What do Astronauts and Cosmonauts eat in space? if /ck/ was

Nothing because they're operating on a whole other level from anyone else.

File: look_no_hands.gif (2MB, 360x240px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 360x240px

>>5478161

Dried vacuum sealed stuff. They have a machine that will hydrate the food if that's recommended.

I'd make them cinnamon buns.

File: Frelling Food Cubes.jpg (888KB, 930x1798px) Image search: [Google]

888KB, 930x1798px

>>5478161
food cubes

File: spaceburger1.jpg (924KB, 3032x2006px) Image search: [Google]

924KB, 3032x2006px

>>5478178
this doesn't look like dry vacuum stuff.. it looks like a chicken sandwich! with friggen ketchup on it! isn't that stuff going to short out their orbit coffin?

File: SpaceTacos.jpg (232KB, 720x405px) Image search: [Google]

232KB, 720x405px

>>5478183
this guy's making tacos!! is this fake?? lol.

>>5478183

Dried stuff isn't all they eat. They get care packages with nicer stuff.

Though not sure that chicken sandwich qualifies.

>>5478183
I assume the dried vacuum stuff was used for shorter missions in the past. Being stationed to the ISS for a long period would make the costs of blasting some real food into space once in awhile actually worth it just to keep astronaut morale up.

File: realfood.jpg (45KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 640x360px

>>5478187
this is more like it. I expected more tubes and shit. Toothpaste is best dessert.

File: floating-tortilla.gif (1MB, 405x228px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 405x228px

>>5478187

They love soft taco/pita stuff.

I would just train an Asian massage therapist to go into space so the guys could get tuggers now and again.
I bet they would rather have that than tacos in space.

>>5478195
That's vodka.

>>5478198
i just want to know if any astranauts ever fucked in there. I guess they can't cause they're always on camera... but what are they gonna do? Send my ass back home?

>>5478203
oh shit. thats awesome haha.

>>5478198
what the fuck is tuggers

>>5478206
Considering that male and female astronauts have been in space together, and knowing people ... probably.

>>5478213
some of them were married to each other... but then again, that would embarass your entire country forever. so maybe they kept it in their pants you know. They are all fucking PHDs and shit, right?

>>5478210

When you go to a message parlor and ask for a "tugger" it's slang for an small towel or one that you would have to "tug" to fit around a normal size waist.

>>5478210
> tugger
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygcRrfQt-0Q

>>5478206

I actually watched some product promotion video on Youtube made specifically for fucking. Basically its like two snuggie tops sewn but with leg space. The idea is that you just float while you dock your shuttle to the station but the fabric keeps you from floating apart and expending energy propelling yourselves back together.

I'm too lazy to google it though but it was pretty cool.

>>5478223
It's space, shit floats. Just "accidentally" put something in front of the camera for the few minutes it takes for a quickie.

I'd do it.

>>5478223
I'm working on my PhD and it isn't like I would magically give up the chance to unload a floating jizz cumulus at my significant other in space just because of my education.

>>5478238
>>5478243
id do it too... but.

It's a billion dollar program, part of the army and the government. You can get very real jailtime for basically ruining the reputation of the entire program and country.

Imagine if during one of the space flights some errant jizz flew into the temperature control matrix, and made it so HOTTTT that everyone is taking of their clothes... but since its space... its cold at the same time... so they're snuggling together for warmth...

eventually more errant jizz is released. And everyone is just floating.... and spinning... and jizzing....

>>5478257
It's not that embarrassing. People fuck all the time. The only people embarrassed by it are young teens, religious fundamentalists and politicians. And even if it were embarrassing, you wouldn't get thrown in jail for it. Not the US at least. Reprimanded probably, and somebody might leak it to the internet as a sex tape, but no jail time.

File: imageprocessor.jpg (8KB, 320x180px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 320x180px

>>5478257
My /ck/ sure is horny today.

>>5478285
as a service memeber of the air force, you can be courtmarshalled for disobedience, dissubordination, etc.

Refusing orders about behavior in space would be a likely reason for a courtmarshall.

Theyd go to Air Force jail, for a long ass time and Nasa would try to cover it up saying they got in trouble for "disobedience" instaed of telling everyone that they're sending a bunch of horny kids to space on a billion dollar rocket.

Its the same reason... that the president was impeached for getting a blow job before. What's wrong with a fucking blowjob? Well, apparently its a question of ethics and morals. People with greater responsibility need to be more responsible.

>>5478161

Astronauts eat terrible food they've all admitted.

One story I know is a russian cosmonaut wanted some food from home and insisted on a small container of his mother's cooking not even 350 grams in weight. It cost about $8000 USD to bring his mother's cooking to the station in the supply run.

>>5478297
He wasn't impeached for getting a blow job, he was impeached for lying about a blow job under oath. And besides, that was just politics--an easy way for his opponents to create an annoying distracting mess for him.

And yeah, if they're ordered not to fuck, I imagine most probably wouldn't. You think that's included in the orders though?

>>5478298
Turned out that was smack.
Fucker had a habit.

>>5478213

No never, even the married couple were given explicit instructions to have no relations of any kind.

One because in space even breathing is look at differently and sex if it would disable one of them even for a few hours would count as a disaster for NASA in space.

Two, the retarded public opinion which is the main reason space travel is so poorly funded is "brothel in space, fuck you NASA" opinion.

People are still bitter about the Apollo mission where an astronaut hit a golf ball in space which people called a 5 billion dollar golf trip.

>>5478298
> One story I know is a russian cosmonaut wanted some food from home and insisted on a small container of his mother's cooking not even 350 grams in weight. It cost about $8000 USD to bring his mother's cooking to the station in the supply run.

yeah, that story sounds like total bullshit. it's got the typical "legendary" tone to it.

First of all 350 grams will in no way add up to 8000 bucks... that was probably something like a math trick.

This is a lame ass mathematician joke.

Also, googling "cosmonaut home cooked" resulted in nothing relevant. sounds like an urban legend.

>>5478257
Jail time for "ruining the reputation of the entire program?" Gotta be trolling. Errant jizz is no more harmful to the station than errant snot from sneezing...shit happens. I guarantee people spending months on the ISS have fapped there.

>>5478304
> And yeah, if they're ordered not to fuck, I imagine most probably wouldn't. You think that's included in the orders though

i don't think it would be a direct order, but i think multiple times their orders would repeat something like "protect the interests of the USA at all costs... at all times" or someshit. Or "do not do anything that can endanger the space vehicle" or something lol.

File: 1301526510096.jpg (9KB, 768x768px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 768x768px

>>5478182

All the coconut, disgusting.

>>5478309
I hope I get to see brothels in space in my lifetime.

>>5478310

You're forgetting the food needs to be taken made and taken to the russian space agency, space must be made in the cargo to put it there, it must be put in a regulation container, it must be weighted, sealed and taken to the soyuz.

All of this is taken into consideration plus the time and labor needed to process all of that. I've had space food in space camp.

Freeze dried ratshit.

>>5478326
Dude just check craigslist for Asian massage places.
No need to bring space into this, they are in every city in america.

>>5478334
> I've had space food in space camp.
yeah. there you go. that was just a thing teachers/councelors say.. dude.

It's called an an "anectode", a "legend", an "urban myth" and it contains a moral lesson - that when you're in space on a 10 billion dollar rocket, even bringing a tiny little jar will cost $8000.

Its not true. That means that if you combine the weight of all the shit inside the astranauts, their shit would be worth over $20,000 ? or more? come on. Don't listen to councelors, they are liars.

>>5478354
> Alright, gentlemen. As you know - every 350 grams of weight costs us $8000 dollars. So, as a formal measure, we are paying you $1000 in cash for evacuating your bowells.

Please stand in a semicircle, and Sally will pass around the bucket.

>>5478354

The story comes from Bjarni Tryggvason, And yes it really does cost that much.

>>5478362
> The story comes from Bjarni Tryggvason, And yes it really does cost that much.

okay, beleive your faggy little astronaut stories. This is why i totally got bored of astronomy. I wanted to be an astranaut.

But the truth is theres nothing fucking out there in space, and anyone that wants to go there is a stupid ass nerd that believes 350grams of shit costs 8k to deliver...

and why was a canadian astronaught telling you a story about a russian cosmonaut and the food price was $8000 american. like wtf. youre all over the place. your BS detector's completely out of wack.

File: E.T. the extra testicle.png (355KB, 601x346px) Image search: [Google]

355KB, 601x346px

First motion is to replace the cornbread.

>>5478370
Space is fairly empty, sure, but there's not a lot out there? Uhm, everything that's not this planet is out there, so, basically ... everything.

File: mathisexciting2.png (149KB, 392x253px) Image search: [Google]

149KB, 392x253px

>>5478443
> Space is fairly empty, sure, but there's not a lot out there? Uhm, everything that's not this planet is out there, so, basically ... everything.

thats exactly the boring kinds of shit teachers say.... teachers are dreamers. they never actually work in their profession they want, they workin Academia.

so pretty much everything you've ever learned in school was told to you by a person that has no real world experience with it. :D

> MATH IS EXCITING!
> MFW!

>>5478443
Space is not empty...

>>5478462
No don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that space is largely empty, even after accounting for dark matter. But you do realize if we don't get off of this planet some day, we will eventually go extinct--by the later stages of our main sequence star's lifespan if we don't wipe ourselves out before then. Of course that won't be my problem, but still. Space exploration is pretty important, even at our current technological level. And besides, I want to fuck in zero g before I die.

>>5478480
Understood, but it is compared to what we're accustomed to. Distances between appreciable clusters of matter are ... astronomical.

>>5478370

Hard to believe you're that clueless.

Because most if not all prices for NASA in international space travel is in american. And weight is everything since every kg costs fuel and time.

Space travel is stupidly expensive.

>>5478481
Sex in space would be awesome just for the sake of novelty, but it would be hard to get good thrusting going on. Also, cumshots would be cool, but there would be no satisfying splattering. A cumfart would be hilarious though.

>>5478481
dude im only going to be alive for another 70 years max. I dont give a shit about the future of human kind....

That's my entire point. Get fucking real. Come back down to earth. Id rather them shut nasa down entirely and open up In N Out on the east coast. THAT would do some good. THATS exploration.

fuck space and science. boring ass shit for day dreaming teenagers and auto erotic self asphyxiating school teachers.

>>5478326
>earth isn't in space

>>5478499
>That's my entire point. Get fucking real. Come back down to earth. Id rather them shut nasa down entirely and open up In N Out on the east coast. THAT would do some good. THATS exploration.
lol'd

>>5478490
>Space travel is stupidly expensive.
but think of all the money from asteroid mining

>>5478499
But maybe the buddhists are right, and you'll get reincarnated after you die. As a monkey. Then an In N Out isn't going to do you any good.

>>5478506
but that is zero so far

superheated water surprise

>>5478499
If everyone was lazy like you, In N Out would never have been invented. Think about that bro.

>>5478539
>2014
>thinking time is linear

>>5478546
In n out was created by Mormons. They don't believe in science.

>>5478537
> yeah what if i was reincarnated as a monkey that lives next door to an in n out?

tell me you wouldn't buy a monkey a cheeseburger if you saw it asking for one? exactly. I've already planned all of this ahead.

File: 2105551-zzzz.jpg (16KB, 431x375px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 431x375px

>>5478161
Fucking Neelix, I can't believe that fucker used to bed kes . That idea used to fill me with rage when I was a kid. I had a huge crush on her.

Build taco bell on space station

>>5478747
I spanked it to kes a few times. Made me feel like a tool.

>>5478824
Fucking pervert, she's only 3.

A two second google search will tell you it costs 10,000 dollars per pound to put things in orbit. Rocket fuel is ungodly expensive and it takes a lot

>>5479160
The cost is the rocket not the fuel

>>5479175
no its the fuel, it takes a lot of fuel to overcome gravity and break orbit

how can you be so wrong while on the internet

File: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.jpg (131KB, 934x794px) Image search: [Google]

131KB, 934x794px

>>5478747
>>5478824

I spanked it to her too. She was perfect. Except that short hair... i wonder what she looks like with long.....
> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE HORROR!
> Cannot unsee....

>>5479177
yeah but thats the MATH.

like a million ton rocket costs 10,000 per pound but the only friggen carry a couple hundred pounds of cargo....

my point was that putting a 350 ml can of home cooking into the cargo WOULD NOT HAVE COST an extra 8k. Because first of all... they would just take something else out, instead of endangering the rocket.... and its just something an old dorky scientist would say... to try to paint it like they're counting jars of mayo and sayin "welp, thats 10 grand. thats 10 grand. tahts 10 grand"

dont be rediculous.
i concede space travel is expensive
i coneded that extra wait is extra cost

but i still remain firm in my original statement - that that bullshit $8,000 figure never happenned, and was just something a stupid math teacher said to prove how you use math in the real world... like shutup old man, the bell is about to ring.

>>5479177
Do the fucking math faggot. Compare the cost of a rocket, then compare the cost of the fuel. Do that and dont let me catch your face around here again kid

>>5479191
>>5479187
stupids fucks gonna stupid

>>5479195
Do the math

Do it

I dare you fag

>>5479195
http://home.earthlink.net/~peter.a.taylor/launch.htm

>>5479179
this seems to be a trend in star trek. 7of9 = hot. jeri ryan = lumpy face, bug eyes and man chin. kes = hot. jen lien = downie. tepal = hot jolene blalock = mexican trap

>>5479177
>>5479205
>how can you be so wrong while on the internet

Wow m8 just dont even ever post again. Im thinking of your dignity when i say this

>>5479175
yeah and 80% of the rocket is fuel

>>5479220
Not 80% of the cost it isnt

>>5479220
thank you

also>>5479201
adding weight to the rocket(food) doesnt increase the rocket cost it increases the fuel cost

>>5479195
>>5479201
>>5479205

here's the fucking blurb from NASA itself. Straight from the horses mouth.
> TL;DR: it only costs us $10,000 a pound because we're fucking stupid right now and soon it will cost us $100.

so like i said, you need to recognize the difference between math and real life.

In real life, the cargo space of a rocket accounts to 0.00005% of the fucking rocket, fuel, everything.

So if it costs $10,000 a pound, that probably means the fucking minifridge that contains the only pound of cargo on the ship costs $10,000.

COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Stupid face

File: stupidsgoneastupid.jpg (249KB, 1390x924px) Image search: [Google]

249KB, 1390x924px

>>5479228
here forgot the pic.

Its okay, Reading Comprehension is kind of hard. It's not your fault for not reading between the lines and using your own brain. Saying that the fucking can of beans that one guy brought weighed a 10,000 tonne rocket down enough to cost $8000 more of fuel.

RIDICULOUS.

>>5479231
>>5479228
Fucking based

File: 1156323359849(1).jpg (19KB, 160x160px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 160x160px

>>5478161
God, fuck voyager. Janeway = worst captain. Neelix = Jar Jar Blinks of the Star Trek Universe. FUCK YOU OP FOR BEING A FAGGOT

>>5478462
>its just water colombus you queer who gives a shit about some faggy continent

>>5478297

>A service member of the Air Force
>dissurbordination

Good god.

2001 had a cool idea of cuisine in space. You can basically serve anything you want in zero G as long as it has a viscous sauce to make it stick to the plate.

File: 1398714480539.jpg (44KB, 561x265px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 561x265px

>>5478237
>The idea is that you just float while you dock your shuttle to the station

I laughed harder than i probably should.

>>5478206
Astronauts have been documented talking about fucking in the Space Shuttle. I can't be bothered to find it but just google astronaut sex and you'll probably get it. I think one woman actually got in some trouble because she basically fucked all the other male astronauts on the mission.

I mean they're all incredibly smart, well adjusted, ultra fit people so it's inevitable.

File: gross.jpg (50KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 640x480px

>>5478309
>sex if it would disable one of them
> sex
> it would disable them

bahahha lmao sorry mod, ban me im too drunk that shits too funny.

>>5479282
>she basically fucked all the other male astronauts on the mission

Nice. No facials in space though

>>5479256
haha that is pretty funny, i missed that. thanks for pointing that out.

>>5479253
but if it would stick to the plate it would stick to other things. Like if a droplet gets airborne it can get sucked in a vent or some shit.

there's vents everwhere on space ships, haven't you seen The Outer Limits the spider episode? that was a sick one.

>>5479310
Yeah. She had to ingest all of it to maintain cleanliness.

>>5479282
> Kike. Just Google It.
don't you think i google "astranaut sex" like 6 times a day? hello? HELLLO?!!

seriously, if YOU google it youll see that nobody has ever been documented doing that. And it hasn't happened.

What you can do if you want to be useful is upload that gif with the astranaut chick squirting mayo into her face like it was a dick. that shit was hot and looked real.

>>5478183
>>5478187
but all of that stuff was in fact vacuum sealed. They use hot water to heat the sandwiches. What is your point?

I remember reading an article about the topic, many years back the US sent a married couple into space and they were asked to try out sex in zero g. No details though, but I have heard that it is very hard to have an erection in space because the blood flow is changed. You also constantly feel like you have a head cold because of that and you get bad flatulence. Maxbe astronauts are not so keen on having sex as we all think.

>>5478298
>>5478310
>First of all 350 grams will in no way add up to 8000 bucks
Hey tardbro, guess what:

>Comparing the payload costs to orbit is useful here. The Delta 4 Heavy can put up 23 metric tons at about $19 million/ton or $8600 per pound

That's how much it costs to send a pound of ANYTHING to orbit.

Other orbital delivery vehicles are higher-cost than the Delta IV because efficiency. So $8000 for a 350g home-cooked meal is well within normal costs.

>>5478462
>>5478370
>>5478354
>>5478310
>>5479228

man alive dude, you are retarded as fuck.

>>5479316
>astranaut
>multiple times

How fucking retarded are you?

>>5478495
Actually sex in space is not only dangerous but basically impossible.

Can't get yo dick up cause the blood won't work properly and sticking your dick in her vagoo can cause a vacuum in there.

Sorry to break it for you, at least be happy that your sperm is gonna be extra retarded if they actually come out with that space sex suit, so you probably won't get any kids.

>>5479228
>It'll take 100$ to get to outer space.
Out of suns orbit, here we go.

Planet earth, meet the endless ageless void.

I'd hazard a guess that everything is pasteurised to hell and back because bacteria goes crazy in space.

File: NASA ISS food.jpg (123KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

123KB, 1280x720px

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vVle67Tfjc

File: chocolate-ice-cubes-gold.jpg (20KB, 251x191px)

20KB, 251x191px

Send these up and all will be well.

File: IdaKnow.jpg (5KB, 203x249px)

5KB, 203x249px

>>5479508
>Can't get yo dick up cause the blood won't work properly

WTF?!?!??!?!?!!?

you belong on /pol/ if you're going to post this kind of idiocy i.e., I typed it therefore it must be true

>>5479564
Nope, see since your dick won't inflate properly since the actually amount of blood needed to go to your dick is not gonna go there your dick is gonna stay flaccid.

>>5479207
>starting with 7 of 9

underage b&

>>5479578
guys guys, gates mcfadden in her prime was MILF material

>>5478166
>vaccuum sealed M&M's

I was watching >>5479519 and thought they were taking a way too traditional western approach. Tomato soup? boiled spinach? "teriyaki" veggies, which I assume must be boiled to hell and bland. If people can spend decades of their lives in foreign countries with foreign food, it's kind of goofy for astronauts to be sticking to the traditional meat & potatoes or pseudo chinese food.

I'd personally try to fit some curry saturated rice in there, and maybe see if breakfast muffins with sausage+egg+cheese could somehow be reconstructed. If vegans can live off okra/kale chips, I'm sure someone could turn them into an addictive snack (tons of salt, vinegar, pepper, bbq flavors). You wouldn't even need to rehydrate them.

>>5479179
Why would you post that photo anon?
To kill my childhood? :_;