Hey /b/ hit me with the most fucked up jokes you can think of.
What's 1 foot long, blue with a purple head, and makes women scream in the morning?
What's 13 inches long and makes women go absolutely crazy?
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."
His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"
"Oh, no: I never found her head."
A guy answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
The guy says, "My God.... What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Two bums are talking about how they can get drunk.
> I've got 50¢. How much you got?
>ok, here's the plan. We'll buy a hot dog and throw away the bun. I'll put it down my pants and keep it right inside my zipper. We'll order two shots and drink them up and before the bartender can collect I'll pop out the hotdog and you drop to your knees and start sucking it. They'll throw us out right away and we'll go somewhere else!
> great idea!
So they do it and it works like a charm. Two bars, three bars, and more for half the night.
As they're about to stagger in to another joint though, the second bum says...
> Hey, let's switch this time. All that dropping to the floor is murder on my knees.
The bum replies...
> How do you think I feel? I lost the hotdog three bars ago!
A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."
>i was in the ghetto once and had to park my car.
>came back to my car later and the window was broken.
>i knew it must have been a crackhead because the only thing stolen was a candybar.
>drove around for an hour looking for a crackhead with chocolate all over his face.
>found one, jumped out the car and grabbed this nigger.
>'hey! what with all this chocolate on your face, motherfucker?'
>he looked confused: 'chocolate..? this is doodoo baby!'
>tfw 'aahhhhh!!' and ran back to my car.
The joke is a reference to the law a long time ago when a black persons vote counted as 3/5th's
A Jew and a Chinese guy were sitting in a bar.
The Jew looked over and said, "I heard you bombed Pearl Harbour".
The Chinese looked over and said, "No that was the Japanese".
The Jew shrugged and said, "Chinese, Japanese, you're all the same to me"
The Chinese guy leaned over and said, "I heard you guys sunk the Titanic".
The Jew said, "WHAT!!! That an iceberg".
The Chinese guy said, "Iceberg, Goldberg, you're all the same to me".
OC, made this one up last week.
Q: Why couldn't the Nazi enthusiasts perform their re-inactment?
A: They got sued for their Reich-ness
Haven't stopped giggling yet.
will make me giggle for the next week to come.
>'an experience you never had'
>dumb enough to think dave chapelle actually had a candy bar stolen and chased down crackheads with shit on their face.
Yes because everything in this thread is OC and god forbid someone retells an edgey joke in a thread that's about edgey jokes. God I hate the amount of newfags that came here after the fappening. Somehow they still haven't picked shit up
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
I also noticed that when I read the joke but still found it funny because I understood the point of the joke. The joke itself makes sense, just not when you over complicate it. It's a pretty common joke but it's not common for people to try and shut it down with math. Just laugh and move on man.
Yeah, stolen. Jokes are one thing, but what you did would be like me taking a story from your life and telling it as if it were my own. You're about as funny as the mouth breathers who used to say "I'm Rick James, bitch." That's why you're a retard.
What does a fish say when it hits a wall?
Why does the ocean roar?
>You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
One day an old man was playing golf and his ball landed into a field of buttercups.
>After finding his ball he prepared to take a swing. However, before he could finish his swing, he heard a high pitched voice saying "Please oh please don't hurt my butter up butter cups!"
>The old man looked around and couldn't see what made the sound so he went to swing again.
>However, just like before, as soon as he started to swing he heard a high pitched voice say "Please oh please don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"
>After looking for the voice once more he still couldn't find it and went to swing again. However, just like before, he heard a high pitched voice say "Please oh please don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"
>After looking around the old man finally looked at his feet and there he saw a buttercup fairy.
>And the buttercup fairy said to him "Please oh please, sir, don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"
>"Why shouldn't I hurt your buttercup buttercups?" said the old man.
>"Because, if you don't, I'll give you all the butter in the whole wide world!" said the buttercup fairy.
>"Dammit!" said the old man, "Why couldn't you have been there when I landed in the pussy willows!?"
You: Hey do you know how many hairs a white cat has?
You: Do you know how many legs a black rooster has?
Friend: Yeah, two.
You: How come you know so much about black cock and nothing about white pussy!?
i guess i will take it out of my stand-up routine.
p.s. i'm rick james, bitch!
Whats the hardest part of watching a bus of 10 year old's go off a cliff?
Also >>596358754 thinks that he knows what Dave Chapelle has and hasn't seen. How the fuck do you know that never happened? You don't so stfu, nigger faggot.
Child alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I grow up to be?!"
"A pedophile," older Johnny says as he locks the door.
>Hey /b/ hit me with the most fucked up jokes you can think of.
your asinine frustration is pleasing. don't have a stroke, mr. tryhard.
How do you make a pound of fat look good?
>Put a nipple on it.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
>Nothing, she's already been told twice.
How do you fit a dead baby into a bowl?
>With a blender.
How do you get it out?