Wtf does my friend work as? He tells everyone he is a broker.

He's a 'broker' who is selling investments through the phone as a telemarketer would, possibly in an illegal boiler room. It's not necessarily shady, as sales is a MASSIVE part of the financial world regardless of your role, but it very well could be, and your friend sounds like he sucks at it either way.

I was a financial advisor for two years. I did a lot of cold calling and door-to-door, and that was my bread and butter, but I also got to actually manage client accounts.