/ck/ hold me
>Be male, 26
>Go to wife's family's house for her birthday
>Her mother is part landwhale (think 400 lbs, easily)
>"Oh anon! We're making steak for Sharon's birthday! We wanna eat healthy!"
>This is a woman who shares those "tasty" videos where the main ingredient is sweetened condensed milk
>On top of that--steak is one of the least healthy meats--but I just smile and say I'm excited for whatever they make
>MIL also regularly get fast food, I'm talking 4-5 times a week
>Wife and FIL are somehow not landwhales
>FIL comes home with New York Strips, not bad
>MIL first pats them off with a paper towel to "remove the blood and make them healthier," then takes them and slathers them in: Oil, butter, salt, pepper, and more oil
>And then slaps them in a fucking George Foreman
>After cooking them two minutes on each side in the George Foreman she slams them in the oven for 15 minutes
>I offer to help, am declined
>"Oh anon don't you worry I cook all the time!"
>No bitch you DON'T your main fucking diet is Mcdonalds fries
>Steak is now leather, could be mistaken for a handbag
>I grimace through it while the rest are ooooing and ahhing complimenting her (lack) of cooking skills
>"Healthy" but also no salad or vegetables of any kind
>"Healthy" but sides include (but are not limited to): McDonalds Fries, white rice w/ butter, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, so many fucking potatoes
>Manage to somehow eat the whole steak, say how great it was, and smile through it all
>My asshole had revenge on me later
I don't get it. Literally the only reason she's overweight is because she eats absolute GARBAGE and sits on her ass all fucking day. She said that she needs "Eight small meals a day!" No bitch, you need one a fucking month with the amount of blubber you've accumulated.
>Pic related is what is looked like
Horror stories when you were a guest somewhere /ck/?
>was visiting Memphis where my grandparents live, planning to eat at an amazing local chicken place for lunch (uncle lou's)
>go to grandparents house, love my grandmother dearly but she had very pleb taste
>she takes me out and buys me shoes because she's a grandmother
>insists upon gracing me with further hospitality despite my concerns that she's already done too much
>unable to escape lunch
>half to eat half a cold reheated little Caesars pizza with a side of boiled carrots
>smiling while my dreams of the world's best fried chicken fade from view
>rest her soul that woman was not a good cook
Is this a troll post, or are you just an autist? What else would you eat on your birthday other than steak and potatoes? You sound like the sort of cuck who eats an avocado on gluten-free toast for dinner, than makes themself throw it up
I have a somehow related question to the discussion, but first a little introduction:
>cooking for my family on a daily basis since almost 20years
>my wife loves my cooking(besides the experimental stuff)
>guests usually go silent for the first few moments when they dig in and say it's very good
how do you tell if they are all just beeing nice or if you are actually a good cook?
>"i'm a great cook, Anon!! you should come by for dinner some time!"
>go to dinner some time
>there's me and a few other people
>serves crunchy "mexican" rice
>not because the rice was meant to be crunchy, but because the bitch put raw rice covered in sour cream and mixed with "taco seasoning," diced tomatoes and shredded cheese into the oven, expecting it to cook through
>serves "barbecued" chicken drums
>they are boiled in an equal measure of barbecue sauce and water
>inexplicably, they're still raw in the centre
(maybe not inexplicable as I just came to understand that they might have been frozen)
>serves "homemade" caesar salad
>a bag of iceberg lettuce salad mix with a bowl of Ken's "caesar dressing" to which a bit of anchovy paste (from a tube) was added
>serves "i made it myself!!" cake with "but the icening* is from the store, sorry" frosting
*yes: "icening," not "icing" nor "frosting"
>the betty crocker box mix is in plain view in the recycling bin
>the coffee was weak and unpleasant
Despite it truly being the worst dinner I've ever been served, I appreciated the effort, enjoyed the company and was a gracious guest. Especially after we decided "fuck this" and ordered a buffalo chicken pizza instead.
Thin, pretty, WASPy, suburban middle class cumdumpsters, the sorts who might do dressage or play harp, are the worst cooks ever.
Similar experience with another semi-WASPy bitch (she's Catholic, so more WASC) was having people over for homemade tacos but it was just beef cooked with taco seasoning served in a bowl with various bowls of toppings and stuff as well as Ortega taco shells.
Unless you're a dyke or the child of immigrant, non-WASP parents, American white women have no place in a kitchen. And if you're a dyke, just cook brunch because that's all you're good for.
Of course you eat steak and potatoes; usually it's edible though. And the woman claimed we were having vegetables with dinner but it turns out the potatoes are apparently a vegetable.
No. No no no no no no no.
Why. Why in the fuck.
Couldn't you just go there afterwards? Still, I understand how that feels. My grandmother freezes everything and tries to serve it later no matter how long it's been. She's had stuffed peppers sitting in her freezer for about 3 years now.
>not wanting fatty brisket
I grew up eating the fuck out of brisket because it's a common meat eaten in my home country (2007 figures: 99.95% non-Jew population) by all people regardless of religion. When we moved to America, my mother remarked that the brisket sold in supermarkets was too lean, never that it was too fatty.
On further reflection, I think the rice dish may have been meant to be made with Minute Rice and the bitch never knew there was a difference.
Oh, and neither the cake nor salad were bad, just that neither was homemade.
I was soured on the experience because of all the "I'm a good cook!!!" bragging I heard before the get together.
One time I was on a camping trip with a school group and this obnoxious land whale brought a bunch of chili she made.
She even said
>you know it's good cause I didn't get this fat eating stuff that wasn't good!
Almost wanted to slap that bitch in the face and tell her that's bullshit.
Unsurprisingly it was the worst chili I've ever eaten.
>visit father, fucking retard
>cooks entire chickens, too much
>chicken is finished
>ready to eat and watch movie
>I find feathers and hair on chicken
>eat anyway, he's a broke shithead
vomiting middle of the night
I have a story but it doesn't have much to do wiht the quality of the food. When I was in high school, probably 15 or so, I was eating dinner at my gf's house and meeting her parents for the first time. To this day I don't know why but during dinner my stomach began to betray me and I was forced to excuse myself from the table to go to the bathroom. Gf's parents didn't think anything of it except I ended up staying in there for a solid 45 minutes according to my cheap Timex watch. Once my gf's mom knocked on the door to check on me. After my 45 minute battle I emerged sweaty and red faced, walked into the living room where everyone was now watching television. I was told that there was more spaghetti if I wanted some more. I politely declined and wished everyone a pleasant evening and my gf walked me to my mom's minivan that I'd borrowed and driven to their house.
I used a roll and half of toilet paper. Remember that teenage experience of meeting your gf's parents for the first time and how every word and tone and gesture was carefully caluculated? Remember how your mind was running at 200% trying to be polite and respectful? Well imagine that with a wicked 45 minute Normandy Beach shit thrown in.
>buddy says, come over for bbq
>hes grilling streaks, they look like petit serloins
>while the steak is still on the grill he takes a knife and mfw he starts cutting into them
>"what the fuck are you doing dude?"
>I'm checking if they're done anon
>damage has been done, so I don't say anything else
>steak was like jerky
>be me about 8, sleeping over at friends house
>having cereal for breakfast
>"try it with sugar anon."
>pours a fuck ton of sugar on rice crispies
>so fucking sweet it's hurting my teeth
>couldn't even eat it.
Still remember that bullshit 25 years later
>friend invites you over for food
>it's not perfect
>"what the fuck are you doing dude?"
>damage has been done, so I don't say anything else
that's much better than offering helpful advice for next time
He invited you over, bought and prepared food for you, and all you can do is complain after the fact that it wasn't up to your standards?
You didn't even explain why it wasn't right or how it should be done, you just watched.
The way I see it, it's just as much a failure on your part as it is his. You knew how the task should be performed and stayed quiet when someone who obviously didn't know tried to do it. And then later you complain behind his back that he should learn to do it right.
If I were him, I wouldn't invite you over anymore.
>8 meals a day
Jesus Christ. What you've described perfectly OP is a flyover. They don't have the slightest idea what good food is. I have had similar experiences.
>Invited to dinner with dad and wife at his house in the flyover land of upstate New York
>Tells me he got some really good quality steaks
>Oh nice, where from?
>Now this is deep into flyoverland, the kind where the only shopping option in the entire county is one super Wal-Mart
>I'm used to getting my steaks free-range, grass fed from a local butcher shop who raises them right out back
>So tender and flavorful they just melt in your mouth
>Here we go
>Sho nuff, steaks are like shoe leather, zero flavor
>Dad and his wife and my siblings are drowning the steaks in A1, going on and on about how good they are
>Dad's wife mentions how she'll have to get them again
>Dad asks me where I get my steaks, and I say a butcher shop about a half hour south
>Said he tried there and couldn't taste the difference, prefers Wal-Mart, which is, believe it or not, more expensive
>marrying a woman whose mother weighs 400 pounds
>even dating a woman whose mother weighs 400 pounds
My dad is a piece of shit, but he taught me the most valuable piece of wisdom I ever had bestowed on me. If you wouldn't fuck the mom, don't fuck the daughter. Because there's a good chance that she'll end up looking her mother at some point in her life.
lol, no, they don't. Maybe 30 years ago, but Wal-Mart has seen to ending that. The problem is that so many residents of flyoverland have never had the real deal and just accept the big box cuckmeat. This can go on for so long that when they get the good stuff they can't tell the difference.
>Lived in flyoverland for 25 years, I know.
>Remember that teenage experience of meeting your gf's parents for the first time and how every word and tone and gesture was carefully caluculated?
Her mom drove up next to us in her van and shouted "HEY KIDS, WANT SOME CANDY?"
Observe them a little...
>do they take a while before taking another bite?
>do they chug it down with their drinks?
>do they leave their plate half eaten with some bullshit excuse?
>They never ask or serve themselves more?
>They haven't come back to eat at your house when invited?
If you answer "Yes" to any of these questions then yes they were just being nice.
Anyways back on topic
>Live in Mexico
>visiting aunt last christmas
>All family gathered
>"Oh, anon,don't you worry for anything! I'll be making tamales for everyone this year"
>I love my aunt but she makes the worst tamales in all Mexico
>oversalted, over spiced and half burnt pork in red sauce
>"I'll add some chile directly into the masa too! it'll give it a nice punch!"
>raw masa looks and smells like puke
>The whole time the tamales are in the steam the putrid smell fills the house.
>Everyone is just awkwardly trying to eat their tamales without making a scene.
>I made some potato salad for lunch that's still on the fridge, I take it out and it disappears in a few minutes.
>"Anon! You potato salad went bad! I took a bit and it made me sick!"
>"....yeah...sorry about that, aunt... the mayonnaise must have been past its date"
>Seriously...fuck my aunt's tamales
He had already fucked it up. The steaks were fucked at that point. I'm not complaining, I'm just sayin'.
I guess I could have said something so he doesn't fuck his own shit up in the future, but whatever, fuck him. His little brother is a really talented chef, so he will learn some shit sooner or later.
Furthermore, have you ever tried to tell someone some shit while they're cooking. It's like some back seat driver shit. Nobody wants to hear that shit, even if you're trying to help them out. In that specific situation, the best course of action was to shut the fuck up, trust.
Why the fuck would someone pretend to be a plumber? Additionally, what does being a plumber have to do with his taste in food? Shut the fuck up dude. Your feelings are hurt, but it's ok. Time heals all wounds buddy.
Your deep thoughts are so shallow they would drown in a bowl of soup. I was referring to his braggadocious and unnecessary salary and position.
I wish you cum stuck Kleenex wads would stop sticking your noses in the middle of things. If you want to see words on a screen that you posted then go back to /b/.
lol bro, it's 4 chun. Every neckbeard here is so well off it's ridiculous. I don't think I've ever met one person on these boards who pulled in less than 100k a year. It's a site frequented by true winners.
>And if you're a dyke, just cook brunch because that's all you're good for.
You misunderstood the advice. Obesity is an outlying factor. People don't get fat unless they eat too much and do not exert themselves adequately.
Even so, it's shitty advice. I've examined enough family photo albums to observe that the chance isn't nearly as good as people make out. It's only a reasonable guide if the mother looked similar to the daughter in her youth.
She works out and has generally been avoiding fast food. On the bright side she doesn't drink soda either. She's tried several times to get her mother back into shape, but her mother complains.
I'm gonna make a long story short--her mom got in a pretty bad accident a few years ago and it fucked up both of her legs, meaning that she has a hard time walking.
Still not excuse in my book though; if she'd jsut gone to physical therapy instead of bitching at my FIL to serve her 24/7 she wouldn't have increased to landwhale capacity.