Hey /ck/ I've been successfully eating healthy for years,

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Is your shit like pic related OP?

>>7312505
This smoothie will make you the king of shits. Constipation will no longer plague your life, take charge of your number two. Also it's damn filling.

>>7312496
I've been drinking this stuff for dinner for years now, it's seriously good.

>>7312496
So is this the only thing you drink and is it because you have constipation?

>>7313209
In general I have this and a handful of fritos (or any chip without msg) for dinner. There were no problems with constipation prior to this, but once you start drinking Colon Blow™ you really really wont have any problems anymore.

>>7312496
>V8 juice

do you mean gasoline?

>>7313294
Because it fuels the body, amirite?

>handful of kale
>whole banana
>handful of berries
>oats
>peanut butter
>milk
Wa la

>>7312496
>Colon Blow

wasn't this from an old SNL bit or something

OP are you me. I bought blender about a month ago and it has mae it so much easier to eat healthy I don't even. I eat so much more vegetables and fruit now I rarely snack and I don't even feel the need to eat junk food.

Eating high fiber stuff which fills you up is easy and I can eat a ton of it because smoothies, so i don't really feel hungry between meals. i buy a shitload more fresh produce for normal cooking and instead of throwing out extra or stale/wilted stuff like I would in the past I can just throw it all in a blender. Not normally the tastiest stuff, but it's better than throwing it out and is still super healthy.

Blenders are the fucking best.

Better be saving those skins from the apples

>>7312496
>>7313611
>be anon
>at home alone on friday night
>degenerate with no friends
>social skills don't come naturally to you
>at least you don't have lady problems
>ha
>sit on your computer chair for several minutes in silence
>you look to the clock, 9:25
>fuck 20 minutes since you last jerked off
>was it too soon to start again?
>depressed your mind wanders to your surroundings
>your stomach grumbles. when did you last eat?
>might as well grab something to tide you over
>until you fap again
>enter the kitchen, not much is here
>you decide to make a dish unique to your apartment
>colon blow™
>made from healthy vegetables and shit mixed in a blender
>you were no mcdonalds pleb, you may be autistic but at least you ate real food
>you gather the ingredients, a little of this some of that.
>toss in a banana for that potassium and lock and load the blender
>you aint got time to wait, you turn that shit up to high
>the engine screams as it churns at max speed
>you stare into the green spinning mass intently
>the constant rotating mass reminds you of a fleshlite you read about
>your stomach grumbles again
>you don't notice your dick getting harder
"fuck it, good enough!"
>you slam the STOP button and grab the handle of the blender
>you twist the container off and quickly you gulp down a heaping mouthful of the green stuff.
>real men don't use cups
>also you hate doing dishes
>starvation averted to intend to finish off your colon blow in front of the computer
>you're half way to your desk when you pause
>your dick throbs to full mast
>you look down to the tent in your jeans
>you were intending to masturbate after eating
>but what if you didn't have to wait at all?
>you slam back another mouthful of colon blow for confidence
Shit this is going to be good
>a man on a dick mission you scramble back to the kitchen
>you gaze left and right until your eyes settle upon the blender's base
>you lock the now half empty colon blow container onto the blender

>>7314285
>quickly you fumble with your jeans, removing your belt and dropping your drawers
>your dick kisses the dank apartment air
>you stare at your weapon
>a 4 inch dick with a little bit of cum crust from earlier today
>good enough
>carefully you manuver the blender off the table, holding it in one hand
>you choose the lowest setting, just enough to get the mass moving
>as expected the colon blow slowly starts to spin, forming a small cone like depression in the center
>just the width of your dick
>you throb at the though
>theres no turning back now
>slowly you move your dick into the blender
>carefully your dick inches closer and closer to the whirling mass
>you shiver a little as the vegetable matter just touches your dick
>the sticky material clings to your member, unwilling to let go
>you press onward
>two inches, now three. you hold to enjoy the sensation.
>all around your dick a sticky goo is massaging your every nerve
>you can't help but make little thrusts into the mass
>you throb hard, the vein on your dick expanding
>shit did you just pre?
>this goo was driving you wild
>but it isn't enough
>you increase the speed to medium
>the rotational forces instantly applify the pleasure on your dick
>you can't stop yourself from thrusting forward
>your dick glances off the spinning metal at the end
>shit you'd have to be careful
>but fuck you couldn't stop
>you thrust forward again bumping into the metal
>its cool smooth metallic touch a major contrast to the now warming up green goo
>your dick is pulsing on every thrust
>but you have to have more
>years of edging to pokemon porn has given you maximum stamina
>however this goo fuck was pushing you to your limits
>you can't wait any longer
>you slam the high button on the blender
>the fluid hurls around the blender at a speed you didn't think possible
>goo starts to ride up the container and fall to the floor
>you don't care about the mess
>every nerve on your dick is in overdrive

>>7314289
>without warning you jam your dick forward
>your head is resting directly against the spinning metal
>its rapid vibration quickly bringing you to your peak
>you can't hold on for much longer
>balls deep, the green goo nips at the edge of your nuts
>it's too much
>you force your dick in as deep as it can possibly go
>the spinning blade knicks your dick
>the prick sends an instant wave of pain through your nervous system
>overloaded in sensation you start to cum
>over and over you pulse into the blender
>each time you pulse your dickhead expands allowing the blade to hit it a bit more
>only adding to the intense pressure and release in your loins
>your white streaks are spinning around the container walls as the blender rotates
>in a final burst you thrust to the side of the container
>your dick gets caught in the spinning blades
>faster than you can react the blades pull your dick in
>over and over they slice your cum sensative dick into pieces
>the pleasure is now gone instead replaced by intense pain
>you lurch as you drop the blender to the ground
>the blender motor keeps spinning as it falls, sending goo and cum all over the floor and cabinets
>you grab your dick intent on holding the pieces together
>blood seeps through your fingers and onto the ground
>when a man cums most of the blood rushes to his dick
>you now had a huge gaping hole there
>you look for anything to help stop the bleeding, a towel or anything
>one hand applying pressure to your dick you hobble over to your towel draw
>the blood was still draining through your fingers
>you manage to open the drawer.
>its empty
>fuck. all your towels were in the laundry basket
>and you had intended to do the laundry this morning, but instead you fapped.
>you collapse halfway onto the counter top.
>you needed to reach the laundry basket on the other side of the apartment
>you were starting to get light headed

>>7314301
>the blood flow wasn't slowing down
>everything was getting fuzzy and you were starting to see black around the edges.
>your blood pressure was dropping too rapidly
>your dick softening was allowing even more life essence to flow out
>you fall to the floor naked ass in the air
>the blender is still on high rocking around on the kitchen floor
>everything is going black as you pass out and eventually die
>your corpse in its final moments convulses several times
>it constricts your anus pushing out a load of liquidy diarrea
>it wasn't called colon blow™ for nothing.

END

>>7313616
>not having a blender that will purée the skin smooth

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>>7314309

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309
What the fuck did I just read?

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314309
>>7314301
>>7314289
>>7314285

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314309

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

>>7313602
Yes.

omg yay guys i see we have a new ebin le meme in this thread!! one for the ages!! XDDD

pls be sure to add my post along with the rest of the ebin reactions to the new ebin meme when the screenshots are made!!! XDDD

>>7314623
Can do! Want a cookie while we wait for more reactions?!

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

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>>7314623
And then there's this cunt

>>7314309
You idiot you're supposed to use a clever one liner that rhymes to end the story for maximum meme potential. Think "tip with a rip".
Disappointed but still fun read I guess.

>>7314701
That wasnt funny or interesting in the slightest bit

You'd have to be really new to 4chan to go through all that text or find that disturbing

Tryhard bullshit baiting for le ebin reaction images, worked I guess

>>7312496
>eating your fruits and veggies in juice form
why do you hate produce anon?

>>7314710
was funny 2 me
>new
eatshit.jpg

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

>>7314710
nofunallowed.jpg

>>7314750
Except it wasn't funny at all

>>7314740
>>7314701
>>7314628
>>7314568
>>7314559
>>7314551
>>7314549
>>7314539
>>7314523
>>7314481
>>7314470
>>7314450
>>7314432
Nice samefag you autistic weirdo

>>7314782
>29 posters

>>7314795
>what are proxies

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> this thread

>>7312496
I got a nutrininja for Christmas and have been having a smoothie every day since
My shits just fall out of me and the amount is so much more now.
My farts also smell a lot more pungent

>>7314856
t-thanks for sharing

I loathe smoothies, I like to chew my food. I have the same problem as OP though because I eat lots of grains, fruit and veg. How do I deal with this?

>>7314881
Just embrace it. You're the envy of every ibs/constipated fag on the planet. Just being able to sit down and unload. Barely have to wipe as well.

>>7314904

No you don't get it. It's really soft sometimes.. Definitely need to wipe.

>>7314909
Are we talking super sticky or unwipeable sticky?

>>7314915

What do you mean sticky? It's not like gum or anything. It's just really soft, so some of it is left behind, unlike when they're solid and mostly just come out all at once.

>>7312496
u r retarded

>>7313224
>without MSG

why are people still falling for the MSG is bad meme?

>>7312496
Is that a nutribullet cup? If so, that is way above the max fill line you fucking daredevil.

that shake sounds nasty

>>7312496
Why are you adding juice to your juice? Wouldn't it be cheaper and healthier to use a couple of carrots and tomatoes, along with a bit of water so it doesn't end up too thick?

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>>7314285
>>7314289
>>7314301
>>7314309

I want to make smoothies but I'm afraid of the blender now, after an accident. Dumbest shit ever.

>>7314807
Thatd be next level austimo

>>7314875
Fucking kek

Is a vitamix worth it, or is there some cheaper alternative? I'm willing to buy it if it's really worth the investment