Good ole /ck/ cringe thread?
Starting with an old favorite.
the artwork and comedy style aside that's an ok, not particular great, chili recipe.
yes, everyone here can cobble something much nicer together but that '0guide' was made for no cooking skill, reddit fucks
What? New Vegas came out afterwards. Bethesda had demonstrated they hadn't the slightest idea how to make a Fallout game and got some experts to do the best they could with their shitty engine.
Plus once a game is made it can be played at any time thereafter. I could make a Fallout 3 screenshot today if I had the will to load that piece of shit up again.
I stated the screen shot made reddit atleast 3 y/o at the earliest, 5 y/o it was NV.
reddit was founded in 2005, fo3 came out in 08,NV 10. I should have put 'screenshot of a game' in my post but I think you should have been able to figure it out you fucking obsidian dick sucker
There are so many things wrong with the OP infographic but the one that really gets me is that he throws out the fucking McCormick prepackaged chili mix to replace with equally tasteless and dusty McCormick ingredients. Is this a joke?
Green beans and fucking corn nigga?
Not browning your beef in chilies garlic and onion?
Why use fucking garlic powder when you have fresh garlic on hand?
Tomato sauce? Flour? Fucking coconut oil? wut.
I'm sure those "few healthy pinches of brown sugar" really added some flavor to the two goddamn gallons of tomato soup he made.
At least he used cracked pepper. Jesus Christ.
>the one that really gets me is that he throws out the fucking McCormick prepackaged chili mix to replace with equally tasteless and dusty McCormick ingredients.
Same here, every time. Holy shit it gets to me. He doesn't even toast them, what the fuck.
>Is this a joke?
Unfortunately, no. He's got a bunch of these shitty recipes.
This shit is literally facebook tier now
Thanks reddit, and you wonder why we hate you
not him but lots of places will flash fry rolls, and, while a complete bastardization and insult to the very concept of sushi, its really fucking good.
pic related, my local place. left roll is the fried one
Flipipino style carbonara
>a complete bastardization and insult to the very concept of sushi
dear god, how pretentious and insufferable are you? Please enlighten us as to why, exactly, sushi "can't be fried" without being some kind of heretic crime against the genre?
you know what: fuck you and fuck your goddammed face. Sushi is simply a form of food, and ANYTHING that fits the form can be defined as sushi. I roll up refried beans, well done bits of steak, bananas, and ketchup in rice and wrap that in seaweed, guess what that's called: SUSHI.
now please kill yourself, Monica
I was there to see it. It was a hell of a coincidence too because it was the first time I came to /ck/ and the thread was just posted.
>finger under knife
>slamming top of knife with rolling pin
well, in tropics they are fresh and shell is softer, so they just cut the top off with a machete
otherwise, the 3 little dimples are weak and can be pierced relatively easily or just use drill
once you drain it you use hacksaw or a mallet/hammer/tenderizer
Pretend that the stem end and the point (where the 3 little dimples are) are the "poles". Using the back (blunt) side of a knife (or a hammer, or whatever else), tap around the "equator". You don't have to hit it hard. After several taps the coconut will naturally break in half along the "equator".
Also the sandwich is at least really cheap. I would have made that with my friends in undergrad. If it really feeds five (i'll say three), we could have a meal for a couple bucks a piece.
just pop it into the microwave for a few seconds and it'll be fine!
You guys are going to call me a pussy but whatever. A few years ago I bought Fallout 3 GotY edition on sale on steam. Played it for a while, then encountered the FUCKING GIANT ANTS THAT SPIT FIRE. Considering I have a horrible phobia for insects, it's been years since I've played that game.
Does New Vegas have giant insects? What about 4?
Dunno about New Vegas, but 4 does. Giant roaches, mosquitoes, flies, and these things called Mirelurks which are really more of a crustacean than an insect but they might trigger you if you hate insects.
New Vegas has giant roaches, scorpions, flies, mantes, ants and wasps. It's basically the same for FO4
While I can't imagine taking a bite of that myself, I assume there are people who can.
But even then only with sausages fresh from the butchery, onion rings home-made out of fresh ingredients, better cheese.... I mean the fuck, all the the ingredients are trash!
Thinking about it, remove all the sausage, add plain normal beef patties and add something fresh like cucumber slices or lettuce.
Then it might actually become a good sandwich.
Why yes, if it was a totally different sandwich it would be much better. You're like the people who find a recipe for ice water and say "well I substituted bread for water and turkey for ice then added some cheese lettuce and tomato and this recipe really didn't quench my thirst at all."
Well, re-reading my post, I have to say, you're right. It would just be a completely different sandwich.
Conclusion: I'd hate that first sandwich and eat it only on the brink of starvation.
i still can't believe how badly he fucked this up. i mean he'd clearly never experienced yorkies before, but if he'd done like 5 minutes of research he should've been able to tell that they're supposed to be completely different. let alone looked at pictures
>I want to slit my wrists when I read about your amerifat sushi burrito
well why haven't you then? It's not like anyone loves you, cares about you, or even know you exist outside of this board. Just fucking take a bath with a plugged-in toaster already.
If the spiral is what you're referring to that'd be Debian not Gentoo.
btw, burritos are also a form. If I put gruyere, strawberries, fermented cabbage, 3 whole star anise, and bacon in a flour tortilla and roll that up, guess what it is: a fucking burrito.
Gets me every goddamned time.
I mean, in theory sure. But surely such a gastronomical horror would summon forth...ah, fuck it. You're right in that shit stuffed in a tortilla can be called a burrito. That's about it.
Fresh tomatoes don't grow all year. Canned tomatoes taste better than "fresh" tomatoes in the supermarket on off-season. What is your aversion to canned goods?
I use low sodium canned beans because I just moved to a high altitude and even if you soak the beans it takes over 4-5 hours for them to become tender without a pressure cooker [which I don't have].
I sautee the onions, garlic, and chilis by themselves. I then remove them from the pan and add the ground beef. Then when the beef is browned I toss the spices/vegetables back in for a couple of minutes. I always find a few onions or random pieces of garlic won't cook evenly when I cook everything together from raw. Some garlic gets too burned, some chilis not cooked enough, etc.
Sugar is often added to soups and dishes containing tomatoes to balance acidity. Brown sugar works better with a beef brother than granulated.
All the other stuff I agree with, but some of it is just your opinion.
I thought it was shitty, but semi-normal amateur sushi. That was, until the bacon was whipped out.
I've had americanized sushi with non-native ingredients, but at least they made sense. [Beef tataki roll. Has grilled rare sirloin, steamed asparagus, steamed carrots, and horseradish cream cheese]. That's the most American maki I've ever had, but it was pretty good because the flavors made sense.
r8 my last "shit thrown together" """"chili""""
>chorizo sausage, out of casing, browned
>added diced onion to saute in sausage grease
>separate pan, dry roast jalapeno, bell pepper, and garlic cloves, dice
>to sausage and onion, add can of diced tomato, can of black beans
>add diced vegetables
>paprika, cumin, sriracha, hoisin sauce, soy sauce
>simmer for some time
idk it didn't taste bad and I had no plan. pretty cheap, got like 5 meals out of it.
the most Canadianized? sushi roll I've seen was the "Alberta Roll" where it was some slices of (cooked, not even tataki) albertan beef stuffed in a maki roll. kinda weird.
Is she first time in the kitchen or what.
did you ever consider to use that phobia and this games in your advantage? I mean, you could play on easy mode so you could kill them fast with no hassles and then as soon as you get used to it, you increase the difficulty level.
"The man at the store said this would be the cheese you wanted. This is the one you wanted right?"
>60 of 70 calories are fat
>people think this is healthy because it doesn't have gluten or GMO
>me, in Starbucks
>wanted to know what the hype over "frappuccinos" was all about
>hi, can I have a frappuccino
>"vanilla or coffee?"
>both? (I thought it was vanilla flavoured coffee anyway)
>sipping tasteless white ice
>its the blandest vanilla milkshake I've ever consumed
what even is a frappuccino
Dont talk shit about jello cake you fucking wastrel.
>reads top to bottom instead of left to right
all that effort and you use FUCKING HOT DOGS AND AMERICAN CHEESE
sharing with u guys a doner ;)
If you put some shredded lettuce, 2 slices of tomato and a sauce made of mixed mayo, ketchup and relish on top...you could sell that in most fast food joints for $20. There's about 4 servings there at $5 a pop
I work with a guy who eats these every day
he doesn't know how I eat my lunch which is usually rice and veggies made the night before.
Tells me it's disgusting and he can only eat hot food hot
He's sat eating pasta covered in flavour dust
>and when your mom is done carving the me you would suck up all the juices
First time I read this, I thought it was just your standard /ck/ "do literally everything wrong and pass it off as a master recipe" satire. Then I looked up the video.
Don't worry, my chili consists of throwing onions in a pan with oil, then the cheapest meat that i have on hand, browned and then tomatoes and whatever veg i have on hand, put whatever spice that smells good in, throw in """""""beans""""""" 30 minutes before i want to eat and bam.
Chili is supposed to be made with whatever you have at the time, people that need a recipe for chili need to learn to improvise.
that's just 'something'. its NOT chili. chili is a very specific regional dish which consists solely of ground or finely chopped chuck, and peppers with spices. onion and garlic are debatable and not generally considered 'authentic' but are good anyways.
you don't get to just fucking combine things and give it a name thats already taken.
Tell that to all the people out there who don't follow your specific instructions every time they cook "Chili"
You know what, just for you ill start putting "chili" in quotes so i don't trigger your 'tism..
first of all, i didn't give instructions.
i stated a definition.
and its not MY definition, its about 300 years of mesoamerican tradition that has become part of southern americana, and even long before that the dish was quite simple: chop meat and boil with peppers.
your glib whim to call " stew including beef and tomatoes" chili doesn't make it chili. you described making "stew" or "goulash". its just a mystery pot. there is nothing wrong with it. but you can't call it spaghetti, or french onion soup, or hamburgers, or chili. because its not. and these nouns refer to specific categories of food objects.
sorry, bub, you're just wrong, and so is every 70 IQ housewife and slobby bob joe that makes up some hog slop food combination in their dirty kitchen to eat while watching some insulting trash on TV.
'I CAN CALL THINGS WHATEVER I WANT'
are you by any chance a tranny? or ponykin?
>>hurr being correct is autism, autism is when you call things by their proper name, if you're being wrong you're not autistic
Jesus christ, calm down, i've never dabbled in things like goulash, i didn't know, now i can call it goulash. I just called it chili because it was the closest thing i could think of.
Also are you seriosuly this mad about some stranger mis-naming something on the internet? Who gives a shit in the first place what i call it.
Why the fuck did you bring ponykin and tranny's into this, are you projecting? I was talking about what i call a "Chili" and you went full autist mode.
You know what, i retract my statement, fuck you, go look up chili on google and go yell at the millions of people who don't cook it in that direct way. I'll call my chili what i want to. It still has the base ingredients that a chili should be made up of.
>>the fact that other people are wrong with me means that i'm right
>>if it has beef in it it is chili
and you say i'm triggered...
"i don't give a fuck dude i'm gonna call it chili IM GONNA CALL IT CHILI I"M GONNA FUCKING CALL IT CHILI"
so you're going to call it chili. so what? i'm going to call you a faggot. being right is important. did you ever stop and consider that maybe success in life is about trying to do, think, and say, the right thing? and that everything you say and do and think is a self portrait? and that if you can't even apply the smallest effort to say the correct word when referring to an object, you're going to get shit in life, and be unhappy? did you stop and think that maybe i was trying to help you, and maybe people that aren't insecure faggots wouldn't break out in hives when told they're wrong, but would just thank the person informing them, and then alter their behavior? "it's just a cooking board on 4chan lol, i can be ignorant here". no. this is your fucking life. your willingness to be wrong so long as other people are wrong with you is alarmingly wicked and cowardly, or at least it would be if it wasn't as common as dirt. like you. fucking kill yourself and save someone else the trouble. "the beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name".
Jesus, do you really think everyone is anal about correctly naming everything like you, you could serve my dish to literally anyone, and tell them it's my chili and they would say "nice chili". Not "Ohhh but that's not actually a chili, i'm a faggot and that's actually a -whaaawhaa booohooo. And what bullshit is this about "success in life", if you're implying that because i call my chili "chili", that i'm not going to succeed in life, you might be a little retarded. Success isn't based on getting everything right, success is getting things wrong and learning from your mistakes, but that wouldn't apply here, since chili has and can be adjusted to fit personal taste within reason. When i order chili at a restaurant, i expect something with some sort of meat, a tomato sauce and beans with vegetables, just like any other sane, rational human being. Just because you insist on chili only being "muh authentic chuck and peppers" Doesn't mean that anyone else does. Do you also think that anything besides a hamburger patty made with a specific grind of meat and specific buns isn't a hamburger anymore? Is a hamburger with pickles still a hamburger? What about lettuce? Does that make it a "meat patty with lettuce and pickles sandwiched between two pieces of bread". Just because chili technically means what you said, most people would still call what i make a chili. So why don't we just "chill" out about this whole "chili" deal.
>>do you really think everyone is anal about correctly naming everything like you
no. again, you seem to think you have safety in numbers. but the truth is the truth and it will either destroy you or set you free.
society is going to burn, there is going to be anarchy, and i am going to fucking kill leftist scum like you.
Man someone's projecting hard today, since i am now convinced this is just you shitposting and being incredibly anal over something so minuscule as misusing the word chili, i'm going to bed. Goodnight chili guy, don't let the "leftist propaganda" goys bite.
you don't use the word projecting right, either.
projecting is when you yourself are something, and accuse others of being it. a person can't 'project' being a lefitst. they are or they aren't. again, you are wrong and stupid. political ideologies can't be 'projected' like 'untrustworthiness' can be.
"miniscule"? nothing is miniscule. everything matters. if you fuck up in small matters you'll fuck up in big matters.
I love this board. Never change, /ck/
Besides the guy talking like a retard, I have issues with the recipe itself. Maybe I'm wrong but:
> chili powder
Isn't it already a mix ?
> onion and garlic powder
Why ? Also why so little onion compare to the meat but 4 cloves of garlic ?
> Everything in cans
> Putting corn right off the bat
Isn't it like 10 minutes before it's down max ?
> Using chopped meat and not diced
My main issue, I've always heard diced is better if you have good meat, just take longer to steer.
> Coconut oil
Why nobody here already killed that guy ?
Because white wine doesn't exist anymore ?
> brown sugar and more sugar
why so diabetus ?
> floor in the mix
In case in diced mix, do you sometimes rub them in floor before sauté them ?
This voice... I can't even.
Did he voice the South Park episode where they caricature this tone?
Can he be more American than wanting all his food to be fat and spicy?
I think I cut myself on this video's edges.
>hear "savage as fuuuuck"
>turn it off immediately
Isn't it amazing how every doner kebab around the world comes in the same wrapper?
this is funny to me because just 2 days ago my girlfriend's grandmother sent us a king cake as well
here it is in all it's glory
>was made for 0 cooking skill
Then why does it leave out basics like how to brown meat and how to saute? Why does it leave so much possibility for error? It's nowhere near idiot proof, and nowhere near relevant to a competent cook. It's completely useless.
>captcha asking me to indentify seafood
You see, anon, the image never states how salt and vinegar specifically play into the coffee's brewing process, therefore the instructions are open to an absurd and comical amount of interpretation.
it's truly amazing how one man can be so stupid