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>Why am I so angry all the time? I'm either filled with complete contempt and hatred for everyone around me or I'm completely empty.
Sometimes I test people just so I don't get hurt - and it works because I'm the one to walk away rather than being made a fool of.
I've always thought my ideal world is one where I'm all along because I'm always loneliest surrounded by people. They always seem to care about each other; the people I care about though never seem to care about me and I'm never able to care about the people who do care about me.
It's not that I want to die, I just fail to see the point of working so hard to stay alive and build something when the end result is ultimately the same.
>>667994700 just do yourself 1 favor anon, don't take your anger out on people on the internet. A lot of people here already hate their lives, specially on 4chan. It just makes people more and more bitter
>>667994700 We build to make history We build to create a future We build to change the course of mankind forever Be it our impact is small Be it our impact is large We decide the fate of mankind with how we live our lives And I will change the world No matter how much shit I go through That's why I choose to live And not merely exist
Everything is going really well for everyone I care about, except me. Sometimes I suspect that it's like a portrait of Dorian Grey situation, and things will continue to go well for the others as long as I stay miserable.
It's a weird theory, I know, but I'm scared to test it by trying to become happy. I'm alone and I drink way too much. I'm not even sure how I would go about changing that anyway. There's nothing really wrong with me, but no girl has ever stuck around yet. I dunno why.
>>667995697 Interesting reference to Dorian Grey. Do you feel like when you're doing well bad things happen to others? Drinking too much sucks, but I can't give you shit for it because I do the same. Could be better, could be worse. Getting charged with assault for throwing a dude out of my house.
Once upon a time, there was a young monk. This monk studied and practiced martial arts, and enjoyed it so. The monk was hiking through a forest, and eventually found a mountain. Upon reaching the top of the mountain, he found a bracelet. He put it on. The bracelet made it so he could only do 80% as well as he could without the bracelet on, but the bracelet would bring him pleasure, despite the lasting permanent effects it has on his mind. The monk continued to study and practice with the bracelet on, and noticed how it made him weak, even though he still performed a lot higher than his fellow monks. He would even do well despite how the bracelet caused him to sit still doing nothing productive while it left him in pleasure. Many rises and falls of the moon had past, and the monk had contemplated and meditated on the subject of the bracelet and his life. The monk came to the conclusion that he valued mastery and knowledge of martial arts more highly than he did pleasure. The monk realized that he would forever be further away from his goals with martial arts because of the bracelet. Though he struggled, the monk was able to cast the bracelet into a volcano so that it may corrupt him no longer. The monk then shed a bittersweet tear, the monk knew that he could continue strongly on the martial arts journey he had decided for his life, though he also knew that he would forever be less of a man than he would've been if he were to never have discovered the bracelet. The monk stored his story in the archives so that all monks after him may be enlightened, and not make similar mistakes to those that he had made.
I went outside today. Not a strange thing, really. I go out all the time. Only today, I felt alone. In that great vast sea of people, within a multitude of humanity, I felt alone. I felt like there really wasn't a point. I went to the city and I just wandered. I felt like there was nothing I could do, at all. I just walked, then caught the bus home, and still felt empty. This world is terrible not because it is cruel or corrupt, but because it will only accept you if you are able to integrate yourself with other people or pretend that they don't disgust you for having no ambition whatsoever. I used to be able to pretend, but these days I find myself drifting further and further away, because as much as my rage fed me and kept me awake, it's starting to burn down to ash, and all that I am is consumed by the constant pressure of lying to stay happy. I don't want to lie anymore. I want to rage out, punch every single ugly and idiotic person in the face, make them cry and apologize for being who they are. But I won't, because that's not who I pretend I am. And it never will be.
>>667996498 I think about it daily, trust me. But I don't have the faintest clue why she'd want to. And I'm in college yet have never had a real GF so I don't even know what I'd do either. But I know I want her in my life
>>667996566 We had a class together last semester, since January we've had different schedules (class when she's out, out when she has class etc) so now we just text and snapchat eachother. We're not like best friends or anything so the friendship part isn't really a problem imo.
As for the last part, yes that's what I'm most terrified of.
>>667996777 well that's good to hear. it's always really frustrating when people get attacked by the justice system when they've done nothing wrong. I doubt it, but it's a possibility. I just don't want to disappoint anyone who's helped me along the way.
I am tired of everything in my life, or nearly. I'm tired of being alone and no one understanding me. I wish the general public would disappear. I don't have enough meaningful connections with other people for things to be worth while right now. On lexapro and zopiclone and need to switch, because my sleep is crap and I've been off work and feel like I'm wasting my life and I'm not sure how much I care
>>667996738 listen buddy, i had a crush on this chick for 3 years straight, i saw her every morning and afternoon and i fucking adored her, i never told her how i felt and when she left my life forever i felt suicidal as all shit. but then i started to look back and notice all the subtle hints, all the times i wanted to say something but didn't and how forgiving she was, but that was a while ago, since then i am a depressed little shit who has no joy in doing anything, for me anon, please don't waste your oppertunity, worst case scenario she says no
>>667996738 The worst she can do is say no man, just make sure to ask her in a way that doesn't also push her away from being her firend. Don't act entitled, and don't believe that she has to date you. Just ask, and if she says no, accept it and be glad that she's your friend, and then just enjoy the time you spend together. Hell, if she says no, you can still probably work towards being at that level with her. Sometimes, love isn't an instant thing, but it is a crop reaped from the seeds of friendship.
How bad is your life that drinking is the only way to cope? I'm trying to quit myself, not going to well, lol. But at least I'm holding down a job for now (I think).
Him and his girlfriend were visiting. His gf got whitegirl wasted and said I had tried to sleep with her. And this is BULLSHIT. She tried to sleep with me, and I turned her down because her diseased pussy would probably melt a condom off my dick.
Anyway, dumbass got pissed off and sucker-headbutted me. Not a sucker punch, a sucker headbutt. At the end of it, I threw him out.
Then this morning, I felt like shit (because headbutted) so I phoned in sick to work. About an hour later the cops knock on the door and haul me away. Spent all day in jail, found out I'm being charged with assault.
I don't want to go into too much detail about this, but here's the short of it: my little sister is fucked up mentally, major depression and all that. We found out recently that a friend of the family molested her when we were kids. She doesn't remember anything specific, but I know something happened to her. Went to a therapist to try and talk through the anger, it made things worse. I try not to think about it anymore, but I'm still so fucking angry.
>>667996139 Live to please your senses You won't please your senses doing shit all And you'll live a dull life That's all life is, pleasing your senses So go outside, call a friend and play some basketball. Smoke a spliff together and go on adventures. Explore the earth, do things outside your comfort zone. Do whatever the fuck you want. You're going to turn into dust one day, so what the fuck does it matter. If life's as pointless as you think it is, why give a shit at all. It's pointless after all. There is no purpose to life. You can literally do whatever the fuck you want. The only punishment is a restriction on sensory pleasure. Take your line of thinking, and flip it upside down. You can do whatever the fuck you want; life is pointless after all.
>>667996873 I'm not thinking about doing something bad. I never would. I volunteer with youth organizations, I help people around me, but afterwards I just have these periods where I just feel hollow. After that, I just feel anger for a while. When I see someone who's just coasting through life, or is only alive because of human leniency and not by merit of their own effort, I just feel pure anger towards them. I honestly don't know why I feel alienated, but it's likely due to the fact that I tend to stop talking to people over time, and the end result is that I really don't relate with anyone at all, and I just feel so alone and small.
Thank you guys, I definitely don't want to look back on this with regret. I used to be much more socially anxious and awkward in high school so I'm still trying to adjust to being "normal." What do you guys think a normal friend date is? I told her if she ever wanted to get some coffee to hmu sometime but looking back I think that was WAY too passive. She basically just replied "that sounds good, I'll let you know :)"
Coffee still maybe a good idea?
Also she sent me a bikini pic today on snapchat when she was at the beach. I almost died.
>been studying at the same community school for 3 years now to get my college-level graduation degrees i guess youd call it in english >start slowing down horribly and loosing motivation through the autumn term that just passed >feel like ive been at the same place too long without a longer break to enjoy myself >spring term come im notified that due to not studying up to 100% i will no longer receive loan that i need to pay rent >decide to take a break, drop out and return to finish my last studies later this year >been getting help to pay rent from parents since december, now theyre starting to not be able to afford helping >wanted to take a break and get a job while i wait >feels like ive become more and more antisocial like i was years ago, cant hang out with best friend group because theyre busy with studies >cant hang out with fwb i had since october either because she lost interest or smth >friend who i live with doesnt socialize alot and just shuts himself in his room all day when he comes back from work >starting to not give a crap and not want to find a job anymore due to all that, plus the fact that since i havent gotten my degrees yet there are literally 0 jobs left Been stressed out, feeling horrible worrying as fuck over maybe not being able to keep my own apartment anymore Wat is there to do? One option is to move back with my mom, but then its goodbye privacy which ive valued so fucking much since moving into my own apt a year ago... but then i wouldnt have to worry about anything in the world - but would also 100% probably loose all socializing i have left now due to her living in buttfuck middle of wanbabe Syria ghetto part of city (welcome to sweden)
>>667996941 sounds like the worst thing ever and probably the last thing you want to do, but try working out and doing runs in the park and shit, maybe one day you'll be able to become good friends with someone you meet doing it, this is the only real advice i can think of as your story doesn't sound easily fixed
18, still a virgin, above average looking and still cant get a grill. any advice? i can get to the hanging out stage and getting the number but i dont know when to kiss her and escalate it on the date....
also have generalized anxiety disorder and be crippled by panic attacks. love life
Well, that's the shit end of he stick for sure. Sorry to hear it.
My life isn't bad. I'm in school for something cool, and I have no issues being social or talking to people. I just haven't made any friends since I moved to a new town and I keep missing classes due to being hungover or otherwise sick from drinking. The worst part is just feeling alone all the time, I'd rather be drunk than feel that way. It gets on top off me pretty often, though, since I'm a true blue alcoholic.
Oh, and I got dumped a couple of weeks ago. I didn't do anything wrong, it was just bad timing for the two of us. I just have shit luck.
>>667997494 sounds like a great start to a wonderful week /s. i'm currently going to a community college, just taking courses that I would need if i moved up to an actual university. i'm looking at computer science, but that may be shooting to high.
This makes my dad switch flip on, and made me angry too. I don't even have kids, I think I just feel more protective of kids as I get older. Be supportive of her, anon. Depression is a hell of a thing to go through.
>was molested and beaten as a kid, locked in cages and shit >this shit was done by my only friend growing up >no grills except for one in another country, we acknowledge we can't really be a couple >social anxiety and depression. Sometimes derealization I really wish I had the chance to get over this shit, or even just to die
>>667997757 Try not to concentrate on bringing it up. Wait until you both hang out again, which seems like a thing that'll happen, and try to convey how you feel about her, and be honest without being ridiculous. Girls like confidence without arrogance, masculinity without being overbearing or being douchey. But at the same time, make sure that if she decides to day you, it's you she's dating, not someone you're pretending to be, because that shit'll fall in on you faster than you know.
Seems like you have a chance, man, that should be enough to make anyone happy. Good luck!
>>667997562 well, you're welcome to us, it's very fun, easy to use and so on! I would recommend trying it at some point
>>667997586 Don't fret too much anon. I may've lost mine at 16, but honestly, I wish I hadn't. I believe that sex is something you should treasure with the right person. don't worry anon you will find that right grill. Don't rush or force it, that will make you even more sad.
>>667997899 If you're doing that much for your wife, you're already off to a good start dude! I want to be a dad some day, but I know im not mentally ready. I mean hell man, it's an infant, life is going to be hell, but it will be rewarding in the end!
>>667997586 ok, now it really depends on the girl you're with how you handle the date, i used to be with a chick and we did everything pretty fast, but we would always make sure the other was comfortable with it first, of course i didnt say stuff like 'is it ok if i lay on your boobs' when we were watching movies and shit, but we'd always tell each other what we regreted doing on the date and stuff afterward, for example i remember saying "i didnt know whether to go in for the kiss or not at the movies" and she replied "neither did i XD, i was kinda hoping though" and that set me up for kissing pretty much all the time, unless she wasn't in the mood
but then again, she left me for some alpha dickhead who cheated on her so i ain't one to talk
>>667997899 Man, you can do this shit. That lil' baby is yours, and your wife needs to rest so that she can help it as much as she can, and you're the only one who can let her sleep right now. You are, at the same time, making sure that your baby is safe and preserving the happiness of your wife. You do a more noble deed than many men ever will in their lifetime. If that doesn't give you courage and strength, get a coffee with a drop of whiskey.
Thanks anons... This is the first night home with my baby and it is very hard. I knew it was going to be tough, but when you are in the thick of it, it's so overwhelming. He's been feeding every hour almost all day, but finally sleeping in my arms.
Yeah, booze has been dragging me down for a long time. I could make an attempt to quit again, but the alternative is being sober all the time, and that scares the shit out of me. Plus I'm a thirty years old alchy living off of student loans. It's hard to feel confident meeting someone new.
I think you'll be okay, too, bro, especially if he threw the first punch (or headbutt, whatever). All you can do about work is show up and be reliable from now on. Either they let it go or you get fired, stressing about it isn't gonna change the outcome.
>>667994136 Ive been with my gf for about 4 years. For the last 8 months shes been dealing with alcoholism. I also am an alcoholic, but a very very high functioning one who doesnt make bad choices, only drinks to being buzzed, and its never made me act or do something I later regret. She has stolen from me, lied to me, stolen my car (while drunk) and performed a hit and run in that car (Hit a car not a person). She refuses to join a program and yells and screams even when sober if I mention it. If I mention breaking up she A.)Has no friends or family to move in with B.) Threatens to kill herself and C.) Im afraid of what she would do, to herself, me, or my possessions. I love her and we were a great couple until this happened. I have tried my best to stay with her and work through this but when she drinks she turns into a completely horrible human being, threatening, yelling, screaming, making things up, and I am afraid there is no limit to what she would be willing to do.
Sometimes, as far as I have come in my life, I feel like it just ends in a big circle.
>>667998492 but, are you finally happy you're a dad? Cherish it dude. You don't have as long as you think. before you know it, you're going to be sending him off to school, helping him with a science project, then watching him take his first GF out and then going off to college and before you know it, you and your wife are going to watch him go out that door as you try your best to hold back those fatherly tears.
>>667998411 Thanks anon. My mother never wanted children... I was doomed from the start to ever be good enough from her. She was violently cruel to me throughout my childhood and teenage years until I finally escaped. My dad is too terrorized by her to contact me. I have wider family but not in this country.
I moved to Australia. Had a rough start here, fired from job for reasons I thought were unfair (personality clash, insubordination), hence lost the few friends I had made there. Joined soccer club but haven't really felt welcome as a newcomer unfortunately. Broke up with my girlfriend back in October last year, thought I would be over it by now but it still hurts a lot.
Was seeing a girl for a while but she would ignore me for weeks at a time until she got horny. Finally deleted her number.
>>667994136 I'm scared /b/. It started just last year. I suddenly realised that when alone, I can't really bring myself to feel anything. Most of the time, I just emulate emotions around people. Also, I tend to value my time less than other people's time. I find that I do so little anyhow, so it matters more that I don't bother anybody else than that I feel comfortable and secure. I guess that comes from my natural willingness to please, to not be a problem, to help. Most of all, I've long since given up on taking myself seriously. I make myself the butt of all jokes, because I don't feel the pain and thus I can use myself to make others happy; it distracts to know that at least, they don't feel what I feel.
>>667998755 Oh, I'm very excited!! But I still can't believe this little life is in my hands. My wife has been so good and I want to live be up to being the best dad I can be. I just get so anxious and tired. This helps though.
I posted this awhile ago but my dad had a heart attack back in 2012. He's been a piece of shit at all times ever since. I can share a few stories in detail but cops have been called twice and I have to keep calm with him or else I may go to jail. Because he's perfect and I have anger problems. Anyone interested in a green text or two?
Starting to think I'm not going to be with my partner for very long.
>6 years in >he's working all day >I've been fired recently >we have hardly anything in common >I'm a gamer he's not >he's into sci-fi I'm not >looks like we are going to be fucked for money >he smokes weed every day >both want to move but unable >he's head over heels in love with me >I'm starting to not feel it so much
I dunno what I want... I want to be with him but I've got no encouragement from anyone, my parents don't like him, his parents don't like me, he's in a dead end job and I'm still trying to find one. No sex either really which also sucks.
>>667998997 Ive thought about it, and I dont know if I havent gone because im too exhausted all the time or if thats just an excuse im making. I mean, I am exhausted all the time, I have a job that works me to death due to us being shortstaffed (I love it but having to do 3 other peoples job on top of mine sucks) and barely sleep due to the issues with the gf and other things I have going on right now (pinched nerve causing pain that wakes me up). When i was like 18 I had gone to a few meetings of al-anon and it felt weird. It was a lot of talking and somehow felt religious even if it wasnt specific..
>>667998877 The thing is, I know you are right. I just have been with her for so long, and the person she has been isnt who she was for almost 3 years prior to this issue. I want so badly to find out what caused this and is making her make these choices, and to fix it so I can have my life with her, the girl I fell in love with, back. Now, im afraid to break up with her, for numerous reasons. Ive had some bad relationships in the past, the girl before her I dated broke a cup and stabbed me in the throat with the broken half of the ceramic mug when I finally ended it with her, and that might be playing a part in it. I lost a lot of friends that were mutual because they all blamed me as the guy and listened to her sob story even with a healing slash on my neck and police showing up and taking HER away, because im the guy and shes just a poor girl. Friends i had since I was like 18 and I thought were real friends. I dont know man..
>>667997899 Are you me? I'm literally doing the same thing. I'm staying awake to make sure our daughter doesn't wake my wife up. She recently became the one working and did so not only for herself, but so I could focus on my writing career. I don't deserve my wife.
Also, have you tried talking to him about this? Sometimes a relationship can stagnate because neither people are willing to air out their quiet discontentments. If that doesn't work, it was likely doomed for quite sometime, and it's time to leave it where it is and move on with your life without that weight dragging you down. You have greatness within you, we all do, but it can really be difficult to actually get to where you want to be whilst you're being broken by a sour relationship.
You can go far, and you'll be fine, so worry a little less and get on with your life!
>January 2015 >Not in a good mood >Dad's been yelling more often >I gotta call someone I guess >I'll see them tomorrow I'll talk to them then >Dad flips out >Starts talking shit because I don't wanna call them because I'll see them tomorrow >Mom tries to get my dad to calm down >Dad tells her to shut the fuck up, and calls her a bitch >Fuckthat.gif >Get up and scream in his face to not talk to her like that >He winds up to hit me >Mom jumps in between us >She has to use her full weight and all her adrenaline to hold me down >Was gonna kill him >Dad said he'd fuck me up >I told him to come at me motherfucker >cops got called >I got blamed >Still in anger management
People change, which really sucks, she might be bored, she might hate herself, she might hate you. Try to sit her down and talk to her about it, if she tries to come up with an excuse tell her to do it for you. Video taping it might be a good move to so that you can avoid the later situation (which btw sucks fucking ass). You know who your true friends are after shit like that goes down. See if you can get her back but be ready for if it doesn't happen.
>>667998846 I pretty much gotten burned out after studying at the same place for 3 years, yeah. Its a wonderful place with wonderful people, and ive had most life experiences there i never had as a teenager - and ive never realized myself as a person before as much as i have during this time
Ive been in a huge depression about a year and a half back when my gf left me for her own selfish reasons, i almost ended up in this situation then aswell but managed to pull myself together in the last moment and kept going strong.
But basically im afraid ill go into a deep depression again if i move back to my mom. Used to be a shut in before, so the friends ive made in this school have helped me in actually going out and made me realize who i am as a perso, which has turned into a big part of my life
I just dont want to return to that antisocial shut in who parasites off of his parents again. This is the same pattern that did that to me 4 years ago thats repeating itself
>Some time in 2014 >Dad being a dick >Lose it >Scream at him >He wants to fight me >I get up and grab a pool cue and I use every ounce of strength not to crack him in the head >I blank out >Wake up outside >Guess I just went wide eyed, dropped the pool cue and wondered outside like a zombie >Literally lost consciousness from anger >First warning
>>667996941 How old are you? (Not saying my input will help at all, or is even applicable) but give the online dating scene a try. It'll be hard, there will be heartless rejection for what seems like months ( or in my case there was). People will seem just the same as offline and sometimes even more heartless (since they can't be judged by the public). But eventually you will find a person, a group, or some attachment which will help you feel welcome to this harsh world. I can't guarantee you any results, but it worked for me so I want to try to spread the joy I've found to anyone I can.
We've broken up once before because he was just smoking weed day in day out not even touching me or talking to me par getting a drink of water which happened to mean passing me. He got me back because he changed a bit and I appreciate that but now I just worry nothing is going to change, I'm going to be in the same place in another year... We've talked about this before but I dunno what's going to happen if I do leave, keeping in mind we live together and I've got no where to live if I do leave (I don't want to be in the same house again if we do break up)
>>667999750 >>667999750 My Daughter's name is Ava, and she's almost two months old. I recently got married to my wife actually, even though it had only been eight months. When we first met we fell head over heals for each other. After about a week later she realized she was pregnant. She was raped by her previous boyfriend. I had two options- either run or stay. I almost did break things off, but couldn't do it. She mattered too much to me. I couldn't be any happier than I am now.
I won't green text this but I've kept my cool around him since the incident in January. He's been a nigger ever since though, always finding a way to piss me off. He knows I can't do anything about it. I got dreams of being a police officer and trying to make a difference. I wanna prove that not all cops are bad. But that'll be ruined if I go to jail.
>>668000141 Thats insanely amazing of you. How do you feel that it isnt your child youre fathering? Most people would probably run unless theres talk of abortion - I imagine she is beyond grateful of you and value you as much as she humanly can then
When I was a kid, I had a best friend. Diana. The best anyone could ever ask for. It's dumb luck that we found each other, really. Our mom's were two friends from high school who made the same mistake a few months apart, so we really had no choice in the matter. For those early years, we enjoyed the happiness that only the innocence of childhood can bring. After years of focusing on raising her kid, mom started dating again. I didn't really get why her boyfriend would sometimes hurt us, but talking to Diana, I learned that her dad was like that too, so maybe that's just what dads are like. We spent all the time we could together, up through the 4th grade when her family moved half way across the country. Luck held out for us again though, because we were growing up in the height of online instant messengers. We couldn't see each other every day any more, but we could spend so many nights hiding away, talking to each other while the whole world had its volume turned down for a while. Sometimes our parents even forgot we were there. Those were good nights. Over the years, her dad got worse, while my mom's succession of shitty boyfriends varied. Mom started hitting me too. I guess that was the only way she could deal with what had been done to her. This pattern continued with us acting as each other's diaries through so many important years, laughing together through the awkwardness of puberty. That all changed one night shortly after my sixteenth birthday. I don't know if it was harder than normal, or if enough was enough. Either way, as I was laying crumpled at the bottom of the stairs, something broke in me, and instead of trying to go away inside my head, I came up swinging. I lost that fight, but it was one of the most satisfying experiences of my entire life. Suddenly those same police who had happily looked the other way for my entire life were interested. I spent the next year in juvy. When I got out, Diana was ecstatic to hear from me. (Cont.)
>>668000051 Can you move in with your parents or a friend? Look for options, you might be surprised. Your life will only move forward if you can move forward with it. It seems like he's let weed take over his life, and if he doesn't have any motivation to go further in life that's no reason for you to be chained down with him. Evaluate whether you still love him enough to stay with him or not. IF you don't, you have to leave him, otherwise you'll just feel worse and worse every day. You need to do this for you, because you are your first priority in your life. You can do it, I know you can. You just need to have the courage to take the first step to making your life better for you. Trust and believe in yourself and own your own life!
>>668000141 I'm so happy for you! A lesser man would have fled... I've been with my wife since high school and this is our first child. It took me forever to feel like I was ready and now that he's here, I feel like like I'll never be ready. Thanks for chatting and helping me stay awake.
Parents don't live in the same state and I have a lot of shit in the house and don't really have any friends sadly, anyone that I moved in with would have to support me for housing and food until I got my shit together...
He's done a lot for me, I don't even mind the weed so much it just means that he can't drive and he's spending a decent $100 a week that could be spent on us simply on him ($100 is being very low for his usual amount)but that being said he already works so hard to support me
>>668000512 I feel the same way too. I'm still learning how to be a dad, and it's kind of pathetic how bad I am at it sometimes. I worry constantly that she won't love me because I'm not her real father. My wife assures me that won't be the case. And it's no problem! We're helping each other out!
>>668000284 Im not entirely sure how to break the cycle, no. I suspect that due to going from antisocial, to wanting to experience the world, thats what i need, and ultimately want. Move around the country (Sweden) every time i change type of studying, and meet completely new people in completely new places without. Adventure.
I was planning on taking up animal care distance-studies next March, but postponed it because i still need two more terms to get my basic college level degrees from my current school
Thing is im just trying to find out in what way i can hold out until the time for that comes, there are no options for doing that until im done at this school, plus i have no money for that sortof stuff.
But ultimately i would love above all to settle down in a completely new area of the country when i know i can do that and be self sustaining
>>668000630 You'd be surprised how happy people are to help. If you feel as though you'd be a burden, do what you can around their house should you move in. Hell, ask your parents about possible help finding a job, or one of your friends. Save up money, and become self-sufficient, then find a person who deserves you and makes you happy, instead of laying around getting high rather than simply enjoying being with you. I know it seems hard, and that you feel like you have reached a point in your life in front of a wall with absolutely no way to go forward, but it is never as bad as it seems. Hell, try exercising if you feel depressed, it's surprisingly empowering and it can really help how you look at the world. I, for one, unconditionally believe in you. You got this! Make life your bitch.
>>668000669 Well thank you, because I could certainly use one about now. In all seriousness though, I actually love watching my daughter. Even if I'm not the greatest at it, I still get to spend time with her and time on my writing. My wife assures me that I'll make writing into something one day. I've had small success, but nothing major.
>>668000731 Hey, I'm adopted and I love my adoptive parents as if they were my real ones. If you continue being an awesome husband and dad, I'm sure she'll love you for it! My main concern now is just keeping this little boy healthy for his first days of life. I'm so anxious about his well being and that of my wife.
>>668001048 Take pride in what you have achieved and look forward to what you have yet to achieve. You're now one of the most important people ever in the eyes of a person, so you gotta be amazing. But hell, seems you already are. Be who you are, and only change for the better, and you can only succeed!
>>668001049 I'm the same way with my daughter. I don't think that feeling of worry ever really goes away. Even when I'm in the living room writing, I check in her room to see if she's still alright, just like I check up on my wife.
>>668001177 I believe it. She has a way of motivating me like no one else.
>>668001263 Again, thank you. I've been doing a hell of a lot of changing these past few years. I certainly hope all of the changes have been for the better.
>>668000388 She had been worried out of her mind, calling me every day with no answer. After the first couple weeks, she slowed down, but always felt that dull ache of something missing. We became as close as we had ever been. Suddenly escape and independence weren't such a far off dream. We weren't so delusional as to try to wait for each other, but we both knew a side of each other that even those closest to us would never see. Those last couple years dragged, but eventually, we had the money, I had a job lined up, we had spoken to a land lord, everything was set. We were going to run away and never look back. Seeing her at the airport was the happiest moment in my life. The first time we kissed, I felt at peace with the world for the first time in my memory. All the anger and darkness that had filled my thoughts since being locked up blinked away, and as long as my hand held hers, nothing else mattered. When we got to "our" apartment and the landlord told us he had gotten a better offer, and had been meaning to call us, I thought it was a bad joke. I couldn't believe that something like that could be real. But it was. We spent three blissful weeks together before I flew home to move in with a friend, and she returned to her parents. We tried to keep everything together. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. The joy I felt from talking to her was covered up in regret at trusting someone, and thoughts of what could have been. One night, months later, I was drinking with my friends, trying to get my mind off of things. My phone rang, and I saw her name. I was a selfish drunk asshole, and ignored it. I was drinking to try to get my spirits up and she was the catalyst for my sadness. My friends and I drank the night away. The next morning I woke up to two messages. The first was just a few simple words. She sounded sad, but in a calm kind of way. Like she had accepted what came next. (cont.)
>>667997997 >>667997757 This sounds like not real advice. Not saying you have bad intentions or anything, but there is no real advice here... The only part that makes sense is the first sentence. After that it's just contradictions which won't help anyone. I know your heart is in the right place, and every girl is very different like us guys; so no one plan will work. But all I'd say is, make it clear you would like to date but would still stay friends if you weren't. And if you can't honestly do that, then just tell the truth about wanting to date her. If no is the answer, then step back and think for awhile. If yes, then we will hopefully be seeing less of you in these threads. Congrats.
Really close to telling my girlfriend of about 3 years that I don't love her anymore. We've had a really weird awkward but beautiful relationship, both each others first of any kind... I'm her everything and we've both helped each other through all kinds of depression recently, I feel absolutely terrible about leaving her but its just not the same anymore. I've lost touch with all my friends, barely see even her anymore, and when I do I just don't feel like myself. I'm scared I won't talk to anyone at all if this ends, which I'm pretty sure it is. And I still want to be friends because she's more of a best friend than a girlfriend but I know things are going to be even more awkward for awhile if not forever. I'm losing my mind and its 3am and I just ate a pint of ice cream for comfort but now I feel worse... Sorry had to vent. Been lurking for years with less than a dozen or so posts.
>>668001543 The second was from her mother. When she had been called to collect Diana's effects, she saw that mine was the last number she called before she jumped. Figured I might want to know. I fell away from my friends after that. Couldn't take the pity. Couldn't take their attempts to make things ok. Five years later, I'm enlisted in the Marine Corps, mostly just to get as far away from home as I can. I perform all the functions of a normal human being. I get up, go to work, go home, and retreat from society. I go out with people every couple of weeks, but my reputation as an alcoholic shut in by our standards keeps people from bothering to invite me out if getting black out drunk isn't part of the plan of the night. I no longer feel anything but anger, and a vague disgust for the people around me. What right have they to be happy when the one person who made this world ok is gone. Those and guilt. All these years later I still ask myself every night what would have happened if I'd answered that call.
Anyway, that's my story. Not sure what possessed me to tell it tonight, but there it is.
I'm 32. I have a lady friend who lives with me, and that is a huge help and she is supportive with my depression etc, but doesn't know how bad I am. I think I've just never really figured out the roll "other people" play in my life.
I know there are people worse than me, but its not good. I just never figured out where people fit in my life, and though I'm fairly not stupid, I have the emotional and identity issues of someone much younger than me. I'm on disability from work, and it seems like I spend the majority of my time finding ways to destroy myself.
I regret developing a habit/addiction to Ritalin (like Adderall) while I worked nightshift in a factory back in 2014. was earning huge bonuses every week due to increased productivity, but took a massive physical toll. lost all my gains and became skinnyfat, heart palpitations, lost interest in most hobbies, treated everyone around me like shit. all this made me depressed asf. knew i needed to get clean but also knew I couldnt do my job anymore without it (very physical job, +25kg lifts constantly) over the christmas break I had a windfall of sorts, sporting accident left me temporarily unable to work (9 months) and so had to quit my job and live on compensation for a while. got clean, still depressed and never regained the desire to hit the gym and get fit, never took physio seriously and just rode the system.
>fast forward to present day: still depressed, have occasional relapse's which are ruining my relationship with QT gf. know its not doing me any good but still struggle to stay clean. >wanna marry this girl one day, but my drug >problems are going to ruin my chances of her >sticking around
>>668002740 Well you have me beat in years of life and I'm sure experience too. But having met the girl I plan to spend eternity with, do you really need any other people? You've already won life on quite a few scales. I'm sure time takes a toll on all things, especially on the basic definition of being happy. But coming from someone who was lost alone. Just making the one who loves you happy is all the reason I need to keep going. And just like how finding someone to love you is difficult, so is finding truly friendly relations with people. You found someone to love, friends will come from genuinely being yourself around others.
>>668002167 "Girls like confidence without arrogance, masculinity without being overbearing or being douchey."
This part just seems totally unhelpful to anyone, to me. Everyone has different options on when those lines are crossed. Like I said, you mean well but nothing is applicable to a specific persons life. I know we are trying to get the same message across, but the way you stated it doesn't make sense to me. But then again, it isn't meant for me. If it helped someone the way you put it then all the power to you and everyone else. Not trying to be negative, it's just I know people would love more specific advice then that. As someone who has been lurking these threads for awhile, it's better to de-personify certain feelings to add clarity.
>>668001824 Do it, now. Do not wait. I was with my boyfriend for seven years before he told me he saw me as 'just a friend' and he didn't love me anymore. He spent years telling me I was the love of his life, that he wanted me to be the mother of his children, that he wanted to grow old with me. That all boiled down to, "I made those promises when I was younger" and "I'm too comfortable with you to love you" bullshit.
She'll recover a lot faster now than if you drag out the inevitable.
My life is great. I'm a middle class white male with a lot of money in savings, working a decent job, in a city with good opportunities living with my brother. I'm at the best point in my life right now, but I've never been more emotionally unbalanced. I get angry over the smallest things, and sometimes it feels like I'm looking for a reason to start an argument. I should be out making a name for myself in music like I've always wanted and yet all I do is work and sit at the computer browsing shit on the Internet. I'm far too lazy to ever acutely accomplish anything which is why I never went to uni and I feel like I'm gonna be this way forever no matter how hard I try to change. I have no reason to complain honestly but I just feel too... average. Just average at everything.
>>668007197 I'm sure I'd find it amusing in hindsight. I'm still closer to the insulted side of the scale at the moment. Oh, but here's another one. He told me he didn't want kids and that I did, when I hadn't wanted children when we started dating, and he had talked me into it. Or my favorite, he said I was too attached to him when I said, a day after he dumped me, that it was going to upset me when he dates someone else. We'd been dating for seven years and I was just dumped. I admit I didn't date him for his emotional maturity.
I'm really in love with this guy, we were friends but a year and a half ago we started being friends with benefits. I fell for him and I've already told him.. he says that he is trying but he can't feel love for me. I know he is not with someone else. Could it be that he is to comfortable with me? I really don't know what to do
>>668008418 >Friends with benefits That's where you went wrong. Very rarely is a guy going to date a woman he's already fucking as friends. I'd say move on. He's just using you for sex anyway, and you're getting more and more attached to him because of it.
>Be me. >Be 17. >Have those 3 friends since I was born, let's call them Rick, Thomas and Marc. >Literally best friends for life. They are part of my family. >Other friend, know him since a year or so, Let's call him Carl. >We pretty much get all into going to raves and doing drugs at the same time. >(Mostly mdma, ketamine, coke) >One day we had to take the train to get to a rave, routine to us. >We arrive at the train station. >Police. >Dogs. >Rick had coke on him. >Thomas had weed and k on him. >Carl had coke on him. >... >Marc had 5g of MDMA, 1g of K, 1g of Coke and Molly on him. >We are in line, waiting to get checked by the dog. >Rick takes his coke and puts it in his shoe while a policeman is directly looking at him. >Policeman does no react. >Thomas, Mark and Carl are taken to a room. >20 minutes. >Thomas leaves the room. He told the police he only had weed on him and he threw his k in a corner of the room when they were not looking. >20 minutes. >Carl leaves the room. He had hidden his coke in his pocket before he got searched naked. >20 minutes. >No sign of Marc.
>be me >had a crush on girl 1 > try my move on her >she shows no interest >she starts fucking my best friend frequently >got over it >now there is girl 2 i like > 1 and 2 cant get along >went to party and told girl 1 that I like girl 2 > she gets mad and tells me she loves me > told her to fuck off and fuck my best friend in the ass >she starts to cry >I just walked away bc I hate drama > now all our friends think I'm an asshole
>We're all trying to call him on his phone, no response. >We still go to the rave. >Rick gets a message, Marc is at the police station, his mother has to come get him. >Fast forward to the day he gets judged. >He is forced to give names. >Dealer is threw into prison. >A month passes. >Marc is found shot in the head. >Saddest fucking moment of my life. >I'll never fully recover from this. >He was my first friend. >He was my brother.
>Let's go a few days back before all of this happened. >Be at school. >Telling a friend I'll be at the rave. >Friend asks me where. >I respond. >Warns me about Police and dogs potentially being there, then jokes about it being not true. >Didn't trust him.
Girlfriend left me after four years. Said she wanted someone else. Other reasons being my money spending habits among other small bullshit. Other person some fat neck beard who lives in filth and cannot have a single day without weed. Has dab rigs for work. Later found that he turned her down but don't know the truth. Don't believe it myself. She says she is taking a break from sex and relationships and blocks my contacts and don't hear from her much. Occasionally messages me telling me nice things and that I'll be better without her. She is better without me she says but only cites the good that it has done for me. Never about the good its done for her. Then blocks me again at convenience. I think about her constantly and really only constant work or mindless hookups help. I told her I haven't slept with anyone over a stupid selfish fear. I miss her still. When she does talk to me she reminds me that she doesn't miss me. I will always be OK. I tell myself. I know it. I just can't seem to stop loving her. Stop missing her. So much for that.
>>667994700 >the people I care about though never seem to care about me and I'm never able to care about the people who do care about me.
Spent over 1000$ in gifts for my family during christmas, thinking for weeks in advance what each one would like, got everything perfectly. Today is my birthday and my family noticed when I went out and asked me why I had bought a cake.
>>667994136 For the past year and a half I've done almost nothing with my life. I just sit at home most days just playing video games and browsing the internet. My "friends" come over almost every day to smoke weed and leave almost immediately after the weed is finished. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe depression 3 years ago, so that really doesn't help my situation. I have no purpose in life, no goals, no ambitions, no direction and I don't know if I ever will.
>>667994136 We broke up a little over a year ago. I did it because she cheated for a second time, the first time was when we were still a relatively new couple. The second time though, I didn't hesitate, I packed her shit up and dropped it off at her moms. We have barely spoken since then. And in that time I've done what any single guy would do, work, fuck bitches when I can, hang out with the few friends I do have, I even found a new girlfriend. All sounds well but,... >my life has been so empty since she's been gone. >no one important in my life knows how completely empty I feel, how unhappy I truly am. I don't want to die, but this is no kind of life I'm living. >I've developed a drinking and drug habit to compensate for that lack of happiness. >I still love and miss her, the worst knowledge of that fact being that it was probably more than she ever loved me, because I'd never have cheated on her.
In short I'm alive, though this inescapable depression would seem to have it otherwise.
>>668015749 Anyway pleas don't let it destroy you, no one gains anything from that. One tip If the cops ask you where you buy your drugs than you have to say from a cap driver and you don't know his name.
Why the fuck do I still come to these threads? I have a gf that loves and sees me for who I am, she's already thought about marrying me. Yet I still find myself always wanting to come to these threads, why?
hey, ive been here a few days ago on another feels thread. long story short, i'm the anon with the agoraphobic wife who'd been just starting to come out of the appartment and got harassed by an old man and his wife and couldn't leave the house since. well, she started going outside again, slowly, i took a week off work to walk with her around the neighbourhood, and she's just getting her confidence back. meanwhyle i had to go back to my job and she's been taking walks nearly every day, she texts me the entire duration of these walks the other day i was on my way home whyle she was out when she stopped texting me. this was weird, but i figured she'd run out of battery. she wasnt there when i got home. 15mins later she storms inside, covered in mud and shaking and crying and hiding something inside her jacket. a puppy. my wife brought home a fucking puppy. soaked in mud. jesus christ. we already have a cat, two dwarf rabbits, and a hamster. anyways shes crying and cleaning this shaking puppy and its one of those where you can tell hes gonna grow up to be a huge motherfucker and the whole appartment smells like wet god and the cat is in the corner confused and probably freaked out and the rabbits are curiously approaching and shes crying and WE CANNOT KEEP ANOTHER PET. but she's crying, and she just started going outside again and she's been happy and shit she says she saw the little guy getting thrown out of a moving car and she coulndt help herself when she heard him cry. shit his name is Peach and she's been going outside everyday to walk him and buy toys
>6 years ago >8th grade year >Mom (52) starts cheating on my dad (47) >Married for 25 years, meant nothing to her > Dad hopes for things to turn around, maybe get better > FF to 4 Years ago > Mom gets into drugs (Heroin specifically) >Dad does all he can to help >Grandfather pours money over my mother > separation > grades have been falling due to this, go from an A-B student to barely passing >FF last year (Senior year) >divorce finalized, had to sit through lies from my mother in custody hearings for my sister > Mom gets a new house, fully paid for by her father. She has no job, and doesn't have to pay a single thing >Grandparents are loaded (15+ million) >Mother gets engaged to the scum that started all of this >Know damn well he's in it for the money
Why is this even effecting me anymore? i dont want to care but it seems like thats all i can do. Im trying to focus my time to getting in shape and joining the marines just to get my mind off of the whole situation but nothing seems to help. I have more i can drone on about but i feel that this is enough for this post
>>668019033 Depends on if you're leaving or being left. Of you're leaving, try to remember why you are, because whatever pushed you away won't change if you come back, your soon to be ex will know they can get away with whatever they want.
If you're being left stay strong, and try to remember who you are, and what you mean to the other important people in your life. Grieve, laugh, cry, rage as much as you need, just don't hold it in.
>Either way leaving or being left, remember yourself and what you do and don't deserve, don't expect them to come back or foe things to work out. Expect yourself to be what and who you need to be so that you can have something left to give when love comes back.
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