Next Sunday is the Royal Rumble and I'm going to either purchase frozen hot wings or wings from a pizza restaurant.
But what are the best wings I can purchase? I need something delicious, sweet, tangy... My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
Stop being a pussy ass little boy and fry your own wings with a sauce you made yourself. You are a MAN god damn it! You as a species are responsible for bringing a member of your species to THE FUCKING MOON, and you're telling me you want to reheat something another MAN has cooked for you? If that's the case go ahead, call the bull, retire your genitals and enjoy your wings with destroyed texture, pumped full of preservatives, and disgusting taste.
I have a recipe.
A god damn good recipe.
Can you handle making this recipe?
Its going to take some time and is slightly edgy, but will be worth it. You will be creaming your pants. This isn't just any recipe that when you eat it, the flavor is constant. With this recipe, every bite you take develops into a new flavor, and will take you on an emotional journey in which you will understand the human taste sensory more than ever before.
The only problem with the recipe is that while you're trying to watch some guy get slammed through six tables into an impending death, your vision will be haltered by not only the tears in your eyes, but also your cock, throbbing in sync to every MAN that has loved before us, cracking smiles one by one, knowing you just ate the beat wings that you will ever eat, and YOU, anon, YOU cooked them.
Burnt Scallion Wing sauce
1T neutral or peanut oil
Kosher salt to taste
1 cup of (C) sauce
1T soy sauce
1 cup cilantro leaves
1Cup smokes paprika
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
3T garlic powder
3T onion powder
3T ground pepper
1T chili powder
1 cup pork stock
5 cups apple cider vinegar
5T of (B) ingredients after all blended
1 1/2 cups ketchup
Juice of half a lemon
1//4 cup packed brown sugar
Add all of (C) to a saucepan, bring to simmer over high, then reduce to medium high and reduce by half, stir so no burning. Let cool. Toss your scallions in oil and grill on one side for 8 minutes or so or untill heavily charred. Let cool. Blend all of (A) together untill smooth. Fry or bake wings, toss in sauce.