How do you guys deal with unsupportive parents/guardians/family members?
Personally I just turned 23 but I'm living with my parents again before pursuing graduate school in the fall because money and it can get frustrating to feel like I still have to ask for permission to go to conventions and stuff. Even talking about it just seems like I'm pulling teeth when this is a hobby I've had since I was 14. My dad's whole thing is that as long as I'm in his house I'm still his kid and still have to answer to my folks which I can understand (I've got a good relationship with them other than this) but they really haven't made any effort to understand or accept my hobbies. My mom tries I think but will still side with my dad when it comes down to it. It's disheartening because I don't need them to even be so happy about it - I just need them to tolerate it and know that it makes me happy and I'll be participating in the convention scene until I personally don't want to anymore. I guess I don't really know the best way to tell them this and not have it result in a fight.
General parents/family in cosplay/lolita/etc complaints/stories would be great. Do your family members like what you do? Hate it? Cosplay with you?
My dad encouraged me a lot, and helped me with power tools and sanding some props for costumes.
My mom helps with sewing and patterns and things like that.
Both my parents love that it makes me so happy.
When I was really depressed about a year ago, I made halfhearted plans to go to a small, local con and didn't want to cosplay. My mom surprised me by buying all the pieces for a Raven (teen titans) cosplay and helping me get the rest of the stuff I needed.
I'm still losing interest in the cosplay scene in general, but my parents have always been really supportive of my hobby.
Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. In the grand scheme of things, when given the choice of "Kicking them out and never seeing them again" or "They sneak out sometimes but at least they're home with me," your parents are going to choose the latter.
I'd love to do this but I can't exactly just... sneak out. It's for Katsucon (which I told my mom I was going to but never got around to telling my dad bc I'm stupid and forgot) and it's 6 hours away from me currently. I'm too chickenshit to just up and leave. I think when my dad goes to work tomorrow I'm just gonna send him a nice text like "hey this is what I'm planning on doing and if you need me to take care of anything in the house before I go we can talk about it tonight, sorry I completely forgot to tell you"
your parents will treat like this until you challenge them. you're practically an adult, it's time to start testing boundaries. you'll be surprised at how things improve for you once you show your folks you aren't a goddamn doormat
My mother used to dislike me making costumes and stuff, she'd scuff every time she asked me what I was doing and I'd say 'working on a costume' because she thought I wouldn't be able to make the costumes and I was just wasting materials or whatever. That shit changed when she saw that I actually did complete the costumes I said I would and started getting better and better with every costume I made. Now she doesn't really say anything positive or negative, but you should see the smug look she gets on her face when other family members are openly admiring my work.
More recently she started peeking into my work area every now and then just to see what I'm doing although she won't admit it. She always comes up with some lame excuse or just gives me the "just wanted to see what you were doing" bit.
Pretty much this. You're not a minor anymore. You aren't bound to the same rules as you were when you were a kid anymore. You can actually be your own person and not just under your family's thumb forever
anon knows their parents better than we do. and when i say test the boundaies, i mean do things they don't approve of once in a while to show that they're literally harmless, not go out and smoke crack and set an entire block of houses on fire
My mother always gave me a very fair boundry when it came to hobbies.
1. It cannot be illegal in anyway
2. It cannot involve purposefully hurting someone else, unless they are trying to hurt you too. (Sports for example)
3. Shes not funding it (she would always break this one)
Just talk to them calmly but be assertive.
If you get a level of sewing skill you can use that as an excuse - and if you make something on it sometimes parents back off a bit
Wish I got to start that young though - I'm the oldest of 4 and I'm only starting to cosplay at 21 after I started making money because I didn't want to feel like I was using money that my siblings could use ;_;
Same damn problem anon just in reverse. (mom hates it with a passion dad is just happy when I'm happy)
I dont need her to like my hobby or participate in it, but I wish she would stop saying the stuff I spend my own money on is trash, or that I'm wasting my time and money going to cons. I'm thrifty when I go, and as far as I'm concerned for as much fun as I have at cons, its worth every penny.
>side note here.
>flying half way across country for con this next weekend
>been planning this since new years
>realized I forgot to tell my folks I'm leaving
No kidding!? If I get there this weekend we can get a drink and chat about our parental woes. So many of my friends can just basically do what they want. I haven't met anybody in my situation! Good luck to you!
I sent my dad the message just because I think it'll be easier to break the ice that way. Let's hope it goes well. I tried to use the excuse that I got really sick last week (truth) and wasn't sure if I would be going which is why I waited to say something. Blah.
god I am SO down for that you have no idea. Left my email in the name slot if you want to chat some time while were there.
I'm trying not to lie to them about going to Katsu, instead I'm just... evading the truth? What they dont ask about cant hurt them. Either way its frustrating as hell.
When I went to my first con my parents dropped me off "me 15".My pparents ask if they can walk around to see what its all about "even though all of us seagulls have had this conversation with the parents about anime and convention's and what they mean to us". Not their for 30 mins and my parents hall me off.. to church so that I can pray the evil foreign devils that are possessing me. I mean seriously wtf. Tell social services my parents are having me exercised by this Pentecostal snake freaks. Lived with my grandparents who had no prob giving me the opportunity to be me.
My mom went with me to cons when I was around 10, and stopped when I was around 14. When I was 10 I was just with my little sister so she would kind of watch over us. My parents have never had any problem with me cosplaying, or going to cons. I guess I am just super lucky. My parents are pretty embarrassing though. My mom asks me to buy her anime wallets and trinkets because it reminds her of my sister and I. Especially if they have our hair colors and stuff. She's a completely normalfag business woman, so it's just kind of sweet and weird.
Oh, this is super similar to me.
Started when I was 12 and my mom took me because my brother(16) was too embarrassed to be seen with the little weeb dressed in kingdom hearts. She taught me how to sew and even learned basic prop making with me to make my shitty keyblade. I don't think I was ever as grateful as I could have been.
She took me for 2 more years and then said I was fine as long as I'm with a friend.
On the other hand, my Dad was an old fashion business man who did semi-pro sports and ended up with 2 weeb kids and a head doctor for kids. So he has a favorite. In his defense though, he did take me to Blood Bowl tournament when I was 14 or so. I think he was more worried about me than anything else, but still it was sweet. Only football related trophy I'll ever win.
I started going to conventions when I was 11 and my mom would sometimes have my grandmother, an old school Catholic New Yorker, go with me. She'd sit in the hotel lobby and crochet while I was off with friends. She used to help me with my costumes back then, so she would call cosplayers over and ask how they made their costumes and feed them snacks.
I'll never forget one year, when I was 14 and at my first out of town convention, I got a call from her that said "I walked to Popeyes and got food so come to the lobby" and when I got there she was feeding a group of brolitas and general guys who were crossdressing and fawning over them.
Only have my dad Even at 25 he supports me. I think he's just relieved I am not knocked up with 5 kids already like a few of my cousins. He thinks it's cool I'm building a sewing portfolio and that I learn new skills.
Truthfully the only time he's stepped in is when I'm having hotel drama? I'm kinda still really shy and rather petite (4'11 curses!) so to some means easily walked over. Makes being the person booking hell on earth.
My mom was always really annoying and shit when I had to go to cons with her. I couldn't wander off on my own, couldn't go off and make friends with other cosplayers, she would complain if I wanted to watch an anime screening.
That's why I was more than ecstatic when she stopped being up my ass and letting me go to cons on my own.
Even better is when my grandma goes to cons. I'm an adult now (obviously) but I still go with her to AX due to the fact she gets a hotel room for me (and my friend) She's disabled, so I get to cut in a lot of panel lines because of her, she gives me extra money for merch constantly because I blow it all pretty quickly, and tends to stay out of the way when I start heading for cosplay gatherings and the dealer's hall.
My little brother is a semi-weebling, I'm trying to groom him into liking decent animes, but I don't think he'll be going to any cons besides SDCC (if we can get tickets this year)
Just be assertive, anon. I have parents like this too. I'm glad I live out of the house, but the school I go to is only a 3 hour drive away. Generally I just tell white lies like "I'm going on a trip with friends for x weekend" which is true, just won't say I'm cosplaying.
When they do find out (before or after the fact), I am usually just assertive about it. It's my time, my money, and my grades and life plan are still on track. I tell them I'm 21, an adult and they should treat me like one. I have already worked around my work and school schedules and what I do in my free time is up to me. I honestly just tell them I could be doing worse, like dropping out of school or getting into hard drugs so at least I'm doing something for my own mental relief that is fun and they don't need to hop on board but they do need to get off my back.
Your grandma sounds adorable.
I didn't start cosplaying until I was an adult. My dad thought con people were weirdos(mostly thanks to my closest friend at the time being a bitchy nutjob)
My mom was more receptive and even helped me with stuff like hemming my skirts. I think my dad loosened up once I met more decent friends and my husband thanks to the con scene.
Now I'm a mom with a kid of my own. It's fun dressing my son up but I'm trying to make sure I do it right. Dress him up in age appropriate costumes, keep his comfort in mind, make sure he's not annoying other con goers, etc.... We just did ALANsince it was so close to home. I'm hoping as he gets older he'll enjoy going to cons with us, but if not, then we'll just have cons be a thing for mom and dad to go too.
I went weeb pretty early on (first con & baby's first cosplay at 8 years old) so my parents had a lot of time to get used to it. I remember the first time my father took me to a convention he was complaining about what a bunch of freaks they were, but I was in costume too so he felt bad and stopped.
I got over the cosplay/anime scene at like 16 (I'm a little nostalgic though), but they still support me in whatever weird stuff I do (Lolita, art school, etc.)