How can I be drunk and my breath not smell like alcohol

Mouthwash

If you need to ask this then its time to quit.

>>7361184
There's a certain point where you can't do anything about it. Start doing benzodiazepines, affects the same part of the brain.

>>7361182
Anal absorption

>>7361182
Smoke pot. That will make you smell exactly like pot and not alcohol.

>>7361184
But mouthwash has alcohol in it. Are you trying to get me drunk?

>>7361182
stop worrying about it and go ahead and put a shot of whiskey in your coffee

>>7361182
Stop breathing.

Don't drink and drive.

>>7361206
I don't. But being drunk in public at 10am is frowned on sometines

>>7361203
The ultimate laxative

>>7361219
unless that "public" is your place of work, who gives a shit?

The answer is nothing. You can rinse out the taste all you want, but if you're wasted, alcohol will seep through your skin pores and you will reek either way.

>>7361200
You will have nice fresh breath

>>7361182
literally vodca

The smell is coming from your lungs so there's really nothing you can do.

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>>7361649
That's not how you spell vodka... haheehaheehahee...

>>7361650
Balderdash!

Bi-lateral pneumonectomy.

>>7361192
hmm anal absorption is not such a bad idea.

but doesn't a breathalyzer test for BAC? so you are fucked anyways?

>>7361679
Please, please, please do an alcohol enema. I love reading those stories in the news.

>>7361682
why whats wrong with them? cant be any worse than just injecting it into your veins.

I mean fuck alcohol is a disinfectant so it will just clean your shit out, right?

>>7361679
yes you are fucked anyway

>>7361182

before cps took me away as a kid I remember my mom taking a shot or two of mouthwash and using too much hairspray before leaving to cover it up

>>7361723
>as a kid

Thank god it wasn't recently. Ya?

>>7361679
>soak a tampon in vodka
>insert in anus
>??????
>PROFIT!!!

smoke a fag
>not talking about the insulting term for gay people

morning drunk here.

you will smell like booze. I've stopped caring if people know. they should mind their own business

>>7361189
Do not become dependent on benzos. When you involuntarily withdraw it's hell on earth. Nothing compares to this. Use benzos sparingly and never mix with alcohol.

>>7362506
Alcohol withdrawal is the same way if you have a serious habit. They're withdrawals function basically the same way. Also, benzo's are kind of boring if you don't mix them with anything.

Incidentally, does anyone know good stuff to snack on/eat when drinking that DON'T have like a fuckton salt and fat in them?

manager at a fairly large company here. it is always very obvious who the alcoholics are with or without the smell of booze. lazy attempt to hide their boozing at work - the same water bottle for six months, profuse sweating, generally dishevelled appearance, and yes the smell of mouthwash. I personally order at least 3/4 people a year to either sort their shit out or get fired. they always come clean and usually keep their jobs.

vodka has no smell i know some dude who works in a office as a tech or some shit making 150k a year and drinks big ass bottles of vodka all day keeps like 5 big ass bottles in his trunk at all time

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it can be only one thing...

>>7361182
I wouldn't get sloppy at work, but I've probably spent more time buzzed than not. Gotta have that self control, a shot every 90 minutes and no sooner.

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vodka enema

>>7362506
But Doom 2 was called 'Hell on earth' and it was fucking amazing.

>>7362631
WHO IS THIS SEMEN DEMON

>>7362639
Cary Grant

>>7362646

Kerry Bendover

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you can't
vodka gives off an alcohol smell
if you're drunk at work you may pull it off a few times

fuck up and you've handed them the reason to fire you on the spot

I remember reading a long time ago that some type of boiled sweet covers the alcohol smell, think it was caraway, some type of c-word...

>>7362639
kari byron you plebs, penis is happy

>>7362506
Uhh what? I mix benzos and alcohol nearly every night and there are no adverse side effects other than slight hangover symptoms at times.

OP, for your breath not to smell like alcohol, eat tuna (or some other smelly fish), brush your teeth, and use mouthwash. The fish scent will linger more than alcohol will. Also, chew gum.

>>7362535
Neufchatel cheese and celery sticks, carrots and low-fat ranch dressing, healthy spinach and artichoke dip made with cannelli beans and neufchatel cheese, a Quest bar, cheese/mustard/crackers/grapes, frozen grapes, homemade Chinese with low sodium soy sauce, cottage cheese and pineapple.

Pretty much, there's a ton of stuff out there. Are you looking for something salty, savory, or sweet?

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>>7362701
>Also, chew gum.

another private joke among your co-workers who know you as "the boozer"

"oh he's juicing gum to keep his breath fresh (snicker, snicker)"

>>7362708
Joke's on you, I have no job!

A mouth full of mustard & a cup of black coffee.

Gin. If people notice any smell, just tell them it's cologne. Works every time my fellas.

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As was mentioned early in the thread, there is a point where you can't do anything about it. That point is crossed pretty quick, at least for me with liquor. I used to think no one could notice but it turns out my ex just didn't care. Now I have a wife who cares - who gets fucking mad, she hates it. I've given up with trying to get away with it every other day. Now the deal is I can only get drunk 2 days a week. Friday and Saturday. I've tried to get away with just as much as the boxed area in pic related. NOPE. 2 fucking hours later, after a big dinner we were sitting on the couch on a wednesday and she looks over "you're drinking today?!". Just fucking seeps out of my skin or some shit, I was even directing my breath in the opposite direction before that just in case. Well it was /case/ and I couldn't hide even that little top portion of a 375 ml bottle. God damn it.

>>7362876
Are you me?! Holy fuck. Same song and dance

>>7362876
I do it three days a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I miiight drink on the weekend but usually not.

>>7361182
People will know you are drunk anyways, so why bother trying to hide it.

>>7361182
Stick it up ur ass?

Holy god no absorbing alcohol through your anus wont make a fucking difference.

When the body gets rid of ethanol the vast majority of it is evaporated through the lungs. Thats why a breathalyzer is such a good indicator of you intoxication. Even if you put the alcohol up your ass eventually it will start evaporating through your lungs and bam, you smell like ethanol again.
Also DONT FUCKING DO BENZOS for recreation. What are you kids retarded middle schoolers?

>>7363429
To be fair, i commented in the form a question because I have never run into the problem where I need to cover up the fact that I am wasted, and was not sure if what I said was a good idea or not. Chill, family.

I kind of like the idea someone suggested in a previous thread of having a bottle of hand sanitizer on you, so if a boss or someone important comes up you can visibly use it so if they smell alcohol they'll subconsciously just think its the sanitizer. Of course, this won't work if you're drinking something like tequila or a dark alcohol, but would work fine for vodka

>>7361685
It's absorbed way faster than through the stomach, so its extremely easy to OD from alcohol poisoning

>>7362876
here's a tip. smoke weed. It'll through her for a fucking loop and you can blame your kids or the neighbor kids. That and it's surprisingly really easy to not reek of weed.

>>7361679
I knew a guy in germany that used to take a syringe and inject it into that little spot to the left or right of your nose inside the eyeball container.

>>7362707
Savory, mostly. Thanks a ton, I somehow forgot about the existence of cheese.

>>7363678
he would inject alcohol into his eyes?

jesus christ

none?
my body digests most of the alcohol i consume through my breathe so im stuck. maybe try and eat yeast before you start drinking?

>>7361182
In this thread
> people who hate their lives.
I am speaking from past experience and identification with every post

>>7365018
>In this thread
itt: a newfriend

Hi newfriend!

>>7362701
>Uhh what? I mix benzos and alcohol nearly every night and there are no adverse side effects other than slight hangover symptoms at times.

Muh anecdotal evidence. Keep doing that shit and you'll end up dying sooner or later.

>>7365018
And?

>>7363429
Yes it fucking will you dimwit, it will take a lot less vodka to get you drunk through the anus than it will through the mouth, therefore a lot less odour will be expelled.
And you also dont have the direct contact issues the mouth to deal with.

gin is decent

>>7366083
>will take a lot less vodka to get you drunk through the anus than it will through the mouth, therefore a lot less odour will be expelled.

That makes no sense at all.
How drunk you are is all about your blood alcohol concentration. The higher the concentration the more drunk you are. The reason why people can smell alcohol on someone's breath is not because the liquor was originally in the mouth, it's because some of the alcohol in the blood evaporates through the lungs.

The only difference between taking alcohol anally as opposed to orally is that it is absorbed faster through the rectum than it is after swallowing, but the BAC % would be unchanged and you could still smell it on someone's breath.

>>7365018

I'm a piece of shit and I hate myself and want to die. You're 100% right and I'm not going to change. I'm just going to let me parents pay for my PhD and probably die from liver failure or cancer when I'm 50.

This thread has very much scared me off from every drinking at work (or drinking before I go into work, rather)

>>7366091
Your asshole is more efficient at getting drunk, your anus is better than your mouth. Party girls do this vodka tampon trick and die from a regular amount because they get fucking alcohol poisoning. They could have drank it, but they wanted to get super fucked up

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Butt chug that shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZU2b6ODRYY

>>7361188
no, hes just getting started. It goes downhill from here.

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>>7363666
Honestly why doesnt everyone just smoke weed. Not to be THAT guy, but honestly its saved so many of my boozy friends from fucking their lifestyle.

I had a 4-week straight marathon of being drunk everyday once I turned 22. I eventually slowed down drinking, and just smoked a bowl after work instead. After about a week I stopped drinking completely, and switched over to smoking and having a hot relaxing bath.

I liked alcohol because I didnt feel anything when I was drunk. I liked the relaxation and feeling of carelesness. Once I startes smoking, I realized it was way better.

I eventually found it annoying to be drunk. You can play videogames high, you can cook, bike, run, shop, be social, or just sit down and chill. Booze made me clumsy as fuck and nobody liked my annoying drunk humor.

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>>7367610
Theres also the double-edged-sword where they smoke weed constantly and just play videogames all the time and never see the light of day.

>>7367610
>Honestly why doesnt everyone just smoke weed.
>Not to be THAT guy
too late

>>7367610
because weed sucks to me and my job requires random drug testing.

>>7361182

Charcoal tabs, chew and feel the fucked up worst taste ever, but drink on the job

Holland and barrret do the in the UK,

>>7368131

http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holland-barrett-charcoal-capsules-260mg-60003680?istCompanyId=8b7eb14d-bd9c-4f8a-aec2-4349bbabb5a0&istItemId=irririarr&istBid=tztx&gclid=CKDuv6uM8soCFdZAGwodmxALfQ

>>7367379
This does not contradict anything he said.

>>7362506
fuck off hater, quit trying to keep this from him.

Buttchug? Anybody say that yet? I can't be ARSED with searching. HUEHUEHUE

>>7361182
If I'm being quick, some kind of fruity sweet. A little pack of Mike & Ike's works. That, or hit up the closest food place and get something good in your stomach. A fatty burger or burrito should mask the smell.

>>7361182
Simple. Move out of your parent's house.

>>7361182
won't the smell come from your pores anyway?

Try Hennigan's Scotch. That’s right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan’s, and I don’t smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That’s Hennigan’s, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch.

Say you got a big job interview and you’re a little nervous. Well, throw back a couple of shots of Hennigan’s, and you’ll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it’s odorless, why, it’ll be our little secret.

My friend just texted me:

"Fancy a pint?"

"Only if you squirt it up my arsehole."

He hasn't texted back yet.

>>7368669
ty for the hearty chuckle

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>this whole thread

is that booze in a plastic bottle?

>>7367610

It's illegal in my state, I don't know anyone who I could buy from as I have no friends, and it's honestly not worth all the trouble.

If I could just waltz on down to the weed shop, I'd never drink again. It's truly the worst drug.

Quick question. I just bought a pint of rotgut for later tonight from a liqour store I've never been to, also bought a coke zero for now. The girl when I was checking out asked if I needed a cup or two of ice. Is this normal or even legal?

>>7362876
Yes, it does seep through your pores. You're marinating in it.

>>7368307
Beat me to it

>>7369309
I know you smell when your drunk but what about the day after?

>>7369339
According to sources, I smell all night and into the afternoon of the next day.

>>7362655
Carry Myseed

>>7369294
Do you live in the ghetto

>>7361227
Exactly
If you're drinking at 10am you likely doesn't give a shit about much of anything in life

>>7369357
>According to sources, I smell all night and into the afternoon of the next day.
Binge drinking. Acetic acid.