ones are also unsafe. It's just a bad deal in every way possible.
You can go to sub-shop(dot)cm and look under the gags and it'll be right there. Its hard to find a silicone gag that is both the right size and is squishy. I looked up the Aslan leather gag and it looks good other than apparently the strap doesnt always stay tight and I want to always feel that gentle or hard tug of the strap.
Is the IRC dead? I can't connect to it.
I see. Now that I think about it what it could be doing is keeping the jaw tight. With a normal ball gag (or at least the only one I've ever used) you can move the ball around a little bit in and out of your mouth, which can help you speak. It's hard to avoid that since a ball that's big enough to keep a person's jaw extended 100% is also too big to go in in the first place (or come out). But with a jaw strap you could force the jaw closed tight on the ball.
But now that I look at the site I'm confused on what a trainer ball gag is for. They look really different from a normal one and none of the extra straps look particularly functional. On top of that, who needs to be trained to use a ball gag? It's a pretty simple thing, pop it in, fasten, mmmmmfffmmff.
Honestly, here are my thoughts on what a chin strap on a ball gag is used for
Loosely put an object in your mouth, but leave your jaw slack. Now push down on the top of your head with your fist. Nothing? Now try from your chin pushing up on that slack jaw. See how easily it can close it and keep it held closed?
Basically what you said, it keeps the jaw tight and the mouth closed around the gag.
it looks like all the trainer gags have chin straps as well so they hold top and bottom. We did a trainer style gag with bondage tape once, damn it was tight but it felt awesome. I think I'll look to sub-shop for the odd and end items but look elsewhere for regular ball-gags. They just say "special material" instead of rubber or silicone. And from the three gags I've gotten from them, they're rubber.
Oh my god I see this one all the time. It's my absolute favorite. The panties pulled just far down enough to show everything. The embarrassed, slightly fighting against arousal look. being discovered such an imminent promise, absolute humiliation assured. Beautiful. Shy girl. pretty pink skin, pert and perfect nipples. So amazing....
>pegging that does not diminish the recipient's masculinity pretty much does not exist
Why bother living?
(image included so as not to be a total waste of thread's time)
I just don't want to be degraded for taking part in a natural pleasure.
>pegging that does not diminish the recipient's masculinity pretty much does not exist
do you mean porn, or real life?
porn it's pretty hard to find, but I stumbled upon some decent stuff recently.
real life. Also pretty rare, but it exists. the problem is it's connected often with femdom (though it doesn't have to be) which is also often connected with diminishing masculinity (though this again does not have to be).
Actually I witness a really awesome femdom/malesub scene at shibaricon that was super masculine. The guy (who was really buff btw) was holding a girl in the classic 'crossing the threshold' carry, while the domme hit him really hard. He had to bear through it and keep standing.
I dunno man, stereotypical femdom is just not my bag in general. I'm not into boots, whips, leather, and corsets. I'm just a major softie.
Then again, I say that and then I find stuff like this to be arousing on levels I'm not quite certain I want to think too heavily about.
Sexual ambivalence is a terrible emotion. Try to stay away from it.
I'm confident such a venture is possible, if you didn't know not everyone gets off on humiliation. (Actually a lot of people don't.)
the stereotype is just that. a stereotype.
There is an element of truth, but there is a lot of variety in there.
now if your not into domination/submission, pain, bondage, and just like anal play, this might not be the right thread of you. There is nothing wrong with that, but well... you don't go to the best Chinese place in town and try and order a steak.
The thing is that quite a few Dommes I know aren't really into it either, but a lot of male subs seem to expect it, Don't give up! It might not be that hard to find somebody who is delighted to dominate you while barefoot and wearing a knitted jumper....
Yes we do. That would be an awesome skill to take up.
Also in other great news, our new crop should be coming in this weekend but lucky Mistress gets to test it out first, >,< I wanted to try it out on her but now looks like I get it. I think you guys have turned me into a masochist.
>Go to a pet store to buy a leash
>qt? cashier asks me what kind of dog I have
This has happened to me before. I just tell them "I don't", then let the silence hang. They look so cute when they blush and fumble to put the leash in a bag.
>a lot of male subs seem to expect it
I don't get that as a male sub. IMO a dom/me asserts their position best when they're dressed normally and act like a (relatively) normal person. I really dislike the stereotypical male sub/domme fetish wear, and I absolutely loathe the ice queen bitch "worship me I'm a goddess" domme persona. I've always been under the impression it's just porn and the sex industry that perpetuate that perspective of BDSM though. Then again, I don't know many other male subs.
Well, if you're actually submissive, then no, it doesn't make much sense. However, a lot of 'subs' online are actually just bottoms or fetishists and they want something to wank over, not an actual power exchange situation. So they go with what looks good/ what they know from porn. It's like say... foot fetishes. Your foot dilettante might only want to see clean, small, dainty feets, because that's what looks nice. However, a lot of more 'hardcore' foot fetishists might be really devoted to feets and want to see them dirty, sweaty, calloused, smooth, toenail polish, no polish, the whole shebang.
I differ slightly in that I appreciate dressing up. Not that I think dommes have to dress up to dominate, it's a matter of personality and desire, but I get wanting to dress up to make a night special.
Porn, well porns a performance. I like a bit of pageantry in my performances, but I understand it's performance.
>open up /d/ catalogue
>"oh sweet femdom non-futa thread, may find some nice stuff and decent discussion"
>start reading the posts
>get down to that one anon misunderstanding the idea of domination (you'll know it when you see it)
>start reading other posts in relation to it
Sometimes I feel like /bdsmg/ is just isolated from the shitposting going on around us.
When my domme had taken me shopping for panties and tights, she told me I had to check out and if the cashier asked I was to tell her they were for me. Thankfully no one has ever asked. Still, I could have probably done it with either a straight face or tried to feign being humiliated and shy about the whole thing.
Sometimes a scene or play gets a domme in the headspace to do a "worship me I'm a goddess" kind of role. I know I have had talks with people who are just human beings and normal, caring dommes (never met the stereotyped bad domme, I count my blessings for that) but when they get in the middle of a scene and that headspace, they can make it so the guy has to work to please them.
Mmmm, feet... I mean what?
Apparently when I keep mentioning to girls at dungeon parties that I am into feet they absolutely love it and act like I'm the first guy in a thousand that is into them. Also talked with few guys in munches who never understood feet. Is it just where I live or what? Seems to be just something I've noticed.
Aye Aye Cap'n!
Um... lets see though, what has happened recently that is really story-worthy....
Well for a short one I guess, I learned today that tickling Mistress because I don't want her to fall asleep is a terrible idea. Sometimes you see the mischief and you just can't help yourself, especially in kitten mode you know! ... That ended with me gagged and her tickling me till I thought I would die!
Otherwise, there is not a whole lot we can do lately due to our living arrangement, but that will be changing on the 27th, and by early July we should have our own place all to ourselves again! ... Unless something terrible happens, in which case it will be towards the end of August. But that is looking less likely with each passing day. Then I will have many more stories to share, because Mistress will be able to do... many more things with me!
In the mean time, most of my stories are hypno related, which due to our relationship is almost all still BDSM related as well, but it's a little... I dunno, stranger to share that stuff in the thread. Not that I particularly mind, I just don't really know if people wanna hear about that stuff! Haha.
Ah, I thought you guys were talking about something in this thread.
Yeah, I see the one you're talking about. Although I wouldn't say he misunderstands the idea of domination but rather seems to have a very warped, jaded view of BDSM relationships.
Which basically means he misunderstands the entire concept and it appears that all of his BDSM knowledge comes from pro-dommes and porn.
And also those kind of girls that constantly use guys and then don't reciprocate.
What I read it as was "All female dommes just use pathetic guys who want sex, and then just ignore them and treat them like crap" when I have at least seen enough in the lifestyle to know that isn't entirely true.
Yes, those people exist, they exist just as much as the do-me subs and the "BIG DICK MCDOMMY DOMS"
But usually those people get put in their place real quick.
I can't say this enough, but my time in the community (thankfully the organization where I live manages to keep itself drama free) has been, outside of a few isolated incidents, very open, kind, and understanding of every walk of life without looking down on people for their choices or ways they go about things.
Well, just sent a long 3000+ word message to my... well, whatever you call an ex-domme at this point explaining how these past 3 weeks have been for me, because I was asked to by one of the older people in the community.
I think I'm gonna need a hug... and possibly some bourbon. But mostly that hug
Well, I'm quite new to this whole stuff (although I'm a little old - 28 - I spent most of my life in a vanilla relationship that crumbled to dust at the end of last year), and I haven't even got to my first much, so I really don't know what to expect...
I'd really like to find a woman to dominate me, but, as others said, I'm not at all into the whole hurting/humiliating stuff. I just want a caring and protective mistress, who's confident enough to show me what she likes and make me do it for her.
I'm not opposed to clothing, binds or a little bit of roleplay, but I just can't get off with that spanking/demeaning/ice queen treatment/whatever that they show in porn...
It's what I'm looking for impossible to find?
Also, just to join the choir, I also like feet, but in >>5492060 words, I'm just a dilettante. I like cute, soft, feminine feet, and I wouldn't get off it dirty, sweaty, smelly, etc...
I'll finish by posting a image from the femdom thread, because I just found it absolutely awesome (and also because it turns out I don't have a BDSM folder...)
So I went to my first munch last night, and I got to say I had an amazing time
I've never spoke about anything like it to anyone without being fairly cautious about what I said, so to be so open about it felt amazing
It was great!
Well, it was just a meetup for conversation, but I talked to other subs/slaves about the idea of being a sub, told them my concerns and insecurities relating to it, talked to another guy with almost no experience as well, who's really fucking confused about whether he enjoys being a sub or dom more (which is why we're there I guess), played kinky bingo, laughed way too hard at someone's story of his wife surprising him with "alternative" clothing, which were almost torn from being too small, but it was mostly just fun being there with people I were never sure existed in real life
Anyone have experience with straitjackets?
I'm wondering about experimenting with Complete Restraint Straitjacket & Leg Binder Set, which is kinda hard to find. Sub-shop has one but I dunno if I would get a PVC or leatherette one when I ordered since there isnt an option. Other than that I occasionally find it for sale but I'm paranoid about those sites.
You can find combinations of things that DO contradict tooo!
Liiike, what's a subby domme? :3
my rule has no exceptions
switches aren't real
they're put in the ground by satan to test our faith
>topping from the bottom
I hate that term. It has a condescending tone to it. It's been unnecessarily painted to look like a bad thing, although it's actually beneficial to many beginners, because the inexperienced sub needs some way to express his/hers needs, limits and wants. You could call it a matter of safety even. And don't preach to me about safewords, to some people even those are "topping from the bottom".
Can we get a general consensus as to what "topping from the bottom" actually means? I've heard it used as an insult and in neutral terms.
I've heard it being used as a term where a sub will be controlling a dom and expecting them to do exactly what they want while still subbing. Not to say that this is bad, but generally speaking most doms would rather be doing their own thing than bending over for their sub. This is usually where it's used in a negative light.
This shouldn't be confused with "Oh my god, I don't want you to put something in my ass, what the fuck are you doing." or "Stop, I don't want to use knives in our play at all." which is just basic communication, anyone who says "Stop topping from the bottom." in a case like this is a fucking nut.
It seems a bit widely applied, then...
it is. it's become a thing to scream as "you're wrong and i'm right because buzzword instead of communication" a bad top will accuse a sub of it if there's anything that isn't going right. but there's bad subs/bottoms who do it overmuch as well, so there's a legitimate USE for the phrase. but in the end it all comes down to negotiation beforehand so both people know what to expect and if they're actually getting into a dynamic of what they want to be in.
as an example of it being a good thing: plenty of times we've had subs with the 'how do i teach my bf/gf to top?' question all through the life of the threads, and the answer's always about communication, about encouraging them to hit harder, tie tighter, etc. that's, to some degree, topping from the bottom, but not in a bad way.
The way I've heard it it's where the sub directs everything like its a movie. "Do this then that then this while saying this and doing that, then do this other thing and come back in 40 minutes and do...". I don't think these types are too common though since I feel like most subs want the dom to be in charge of the scene and don't want to have to provide too many ideas. At least I'm this way when I sub along with a girl I once topped. But there definitely are people who have a very specific fantasy they want to live out.
That said, the term does get misused a lot by "doms" who think that having too many limits or calling safe word too often is "topping from the bottom".
>tfw no qt.14 online butt buddy to roleplay fantasies with.
>tfw forever alone in my bondage/latex adventure.
Took a moment to think of my current and most recent favorite fantasy:
Friends (7 or 8+ I guess) are over for the weekend and since we're all /d/eviants it has been agreed that the person who loses this game of Poker (or other fun high-stakes game) will have to be everyone's latex slave for the weekend.
I lose, naturally, and so I'm outfitted with:
-An extremely tight, constricting inflatable straitjacket
-A posture collar with a ring and leash on the front, to hold my head still
-A plug gag (for silence sometimes and 'easy access' other times)
-Knee or thigh-high ballet boots (Love ballet boots, they make walking extremely hard and really uncomfortable, forget running)
-Small spreader bar or ankle cuffs (optional)
I can't move my arms, I can't move my head or close my mouth, I can barely walk and even then it's a painful chore yet I'm constantly being pulled around by the leash to suit everyone's needs. I'm used for everyone's pleasure and entertainment whenever I'm needed and when I'm not needed I'm chained by the leash in the closet with a vibrator and buttplug until someone else has use for me.
For the rest of the weekend I am this helpless latex sex slave, a toy for everyone to play with.
I really like fantasies where I'm degraded into a toy or pet, especially with latex and bondage. What d'you think?
>pic related, bitchsuits are bestsuits.
>be long-time lurker and male sub
>attending first munch in a few days
>be socially awkward and uncomfortable in large groups of people
>have no idea what to expect
>nonvirgin, but have little dating/sex experience
>couldn't care less about discussing my personal fetishes face-to-face with strangers, just want to eventually find a girlfriend I can have a mutually nurturing, loving relationship and compatible sex life with
>that'll never happen if I don't at least put myself out there and try to meet people
>tfw hear that male subs are looked down upon/not valued in the kink community for having a bad reputation and being a dime a dozen compared to dommes
>tfw hear horror stories about bad dommes that humiliate, abuse, and exploit their subs for personal gain similar to that jaded guy's rant in the earlier femdom thread (>>5485060)
This reminds me a lot of the fear, tension, and excitement I had going into the military. Any protips or advice would be appreciated.
>and don't want to have to provide too many ideas
see, this i think is a worryisome perspective. the sub should be providing ideas. outside of play, even in 24/7 TPE relationships, discussing ideas and desires should be a thing. but the question of who's in charge, well... that i'll suggest things i want to try doesn't change that my Owner's in charge of whether we do them or not, and when.
ignore the people in that femdom thread, for one. ignore the idea that malesubs are a dime a dozen. male -bottoms that don't actually want to sub- are a dime a dozen. male subs who view dommes as people and want to actually form relationships rather than just demand orgasms are evidently rare and precious, to go by the experiences of dommes that has been reported over the past year.
introduce yourself as a person, make friends, see the people at the munch as people, not as 'who of these people is going to be willing to fuck me?' straight off the bat. join in conversations.
>introduce yourself as a person, make friends, see the people at the munch as people, not as 'who of these people is going to be willing to fuck me?' straight off the bat. join in conversations.
Great advice. You're not all that likely to find a partner at that munch, so relax, get to know people, build a network - and at some point, over the course of several munches/meetings/parties, you will start to meet people who could make suitable partners.
To meet Dommes, it's worth seeing if there are specific femdom events where you are. Where I am there's a regular femdom high tea afternoon where they're always open to male subs to serve the food etc. The thing is to NOT expect/hope for play, nobody's going to whip out a strapon and bend you over the table, to but to see it as an opportunity to meet and socialise with people who are into the same thing and who you might hit it off with.
From the sidelines (I'm a female sub) where I see male subs trip up a lot is that they're often so eager to go and jump in and do all that hot stuff they've fantasised about, that they forget that most women - be they Domme or sub - still want to feel a personal connection before there's play/sexual things. So if a sub comes in with an arm full of fantasies and and hopes and expectations and (figuratively) kneels at her feet, she might feel objectified because he doesn't even know her yet.
So get to know people as people first, only talk about kink in general terms until she brings the conversation to specifics/more explicit terms, and try to tamp down the impatience for things to 'go somewhere'. Most dommes will want to feel like you see them before you see the fetish potential. And even if it never goes anywhere, if she likes you anyway she might well introduce you to a friend who is a better match.
I don't have any porn for you /bdsmg/ but I am a big fan of pet-play with the master/pet stuff. But one thing that really annoys me about it is that most of the dominat people into that just can't be happy with one person, and it is just getting annoying finding a nice guy, who I really like, only to find out like a week later he has suddenly picked up two other people like me. I didn't fucking want this just so I could compete with two others just for your dick.
Rant over I just really needed to say that
Don't know if anyone will remember me but I was one here a few months ago after getting thrown out of a munch for being a submissive male. Yeah really that's it I told a girl that came up to talk to me and after that a good number of people confronted me and told me I needed to leave and I wasn't allowed back.
I've finally mostly recovered from that blow to my confidence and I found another munch to go to tonight. Any tips to not get thrown out of this one? I have done my research on the group and they say its open to everyone of any orientation but the last group said that to so I'm not holding my breath on that part.
Don't let a guy who admits himself that he has NO experience in the scene try and tell you what dommes are like in real life. He knows about as much about real life femdom as I do about car engines. As Kite said, if you're a guy who actually wants to submit and serve, not just bottom (badly and without commitment), then the only obstacles you have to overcome are the same one as in the vanilla world- be interesting, be attractive (in your own way) and be approachable.
Yep. That is the big issue, 'I want a domme' is 'yeah okay and I want a motorbike and a house on the beach, so what.' 'I want to serve *you*' is what dominant women want to hear. Nobody wants to be the generic fetish stand-in and dominant women get treated like that a lot. There are some guys in my local scenes who I know only have time for me socially because I'm a dominant women and they know I might play with them sometime. It's pretty depressing but at least they're nice to me I guess.
The guys who want a harem of submissive women are generally internet jerkoffs with microdicks as opposed to actual poly people, so uh... learn to filter those out? Are you meeting men in person or over the internet?
Could you greentext your experience at the last one for us? I vaguely remember it but a reminder would be good so we can give you good advice. Iirc you didn't actually do anything weird/wrong at all, but my memory isn't the best.
PM the moderators of the group beforehand, make sure they're aware that you're new and want to get involved, because they will be on-side. i remember your story, and i'm reasonably convinced that what she said to others that lead to you being kicked out was NOT just 'he's a male sub', unless the people telling you to leave and not come back were also saying 'we don't welcome male subs here'.
but also, if there's a main conglomeration of people? be there, in the thick of hte munch, not out on the fringes. yeah, it can be scary, at my last munch i ended up sandwiched between several different people and constantly trying to scrunch up smaller so as to not be touched. but! but but but! if there IS someone who wants to be primadonna bitchy, regardless of who or why, they can't have a private conversation with you and then misrepresent it to others and cause you trouble, if all your conversations are public.
monogamous petplay is definitely a thing. don't give up hope!
Hex, remind me your opinions on findom, it appears I have someone interested, but findom appears to be something fairly important for them.
>ignore the people in that femdom thread, for one. ignore the idea that malesubs are a dime a dozen. male -bottoms that don't actually want to sub- are a dime a dozen. male subs who view dommes as people and want to actually form relationships rather than just demand orgasms are evidently rare and precious, to go by the experiences of dommes that has been reported over the past year.
Sorry if I sound like an idiot but what is the major difference between a bottom and a sub exactly?
They are leading with findom? Idk man, I'm not Hex but I would call that a red flag. Findom is the kind of thing you only do with someone you trust implicitly.
I'd also call that a red flag, but in the end it's the same as any kind of play. If you don't like it and they need it, it's a conflict of interests off the bat, and should be treated just like anything else.
Findom was inherently a red flag in my book till I met a sub who was /really/ into it. The guy was kinda creepy about it to be honest, but the point that some subs just... enjoy that was hammered in. So, I don't consider it to be a red flag by itself anymore.
But, if that is something they require and you are not willing or able to give it... it should be treated like someone needing some other sort of play that you are not able to provide.
Bottoming is about undergoing, without any implications of power exchange. If you like the sensation of being hit, you can bottom without ever being submissive.
Submission is about the power exchange.
The male subs vs male bottoms thing rings true with what I see - female dominants meet a lot of guys who /say/ they're submissive, and maybe they /think/ they are, but what they really want is the experience they fantasised about provided in the way they want by the person they want it from.
That's why if you're really a sub looking for a female dominant to connect with, talking about your fantasies/kinks should wait until she brings it up. Then make sure you spend at least half the time asking about what she is into.
If you bring it up before she's interested in knowing it about you, chances are good she'll think 'Great, another dude who is only thinking about what I can do for him'. (And if you bail on the conversation the moment it's established you're not compatible, she will definitely think that - and that's not a good impression to leave in a community and will cut you off from any chance of 'Hey you should meet X, I think you might like each other)
I have a younger friend (Somewhere around 16) who's confided in me that he's really into all this stuff but being underage he doesn't know what to do with all the passion, emotions and hormones that come with it all.
He doesn't know how to apply his interests in the subject further than lurking bondage threads and fantasizing about it.
What's some advice I can give him? He seems fairly certain he's into this, he can't do anything about it since he's underage and since nobody else he knows is into it he feels all alone in the small world of normal vanilla human beings that he's grown up in.
He can't do anything, but he can't just ignore his interests. So what does he do?
I don't know what the limit on these threads are so going on the assumption No. 201 is going to die soon, I'll be posting this on No. 202 where the attention will be freshest.
He buys himself a flogger online and practices.
He buys himself a dildo (if he's into that sort of thing) and practices
He reads more into the subject, esp Screw The Roses Give Me Thorns
He finds an of-age gf to show him the ropes.
Also, tell the friend that he shouldn't be posting here, as he's underage.
I'm not the central domme authority yo. And I don't really have any opinion on findom at all. I don't get off on it but others do. Do it if you want to, don't do it if you don't want to. If you mean that she seems skeevy, though, I'd have to see what she's said to make any kind of judgement call.
Find another teenager who's into it, worked for me when I was underageb&. I was doing just fine with pursuing my interests without hardly being aware of the 'scene' right up until last October.
No, it's just a fetish, treat it as any other. Someone aggressively approaching you to extract their fetish out of you at all costs is dodgy for ANYTHING, but people seem to only pick up on it for findom when women are doing it. If it's what she likes and she's not trying to browbeat you into it, I don't see how it's any different to anything else. Maybe it's a red flag if findom is a hard limit to you, but that's common sense really.
>and at some point, over the course of several munches/meetings/parties, you will start to meet people who could make suitable partners.
Not necessarily. If you live outside of a decently sized city the communities can be pretty small and limited. In my area, for example, there's only a single munch that meets once every month, and it's mostly older married couples coming from as far as several counties over. I chalk it up to statistics and demographics; outside of cities people tend to either be very young (ie children) or old enough to have settled down. I still go every month because I like the socialization, but I don't have any expectations of meeting someone.
Interestingly though, even in my area there's a surprisingly large number of dominant women. In fact, I'd say the number of submissive men is actually lower than the number of dominant women here. Maybe my area is just really weird, but my limited experience makes me think that the idea that male subs are a dime a dozen and dommes are rarer than gold is bullshit. Both are definitely much rarer than male doms and fem subs, but the male/female ratio still seems to be preserved.
>Where I am there's a regular femdom high tea afternoon where they're always open to male subs to serve the food etc
I avoid those events for that reason. I just want to meet people and talk. I don't have any desire to do anything subby for anyone unless I have a strong emotional connection with them, and when someone without that connection expects me to sub for them in any way it leaves a pretty bad taste in my mouth.
I can't decide if that's an indication I'm not a "real sub", a guy with an ego problem, or a normal reaction.
On a related note, I find it annoying that a lot of people seem to only hang out with you when they're expecting a play session. The people I meet at my munch are folks I'd like to hang out with, but not necessarily do anything with, at least not until I know them a LOT better.
mostly what >>5493648 said, yeah. and no, you don't sound like an idiot. big part of the point of /bdsmg/ is to BE a safe place to ask questions. Because we were all new to this when we started, nobody is born knowing loads about BDSM (though some of us started learning WAY too early, ha ha.)
in the end, labels are useful, but don't get overwhelmingly caught up in them, because they will mean different things to different people.
while for legal reasons i cannot advocate "i am totally 18, yo" and taking part in ERP boards, i know i'm not the only one here who did that.
>I can't decide if that's an indication I'm not a "real sub", a guy with an ego problem, or a normal reaction.
depending on perspective, it can be all of the above. but most likely just a normal reaction. i wouldn't go any further 'serving' at a public event than i would volunteering for a normal convention. Now, a -private- event where i intimately know the vast majority of those present, and all present are well known within at most one stage of concatenation? different story entirely.
Well, there are ways to toy around with financial control without putting your bank account at risk. People tend to assume that is all findom can be because there are way too many "Dommes" on the internet pushing that viewpoint.
It is possible to have a softer kind of findom whereby the dominant gains *control* of the money but not the money itself. Some examples:
>Dom and Sub go out to dinner, only the Dom is allowed to carry money.
>Sub must defer all purchase decisions to the Dom
>Sub is "whored out" to play with a consenting third party, who gives them a dollar to bring back to their Dominant.
I'm not sure if it's really comparable to what most of us think of when we hear "findom", but it might be worth discussing with your partner and it can be quite fun.
Of course, this is assuming that your prospective partner isn't just trying to milk you for cash. Given recent trends, one has to be well aware of that possibility. Just sayin'
>I can't decide if that's an indication I'm not a "real sub", a guy with an ego problem, or a normal reaction.
Entirely a normal reaction. I know that if someone I don't even know tries to order me around, I'll give them a healthy dose of shut the fuck up. With my girlfriend though, I'm happy to oblige.
TL;DR: You're good, brah.
Yup, this isn't seeming a particularly good idea. I could just say that I don't feel comfortable doing findom of any sort, and if she can't handle that, that's fine but I don't want a relationship. Look at me, judging someone before I've exchanged more than a thousand words with them.
>Dom and Sub go out to dinner, only the Dom is allowed to carry money.
>Sub must defer all purchase decisions to the Dom
This is the sort of findom I could see myself doing, but still only in a very serious relationship. I've also heard of married couples doing a form of findom where the dom/me gets full control of the couple's bank account and credit cards which I think is also a reasonable way to do the fetish (hell, until relatively recently that was the social norm in America and still is for a lot of people). Still comes with its risks though (in the event of divorce you're fucking screwed if you don't have a credit history) and I personally wouldn't do it unless I know my partner is more fiscally responsible than I am.
But IMO the "give me your money" or "give me expensive gifts all the time" form of it is exploitation. I get that some guys truly are into that, but that doesn't mean anything. Some guys are also truly into amputation, castration, and other very harmful activities. Doesn't mean the people who are happy to oblige them are good folks.
Findom confuses me. It doesn't seem particularly sexy, anyways. It seems more like another way couples might manage finances if one is particularly bad with not wasting money.
Everyone has their things that get them off. If they can enjoy it and do it responsibly and in a non-abusive way, more power to them I guess, even if I kinda just shrug and raise an eyebrow a little.
So all this talk about topping from the bottom, and male subs only seeing women as fetish-fulfilling automatons forces me to ask from you femdoms, what are your lists of demands? What qualities, listed in detail, make an acceptable male sub? Help me to understand the female dominant mindset better. In your own words, tell me about your individual preferences is terms of male submissives. What could I do to qualify?
My understanding of it is that the appeal comes from being made actually dependent on the dominant partner. If you don't have any money you can't really do anything.
Think about how when you were a kid all your money came from your parents and how that affected you. To get an allowance you probably had to do chores and if you misbehaved then you didn't get anything. And if you wanted something that you had no hope of saving up allowance for you pretty much had to beg your parents for it, and if they said no, that was that.
Juuust saying here, but that will vary wildly from person to person.
As a basis, and I'll note that I'm not a girl but this is kinda just a general thing, things are more fun with someone who is active and wants to do things. I don't mean to be an ass here, but there are a lot of "subs" that aren't actually subs at all and just want to be lazy and make someone else do everything. That is NOT to say that most people are or that there aren't people that aren't like that, but that's a pretty big problem it seems. Active and generally willing to do things, fun to play with and have around.
Isn't what what skype is for? This is bdsm. It can get done over the internet/in a LDR type style sure, but I don't quite think it's what Skype was made for. And I'd hesitate to call it cybering like that a bit, though it can go into that and it can be rather fun.
Not a woman or dom for that matter, but...
>topping from the bottom
Don't try to direct a scene after it starts, and realize that safe words should be used when a scene NEEDS to stop, not when you want it to. Please note that that doesn't mean you should never call out a safe word, just that you don't want to be one of those people that calls one out every time they start getting even a little uncomfortable.
>male subs only seeing women as fetish-fulfilling automatons
View them as people and interact with them as such. One good rule is not to bring up the topic of BDSM or anything like that until she does (kind of like how in vanilla dating you don't talk about fucking a girl on the first date). Another good one is to not throw yourself at her feet from the get-go and talk about how much you want to serve her and worthless you are and how great she is and etc. Again, not much different from the vanilla world.
Basically, be interested in her, not what fetishes she can indulge for you. BDSM relationships are still relationships, ie they're still primarily (mostly) about love and support. No one wants to be in a relationship with a person who only values them for sex appeal (unless that person is rich, in which case they want to be in that relationship because it comes with a Lexus and a G6).
What are you referring to when you say "active" and "wants to do things"? Because those two things seem to take on different meanings in each sentence in that paragraph.
Active submission. Someone that doesn't need to be ordered and forced to do every single little thing. Someone that will learn and pay attention and actually try to please.
As to wants to do things, basically the same to some degree. Someone that legitimately wants to sub and isn't just doing it because they want to be lazy. Someone that will /enjoy/ doing it. Both Dom and sub should be happy, and if one side really isn't actually into it, it gets lopsided.
>safewords shouldn't be used when you want the scene to stop
Uuuh, isn't that kinda exactly when they should be used? When you're actually legitimately wanting to stop and cool off because there's something up?
Like I said, need vs want. What you described would be "need". Granted I'm probably not putting this into words as well as it could be done. It's a delicate subject, because the last thing you want is someone to not call out a safe word when they should, but at the same time there is a such thing as being too loose with them, although I think that for most people this isn't an issue.
The "something's up" is another way to put it. There should be a good reason whenever you use a safe word. Like "my wrists are starting to go numb" or "that's one of my limits" or "that was way too hard" or "I don't think this is safe" or "that just brought up some really bad memories" etc.
it's one of those weird nitpicky ones that's why a lot of people have several 'tiers' of safewords. but it's like 'calling an all stop every time something is the tiniest bit out of whack' (ie: the sheets got knotted up and it hurts so instead of just asking for them to be straightened out to remove the knot of spine-destruction +5, no, fixing that isn't enough, sex = over, frustration = very yes) versus "this has gone somewhere unexpected that is doing very bad things" (for which my biggest personal example was that during an objectification scene, radio came on with an abusive ex's favourite song and i started having flashbacks instead of sub-high. and while i did safeword, once we talked it out, got me calmed down and rehydrated, we went for round two)
safewords are about -safety-. not about power. that's i think the big line.
http://www.findamunch.com is probably your best bet.
>there are a lot of "subs" that aren't actually subs at all and just want to be lazy and make someone else do everything
Oh God, this. It's not just male subs, either. It's all over the board.
In my book, you use your safe word when something is terribly, horribly wrong. It means that I overlooked something very important. And frankly, I hope my bitch never has to use hers.
Worth reading. Heheheh.
"No safewords" is kind of a huge warning sign for me; I too like tiered safewords.
I find that more than a few subs /very/ frequently seek dom approval before big monetary decisions, or ask for permission to get treats for themselves, particularly in LDRs. Even without prompting, and it never being said they have to, some people just enjoy asking for permission or having the decision being out of their hands.
Leading with that smells a bit iffy, if you ask me.
>I avoid those events for that reason. I just want to meet people and talk. I don't have any desire to do anything subby for anyone unless I have a strong emotional connection with them, and when someone without that connection expects me to sub for them in any way it leaves a pretty bad taste in my mouth.
If you want to 'serve' at the femdom thing here you can decide how you fill that in - I know a guy who just treats it as an afternoon doing a waiter-type job with interesting people. And another one who goes and offers the occasional foot massage. It's a social event, not a play event.
It doesn't have to be your thing - not everybody is into service and that doesn't mean you're not a sub. But if you're a male sub struggling to meet dommes I think it's a good way to go about meeting some. It's a situation already in the context of what kind of dynamic everybody is interested in, and doing it also establishes that you are not part of the male sub/bottom crowd who expects everything to be about their own wishes/fantasies.
The only findom I'm familiar with is a sub occasionally going shopping with the dom and paying, and there's a discussion beforehand about the level (from 'Really indulgent bath products' to 'Pair of awesome shoes' or whatever).
Since that seems to be about spoiling, maybe there are things that could (partially) fulfill the same kink. Like the sub bringing lovely bath products and taking a whole evening bathing the dom/massaging/reading to them/bringing them wine etc.
I just don't get findom in its current/popular state. Why aren't there more sugar mamas? That's way hotter to me than demanding tribute and all that kind of shite. Different strokes I guess, I just find it weird because there's so much sugar daddy type stuff in maledom and nothing like that at all in femdom.
Have long hair and be skinny, lel.
But more realistically, be devoted, loyal, genuinely submissive, and not an idiot. It's just everything I would look for in a vanilla boyfriend, except that he also has to want to serve me and bottom to me and stuff. I didn't really have to tweak my 'searching method' much when I decided to give up on vanilla relationships, I actually met my current boyfriend the same way as my last serious relationship started, on /soc/. It really confused me how people try to treat D/s as something wayyyy different from vanilla relationships from the getgo when a lot of the differences shouldn't really come out until you trust each other enough for a power exchange to take place. I think a lot of people try to use D/s as a shortcut because they're too lazy to jump through all the hoops to get in a vanilla relationship, but the hoops are still damn there in my case, and for a lot of others too. I'm not even sure if this post makes sense, I'm hungover.
YES, this. I mean sure I can order someone around, I'm good at it, but I love it when service is offered rather than me having to ask for it. A lot of the time if it's something that I feel is 'too much work' and wouldn't be fair, I won't even accept the offer (like Lost Sub offering to clean my filthy disgusting kitchen), but I'll still appreciate that it was made.
I would actually agree with this. A safeword is 'this needs to stop immediately' and someone safewording without any prior warning that this are getting a bit too much for them will make me wary about playing with them again (cont)
Because it's a scary experience for me if I think everything is going fine, there's been no indication that something's wrong, and then suddenly safeword. Obviously there are some exceptions, like if rope slips in a suspension and it becomes dangerous, or blood is suddenly drawn without consent, etc, but in general it's better to tell me BEFORE things get to safewording point that things aren't going your way. Because I want my bottoms to enjoy the scene too, if I just wanted to hit someone who wasn't gonna enjoy it I'd just go out and mug people, it'd be waaaayyy less hassle. So that's one side of it, safewording should be the last resort, not the only method of communication. Also I've had people safeword when they just don't feel like playing anymore and that's a fucking dick move, don't make your top have a heart attack thinking they fucked something up when you just don't feel like playing any more.
In fact, she seems nice enough. I mean, she's clever and quite witty and has a taste in books that is neither too plebian nor too difficult for me. (That is, she is neither a "Twilight is the best book evar!" sort nor a "Finnegan's Wake is high-school-tier" sort of person) I believe that she is the sort of domme who likes receiving nice presents from her sub, rather than the I Am Taking Control Of Your Money sort of domme.
In short, there's a real possiblity that I may do stuff with her, except for the fact that she lives 800 miles away from where I will be living. Fuck, transport in America is so expensive. $200+ for a train ticket! Christ.
>I find that more than a few subs /very/ frequently seek dom approval before big monetary decisions, or ask for permission to get treats for themselves, particularly in LDRs. Even without prompting, and it never being said they have to, some people just enjoy asking for permission or having the decision being out of their hands.
This is how it is for us. I ask Mistress for things when I want them. Whether it's silly frozen treats from the store, or an article of clothing or... whatever it is. Sometimes she says no, and to be honest I think I like that just as much as hearing yes. It gives me freedom to ask for the things that I want, and makes me content when I don't get them because I know Mistress is being responsible and making decisions for my own good.
When I am feeling really subby I even ask her very nicely to order for me at restaurants and so on.
In the end, I have an income but she is the only one that carries money. I wouldn't even really call it findom, it's just how our roles settled naturally. We've never really even talked about it.
Aww, thanks <3
I certainly enjoy it a lot! I love the way things are.
>except for the fact that she lives 800 miles away from where I will be living
Ehhhhh, I wouldn't be sending shit to a person I haven't met IRL, but that's just me.
>Fuck, transport in America is so expensive. $200+ for a train ticket!
I just had to spend upwards of $4000 on transportation for med school interviews last year. What I found was that planes were the best deal by far; in many cases they're cheaper than trains. If you absolutely must have the cheapest transportation possible though, Greyhound is what you want. Dirt cheap, but you pay for it out the ass in the form of a road trip that takes 3x longer than it should.
Aww /pol/, are you developing a soft spot for us? You don't want to see the filthy degenerate transshit utterly destroyed?
Thank you for your concern! But, I am happy with things as they are. We are married, and have been together for quite some time. I trust her implicitly. Honestly, if something ever happened between me and Mistress the money would be the least of my worries. I don't think I could live without her, but I've lived without money before.
Course not, I generally prefer to have a history of 100 sykpe hours before meeting somone IRL.
Yeah. I'm really not sure what I'd do. Maybe I'll see if a friend is driving to where she lives for a weekend, say.
I never knew you were married, congratulations!
Your containment board exists for a reason, honey.
Says who? As long as you're with a nice and loving domme who just so happens to like fucking boys like yourself in the arse and also decides to listen to you request not to be humiliated whilst being pegged...that's fine.
>caring about being masculine
Oh, yes we are! We will probably have another ceremony a few years down the line though, this one was kind of cursory. At least it's on the 'sometime in the future' list of things to do. Still, we have our first anniversary coming up next month <3.
That's so great! I'm so happy for you two. How is moving out/in/finding bearings going?
Chloe in the morning (okay afternoon, I slept in) is my preferred wake up.
I'd be jealous but your just too damn cute.
Speaking as a sub, it's kind of something I need to be expressly invited to say? It ties in with my fear of failure/disappointment. I find myself trying to endure something because I am trying to please the other person and then suddenly it's too much. So I need him to tell me he wants to hear it if something is too much/not working/whatever, and then when I do use that signal, I need to feel that he is happy that I did. (Any sighing/irritation/'already?' or that kind of thing makes it 100x harder to signal next time).
It's complicated sometimes because in the thick of it I don't always remember there IS a safeword and that I can say it. With the sadist/top I play with sometimes we have established that there is a 'yellow' (pause, discuss, adjust) and a 'red' (stop, aftercare) and also that if I start to plead or do shocky breathing, that means I am at the top of what I can handle and it's time to ease off.
Wait, do you have a prenup saying all the money goes to her or something cause that is messed up. You shouldn't have to "live without money" if you get divorced.
Still a little early for that. Got about 20 more days until our flight out. I swear, when you are waiting on something you want time moves slower. In this case I am waiting on a bunch of things I want, so it has caused a temporal vortex where time does not move at all.
Thank you! I am very glad I can cause a good morning.
Oh goodness no! I was replying to the person who said I should watch out for my money... I thought they meant because Mistress has so much control over it I should be careful that I don't get myself into a bad situation.
No we don't have any sort of anything like that. Don't worry! That would be... well, messed up, like you said.
Nono, when we got married Mistress was somewhat contemplating whether we should get a prenup, in order to protect me since I do have the income I do. It was... super heartwarming that she was thinking of protecting me even against herself in the future <3. Just in case! But, I really doubt I will ever have to worry about something like that.
They're prolly doing libertarian/tax collector roleplay when we're not looking.
M8, I'm perfectly well off, it's just that when I'm in college I somehow doubt I'll have the disposable income to simply go, okie, sure, I'm off to Chicago for the weekend. Also, I don't think we've ever spoken before, it's a pleasure to meet you. How's your arse going? (And no, that isn't a turn of phrase, I am indeed interested in its elasticity for your sake.)
Okay, opinionated people: Any ideas for what to do if you're eager to do whatever your dom/domme wants you to, but they are sorta less dominant than you when it comes to most things, and you don't know how to bring stuff up without getting frustrated and defensive about things you've gotten a lot of shit for in the past (having a really high sex-drive and becoming too focused on your partner doesn't work well even if you're just trying to please them in every way - they get annoyed after a while with sex being so frequent, even though I love cuddles and other forms of non-sexual intimacy)...
You can't force someone to dom you. You can't convince someone to do something they don't want to do. Well, you can, easily, but it's not very nice. Find yourself a proper dom/me.
But if that isn't possible, when you're fucking him/her, ask if he/she can tie you up that evening. Or suggest something new or the like...
Do they actually identify as dominant? If they do and they're just floundering a bit, get them to read Uniquely Rika, it's good for that kind of thing. Femdom based, but could well be applicable for dominant men too. If they don't actually identify as dominant, don't waste your time and theirs trying to make them be something they're not.
Also, if you want to bring up ideas without it being seen as undermining their dominance, you just have to go about it in the right way. Offering service is rarely going to go amiss, and I struggle to think of any sadist who wouldn't be happy if you came up to them on your knees with their favourite hitty thing in your mouth and puppy eyes.
I've already asked for physical stuff on repeat occasions (and had them delivered). I was hoping to figure out how to ask for the mental bits too without getting weird about it. Because I don't have any elaborate fantasies, which is what my SO really likes in subs. Have them detail fantasies and then do all of the parts that isn't way too much work. I've never genuinely subbed for anyone before, and my way of play-communicating with subs-friends is usually a lot more my own initiative, so it's a bit confusing for me to experience this other domming style because I would know how to talk with a dom like me but not with one that is less investigative/experimental than me. I'm not used to having to do most of the work on the initiative phase, I'm used to it being more 50-50.
They majorly identify as dominant, and sadist. But especially the latter is pretty weak compared to what I had hoped for. Thank you so very much for the reading suggestion. And I'm really shit at initiating things in a subby way, so I'm grateful for all ideas and suggestions there too.
>. I'm not used to having to do most of the work on the initiative phase, I'm used to it being more 50-50.
As in the sub friends are usually even if shy they hint at things so that I can draw the rest out of them. I don't have to guess in the dark and make them admit to things out of the blue, which my first gf was like and that really didn't work at all. I don't like giving myself rape vibes, which was what she got off on. Rape play i'll happily do, but it has to be properly discussed in advance but for that ex-gf that sort of thing "ruins it".
Then get yourself some fantasies, son. Go to every thread on /d/ and find specific stuff that turns you on and is possible. Oh wait.
If your SO is a girl, I'd suggest foot worship is a good place to start, if your SO is a boy, I'd suggest anal. Unless you don't like anal. When then I'd suggest feet again. Foot fetishism is simple, run of the mill and easy to do.
What do you mean by 'the mental bits?' I would also recommend The New Topping/Bottoming Book for some ideas of new things you might like and want to ask for. Reading is always a good idea and a great way to pick up new fantasies and ideas, my most powerful 'dom trigger' can be sourced back to a vampire novel I read when I was 16, haha.
Lack of specifics is my problem. I naturally gravitate towards my SO's feet and legs if we're watching something, but for me that's just normal cuddling. And they think feet are sorta gross so anything more wouldn't be welcome, and to my frustration oral while they think is comfortable, isn't something that they're into, and they care about as little about anal.
More books, awesome. Thanks! I'm really shit at being submissively alluring, never learned any of it growing up (body issues make it worse, being in control was the only way I felt I could behave sexy and still be taken seriously) and I badly need to improve that.
Oh, by mental bits I meant head games. Power difference and so on. As in for instance not just flogging because it's a chore to do, but because they're yours to inflict pain on and more.
>I find that more than a few subs /very/ frequently seek dom approval before big monetary decisions, or ask for permission to get treats for themselves
true, i do that, though i never thought of it as findom, largely because my Owner never -asked- for that authority, i just know i have poor impulse control (admittedly, it's possible to overcorrect, and reach the point where you have a shrink writing you an official prescription that says 'go buy yourself something for no other reason than that you want it, and stop being an idiot.')
i really really hope that i've got my stuff sorted out enough by that point that my Owner and i can come! (but definitely don't delay it for that reason, can always get someone to set up a webcam for us and come by telepresence!)
Oh my god that would make me sooooo happy. Well, don't you worry, it's still a fair few years out. We'll never be the people who spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding, but we'd like it to be nice, of course. That's just not going to happen as poor college aged kids haha. But one day <3.
Also, I am told I should post more stories, so! Most heartwarming part of my day:
Mistress told me to get her a cup of ice, which is a pretty common thing for me to do for her. I jokingly responded, "Alright, but I ask for payment in the form of love!"
... Suddenly I was laying on my back and she was holding me down by the neck. Holding, not choking. Then she said, "You'll do it because I told you to. You belong to me. I love you because you are mine, not as payment for anything."
I managed to squeak out a surprised "Yes, Mistress." and then I was off to get her ice when she released me.
It was just a silly joke, really! ... But I love things like this. <3 While I am at it, I have one more, but probably not enough room in this post.
See, most of the time when she comes in the room, I greet her with a sort of... extend hands up in her direction sort of pose. Because she will grab them, or sometimes push me down and pin them to the ground, or so on. In the end, I just like physical contact! ... and maybe a little the getting pinned.
Well, earlier today she had been laughing at me for still making a surprised noise when she pushes me down. Even though it's so common. So, the next time she came in the room, she walked over like she was going to, then turned and went the other way. .... Somehow I found myself asking her to come back and do things. She asked me what I wanted her to do, while looming over me. So, I managed to get out the words "You know... pin me down and do mean things to me..." To which she loomed a second longer then just said "No." and went back to her chair.
... It was super mean.
So, a tiny bit later, I was whining about that... Or rather I was laying face down on the floor with one of her ankles firmly in my grasp being like "That was mean that was mean that was mean!"
When I kinda got what was coming to me. She made it so I couldn't move a muscle, then spanked me with a shoe. ... I am not sure why a shoe when we have a bunch of paddles and other things just sorta sitting there, but still, I was content <3. Even though the only words of thanks I could get out were "Mmf, mmmff." since not being able to move. Haha.