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My mum received a health diagnosis today that says she has irreversible lung damage - the outlook isn't good. Also the girl I asked out for valentine's day bailed on me with someone else. How was your day?
>>668861276 May as well start. I recently broke up with a girl, feels horrible. And it's my bad luck that my best friend is now dating her. I hate them both but I want to hate her less. Recently while cleaning out some junk I found a few old scraps she wrote on. They were these love letters she'd give to me in school before. After rereading them I just started crying and I felt horrible. So I thought destroying them would help. Burning it only made me feel worse... Idk what to do with myself at the moment.
Here goes nothing. So I'm just going to tell you. I love this girl more than anything. She makes me the happiest I've ever been. I dated her for a few months and then I left on my Mormon mission. She wrote me every week and we emailed and she sent me care packages and it was wonderful. When I got home after two years, she told me while I was gone she had fooled around with other guys but was done with it and now she wants to be with me again. I love her /b/ros but it's just hard to think about knowing that while she was writing me letters telling me how much she loved and missed me, she was also with other guys.
Please don't call me a cuck. I already feel like shit because I love her but I can't get over all of that.
A few years ago I met my current best friend on Omegle. I am in no means a popular person at all. Most of the people I meet no longer want anything to do with me after a week or 2. I'm not an asshole. I try my absolute best to be nice to everyone who deserves it. I'm happy when I make others happy. I also suffer from depression. One day I was depressed so I hopped on Omegle in hopes of finding someone who wasn't interested in sexting. When she came on she was spamming song lyrics. Didn't know the song but we started singing the pokemon theme song. Ended up adding her on AIM. Talk for a while. Start talking daily. A year later I fall in love with her. Confess my love to her and she tells me she's aromantic. It hurt like crazy but I got over it. Fast forward 2 years. Tells me there's someone else who has a crush on her. Makes me feel like shit. Talks about how attractive the person is because of ginger hair and freckles and stuff. Hurt fucking bad. She tells me she agreed to date someone. That someone being the person who has a crush on her. Fucking hurt like crazy. You've got no idea. Be into a state of constant depression from when she told me someone had a crush on her. Come out of depression a week or 2 ago. They've been broken up for a while. It's been a year and a half since it started. 2 or 3 years ago I ask if she wanted to be my valentine. Was more of a friend thing than a relationship thing. Ends up going on a rant about how she doesn't really do that kinda stuff. On call with her and mutual friend. Talking about sending each other valentines stuff. End up leaving the call and not talking to either till tomorrow. Not mad. Just feel empty as fuck.
>>668863061 You can love someone and still need someone else to relieve your sexual desires, anon. I understand completely where you're coming from. I'm sorry that it hurts. If you truly loved her, you'd give her the choice to stay or leave. Flat out tell her that it's up to her. If she stays, give her another chance and forget her past. If she leaves, then she wasn't worth it, anon.
>>668863061 If there wasn't any real committed relationship before then, then it's pretty much expected, dude. Give her a chance, and only one. You'll either be glad you did, or be validated in your original suspicion. Only thing to regret is not knowing
>>668862599 That really sucks dude, I hope your mom will be okay and don't worry about the girl, I've had a girl literally break up with me the morning after I asked her out and all I said was "Good morning"
>>668862599 I'm so sorry man. Is it from smoking? My mom is 50 and has been smoking for 30+years and nothing i say will convince her to stop and I fear for that exact reason. And forget about the girl man, just be glad you dodged a bullet. We'll be alone for valentine's day together.
I feel like I'm becoming a lazy slob. I gotta sign up for college, but I keep procrastinating. I hardly leave my room, and I can't even be bothered to clean up after myself. I stopped caring about life, and now I hardly even feel emotion. Just anger. So much potential, wasted on trash like me.
>>668862942 You should never hate the girl less than the guy, regardless of friend status. If you can move on and forgive and forget, great. If not, it's not a case of only forgiving one. Both of them betrayed you but you can get on in life without them. Good luck anon
>>668863081 Cont. She's the only person who didn't ditch me after I went to them needing to rant or help with my depression. Every time I tell someone I suffer from depression they go "oh I'll be here if you wanna talk!" and never reply again. I've had old friends reply a couple times but they just flat out no longer respond. I've learned to not be so open to people anymore. It just hurts that she says one thing to me and then turns around and is completely happy to do the same thing with someone else.
>>668862942 In a somewhat similar situation besides the best friend dating her part. You just have to remember the thoughts that lead you too want to break things off in the first place, if she was having the same type of thoughts about you I'm sure you'd want to know as well. sometimes we're just sad because we're alone for the moment in time
>>668863081 >>668863802 I hate to break it to you but it sounds like she's only keeping you around as a safety net when things don't work out. Unfortunately I'm not certain what to do in this case other than call her out on it and explain how the mixed messages etc make you feel.
>>668863380 Thanks bro. Nah she's never smoked, just has chronic asthma and a bunch of other lung/airway problems. It might seem bad, but maybe a health scare will set your mum straight and convince her more than anyone else ever could.
>>668863330 Thanks. That sucks about about the girl though, better to find someone worth your time.
>>668864011 That's really it. Honestly it's over between her and I and I regret it. But I want to get on with life and find someone new. I'm just tired of being alone, I miss doing the things she and I would do together.
>>668864103 She's told me there's no chance of us being together and says she sees me as a brother. She's not one to say that to just anyone and when she says it, she means it. We're really close. Also she's not one to need to be dating someone. She was almost 20 the first time she agreed to go out with someone and it didn't last long. Now she tells me she won't be dating someone for a long time. I've explained everything to her when it comes to my thoughts and stuff. She knows everything I think about her.
I want to get to know my brother but I have no idea what to talk about. Every response I get from him is about a word or two. He lives in Florida and I live in Missouri. He's lived there ever since I was 9, and we've never really had a good relationship. I feel like he's the only family member who would accept me as gay. I just don't know what to do; it's like I've never had a brother at all
>>668864469 I'm really sorry, anon but it really sounds like you're in denial here. She tells you she doesn't date and is aromantic then proceeds to date. In fact you have given multiple examples to the same effect.
>>668861276 Generally I'm a usually happy person. Deal with periodic bits of extreme depression. Literally just suicidal thoughts all day. Been under a lot of stress lately. Working overtime to put my ungrateful wife through college and give her a nice life. Came to a realization today that I don't experience genuine happiness anymore. I periodically remember what it was to be happy but that's about it.
>>668865530 OH YEAH?! WELL AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND MY TIME SUCKING DICKS IN THE BATHROOM AT OLIVE GARDEN, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LOWDOWN SLIMY FILTHY DISGUSTING GLUTTONOUS HOGLIKE MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING SON OF AN INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE SHEMALE RAPIST PROSTITUTE. GET YOUR MOM'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA SHIT UP YOUR ASS. STOP FOR A MOMENT AND REALLY GRASP THAT STATEMENT. I AM LITERALLY GOING TO SHIT UP YOUR ASS. I WILL TAKE MY PANTS OFF, RIP YOUR PANTS OFF, OUR SPHINCTERS WILL TOUCH, AND I WILL SHIT. YOU WILL TRY TO COUNTERSHIT, BUT MY SPHINCTER WILL OVERCOME, AND I WILL PUSH A LOG OF SHIT FROM MY ASS UP AND INTO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT SHALL OCCUR. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I WILL PISS IN A POT. I WILL ADD CORNSTARCH TO THE PISS AND BOIL IT UNTIL IT GETS REALLY THICK, LIKE SAUCE. I WILL POUR THE THICKENED PISS INTO A PLASTIC CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE UNTIL IT HARDENS INTO A FIRM JELLO. I WILL THEN CUT IT INTO RECTANGLES, BATTER IT IN A MIX OF MILK, FLOUR, AND EGGS, AND DEEP FRY IT AT 375 UNTIL GOLDEN BROWN, FLIPPING ONCE SINCE THEY FLOAT. AND I WILL SERVE YOU MY DEEP FRIED PISS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. COCKMUFFIN
posted quite a bit in the thread already, but i don't want it to die so here goes
>loved girl >girl claimed to love me >things went cool >she got drunk admitted to loving her ex all along >sad for quite a while because i never got closure on whether or not it was just alcohol talking >go to college >STUPID fucking course, worthless qualification >diagnosed with depression/anxiety/social anxiety >family thinks i'm either a piece of shit or perfectly fine >friends dont believe anything is wrong because i never want to be a downer >often cry myself to sleep
>>668865076 Not every girl is going to like or want to fuck you. Plenty of awesome girls out there.. all of you think you found some magical awesome girl when you've met one five billionth of girls on this planet. Don't be butthurt the next one you meet you'll like more.
>>668865872 cont. >used to get invited to things >dont anymore because everyone knows i wont or cant >havent left my house in about a month >father called me a parasite because of my diagnosis >spend most of my time with vidya trying to ignore the emptiness
>Be Friday night >Finish up at a society I run at my university >They all want to go to a nearby pub (it's open for 48 hours straight for some charity event) >Had to be up at 6am the next day for a conference >Also dependent on alcohol, so shouldn't have drank anyway. >Go there, get completely fucked up, friends leave early, I sit with some strangers >Generally act like a cunt all night, probably pissed off some of the bar staff. Acted like a twat in front of some people with mutual acquaintances >Obviously going to have repercussions in the future >Depression hasn't been that bad really (which is why I usually get so drunk), so can't even blame that >Only reason was because I'm an alcoholic who can't stop after just one drink. >Also missed my conference
My propensity to fuck everything up, even when I don't have any real issues never ceases to amaze me.
>>668866345 I feel you with the not leaving the house. I was invited to several parties but I'd rather not bring down the mood since I know I'd just be depressed at the party. Left the house like once or twice in the last 3 months. Can't find job and on uni holidays.
>>668866532 Yeah, it fucking sucks. I've been looking for jobs over 2 years since leaving college, not more than 20 or so replies and all of those being "no". Can't afford uni either. Quite literally a waste of space.
>>668866717 Uni in Australia isn't anywhere near as expensive as America. You pay it in post when you start working through a small % of your pay being taken out as extra tax to pay it back. Work flat out sucks. I had 1 job and it was paying $10 at a shitty family (not mine) owned fast food restaurant. McDonald's would pay someone my age like twice that. Other than that I've received nothing in replies
>>668865963 I'm gonna try to say this in this in this least cringey way possible while I am slightly drunk. Not even saying this is the situation in the pic but more towards what you said. Imagine you're someone who never gets that kind of attention. Imagine it's a girl you've never met irl. Imagine it's a girl that finally for whatever reason shows somewhat of an interest in you and the first time you meet that interest is completely gone. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone
>>668866472 Damn man. I'm really sorry. I wish I could think of something comforting to say. I've lost someone to cancer as well, a good friend. I think I just try to celebrate his life and positive influence on me rather than his death.
>>668864595 Damn that fucked me all the way up. I work with this girl that I like and I think she likes me and I might have a chance, but she's only been with one guy and he was some preppy kid and I was the shady kid everyone bought drugs from and I did alot of drugs at school. But I've been sober for 6 months and cleaning up my act. I'm just lonely af, I can't be around any of my close friends because they're all felons, (I'm doing a court order program and have a GPS ankle bracelet) I can only go to home and work. I dont know before I could deal with being lonely by drugs by now everyday it hurts more and more I just want a way out. I
>>668867126 Yeah Abbott kinda fucked us with the prices of uni/debt by pulling billions out of education and health care. Guy didn't know how to run shit. Pulling money out of education is only going to fuck the future generations. You cunt.
Is it wrong of me to feel like I never get anywhere with people when I vent to them or explain my problems because they sit there and try to tell me how to be better, how to get better or how to have a better outlook rather than just feeling with me? Just for once, when I vent to someone I want them to just feel with me instead of being my fucking life coach. I've heard it all before and I'm sick of fucking hearing it. I mean, I appreciate those who try to help, I love them to death. But just, I want someone to sit there and I guess sugar coat it, or coddle me for some reason. I don't know why.
>>668861276 >be me >22/m/UK >working dead end delivery driver job >40 hrs a week / 6 days a week >only girl i ever loved took my virginity and left me >match with some girl on tinder >literally no idea how to talk to her and she gets bored and leaves >maybe 200 swipes right and not even 1 match >im 6"2 140kg/22stone, brown hair blue eyes >all my real life friends are off doing good shit with their lives >im sat at home with a degree in psychological studies and bipolarism >ggnore?
>>668863061 You won't ever be truly happy with her until you can bring the relationship "power" back into balance. Right now, she has wayyyyy more, evidence she cheated on you and you're still into her. You need to be honest with her. Tell her you want to be with her, but it has to be on terms of equality. You don't want to cheat on her but you have to, for the sake of your long term happiness. But you don't want it to be dirty or sneaky. So it would be best if she just brought her girlfriend or sister over for a threesome.
Alright, here goes. >Be me >Be first-semester college freshman >Clinically depressed, borderline psychotic, general anxiety disorder, etc., never got treatment >Spend time between classes in my dorm sleeping, as isolated as I can get from the world >get tinder because hermit that couldn't speak to grills >Finally get a match that wants to hold a conversation >She seems pretty cool, also pretty fucked in the head >Fast forward a month >still talking to grill, havent met but feels have developed >Back at home visiting my two friends, smolking, chilling >Text from her, she's freaking out cause she fucked another guy >Find out she's fucked seven within the past three months >I'm too fucked up and lonely to drop it >Next few months, our relationship keeps getting more and more complicated >I fall in love with her but try to suppress it because I'm never sure if I should trust myself >She goes through phases of loving and not loving me >it's weird >I finally get meds and try to level myself out, focus on just being friends with her >get tinder again, find someone else, start actual relationship (ends after a month anyway) >she says she can't take not being the most important one in my life and that we have to stop talking >the fuck, but whatever we've taken breaks before >fast forward to now >I text her twice over the last month just to check up on her >last time she said she'd call the police if I contacted her again
tl;dr: fucked up anon falls in love with insane grill that suddenly stops talking to him and threatens to call the cops when he texts her twice in 30 days
My girlfriend recently told me that she wouldn't mind if I killed myself and that in fact it would be a relief. That she wouldn't have to deal with me. And it wasn't during an argument or anything. It was while we were just lying down talking.
The last (and only) time I had an actual girlfriend was in 7th grade, roughly 6-7 years ago. I lost her cause I was a horny motherfucker and I flirted around. I was a dumb ass plain and simple.
Ever since then, every girl I've ever liked or have fallen in love with has discarded me like trash. And thats only when they decide to talk to me or hang out in the first place. Usually all I get is a bunch of excuses. "Its my friends bday tonight sorry" "my dads business is having a party and I have to go" "Im suuuuper busy sorry anon"
I'm actually a very well liked person. I get along with everyone I meet, with only a few exceptions. Probably because I'm a good actor. I'm almost like a Ditto from Pokemon, taking the form of whoever I'm talking to, putting on a facade to fit in. I'm not a social butterfly or anything, but if I have to have to talk with someone, I'm usually good at keeping a conversation going. I've always been able to talk to girls and they seem to like me. I am an attractive guy after all. Working out with my military buddies helps with that. Even then, I'm never able to get close (romantically at least). I'm always the best friend or something to that extent.
I'm just tired of being alone. I have no one to count on, no one who I really truly trust. I have a lot of friends, but nobody who's a true friend. Being single doesn't help.
I'm not even sure if my rambling has a point. I'm not trying to blame the world or any of the girls for making me like I am. I'm not even blaming myself for it, even though I know a few issues that I have contribute to my problems. Its just good to get stuff off my chest every once in awhile. I guess an anonymoose cambodian ice sculpture club is good for something other than shitposting.
I just feel over everything. All the things that used to excite me have become nothing but a chore. Video games are monotonous. Music is just noise. Sometimes I'll start crying for no reason. I'll lie down on the floor and cry. I have severe anxiety and depression. I just feel alone now.
shit man, things are so fucked, she had BF, got them to break up, i slid in there, she lost intesest in me, i've been super sad lately, get home, read through our texts, get drunk, cry. Now shes into some faggot named Wyatt, im all alone now, I almost had my first valentines.. She says she will leave the little group i hang out in if i want, i told her it makes me sad when i see her. I said to her, when i see her, i get sad, but if she left, i would get sad. Things will never be the same, me and her will never be the friends we once were.
Now I sit here alone, again. She told me love will come to me one day, she told me I just have to wait. But.... I've been waiting for a long time, when I was with her, I felt love, but our time was too short.
I liked her brown hair that got blonde near the end. I liked that tank top she wore under that baggy shirt, I liked her short shorts. I liked the way she sat on my lap and leaned back against the table, I liked her eyes, and her smile. I like now how she can make me cry if I really think about her.
I miss her. Everything about her, the way she was, the way she acted. I was suppose to make her happy, unlike the guy she was with before, but I failed.
>>668868726 time never heals anon so don't try to live by that because it just makes you feel worse.
with me: I am sad about my grandma passing away a few years ago. Sure it isn't as big as a deal with you although since she passed, me and my cousins have not been close.
I miss the times when we were children and would play games together and all that kid stuff... now as we are older we never speak hardly - my mother has problems with her sister cos my aunt is being a bitch for some reason and so therefore we never get together anymore at christmas or any times..
Not only this but my brother hates me ever since we grew up. idk why he just curses under his breath when he sees me. I tried writing him a letter and he told my mom that he doesn't know how to talk to me (whatever that means).
I feel so lonely with myself. I've never had a girlfriend. Only had a couple friends cos I suck in social situations. My parents are good but that's not enough.
Who knows what I will be doing in the future because my life is hell shit right now.
Allright. >4 year long relationship just ended a week ago >Do nothing but drink, sleep and play videogames all week >was told that I was the reason for now ex' depression throughout 4 years >Been struggling to pull together school, job, and handle my rheumathism >completely emotionally broken >Seriously considered an heroing >Until mother came to see me and told me straight to my face that she cant stand the thought of ever losing me
Can't go on living, can't do this to my mother. Stuck in purgatory of apathy.
I fucked up things with my ex of 4 years, I desperately want them back but I don't think they will ever forgive or take me back. I've cried none stop since it happened. We met up a couple of nights ago and talked for ages, ended up kissing good bye, the next day we hung out at little and it was really nice. But since then it's be really cold between us, I just wish there was a way to get them back. I'm heart broken and it's my own fault. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again.
>>668869256 When my depression was the worst, I couldn't cry. I couldn't get angry or excited or happy, just sad or bland. Some weeks I wouldn't even eat. But it gets better, don't forget that. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but it does.
I think ima try to od on oxycodone because I'm so lonely and I've been sober for a while but its so hard of truly being alone, I mean I have nothin and nobody who really cares I wish that was an exaggeration. before drugs held it in but now its worse everyday. I think 50 roxies (1500mg oxycodone) and 25 xanax bars should do the trick. Somebody in my Narcotics anonymous said I don't want to die high, I instantly thought I don't want to die sober
Took some notes on my anxiety for my psychiatrist.
I can't get out of bed I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to bother them. I get nervous over asking simple questions. I second guess almost everything I say. I assume any compliment I receive is a lie. I worry what my friends think of me I worry excessively about my friends and family Some days I lose all motivation. Don't even want to do easy tasks such as playing video games or guitar in bed. I can't go out during the day because it's too busy and I worry about running into someone I don't like. I can't go out to the kitchen if someone else is there as I hate the feeling of being watched. I won't leave my room if there's someone in the washroom next to it. Pills made me less nervous while outside but made the depression a lot worse. I have extremely bad hand tremors at almost all times. People comment on it a lot. The last time I went to her house things were quiet and I haven't had the courage to ask her why. This was over a month ago...
Hey /b/ros. So mines not really sad, but idk where else to say this. >Moved in with friend (he's like a brother to me) >His girlfriend also lives with us >She is one of those who can't seem to be happy no matter what >Me and friend try to put up with it >He expresses his... distaste? for her constant stressed out attitude and what seems to be constant complaining >Whenever she is around I feel awkward as fuck due to feeling like she thinks I'm a problem >I don't want to confront her and stir up a shitstorm and neither does he though he has tried talking to her about it to no avail I just don't know how to feel about this or what to do.
Third year in university.. had a really bad last semester but decided to stick through it as i'm about to graduate.
Mom hadn't been doing too well; she had ovarian cancer for the last 3-4 months. Hadn't called her in a week and a half just because I had midterms and was busy with fraternity shit.
Got a call a few days ago that she had passed. Got a package in the mail yesterday of a card she sent me with a picture of her and me when I was younger. Broke the fuck down. I'm still shaking out of sadness.
Where do you guys think the best place to disappear completely from where I am now and become a rockstar is? I can afford the gas to get anywhere in the US. could use advice asap could be leaving tomorrow with nothing but my car, clothes, and guitar.
>>668870216 >>668870662 This song always reminds me of her, it explains our entire situation basically. I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life, I miss her so much, I was pretty sure she was the one. Or, she could have been the one, for atleast a good amount of time. We texted just a while ago, I asked her about the Wyatt guy. She said he wants to travel just like her, and that his smile is so "dreamy"
I... I dont even know what to say im just, just..
>heres the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXjt5WFPgc
anyone got the shitty simpsons comic of homer and lisa standing over bart's grave, and lisa says 'do you regret what you did dad?' and he says 'life is full of regrets, you just don't know how many until its over'
>>668870134 right with you man, used to think things in my life got better. Realized nothing got better i just got used to hating my life, it became normal. I dont seem to care anymore about anything or anyone.
>>668871327 I dont really believe in god, but if he exists than i think i would rather hang with the devil. God seems to play games, he gives me the mind to care for nothing but others, and yet i have no one else to care for.
>>668871205 There's a little belief I like to believe in. Kind of like karma
If you share your troubles which burden and weigh heavy on your soul, then you are not carrying it alone anymore. I carry the burden now, as does everyone who read as much as you were willing to share. You know what? I'm going to remember this tomorrow. And the day after. It might be a few days after that, but I will remember what you shared with me, and the pain I feel through your words. I carry the burden as well. I've been there, and I'm here now. Each time I remember what you went through, I'll send you my best wishes. There's no more painful way of saying this and pounding it into your head, but you just have to drop it. Move on. Nothing else is to be gained from this situation other than sadness and wisdom. So cmon buddy. Drop it, like a brick.
>>668861276 About a year ago I met a girl online when I was playing some vidya. We did well on our team so we grouped up and got on skype. We played every day for about a week, and we got to know each other pretty well. We started talking and skype with cameras and would spend hours and hours late into the nights just hanging out and having a good time. I was having a really hard time and said I needed a vacation. She laughed and, "Well why don't you come here and visit?" We both laughed and changed the subject. About a week later I looked up ticket prices for the greyhound bus. Should mention I live in california and she lives in north carolina. I asked her again about visiting kind of joking but we decided it was a good idea. I knew it was risky to travel across the country on a bus to visit someone I never met in person but I did it anyway. I stayed with her for about 2 months. During that time we spent almost every minute of every day together when she wasn't working and ended up sleeping together. Within about 3 weeks I knew I was in love. I ended up having to go home because I had to go back to work but I haven't stopped thinking about her since. We didn't talk much after I left and I found out she was married (she hid it pretty well. I never found any evidence of another person living there the whole time I was at her house.) Turns out he was in the military and he came home about a month after I left. I just got a message from her today asking how I was. We talked a bit more and I heard she's doing well and they moved into a new house and are trying to have a baby. I'm not trying to freak out about it too much but it the time I spent chatting with her and hanging out at her place was happiest time I've had since I was a kid. I just don't know how to feel right now as all the memories are coming back to me. Just felt like sharing.
>>668871205 Just remember you don't have to get over it right now. The pain will fade with time, but don't try to block it out. You'll just end up hurting yourself longer. And don't worry about what you're doing with your life. You need time for your grief, let yourself have that.
>>668868465 The personality mirroring shit might make you feel socially competent in the short term, but in the long term it probably makes your personality seem affected and superficial, and prevents people from connecting with you on any real level
I'm not trying to be harsh, I just see people falling into this trap constantly. Try dealing with people on a more genuine, personal level. The personal connection will come naturally or it won't. Trying to take shortcuts and force things isn't going to work, as you're finding out
>>668870794 >>668871267 I can't fucking stand it. Anywhere i go, any job, anything, i feel completely out of place. I can't fucking stand it. It's a burning fucking desire to do nothing but exactly what I want to do. The only time I feel anything other than crippling sadness is when I'm singing loud and terribly while playing guitar and/or driving. Fuck i wish you guys could come
>haven't talked to gf in a few days >haven't seen her in even longer >little by little she's become more distant, figured it was just those 4:00 am shifts of hers taking its toll >we finally make time to go for a walk in the park by my house >she's quiet for most of the walk but I don't really notice, I'm just too excited to see her >eventually find a park bench to sit on >"Anon, I'm worried about us"
Atleast she took me for a walk before putting me down
>>668871747 God doesn't play games my negus. As much as people think so. We play more games with him than he does with us. With our halfhearted beliefs and hypocrisy. God has never changed, he is constant. And shit bro..he loves you. Sent a part of himself to die for our first fuck up. That's saying that..Jesus dying on the cross wasn't enough for you..
>>668871884 There... Is literally no other girl like her.. She was perfect... She was perfect, she really was. She wants to travel up and down the coast of CA, she looks like one of those girls you would see at a beach. She is so beautiful. There will never be a girl like her. I cant cry, but im in so much paint right now, Im stuck, there will never, ever be a girl like her. Im almost shocked. I became so dependent on her, I need her. I would do anything for you. It hurts, it really does. Now that I've gotten done texting to her, now, Im here, talking with you. What im I doing with my life. I know I will never be able to get with her again, It hurts to type that out.
I cant accept it, but I know I cant do anything. Im trying to drop it like a brick, but its not working. I cant get her off my mind. And me and her werent even that long together, but I still... I just cant, I know I have to move on but...
I cant believe this.... Shes gone... And she will never come back around to me (Im pretty sure).. The way she was... She was the one... And there will never be another girl like her..
All these feels, they don't belong to you. Because you all deserve to be happy, It is better than be sad. Believe me, you will feel better, you don't have to feel. These feels will take control of your sanity, you don't have to. Throw away those feels, they don't belong inside you heart. Believe me Anons of this thread, you all deserve to be happy.
>>668863380 Buy your mom a nice vape, not one of those shitty gas station ones, one of the mod type ones. Then get her some 12 mg vape juice. I quit with just 6 mg vape juice and haven't touched a smoke in over a month. I'm pissed off tonight because when I was smoking at a hookah bar earlier BY MYSELF, minding my own god damn business, this girl I was sposed to bang a few weeks ago came up to me and said "happy Valentine's Day". I was just like "LIKE FUCK THATS GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN!"
>>668872617 Salvation is trouble for you? It's amazing. Since my life was changed, I've been happy. And not cause someone or something makes me happy. I just have this inner happiness. Its a feeling of completion. Also guilt is lifted..I have a feeling of belonging somewhere. Someone has my back up there. It's all very good. Sure I have given up certain things...but I've gained so much more in the process.
>>668872631 Believe me I've tried, even got her a kit. i also kicked smoking a few years back by vaping and I still do, but she doesn't like ecigs, doesn't feel the same for her. Same excuse i hear from a lot of people
At around 15 I fell into a pretty nasty drug habit never got too bad till I turned 18 and was graduating. DXM xanex weed acid shrooms coke. I was fucked. Surprisingly my last year in highschool was my absolute best time grade wise. Anyway after school was finally over I found that all the friends I had accumulated were simply not interested in being my friend anymore. I've always had anger issues not like normal anger like a fucking enraged hulk anger. And my parents never took me to get checked out for maybe medication or anything like that (anger runs in the family Anon!) and I was verbally abused and physically abused by my parents at an early age. Once I hit around 16 and I was big enough to fight back one time my father and me got into an argument and he went to hit me and I was so fucking livid I beat him fucking sensless and wasn't fucked with physically again can Cont if wanted
>>668871706 I feel like my life is like Job's. I feel like everything that was good about my life is falling out piece by piece. I know that I shouldn't let earthly problems upset me as much as they are, I think it shows that I'm struggling with idolizing. It feels like God is just giving me more than I can handle, just letting me suffer.
>>668872950 Ya if I made a dollar every time I heard that. Worked for me. Actually gave someone the remainder of the pack I had 3 days after I got my vape, because I hadn't touched the pack in those 3 days and someone asked me for a smoke. I tried a smoke after I started vape, and it didn't cut it. I was like "nope". I love the mod I have!
I suppose i'll start here. I posted a bit of this in a thread earlier today but i pulled out my dream diary and i thought i'd post it here.
A couple of years i tried to commit suicide by smoking my house out. I had two friends but we rarely talked. My dad barely approved of my hobby, which involved making small flash games, as a matter of fact he would just refer to it as "Sitting on my arse all day playing silly computer games" and my mother often ignored and fabricated her own stories. She never wanted to admit her own faults and dad was the same, but he only ever chose to believe what he wanted to believe. He states that girls like me should be socializing. Eventually i was diagnosed with minor depression as i never admitted to be sad all the time, it was only until spent almost 3 days locked up in my room did my parents take me to a doctor. My parents blamed my depression on me saying that i should've been doing more with my life. And then one day when they were out of town, i decided to empty all the fire starters and books in my house into a bucket and let myself pass out on my bed. I later woke up in the arms of a fireman in front of my neighbors house.
It's been two years but now i'm starting to have dreams of doing the same act. I live in my own house now and my life is back on track but i can't stop thinking about killing myself. I'm constantly having dreams about being a young girl being carried out of my house in the arms of a fireman, while slowly falling into a comfortable sleep as i'm slowly lowered onto the ground out front of my house. I want to get help but i don't want to go through therapy again and i don't want my new friends to know of my previous attempts at killing myself. Can anyone help me?
>>668873229 God doesn't create bad things for you. Every good and perfect gift comes from the creator. The enemy comes to steal kill and destroy. Jesus came so we'd not only live life...but live it abundantly. If you have problems with idolization, just cut it out of your life and spend some more time with God. He loves you bro. He'll give you the tools to overcome. We are more than conquerors it says in the word.
>>668872521 I had a crush on this girl once. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. We met when all our friends were hanging out, and I remember being stuffed into the backseat of the car, and apologizing to her because of the tight squeeze. She simply said "Oh that's okay" Unfortunately it would be a long time until I would be able to be with her, because she was one of my homie's girlfriiends, shit they had a kid together (almost). But we just talked like normal people do, and day by day, I slowly fell in love with her. Eventually the day came where they broke up. it was bound to happen. They just were bad for each other. The group split up, and I became the middle man, sometimes hanging with my homies, sometimes with her. She was the first girl I ever fell in love with. Her name was Pricilla. There will never be another like her. She is so sweet, so caring, so maternal in her love; shit in all her ways. We eventually began talking every day, and would talk and talk and talk on and on and on about things non existant and now that I look back, never to be. I became so dependent on her, when she wanted to cut ties with me I broke down in front of her. Tears, sobbing, and guilt tripping, the whole schmeal. Apparently I reminded her too much of her ex. Which is a fair argument, because the two of us were a lot alike, shit we were (and still are) homies. Even to this day, while writing this little sob story, tears well up in my eyes. My heart starts to beat a little harder, and I feel pain in my chest. But that's okay. Time heals everything, and she was my everything. I had to go out and find out for myself who I was, define myself by my own definition. The pain is horrible at first, I know...
Please trust me when I say I know EXACTLY what is happening to you write now.
But if you just buy for time, you will get through it. Look to support from your peers, or your family, or just watch videos and frequent /b/. I don't care, trust me, it gets better.
What makes me feel (besides my yearning for love) is honestly the state of the world and peoples differences. I realized that the few differences inherent to people pale in comparison to the many that are engineered. It makes me very sad to learn about all these differences like race, sexuality, abortion, rights etc... would be resolved if knowledge was not repressed. Guys "virtually" free energy exists and it would make me feel better to know if you guys looked up Randy Powell and Nassim Haramein and spent a few hours learning about the vaccum. We know everything we need to impliment a better future for this planet but there are groups that divide and conquer us. So make me feel better by learning about VORTEX BASED MATH
>>668872876 You're basing a solid ideology, an actual, literal belief, on a feeling. If that's what you have to tell yourself to make sense of this big, scary world, then by all means go ahead. Religion is an easy answer to hard questions and a coping mechanism. One that, frankly, I find disturbing. Especially the organized ones.
I don't want to antagonize anyone, but it seems like you're trying to turn a feels thread into a recruitment tent for your cult.
Just want to quickly let Anons know that shit gets better. Just two weeks ago my life was fucking hell, I broke up with my long-time girlfriend because I resented that she would try to tell me when to do drugs ect. So I ditched her and got into benzos and tried killing myself a bit after that. When that didn't work I smoked cannabis every fucking day until finally I decided to get sober. Simply limiting (if not cutting out entirely) drug and alc use can help a lot. I also have been going to the gym every fucking day, counting calories, making new positive friends, and going to school.
I suffer from major depression and anxiety. Ever since starting this life change things have been great.
tl;dr in order for your life to change you have to change what you're doing. I just got home from a strip club with the crew. Fuckin epic.
>>668874203 Literally found mine in AA. Not even a week ago. AA has been positive because it gave me people to call and kick it with. I reccomend at least trying it if you think you have a problem. Otherwise if you want other options meetup groups are rad.
>>668873926 Haha...well it says go into ALL the world. And 4chan counts as the world...one of the most darkest places too. The world is groaning for the Word of God...sometimes groanings sound like "I hate you" "Get away from me you religious zealot" "your beliefs are stupid and God is stupid" the people who resist the most, need the most love and compassion. It also says in Romans "all creation awaits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons and daughters of God." So sometimes..you have to take it upon yourself to not give two fucks what people think and do it anyway. And look..you really benefited from me stepping out in my own faith and me being obedient.
>>668874005 It's not a cult my friend. I guess I've seen/heard/experienced more things that I can only explain through my beliefs... I've seen my life with and without them. And trust me..I've tried to live without it. I tried to write away my feelings as merely "emotional response"...but it's real. It's so much easier to ignore it and say there is no God. I wish I could..it would make my life so much easier. But I just can't because..there's so much more to gain on this path verses a different one. I'm sorry you feel that way about it being a cult. A lot of Christians have been horrible and hypocritical..and I hate them for it cause they give the good ones a bad name. I try to prove people wrong about Christianity. It's not all about rules and regulation. There's so much more to it.
>>668874708 I just quoted in a former post that the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy. God didn't take away your sister. Only good and perfect gifts come from God. God's motive is always of love, no matter what you think or what you've heard from people. To know God's true nature is to know love. For he is love. He wouldn't take any precious person away from you. He's not cruel.
Yea, sure enough, shit is hard. When the bad feelings are allowed to flourish, they overwhelm you and then... You can't even trust yourself. You think things which you shouldn't be thinking, and feel guilty for thinking those things. Don't let those bad feelings flourish. Fall asleep, and when you wake up, if you still feel bad, keep yourself busy. Until you feel something good. Then concentrate on that good feeling. Allow it to flourish. Do things which bring up those good feelings, positive vibes. This is literally fighting good with bad, and buying for time until you feel that the good can fight for it's own. Then all those bad things... Just drop it. Like a fucking brick. You'll never have done a better thing for yourself in your entire life.
>>668861276 cant get over my ex after 4 months. its valentines, i feel sad as fuck. she is happy and probably with another guy, she doenst love me anymore and she doesnt want to see me or some stuff. no motivation, zero. abandon sport and lost exams session at uni.
>>668866207 Never become too attached to anything. Think about it the majority of lifes woes and sadness comes from loss. And you never appreaciate the thing untill youve lost it. You can avoid the pain by taking in things you love with the grain of salt that they may go anytime.
>>668876390 Sure friend, eventually the reason I stopped using any drugs (I slip and smoke weed and drink casually still) was that I eventually was so fucking depressed , no friends and the friends I did have were moved on to heroin. I would sit in my parents house and smoke and do any drug I had at the time to an extreme and considered an hero but backed out and had some sort of awakening I'm not religious but in that moment I felt like I had purpose. Maybe I'm here for a reason maybe I'm not but I won't squander my current opportunity of happiness and education. (Currently clean and about to start college)
I do struggle with things. Often sometimes I think I've been given too big of a task to complete. Not that it isn't within my ability...sometimes I struggle with perseverance to see it through. And also there are certain rules to this whole thing. I could just ignore them and continue on..but in the end it's for my own benefit. Can't be a lukewarm Christian. My dating pool is very small..people look at you different once you express your beliefs. I'm not a religious bigot...but idk.
I can't exactly date someone who's different. It dulls everything..or I'd end up fighting with them about it. And I'm just at this place where I can't afford to do that anymore. Besides I think there's someone out there who will build shit with me and want the same things. It's just hard some days..but the bigger picture is worth it. It does get lonely sometimes tho.
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