How do I obtain classy table manners? I'd like to take out a ritzy girl to dinner sometime, but I don't want to appall her with my atrocious table manners.
How is this hard?
Don't put your elbows on the table.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Put the napkin in your lap.
Hold fork with the left hand, knife with the right.
If you have multiple courses, start with the utensils on the outside, and work your way in.
Cut small pieces and don't chipmunk your food.
Don't talk with your mouth open.
There you go, anon. Good luck with your date, you fucking subhuman degenerate.
Napkin in your lapkin
No elbows on the table
Don't talk with food in your mouth
Stand up when she gets up/sits down
No balls on the table
Don't gulp your drinks
Chew, mouth closed
Utensils start from the outside in
Don't drink from your soup bowl
Make amiable conversation and don't present polarizing conversation.
All of these. Also
Don't make overly specific orders.
Likewise don't try to move stuff to the side of your plate or say "Eurgh"
If you order wine and the waiter brings it for you to taste, you're supposed to check if it's corked, not if you like the wine you just ordered.
Always have still water for the table
Pour for her first. Ask before topping up her wine though.
Never, ever, snap your fingers at the waiter or shout for him. Just try to catch his eye. A raised finger (no higher than your neck) can be used if necessary to attract attention.
This never ever made sense as a "manners". It seems to me like a thing some autistic mother thought up, she'd get triggered by elbows, and made her kids do it under the reasoning "It's good manners" when it's just some fake bullshit that makes no difference to anything.
No you don't. You only think that because you were lied to by an autistic mother.
here's a tip: if you're disgusted by something, and I'm not? you're the one with the problem. fix it.
Take an edicuitte class or 2.
Watch how Yuropoors eat. Copy them. Pretty simple. Also, don't let your server mock you for eating everything with a fork and knife. It happens to everyone who eats properly. In the US at least.
-don't spill shit
-don't get food all over you
-don't chew with your mouth open
-don't talk with food in your mouth
-excuse yourself from the table if you need to go to the bathroom or watch anime on your phone
-wear something decent
-wait till everyone is served before you eat
-serve people first if you're the host
-use a knife to cut your food (unless you're British then use a spoon)
-try not to fart
-don't talk about politics or religion
-use a napkin
that's specious reasoning
>you drop trou' and hover your ass over the table
>take a spraying shit over the lot of it
>i express my discontentment with the situation
>geez anon, it doesn't bother me, so it's not disgusting, maybe you need to work through your issues.
Your simplistic logic required an obvious if implausible example. Just because you don't think something is nasty, doesn't mean the fault lies with the disgusted. Maybe you're just a slob.
It is never acceptable to fart at the dinner table. Not even if it's just a quicky into a jar to save for later. Apparently even the mere act of the fart is considered bad manners. I learnt this the hard way.
I guess you're expected to go outside every single time or something. I know, it's retarded.
This, pissing in jars is strangely frowned upon too. I know it seems like going to the bathroom would break the flow but for whatever reason it's more acceptable to get up from the table and make everyone wait for you to come back.
Mostly just act like this dude. As if food and drink has little to no pleasure for you, but you're mildly interested by the strange human ritual of transporting small items from table to mouth.
For real though, most of etiquette is about minimising how much of your disgusting self you inflict on your fellow diners. You're trying to hide the visual, auditory and physical aspects of your consumption as much as possible.
it's easier for most people to use a knife with their dominant hand. the reason why "good manners" tell you to hold the knife in your right hand is because society used to shame left-handedness out of people. I had a college professor who was ambidextrous because the nuns at his primary school used to beat the shit out of his knuckles if he tried to write with his left hand.
now that we're in the 21st century, if you're left handed, hold the knife in whichever hand works best. just make sure you know how to use it properly.
It makes more sense to hold the fork with the left hand if it's not your dominant hand. I don't think it has anything to do with trying to shame left-handedness out of anyone. With the left all you need to do is hold your food on the plate to make sure it doesn't slide around, while the knife is the one doing most of the work/moving. So it makes sense that the dominant hand would hold the knife.
>It makes more sense to hold the fork with the left hand if it's not your dominant hand.
this is wrong.
you should hold the food steady with your fork using your non-dominant hand. then, use your dominant hand to make the necessary articulated movements to cut morsels of food from whatever you're eating. Since your dominant hand is naturally better at fine movements, it is the best choice to keep control of the knife.
>If you order wine and the waiter brings it for you to taste, you're supposed to check if it's corked, not if you like the wine you just ordered.
Would you elaborate on this for me please?
Elbows are disgusting to look at. What the fuck is that scrotum hanging off them? you think it's nice to look at when you're eating food? fuck no. fuck you fucking faggot for even questioning elbows on the fucking table mannerisms.