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ITT we post more or less embarrassing stories with our gfs/wives.

I'll start:

>browsing internet with gf
>looking for sex toys/things that are fun in bed
>advertisment for something with Remy Lacroix
>I immediately say "damn, that's Remy Lacroix"
>ifuckedup.jpg
>she's self-conscious and angry at me because I know a pornstar by name
>googles pictures of her
>see hot pics of Remy
>Asks me "Do you find her attractive?"
>"Noooo babe, she's not hot"

Am I safe now?
>>
>wife standing over my shoulder as i browse the computer
>she notices my 1000 terabyte cp collection
>have no choice but to strangle her

I moved away and started over, but gosh, that was quite a scene!
>>
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>>666769460
she's just so hot...
>>
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>>
>Wife wants to look at porn with me
>herewego.jpg
>Fapping while shes clicking through her spank bank
>She asks which girl we should leave up
>Pick girl, this is her porn so she will like anything
>OHMAHGOD THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME
>Cry Cry Cry Cry
>Wtf did i do???
>>
>>666769572
was this your first time looking at porn with her?
>>
>>666769572
Got married
>>
>>666769710
no
>>
>>666769804
What do you usually do when watching porn? Maturbating in front of each other, fucking while watching porn? Does she jerk you off?

And has there anything similar happened after?
>>
>>666769193
nah your not.
not yet.
but the only option here is to deny deny deny.
she will aks you again and again if you think shes hot/hotter than her/does stuff youd want ect.
just say pretty much no to every question.
at some point she will be so angry that she in fact will get annoyed by it and let it go
>>
>>666770441
Damn, women are fucked up sometimes.

It's especially bad, because my gf doesn't look anything like Remy.

Until now, there were only some comments about it, like "Do you find that girl attractive? Or do you like your pornstar better? I still don't get how my boyfriend knows so much about pornstars..."
>>
>>666769572
>wife
There's your first problem

>implying it's reasonable to expect your woman to act like an adult
There's your second problem

>not blowing it off like it's no big deal, teasing her, and simply carrying on, like you would with a small child
There's your third problem.

It's really weird how easy women are to handle if you just treat them like really stupid children. Of course they don't pay for entertainment. Of course they get upset over nothing. Of course they dislike making decisions. You're the adult, you do that shit for them.
And they fucking love it.
>>
>>666769553
fucking god anon, any more?
>>
>>666770883
irrational cunts they are...
>do you like ... better
pornstar, girl at a bar, girl on tv, you name it... that question pisses me the fuck off.
i love my gf and show it more then enough so whenever something so stupid comes up i tell her that question is insulting and ignore her for a while.
for some reason it works. its been 1 1/2 years and she pulls less shit like this nowadays
>>
>>666771149
this guy knows
>not blowing it off like it's no big deal, teasing her, and simply carrying on
>>
>>666769313
what's wrong with cartoon porn??
>>
>>666771550
My girl gets angry over nothing all the time. Sometimes she gets mad because I mention how hot other chicks are. I've got this shit down to a fucking science.

She can't stay mad when I make her laugh, and going "Oh, look at me, my name is <name>, I'm so angry, you can tell by my mouth and furrowed brow" makes her into a little gigglepuss.
>>
>>666772061
Why shouldn't she get mad? Wouldn't you get mad when she talks about how hot other guys are?
>>
>>666772061
lol gonna try that next time.
i always push her cheeks together when shes mad and say: look at me, im such an angry fish, i hate the ocean
>>
>>666769193
Why are you lying? She is hot as fuck and your girlfriend can tell.
>>
>>666772315
>Why shouldn't she get mad? Wouldn't you get mad when she talks about how hot other guys are?
Not saying it's unreasonable to get a little annoyed, but she REALLY doesn't like it, and it's funny to me.

I don't give a fuck if she says some other dude is hot, because I know she's crazy about me. Do you get upset over that shit?
>>
>>666772315
not the one you replied to but,
i dont get mad when she does it caus i know its only because she wants to make me jealous like i make her when i stare at another girls ass for example.
The less she gets into your head the better off you are. just stop fucking caring and they go apeshit inside
>>
>>666772616
Yup. The one who cares the least has the most power over a relationship. Cold, but true.

Women don't want a guy who's "too nice" or cares too much anyway. Douchebags only finish first because they have an air of power - power to not have to care. I don't HAVE to be with my girl, and she knows it, so she tries hard to keep me.
>>
>>666769193
>do you find her attractive?
you know what ive said to my gf and it shuts her up every time
"yes i do find her attractive, but im with you"
dont be a pussy anon
>>
>>666769572
point out her flawed logic, don't take shit from bitches
>>
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>>666772805
>she knows it, so she tries hard to keep me
oh man i can relate so much to this right now! the last couple of month i got really annoyed cause she didnt suck my cock for a while now. i knew asking wouldnt really help so instead i just got colder and colder as you said.
last friday she blew me in the kitchen and swollowed every last drop.
>feltgoodman
>>
>>666769193
>2015
>not having a wife with a dudes mentality.

>That episode of Inside Amy Schumer came on where she interviews Bailey Jay
>exclaim oh shit, its Bailey Jay
>wife says who dat?
>A famous trap
>oh, OK.

Wife blew me, shit was cash.
>>
>>666773375
Mine can't suck a dick to save her life. Maybe I'm just not really into the feel. She tries though. Her handjobs are shit.

Once I got horny so I pushed her head onto my dick, and after a while I got bored so I took her hand and placed it on my dick, and after fiddlefucking for a little while I just put on my pants. I didn't do it to be mean, it just didn't feel good, but she said something like: "You really know how to make a girl feel inadequate".

Point is, girls handle rejection extremely, incredibly fucking poorly. She's happy as fuck in our relationship, and it ain't because I'm going all out on "niceness".
>>
>be me
>skyping gf while playing destiny
>talking about sex stuff
>she knows im not a virgin
>masturbation makes a round in the convo
>"how many times have you done it?"
>"at least 500 times"
>"WHAT?!?!??!"
>wtfiswrongwithyou.jpeg
>"i mean ive masturbated around that many times"
>"oh i thought you meant sex"
>BITCH WE WUZ TALKING ABOUT JERKING OFF 2 SECONDS AGO
>>
>>666773757
suction and tongue play is the key to a good blow job
tell her to french that phallic
>>
>>666773757
dats cold brah. haha
you could have at least fucked her if her blowjob was shit.
also try giving her directions on what to do while she blows you.
if she love you that much she'll try harder next time and eventually get better and better
>>
>>666773922
Meh. I honestly just think I'm not a blowjob guy. Weird, since the thought of jamming my dick into her face is pretty hot - she can never unsuck my dick - but it just feels, don't know, odd.
>>
>>666773922
*phallus
>>
>>666773821
how the fuck do you even know such a number??!
>>
>>666774040
I think I fucked her afterwards. I fuck her twice a day'ish, so whatever.

I think she's blowing smoke up my ass, but she tells me I'm the best she's ever had, because no one prior could make her cum. Sounds like a trick, but she swears it's true.
>>
>>666774141
i rounded off
been doing it since i was 12 (19 now)
used to do it about 8 times a day till i was about 14
>>
>>666771827
kek
>>
>>666769193
You should've just told her the truth and say that you do find her attractive. Your GF probably would've done anything in her power to appear more attractive for you. Women love attention, and she picked up that this "unobtainable" woman you both saw has been taking your attention away from her.
>>
>>666774141
Not hard to gauge. I'm 24, and I've jerked off at LEAST once a day since, I don't know, 13 - and that's conservative, since I've done it like 4 times a day these last few years. That's several thousand orgasms.

So yeah.
>>
>>666774051
I wasn't a blowjob guy until I met my recent gf. Damn blowjobs all the day and I love it.

>>666774265
Even if it might not be true, there's still a reason why she's telling you that. So either way, she seems to love sex with you, no need to care.
>>
>>666769193
admit that she's hot

who cares, it's not like you're ever getting a stab at any porn star anyway

maybe your girl will try harder if she's aware you have eyes that work on everyone
>>
>>666774402
I know her well enough to say, that she should better not know that I know some things about porn. She gets upset really, really fast. Borderline people.
>>
>>666774495
>So either way, she seems to love sex with you, no need to care.
I've thought exactly that. Either it's true, which is awesome, or she cares enough to lie.

Besides, it's certainly not true that I can make her cum (unless she's able to twitch her clit really fast at will), so ultimately it'll be fine.
>>
>>666774265
mine says the same. would be nice if its true but i want to believe so i believe her
>>
>>666774402
I'm Thising hard
>>
>>666774588
women are mentally children
whenever my gf gets pissy i point out her retarded logic, say a few comforting words, then leave it alone.
distraction is too easy
>>
>>666774588
but you dont know her well enough to know that stop caring about her childish problems will turn out best for you
>>
>have a girlfriend on her period
>her mom is coming to town for some reason and doesn't know the town
>gf says she is going out to meet her mom to show her the way to the aparament
>I think gf is going to meet her at the trainstation
>trainstation is an hour away
>I proceed to have a quick porn session
>I'm in the bathroom cleaning myself from the cum
>they come back, porn is still blasting from the pc
>turns out her mom knew which bus to catch to our neighbourhood
>>
>löl
>>
In super market w/ gf (now wife). Getting frisky and grabby in public because I'm 35 going on 15. She's not amused. In what was a serious act of poor judgement, I pull her top down. Sun dress, no bra, boobs out in grocery store.

That is how I lost my grabass privileges forever.
>>
>>666769193
stop being a fucking bitch, tell her yeah i watch porn so fucking what, at least i educate myself and am not boring in bed like u

post results
>>
>>666775353
yeah getting caught playing league of legends is probably pretty embarrassing
>>
>>666771149
Absolutely.
>>
>>666771149
>Wanting a woman who needs you to treat them like a child
;)
>>
>>666775405
she broke up with me...
>>
>>666776134
good, now find someone who's not mentally ill
>>
Come on guys, women might me dumb sometimes, but they aren't as easy as that. Sure, often it'll work, on some women it'll work 100% of the time, but damn, you can't say "Treat her like a child and you win". Life ain't that easy.
>>
>>666776217
is borderline that mentally ill? it's not that bad
>>
>>666776262
well dont make it obvious
>>
>>666776626
why? he's right
>>
>>666776707
he's right if the girl in question hasn't acted childish

once she's done that she's shown her true colors and now you handle her with big boy gloves
>>
>>666774266
You're pretty shit at maths kid.
>>
>Going at girlfriend, missionary.
>She's panting like fuck, really into it
>Out of nowhere, stops me, gets on top
>Starts straddling, saying chesy porn lines, "you like that?", etc
>Not really feeling it
>"Good boy, keep going for me baby. You're my good little boy."
>Diamonds, finish almost immediately
>We almost exclusively do mommy play now
help.
>>
>>666775354
how did you end up with her being your wife??
>>
>>666778749
Pic related, similar to gf
>>
>>666775354
>>666778795

Eh, I get that. My gf is progressive as fuck, forward thinking, indepdent, etc. Shit like that still turns her on.
>>
>>666776262
if she downst act like a child there is no need to treat her like one.
Obv there are women who are mature enough/ down to earth
>>
>>666778749
>help.

with what? sounds like everything's just peachy
>>
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>>666770883
JEJ the only reason she doesn't know any porn stars by name is because who gives a fuck about men in porn.
>>
>>666778749
if you like it and she likes it, theres no need to stop
>>
>>666773495
I was fingering my girlfriend while we were both watching Amy Shumer stand up and she laughed so hard she queefed on my thumb. Shit was cash. Fucked her hard after that.
>>
>>666769553 Sexier that hot.
>>
>>666769193
You a bitch, spending time with a cunt that's so deluded that she thinks she's the hottest girl around.

Faggoy-boy OP is faggoy.
>>
>>666779029
Not all women watch porn. And not all men do.

Imagination is the best porn, imagining fucking your best friend hard and finishing in her face is better than any fake boobs fucked by some steroid guy.
>>
>>666779246
That didn't happen. I can tell because your story involves laughing at Amy Shumer's standup.
>>
>>666779601
Oh anon I know this very well. I like to switch up my wanks. Like I'll have a few porn wanks and then like a week of just having imagination wanks. I do have a gf but she's quite far away atm. And funnily enough, one of my best friends is insanely hot and I have imagined fucking her many many times. I always manage to cum hard thinking of my friend/gf
>>
>>666769572
This is why I tell my wife I won't watch porn with her
>>
>>666779601
>And not all men do
only autist guys never watch porn
>>
>>666780037
better go look for a hotter wife then
>>
>>666780103
Yeah and pretty much all girls do something along the same lines. They just lie about it because they are women and that's what they do.
>>
>>666780222
>among the same lines

Examples?
>>
>>666780443
>among the same lines
Wat?
>>
>>666780571
>Wat?
What?
>>
>>666769193
Your a faggot, and your relationship is fake.
if you had a good relation you could safely say you find Remy Lacroix hot.

Your fucked up OP
>>
>>666781700
Why? There's a lot of white lies going on in relationships
>>
>>666772406
>look at me, im such an angry fish and hate the ocean
kek
>>
>>666769193
>Be me
>believe feminine penis theory
>into lesbian trap porn
>fapping away earphones
>GF walks in
>smirking behind me
>WTF? she has a dick
>scares the shit out of me turn around
>Face of perplexion
>Why Anon?
>Do you want to be a woman?
>nnno, it's just I love to feel sexy
>Oh shit, need time to process
>don't see her for 2 weeks
>comes back
>I got these for you anon
>Sexy lingerie, hihgh heeled shoes, wig, makeup
>proceeds to dress me up
>removes hair from body
>does makeup
>I stand before her transformed
>raging boner
>I think lesbian fantasy here we come.
>She starts crying
>Oh my God, anon. You're such a faggot.
>I swear I can't even
>leaves house
>no more girlfriend
>told all our circle of friend I'm some degenerate faggot who secretly craves cock
>be me
>on /b/
>>
>>666772406
>angry fish, I hate the ocean

My sides just took a trip to Neptune.
My GF and I are fighting right now. Totally doing this when I get home.
>>
>>666774266
>8 times a day for 2 years
>plus 5 more years of jerking off a regular amount
>=~500
How many days do you think there are in a year?
>>
>>666776360
Are you fucking joking? Borderline personality disorder is one of the most extreme forms of mental illness. There are some moderate cases, but jesus, personality disorders in general are on the extreme side of mental illness, and borderline is one of the most extreme personality disorders.
>>
>>666772406
kekd so hard :D
>>
>>666769193
dump her. just dump her you fucking retard.
>>
>>666770883
>I still don't get how my boyfriend knows so much about porn stars

BITCH WE WANT TO FUCK EVERYTHING AS SOON AS WE HIT AGE TWELVE, OF COURSE WE FUCKING KNOW PORN STARS
>>
>>666782537
bwahahaha

sorry mate, you should man the fuck up.
>>
>>666781835
no he's right u faggot soz
>>
>>666771149
Dude I literally clapped and said THANK YOU out loud
Quality post man 10/10


My current gf...throws a fuss over me taking pictures of her tits or of her while we're fucking

But her favorite type of porn is hidden cam


Wtf you know?
>>
>>666772406
>>666772061

Yep. For some reason mocking them defuses the whole situation

>>666772315

If she's says that you just laugh and say go ahead

Women are total pussies they never will
>>
>>666782537
>Being this much a faggot
Man, you like dicks and men, and you know it
>>
>>666782537
THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS CHICK'S WITH DICKS!! ONLY REALLY SKINNY FEMININE LOOKING GUYS WITH TITS!! GET IT TOGETHER ANON
>>
A monogomous relationship where you don't want to fuck other people is cheap and easy, because you don't want to fuck other people.

The one where you want to fuck other people but resist because of the love you have for your partner has value.
>>
>>666785890
>>666786700

It's not that bad, because she left me with sexy lingerie, makeup and a wig.

I fap daily now. I've been getting into assplay though. I'm not attracted to men.
>>
>>666787618
Stop gayposting.
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