>eat lots of broccoli every day for several months >my

Only cowboys and faggots brag about how many times they don't have to wipe.

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a spoonful or two of olive oil with your meals

A bit off topic, but does anyone else not actually look at the paper after they wipe and just go by feel? I feel gay looking at a man's shit smeared on a piece of paper.

>>7276579
Hey fuck you, man! My quality of life significally increased when I no longer used half the toilet roll to make my shitty ass somewhat presentable.

>>7276588

You feel the poop paper afterwards?

Spinach?

I eat it almost every day with either carrots or pumkin and I poop two or three times a day and they always get a clean exit. So I'm'guessing that spinach is doing the trick.

Plus oats for brekky. Try oats.

>>7276590
>make my shitty ass somewhat presentable.

w..ww...wwhere do you make these presentations?

>>7276588
How insecure do you have to be regarding your own sexuality to regard looking at your own shit as gay? Come out of the closet bro.

>>7276588
>I feel gay looking at a man's shit smeared on a piece of paper.

lmao

>>7276601
>finally going to get laid
>take off underwear
>shit streak down the middle of them like my ass went offroading earlier
Also I can imagine a poorly wiped bungus can get somewhat unsavoury after a whole day.

Bananas are cheap and good for smooth happy bathroom time.

>>7276588
Maybe if you were peeping over the stall divider at the next guy, but it's really not gay if you're looking at your own shit. You made it, own it.

>>7276588

Goddamnit /ck/ I'm sick as a dog and when I laugh I cough. Reading shit like this is killing me.

>>7276588
>go by feel
D...do you touch the paper with your bare finger to check if it sticks?

>>7276618
Just use your hand and some water to wash your ass
Problem solved!

>>7276638
>take massive dump at Arby's
>waddle over to sink, pants around ankles
>sit ass on edge of sink
>break sink off wall from 150 pound man sitting on it
>wipe gross feces off with bare hand and tap water
>no soap in dispenser to wash hands after
How the fuck am I going to finish my sandwich, ya dingus?
This isn't europe where bidets are common.

>>7276668
>taking a shit in public restrooms

>>7276668
Spit on the folded toilet paper. Wipe front to back then do some extra dabbing at the top of your crack. Problem solved. Also trim your goddamn ass hair. Use your beard trimmer.

>>7276668
You actually leave your sandwich half eaten to go take a shit and you come back to finish it?
Kek

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>>7276668

Maybe you shouldn't be sitting on sinks, and instead carry a collapsible ass washing cup like a normal person.

>>7276691
>not taking shits exclusively at work
It's like you're getting paid to take a shit.
The TP in my apartment is for guests only.

>>7276705
>holding your shit in all night so you can take a huge dump at work in the morning

>>7276695
oh god he uses his beard trimmer

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>>7276716
>shits at any other time of day except before noon

>>7276668
>not holding your bum up to the glory hole and letting the fag in the next cubicle tongue your anus clean
it's not gay if you close your eyes

>>7276722
I used to use my sister's leg razor to shave my butthole, because it had some kraut space magic to protect against cuts.

>>7276725
>rush to work so you can take a shit
>get stuck in rush hour
>End up shitting in your pants

metamucil (or another brand of fiber supplement). all the benefits that you're used to but you don't actually have to alter you diet drastically, just drink a glass of the stuff (very low calorie in the sugar-free versions) 1-2 times a day.

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>>7276749
>not doing kegel exercises to achieve glorious tone of pelvic muscles

>>7276588
You should
You should also check your shit once in a while
Your shit can tell you if you need to see a doctor

>>7276588
>I feel gay looking at a man's shit smeared on a piece of paper.
Insecure much?

>>7276668
>>7276691
>>7276695
>>7276697
>>7276702
>>7276727

Fuck guys I am laughing so hard, I needed that, thanks.

>>7276695
That... that's actually pretty good advice for certain wiping emergencies...

Thanks anon.

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>>7276722
yo I use my fusion pro glide for my face and ass and everything else. Had it for years but it's too weak now to deal with my hair forests.

I'm in the market for a beard/body trimmer so any suggestions?

>>7276782
Burn it off with quick bursts of flame from a lighter. 99¢ bic lighter is the cost.

>>7276791
I have way too much hair for that. I would probably set myself on fire. And burning hair smells awful

>>7276697
Yes.
How am I supposed to enjoy my meal when I'm touching cloth.

>>7276574
>What other foods can I eat to obtain the same effect broccoli had on my bowel movements?

you want the ultimate in shitting food?

okra.

holy shit it's the shit's shit. you'll be shitting huge logs, won't feel them and never have to wipe again.

>>7276716
>>holding your shit in all night so you can take a huge dump at work in the morning

if you take a shit break at work every day, say a regular 15 minute one, you'll end up with a full week and a half of pay every year for nothing but shitting.

>>7276588
This doesn't make any sense. Do you also not look at your dick? Or touch it?