In the mood for some greentext stories. Doesn't even have to be anything awesome. Funny/weird/interesting, I don't give a fuck.
>in Miami beach walking around with two friends
>drunk from a party we just got out of
>see a clear plastic bag on floor like 30 feet away
>walk up to it for closer examination
>plastic bag full of like 20-30 unidentified objects wrapped in aluminum foil
>what the fuck is this
>look around and no one in sight it's like 2 in the morning
>start discussing with friends what in the fuck could be in the aluminum foil
>what if it's fingers the mafia has cut off
>the mafia always cuts off fingers
>what if it's cash and someone's coming to pick it up
>open it anon
>no you open anon
>I dont fucking want to touch that shit
(I know it sounds pussy but keep in my mind were hammered and have no fucking idea if it is some gross shit In the aluminum foil we were weirded out by it)
>my at the time gf is at my house
>she starts gigglin
>leads me to my bed
>she shows me her tits
>my dick skyrockets
>she gives me a handjob
>i wanna do it again
>tells her to come over
> super excited
>this time she dont wanna do anything
>i am dissapoint
>i try to rape her
>she gets mad and tries to leave
>i piss on her bike
>paper scissors rock faggot
>two out of three
>lose first won
>win the next two
>anon has to open cut off mafiafingers
>he slowly unwraps the foil
>wtf is this a movie or something
>"fuck bro what a waste of time"
>faggot friend complaining like always
>were walkig away when an idea pops into my head
>"yo anon we have like 30 sandwiches here we just gonna leave me here?"
>"whatchu want to do bro"
>"lets feed them to homeless people man lets do a good deed"
>be me, 16
>get home from school early
>no one is home
>go to the pc in the living room
>sit back, get ready
>time for some Google magic
>surf around a bit
>find some great stuff
>awesome vids, fuck yeah 360p
>start my fap
>the sound of dick slapping and moaning ringing throughout the house
>so good, close to blowing my load
>mom gets home, I haven't heard her
>Fucking walks around the corner, knows what's going on
>Fucking walks in right as I'm blowing my load
>scares the shit out of me
>miss the tissues I was gonna aim for
>blast the monitor
>mfw there's no spinning that a good way
>"yo bro lets fucking do it good idea"
>grab bag of sandwiches and start walking
>its Miami beach so we spot a homeless man not even 50 feet away
>sleeping in garbage bag
>smells like shit and looks hungry
>"excuse me sir"
>little louder "excuse me sir!"
>slowly turns head towards us..
>17 year old antisocial robot
>family friends with one of the hottest chicks in the year
>she's not allowed to come home drunk so she sleeps round a couple of times a month
>one night she comes round so drunk she pretty much passes out
>this is my chance
>slowly pull of her covers
story continues with more pics i took if you roll a 6
>Got my wisdom teeth out
>Didn't have sex with girlfriend the whole time they were healing because it hurt that badly
>Finally feeling better
>At her house one Wednesday night
>Talking about how we're gonna fuck that Friday when she sleeps over
>I have to leave at 6 for dinner
>6 rolls around, both of us are horny
>The day before I had already touched her
>She decides now she's going to reciprocate, starts to rubs my dick through my pants
>Fuck it, I'll be late for dinner
>Feeling euphoric (m'lady), haven't even touched myself in days
>Blurt out "It feels so good to be connected to you again"
>Fuck, what is this, hentai?
>She pretty much just stops and says "I hate you say stuff like that. It makes me feels trapped."
>She's excited because she got an email from college that she was expecting, goes to the bathroom to clean up
>I'm just sitting in her bed with a flaccid dick and completely depressed
>Haven't had sex since then (about a week)
I don't really want to other than to satisfy the urge. We've seen each other, but because circumstances (her getting sick and throwing up), we haven't even had the chance to do anything anyway.
I need to stop fapping to doujins.
>into WoW at the time
>playing, grinding, never seem to get anywhere
>always lacking in cash
>playing Undead priestess
>decide that I'll strip and beg for gold
>works alright for a while
>some random dude says he'll pay for cybersex
>do it, get 20th just like that
>apparently he tells his guild
>apparently couple days later I get some whispers with the same offer.
>accept every time, gold is gold right?
> this goes in for like 2 weeks
>getting to the point where I am a full time cyberwhore
>making gold hand over fist
>no point in even grinding for gear now, just buy it
>get really good at it
>actually start to make myself hard with it
>start to fap off several times
>about a month in after a job and a fap it hits me wtf I am doing
>mfw when I'm the biggest faggot of them all
>hey man want some food? We have sandwiches
>"God bless you men I'm starving
>sure man no problem were giving back to the community
>here we got some peanut butter and jelly
>ham and cheese
>you like turkey? Here's turkey
>I'm handing this guy sandwiches and im feeling like one of those faggots who give shit to the homeless for on YouTube
>alright man enjoy
>> Be me, be 6
>> girl in my class is cute as hell, huge crush
>> stupid newfag as I was, buy her a hairband to try and get some ass
>> Decides the best way to give it to her is on the lunch hall
>> everyone eating, go to her and hand over hairband
>> since we never spoke before, she giver it back imediatly
>> "I don't need it anon"
>> Since I had no idea what to do, grab her hair and put the headband on her head
>> star screaming "Its for making your hair cute, use itttt"
>> Girl panics and start screaming,
>> I imediatly shit myself (for real, big shit)
>> All 100 children on hall start crying/screaming
>> Teacher comes, grabs me and takes me to principal office
>> Principal cant stand shit stink and send me home.
>> My dad come pick me up but cant stop laughing
>> from that point on i'm know as the shit screamer...
>try and take off her t shirt
>turns out it's harder than i thought
>almost wake her up and decide to give up untill next time
>she stays round again the next week thankfully not having remembered anything
>she comes back pretty wasted and this time i have a plan to keep her asleep
>offer to make her a vodka coke before she goes to sleep
>she drunkenly is happy and downs it not realizing it has a mixture of different spirits in it
>keep making her alcohol until she's literally brain dead
>she passes out in my room, all alone
>i take off all her clothes and take this pic
story and more pics if you roll dubs
>Fapping away one night
>Start to cum, blood comes out too
>For some reason, find this hilarious.
>Laugh and take pictures, sends to friends
>The next day, fapping again
>Same thing, I jizz and blood comes out
>Now I'm worried
>Wait three days, fap again
>Tell my sister
>She tells me that I should tell our dad
>"Do you want to see a urologist?"
>"If it's still happening in a week, yeah."
>Start googling because I'm afraid I might have dick cancer or something
>Most common cause is getting hit in the junk and popping a blood vessel, no lasting effects once it heals up
>Schedule faps every three days as I wait for it to be done
>At this point, I'm forcing myself to jerk off because I'm scared
>Finally jizz normally
>Everything is right in the world
>Fap the next day to make sure
>Tell my dad I'm fine now
>"How many times do you normally jerk off a week?"
>"Jesus, anon, your mom and I don't even do it that much."
>Don't fap for another month or so because so not turned on anymore
>5 minutes ago
>Finding stupidity in every thread where people are debating
>Most /b/tards can't make logical sense of their own arguments
>People "feel" that they are right instead of BEING right
>and not only that, this is becoming more and more of a social norm
>go to thailand, patong beach ;)
>go to go go bar
>watch ping pong show, kinda boring
>girls come and talk to me and beg for drinks
>one girl sits with me the longest and I buy her a few drinks
>at 10pm she says "my shift is over so this is just me now"
>I stay for a few more minutes then I say thanks and goodnight and leave
just wondering, when she said
"my shift is over so this is just me now"
what was that? was that some hint that I should make a move on her or something?
thai chicks seem to think I'm attractive and not notice my betaness, even the ones who weren't whores.
>drinking with a friend before entering festival ground
>see some nice looking girls
>they are 15, age of consent is 14, I'm 19
>slightly drunk I had enough confidence to speak with one of them
>we talk nice
>some time later another friend comes along
>talks with her too
>she goes along with him
>later that day
>friend from beginning is now stoned
>I'm pretty wasted
>still trying to achive some progress on my route into a girls pants
>end up screaming like DSBM singer with a group of other people
>girl later kissed the other guy
>ended the night with more alcohol
>next day the girlstealing anon apologized
>said he would have let me take her, if he wasn't to drunk to realize
She wasn't being forward, she was opening the door to further conversation. Where she wanted it to go is a mystery if Thai chicks are anything like Western ones. She was testing the water to see if you were on the same page as her most likely. And you leaving politely was your way of saying that you weren't, whether that's what you meant or not.
>were walking away from homeless man and I look back and see him unwrapping one
(Keep in mind we have no idea what the fuck was in the other bags we just opened the one and assumed they were all sandwiches)
>30 feet away from man when we hear loud coughing
>it's homeless man
>shouts out "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU FAGGOTS GIVE ME!!!"
>homeless man running towards us
>drop bag of sandwiches and start running
>we look back and this guy is full blown sprinting after us
>yo What the fuck is going on
>run towards beach
>finally lose him
>laugh the rest of the night about it
>mfw I tried to do a good deed but almost killed a homeless guy
>calling winrar on your own post
>take all my clothes off
>delicately place my rock hard cock into her mouth
>slowly start thrusting back and forth, she doesn't even respond
>manage to get quite a decent speed but i have to hold her mouth open so her teeth don't get in the way
>spend the whole night basically molesting her and cum so hard when I'm done.
>i still get to do it once a month on average
roll trips for a fuck ton of pictures and more green text
The person who responded to you reporting in.
I'm not socially adept either, it's just a matter of empathising. Logic can lead you to empathy. Try again, but think instead of act.
But don't overthink. Two seconds devoted to a thought where you're second guessing yourself is too much.
You're cancer man you really are
Get a razor blade and cut down your urethra till you get all the way to your balls. Proceed to grab both sides of your hotdog bun dick tie them in a knot
because none of this actually happened and you stole it from another thread because you are a pathetic fucking loser who cant actually bang a girl. and so you get on /b/ and steal pictures on hot chicks that anons actually did fuck. and make up bullshit stories on how you supposedly took advantage of drunk girls. which in the end is the only way you would ever get fucking laid
Well I wasn't trying to comment on the state of /b/ so much as I was people on /b/.
Let's face it, /b/ is pretty mainstream nowadays, so we get to see a decent sample of the 18-35 demographic. My contemporaries if you will.
And what I see is really sad.
People want to be smarter than everyone else. They try so hard to "win" online arguments, because, presumably, their perceived intellect is the only thing they can pride themselves on. The only thing holding them together. And they don't realise it. They can't, or it all falls apart.
And I see this happen everywhere. People "feel" one way and won't back down because it would be back breaking to them to not "be" that way. Ever since the Presocratic thinkers, we've been advancing slowly but surely until about 20-30 years ago. We're seeing intellectual stagnation among everyday people and I, for one, am depressed by it.
All I can do is try to keep living obliviously, but it's hard.
>my family takes me to Walmart for birthday
>buy a dank ass toy
>go to till
>my mum says I buy any candy I want
>thought she said that couldn't have the candy
>sneak pack of m&ms in my pocket
>go to the built in mcdonalds
>face away from my family to eat the m'n'ms
>after 5 minutes of this my brother gets suspicious
>he thinks I'm masturbating
>taps me on the shoulder
>refuse to turn around because he'll take my m&ms away
>he turns me around and sees the m'n'ms
>snitches me out to me mum
>hate m&ms to this day
he didn't say roll or anything similar, doesn't count
but you can have 1 picture for it
>first time taking MD
>never done lines before, assumed they had to be like wolf of wall street size
>do half a gram in one line
>my mate is like "what the fuck anon you're a machine!"
>go to gig, its craig charles' funk and soul dj project
>yeah the guy from robot wars
>we made a sign out of a beer crate saying bring back robot wars (i fucking love robot wars)
>mandy kicks in
>i'm more fucked than i'v ever been, skanking like a fucking madman with this sign saying bring back robot wars
>the festival assumed no one would come to this show because it was clashing with chase and status, so its on a tiny stage
>like 1000 people show up, there are 2 security guards
>everyone goes fucking nuts, people were dancing on the roof
>i get pushed to the front because of the sign
>turns out we weren't the only people to have this idea, other guys with robot wars related signs
>"3-2-1 activate" and "fuck the refbot (chuckled at that one)
>obviously instant best friends because MD
>theres a stage invasion, which i'm in
>whole crowd starts chanting robot wars
>tell craig he should drop it with 3-2-1 activate
>he tells me to go fuck myself
>dances with stage invasion guys for a bit
>eventually we all get booted off by security
best fucking night
>Recently got married to a solid 7/10
>She wants kids right away
>Gets her wish
>Fast forward 9 months
>Baby is on the way
>In the waiting room because I couldn't handle it
>Wife has baby
>mfw I see my child for the first time
>Told her she could name the baby anything she wanted
>She tells the doctor that her name is Love
>Wife isn't a hippy or anything
>I'm not a huge fan, but fuck it, I promised her
>Fast forward 10 years
>Baby is growing up
>Love comes back from school crying
>Ask what's wrong
>Says she is being bullied because of her name
>I cheer her up with some ice cream
>Problem solved and best dad award achieved
>Fast Forward 7 more years
>Love has turned into a 9/10
>She dresses normal
>Always wears red nail polish
>But she is shy
>She is still mocked constantly because of her not so ordinary name
>She comes home from school
>Ask her if its about her name
>She says nothing
>Just kisses me on the cheek and leaves
>First time she has kissed me since she was a baby
>Just wasn't her thing
>Can hear wife pulling in
>She is home early from work
>Hear door open from daughters room
>Door then opens from garage
>Loud blast goes off directly behind me
>I fall to the ground
>Wife looks at me and screams
>I look down and see bullet through my chest
>Love says something about her name
>I look up at my still beautiful wife
> I say
>Shot through the heart
>And you're to blame
>You gave Love
>A bad name
oh no you got me
my life will never be the same
you accomplished something no one has ever done nor will ever do again
> be 18
> friend texts me that he got some acid if i wanna do it with him
> meet up with first friend and other two bros at 4 30 am
> take tabs amd drive to beach (buddy droving was just smoking bud).
> watch sun come up as we come up
> some thing is off about this acid
> remember reading about bitter blotters. Didnt know shit about drugs at this point.
> turns out my friend got 25i insread. I took two so im good.
> third tripping friend took 5 because he said he did that much up at school
> he is being totally quiet which is very odd for him.
there was this other greentext with the same ending about two kids finding a cat
i thought i saved it but apperantly i didn't anyone got that one?
>Take two hits of acid with friend
>Wander aimlessly through forest
>Commune with the gods, etc
>Hear terrifying scratching noises
>Increasing in volume, totally freaking me and other friend out
>Coming from all directions
>Oh shit I'm going to die
>Prepare for death
>It's actually three chickens
>They're pretty cool dudes
>Hang out with them for two hours, tell them my life story
>Continue to trip balls until the sun went down, and a little after
> didnt know it was 25i-nbome at this point
> think friend is just feeling it really hard
> 25i trip is pretty boring to me, just a lot of eye candy with no deep headspace.
> we roll up a few blunts
> standing in circle.
> third friend is even more out of it now. not talking, looks pale, slightly sweating.
>ask if he is okay
> "i cant fucking see anything man."
> Get tossed in jail in drunk tank in a smallish shit town
> It's me, two other dudes and a very drunk tranny
> She has fake tits, but had a dick so they put her in with the guys
> other two guys are supper hammered and pass out
> I coerce her into blowing me, she sucks half heartedly for a few minutes, she's really not putting in a good effort
> Get kind of angry and still a bit drunk so i slap her a few times
> I tell her ill choke her if she screams
> Turn her over pull up the dress and rip the panties, she has a tiny cock
> push her down flat on her stomach so i don't have to see it and butt fuck her right on the floor of the cell
> she's crying afterwards, feel guilty now
> she never said anything to the guards or they didn't care
> doesn't matter had sex
> "yeah man its all just patterns i cant see anything else. im freaking out"
> tell him to chill and ask if he want to sit down or something.
> "nah im good man. im good"
> he has the blunt in his mouth and just falls over
>straight up flat on his face into the grass
> first friend is freaking out
> driving friend is also freaking out
> try to get knocked out friend to wake up
> he is really pale, his eyes are rolled back into his head
> he starts having a fucking seizure.
>be me, 21
>get home drunk
>mom is out for a couple of days
>mom never ever taught me to drive cause she doesn`t trust me cause she says I always drive my bicicle like a crazy
>well if no one`s gonna teach me it`s time to learn how to drive
>take car to the park wheres theres no trafic lights
>110 km/h drunk as fuck first time driving
>i even made the car jump
>after the jump the car drifted
>been playing gran turismo since for ever
>control the drift with two quick moves
>finally get home and put car back in garage
>I scared and shaking thinking I could have died or destroyed the car wich was even worse
>decide its time to call an amber lamps
>they show up like 15 mins later.
>his sezure stopped but he is totally unresponsive except for grunts and groans every now and then
> they ask us what we all took. tell them we dont know what he took
> they find his wallet with his contact info, call his parents, put him in the back and take off.
>what now? our friend might fucking die in the hospital or something?
>"lol wanna see a movie?"
> proceed to see the new(ish) alice in wonderland movie in imax
>great movie for tripping lots of colors and shit.
> friend survived
>hospitalized for a week
>mental ward for a month
>hes back at school now and is totally straight edge.
not the best story but its all i got. felt really shitty for a long time for not going to the hospital with him. but we were all really out of it, so we thought it wouldnt be a good idea.
Your friend is a pussy I took 12 25i tabs & cypher several PCP blunts and shook it off. I was tripping massive balls but I didn't have a damn seizure. Stop chilling with beta fegits
apparently he was also on SSRIs AND an MAOI inhibitor for depression at the time. he didnt tell us so we let him take the tabs. fucking idiotic of him to do any psychedelic on those but he was kind of dumb to begin with.
i aint dumping shit. you fags actually believed it lol
yeah he's stupid for that. i overdosed on MXE lol but thats coz i took around half a gram my first time. shit was unreal, left me schizo for a few days after coming home from the hospital.
>16, kinda beta
>get qt gf
>at her house
>shit gets hot but parents are home
>go to basement
>sucks my dick for good 10 min
>she wants me
>agree, but not knowing what the fuck i'm doing
>it's dark down there
>can't find the hole
>someone coming downstairs
>hid everything just in time
>nobody found out
>furiously masturbate 2 hours later
>23 days ago
>driving drunk af, run a red light, ram into a...
>a fucking cop car
>cars aren't too damaged
> drunk me spooked as shit
>unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before cop comes over
>hide knife in glovebox
>say 'i has done been stabbed officer"
cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital
mfw crisis avoided
>in shitty town near were I live
>me & two friends stoned as fuck waiting to get pizza
>takes about 15 minutes. we are munchied to fuck
> it is winter. few inches of snow with a base layer of black ice
> three club-type dick-heads approach us.
>they are the protein shake drinking- burgundy shirt wearing- blue wkd drinking variety.
> aw mate can we have some of your pizza? go on just a slice.
> they go on like this.
>its our pizza. fuck them.
> "here mate if you don't give us some well just take it"
my friend who is holding the box looks at the guy.
>"when you put it like that"
>myself and remaining friend look at each other for a moment before bolting after him.
>oh-shit they are chasing us.
>I am getting away but my friend (without the box) has fucked up knees and has smoked himself retarded.
> they are gaining (bear in mind there are three of them and they are all bigger than any of us).
Lol I'm not gay dude she looked like a chick and I was drunk and horny. Plus all i really wanted was a blow job. I didn't plan to fuck her in the ass, she just wasn't good at it.
Those pics were old, I knew the whole time. I just liked the story
>In a friends house with 3 others
>Gas engineer comes to inspect the boiler
>strip naked and strap on a dog harness and a pair of tights over my head
>friend walks me in on a leash and I bark as loud as I can, and take a drink of water
>Gas engineer dares not look
>rest of friends in other room shouting "WHO DAT WHO DAT"
>pretends boilers working and leaves
shits been broke for about 2 years now
25i-nbome is a shit tier drug. not all RCs suck. some that are worth a try
and a few others that are escaping me at the moment
>got seasonal work with gf at sea
>selling some crap
>some other couple works in front of us across the street
>try to befriend them because they sell food
>we want some free food
>talk now and then, order something
>some time passes, we have discounted/free food
>the girl that works there is actually hot
>like 8/10 wb
>my gf's bi
>they sometimes flirt
>jokes that they would fuck, etc.
>also we decide we should hang out together soon, go to club or somethin
cont. nothing great but whatever I'm bored
she was explaining to you that
she was done working
she is a prostitute who pretends to like people for money
at 10 oclock she no longer has to like you
she wanted you to know that she really like you and wasnt faking it for your money because she was staying to talk to you and hang out after the alloted period of time that she is compelled to
Anyways here's one
>be 16, still new to drugs at time
>get high as shit
>buddie's bro comes by with another blunt
>go to back porch underneath deck
>hit that shit
>literal amount of coughing to allow death
>almost fall over a chair
>choking to death as one friend tells me to shut up and all others cry laughing
> on hands and knees at this point (2-3 min later) still about to die
> be 19
> work at PLCB liquor store
> seasonal work till i go back to college
> last day is this saturday
> 2 hours left in shift today
> trusted fart
> big mistake
> chocolate cake in pants
> shit sprints to bathroom
> no pants
> no underwear
> what do?
> bomb planted in trashcan
> pants back on
> waddle out to get a manager
> talk to her in back room privately
> she sends me home
> 30 papertowles under seat for ride home
> mfw underwear still in trashcan at work
Protip: Dont trust a fart
> go visit friend at her college
> bring 2 ounces of shrooms for some fun
> do them right after I get there
> sell some to her friends
> we're all having a good time
> this one kid starts talking crazy
> says he sees Jesus on top of one of the buildings
> says he feels tired and wants to go to his room
> he leaves
> a little while later my friend wants to go check in him
> we get to his room and he's not there
> his suite mates room is closed and locked but they're not on campus
> friend is freaking out
> gets RA to open door
> RA unlocks the door but it won't open
> there's something wedged up against it
> asks me to push it
> I push way to hard and kinda fly into the room, spinning around
> I hear my friend scream
> turn around and there's the kid hanging in the closet with an electrical cord
> there's blood all over the floor
> he also slit his wrists
> I was peaking real hard when I saw this
> I don't know why but I let out a real loud chuckle
> my friend, her friends and the RA just stare at me
> I run from the building
> my friend finds me an hour later near her dorm
> she cries the rest of the night
> i leave in the morning
ive got tons of stories of back when i used to hang out with those guys and get higher than i shouldve.
Mediocre stories for you guys, would make me lose my shit with laughter... Want anymore or nah
Her name is charlie somak chan she's fairly well known. I couldn't fap to a dude but she's got tits and a nice face
because its not the psychedelics. its the fact that you are probably standing weird or locking your knees because you are tripping and dont realize it and are bringing yourself to the point of feinting because you are a bitch.
>be 14 yo
>beta as fuck
>in love with a very hot girl in my class
>she was in love with me
>didnt know at that time
>she, one of my best friends and an other girl at my home
>wrote a love letter to her, totaly forgot
>didnt wanted to show her or something
>she found it in my room
>also didnt know
>some days/a week later
>on class trip
>someone (think can remember best friend of her) said me she found
>not brave enough to tell her i loved her
>went a bit depressed
>compensed with stupid conduct
>stupid conduct and stuff -> she didnt loved me anymore
>someone told me she loved me before
>felt like a bigger idiot i felt before
>not spoken a word with her for a year or two
>inb4 fucking beta faggit
>inb4 cant inb4 own post
sorry if my english is fucked up bad, germanfag here
>virgin at the time
>girl inv me to her crib
>girl starts to undress
>my dick gets rock solid
>she sucky sucky
>me licky licky
>we fucky fucky
>30 mins l8r her pussy farts
>says ty anon and go to sleep
>next morning she wants more D
>she's riding the D
>1½ minutes l8r I cum inside her
>mfw I see her face
>got breakfast and gtfo
Pic unrelated kinda
ah fuckit cont
>we cut through a supermarket car park
>they are almost caught up to my friend with the fucked knees.
> Stoned brain comes up with a plan
> "you run Ill hold them off!"
> as my friend runs past me I turn and push a line of shopping trolleys in the pizza bandits direction.
>trolleys separate and fly all over car park.
> only succeeds in aggravating my pursuers however and they are now gaining on me.
> out of the car park the road is covered in snow with ultra slippy ice underneath.
> stoned feet are not clever and I am struggling to gain speed
> one of the pizza fiends is significantly faster than the others.
> calves pumping through the snow generating juggernaut level momentum
>he is gaining fast
>I am panicking when stoned brain comes up with another brilliant plan.
> as he catches up to about 8 feet behind me I set my plan into motion.
> I drop to my knees and curl up in a tight egg.
> I hear the morons paniked grunts from behind me.
>he cannot stop in time.
> I feel his legs hit me at great pace.
> the impact is dulled by weed.
>I peek my head up in time to see him super manning through the air in front of me.
> I sprint away to catch up with my friends.
> when I've covered a good distance I look behind me to see how far behind his friends are.
>they are still stood over him in the street.
>he is not moving.
lol killed the fucker.
>in a meanwhile some guy starts working with the other couple
>annoying as fuck
>going on about how awesome he is, how much he know about everything
>especially about how girls love him
>mfw he looks like some /b/tard
>anyway he mentions few times that he fucked some girls on beach in there, which isn't likely
>fast forward ~2 weeks
>we finally go out with the other couple
>we'll sleep in their apartment
>go drop things to their apartment first
>they have only 1 bed, but big enough for 4-5 ppl to fit in
>go out, do boring stuff
>drink few beers, so does gf
>already horny on beach, go into private place, finger her for a bit and make out
>anyway we have to go back
>some more boring stuff, finally we go back to apartment
>go lie in the bed with our gfs
>girls in the middle
>drunk a bit, so don't care, start to touch her and make out
>girls joke about how we're touching them, pervs.
>after a short while they let it go
>girls make out as we fuck them
>no sharing tho
>keep having sex with other couple by side
>dick isn't that hard because of alcohol, but I can keep on going
>finish in the same time as other man
>weird but good
>some jokes about how good it is that we didn't share because it would be totally fucked up
>agree, but wish inside that we could have swapped girls, would totally fuck his bitch
>anyway next day go to work
>meet them, pretty cool
>meet the annoying guy
>he starts again about banging some chick on bitch
>tell him "Yeah, and last night I banged my gf too! Yeah!"
>pic related: his face when he heard it
>mfw he has room next to us
>mfw he probably heard girls moaning
Felt good. Still wish I could have changed the time somehow and bang that chick.
love is a strong word nigga. sit the fuck down you two had a crush on each other & you were too much of a bitch ass nigga to do anything. then when she found out you acted like even more of a bitch. can't blame her what kinda woman wants a beta? Besides feminists and fat women
>Be me, 18 in Montenegro for some summit
>Go to bar with other summit attendees
>Meet one of the directors, 24 y/o 7/10 blonde Polish-American girl
>both of us get wasted
>decided to leave bar and go back to hotel
>taxi picks us up, make out entire way back to hotel
> we get there, I ask the driver in English, German, and Russian how much we owe him.
>looks at us confused, I hand him 10 Euros and he gives me a few coins
>go to chicks room, she immediatly passes out so no sexy time
>next day she repays me for taxi and says I speak very good French despite very few lessons of it
>Apparently I can speak French while drunk
>mfw when I got Jewed by a Montenegrin taxi driver and no sex
Story of my first kiss
>be me, when 14 year old fuckboy
>think I'm cool because I started smoking weed
>desparate to get with a girl, go with my friends to a "teen club"
>basically just a place where you pay to grind with people and hook up with them
>i'm pretty shy/introverted and a loud club like this isn't really my type of place but I'm determined to get some ass
>build up the guts to finally start grinding with a girl
>grind to shitty edm for about ten minutes, she turns around, starts sucking my face
>first time I've made out with anyone
>goes surprisingly well
>grab her ass, slap it, hook up with her for about 15 minutes
>we stop and then I find out from some kids I'm with that apparently she's a huge slut and blew some guy in the bathroom before she made out with me
>still don't know if it's true to this day but I like thinking it wasn't
that is why i hate myself harder then the fucking ylyl banana
hate myself so fucking much for this betaness, i really loved her, you can say i didnt but i didnt had so strong feelings for a person since then...
also used the word love because i dont know another word i could use
Always test your drugs kids
>be taking a shower
>wash ass with shower head
>little spray of hot water shoots up my hole
>do it some more
>couple of wet farty bubbles squeak out
>push shower head up my ass and spray boiling water on prostate
>balls starting to twitch
>suddenly I'm ejaculating semen and diarrhea
>boiling diarrhea shooting from my mouth and nose
>bathroom flooded with septic half-digested food and semen
>sister comes in, starts writhing on the floor massaging stinking semen mix into her vagina
>don't you ever knock?
>she starts giving birth to puppies
>every puppy has my face
i didnt think at the time. its been a few years and ive done all my research. i got really into it (chem engineering major here) and find it all fascinating. thinking of going into psychopharmacology now. thoughts?
>be 15 years old
>on school trip to a fucking zoo
>animals and so forth
>go in elephant house
>oh god it smells so fucking bad
>stench of elephant shit is burning the back of my throat
>feel something grab my waist
>elephant picks me up with its trunk
>forces me up another elephant's vagina
>for no good reason I get naked
>walking round inside elephant's womb
>holy shit my sister is in here too
>suddenly everything starts shaking
>look out of hole in cervix, see huge elephant penis thrusting in and out
>we both reach down elephant pee hole and massage it from inside
>it's throbbing and pulsing
>hot steaming semen starts to erupt over our arms, flooding our womb prison
>I punch my sister in the tits for a laugh
>she is so turned on
>massaging elephant cum into each other while I punch her tits and kick her in the cunt
>we're still in there
>zookeepers push sandwiches up elephant's cunt for us
>we have wireless internet in here
>be 15 or 23 or whatever
>be getting out of shower
>walk across to my room
>towel flies off
>land on my sister
>knock her unconcious
>all the blood rushes to my boner
>accidentally her bunghole
>beat her peepee to a bloody mess with a cactus
>she wakes up
>tell her she fell off her bike and hit her head
>to this day I still sometimes fall downstairs onto her
>I get a nice gf after a terrible relationship
>she's a virgin
>she wants to lose her virginity with me
>she's supernervous though
>she clenches her vag very tightly when we try to have intercourse
>I can't even put it in for TWO STRAIGHT YEARS
>I try different positions, different places, different moods
>only a little bit slips inside
>a couple of days ago we're laying in the bed in the morning, chilling
>she tries and playfully gets on top of me
>suddenly I'm balls deep in her
>there is no expression on our faces
>later she gets supersad
>"I wanted our first time to be something special"
>mfw my first time lasted for 2 years
>I must be in Guinness book of records by now
>horny as fuck
>at home, chilling where i always am
>have a 10/10 gf
>shes my friend but we hang a lot
>she comes in, locks the door
>looks in the mirror, adjusts hair
>she drops her pants to the floor
>takes off panties
>im wet af
>she comes towards me, sits on my lap
>i cant talk
>she starts tensing up
>she shits all over me
>i realize i am a toilet
>try to get other kids to do it but nobody seem to understand
>do it at home, parents not happy about it
>tell me to stop and that I can't do it in front of others
>start to do it in secret
>fast forward to now
>tfw can't orgasm in front of others
>sharing a house with 7.5/10 chick
>just good friends, guess she needs a bit of company sometimes
>be last week
>spend morning walking round town with her
>burning hot day
>sat in lounge with her
>she starts stroking back of my neck
>ok, this is nice
>suddenly her nose wrinkles
>"ok, I think one of us needs to take a shower"
>next thing I'm in the bathroom with her
>she's running the shower head all over me
>she doesn't stop
>suddenly I'm on her
>humping her from behind
>I last about 10 seconds
>we're both exhausted and panting
>try to pull out
>it's stuck in there
>takes a vetenarian to get it out
>next week he's going to castrate me
>I am dog
>12:30am after football game
>in taco bueno drive through with 4 friends
>know drivethough attendant is a qt
>hear she likes me
>order my food, plan to ask her out
>car in front of us is getting food
>they are handed a gallon jug of chocolate milk
>our entire car flips out
>"what the fuck was that?" "they sell that here?" "Oh shit nigga"
>we ask her if we can get choco too
>they dont sell choco milk
>we just saw you-2spooky
>Long-term gf broke up with me
>At coffee shop trying to think about how to get my shit together
>Notice cute girl has been looking at me
>Smile at her and wave
>Go back to staring at my coffee
>Look up to see her sitting at my table
>She asks me what's wrong
>A bit reluctant but tell her anyway
>She was recently dumped too
>Accidentally stare at her cleavage as she's talking
>Start to get hard
>Feel her hand run up my leg
>See her starting to breathe a bit harder
>She asks if I like what I see
>I guide her hand to my zipper
>She unzips my fanny pack instead
>Spaghetti falls out everywhere
>Take off my socks and try to clean it up
>Start to cry
>Get embarrassed and fart watery diarrhea all over my man skirt
>Smear shit all over coffee shop windows
>Ask her to marry me
>Mfw she says no
>Have huge crush on girl for a year
>Sit near her all the time
>When i make jokes, she always laughs
>One day I take her to this spot on campus at lunch
>Touch her boob
>She takes her shirt off
>I take my pants off
>she sucks my dick
>i start fucking her while she blows me
>I came in her pussy and her mouth at the same time man