Favorite Simpsons quotes

>Really? The northern lights?
>In this hemisphere?
>AT THIS TIME OF DAY??
>LOCALIZED ENTIRELY IN YOUR KITCHEN?!!?

>>79701632
...Yes.

are there any good simpsons streams?

>SEYMOUR! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
>No, Mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

>>79702180
doesn't seem like it

>Damn scots! They ruined Scotland!

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>Project Arturus wouldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're in the East Coast, Hank Scorpio.
>.....
>AW, THE DENVER BRONCOS?!

>>79701728
May I see it?

>>79701567
Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers

>That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake!

>>79702562
no?....

>>79702734
Is this the absolute perfect Simpsons ep? Every single line is pure gold.

>Curse those handsome devils!
>Not in my mouth!! ...is what that kid would say
>But I thought I was the only one!
>Is this what it's like.. when doves cry?
>Spring forth, burly protector, and save me!
>Stupid like a FOX!
>Shake harder, boy!
>A part of us all! A part of us all! A part of us all! ..Hey, that does work.

>>79702905
>Homer! Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!

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I'm seeing double here! Four Krustys!

>"Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
>What's that extra B for?
>That's a typo.

>>79702905
>What's normal to him, amazes us!
>He will be our new god!

>why don't you try and solve the mystery of who put the mud in the freezer?

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>>79703218
>Who wants chocolate icecream?

>Oh, Lisa. You and your stories; "Bart is a vampire", "beer kills brain cells."
>Now let's go back to that ... building ... thingie... where our beds and TV ... is.

>>79702462
How ironic

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>It's a ring toss game

That whole episode man

All the children in Springfield are SOBs

900 Dollarydoos!!! TOBIAS!!!

SEE YOU IN HELL CANDYBOYS!!!

>Krusty Komedy Klassic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfXCd75tmJY

>>79702905
"EAT OUR SHORTS!"
"Yes, eat all of our shirts!"

>stealing is a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark

>>79703340
funny thing is that that episode aired in 96, and denver ended up winning back-to-back owls in 97-98

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HEY MO

>But Aquaman, you can't marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds!
>Oh I've wasted my life.

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Every single thing Lionel Hutz ever says, does, or imagines.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HODjrjb32fU

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>Forget about the badge. WHEN DO WE GET THE FREAKIN' GUNS?!
>Hey I told you. You don't get your gun until you at least tell me your name
>I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR..."RULES"

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>>79703746
>Mrs. Simpsons claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of delicious.. bourbon.. brownest of the brown liquors.. so tempting.. What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

>>79703341

>Well, there's no shame in bein' beaten by the best.
>But, he didn't seem...
>We were beaten by the best, boy.

>That was Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXtSI3QSPTk

also this song

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>>79702905
>a mighty cheer went up from the heroes of Shelbyville. They had banished the awful lemon tree forever, because it was haunted.

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>"I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt"

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>>79703869
>Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing?
> You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
>Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you . Something which may shock and discredit you. And that thing is as follows . I'm not wearing a tie at all.
this is the best simpsons joke right here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyUTK-Fu9j8

JIMINY JILIKERS

>>79703981
I'm so happy to see this much love for Lemon of Troy. I thought I was the only one.

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>>79704055
>Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I... uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
>Is that bad?
>Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
>You did?
>Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

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>>79704892
> Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!

>>79702905

rocky 7, Adrians Revenge!

>>79704892
That's a pretty dark joke.

>>79702905
>When it comes to catching trout, nothing beats the German light infantry!

>>79707466

Put a pinch of sage in your boots, and all day long a spicy scent is your reward.

>Lenny and Carl start fighting
Homer: Get 'im Carl! You too, Lenny!

>>79708590
From the same episode
Lenny: Did you hear something?
Carl: No
Lenny: Huh, did I?
Carl: I don't know

>>79708695
Lenny: Well, we made it here first. All thanks to teamwork
Carl: Yeah, my teamwork

>Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?

>So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
>Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
>No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me, get back, get back! M-Mr. Simpson NOOOOOO!
>DRAMATIZATION MAYNOTHAVEHAPPENED

BUENOS

It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

>Relax Simpson, I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
>...and goodbye, you're fired!
>But wait, maybe I'm being too hasty. After all, you are highly skilled...
>...at goofing off!
>Now, don't worry Homer, you're the kind of guy I could really dig...
>...a grave for!
>Your indolence is inefficacious...
>THAT MEANS YOU'RE TERRIBLE!

>Mr Burns, I think he's dead.
>Oh dear. Send a ham to his widow.
>Mmmm, ham.
>No, wait, he's alive!
>Oh good. Cancel the ham.
>D'oh!

>I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny.

>oh no its old man winter!

>It tastes like burning!
I use this one a lot

> Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
> Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
> Can't sleep, clown will eat me...

...anyone else find it kinda weird that this happened to Bart, yet he LIVES for anything involving Krusty, another clown?

>>79709407
Maybe he's commited his life to worship to keep the beast satisfied.

>>79709407
He was younger then

>If I don't save the wee turtles-- who will!?
>ACH! SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES!

>NO NOT A QUARTER, HE'LL BE DANCING FOR HOURS

>>79703746
Jesus Christ, Hartman was a treasure.

Also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2dmfnSarDI

>No, dig UP stupid!

>>79703746
>>79703869
Reminder that the man responsible for Phil Hartman's death has guest-starred on the Simpsons.

>>79709827
Didn't his wife kill him?

>>79709855
Andy Dick got Hartman's wife addicted to cocaine after being sober, then she killed him whilst on some.

Also Arty Ziff's VA beat the shit out of him for joking about it.

>>79709855
Yes, but Andy Dick got her back on coke.

>>79709891

Jon Lovitz deserves a medal for that.

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>Arrrh, my groin!

>>79702905

Last exit to Springfield is the best.

>>79709891
>Arty Ziff's VA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Fvsgv0bYw

>>79701567
Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see this barnyard noise guessing game is tearing us apart?
>...
>Say, Moe, was it a duck?

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>>79709891
>Also Arty Ziff's VA beat the shit out of him for joking about it.
This makes me happy. Good ol' Lovitz.

>>79709407
Homer says he built the bed because Bart loves Krusty.

Homer just made a terrifying clown.

>>79709789

In all seriousness if you got stuck in a deep hole with only a shovel on hand couldn't you dig diagonally to get out?

Bart Simpson: Full speed ahead. Dam the torpedos.

Abe: What did he say? Put on our tuxedos?

Jewish guy: I want some Taquitos.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSKEl6a-b_c

>"Clown College!?" You can't eat that"

Bart: Wow, he dances better than Jesus himself!

>>79711073
Uhh, miracle boy, I believe I had hair? OH here they are

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>>79711127
Look at Moe dance! Aloha Moe

>>79709214
>Oh no, Not Lenny!

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>>79711235
Marge: I'm just glad to hear our Lenny is doing alright

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Sexual powers

>"My league....my beautiful league."
>"Even monsters need air"

It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

Homer: I told you last night, no! Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner is getting all cold and eaten.

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>There's no such team as the Spungos

>I'm a big four-eyed lame-o. And I wear the same stupid sweater every day at...
THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!

"Is he killing that guitar, daddy?"
"Yes, son."

>>79711638
"Bury me at Makeout Creek"

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>>79711347
>>79711292
>>79711235
>>79710383
>>79709085
>>79704892
>>79703813
>>79703746
>>79702957
These and also
>Tour guide: These are your special VIP badges, they get you into places other tourists can't see!
>Homer: Miss, what does the 'I' stand for?
>Important
>Ooooh, how bout the V?
>Very
>Oooh, and miss, one more question..
>Person
>Aaah. What does the I stand for again?

Also there were three scenes in the same episode with only like three lines that were all great.
>SCENE ONE
>Lisa reads her anti-America speech while the crowd boos
>"Senator there's a problem at the essay contest!"
>"Please son I'm very busy."
>"A little girl is losing faith in democracy!"
>extremely shocked look
>SCENE TWO:
>congressman is instantly arrested
>others vote to expel him
>"Shouldn't we add an amendment to the bill to give all of us a pay raise."
>All Senators: "NO!"
>SCENE THREE:
>bill is being signed in by George Bush
>"This ought to make my bosses very happy!"
>"Bosses?!"
>"Yep. All 250 million of them!"

>Bart I don't mean to alarm you but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!
>AHHHHH!

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Burn that seat.

>>79710972
You'd probably get caved in.

>>79711811

Then why not dig around you and fill the hole up with dirt from the sides?

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>>79712039
That breaks the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

>"So without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say its time for our viewers to... crack each others heads open and feast on the goo inside?"

>"Yes I would Kent"

>>79704843
It was a perfect balance of a cartoon-like world that still felt grounded to real life situations, old Simpsons did that the best.

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Behold, the Spruce Moose. She was only flown once, at an altitude of 5 feet for a distance of 10 feet. Then we discovered that rain makes it catch fire. The Fuhrer fired me after that...

Hey, the bartender kind of looks like John Travolta.

Yeah, looks like.

My ding-a-ling, my diiiing a ling! I want you to play with my...

GET THIS FILTH OFF THE STAGE!

Yeah yeah, enough philosophy. When do I get to break ice with my head?

First you must fill your head with wisdom, then you can break ice with it. Now we...

Akira, my man.

Yes?

Can I go to the bathroom?

You can if you believe you can.

Quiet Riot has now become...Pious Riot!

Come on, feel the Lord. You'll get saved, saved, saved. Saved, saved, saved.

Pfft, all the best bands are affiliated with Satan.

Hey, we've sold out more state fairs than the Beatles!

Yeah, he's right.

How come you guys don't like hanging out with me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of death?

Well, yeah. But you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you.

It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.

It's rotten being a kid. No one listens to you.

I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to my ideas no matter how stupid! Mmmmm, gum and nuts...

>>79711050
The giant sack of "MSG" gets me every time.

I dunno, Doc. I had a bad experience with drugs once...

Quick, crotch the weed Homer.

Well, well, well. If it isn't the Doobie Brothers. Smell any drugs, Sgt. Scraps?

WAAAAUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

For me, the 60s ended that day in 1978.

>>79715520
We'll take the Spruce Moose. Hop in.

But, sir...

*gun cock*

I said. Hop. In.

>>79715732
>Feel the Lord
And hear I thought he was singing something like loathe or love.

You might remember me from "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".

>>79712582
it's even funnier knowing that a bunch of Vietnam vets got pissed about the joke, and Matt told them he didn't care because his older brother was a Vietnam vet and loved it.

>>79710972
Or you could scrape at the walls and slowly fill the hole in

>>79703387
>900 Dollarydoos!!! TOBIAS!!!

>"I'm gonna report this to me member of Parliament!"
>leans out the window and yells at a pig farmer
>"HEY! GUS! I GOT SOMETHING TO REPORT TO YA!"

>"That's a bloody outrage, that is! I'm taking this all the way to the Prime Minister!"
>they run to a lake, where a man is floating naked in an inner tube with a can of beer
>"HEY! MR. PRIME MINISTER! ...ANDY!!"