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>>664000304 90% of the time people who act like that are full of shit. It'd be worth trying at least. If those things were true, like TRUE true, they wouldn't blurb about them. Those are often the easiest people to get to know if you just ignore the stupid bullshit they put up.
>>663999038 How often engaged/married/pregnant women use it to cheat
How often hideous, fat, "I'd pork you if I was out of options and drunk" women get such an ego boost from cucks who try to sext them in such a way that they wind up looking like they from some other continent
How scrawny, 4/10 guys with patchy facial hair wind up getting a huge ego boost from hooking up with Landwhale Lauren once, to the point that they suddenly think they are Pussicles, the legendary hero of procreation
>>664000913 worst part is she added me on facebook and conversation was great for the first week or so, now its the 6hr later replies, like I'd much rather her just tell me to fuck off and be done with it, but she seems pretty great
>Set up Tinder date >I'm a few years older >nobigdeal.jpg >She's a little chubby/fat but has hot face >can compromise >Go to meet her at predetermined restaurant >Am late, check restaurant for any parties of one. >no tables with single women >begin being concerned >find out she was waiting outside the back entrance to the restaurant. >......ok >I see her face >shes not like her picture >the shitty angles made her look thinner and hotter >is fat-fat and not chubby >disappoint >go on date anyway because fuck it >hit up different restaurant for some reason I cant recall >talking over lunch >her inexperience is showing >high school-ish dramma >then the clincher >she: "Yeah like the Big Bang Theory is pretty much my favorite show ever. I like how scientific it is" >My fucking sides >Politely make up excuse and leave after lunch.
>>664001773 literally the worst part of the app. it's like being in an abusive relationship. few girls are socially competent enough to flirt with, and when you finally get a match that's semi-attractive, it's a bot. you get your hopes on and then it dumps a load of diarrhea on your chest.
---Flowchart--- >Is there no profile pic? YES = She's Ugly. NO = keep looking >Look for consistent faces (this is obvious) >Is there a very tall/very short girl? YES = Its that one. NO = keep looking >Is there a fat girl? YES = Its that one. NO = keep looking >Is there more than one ugly girl? YES = Its the ugliest one. NO = keep looking >Is there a picture without any people in it and effectively no clear picture of the person? YES = She's Ugly. NO = Fuck it Swipe Left
>"adventurous" >take me on an adventure Do I look like Peter Pan?
>"don't just say 'hi' or I won't respond" Said hey to a girl like this once just because it pissed me off, and shocker, she responded
And of course "I won't hook up with you." Spare me, lady. It's a hookup app and you're not asexual.
Oh and "just here for friends." So you're picking your friends off of their attractiveness? I actually ran into a chick who I already knew who said that and I called her on that and she admitted she was in the wrong, and I finally felt vindicated. Take that, society!
> look for gay bf > mfw gay guys mostly look like faggots > find a few nice looking guys > mfw they are older than me and are still going to university studying some kind of humanities degree > mfw I read "I am an artist", "I am a musician" > mfw supportive comments about refugees who would like our gay asses dead
>Went on Tinder date yesterday >Pics of her were a little iffy but I know people can look better/worse irl >scrolling through pics >looks mixed-asian but not made of forehead or totally flat faced. >wears cute glasses. > something seems iffy about the pictures >uncanny resemblance I can't shake. >meh-fuck-it she meets the minimum of my standards >has pic with kid >could be hers, could be sibling >kid looks like 7 year old boy >her age: 28 >it'shers.jpg >not a deal breaker >Talk logistics with her >decide meeting place >get coffee and start talking >a growing unease >Starts telling me about her 2 kids >2 kids >her two daughters >wat >picture was clearly a boy >sneak onto her profile during date to double check >androgynous child detected >whatever >unease greatens >the pitch of her voice >the cadence of her speech >the subject matter
>single mom >little gap in the front of her teeth >can't stop talking about how tough she is/how much she can fend for herself in a fight >My nope-meter is beeping at 10/60 npm (nopes per minuet) > The more we talk the more it becomes clear > 15/60 npm >I've heard this kind of bullshit before and these excuses >"I once stabbed a guy with my stiletto" (shoe) >45/60 npm >When I'm talking (even briefly) she looses interest and kind of spaces out >That voice >my involuntary disgust > it hits me > She sounds > looks > and talks like > my shitty white-trash cousin > Nopes at 70/60 npm > Maximum disgust. > sneak text bro to "call me with something urgent" >Nope the fuck out of there >Next morning "So when can I see you again? :)" >Thursday after Never
sometimes if my GF doesnt open the gates of heaven, i start wondering: is 7 years of relationship really worth missing all the tinderfucking and one night stands and stuff?? but thanks 4chan, you brought this newfag back to his GF XD this is pretty horrible, coming across these great personalities and some even dating them
>>663999038 >girl starts conversation >tell her I already have a gf and I don't want to to anything behind her back <hey I have a boyfriend and I don't want to do anything behind his back so we both are in same situation =) It gets painfully obvious that she's into something more since I said we could be strictly friends and she responded all like: Oh well I guess Fucking bitches man And this was on tinder
HA! I haven't even thought about a dating site in years. Let me tell you anons about my short experience on dating sites.
>be 20 >putting myself through college >full class load >work 45 hours a week but making ok money so I do have a little bit to spend. >Have own car, and apt. but in the city closer to work about 18 miles from college cause it's much cheaper. >not much time to spend with a girl but would like a chick that I can relax, fuck, have fun with. >try chatting up chicks at school. >most don't want to come to the city. The few that do are pissed that I'm not a rich city boy. >Fuck this! I'll just find a regular non-college chick. They'll be more fun anyway. >try dating site. >find two girl over the course of a month or so. >like I said busy as fuck >Meet up with one girl for dinner on a sat. night >tell her I'm in college but I got my own place. >"Are you rich?" >"No, I'm working my way through school," >You can visibly see the girl lose all interest. >Whatever chick is a cunt. >Remember my only standards here are "don't be ugly, don't be a cunt, and want to just chill and have fun." >So take out another local girl. >mfw she asks the exact same question. >haven't tried online dating since.
>>664002628 I start off with "Oi lemon squash" which for you cucks that can't read Australian roughly translates to "Hello there, I find you attractive and would like to engage in sexual intercourse with you."
I only went on a tinder date once in my life but here it is >match with kinda chubby emo chick >I try not to be too forward with chicks at first >she starts posting pictures of her in her under wear and shit (ya'll know about tinder moments?) >we start talking about favourite sex positions >hers is doggy (like everyone else in the world) >also mentions she loves anal >we decide to meet up >she comes over >wearing short dress, looks like her photos, not bad >we lay in bed and watch movie >start rubbing my dick on her ass >"when are you gonna fuck me anon" will continue if anyone else is still lurking otherwise im out
>>664017716 >>664017917 sorry to disappoint you anon >we're laying side by side, im sort of spooning her i guess >i position her over me >she pulls my under wear down and starts suckin my thang >worst bj ever by watever >okay lets fuck >she lays on her stomach >i pull her underwear down to her knees >put a jimmy on cos dont wanna get aids cont?
>>664018800 only replying to you cos of ur dubs you faggot anyway >stick my dick in her ass >btw never fucked a girl in the ass before so didnt know what to expect >slowly slides in but really tight >try not to fuck too hard cos i want to last as long as possible >she basically cant contain her self you can tell she loves it >know im about to cum soon so start fucking her hard >shes moaning and squeezing the sheets begging me not to stop >end up pulling out and taking the jimmy off and blowing all over her ass >she's obviously a dirty whore so why not right? forgot to mention the only reason why we were doing anal is cos she was on her rags lol theres more though if yall want me to continue
>If you're under X'Y" height don't even bother I'm fucking 6'2" and fuck those bitches. I have solidarity with my shortbros. Hey I prefer tall women because I don't like to stoop to kiss a girl but even I wouldn't say someone isn't worth my time because it slightly inconveniences me.
>>663999163 >>"Chubby" >>Is obese or morbidly obese This is true for most girls advertising for guys online. They are usually either: >a: obese or morbidly obese >b: hot and petite but stealthmode psychopaths who scare men away by behavior or reputation >c: some combination
protip: Normal desirable females have an inbox full of "ay bb u wan sum fuk" as well as guys propositioning them in person daily.
>>664019432 i'd say 60% of my matches respond, maybe a little more... So I guess 6/10. I don't always open up with that kind of message since some chicks don't write anything in their profiles and it's hard to write something original every time.
this is what girls don't understand. they get bombarded with 'heys' and get sick of it. they don't realise just how many messages the average guy has to send to get a single response. why the fuck would we tailor a message to each and every girl when chances are she'll just judge us on our looks anyway?
double standard bullshit. but that's online dating, i guess.
>>664019349 >>664018947 >>664018942 >>664018489 alright watever i hardly ever post on /b/ so ill just dump the rest of the story you savages >so i hand her a roll of toilet paper that was on my shelf (fap roll) to clean up >i get a drink of water and a beer >she smokes a bowl of weed >basically i had some weed laying around and offered her some >we chill for about 20 minutes before going again >this time she gets on top >shes kinda heavy so immediate regret >"just be ready cos all my wetness is gonna on you" >"alright watever" >she starts riding me and like rocking the whole bed >shes moaning and having a good time >im not really enjoying this tbh but watever >eventually get over it and switch positions so im on top and shes got her legs spread >put it in her ass again and fuck her hard >shes squirming and trying to contain her self >pull out just to tease her >"omg dont pull out anon" >but it back again and fuck for like another 10 minutes or so >cum inside her (while wearing a jimmy) cont
This was like 2001 and the whole social media thing didn't exist yet. In those days it wasn't really possible to just get a girl you met online to just come over. Girl were told every guy online was a stalker/killer/psycho so go meet him in person.
Well, sometimes it doesn't even work on tinder, brobeans lol. I gave up on her shortly after this, I don't have to chase after some cunt who can't type a sentence. I will say though that being clever is a shitload easier when you have as much time as you want to reply.
In person there is a lot more dead space and awkward moves but I'm just honest about that shit to try to weed out the shit ones.
>>664019995 This is pretty much true. But I had less luck. Mainly for I live in the middle of nowhere. But you get hit by the double standard all the time.
You can tailor a response, basically showing you actually read something they wrote and they'll never respond.
But honestly the thing I dislike the most is when you are actually talking so someone and they reply and you actually talk to them for a bit and things are really hitting off. Then it suddenly stops. No replys. They just stop talking to you. It's disappointing
> good looking chubby that later slimmed down and actually looked great with great face, finished some bullshit literature degree, best sex I've ever had, extremely needy (wanted 1+ hours of conversation/day despite her not being interesting enough to have anything to really talk about). lasted a month
> decent looking chick that seemed interesting and into me but was actually insane and got committed to an asylum
> great looking chick that was into me, likes the same type of humor, not a golddigger, but fucking far away. moves to the UK (making her impossibly far away from just far away), gets in long relationship with other guy she was into less because also there, turns out she was also extremely needy and bitchy just from the stories she'd tell me of the relationship.
> chick that was fun-ish to talk to for a while, had obscure pictures, looked like about a 5/10, decided that'd be fine given her personality, meet IRL, 0 chemistry, she's 2/10, we barely talk again.
> some aspiring writer that was just there for conversation, but she does make for great conversation, so I was happy with it
> a "all i need is a coffee and a book type" that i haven't met yet but am highly skeptical of
> a 5/10 that makes terribad puns and shows me cool obscure content
All in all, it's not too bad, but I do it for the shits and giggles.
>>664020097 at this point im pretty tired and about 5 beers down so now i just want to get rid of her >we watch the rest of the movie >movie finishes and she gets her bag and stuff and gets ready to leave >she asks me what im looking for and i just tell her that what we did tonight is pretty much it >shes into it which is cool i guess >as shes walking out of my room im walking behind her >lift her dress just to see dat ass before i leave >decide i might as well fuck her one last time >i bend her over up against the wall >shes into it >pull her panties down >quickly grab another jimmy and put it on >start fucking her ass again while grabbing her tits >this girl seriously loves being fucked in the ass >shes moaning and tearing my posters off the wall >she can barely stand at this point >im like tipsy and already fucked 3 times at this point so i dont even have to worry about premature finishing >fuck her for like 10 minutes before taking her back to my bed >she gets on her knees >fuck her doggy for another 10 minutes >shes just laying there with her face down ass up squirming and having an orgasm >says she cant take it anymore so i lay her on her back >take the jimmy off and slide my dick between her tits >grab the lube we were using earlier and lube her titties up >pretty big tits like double d? like i said she was kinda chubby >fuck her titties for about 5 mintues while shes licking the head of my cock >cum on her titties >after i cum she sucks on my knob for like 30 secs >she cleans herself up and i send her on her merry way we did meet up a couple days later but thats a story for another time i guess
>>664020909 that happens to me all the time. all the fucking time. i'll never understand it. it's not like it's a one-off "oops my phone got stolen/messages were erased/stopped using the app" type scenario due to the frequency of this occurring. it's like... if i'm boring you just tell me
If you are going to take this shit seriously follow a strat like this^ or just lower your standards for a bit and fuck a few fat chicks like I did to get a fresh breakup off your mind. All the "pretty" bitches online are usually scum of the earth with standards not even Tom Brady could fucking satisfy.
Online Grading Scale >1-3 feminist half man goblins that think they are too good to fuck you (The majority online) >4-6 Fat chicks with pretty faces or ugly faced girls with ok bodies that you settle on fucking if you are realllllly desperate (your best chance of getting laid) >7 You can do better in real life but settle on fucking/dating this one after talking for appx 1-3 weeks online. (Way too time consuming for my hormones and actual fucking time) >8-10 Robots or girls looking for a sugar daddy. Sometimes you get a lucky lay when they are taking a break from being goldiggers and want to fuck someone on looks alone, but these bitches could easily snag a decent man in real life under 6 hours of being outdoors, ulterior motives for being online esp Tinder.
Dating websites are the absolute bottom of the barrel. There's always going to be something wrong with the girls on there.
You live in a society where girls are raised on pedestals and given free tickets to everything as long as their flaws are not extreme. Any girl that's really worth it will have been approached by many men in her life. If she decides she wants to date, she will already have a pool of guys she thinks are decent choices and ways of meeting many more.
All my best relationships have been with girls I have met outside of these sites.
Don't get your hopes up, and don't take it too seriously.
>>664021424 The thing is. There was this one girl where it didn't seem that way at all. Sigh. It was so much easier when I was in the Army and didn't care and just wanted to get my dick wet before I left for deployment. But now that I'm out and want something solid. It's like damn near impossible. Maybe I should go back to being a womanizing D-bag going after college women who want a fun time
>>664020735 This kind of shit is my regular in person personality and I can guarantee it works great for making friends, not getting dates. I do like your style though, anon. I'll buy you a beer if we ever cross paths.
>>664022049 Wow. That's crazy. And 2 hours. That's nothing. I once drove from Sacramento to Reno to hook up with a crazy Russian girl. (And turns out she was crazier then I thought) but it was fun. But totally not worth a 2nd drive
>>664019995 you should just commit to making a world with better women by opening with man facts: man fact #1: never use hands when giving a blowjob man fact #2: always make eye contact when giving a blowjob man fact #3 most men want a girl who is our personal slut in private and classy and proper in public
>girls with other guys in their pictures >pictures where there are multiple people >"I dont reply to messages with only saying hi", greet her with something to talk about and they still dont reply >profiles with millions of pictures >bots
>>664022648 See thats messed. If you went that far for her and she actually had a blast with you, I just don't understand why she just dropped you without a word.
Honestly. After 28 years on this god forsaken planet. One thing I learned, when guys dump you. 4/5 times they will tell you why. Women 4/5 times will drop you without a word and hope you realize that after a week of them not replying to you means that they are over you.
Basically I gotten to the point that if I haven't received a reply or hello after 3 days, it means that they don't want to talk to me anymore.
>>664022817 Well he was a shit bag soldier. When we came back from Iraq, his M4 was so covered in rust. I was surprised we were able to clean it. But if he thought we wouldn't cross check serial numbers and get away unpunished for it. He was sorely mistaken.
>>664023090 I'm in the same boat. I decided to say fuck it. Deleted my account and focus on the Gym and work. When I get back to shape to what I was 2 years ago, I'll just go to the City and hit up some clubs or something.
>>664023056 yeah, i agree. the thing that throws me off though is sometimes i'll message a girl after she hasn't replied a few days later with a clean slate like "hey, how's x going" and then she'll reply to that and my other message going into huge detail. I'll reply, and then receive nothing
and then i'll message again. and she won't talk to me again.
this has seriously happened about 10 times and it boggles my mind. i have no idea why this happens.
>>664023186 sounds like he deserved it then. shame his actions reflected on you.
>>664023919 i'd rather just not go for any. i'll be honest, i get jealous.
>>664023056 My two cents as a female who has definitely done this a lot in the past, is that usually the dude'll have done something really awkward or embarrassing that we don't want to bring up.
I had one dude who was the worst kissed I'd ever experienced.. left grey sludgey saliva literally all over my face. I didn't want to bring that up to him so I just stopped talking to him. He was a massive douchebag though so I didn't feel bad. He died of cancer last year though which was weird.
Also one dude was a horrible fuck with the most vicious stubble ever, I didn't wanna say that to him so I just stopped replying.
Most of the time we just feel awkward and it's easier to just ignore a problem than deal with it. Wouldn't do that now though. It's a bit immature.
>>664024353 bitches are narcicistic (hence the long messages about themself) and don't have time to listen to your bullshit. Protip: most people (girls in particular) like to talk about themselves even if they say they don't. They are just not into you if they don't reciprocate with questions, so don't waste your time.
>>664024757 thanks for the input but we're talking about women who we don't even get to meet, mostly.
the Tyabb girl didn't want to continue with anything because of the distance, but it still sucked.
>>664025187 oh, i'm well aware of that. i rarely talk to girls about myself, so much so that when we share a common interest (when we meet) they'll be like OH MY GOD I DIDNT KNOW YOU LIKED THIS AS WELL
and i'll just be sitting there nodding and smiling, quietly thinking to myself, "i wonder why"
>>664026072 yeah it's alright. i just know people here and the convenience of living here is amazing. i live in the center of the city in a large one bedroom apartment and pay $200 a week in rent. Aldi is a 2 minute drive, Maccas is 3 minutes and Safeway is 5. i lived in Altona for a while and it took me at least 10 minutes to get anywhere vaguely interesting.
I'll probably just finish up uni and move somewhere else eventually, but for now it's alright
>>664025582 yeah, women today are ridiculously spoiled and feel grossly entitled. I blame the Disney princess culture. They all expect a rich, handsome prince to swoop them off their feet without them having to lift a finger in talking, sex, relationships, whatever. Anything like that in their profile/interaction is a red flag.
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