You wake up, the surrounding others in this shelter, taking slow breaths in and heavy breaths out.
You begin walking towards the bathroom to wash up and relieve your self. The reoccurring nightmares seem to prove their efficiency toward making sleeping next to impossible. You cup your hands under the less than sanitary sink tap, the water starts over-flowing in your palms as you splash the water in your face. This delivers a distinct surge of awareness to you. Thinking to your self how it's 2 in the morning, they might become agitated from because you're, well...awake. Walking back out, you notice Haley, a young girl with an infamous sleep-walking issue. The adults don't mind as much, due to the problem she has. But you can tell they're suppressing their apparent anger.
It's difficult to decipher whether or not she is indeed sleep-walking. You stand there frozen for a few moments. She rubs her eyes, and begins walking back toward her sleeping quarters.
You step outside for some fresh air. Spotting the moon just beyond the evergreens. It's illuminating the area quite well. This makes the idea of "night" seem irrelevant.
You let out a sigh.
"Oh well...lets head back in"
As you're heading back in you spot Haley once more, noticing she's indefinitely not sleep-walking this time. She's cute, her hair is always a mess, somewhat short, and she's relatively slender. Her hair is auburn, reminding you perfectly of the cool breeze enveloping your body. As well as those discolored leaves everyone loves in the fall.
"Anon, what are you doing?"
A) "Just getting some fresh air"
B) "I'm leaving"
C) "I thought I left something outside"
"I'm just getting some fresh air, Haley"
"B-but...if they catch you..you won't be in next weeks line up! It could be the week a family wants you!"
"Don't worry, Haley, I won't get caught"
She begins walking away and turns on the heel of her foot.
"D-do you think I could sit with you?"
"Yeah Haley, sure"
You and Haley sit on the edge of the curb, looking up as a steady flow of comforting silence consumes the atmosphere.
The silence breaks.
"Hey Anon, what do you think is out there?"
"I'm not sure, Haley, your guess is as good as mine I suppose"
The moon is still as bright as ever. A few leaves skid by the road as wind suddenly assures us it isn't going anywhere.
"It's getting a little windy, Haley. Would you like to go back inside?"
"Lets stay here a little longer, the air feels really good!"
That it does, the stale decrepit air of the home gets nauseating after some time. This just feels great.
You get up and reach down to Haley to help her up.
"Let's get back inside"
"ANON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAKE?"
"Y-ou promised!" as her eyes become enveloped with tears.
A) Run away
B) Head in
C) Ask Haley what to do
"Haley, I'm sorry..I...What do you want to do?"
They start towards you, you don't have very much time to make your decision.
"I-If they get us...we won't be in another line-up...I don't want that...."
You think deeply for the few moments you have to think.
"Haley...do you want to try leaving?"
"But...we don't know what's out there!"
"It's okay because, we have each other, right?"
"Okay, we have to run as fast as we can, don't hesitate"
You run down the long road, hearing the belligerent screams and yells of them. Haley behind you, continues running. It's still extremely late.
You run until you find you're at a 2 way street.
"I know left will take us to a playground that's relatively enclosed, but to the right...I don't know..."
"Haley, this way!"
She stands there, frozen solid. Staring down the other path..terrified. You walk towards her and rest your hand on her shoulder.
She begins sobbing and falls to the ground.
"Haley what's wrong?"
She's an absolute mess right now, tears running down her cheeks and her nose began running. You reach into your pocket to grab a napkin.
"Here, Haley. What's wrong"
"W-we don't have to...go that way..do we?"
"No we're going the other way..don't worry"
She gathers her self back to normal as you two make your way towards the playground.
You walk in slowly as she runs in quickly towards the swing set. After she's settled on her swing, you get on your own.
You begin swaying back and forth, progressively gaining more and more momentum.
She twiddles her thumbs as she looks down in her lap, not moving.
"Can you help me?"
You let out a little laugh as you get off the swing. You give her a few pushes until she can maintain the momentum on her own. You get back on your swing as you two silently begin swinging. She goes up as you go down, you go down as she goes up. This does on for quite a while.
"Hey Haley, we should find somewhere to stay for the night"
"C-can we swing...just a little longer?"
A) Swing a little more
B) Set up an area for you two to stay, it's getting late
Sorry it takes a bit for each part. Keep the thread bumped if you can.
"Yeah, Haley, sure"
It's hard to believe we're actually doing this. Since your parents..well. After all these years in the home..we actually left. They'll be looking for us eventually. But for now all that matters is this little snippet of happiness.
"Hey, Haley...we should set up somewhere now"
You vacate the playground to find an enclosed corner of the park where no one would find you. You open your backpack to see what it contains, a pillow, a water bottle, and a blanket.
You set the blanket up in a spot that seems fitting, followed by the pillow.
"Are you thirsty, Haley?"
You hand her the bottle and lay down to get ready for the next day.
You laugh to your self, she can't open the seal.
With a swift twist of your wrist, the seal snaps and she takes a few sips.
You give her the pillow to use, and begin drifting off. Feeling something soft hit your face, you notice she's trying to get you to share the pillow with her, without hesitation you accept.
She falls asleep, as do you.
You wake up to the warmth of the sun beaming down, Haley already awake and ready to go.
"Good morning an-n-n ACHOO!"
Haley's getting ill...Oh man.
A) Look for medicine for her
B) Go get something to eat from a local Diner
C) Plan your next move
By the way, how is this story so far? I'm kind of winging it a little more than I did for the Banana-Kun story, so I don't feel like it's as good.
If that guy is still here, if you can post the 4 parts of the last story for other people to see, let me know.
Could you please shut the fuck up and kill yourself faggot? Use you fucking brains and realize how much better this thread is compared to that shit we see daily on rate threads, ylyl threads and r34 threads. Srsly, die
Your initial descriptive style was what grabbed my attention at first, but you've kind of lost that. The dialogue is hollow and annoying and you're no longer giving me a reason to invest in the story. Still waiting for potential, just ask yourself why we should care.
Wow! this is such a good fucking thread! so much better then anything anyone could be doing irl! Thank god threads like this come along to save /b/!
You're an under aged piece of garbage that's probably too fat to roll out of your computer chair. Buy a fucking game on steam, you twat, and fuck off from your image-board text adventure.
"Haley, lets go get you some medicine"
She says it with a smile, but somewhat of a forced smirk. You aren't too sure what it's about.
One person is in the park with their dog running around playing fetch. It seems everything is clear.
You make your way into town as you walk towards...well, you don't know. You haven't been here before.
The two of you walk down a stretch of stores, looking in each window as you pass by. The windows, distorting your reflection makes you feel a little uneasy.
Eventually, you find your self at a store that seems like a good choice.
You enter, the woman at that counter greeting you warmly.
You nod and return her welcome. Making your way to the cold/flu aisle you find just what you need. You start toward the register. You do have some funds, but not very much.
You pay and exit. You measure the proper dose and give it to Haley. She makes a scrunching face confirming, that it does in fact taste miserable.
A) Get something to eat
B) Head to the mall
C) Walk around town a little longer
A, but it could be combined with the other options
Yes, let's forget the fact that I had a quite exhaustive day and perhaps imagine that I actually want to do something else other than sit down on this chair and fucking relax while having perhaps a good laugh or reading something interesting just to numb my mind. Fuck off kiddo, you should be worrying about your life instead of people's from this board. Under aged? Too fat? Can't you come up with something else that hasn't been used as an insult here for the past decade?
"Lets walk around the town a little bit, Haley"
You begin walking down the road lined with stores and outlets. The sky for the most part, a deep blue with the occasional passing cloud. Silence envelopes the area as you continue walking. Noticing a pebble on the side-walk, you decide to kick it. You try to kick it every time you close distance, but eventually you end up kicking it in the street.
"Is something wrong, Anon?"
"No..it's okay, hey do you want to get some food?"
You head towards the closest Diner, it's relatively occupied. One curious seat by the window in a corner completely vacant, you claim the spot. The waitress approaches.
"My, my. A little young to be dating aren't we?"
Haley's cheeks become a a bright red as she giggles quietly.
"Heh...yeah, I'll just have a tea and a sandwich, Haley what would you like?"
"Oh but I don't have any-"
"Don't worry, I can pay for you"
"T-thanks! I'll have the same!"
The waitress takes her leave and surprisingly quick, she comes back with our order ready.
"Bless you Haley"
Next part is coming.
Was this a little better? I took a little more time to write it out. I feel rushed so I wasn't doing as well as I know I can.
"Anon..can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"How did you end up in the home?"
This, a question you've avoided all of your years seems inescapable in this position.
"It's a bit of a long story...you probably don't want to hear it"
A) Explain what happened
B) Change the subject
See you never as well, anon. It was a pleasure to take that bait
I want to hear them talk more about the house, where they're going, and what it means in relation to where they're coming from. So far it's all just pleasantries. Also, that stutter has got to go, unless her character having a speech impediment is integral to the story. You're a decent writer though, and hey, who else here is putting themselves out there?
Thanks for the positive input, I appreciate it.
This story is intentionally built around what you feel you need to know about the characters. It's supposed to have a mysterious feeling in it, the answers you want are unfolded after a while. It makes sense eventually.
I get that you're trying to leave a lot of questions unanswered. The dialogue just doesn't reflect your intention there as well as it could. Given that you're already introducing us to an incomplete world, it would be more compelling to read if they made references to that world in their interactions, as opposed to just bantering.
"This is what happened...back then..."
You wake up to a loud knocking at your door, 2 men are yelling unintelligibly at your mother. Terrified, you hide under your covers.
"GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND"
Your mother, pleading for her life begins sobbing. Someone is heard running up the stairs to the second story of your house.
It's your Father. His face is beat red, he's shaking.
"Hey kiddo, do you know that amazing hiding spot you always go into when we play hide and seek?"
You nod your head, affirming the message made it to you.
"I need you to go there, and don't leave it until the good guys come"
Your father, runs downstairs.
"GET OFF HER"
Your father is heard pushing and trying to make them leave.
Two shots can be heard, followed by complete silence. Your Father, becomes hysterical.
Another shot, followed by complete silence. The police arrive.
They check the area, but the 2 men had already left.
As you sit in the closet, near ready to pass out from fear, the officers check upstairs to verify that they've left. They open the closet.
They look at you in disbelief.
"Hey kid, what's your name?"
"Oh okay, Anon..would you like to come with the good guys?" You nod your head.
They take you downstairs, trying to shield you from the grotesque scene.
You run to them, shaking them.
"Wake up..please...w-wake up..."
"That's how I ended up..at the shelter"
Haley's face, completely frozen in disbelief.
"I'm sorry..I know you wanted to hear"
She gets up to give you a hug.
"It's gonna be okay, Anon"
You find your self struggling to hold back tears you so badly want to let out.
The waitress approaches.
"Hey guys, here's your bill"
You take out your funds and look at the bill.
"Too much for you to afford"
It may has well have said that.
A) Ask if you can work to pay it off
B) Try to sneak out
"Hey...I don't have enough money for this bill.."
"Oh, dear. One moment"
The waitress leaves, a concerned look plastered on her face. Moments later, she arrives with a relatively heavy set guy carrying a bucket of various chemicals and rags.
"Ho, ho!!! So ya don't have the money for the bill, do ya?"
He's pretty arrogant, at this point you'd like to swear at him. But you're in a bit of a situation, so you decide against.
"Heh..yeah, I thought I had enough"
"Well, what's your name?"
"Well Anon, just clean up the tables and the bathroom and we can call it even, how about it?"
Shit, no it doesn't, but you don't have a choice.
Haley since by idly as you begin at the furthest table, cleaning coffee stains on each one, wiping the crumbs off. The chemicals have a harsh scent, only verifying they will help in completely the task at hand. Table to table, you wonder how Haley feels about what you've confessed to her.
The Waitress approaches her with a strawberry shake.
"This was courtesy of the man by the bar"
She turns her head, as her jaw lowers. She gets further into the corner she's already in. The man at the counter, looking at her menacingly.
"Who the hell is that guy...he's...old" you tell your self.
You rush to finish the job and the store owner comes to inspect.
"Hey, Anon. Great job, didn't expect this! Looks like I'll have to throw ya a bone, eh? BAHAHAHA!"
He heads towards you to give you 2 crisp 20 dollar bills. He punches you lightly in the gut in a friendly manner. The strange man at the counter leaves.
Haley, is hysterical.
You put the supplies away and go to hear, she's cowering at this point. The sun, slowly setting.
A) Haley, who is that man?
B) Just comfort her
C) Ask her what she would like to do
"Haley...who was that man?"
She stares out the window, seemingly in a catatonic state.
Your eyebrows scrunch up, your curiosity piqued at to why the hell she'd even be at the home completely baffles you.
"Haley..if you have a Father, why would you ever be at the home?"
"He's...not a good man.."
She unappetizingly stares at her shake, wanting absolutely no involvement in it.
"Haley, would you like to leave?"
"T-That would be best"
You exit the diner with her, raising your hand above your head to signal a silent good-bye. The manager and waitress returning the gesture.
The two of you begin walking back to the playground when you connect the dots. That other road she didn't want to go near...is that where her father lives?
As you approach the playground once more she looks down that road. A determined look on her face.
"I have to do something"
A) Accompany her down the
B) Tell her it's a bad idea
C) Go to the playground for a bit
How is the story so far guys?
I know it's not nearly as good as my last one, but I wanted to give a story structured this way a shot. I'm going to finish it regardless of whether it's liked or disliked. But I just want some feed back to I can mold the stories I write to everyone's satisfaction. If it's negative feedback, just tell me what you don't like/liked.
it's pretty shitty, you suck dick and you should never try this ever again
You grab her hand and look at her.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
She looks a little embarrassed, with rosy cheeks. Maybe you shouldn't have grabbed her hand..but you're beginning to feel something towards her. You look up at what appears to be a transparent moon, even though the sun is still out.
"Yeah, lets do it anon"
You start down the dirt road with her, towards...you don't know where. You haven't been in this area before.
After 10 minutes of walking, you come to what looks like an old farm house.
"This is it, Anon"
"This is where I lived, before I went to the home"
It's in even worse condition than the home, there's multiple panels missing on the ceiling, grass hasn't been cut for seemingly years..there's beer cans and....needles scattered on the front porch. What kind of life is this for a 14 year old girl?
"Haley, did you need something from inside? It's dangerous, so just tell me what you're looking for and I can get it"
"T-There's a picture of my mom..upstairs in the main bedroom, I wanted it when I left for the home but...he wouldn't let me have it"
Anger boils in you at her Father. What kind of man does this to his own Daughter?
You tell Haley to hide behind the overgrown grass on the other side of the street.
You enter the house.
Upon entry you see a table covered in cigarettes, and cigarette ashes. Multiple beer cans in the living room. There's spiderwebs at the corner of each and of the ceiling, and an unidentifiable stench in the house.
"This is fucking disgusting"
You walk around, taking in your surroundings trying to figure out what you can do with this opportunity. Kicking a few beer cans around you see a garbage can laying on its side. You step back, wind up your leg and go for a kick.
"Alright...enough of that"
"I have some money from the Diner..but this might be a good chance to get things we need"
A) Check the Kitchen
B) Check the Bathroom
C) Check upstairs
"The kitchen seems like a good place as any to start..just can't forget the picture"
You walk down the hall passed the bathroom. A nauseating scent pouring out from it.
Your gag reflex kicks in, thankfully you don't puke. Though, if you did puke it would be an improvement for the house.
You get into the kitchen and begin opening cabinets. A few granola bars, instant soup, mac and cheese, tuna, some chips, and a few water bottles occupy the cupboard.
"This seems good for now"
You take the backpack off and open it up, filling it with various items you found.
Opening the fridge, you look into it.
Nothing but beer.
A) Brave the stench of the bathroom
B) Head upstairs
You start upstairs, remembering to hold your breath as you walk passed the bathroom. The entire house might as well be a bathroom.
The stairs creek eerily. It's a very uneasy sound, as you head upstairs you notice the walls becoming increasingly yellow-shifted. The door to the main bedroom is open, you walk in.
Needles, scattered all over the room, accompanied by little baggies. The walls plastered with a yellow tint. The ceiling fan is on, spreading dust about the entire room.
You walk up to the night stand to look for the photo she's been wanting for so long. Under the bed, yields nothing of interest.
You decide to move the nightstand, low and behold, the photo. There's a crack in the frame. Fortunately, that is replaceable.
In the photo is who you presume to be Haley, and what seems to be..her mother? She looks gravely ill in this photo...
You hear a truck pull up and the downstairs door open.
"YEAH WELL YOU SHOULDA JUST GOTTEN IT FROM MY GUY, DOCTORS DONT GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT"
A high pitched yell, pierces your eyes annoyingly.
A) Hide under the bed
B) Hide in the closet
You look out the window quickly to see Haley worried, still hiding. Placing the photo in your bag, you squeeze your self and your belongings under the bed to the best of your ability. Needles, surrounding you, paired with cigarette butts.
"This is fucking disgusting"
The woman, presumably the mans girlfriend continues yelling unintelligibly.
"IF YOU CALLED MY GUY YOU'D HAVE WHAT YOU NEED, TOO BAD I'M NOT SHARING HAHAHA"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He starts up the stairs..creek, after creek. Step, after step. Your heart pounding, you look to your side an notice a razor blade. You grab it..just in case.
"Fuck I HATE that woman. He punches a wall, and proceeds to sit on the bed, causing you to become slightly less mobile.
He looks out the window.
"Heheh...so she came back to Daddy..I knew she couldn't resist"
"What...no..this man, what...the..?" you think to your self, completely unable to articulate an even somewhat coherent thought.
He gets up off the bed as you hear someone walking up the stairs, Haley approaches.
"Heheheh...well baby..how about we take a shower just like old times.."
He looks away for a moment and Haley winks at you.
"Is she...planning something?"
She gets tries to tell you to push him down the stairs without forming words. She begins her decent down the stairs as he takes the first step down.
She puts her back to the wall.
You rush out and push him as hard as you can, his body flailing down the stairs. He isn't moving.
You look at each other short of breath as to what the hell just took place.
"What about the othe-"
"She's passed out, there's a needle in her arm"
You proceed to the first floor, her father still breathing, but knocked unconscious.
"Haley..what should we do now?"
"There's...a pair of handcuffs in his dresser drawer...get them"
You ascend back up one more time, opening the drawer to find 2....furry...pink...hand cuffs? You get a tissue to block any contact with the contaminated item.
You go back downstairs and cuff their hands behind their backs, the sun is gone, the moon is now illuminating the area completely.
She opens the basement door as I drag one by one down the stairs.
Locking the door and putting a few things in front of it to assure they won't get out, you're at a loss.
There's a fire place, warmth, and even food. Sweeping the floor and staying the night may not be a bad idea.
A) Stay the night
B) Ask Haley what she wants
"Hey Haley..what would you like to do now?"
"I'm...not sure...maybe we could...stay..?"
"But Haley...this place..it's.."
"I know, Anon..It's just warm..the other place is so cold...and I don't want to sleep outside again"
"Okay...do you want to have some food?"
She agrees and you go to the kitchen, cracking open 2 instant noodles. You start the process of boiling water. There's a fireplace with fresh wood, you grab a lighter and after a few attempts, you get an ember going, eventually. A fire starts up.
You go back to the kitchen to see that the water is indeed at a boil, you fill the cups up with the hot water to their respective fill lines. Followed by a packet each of flavoring. You make your way back to the living room and sweep the sleeping area in front of the fire place.
Setting up the blanket followed by your pillow, some water, and finally the food.
"Thanks anon, this is..really sweet"
"Don't worry Haley, it's just instant noodles"
"N-No..not the noodles, everything. I'm...I'm ready to tell you about..what happened"
"I was born here, my Mother..she was a very nice woman, and back then..even my Father was really sweet. My mother eventually became extremely ill, the doctors couldn't figure out what was causing her deterioration, so they made her as comfortable as they could. After years of suffering...she passed away. My father, turned to drugs..h-he...changed after that. He became belligerent. He would yell at me every day, blaming me for Mothers passing away. I couldn't take it so I locked..my self in my room. He became furious and broke the door down."
At this point, she's visibly shaking, hardly able to continue.
"Once he got in..he grabbed me and through me on top of the bed..after that h-he...h-....."
So that's why she would rather be at the home..
You sit next Haley.
"You don't need to tell me anymore...I understand"
She jumps in your arms and cries hysterically.
You know very well it isn't okay..not even remotely.
After everything winds down, you finish you meals.
You lay down and get a blanket, sharing the pillow with her.
Play this, then begin reading.
Once you're comfortable in your respective sleeping positions, you lay awake..thinking about what had just happened. Whether you should just give up at the prospect of permanently leaving the home. The moon, is shining through the window as the fire crackles fiercely, providing a welcoming aura of warmth.
Haley shuffles around a bit, turning over to you.
"Anon...can I rest my head on you?"
Taken back by this request, you accept.
"Yeah, no problem"
She throws her arm around you and lays her head on your chest.
"Anon...this really means a lot to me..thank you..I mean it"
"Y-you're welcome hale-"
She gets up on her side and kisses you softly.
"I-I kinda like you...anon"
You're completely blushing, there's no hiding this fact. But you have had a thing for her for quite some time.
"I like you too, Haley"
You stay awake laying down, both talking in an extremely soft tone, eventually silence envelopes the environment. Nothing heard but your breathing and the fire crackling.
After a while, you fall asleep together.
I was just reminded of this song a couple of days ago and wanted to find it but didn't know the name of it....thank you anon........keep doing whatever this is cause I'm just scrolling on by
Woken up in the morning by loud banging on the basement door you shoot up quickly.
"Haley, wake up!"
"They're both awake, we have to get out!"
You and Haley rush outside as quickly as you can. The banging becomes louder. You run down the road opposite of the town and hide behind some brush on the side of the road.
"I left the bag in the living room"
You tell Haley to stay put, as you run quickly back into the house to grab your bag.
You run back outside with the bag towards Haley. The photo is still intact.
You run even further down the road where you see a bus stop in the distance. Eventually, it feels as if you've gone far enough.
"Well....what now Haley?"
She looks up at you and smiles.
After a few moments you hear the front door slam open.
"I'M GONNA GET YOU HALEY, YOU LITTLE BITCH"
You stand on the side of the road, petrified as he enters his truck and starts the engine. He begins backing up as he starts going...towards the town?
You look at Haley, and she looks back as you both laugh.
"Well..that was close"
You look towards the town, and look the other away. You ask if she knows what's further down the road, she doesn't.
"Well, what do we do?"
She looks up at you as you smile, you place your hand on her head and rub her hair. She looks at you with a pouting face which you follow up with a laugh. You kiss her forehead.
"There's only one way to find out, Haley."
"Yeah, Anon. Lets go!"
Yeah...sorry about the ending. I felt the story getting dragged out and decided it was time.
I'll be writing a 3rd story, I have no idea what about, next Sunday at around 6pm EST.
Someone posted my last story in this thread, if you'd like to look at it.
Okay if you REALLY want to know what I would have written had you guys decided to enter the bathroom, Anon would have been so overwhelmed by the stench, he would have just puked and left the bathroom. That's what I had in mind. But since Anon only went passed the bathroom, he didn't throw up.
This is the first story I wrote last week. The one you just read is the second one.
Next week, on Sunday at around 6pm EST is when I will write a 3rd story.
That story I put much more effort into because I had a far bigger audience. It panned over 3 threads.
I'd suggest you just read that when you have the time, it isn't worth getting a basic overview of it. The story from what I've heard is worth the read.
Had the characters been older, I would have added a sex scene to it. This was about 2 kids escaping a run-down badly managed shelter. Not about a 30 year old man fucking a newborn baby. If you want that, hangout in loli threads.
Yeah, sorry about the ending. While I was writing the last part I knew it wasn't up to par, but I just went with it.
But as for the next story I write, what would you guys like to see?
The last one was around 6pm EST on Sunday, this one was today at around the same time.
So the same time next Sunday.
Try looking at the other story, if not now, save the images and take a look later.
Would you like a love related suspenseful story?
Oh, and I'm "Banananon". A nickname created for me because of my first story. So just look out for that name for the next thread.
You wake up, and fuck your little daughter. The moon is bright and stuff. She cries in pain. The cops show up and arrest you. You get raped and killed in prison.
The feels in the first Banana-Kun story have more feels than this. This was more of an experiment, I structured the story to have some mystery and unanswered questions until near the end, but some people became sort of anxious to learn the back rounds of the characters. I guess it sort of didn't work out. I'll try to implement more feels in the next one for sure. Thanks for the feedback.
Just showing you guys the first story one more time. It was better by far than this one.
Suddenly both Haley and Anon look up toward the road and see her father driving down, fast as lightening. He hits them both with the speed of a thousand suns and both get kill
rip in piece
It was an alright read but I really think you should plan your next story a little more, you have an entire week to do so. I feel like you could come up with something amazing if you gave more thought to it, rather than coming up with it as you go
Eh you're probably right.
Like I said this was an experiment. Evidently somewhat of a failed one at that. My last story
Was much better according to the readers.
I guess ill leave only a bit of room for interpretation from now on.
It would have been fine to leave it to interpretation, but you didn't do that in the end. You just need to decide before-hand which you're going to do and stick with it, you can't just suddenly change your mind near the end of it
Also read this
That's what I did with my first one and it worked out well.
I don't know..pre-planning stories isn't enjoyable to me. I love when people enjoy what I write, but I'm experiencing the story with everyone because I only know whats happening in the story as I'm typing and just making shit up.
I've only been doing this for 2 weeks or so.
I might take you up on the advice. I feel like you might be right. The quality would be a bit better if I pre-write a story.
How do you feel about ABC choices? Would you rather have the interaction aspect of it or just a straight read?
Yeah I know what you mean. Some choices honestly didn't matter in this, others did matter.
I might pre-write my next one for the sake of typos. After I posted each part and read a few of them there was some godawful mistakes.
-same guy here-
All in all, I think you have some pretty great story telling talent, I hope you stick with it. Good luck with your future stories OP
Also idk if you've played The Walking Dead video game by Telltale games or not, but I imagined Haley as Clementine from that
Haha yeah man, I don't think you should have to plan absolutely everything, but definitely think out characters and basic ideas throughout the week, and just some general plots and what-not
Thanks for the compliment. Little comments like that give me motivation to improve. I've only done this for a few weeks and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Not that I can take it anywhere, but it's certainly a hobby I enjoy.
A rough draft in my head, and jot a few ideas on paper.
I think I'll go with that, thanks.
Exactly man, welp I'm gonna go play some Majoras Mask now. Thanks for the decent read and I look forward to your next story. I'll save that other story that you wrote up and read it sometime tomorrow, it's pretty late here and I really want to get past this damn part I was at in MM last night before I go to bed.
today OP was not a faggot
Oh before I go! I really think you should try to make the characters slutter less, it gets a little annoying to be honest :s every once in a while is cool but you should definitely try to tone it down just a bit