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ITT: Shit you hate about Dating Websites
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 305
Thread images: 58
ITT: Shit you hate about Dating Websites
>"I'm not looking for a hookup"
>Is on Tinder
>>
>"Chubby"
>Is obese or morbidly obese
>>
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Cunts like this.
>>
>"Idk I'm an open book, ask me anything"
>Is unable to write even a 3 sentence paragraph about themselves.
>>
>>663999038
That fact that I cant even use tinder even if I wanted to :(
It wont send me the verification code
>>
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>>663999343
>>
>>663999343
I read it as Big ender
fuck yeah my kind of person
>>
>"Trans"
>No option on many sites to filter-out or filter-in sexual preferences.
>thatisaman.jpg
>>
This shit
>>
>>663999038
>I'm an easygoing girl who likes pizza, friends, and netflix!
>>
>>663999038
When girls are only there for attention/likes.

STOP WASTING OUR TIME!

>When they can't hold a conversation

Literally the worst.
>>
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>>663999038
when you actually start talking to somebody on their you like and then they stop talking to you
>>
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These
>>
>>664000485
This. Majority of them are there to show off and get attention. The ugly ones are there for sex
>>
666
>>
>>664000304
Actually I'd probably fuck it just for the thrill. Body looks decent.

Let's see what else...
>fat girls with normal faces and six selfies from the neck up
Best tip I know is to look for the collarbones.
>>
>>664000304
90% of the time people who act like that are full of shit. It'd be worth trying at least. If those things were true, like TRUE true, they wouldn't blurb about them. Those are often the easiest people to get to know if you just ignore the stupid bullshit they put up.
>>
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>>663999343
we really need a hero to clean up this country.
that is beyond cringe, it's puke.
>>
>>664000684
>look for collar bones
Thanks m8. Will use this
>>
mainly bitches on dating sites thinking they the shit but they fail to realize they're on a fucking dating site, like get over yourself, you are bottom barrel bitch
>>
>>664000304

Everyone has their own standards of hygiene.
But seriously, don't expect a lot of hits if you're a stinky motherfucker
>>
>>664000611
I feel you Anon :/

We were talking for a while and one day she just unmatched me out of the blue...
>>
>>664000814
Cause trump would somehow stop people from doing that
>>
>>664000684
Can you imagine how shit caked her ass pubes are? Jesus man
>>
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>>664000611
>>
These girls.. Lmao. I pity them
>>
>>664000684
Protip
>>
>>664000611
Yep.. Had drunks date set up and shit then unmatched outta nowhere
>>
>>664000304
>stop poisoning yourself
>gets tattoos all over
>not realizing most tattoo ink is based on toxic metal compounds
>>
Bump for stories
>>
>>664000684

>Neck up pic
>Neck up pic
>Shitty angle neck up pic
>obscure group photos

also on that note...

>GROUP PIC
>GROUP PIC (with the same people)
>>
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>>664001221
Exactly
>>
They always have one or multiple of these problems
>have a child
>don't have a car
>fat
>crazy ex who's going to contact you and she will eventually go back to him
>>
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>>664001056
>>664001056
>>664001056
>>664001056
>>
>>664001458
You forgot fake catfish /spam
>>
>>664001056
Fucking same, and also hate the 10/10 ones that put their baby picture at the end
>>
I matched with a hotttt ass bitch. Only to find out she had two kids and was 22.. Like wtf. Unmatched quick
>>
>>663999038
How often engaged/married/pregnant women use it to cheat

How often hideous, fat, "I'd pork you if I was out of options and drunk" women get such an ego boost from cucks who try to sext them in such a way that they wind up looking like they from some other continent

How scrawny, 4/10 guys with patchy facial hair wind up getting a huge ego boost from hooking up with Landwhale Lauren once, to the point that they suddenly think they are Pussicles, the legendary hero of procreation
>>
When their pics are like
>Group
>Same group
>Two people from the group
>Same group again
You can never tell who the fuck it is, although 99% of the time it's the ugly one
>>
>>663999541
or..

>ignores any basic conversation starter.

WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ON?
>>
>>664001056
>"i am a fun person and have a great personality"

well that's not up to you, is it tubbers?
>>
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>>664002024
>pussicles, hero of procreation
I can't breath
>>
>>664000913
worst part is she added me on facebook and conversation was great for the first week or so, now its the 6hr later replies, like I'd much rather her just tell me to fuck off and be done with it, but she seems pretty great
>>
What's a good thing to start a convo with? I usually say "hey beautiful. :)"
>>
>>664002402
> my dick is cold, can i hide it in your to warm it up

Works 60% of the time, all the time
>>
>>664002024
This is the entire point of this app, retard
>>
Bump. This thread has potential to be great
>>
>>663999038
protip put an photo with you and an animal as the first photo, increased my matches by so much, and quality of matches
>>
>>664002484
Ahhh. Do they respond with "lol u so funny" or fuck off?
>>
>>664002402
i start with "oi" works pretty well for me
>>
>>664001224

>Set up Tinder date
>I'm a few years older
>nobigdeal.jpg
>She's a little chubby/fat but has hot face
>can compromise
>Go to meet her at predetermined restaurant
>Am late, check restaurant for any parties of one.
>no tables with single women
>begin being concerned
>find out she was waiting outside the back entrance to the restaurant.
>......ok
>I see her face
>shes not like her picture
>the shitty angles made her look thinner and hotter
>is fat-fat and not chubby
>disappoint
>go on date anyway because fuck it
>hit up different restaurant for some reason I cant recall
>talking over lunch
>her inexperience is showing
>high school-ish dramma
>then the clincher
>she: "Yeah like the Big Bang Theory is pretty much my favorite show ever. I like how scientific it is"
>My fucking sides
>Politely make up excuse and leave after lunch.
>>
>>664002628
Are you a ginger tho?
>>
>"I have a boyfriend, only on here to meet new people"
Bitch, please. Everybody on tinder knows what the fuck it's for. "It's not cheating if I put a disclaimer".
>>
>>664002655
KEK. No Pussy from her?
>>
>>664002619
p much just drop their panties and we get to work
>>
>>664002571
Gonna have to use my mom's boyfriends cat
>>
>>664002678
nah think that would help?
>>
>>664002861
Would seem more fitting. Ima try it.
>>
>>664001773
literally the worst part of the app. it's like being in an abusive relationship. few girls are socially competent enough to flirt with, and when you finally get a match that's semi-attractive, it's a bot. you get your hopes on and then it dumps a load of diarrhea on your chest.

>>664002619
anon pls. they don't respond at all.

either that or he's using a fake profile pic, but then what's the point? dude ain't getting his dick wet either way.
>>
>>664002655
You made the right choice anon.
>>
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>>664002949
>>
Busted chick's like this get laid?
>>
>>664000611
I started talking to a girl, but havent talked to her for a few weeks now after my last text was
>thank you

Is it weird that i start talking to her again?
>>
>>664002030

---Flowchart---
>Is there no profile pic?
YES = She's Ugly. NO = keep looking
>Look for consistent faces (this is obvious)
>Is there a very tall/very short girl?
YES = Its that one. NO = keep looking
>Is there a fat girl?
YES = Its that one. NO = keep looking
>Is there more than one ugly girl?
YES = Its the ugliest one. NO = keep looking
>Is there a picture without any people in it and effectively no clear picture of the person?
YES = She's Ugly. NO = Fuck it Swipe Left
>>
>>664003244
Would be very weird unless you met in rl. Go for it though. Not like you have anything to lose. But much to gain
>>
>>664000684
note taken, thank you anon
>>
>>664001056
>asking for a male to take care of that nigger dump
>gas those whore
>>
>>664003296
Saved for future references
>>
>>664003459
Max kek
>>
>>664003242
they do, buy busted as fuck dudes
>>
>>664003350
More detail?
>I asked her why did she swipe me right
>She replied saying i seem like a nice guy
>I replied thank you
~end
>>
Girls like this
>>
>>664003630
Bot
>>
>>664003618
Oh, unmatch immediately and move in. Any further comments would result in her showing her friends on a lunch date of how thirsty you are
>>
>>664002770
I tired making a pass and it didn't stick.
I wasn't willing to lower my standards to try anything but the most minimal of effort.
>>
>>664003618
*move on
>>
>>664002494
There were three different things, friendo.
Are you saying it's for cheaters, or for the self-esteem of people who don't deserve self-esteem?
>>
Would fuck or nah?
>>
>>664000697
Who's getting to know them, you don't fuck their personality.
>>
>>664003814
Ignore him. He's autistic
>>
>>664003630
budget Aubrey Plazas with personality to match?
>>
>>664003871
How about no
>>
>>664003871
Would probably hit once.
>>
>>664003871
do it, get that 30% off latte
>>
>>664003988
I would say.. Maybe
>>
>>664003871
God no.
>>
>>664003630
>trim eyebrows
>different hairstyle
>makeup
>fresh Aubry plaza
>>
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>>664001056
She's thick but she loves it
>>
>>664003618

You asked, she replied.
It was on you to steer the conversation away from a dead-end.

Now you can say
> "Oh wow, I've been off this app a while, How's life?"
>>
>>664003871
Vagina?
>>
>>664003871
wouldn't fuck er with somebody else's dick
>>
>"adventurous"
>take me on an adventure
Do I look like Peter Pan?

>"don't just say 'hi' or I won't respond"
Said hey to a girl like this once just because it pissed me off, and shocker, she responded

And of course "I won't hook up with you." Spare me, lady. It's a hookup app and you're not asexual.

Oh and "just here for friends." So you're picking your friends off of their attractiveness? I actually ran into a chick who I already knew who said that and I called her on that and she admitted she was in the wrong, and I finally felt vindicated. Take that, society!
>>
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> look for gay bf
> mfw gay guys mostly look like faggots
> find a few nice looking guys
> mfw they are older than me and are still going to university studying some kind of humanities degree
> mfw I read "I am an artist", "I am a musician"
> mfw supportive comments about refugees who would like our gay asses dead
>>
>>664002655
Me again

>Went on Tinder date yesterday
>Pics of her were a little iffy but I know people can look better/worse irl
>scrolling through pics
>looks mixed-asian but not made of forehead or totally flat faced.
>wears cute glasses.
> something seems iffy about the pictures
>uncanny resemblance I can't shake.
>meh-fuck-it she meets the minimum of my standards
>has pic with kid
>could be hers, could be sibling
>kid looks like 7 year old boy
>her age: 28
>it'shers.jpg
>not a deal breaker
>Talk logistics with her
>decide meeting place
>get coffee and start talking
>a growing unease
>Starts telling me about her 2 kids
>2 kids
>her two daughters
>wat
>picture was clearly a boy
>sneak onto her profile during date to double check
>androgynous child detected
>whatever
>unease greatens
>the pitch of her voice
>the cadence of her speech
>the subject matter
>>
>>664006172
Big finish! She's your sister right?
>>
This. Like wtf why is she interested in men if she says shes only interested in woman
>>
>>664006172
Or...or... your ex? The kids are your little adrogynous seeds running around all asian like with sandles and straw triangle hats
>>
i right swipe every black girl no matter what because i already know its a lost cause
>>
>>664006172
She's Kim Jong Un in disguise and now you are a slave to the North Korean master lace?
>>
>>664006172

>single mom
>little gap in the front of her teeth
>can't stop talking about how tough she is/how much she can fend for herself in a fight
>My nope-meter is beeping at 10/60 npm (nopes per minuet)
> The more we talk the more it becomes clear
> 15/60 npm
>I've heard this kind of bullshit before and these excuses
>"I once stabbed a guy with my stiletto" (shoe)
>45/60 npm
>When I'm talking (even briefly) she looses interest and kind of spaces out
>That voice
>my involuntary disgust
> it hits me
> She sounds
> looks
> and talks like
> my shitty white-trash cousin
> Nopes at 70/60 npm
> Maximum disgust.
> sneak text bro to "call me with something urgent"
>Nope the fuck out of there
>Next morning "So when can I see you again? :)"
>Thursday after Never
>>
>>664007220
I for see some chocolate smashbox in your future anon. Maybe even some nice master/slave roleplay.
>>
When your having fun and stuff then you see this nig nog
>>
>>664007546
i meant left lol i hate niggers, the only ones i would remotely give a chance are the ones who actually were taught the alphabet
>>
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>>664007602

that bitch is so hungry she took a bite out of herself
>>
>>664007602
Bitch looks like my dog when he wakes up after sleeping with his head against my foot.
Kibbles?
>>
>>664007855
my sides
>>
>>664007855
looks like shes from some anime where she got shot but it missed and hit her hair
>>
>>664007602
HER FUCKING NAME KEK
>>
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>>664007602
&
>>664007220

Motherfucker be like
> 18/F/CA
> F
> implying
>>
>>664008057
I MEANT LEFT SWIPE FFS
>>
>mom at full time mom
>>
>>664002129
top kek anon
>>
>Has boyfriend
>Isn't poly
>Doesn't deactivate profile
>>
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>>664002129

sensibly chuckled
>>
>>664000340
things that every human likes
>>
>Inbox Full
>"wait for them to delete some messages"
>Maintain your active profiles cunts
>>
>>663999038
YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS?
>>
>>664008794
im down lets go
>>
>be me
>looking for Females
>ages 18-35
>within 0-30 miles of me
>I check recent visitors
>...
>M/56/Peru
>>
>>664008794
Tfw you've only got one eye
>>
>>664007507
Nopes per minute, i fucking died bro..
>>
>>664008852
she had no eye
>>
I hate how most girls have their egos over inflated on there like even even the tubbies get full of themselves cause they get bombarded with messages from desperate beta fucks.
>>
>>664008934
ask her fo a date and be like eye'll see you later
>>
>>664008934
Things I can't unsee.
insert "see" joke etc.
>>
>>664009142
Kek
>>
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>Using OKC
>Using Quickmatch
>F/18/FL
>Pic is pic related
>lern to profile
>get good scrub
>>
>>664008934
ask her if you can fuck her eye
but fuck the good one
>>
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>>
>>664008934
Ask her if her dad was a pirate
>>
>>664008934
Whaaaaat the fuck
wear a patch and a Renaissance Chemise (boob shirt)
become pirate wench
get dick all-day-erry-day
>>
>>664009540
freak accident at bring your kid to work day
>>
>>664009713
Eyeee m80
>>
Bumping for more stories
>>
>>664000950
He an anti-marxist so
>yes
>>
sometimes if my GF doesnt open the gates of heaven, i start wondering: is 7 years of relationship really worth missing all the tinderfucking and one night stands and stuff?? but thanks 4chan, you brought this newfag back to his GF XD this is pretty horrible, coming across these great personalities and some even dating them
>>
>>664008934
Invite her out for eyes'd coffee?
>>
>>663999343
i would have sex with this person
>>
>>664008934
ask her what her fav song is. tell her yours is eyes eyes baby by vanilla eyes
>>
>>664008934
invite her over to watch spy kids 3d with the red and blue glasses and watch her sphagetti over getting tired from trying to see through both lenses with one eye
>>
>>663999038
>girl starts conversation
>tell her I already have a gf and I don't want to to anything behind her back
<hey I have a boyfriend and I don't want to do anything behind his back so we both are in same situation =)
It gets painfully obvious that she's into something more since I said we could be strictly friends and she responded all like:
Oh well I guess
Fucking bitches man
And this was on tinder
>>
>>664000861
Also looks closely at the arms near the armpits. One of the last places that develop large fat deposits in obese people. Bingo wings, man. I also check the temples.
>>
>>663999038

does anyone have expirience with traps on grindr? are there even many out there?
>>
>oh, you want to go premium?
>$22.50 per month

gfy Tinder
>>
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>>663999038

HA! I haven't even thought about a dating site in years. Let me tell you anons about my short experience on dating sites.

>be 20
>putting myself through college
>full class load
>work 45 hours a week but making ok money so I do have a little bit to spend.
>Have own car, and apt. but in the city closer to work about 18 miles from college cause it's much cheaper.
>not much time to spend with a girl but would like a chick that I can relax, fuck, have fun with.
>try chatting up chicks at school.
>most don't want to come to the city. The few that do are pissed that I'm not a rich city boy.
>Fuck this! I'll just find a regular non-college chick. They'll be more fun anyway.
>try dating site.
>find two girl over the course of a month or so.
>like I said busy as fuck
>Meet up with one girl for dinner on a sat. night
>tell her I'm in college but I got my own place. >"Are you rich?"
>"No, I'm working my way through school,"
>You can visibly see the girl lose all interest.
>Whatever chick is a cunt.
>Remember my only standards here are "don't be ugly, don't be a cunt, and want to just chill and have fun."
>So take out another local girl.
>mfw she asks the exact same question.
>haven't tried online dating since.
>>
>>664012862
So did the girls lose interest because you were rich or because you weren't?
>>
>>664003871
Couldn't date someone who can't spellcheck
>>
>>664002628
I start off with "Oi lemon squash" which for you cucks that can't read Australian roughly translates to "Hello there, I find you attractive and would like to engage in sexual intercourse with you."
>>
>>664014229

Broke ass city girls thinking that cause I'm trying to better myself I must be rich. I wasn't by a long shot my 2 room apt was $300 a month and I drove a POS 15 year old honda.
>>
>>664014887
I'm even more confused. Even if they wrongly throught you were rich, don't girls prefer richer guys?
>>
>is 15
>is on Tinder
>>
>>664007507
Those are not fun dates to go on.
>>
>>664000304
Eh, I don't shower every day either and when I do, I don't use soap.
>>
>>664008934
If you talk to her only ever refer to her by her name and only ever say Mranda
>>
>>664001056
where i'm from so many single mothers.
>>
>>664003630
That's a man, baby!
>>
>>664002030
this. fuck yes, this.
>>
>>664015272

Yeah but I'm fucking 20 years old, how many rich 20 y/o have you met?

Besides it seems like a pretty fucked up prerequisite to dating someone at that age.
>>
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>>663999343
>>
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>>664015984
How I relate to this so fucking much. Single mothers, junkies who fuck anything and anyone, fat dykes. This place sucks to all holy hell. I want to move so bad just to be able to date.
>>
>>664016294
Still even more lost. So girls have a prerequisite that they only date rich guys but not rich guys that are only 20?
>>
three glorious conversation openers and no replies after this screenshot.
>>
>>664017388
>>
>>664017426
>>
and then there's the bots....
>>
>>664001056

I wouldn't even mind these bitches if they could assemble some reasonable sens of balance.

Bitch in pic was 19 with 2 year old. banging body still cute, seemed cool little gamer girl.

because she's a mom, no sense of common courtesy. "I'm a mom I have more important things to do than spend the 20 seconds to tell you my plans need to change." Fuck you that's not an excuse.

It's great you love your kid, but I'm not here to find out about him so stop talking about him.

Unless you've at least started fucking me, I'm not taking your kid with us somewhere. I know you want him to be comfortable but that isn't my responsibility unless you give me a fucking reason.

What makes it triple funny is I know this bitch found a dumb guy and if fucking around on him. whore.
>>
>>664017088

you're obviously retarded, kill yourself.
>>
I only went on a tinder date once in my life but here it is
>match with kinda chubby emo chick
>I try not to be too forward with chicks at first
>she starts posting pictures of her in her under wear and shit (ya'll know about tinder moments?)
>we start talking about favourite sex positions
>hers is doggy (like everyone else in the world)
>also mentions she loves anal
>we decide to meet up
>she comes over
>wearing short dress, looks like her photos, not bad
>we lay in bed and watch movie
>start rubbing my dick on her ass
>"when are you gonna fuck me anon"
will continue if anyone else is still lurking otherwise im out
>>
>>
>>664016743
amen. see you on the other side bro. fucking women here marry at 19, kid by 20, divorced by 23.
>>
>>664017716
Inb4 spaghetti
>>
>>664017716
inb4 Nessy, but continue
>>
>>664017509
you are offering "cheap" pizza , they are going to err on the side of caution and assume you have cockroaches in your house
>>
>>664017388
>>664017426
>>664017459
wow. women are pretty stupid. or just low standards.
>>
core concept
>>
>>664018101
... or i could just mean dominos or something
>>
>>664017716
>>664017917
sorry to disappoint you anon
>we're laying side by side, im sort of spooning her i guess
>i position her over me
>she pulls my under wear down and starts suckin my thang
>worst bj ever by watever
>okay lets fuck
>she lays on her stomach
>i pull her underwear down to her knees
>put a jimmy on cos dont wanna get aids
cont?
>>
>>664003618
>>664004593
this
>>
>>664017660
Says the 20 year old billionaire who can't pull a tinderslut, must be something seriously wrong with you, time to follow in the footsteps of the supreme gentleman.
>>
>>664018299
read my comment again and focus on the last part, im honestly trying to help you.
>>
>>664018516
considering how they replied i highly doubt this is their assumption.
>>
>>664018516
Yeah youre a massive faggot
>>
>>664018634
did you did you not get a date? look do what you want
>>
>>664018489
keep writing queermo
>>
>>664018731
i've been on plenty of tinder dates. stop trying to sound impressive with your vague bullshit
>>
>>664018694
christ i was trying to help, i get tinder dates after one comment but you can buzz off if you think im going to help you anymore
>>
>>664017716
Still lerkinnnnn
>>
>>664018489
Stop asking to continue and fucking dump story faggot
>>
>>664017509


wow they seem pretty much into you Thomas
>>
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Saw this a couple months ago. Never screen capped anyone but this.
>>
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>>664019088
my name is not Thomas, my name is anon, as is yours.
>>
>>664018800
only replying to you cos of ur dubs you faggot anyway
>stick my dick in her ass
>btw never fucked a girl in the ass before so didnt know what to expect
>slowly slides in but really tight
>try not to fuck too hard cos i want to last as long as possible
>she basically cant contain her self you can tell she loves it
>know im about to cum soon so start fucking her hard
>shes moaning and squeezing the sheets begging me not to stop
>end up pulling out and taking the jimmy off and blowing all over her ass
>she's obviously a dirty whore so why not right?
forgot to mention the only reason why we were doing anal is cos she was on her rags lol theres more though if yall want me to continue
>>
In all fairness, she was a stripper but gid gud fags. Work with what you've got. I'm not even that good looking.
>>
>>664019121
lol. 1 chance out of 2. Were there any other pic ?
>>
>>664017388
>>664017426
>>664017459


Pretty smooth for a bullshitter, whats your chance of even getting this far in a group of 10 tinder girls?
>>
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>>663999038

that you need facebook for that shit.
>>
>>664019349
dude just dump the fucking story
>>
>>664019349
Cont
>>
>If you're under X'Y" height don't even bother
I'm fucking 6'2" and fuck those bitches. I have solidarity with my shortbros. Hey I prefer tall women because I don't like to stoop to kiss a girl but even I wouldn't say someone isn't worth my time because it slightly inconveniences me.
>>
>>664019510
this
i'm not making a facebook account just to troll some bitches on tinder
>>
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>>664019405

You have a nice flair m8, I like a good charlatan. But does it frankley work on irl? Level with me here
>>
>>663999163
>>"Chubby"
>>Is obese or morbidly obese
This is true for most girls advertising for guys online. They are usually either:
>a: obese or morbidly obese
>b: hot and petite but stealthmode psychopaths who scare men away by behavior or reputation
>c: some combination

protip: Normal desirable females have an inbox full of "ay bb u wan sum fuk" as well as guys propositioning them in person daily.
>>
>>664000611

or they talk and remove you :( happened to me today :(((
>>
>>664012862
your mistake is that you took them out to dinner!
should have found girls down to just chill (i.e. play wi tennis or help polish your rock collection, then fuck instead)
>>
>>664000611
your first mistake was catching feels for people on Tinder

grow up fam
>>
>Is "just looking for friends"
>Picture is a close up of their cock
k
>>
I think I am to ugly for tinder so i'll refrain myself from polluting the app with more hideousness
>>
>>664019895
>first mistake: you have a facebook account
>second mistake: you have a tinder account
maybe third place at best
>>
>single mom
>not interested in hookups
>slutty picture
>slutty picture with kid
>angled pose last pic is full body whalelord
>fat people
>catfished
>>
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>>664019432
i'd say 60% of my matches respond, maybe a little more... So I guess 6/10. I don't always open up with that kind of message since some chicks don't write anything in their profiles and it's hard to write something original every time.

this is what girls don't understand. they get bombarded with 'heys' and get sick of it. they don't realise just how many messages the average guy has to send to get a single response. why the fuck would we tailor a message to each and every girl when chances are she'll just judge us on our looks anyway?

double standard bullshit. but that's online dating, i guess.

pic semi related
>>
>>664019895
Fukin ay right m8. Who does that shit. Romance happening while swiping for possible orgasm partner
>>
>>664019349
>>664018947
>>664018942
>>664018489
alright watever i hardly ever post on /b/ so ill just dump the rest of the story you savages
>so i hand her a roll of toilet paper that was on my shelf (fap roll) to clean up
>i get a drink of water and a beer
>she smokes a bowl of weed
>basically i had some weed laying around and offered her some
>we chill for about 20 minutes before going again
>this time she gets on top
>shes kinda heavy so immediate regret
>"just be ready cos all my wetness is gonna on you"
>"alright watever"
>she starts riding me and like rocking the whole bed
>shes moaning and having a good time
>im not really enjoying this tbh but watever
>eventually get over it and switch positions so im on top and shes got her legs spread
>put it in her ass again and fuck her hard
>shes squirming and trying to contain her self
>pull out just to tease her
>"omg dont pull out anon"
>but it back again and fuck for like another 10 minutes or so
>cum inside her (while wearing a jimmy)
cont
>>
>>664003765
>standards
>tries to fuck a pig
>>
>>664020097
*dick moved 3 cm
>>
>>664019819

This was like 2001 and the whole social media thing didn't exist yet. In those days it wasn't really possible to just get a girl you met online to just come over. Girl were told every guy online was a stalker/killer/psycho so go meet him in person.
>>
>>663999343
>Turned Right of course
>>
>>664019405
What country do you live in anon? I swear Aussie Tinder chicks are like talking to a brick wall, they write the most generic shit
>pic related
>>
>>664019725

Well, sometimes it doesn't even work on tinder, brobeans lol. I gave up on her shortly after this, I don't have to chase after some cunt who can't type a sentence. I will say though that being clever is a shitload easier when you have as much time as you want to reply.

In person there is a lot more dead space and awkward moves but I'm just honest about that shit to try to weed out the shit ones.
>>
>>664008934
Is everyone just glossing over the fucking Shared Interests on this?
>>
>>664019995
This is pretty much true. But I had less luck. Mainly for I live in the middle of nowhere. But you get hit by the double standard all the time.

You can tailor a response, basically showing you actually read something they wrote and they'll never respond.

But honestly the thing I dislike the most is when you are actually talking so someone and they reply and you actually talk to them for a bit and things are really hitting off. Then it suddenly stops. No replys. They just stop talking to you. It's disappointing
>>
>>664020550
Fuckin' A mate
>>
>>664020097
If youre gonna keep asking if you should cont then please dont. Just stop. Please do not cont
>>
>>664012862
You should have said "Yes I am rich!" and then fucked her and never called again after making various promises to spend money on her.
>>
>>664020550
most of them are fake imo. if they don't have interests/mutual friends (ie if they don't have Facebook) i don't expect anything
>>
So far, my experiences have been:

> good looking chubby that later slimmed down and actually looked great with great face, finished some bullshit literature degree, best sex I've ever had, extremely needy (wanted 1+ hours of conversation/day despite her not being interesting enough to have anything to really talk about). lasted a month

> decent looking chick that seemed interesting and into me but was actually insane and got committed to an asylum

> great looking chick that was into me, likes the same type of humor, not a golddigger, but fucking far away. moves to the UK (making her impossibly far away from just far away), gets in long relationship with other guy she was into less because also there, turns out she was also extremely needy and bitchy just from the stories she'd tell me of the relationship.

> chick that was fun-ish to talk to for a while, had obscure pictures, looked like about a 5/10, decided that'd be fine given her personality, meet IRL, 0 chemistry, she's 2/10, we barely talk again.

> some aspiring writer that was just there for conversation, but she does make for great conversation, so I was happy with it

> a "all i need is a coffee and a book type" that i haven't met yet but am highly skeptical of

> a 5/10 that makes terribad puns and shows me cool obscure content

All in all, it's not too bad, but I do it for the shits and giggles.
>>
>>663999343
Welp. Time to down another fucking bottle of alcohol.... Fuck that is ugly...
>>
>>664020097
at this point im pretty tired and about 5 beers down so now i just want to get rid of her
>we watch the rest of the movie
>movie finishes and she gets her bag and stuff and gets ready to leave
>she asks me what im looking for and i just tell her that what we did tonight is pretty much it
>shes into it which is cool i guess
>as shes walking out of my room im walking behind her
>lift her dress just to see dat ass before i leave
>decide i might as well fuck her one last time
>i bend her over up against the wall
>shes into it
>pull her panties down
>quickly grab another jimmy and put it on
>start fucking her ass again while grabbing her tits
>this girl seriously loves being fucked in the ass
>shes moaning and tearing my posters off the wall
>she can barely stand at this point
>im like tipsy and already fucked 3 times at this point so i dont even have to worry about premature finishing
>fuck her for like 10 minutes before taking her back to my bed
>she gets on her knees
>fuck her doggy for another 10 minutes
>shes just laying there with her face down ass up squirming and having an orgasm
>says she cant take it anymore so i lay her on her back
>take the jimmy off and slide my dick between her tits
>grab the lube we were using earlier and lube her titties up
>pretty big tits like double d? like i said she was kinda chubby
>fuck her titties for about 5 mintues while shes licking the head of my cock
>cum on her titties
>after i cum she sucks on my knob for like 30 secs
>she cleans herself up and i send her on her merry way
we did meet up a couple days later but thats a story for another time i guess
>>
>>
>>664021012
oh stfu you little pussy what have you contributed to the thread?
>>
>>664020735
i work with an older bloke who's taken to giving me some life advice. some of the best advice he gave me was this:

women of average or below intelligence are intimidated by smarter guys.

i've not mastered the art of talking like a douchebag over text but i'm slowly working on it and it has unbelievably rendered results
>>
>>664018151
>low standards
>Tinder
>>
>>
>>664020909
that happens to me all the time. all the fucking time. i'll never understand it. it's not like it's a one-off "oops my phone got stolen/messages were erased/stopped using the app" type scenario due to the frequency of this occurring. it's like... if i'm boring you just tell me
>>
http://revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/how-to-get-laid-on-tinder-how-i-banged-10-new-girls-in-5-weeks/

If you are going to take this shit seriously follow a strat like this^ or just lower your standards for a bit and fuck a few fat chicks like I did to get a fresh breakup off your mind. All the "pretty" bitches online are usually scum of the earth with standards not even Tom Brady could fucking satisfy.

Online Grading Scale
>1-3 feminist half man goblins that think they are too good to fuck you (The majority online)
>4-6 Fat chicks with pretty faces or ugly faced girls with ok bodies that you settle on fucking if you are realllllly desperate (your best chance of getting laid)
>7 You can do better in real life but settle on fucking/dating this one after talking for appx 1-3 weeks online. (Way too time consuming for my hormones and actual fucking time)
>8-10 Robots or girls looking for a sugar daddy. Sometimes you get a lucky lay when they are taking a break from being goldiggers and want to fuck someone on looks alone, but these bitches could easily snag a decent man in real life under 6 hours of being outdoors, ulterior motives for being online esp Tinder.
>>
>>664021264
Any examples of how to sound a bit dumber?
>>
>>664021211
What.... what am I seeing....
>>
>>664020550

Jesus Fucking Christ give me an area so I know where to vacation. They like americunt accents, right?

I'm actually on Guam for work. That's why I'll probably head to kangaroo land.
>>
>>664021058

True, true. But at 20 I probably didn't think I was slick enough to pull it off with my crappy car, apartment, and clothes. If I knew then what I knew now I'd probably just make up some bullshit.

I wasn't looking for a soulmate but I was kinda pissed it seemed so fucking hard to find a chick that is just down to watch a movie, eat some pizza after I just had a 90+ hour week.
>>
>>664019510
>>664019693

So are there worthwile alternatives to tinder that work without a facebook account?
>>
I hook up with a few girls off tinder and I am married. Risky business but hey it was worth the risk. I did a few things my wife won't do. Girls were 7.5/10
>>
>>664021570
just go to a bar
>>
>>664021140
Continuing

Something I forgot to add.

Dating websites are the absolute bottom of the barrel. There's always going to be something wrong with the girls on there.

You live in a society where girls are raised on pedestals and given free tickets to everything as long as their flaws are not extreme. Any girl that's really worth it will have been approached by many men in her life. If she decides she wants to date, she will already have a pool of guys she thinks are decent choices and ways of meeting many more.

All my best relationships have been with girls I have met outside of these sites.

Don't get your hopes up, and don't take it too seriously.
>>
>>664021424
The thing is. There was this one girl where it didn't seem that way at all. Sigh. It was so much easier when I was in the Army and didn't care and just wanted to get my dick wet before I left for deployment. But now that I'm out and want something solid. It's like damn near impossible. Maybe I should go back to being a womanizing D-bag going after college women who want a fun time
>>
>>664021433

I've tried this and it does seem to work. Basically talk like the way you think a nigger would talk.
>>
>>664021406
she looks like an ape.
>>
>>664009142
You fuckin got me man
>>
>>664021433
abbreviate words, don't use larger words than required, don't use grammar, etc

i've not got the whole pet name thing down yet, though.

i never really feel comfortable calling a girl babe. i think it's the stupidest fucking word on the planet and every time i go to type it i just assume they think the same.
>>
>>664021058
this nigger knows whats up, as long as she can't change her order to lobster during the meal.
>>
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>>664021746
well, at least she didn't cry rape because you said she should come visit.
>>
If the girl has her fucking whole resume in the description it's a no go.
>>
>>664021406
>tattooed for 6years

Holy fuck. That's a fucking fast rythm...
>>
>>664021697
Yeah. I learned this the hard way. I deleted my account for I got tired of it all.

Though I'll admit. Sometimes the crazy girls are kinda fun. But not enough of those kind live in my area
>>
Negars
>>
>>664019405
Good job fucking a stripper, dude. Strippers know they don't have to give it away for free, so she must have been impressed by something. Strippers know how to say no. Gratz /b/ro
>>
>>664005013
I hope you high-fived yourself.
>>
>>664020735
This kind of shit is my regular in person personality and I can guarantee it works great for making friends, not getting dates. I do like your style though, anon. I'll buy you a beer if we ever cross paths.
>>
>>664022307
you're wrong.

strippers are generally horribly damaged. they will be sick of the guys that frequent their bar and try and find something outside their norm.

i almost fucked a stripper once. so glad i didn't. she was damaged as fuck and i wouldn't be surprised if she's offed herself already.
>>
>>664022049
Wow. That's crazy. And 2 hours. That's nothing. I once drove from Sacramento to Reno to hook up with a crazy Russian girl. (And turns out she was crazier then I thought) but it was fun. But totally not worth a 2nd drive
>>
>>664019995
you should just commit to making a world with better women by opening with man facts:
man fact #1: never use hands when giving a blowjob
man fact #2: always make eye contact when giving a blowjob
man fact #3 most men want a girl who is our personal slut in private and classy and proper in public
>>
>>664022219
1 gemensam plz
>>
>>664022495
The fuck #1
>>
>>664000950
He won't, but leaders like him are a step in the right direction
>>
>>664022476
i once drove from Ballarat to Tyabb (Victoria, Australia. Look it up) to meet and potentially shag some girl.

i did it. we did it. then i liked her and she ditched me. at least she sucked my dick i guess.

>>664022495
i disagree with all of those statements. everyone likes different things i guess
>>
>>664022454
Very true. I had a Soldier in my unit who married a stripper. Didn't go well and I know my unit had been called in several times to get chewed out because of drama they cause.

Thing about the Army. Everyone suffers because of your mistakes
>>
>>664007507
>>664007507


Nopes per mimute. Fucking wow.
>>
>>664003630
>Girls
>>
>>664019349
post a picture of her already
>>
>>664007507
Maybe you should adopt a two-strike policy.
>>
>>664022689
yeah i couldn't imagine doing that. i obviously don't personally know every stripper but i can only imagine most of them have serious issues
>>
>>664000304
Must be nice being female. I'm sure she still gets plenty, but a dude would never catch a whiff of pussy acting like that.
>>
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>>664000611
I know that feel
>>
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>girls with other guys in their pictures
>pictures where there are multiple people
>"I dont reply to messages with only saying hi", greet her with something to talk about and they still dont reply
>profiles with millions of pictures
>bots
>>
>>664022648
See thats messed. If you went that far for her and she actually had a blast with you, I just don't understand why she just dropped you without a word.

Honestly. After 28 years on this god forsaken planet. One thing I learned, when guys dump you. 4/5 times they will tell you why. Women 4/5 times will drop you without a word and hope you realize that after a week of them not replying to you means that they are over you.

Basically I gotten to the point that if I haven't received a reply or hello after 3 days, it means that they don't want to talk to me anymore.
>>
I live in a small town. So I only get 20-25 tinder matches, 50% of them just talk once, the other ones, never.

I also really HATE I always have to write the first word. I can stay for weeks and no first word from they. Never.
>>
>>664021541
Guam that's cool man. I've been to Palau. Cool places, those tiny islands.
>>
>>664022817
Well he was a shit bag soldier. When we came back from Iraq, his M4 was so covered in rust. I was surprised we were able to clean it. But if he thought we wouldn't cross check serial numbers and get away unpunished for it. He was sorely mistaken.
>>
>>664023090
I'm in the same boat. I decided to say fuck it. Deleted my account and focus on the Gym and work. When I get back to shape to what I was 2 years ago, I'll just go to the City and hit up some clubs or something.
>>
>>664004593
>It was on you to steer the conversation away from a dead-end.
It annoys me to no end that this is always on the guy. Especially when these bitches don't even try to be interesting.
>>
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>>664020528
I like this one.
>>
>>664022454
I'd say around half are damaged, but the smart career strippers are the ones you wanna go for.
>>
>>664021541
I dont really know anyone who likes american accents, back home or any of the places Ive visited over here in europe while back packing. Unlucky champ
>>
>>664015274
profile pls? Those get me hard
>>
>>664023146

Yeah man, its not a bad life. They're beautiful, except Chuuk. The Chuukese are kinf of like the abos up here. Chamorro people HATE them, and are very vocal about it lol.

Pic related.
>>
>>664023056
yeah, i agree. the thing that throws me off though is sometimes i'll message a girl after she hasn't replied a few days later with a clean slate like "hey, how's x going" and then she'll reply to that and my other message going into huge detail. I'll reply, and then receive nothing

and then i'll message again. and she won't talk to me again.

this has seriously happened about 10 times and it boggles my mind. i have no idea why this happens.

>>664023186
sounds like he deserved it then. shame his actions reflected on you.

>>664023919
i'd rather just not go for any. i'll be honest, i get jealous.
>>
>>664021541
Stick to the east coast anon and you'll be fine
>>
>>664017730
i like metamemes
>>
>>664023056
My two cents as a female who has definitely done this a lot in the past, is that usually the dude'll have done something really awkward or embarrassing that we don't want to bring up.

I had one dude who was the worst kissed I'd ever experienced.. left grey sludgey saliva literally all over my face. I didn't want to bring that up to him so I just stopped talking to him. He was a massive douchebag though so I didn't feel bad. He died of cancer last year though which was weird.

Also one dude was a horrible fuck with the most vicious stubble ever, I didn't wanna say that to him so I just stopped replying.

Most of the time we just feel awkward and it's easier to just ignore a problem than deal with it. Wouldn't do that now though. It's a bit immature.
>>
One last funny name before I go to bed because why not? I deeply regret not making an all aboard pun.
>>
>>664019405
>have to talk like this to pull chicks nowadays

No thanks, wank and a bong rip sounds lovely.

PS anyone remember the early days of texting and MySpace? When chicks you hardly knew would hit you up out of the blue to fuck? Pepperidge farm remembers. When did it all go so wrong?
>>
>>664021406
>m
vegan badass powerlifter... kek
>>
>>664024353
bitches are narcicistic (hence the long messages about themself) and don't have time to listen to your bullshit. Protip: most people (girls in particular) like to talk about themselves even if they say they don't. They are just not into you if they don't reciprocate with questions, so don't waste your time.
>>
>>664007507
>npm
rotfl i love you
>>
>>664024757
thanks for the input but we're talking about women who we don't even get to meet, mostly.

the Tyabb girl didn't want to continue with anything because of the distance, but it still sucked.

>>664025187
oh, i'm well aware of that. i rarely talk to girls about myself, so much so that when we share a common interest (when we meet) they'll be like OH MY GOD I DIDNT KNOW YOU LIKED THIS AS WELL

and i'll just be sitting there nodding and smiling, quietly thinking to myself, "i wonder why"
>>
>>664022049
>Ballarat
No wonder it didn't work out you ice fiend.
>>
>>664025648
hahahaha

fucking hell dude. i hate this place, but it's like a black hole that just sucks you back in no matter where you end up
>>
>>664025731
Yeah so you can get your next fix.

Seriously though, there are so many nicer places closer to the city.
Architecture is nice but it just seems so dead.
>>
>>664022495
>how to give the perfect handjob
>step 1: use your mouth
>>
>>664024757
>it's easier to just ignore a problem than deal with it.
Female psyche in a nutshell.
>>
>>664026072
yeah it's alright. i just know people here and the convenience of living here is amazing. i live in the center of the city in a large one bedroom apartment and pay $200 a week in rent. Aldi is a 2 minute drive, Maccas is 3 minutes and Safeway is 5. i lived in Altona for a while and it took me at least 10 minutes to get anywhere vaguely interesting.

I'll probably just finish up uni and move somewhere else eventually, but for now it's alright
>>
>>664025582
yeah, women today are ridiculously spoiled and feel grossly entitled. I blame the Disney princess culture. They all expect a rich, handsome prince to swoop them off their feet without them having to lift a finger in talking, sex, relationships, whatever. Anything like that in their profile/interaction is a red flag.
>>
>>663999038
>"i need someone to support me and my kids"
>my kids cum first
>"if you are looking for a hookup look somewhere else"
>>
>>664026558
that's only the ones who know they're hot as fuck and can get any guy they want. most average looking women aren't like that, and the ugly and/or fat ones know how hard it really is.
>>
>>664026646
>i don't mind if your kids cum first
>as long as i get to fuck them
>>
They have ALL the guys they want. Just make a fake tinder account, you will get hundreds of messages all over the day. Even if you are ugly/fat.

Its so easy for them. Theres always a guy for every time. Dont be a fool and try to play the nice guy role, if they are on tinder they are just looking for a fuck.
>>
>>664026716
I don't know, I think it applies to a lot more plain/ugly/fat women than you think IME. Also, black women, they're deluded as fuck.
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