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Next day everyone is flipping shit like SpongeBob flips akrabby Patties >It would seem a tard was awake at 2 AM and saw what fell in his fireplace and decided to eat it thinking it WAS FEOM FUCKING SAMTA CLAUS >Police are investigating shit >Oh fuck I've watched episodes of Law and Order I'm fucking dead >Hide eggs and remaining litter under my bed >It's Saturday btw >Hear knocking at door. >MyReckoningHasCome.jpg >Police officer asks if I saw anything >Say no I was playing vidya >Tell him I'm not supposed to talk to strangers and close door and lock it >Cop leaves >It worked >I can now initiate phase two >It will be harder with the cops everywhere, but the edgelord must perish >Decide it would be funny to praise Allah while standing in my underwear in my living room and knock over two cereal boxes >Play vidya until midnight comes >Batman will have vengeance for Allah
>>664408102 I'm Saladfag now? Kek. I hope someone is capping this
>Police patrolling neighborhoods and shit >It's midnight what the hell don't these guys sleep? >Am about to pussy out >See cereal on ground and am reminded of the pain I have gone through leading up to this moment... >My quest must continue >I don the batman disguise and crawl out through my window with a bunch of tied bedsheets into a rope >I was the fucking leader of my group for a reason >Sneak through woods with many bags of bread, a full carton of eggs, more cat litter >Leave bread trail so I can find way back home >Eventually find edgelord's house after my trek through the woods >I was almost out of bread too >Police car drives by >Duck in bushes >Cop does not see me >I am the night. This is my destiny >Stealth my way onto roof >Obviously not so stealthy >As soon as I finish emptying eggs and cat litter into chimney, his dad comes out >Look him in the eyes >He doesn't know what the fuck is going on >Scream out in my deepest voice (Rememeber I'm 10) "BATMAN AWAY" >Try to jump to his neighbor's roof >Fail and fail in bushes >Start crying because it hurts >Fag dad has finished process and is walking towards me...
>be 9ish >always playing with electrical pvc pipes >shooting paper darts, nails etc. >out in summer, looking for shit to shoot >find bag of peanuts on shelf >perfect fit for pipe >go greenberet in neighbourhood >shoot elderly woman on bicycle in eye >she falls >stays still >fuck.mkv >deltaforced home >played with legos for the rest of the day
>Ok b me going on testosterone for gains lifting >tell me you need to get your prostate checked >has to be healthy before we start injecting it >I never have and anxiety or nervousness >I know the nurse is real hot so I b sure to clean my ass out good >Spend a couple hours having a enema after I've worked out >Check myself into the nurses appointment >Those feel must be like what girls have when prepping before porn >We lock eyes she smiles I smile back I can tell she remembers me >Of course she says... She's checked me before after I got back from a trip I of course was hard the whole time and made sure I was clean and shaven smooth >So she's had her hands all over my dick so I feel calmer >We chat a bit she tells me to get prepared and goes off to grab her medical equipment >So I place both my hands o the bed and pull my pants stand with both legs slightly apart and stick my ass out so she has easy access to get in there and check my prostate.. I made sure to use a baby wipe on it and has it waxed before my prostate exam >She comes back in shocked and tell me wtf are you doing... I said getting in proper position for you to check my prostate... Didn't you go off to get lube and some gloves I explained.. She was totally taken back by how straight forward I was and standing there naked with my ass opened up for her >As I was thinking well wtf do I do now... I noticed she had syringes and vials and I was like oh what are they for and she explained to me how they just take a blood sample now to detect prostate problems she explained while I was putting my clothing back on >I was worrying about nothing and prepped and done all that for nothing it was such a simple procedure that I worked myself up for >So yeah quite relieved but at the same time really disappointed I didn't get any ass play from attractive hot nurse >my results came back all clean and healthy
>>664409071 >I am the night >My body hurts but I must escape the dad >Crawl out of bush and follow bread trail home >Fag dad is retarded and doesn't know my bread scheme >I lose him and find my way home >Cannot crawl out rope to room because everything hurts >Wait for police patrol to go by before going to front door >Is locked after police man came by earlier >Start crying over how shitty this is >Eventually I try to man up >I'm representing Allah and Batman here >They would not want to see me cry >Still don't really know what an Allah is just know it pisses Murrica off >Go through Blackfoot and it is unlocked >ThatWasEasy.png >Throw away batman costume and remaining supplies >I left no finger prints. I am safe... >Right?
>>664410363 I am multitasking eating my food and writing here
>Police come knocking on door >Overhear conversation between him and mom >Just kidding those fuckers bust in >They had a warrant >Mom and dad flip shit >Police explain they found bread trail >Hansel and Gretel lied to me >Momdad look at me with the same fury I saw in the eyes of bald eagle man many months ago >"Anon what the hell is going on." Says dad, using every ounce of his will to not strangle me and keep his cool because cops "I don't know what is going on I-" >"I FOUND A BATMAN COSTUME!" >It's over >It's all over
>>664411162 >They also find some bread and a few rotten eggs >They also find some cat litter >Why did these fucks dig through my trash >Police explain situation to parents >I now know true anger >Parents say I'm just a kid boa bla bla >They have to pay shittons of fines >They agree and cops leave with our trashcan >I am beat harder than I have ever been beat in my life >How could Allah have failed me >I am grounded for a fucking year >Even teachers give me shit since I Akbar'd a few of their houses >No chance at friendship with anyone >Parents decide to move since everyone gives them shit for raising me poorly >The amount of shit I hath been given has changed me >I continue being a terrorist shitbag until high school >Praise Allah
When I was eight, my dad had sent me to his van to get something from it while he watch TV. I gave him the object and his keys back, went back into my room. Thirty minutes later he storms in, yelling at me, telling me I lost his only set of keys. He had me search the whole house, smacking me on the back of the head every so often. Finally he took my fingers and bent them back, stopping only when I started to yell. He told me they would be broken if I didn't find them. He went to the bathroom, I went straight to the spot on the couch he was sitting, a place he told me he already checked, lifted the cushion, and there they were. He came back and when he asked where they were, I told him, he called me a liar and gave me a spanking.
I hate that fucking dick. He was also a pervert. NY earliest memories were of him trying to get me to suck on his nipples when I missed my mom. Would shove my whole face into his chest and held it there and laughed. I didn't have a father growing up, I had a bully.
>be me around 8 >aunt just got married >having a party at her house >new step cousin, 14, says hi >after chatting for a bit, she says she wants to show me something in the backyard >their backyard is huge, has all kinds of plants, a garden, and a treehouse >she leads me to the treehouse >wants to play truth or dare >after a couple of rounds, it's my turn, I always say dare because I'm not a faggot >she tells me to take off my clothes and lay down >wat >do it anyways >after about a minute she's on top of me >she reaches down and grabs my little 8 year old peen >I'm diamonds >she starts grinding on me, it hurts like hell She didn't know what she was doing and was grinding me on her clit, putting her full body weight on me. It was extremely uncomfortable... >I want her off, she tells me to shut the fuck up >hurts so much I'm crying >she shudders and gets off after an eternity >tells me that if I ever say anything to anyone she'll say I raped her >scared the shit out of me, I keep my mouth shut Fast forward 1 year >I'm living with them. Mom divorced my dad and we're poor as fuck. >she continues to take advantage of me, threatening me with rape accusations >this goes on for 2 years, at least once a week > always hurts, she never wanted to stick it inside, always threatened me afterwards >mom finally decides to move in with a guy, I escape that fresh hell Fucked me up for years. I thought sex was extremely painful until I was like 18.
>>664411964 >>664413338 Up until second semester of senior year, life has been good >Nobody here knew about my terrorism or batman incidents that happened years ago >But then... >I decided to be a shitlord >After happening to see some 9/11 footage on YouTube, I was reminded of those events many years ago >Sure they were shit, but fun in some weird twisted way >Realize that senior pranks are a thing >Vengeance >No I can't... >Justice >I have friends here... >Allah >I can feel the fagosity flowing through my veins as Allah's influence returned >In other words I was being a faggot >I already know my plan >My evil, evil plan >With my genius teenager brain, my original batman scheme will be kicked into overdrive >When I finished that thought and got back to doing homework, I couldn't help but smile as I whispered "Praise Allah..."
>>664407227 >my daddy loved me a little too much when i was a child >beeing backup soldier, he would dominate and humiliate me because i turned out to be a complete failure in school and stuff >am gay >now have daddy issues and a boyfried that looks more similar to my dad than i am willing to admit
>Fast forward to nearing end of senior year >I have spent all of my leftover birthday and Christmas money for supplies >I didn't have a job so yea >Parents don't question shit since I got As and Bs in school and there's no terrorism >Tell them I'm going out to hang with some friends >They're cool with it and I go out that night, driving to the school as I call up my boy, let's call him Tyrone ">Tell Tyrone to be my alibi for the night. >He says it's all good >Tyrone got busted for stealing lunch food before, so I could trust his criminal integrity >Get to school, no police, no guards >This will be so easy >I get out of my car and make preparations >It's gonna be a long night
>>664415749 >Gighschool is two stories tall and has security system, cannot batman my way on roof >Speaking of Batman... >I open my trunk, and don my new outfit >A part of me tells me to turn back, that this cannot end well >But Allah's will cannot be ignored >Go to sportspand >Fag coach left sports shed unlocked >There are keys inside >EGGcellent! >Snab keys and go to school doors >Before I unlock, I park me car a few blocks down and gather my supplies >I stay to darker areas so remain unspotted, but get seen because fag >Just tell them I'm Batman and continue walking >Notice one woman gets on her phone when she sees me going towards school >I must do this quickly >I unlock the front doors and head inside, unaware of the silent alarm activated
>>664407227 >be 12 >go fishing with my fishing pal >about 22 years old >feel like the coolest kid that has ever lived cause of hanging out with him >most the time only the two of us >really like him >calls me his " little bait" >allways brings his gameboy and candy, but mum is strict so we must keep it a secret >tells me we have to swim x-minutes for each piece of candy >allways says he "forgot" his swim trunks, says he will only swim if i don't use them too >try to be more "brave" than cool old guy >do it >he does this every time >starts fire >i sit on his lap >often feel something that was not his belt cause jogging trousers and shit
>>664416597 >Open my weapons of mass destruction >Shittons of rotten eggs >Big thing of cat litter >And screwdrivers >Don't think about how this can be traced back to me, just Allah >Go to vents around school, opening them with screwdriver and leaving my egg litter surprise >Sirens...
>>664417736 >That bitch must have called the police in reality it was the school silent alarm, but my vengeance senses said otherwise >Policemen bust into school, only three of them >Fuck >Quickly reattach vent to wall and try to silently get out of there >A cop grill sees me and tells me to stop >I run so far >I run so far away >Pretty sure she tried to taser shoot me >Keep running >Make it out of school and see more police cars >A few police peeps come out of their cars >Autismo kicks in and I scream out out "BATMAN AWAY!" >Oh god.. >It's happening again Anon. Life was so good and you had to screw it up >Lose the cops because I'm batman with Allah's guidance >Pass by a hooters and stare at some tits through the windows for a few seconds >Get weird looks because batman at Hooter's >See them lights in the distance >Book it >Throw off batman costume down a manhole when nobody is looking >Make my way back to my car >Drive home and call up Tyrone saying the night is done >He's cool and says okay >Thanks Tyrone >Make it home >Parents don't know shit. They're asleep >I might have gotten away with it... >As usual... >I am wrong
>>664418578 Wake up next day Friday >school is cancelled because egg litter surprise >Know this because Tyrone texted me >Thanks Tyrone, I'ma buy you a salad one day >Sleep in >Woke up by my father picking me up by the front of my shirt and screaming at me >"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ANON? I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST KID SHIT BUT YOU DID IT AGAIN! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" >I struggle to try and say something >I knew that one day I would tell this story >I needed to say something creative and funny >Something that would get the shit beaten out of me but worth >"WELL!? ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAMMER OR ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF!?" "Praise Allah?" >He punched me in the face >Cry like a fag for a few hours >Later I learn the police went door to door asking questions >Parents say they didn't know shit >Thanks dad >Nobody found out it was me
Remember /b/ros, a good family always has your back. But not as much as Allah.
>me and my childhood friend playing in the beach >climbing up some rocks so we can jump from them into the water >we get to the top >deciding how to jump >friend pushes me from the back >ohshit.jpg >fall with my crotch on top of a rock with a bunch of mussels >ballsackbleeding.jpg
>>664412768 Obviously. Im glad you at least agree that only colossal fags would believe this shit. That being said, the story was shitty as fuck and Im sure that most of these fags asking for the story believed it actually happened.
This is what I try and tell all my mates who wanna take the easy route and do jobs as IT technicians and shit. The truth is you'll always be know as the 'IT guy' and you'll be treated like a robot or something
>be me, 3 or 4 >running around the house in underpants >just bathed >feelsgood.jpg >running upstairs >trips by stairs >ohshit >tumble down stairs for second time in life >stairs are hardwood Time-skip to present >"Did you fall on your head as a kid?" >can tell them fell down stairs Worth it.
>Be me. >10 y/o. >Had a friend, his name is John, which is funny, because WE ARE MEXIFAGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE JUST RIDICULOUS NAMING IT JOHN. btw, he was 8 y/o (I didn't have any friends of my age outside the school.) >We used to go far away from home just to see what we could find. >I usally have seen him just stopping and standing still when he had to shit. >He used to SQUEEZE HIS SHIT BETWEEN HIS LEGS. >Disgusting.jpeg >I didn't cared too much. >He was my only true friend. >He did all kind of fucked up things. >That day. >We have gone to a wal-mart, far away from home. FAR AWAY. >When we come back, he's starting to make that funny face when he's about to shit. >"Oh fuck, anon, I really want to poo right now." >Why don't you simply hold your shit like everytime? >"I can't, I have Dhiarrea." >Shit. Literally. Shit. >We start to search a place so he can take a shit. >He suddenly stops and start crying. >WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, JOHN? DON'T. >"I CAN'T ANYMORE, ANON." >He start squeezing his shit, I just take a few steps away so nobody can see he's with me. >His legs are shaking, a lot of sweating. >Suddenly, I see a brown liquid with some yellow stuff sliding down his legs. >I start walking even faster. >He cries loudly. >My hands are shaking. >I turn my head towards him >I look at him. >He's eating is own shit. >WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK. >Go home, leaving him behind. Fast forward, just three days later. >His mom come to my house. >Talk with my mom and start yelling at me I'm a bad influence for John and I should find friends of my age. >She told John ate his shit so the people couldn't see him with legs covered in brown corned stuff and smelling horrible. >"The smell of his mouth is still horrible and your son let him behind."
>Never talk to John again. >One day, I've seen him akwardly standing still in middle of the street, probably squeezing his shit between his legs.
>Be me >10 years old >at grandmas house, playing at the park with my friend >hear the ice cream truck music >run inside to get money >excited/10 >the truck is pulled over by the park >run across the street >friend tells him what he wants, pays and gets shitty spongebob Popsicle >shit tier >tell him I want an icecream sandwhich >hand him my money >he drives away >mfw icecream man took money from a 10 year old >mfw I'm still haunted to this day
>be 10 > Mom is working home alone > find her vibrator, old school plug into wall ones with control >start playing cowboy and swing it over my head >mom comes home with current bf at time. >wat.jpeg as I swing it faster and faster >scream what is this thing!!!!! It's amazing!!!! > my face when I'm retarded.
>>664424715 >Be me. >9 years old. >I had a friend, his name is Gabriel, 10 years old. >We had a friend in common, was a female. >Cristina, 10 y/o 0.000000000001/10, but was a 10/10 for us because we were kids. >We used to play Tomb raider in my playstation. >That day. >While we were playing, Cristina knocks the door. >"Oh, come in, we're playing tomb raider." >"YAAAAY." (She loved that game.) >She comes in. >It's Gabriel's turn. >He start to talk about sex. >I was the one with the videogame console, he was the one with internet. >He used to watch some porn pics and magazines of his dad. >The girl laughs. >Both of them start joking about me and her having sex. >She start groping my penis and laughing. >I feel uncomfortable, but still laugh with them. >Cristina and I go under the bed. >I don't know why, maybe she didn't want Gabriel to see us. >Gabriel start to climb rocks in tomb raider because when she climb, it sounds like a groan. >That was to make fun of us having sex. >Kids have strange sense of humour. >We show each other our genitals. >My little and cute penis isn't diamonds because I was way very innocent to know what was happening, probably she was too. >Hear the door opening, was my aunt. >Both of us try to get out from under the bed. >Not fast enough. >We just stay there, trying to hide. >She enters the room. >Sees Gabriel Akwardly playing alone. >"Where's anon?" >Silence. >"Gabriel, where's anon?" >"Under the bed with Cristina. They're making love."
>She start laughing and call my mom. >She comes. (Was in bathroom I think.) >She laughs too. >Sometimes they still remind me that story and laugh.
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