Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps. The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact. You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random
I've gotten little to no sleep the past few days. I've been so stressed It's been difficult for me to even communicate with other people properly without just finding myself at a blank and not being able to think about anything to discuss. Anxiety's been going through the roof and I've been having trouble focusing. I just want to get in my bed and die.
My disease keeps me from enjoying life, I constantly have to keep myself positive just so im not depressed all the time, but then im sure it makes everyone around me feel awkward. I make everyone feel awkward. God, you could feel an entire cringe thread with just a couple years since the diagnosis. Its hard, and keeps getting harder they all wish I didnt work there..honestly the only reason I haven't offed myself is because of my family, god I could be so much more...
>>662872244 >>662872387 Haha oh god no, lucky its nothing like that. I have something akin to IBS but it might aswell be AIDS or something. If anyone has any questions about life or motivation on why life is worth living or life in general just ask, ill discuss what i learned
>>662873848 I can't either. Just found out I'm blocked in. Figures. Much as I appreciate your sentiment, I wanna be alone, man. I don't wanna talk to friends. I don't wanna talk to strangers. I don't wanna talk to anybody. I want to stop existing. I want to stop existing or for someone to give me a reason to exist again. I've totally lost it now. It hurts to be alive.
>born into poverty >dad beats us >mother always working >brother rapes me when I'm 7 >very sick kid, in and out of hospitals whole childhood >no body ever visits me >nurses all feel bad for me and always treat me nicely >it sucks when I have to go home and back to getting slapped around and raped >leave when I'm 15 to go live with friend I met online >really underestimate how far away he is (floridafag here, he was in massachusettes) >don't even get out of the state before my medical condition acts up >pass out in mcdonalds bathroom >wake up in ER, Dr tells me dad is on the way >have a panic attack and try to leave >they restrain me >dad gets here >pushes on my stomach telling me how fucking mad he is that he had to drive 3 hours >tells me if I cry he'll kill me >leaves >picks me up when It's time to go >get home, he wallops me around some more >been on my own since 18 >no friends >work at shitty best buy >barely afford my shitty apartment >get food stamps >never had a girlfriend >never been in love >don't think I've ever been really happy
>>662875150 terrible, im sorry that happened man. life can fucking suck, the only thing keeping me going is the fact it CAN get better. i mean just imagine if suddenly life was amazing, i mean finding that perfect person to talk to and connect with, its all in your thought process. think good thoughts because it will get better, you just need to try
>>662875150 I bet you're a really great guy, I hope you know that. I hope you know that how much life has thrown at you, you've still managed to rise above it and progress. I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of that. You didn't deserve that and you don't deserve the conditions you're currently living in. You deserve better, I wish I could give you better.
>>662872611 When I read that poem it kinda hit home for a bit. I would stay up all night alone thinking about what happens to you when you die, and after awhile I became scared of what might happen if I died like "will it internal darkness of will I go to heaven or hell?" The more I thought about the more I teared up. I went back school just completely out of it, everyone in my school is an asshole and is always at each others throats, it has come to the point where the days go by and I just zone and just wonder what life be if this thing didn't happen and this did happen.
Had a kid with a mother of 3 who's still legally married to her husband and lives with him. Not only did I not want a child yet, but she wants to move two states away and wants me to come live with all of them and marry her.
I kinda feel like a shit for not wanting any of it.
>be me college 2nd year >have group of friends who I see every time I go home >have one friend, let's call him C >C goes to a different college >after hs C starts experimenting with pot (no biggie I do too) >not only does pot but moves on to shrooms, laced weed, more hallucigens >doesn't keep up with his school work even though he's at a low level state school >drops out blames school for stress created health problems I honestly think he could have done it if he stuck to school instead of partying and experimenting but whatever we supported him >goes to community college back home with some others in our group >told us he was put on new meds for his stress and anxiety >would text us about living in a terrible home enviorment where parents always argued about him >said his mom kicked him out Later we found out that his new meds caused hallucinations so all his sceanrios including getting kicked out was all in his head >grows distant from us but occasionally we hang out >we help him get a job in town cause he drops his courses >one week in he calling us freaking out that he saw the manager doing crack >quits next week no notice no nothing >saw him one last time at the bowling alley last winter break >don't ask about his job just talk about how he's doing >doesn't say much just says he wants to move out cause he hates his family >we part ways while I think things are OK for the most part last week >he asks to be removed from our group chat >tells us not to contact him >we ask him nicely what's wrong >we're his only friends basically >no response earlier today >later ask him again but this time I push it and tell him that we are his only friends and he's not being himself so why block all contact >I mean I push him really hard saying "you can't hold a job. All you do is smoke pot all day at home. You've changed man" >here it comes >says he heard me planning to call cops on him >wat >tells us all to fuck off and we're all working with his mom to ruin his life Cont...
>autistic piece of shit >failing school >Probably going to fail school and end up getting support from the state >live at home, can't affoard anything else >get beaten like a little bitch even though i'm 18
This one won't seem all that bad, I've been in much worse places than this before, but this might be the first one caused by my conscious decisions. So I've had issues with depression and anxiety since I was a child, they've been getting progressively worse, my therapist thinks I might have schizophrenia on top of MDD and GAD. I started college last fall, complete hermit, slept most of my free time, only 'friend' I had there was my suitemate, and that's just because I smoked weed with him occasionally. We were caught with weed halloween night, but I digress. Anyway, a few weeks before classes started, I met a girl, let's call her Lucy, on tinder. A few weeks in, our relationship was intensely complicated; she had some big issues, and I had mine. We sexted, went to each other when we were starting to spiral, always there for each other. Long story short, we become best friends and she was really my only light in that shit time.
Around November, doc put me on antidepressant/antianxiety meds, and they've been working so far. But Lucy was still really the only one there for me when I needed someone. But our relationship was too confusing for me, we'd bounce between a romantic relationship and friendship, neither of us were really sure how we felt towards the other, and she insisted that she didn't want a romantic relationship, so eventually with my new, drug-induced normality, I found someone else, who's now my girlfriend. Lucy said she couldn't handle not being the most important in my life, so she said she couldn't talk to me anymore.
People have told me to just drop it and forget about Lucy for a while, that she's just a needy, psycho bitch and not my responsibility. I can't do that, I'm too scared for her. She has issues that run pretty deep that only I know about, I can't just stop trying. Maybe I'm fucked, maybe you can really only truly be concerned for someone if you've experienced what they've gone through. I don't know. She was the first girl I ever loved.
The fact that I am nothing more than these pills (4mg xan) and all my money goes to drugs in a cycle that I've been following for years including vyvanse, adderall, coke, ketamine, LSD, MDMA, LSA, oxies, mushies, kratom, salvia, and DMT. Along with the staple everyday drugs of weed Xanax and whiskey (jack)
>>662876884 How do people like you do it? And by that I mean logistically and financially. I feel like I barely have enough time in the day to do anything, let alone be high and drunk. Doesn't it suck being hung over and broke all the time? How do you afford it? Do you just not eat? Makes no sense to me.
>>662871149 Im dead inside, will walk the earth going through motions I care nothing about. Waiting for my end. I feel nothing. No joy. Some lows but I remind myself they arent real and bury them. I dont even think Im capable of love anymore. I once was. But Iv trained my emotions to block all. Anything I show is just a facade. Sort of like that show Dexter (except i dont have crazy homicidal blood thirst) I just go day to day in an act. This is my life. And the best I can do with it is small amusements to keep me SLIGHTLY less bored. The only ambition and motivation I have is to keep my act up to not be a failure in eyes of people around me. If I had no family or friends. Im sure Id be dead or homeless. Not that I live with parents or anything. I have a decent job and all and a house. But I feel like if I didn't have to keep this front up. I wouldn't care and all would fall apart. Meh. Cheers. Wasn't always like this but a serious emotional mind fuck a few years back just kinda killed me inside. And although seemingly Iv recovered to the people around me ( and even to myself ). I am just not the same. And I can feel it. Im empty.
>>662876399 Cont... I'd show the screen cap of the conversation but I got so upset I deleted it. Somewhere along the line he started taking something that turned him into a full paranoid schizophrenic. He literally won't acknowledge this. Thinks some sort of conspiracy is trying to ruin his life. He was one of my best friends for 4 years. I'll never see him again cause of his condition. He is permanently fucked because of hard drugs and isn't even old enough to legally drink. I don't know what to feel just glad someone can read my story. I lost a dear friend long ago but today I finally saw that all that is left is a tweaking schizo. Also sorry for shit formatting I'm on mobile.
I hold the gun in my hand. It's heavy. Heavier than I thought it would be.
The trigger is so small. Yet it hold so much power behind it. Just one light squeeze and my life would be over. All the suffering, sadness, disappointment, all of it would be gone in less than a second.
I hold the gun in my hand. It's getting heavier by the second. I start to doubt if I'm strong enough to finish this. I have a bad habit of not finishing things.
I hold the gun in my my hand. I raise it to my temple and close my eyes. I think about all the people that would miss me. I don't have to think long.
I hold the gun in my hand, next to my temple. I start to cry. I'm scared of dying, it turns out. A coward, as if I wasn't already bad enough.
I hold the gun in my hand, and put it back into the drawer. Tomorrow I'll be stronger I tell myself. There's always tomorrow.
>>662877160 Kinda stopped eating/sleeping on account of how much I've been taking vyvanse recently, I'm still at my job my boss worries about me and always says I look like shit and tries to get me to go home and sleep or to take me out to dinner, but I just get my work done and leave, I'm a very functional on weed, alcohol, Xanax, and vyvanse the rest I do at home or on Sundays. I don't hate my life that much but if I was ever stopped from this routine I would kill myself without a doubt
Nothing really, live off 50$ a week. Less actually. Barely see friends anymore, friends let money get to their head and went different paths. I'm not as materialistic anymore, been through alot of shit, probably what made me the way I am, which I'm extremely greatful for, but idk man. Nothing really. Life could be better, but thankful it isn't worse.
> be 22yo single dad > dating on and off for past 3 months 20yo single mum > only reason its been off is because i stupidly called it off about a month ago > the thought of fathering another kid more then my made me feel like i was almost cheating on my son. Was struggling with it all > anyway got back with her after bout a week but never officially > just kinda seeing each other. Which i fucking hate > shes travelled interstate today (approx 500 miles for you amerifags) > spending two weeks with her best friend > happens to be her pussy hungry ex > i dropped her off at the fucking air port and everything > shes basically a guy with tits a puss > solid 7/10 im like a 5/10 > loves gaming > loves anal > loves been dominated > fucks like nothing ive ever experienced before. Actual amazing > awesome cook > basically shes a fucking unicorn /b/ > i feel like im nothing compared to her and have it in my head that im gonna lose her over the next two weeks > she says she would never go there because of past history rarara also apparently one of her exs recent fucks told him she might be HIV positive. > kinda feel like she said the hiv part to make me feel better > if it was any other girl i wouldnt give a shit > shes never given me a reason to not trust her > but ive never fallen so fucking hard for anyone before. Not even my kids mum and we dated for 3 years > feel like complete utter shit and just want some company > not a friend in site > havent smoked pot in 2 years but thinking now might be a good time to find some
>cute girl started talking with me in class for the pass couple weeks >talk mostly about school, and music >start texting >she asks If I wanted to hang out and study later >Hellyeah.jpeg >tells me to meet her that on compass cafe at 3pm >I only take 2 classes that day and my mom drops me off >I wait there from 12 am so I'm not late >"Oh, you're already here. Having you been waiting long?" >N-no I just got here >awkwardly force out a loud "HAHA" >guy walks in and she waves at him >introduces me to her boyfriend >mfw
I used to be a wildland firefighter. I was in a contract company. Started off doing fuel reduction, pruning trees, piling the branches, then lighting those fuckers up. It was great, and I was good at it. Eventually I was offered training to go out and fight. It was the best.
Anyways, I eventually got posted on man-up, It's what you guys would consider stand-by but there's a different system altogether for that. Most days we'd have to sit by the Helicopter all day, sometimes if we had a long enough getaway time we could actually chill out a bit, we'd usually help the camp boss or the other camp cooks (they'd always throw a little extra somethin-somethin are way for it, maybe some extra snacks or some desserts they hide from the other contractors) after we'd go work out, play vidya, whatever. Good times.
One day I met this engineer girl, Shannon. She was straddling the top of our Heli doing maintenence on it. I fell in love immediately. She had this beautiful red hair. The most badass scar running down the left side of her face just off of her eye straight down her cheek. Looks like she took a tail rotor to the face. I never had the balls to ask her. But I tried my hardest to battle the beta I was and I did talk to her. She showed me this thing she built, kept in the back seat of her car, It was one of those arms they attach to the front of a heavy to make it a heli torch, dropping petrogel for prescribed burns. One day the local rancher came by and she went pale as a ghost, she's terrified of horses. I held her hand to help get over some of the fear and feed the thing an apple. It was hilarious. The way she looked at me after though.
ever since i got a job i've been helping to pay bills because my family is so poor and my dad doesnt work. i'm only 19 and every paycheck i give it to my family and i only get so little. my older brother married a bitch wife that dont do shit and they live with us. i babysit my siblings and help them do their homework after i get back from work. i go to school and my gf barely has sex with me. also i think i have depression because i barely eat and sleep long hours with no motivation to laugh or smile around people. dont know what to do with life.
I was really beta back then, Too beta to go back after shift. Too pussy to tell her how I felt. Too much of a bitch to take her into the forest to get high and have sex.
The next day she told me she has to leave, her and the pilot had to start a project in Invermere. I had to stay where I was, at work. It was the worst I ever felt. I didn't say a word the rest of the tour. I'd been hung upm on thhis girl for a year hoping to find her again.
One day after I ended up back at the same camp, I saw the pilot. I asked him what happened to her and if theres a way I could get a hold of her. he told me he's not allowed to g ive out that info, understandable.
>>662879639 Sometimes, people may just want to share. Not everyone wants a response, some people want to vent. Getting such empty advice is something that I, personally, would find even more disheartening.
money man, just money. it aint the end of the world, im on a good path, i can stick it out, but today is just one of those days where i can just feel the burn of the sacrifice and its been a long slow burn with a couple more years to go. cheer up kaksakas!
I Miss a girl called yanca. she had all those dreams about me and her together, but she lives in another coutry. I Just break up with her becouse it is very hard for us both to stay in this kind of situation. right now i miss her as hell. And she hate's me...
This is gonna sound really weak compared to your guy's stories but I just want to compare myself to them to know I'm not in that bad of a position >16 y/o kissless virgin >low 7/10 or high 6/10 >don't care about v card but at least want a first girlfriend and first kiss >I'm really good at dates though >Saw star wars last week with my current crush >easy 8/10 >tried the old yawn /put my arm around her >hit the guy in the seat behind me >got uncomfortably awkward >Movie ends >didn't even get to enjoy cause I was trying to impress my date >drive her home in a peice of crap '81 El Camino >big ass house >rich dad doesn't like me cause I'm poor >tough brothers(4) don't like me cause they're douches >none of them really like me except her mom and little sister >go inside >mom tells me to make myself comfortable and gets me a water bottle >not even 3 seconds later the dad threatens me to get out of his chair >end up just standing in the hall waiting for my date so we can go get dinner at fancy restaurant I've been saving for months for >Little sister comes over and shows me her painting of me and her sister (my date) in a erotic fashion >mom blames it on one of the brothers >give a chuckle toward him >date finally gets changed into smoking hot dress >I'm ready to gtfo >before we go dad pulls me aside >"you really wanna fuck my daughter anon?" >"I've never said that sir" >"well this says differently" >he shows me the fucking painting the little sister drew >"that's just a painting sir" >"I bet you wish it wasn't. how would you two like to stay for dinner?" >"no thank you. I've already made reservations at El Borrego De Oro" (fanciest restaurant in my town) >"what? Don't you like the house your future wife was raised in? Is there anything wrong with her house?" >Mom:"Ya why don't you stay anon?" -Cant really say no to the mom >"alright" >go to my car for a quick smoke cont.
>>662874785 Dude the incredible thing about this is that in the end if you end up with a great triumph than reliving all the sad moments would be like re watching fight club. Knowing that there is a great ending makes the sad times worth remembering. I remember watching Naruto and every other character hated the main character and treated him so badly everyday and he would feel awful and cry. Eventually everybody starts to love him so much that they would cry because of how stupid they were to have treated him so badly.
>>662880284 No meds or pot. Room was heated too, I woke up sweaty as fuck. I was on my stomach though I believe. And nothing really new in my life. But the crazy part is I had some sleep paralysis during the "first scene" basically woke up, drank the water next to my bed. And scene two started like this was a movie. Also slept in the dream? Fuck dude it's weird.
>>662879425 Gave up halfway through.... Too many details and not enough of a point. Fun fact though, these are two of my first dozen posts at the most since '07. Back to lurking, have a nice night everybody.
>>662880284 personality wise shes stubborn, but with a heart of fucking gold. would do anything for anyone, she does say that she loves and deep down i don't think she would cheat. the reason she left her ex / best friend was because he cheated on her and fucked off interstate leaving her with a lease and rent to pay on a house she couldnt afford. my anxiety and paranoia is at an all time fucking high lately. most women ive been with have been what id consider kind of below me, in looks and both personality. this is the first time ive dated someone who in my opinion is way better then me and its intimidating as fuck.
also thanks for listening anon, even just these few messages, as little as it is. its fucking awesome to have someone to listen to it all
My girlfriend left me for my best friend, the one guy that had the nerve to call himself my brother, and I couldn't have felt more betrayed. Every girl afterwards that I've talked to since our breakup has found a boyfriend weeks after initial flirting. All I have left is my friends in the brotherhood.
>>662880401 Yea anon I just hope I find someone who'll pick me up an support me and know when I'm dying inside with a smile out..like I just want a woman to accept me for me an not for money or to just get closer to my brother an fuck him or w.e sorry for ranting but Idk I'm just done with life....
You know what pisses me off more than anything? Not being invited to shit. I'm not talking about having a shitty friend group who hates you, but the fact that I'm apparently too boring to have anyone text me to do something. I'm fucking tired of sitting at home, I'm fucking tired of having to watch every single post on instagram be of a hangout with my good friends without me, and I'm really fucking tired of having people not want to talk to me because I'm not as interesting as the next guy. I know I can invite people, but then you're gonna be that guy who just sends out countless invites with no response. Why can't I have a friend group that cares about me? Is it something with my personality? Do I have to change my entire social life to try to be less lonely? Can I have one person actually invite to some shit besides a birthday party? Can I please not be lonely? I don't do anything weird in public, but I'm not cool enough to actually be invited to shit. My grades are shit, my social life is shit, and I feel like shit. I just want the feeling of someone who is loved by someone, who someone appreciates them.
>>662880025 >money This. I'm working 60 hours a week trying to save up for school, but more than half my take-home pay is going to help my mum out. My dad left her two years ago and is still fighting any attempt at a formal settlement. He's going on vacations to the Cayman Islands and shit and she can't afford to get her shitty car fixed, or pay her bills. So I'm giving her whatever I can, and it's just barely enough, and meanwhile it's becoming increasingly clear that I'm not going to be able to afford to go to school this year. My GF left me last week because I don't have enough time to see her (work in a kitchen so I work late in the evening and weekends). Fair enough I know but it still fucking hurts. She's seeing someone else already I'm pretty sure.
Eh. Nothing to be done about it but stick it out, I guess. It just sucks. I was really excited about school, really looking forward to going.
The girl I loved blocked my phone and my facebook. I was dating her for 5 months and when I first invited her over to my place she stayed with me to sleep and we fucked. She later claimed that I raped her after she thought I gave her an STD (which I didn't)
I'm pretty intense and stubborn and there was no warnings, so I blocked my number and called her. She picked up but when I said "Hey" she hung up. I called her like 15 times in a row until she answered, and I just asked her why she blocked me, she said she didn't wanna do this anymore, I told her that I loved her very much and didn't wanna lose her, after a while she said that there was something else that she didn't wanna tell me (she was raped before, had an abortion, was abused as a child, and is an alcoholic) I don't think she cheated on me because she had said so. If she did then karma will do her thing, but I was going to convince her to tell me, told her that this was the time to tell me since I would never hear from her again. She hung up. I called her 30 times until she answered again telling me that if I kept going she was going to get a restraining order. I just told her that I wished her the best and that I hoped she finds happiness in her life, and that I was sorry for whatever harm I caused her and that I hoped she finds in her heart to forgive me, and then we said good bye. I know I shouldn't have called her 30 times in a row but I just really needed to have closure.
Thing is, she said she loves only when I'm fucking her, and she relates a lot of pleasure with pain. She likes to get hit during sex and she likes BDSM, but her ex used to hit her too and she lasted 4 years with him. She said she loved me 2 weeks ago, then I went to another country for vacations and when I came back she said she wanted to move on.
Fuck this. It's not the first time she's not sure about us and she always comes back, but it's the first time she blocked me for good and I think now it's done for good.
>>662880579 Cont. >youngest brother comes over >"you smoke joints?" >"you got a problem with that?" >"no but my dad will" >"well it's good he won't find out" >"how do you know that?" >"cause you ain't a snitch" >take him back inside >"what the fuck we're you doing out there with my son?!" >"it's ok dad we were just hanging out" >"alright then" >"dinners ready!" >godletmeleave.jpg >sit next to date >dad just eyes me down whole time >"so anon, what are your plans for a future with my daughter?" >"well to be honest sir I've never gone past a third date with anyone so I was just planning on going through with this date and carry on from there" >huge scowl on his face >"so you just expect me to go with that when you roll up in a car that's older than you and my daughter combined?" > date just looks at me like >do_something.gif >fuck this shit I'm out >go to my car >smoke one and head out.
For anyone wondering we're going on another date this Wednesday night. Her dad has banned me from their house though. The youngest brother and I don't really hate each other that well but him and my youngest brother are friends.
>>662881041 Anon I totally understand what you mean an well try getting out of your comfort zone or something. An those "friends" you have ask them upfront an see what there reason is for not inviting you that's what I did an they told.me I'm to much of an asshole so I changed a bit an bit my tounge at times an now I'm somewhat good friends with em
>>662879943 I was devastated, She wasn't there. She wasn't there. I never felt so awful in my life.
The worst part of it isn't that I never had her though, It's the realization that she doesn't exist. I fell madly in love with a girl over three days, and I hung myself up on her. It took me a year before I had confirmation that it wont happen. Even now I still have feelings for her. And I just spent four months getting over my actual girlfriend.
When we were still together she told me that she's more worried about my thoughts of Shannon than any other girl I've been with since.
I'm a lot better now so you guys know.
The fucked up thing is, my ex Tristen, I loved her. I spent the last four months getting over her, I'll tack on my pasta of that story. But right now, writing this, I'm getting that feeling back. I'm asking myself right now and I don't want to know the answer.
Do I love the thought of Shannon more than I love Tristen? I'm not comfortable with this.
>>662871521 I kinda feel like this pic. I have aspergers, or whatever they call it now. I'm high functioning. No one knows I have any form of autism. I work and I live with roommates and I socialize with coworkers while at work and with my roommates. But other than that I feel no desire to look for contact with other people. If I don't see a single person all day I don't really care. I'm not burning any bridges, but they are all slowly just falling apart. Even though my life has been improving due to hard work, I don't really care. I don't know what I'm working towards, if anything. I can't even imagine dating someone right now. I have lots of interests and I know how to interact with people without seeming like the neurotic mess that I am, but every time I speak there's a part of me in the background telling me to just shut the fuck up. I can't stand the sound of my own voice. I can see it on the faces of people I interact with that the longer I talk, the more they stop caring about the subject.
My ex left me for someone else. And it fuckin sucks because I trusted this guy, but in reflection I think she dumped me immediately after cheating on me with him, because she started dating him right away.
Shit sucks, we were together for 3 years and totally happy.
If only you guys would believe me when I tell you that the solution to all your problems relates to some kind of breathing and sucking in your stomach. I read over 200 books and I used to be depressed all the time. Now my emotions always feel so good like a child and my thoughts are so clear and powerful. I started out researching buddhism but I went pretty far into my research. I found so many weird crazy books and the solution to everything. I think chakras are a key point in life. I used to be the most awkward depressed person. Now I feel like I might be able to rule the world someday.
>>662880947 Dude my first left me for her best friend and when she realized he was a drunk and coke head she begged for me back i said we all have to live with our choices and i choose not to take her back for the fear of losing her again you will find that one it might not be soon but its worth the heartbreak trust me
>>662881530 I know, I just loved her energy and to hug her. Last time I hugged her was yesterday and even she was in her towel before going to shower, I told her to show me her tits and she did and I grabbed them and I kissed her, I should've fucked her right there because she's more into being dominated which sadly is also what triggers her PTSD. I should've fucked her then and make her have an orgasm so she would love me, she even admitted that her oxycontin levels when I fuck her makes her love me. But I didn't fuck her out of respect, tho I knew it was the last time I was going to see her. I knew i could've convinced her to fuck one last time but I didn't and I left. Then the next day she blocked me.
I don't know why I like fucked up chicks. She works in the film industry as a visual artist and I do to as a sound designer and I'm also a musician. I dunno.
>>662882141 Girls arre just doing what they are programmed to do. Without them who would motivate us to be stronger. Men need to suffer through women to better themselves. When a women leaves you for somebody else it means that he was the better man. But this isnt permanent you can always become beter than him.
>>662877254 everyone who is depressed feels like this, me too. my advice is honestly to get to your lowest low and build yourself up from it. ive been experimenting with psychedelics for a long time and ive completely destroyed and reshaped my mindset, not in a way that makes it easier, but rather I understand that it will never get better unless I try to make it that way. life is only how you make it, and we all chase a satisfaction that can be achieved by any means - when we're depressed, our satisfaction comes from our sadness, the lonliness and the crying, but the feelings it leaves us with feel like shit, yet we never really can muster up the energy to change it. I cbf to write any more but read up on buddhism it pretty much hits the nail on the head if you manage to understand and relate it to your own life. peace brother
I been in love with this girl for almost a year.. Now that I'm freed up to do something about it she's getting married... I'm not going to derail her plans or act on anything..just going to let it be and get over it.. Just sucks right now
>>662881757 Dude i sat in a house on thanksgiving with people i fought with jumped shot at and vise versa and laughed and cheered with them me and her bro fought all the time now we share blunts and pour each other shots
>>662880586 beautiful way of explaining it, just like that old white lady who later on Oprah apologized to the Little Rock Nine people for being racist, one day looking back you will laugh, and it will be amazing
>>662880746 shit man i dont know, set intentions before you sleep, "I will have good dreams", "I will dream of a chick with huge tits" that sorta thing, other wise worrying will just make it worse
>>662880821 you just need to do what you think is best, then do that. really simple, the tricky part is following through
>>662880906 no problem im just glad i was able to be there for you, you just sound like your nervous but i would always watch out for a girl whose so willing to meet up with an ex like that, also maybe not thinking of your feelings so much
>>662881983 dont count me out of the way, recommend me some books nigga
>>662882749 I seriously doubt she'd even care if you did prove her wrong. Dwelling on the past is why most of us are sitting here on an image board talking about feels instead of being productive members of society.
"Animals are innocent. Why should they suffer? Why should children suffer? Will you tell me that? Why should any baby have to suffer, and die?"
"Why should men?"
"Oh, come on, now. Don't try that one on me. You've got answers for it! Like 'pain makes people noble.' And 'how could man be more than a talking, tennis-playing panda bear if it weren't, at least, for the possibility of suffering?' But what about animals, Hud? Does pain make turkeys noble? Why is all of creation based on dog-eat-dog, and the little fish are eaten by the big fish? Animals screaming in pain; all of creation an open wound, a fucking slaughterhouse!"
/b/ I want to die, here's what happened in 2015 >Meet girl of my dreams >Fall in love >Everything's great >4 months in, she cheated on me with coworkers >Breaks up with me for her career, at mcdonalds mind you >4 days later one of her brothers dies >I go to see if she's okay, pushes me away >No contact >She got me fired >ff December >Guy she cheated on me with cheats on her >Her younger brother, close friend of mine, an hero'd >I'm devasted >Tell her I'm sorry for what happened >Tries to reignite our relationship >With someone else now >Still love this bitch
>>662883094 Children suffer for a reason. We develop our core personality traits based on our own childhood experiences, which usually include being bullied/teased by our peers. People are evil assholes no matter what stage of our life cycles we're currently going through.
>>662882492 Ya I doubt I'll be able to make ammends with her family right away. They are a really tight conservative family and just really hate any one with a car operations than '92. On the other hand though I now have a couple inside sources that can help me gain back his trust. Prom is coming up and I'd like to take her but her father is the type to refer that sort of thing. So fingers crossed. Thanks for the insight by the way man. You're helping me a fuckton
>>662883414 It depends on who you are. Some people by not giving a shit will stop caring about their entire life. And just become unnattractive. Not giving a shit can also mean to quickly move on to another girl and not even feel any loss from the other one. It depends on who you are.
>gf of 2 years starts doing meth, puts me in jail >get out, rescue her from whore house, move her in >start doing meth and pimping her out >kick her out >might have hiv >fought new best friend, stole his girl, fucked up their relationship >fuck her friend in front of her at party >bored
>be me, 15 >lonely, feeling sad alot >just play vidya and browse 4chan, basically all i did >one of the few friends i had introduces me to a girl >she is fucking made for me >same interests, same way of thinking >finally feel happy again once i start dating her >not only my girlfriend, also my best friend >her mum has lived in england for 20 years >she wants to go back and live there with her family >keep dating the girl for 2 years. >they are finally able to get permission to move out of the country to live in england >she leaves, we try to keep a long distance relationship >miss her too much, decide to end it because i dont want her to miss me and feel as shitty as i do >never spoke to her again, try to forget about her because thinking about her just makes me sad and makes me miss the times with her >mfw 5 years later and i still miss her, still lonely and i lost my girlfriend and best friend. >i want to end the pain /b/
I wanted to say that even tho you may feel totally alone, out of luck, totally out of motivation. I believe that that some people make it and some people dont because of reasons. Those reason is mostly "the poor girl/boy diddent make it because he lived in a poor country, this person was raised with violence, mabey even sexual abuse. This happens all the time. Small innocent children that doesn't understand anything and looks up to the grown ups, yes many of these children aren't as lucky as u lets put it like that.
Being ugly. fat. without motivation, depressed, hearing voices, wanting to do an hero, wanting to be totally alone, wanting to blame the parrents or brothers or friends or the hold world is so normal.
3 years I've been locked inside 1 single room. To make it short I've been afraid of everything. I wanted to tell how I got out of it all and how I really fucking believe you can too, no matter how you look. Yes I said no matter how , the fuck, you look.
1. Accept that you've been alone for a long time and u feel lone and u have trouble being social because of this. accept it.
2. Accept that wont get the things u want right now. accept that you mabey never will get them.
3. This is very importent. stop blaming your family, friends, people. for everthing. but still dont blame yourself. Just let it be and let it go. Very importent that you start taking responsebillity for your actions from now on and forget past. no matter what it is. murder or what it is nobody cares. if u cant forget it u need to confess it. the end. or u will never come to step 4. never.
step 4. Pain. Think about it. Everyday u "think" u go thru pain but really u are injoying your small moments all the times. Pain is coming when u have no drugs, alchohol or whatever it is. Even thinking about getting drunk or high will make u happy. You are not going thru pain. Accept that your future 1 year will be PURE pain, and u will be able to do it. good luck
I hate sleeping. I hate being alone in bed with thoughts, wondering what the fuck I've done with my life, who I've left behind and will never see again. Sickened by the fact that I've been afraid of every friend I've had since I was 14, afraid they'll betray me or I'll fuck it up. Unconsciousness is barely out of reach, taunting me.
And that's just to whet my appetite for the dreams. >I dream that my parents are still alive >I dream that I am beautiful >I dream that I can fly >I dream that I've met my soulmate >I dream that I'm not a fuckup
And then I wake up, feeling worse than I did before I went to bed. It's one of the greatest mysteries in my life why I don't just an hero.
>>662884823 Sry for all the grammar fails. English is not my main languange. I still hope u will read it thru 1 or 2 times to understand what I mean. If u disagree please write, I am here alll the time.
I've been dating this girl I've known since I was 4 since August and things have been going great. Sex is awesome, she plays vidyas, we share the same interests etc etc. But I've recently found out that a lot of guys that she hooked up with in the past have been messaging her trying to "re-kindle" being fuck buddies and it doesn't appear that she's advancing on their requests, but it doesn't appear that she's saying no either. I'm torn /b/.. I love this chick, I have for a long time and I've confronted her about it but its still continuing. What do?
>>662886605 Venting. And I guess it just confirmed something I already knew: We don't change our lives until it gets bad enough, and you have to be prepared to experience some pain if you ever want it to get better.
Still, being sad about how you fucked up your life is one thing, but grieving for people you've lost, or carrying the guilt of other lives you've fucked up, that's something entirely different.
>>662886753 I think u know that taking all these things is making u kind of "addicted" to them. Mabey u need to start not taking pills. I know its not as simple as that, But I still hope that u have someone that can help u away from all these fake "happiness things", and mabey one day you will be able to produce your own really pills (inside your brain) - have u spoken to your doctor about this before?
>be me >20 yo >7/10 on a good day >work really good job where I make a lot of money considering my age >when not at work or partying, I'm in my room playing vidya >haven't had a gf in years >last time I had the sexuals was about a year and a half ago >don't really care about sex, just want a girlfriend >7/10 as long as not fat >likes vidya and anime >enjoys staying in >isn't a bum/has a job
is that so much to ask? Idk where to even start looking. Any one know of a good way to meet a girl like that?
Love life fuck up. That's what sums up my thoughts at this time. Story time, bit long butfuckit.
Curnnlty 21 yo, in the army(Israeli Jewish fag). Few years back, something like four and a half years I girl I met this girl, let's call her R. I met her at her birthday party, we had a common friend. Since the moment our eyes met, I know this is the shit the movies and the books talked about. I fell for her so bad. Like most of us, not an alpha, didn't say or did any thing, but just started to talk with her on Fb. Over the time we met a few times, with friends and alone. We had so much in common, I mean we loved the same things, music, movies, she was the missing piece to complete my puzzle of love. But after being friends for something like 6 or 7 months, I decided that's it. I've got to something. We met at friends house, drank and talked, and I suggested her that I would walk her home. It was winter and bit raining. We walked towards her house, a few blocks away, and I noticed she was a bit tipsy, not drunk. We reached her house, and when I went for a goodbye hug, I knew it was the time to act. I leand forward to kiss her. But she pushed me away and ran home. I was devastated. I loved her so much, I know I was teenage boy, but they say when true love hits you, you know. And I knew. I don't know what happens, why she turned me down. I sat down on the pavement and started crying. I've never cried like this. There is a is more to this story cont?
And I fucked up hard. Between my self loathing, narcissism, apathy, and general being-fucking-chronically-depressed, I messed up what could have been the best relationship of my life, or so I thought at the time.
I still have major trust issues from physical abuse from my mother. The depression hangs over me, mocking me ... laughing. I try to rationalize it, compartmentalize it, even bargain with it, but the depression always whispers in my ear: "you're a piece of shit" "No one loves you" "why do you even try? You're so bad at learning certain things".
I wish I could confidentially say I wasn't suicidal. I'm in constant cognitive dissonance between nihilism and utilitarianism.
Maybe I'm being melodramatic. Maybe I'm severally depressed. Maybe both. Probably both. I leaned I'm a pretty big attention whore.
And I let all of this come in between the only person who really cared for me. I fucked it up so hard. Now she won't even talk to me.
And I'm afraid if I say too much, I'll come across as creepy or too stalkerish.
Yea, she has stuff to deal with too, but wouldn't someone at least give somebody the respect they deserved by telling them the truth?
>>662887105 Yeah, I really agree with u on this. Idk how to put it really but I just really want people in here to know the fact that no matter what they've gone thru they have the power to come out again. And with 'come out', I mean letting go of the past and be willing to go thru pain to get to another point of their life where they never thought they could be, no matter what they've done. No matter what it is.
I know differents things makes it much more hard and different, but still. The fact that they can be a part of doing a difference for other people. It is real and reachable
>>662882958 Sounds like a good idea. It just freaked me the hell out. Had gf in it and we almost killed each other out of rage. + more. I just had to get it out somewhere once I woke up (3am, where else to go but /b/
so the first time in a long time I'm genuinely content/happy. In the past month I when out on a date for the first time in 6 years. I lost my virginity, I got promoted at work my Self esteem is through the roof but lately I just get these fuckin thoughts
>You dont deserve this >You'll fuck it up eventually >Why are you trying? This fucking devil on my shoulder that I thought I'd gotten rid of. and it used to be easy to deal with, Id drown it out with video games or id just isolate myself till it passed. but now I cant be doin that shit I got responsibilities. Fuck man how do deal with this without burning everything down?
>>662888557 The fucked up part is that the reason I want a 6 or 7/10 isn't even for me. I don't want to bring a girl home whom I'm digging and have my roommates or friends bag on me when she leaves. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I've been too arrogant and self-absorbed to appreciate everyone in my life who genuinely cared. Now I feel like too much of a fuck-up to look any of them in the face and know I'll just slip back into paranoia and resentment so stay away. The loneliness is a bitch, the guilt is a little more so, and the anger I hold towards myself for not being a better person is the worst.
Look this is probably gonna be the dumbest thing I've ever said but i have to. it's been on my mind way to long. I miss you. I completely absolutely fucking miss you. I know you most likely don't wanna get back with me or even really talk to me. If you don't want to you don't have to. I've missed you since you left and when you ran away i was a complete wreck because i thought I'd never get to see or even talk to you again. I hope what ever troubles you're going through has an answer that you'll find. Typing this i really how much of an idiot i am to even think of it. I hope you have a happy life.
I wanted to send this to her so bad but i couldn't I'm to much of a little bitch to even send what a little bitch would say.
>>662889211 That's what i was thinking but we already have history. I don't really even know if she's the same person anymore. I don't know if i want her in my life or just someone. I'm usually an alpha asshole that doesn't give a fuck but shits changed and i don't know why.
>>662871149 I'm 19 and don't know what to do with my life, and trying to figure this shit out is impossible. I don't know what my interests are and it's making me worry coz I won't be able to start my career now and stop wasting my fucking time.
I know this is nothing compared to what most of you are dealing with but I just had to get that off my chest.
>>662889041 send that too her man.Come on i have major speech balls, it doesn't matter just copy paste that think thoughts later. I wrecked a relation ship with a girl that i went too church with. But i stopped going because we had no common interests, i admitted my feels she said she wanted a friend but, i felt awkward. Ignored now im just lonley but at the same time happy. Noone can really penetrate my lonesomeness and how i feel so i stay away. Church was ok but she also kept pushing me away from her even though i tried not being awkward before admitting my feels. Asked if she wanted too hang out etc etc.
>be 18 >have internet girlfriend for 7 months >known her for 2 years >went and stayed with her family in december >9 and 4 hour flights just to get there >sleep deprived in the airport walking around trying to find her >walking up to the baggage carousel >i see her >blonde hair 10/10 >my heart is beating faster than it has in my entire life >we run up together and hug >her mom drives us back to their house >we're holding hands and she has her head on my shoulder >i lean in and kiss her >we kiss for a really long time >3 weeks of heaven >and i come back to hell >im berated and abused by my narcissistic family >im going back in 4 months to go to college >4 months feels like forever >i feel like i might not make it >i feel worse than i did before i left >depression, anxiety, panic attacks >im crying myself to sleep everynight because im not with her
before i met her my life was hell, attempted suicide once and then never again. i should be happy that im going back in 4 months but all i can think about is right now im fucking miserable
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