help, my lizard's dying I got this bearded dragon like

>>>/an/

You'll get more help there than here.

>>588273285
bump cause im interested

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>>588273285
Tie a bunch of balloons to its limbs and send it on an a rollicking action-packed adventure.

>>588273285
Consult some veterinarians and do everything possible to prolong the lizards life

>>588273285
run them in some warm water in a tub they tend to release there shit more in water and put more calcium in his diet and give him some banana and kale also wat the temperature in his tank

I hope u are fucking joking. Coz of not u are a real asshole. Its suppose to poop every day and if it did not u dod not look after it. Wrong food and no luke warm baths. You killed it, dickhead

>>588273285
Eat it

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Open up your heart chakras and send it positive and loving energy as you swiftly smash it's head in with a large and heavy object OR wait to see if it gets better. Your choice, buster.

Take it to a fucking vet, and pay to have it put to sleep in an humane manner u fucking fuck

>>588273285
sounds like you killed it with wrong food/bedding/not changing the cage

run over it or something. it's suffering and won't recover.

Send it on a space mission

>>588273285
contact lizard squad on twitter

>>588273285
Feed it to something higher in the food chain.

>>588274938
This OP. don't succumb to faggotry.

>>588275976

This.

Sedate the lizard, or freeze it, and get some helium. Fill up a bunch of balloons with the helium, tie it to your bearded friend & bid him farewell.

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>>588275062
okay

>>588273285
stop feeding lsd to your lizard

>>588277777
GEEEEEEEEEET

>>588277777
checked.

>>588277777
HOLY FUUUUUCCCCCKKKK

>>588273285
dox them and get them arrested

>>588277777
lizard wizard

>>588273285
You better send him to space

>>588277777
he's gonna be ok

>>588277777
quints saved my lizard's life

>>588277777
cum in my mouth lizard king i will bite you're dick off over their in them woods

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>>588277777
keep him there let relax nigga ur bearded dragon was under stress for whatever reason i shud know i got a bunch

>>588273285
Freezer, then save the tasty meats for later.

For reals, my uncle had a pet alligator, he hated it, it was crazy, so he put it in the freezer. no more bite wounds.

>>588273285
Go to the vet you stupid cunt

>>588274274
this

lmao

Hes still not moving though. I threw a cricket in there with him but hes just laying there. Hes drinking water though so that's good

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>>588277777
Lizard Wizard confirmed for making it.

>>588278581
WHAT THA FUCK NIGGA IS THAT BLUE EYES ULTIMATE LIZARD DRAGON

MOTHERFUCKER GOT FOUR HEADS

>>588278764
cum on him

Put him in your ass and time stamp

This is the wrong place buddy you should of went to /MLP/.

Kill him using vats and use his hide to upgrade your armor

Looks like he needed a hotter/warmer light

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Mine

Did you feed it a bill Cosby dose of x

>>588278581
GIGGA LIZARD!! YOUR QUINTS HAS SPAWNED THIS MONSTER

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>>588279188

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>>588277777

>>588277777
Lizard must survive now.

>>588279760
only my dubs will be able to kill this beast. Check em

>>588273285
FUCKING HORRIBLE HABITAT! Needs space tile warmth uvb and I am sure you have not provided even close to a decent diet...what does the lizard eat!? Lizard should shit every fucking day you fucking idiot!

>>588277777
Quints confirm lizard survival

>>588280142
Fail

>>588277777
quints are the truth

>>588280331
It's ok be got quints

>>588280331
Spring for a larger habitat too OP. A aquarium should be plenty spacious and have domes where they can hide, limbs to climb on, as well as a place to bathe.

>>588280877
It may help...but that lizard it going to need Octo Mom

>>588276124
Lol roll

Hey guys mine is sleeping right now like it does every winter, are all of yours awake? I've had mine for 11 years now.

Call a Veterinarian that specializes in Lizards, likely needs medicine..

Sounds like an emergency, find an emergency room for small pets/lizards?

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Mine

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He's moving around a bit now but hes still keeping his eyes closed and he hasn't eaten the cricket yet.

And fwiw if he does survive, I'll try to find someone more caring to give the lizard to lol

>>588281593
Just let him die cozy in a warm bath

>>588281593
just throwing food in front of an animal isnt going to make it eat. dont force the food near his face or try to keep moving him and shit, cause youll only stress him out even more.

>>588274274
The lizard definitely needs to spend his final moments where no lizard has ever gone before

>>588273285
Microwave it

>>588281593
What compelled you to get a lizard in the first place?
You seem pretty lazy and clueless about the whole thing. Did you get it as a gift or something?

>>588281593
dont feed him during a bath they wont eat and he right now trying pushing out his shit also try something new to eat like fruit or veggie's nigga

make it eat prunes

>>588281593
Don't fee him you dumb nigger.

Do you eat a brick of cheese while on the shitter trying to push out a 6 day turd?

Lizards should have vegetables and fruits, man.
Their body is an ecosystem just like any other animal and it needs a variety of different vitamins and nutrients to survive. Just because the motherfucker is a reptile doesn't mean he don't gotta have vitamins SHEEEEEEEEIT

>>588282522
THIS!

Lol did u tk him 2da bar?

Give him fruit. And don't stress him more.

I don't see a female lizard in that tank, fucktard. How the fuck would you be acting right now if someone had welded boxing gloves to your hands and locked you in a closet for 3 years?

Squeeze his abdomen until he shits.

>>588283335

THAT does nothing to solve the actual problem because we cannot change what has already happened.

its impacted, too late for it now if you dont want a vet visit

>>588283335
fucking faggot. go be self righteous somewhere else

>>588284816
Fuck you don't tell me how to life my live faggot. He's a noob and so are you

>>588277777
Your quints literally saved your lizard.

>>588284172
Yep. Yer gonna have to jack him off

>>588274274
let that dragon fly

>>588285287
And stream it.

>>588285287
Red Rocket

>>588284628
>>588284816
I think the question should be asked. It's important to question people when they lack responsibility.
How the fuck do you think we got to 2014?
When some fucking guy can't even take care of a lizard the question of "WHY" should be asked.
God only know this motherfucker will probably have a kid one day and he should figure out why he's fucking up with his lizard so he can avoid the same situation with a human being.

>>588284908
Shut up you lil faggot he's trying to help it probly a good idea he does give it to someone else that will take care of it the right way

>>588286335
Actually you're dead fucking wrong. The question of "why" generally leads to jack shit. You need to tell people why they were in the wrong, all "why" will get you to is "I don't know" kind of bullshit, and "I don't know" does not get you anywhere either.

>>588286384
No you're a lil fagit he has his animal he can do what he wants. That's what we do in America, what we want. Go away yew yellow teeths yuropoor

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>>588285287
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! No. Get involved on a BEARDED DRAGON FORUM! Give the guy a warm bath and let him fucking rest. They sleep at night. Tomorrow give him a salad of water cress/turnip greens/or collard greens and butternut squash as well as cut up soaked prunes and a bit of coconut oil. GET THE GUY VITAMINS! Calcium with and without d3 as well as herp vit. Offer him crickets but dubia roaches are better. If he doesn't take fine. Give him a warm bath three times a day! Put tile in his tank. Get a larger tank. Make sure his tank is 85 plus and get a UVB NOW! He may survive if Octo Mom shows.

>>588286789
I'm not the kind of asshole that tells people why their wrong before they give me their side of the story.

>>588287222
Cheesed

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poor guy.. /dont get a lizard if you don't have time for them.

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So how long should I leave him there for?

It's probably not warm enough, and if you're just feeding it crickets, you're a fucking asshole. They need lots of leafy greens and veggies. Fuck you.

>>588289026
Let him rest tonight. Leave him in for 15 min 3 times a day.

>>588289026
Dude, are is that the same water he's been in since you first sat him in there?
If so, it's probably not warm enough.
In fact, he's probably freezing lol

>>588289099
>if you don't know how to attend to the specific needs of an exotic pet, you are an evil bastard and I hate you!

I remember eighth grade.

>>588289751
You're jumping to some pretty extreme conclusions if that's how you perceived anons posts.
Must be good being in ninth grade instead, huh?

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You could give him to this girl

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Eyes open now.

>>588289099
I feed it crickets, superworms and sometimes romaine lettuce. It only actively eats superworms though.

>>588289595
I replaced the water once already

maybe he feels lonely

>>588290347
Seriously. Collard greens, mustard greens, squash. HARDLY ANY superworms/mealworms/crickets.

>>588290347
You see how fucked up his scales are?
They are supposed to be light red. Not as grey as your mothers dusted pussy.

Stupid faggot.

>>588290347

It needs calcium and a UVB light - poor thing probably has metabolic bone disease. You can feed them collard greens soaked in a calcium supplement from a local pet store. With those two things he might have a chance.

>>588291092
Insects a couple times a week as an adult

did you try punching it? thats how i get my broken things to work

Good.

I had to put my beardie out of it misery , put it in a tuba ware container then put it in the fridge, it will go to sleep and die peacefully

>>588291161
I chuckled

>>588291493
YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. THIS ISNT THE MOVIES. IT PROBABLY DIED A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH YOU SHITEATING COCKGOBBLING NIGGER.

Only seen it shit 5 times in 3 years? Those things shit all the fucking time. You are doing it wrong.

>>588291659
lizards can't feel, you moron

They eat leaves and fruit if they can get it and the occasional insect. I had one as a kid and i fed it lettuce, cheap frozen vegies and about a teaspoon of dog food a week and the occasional cricket i caught. I also used to take it outside to bask in the sun 3 or 4 times a week.

>>588281593
>>588289026
>>588290347
dont let him drink too much.. give him some damn heat.. currently have a heat lamp er something in there?

he needs some light and feed him when hes nice and toasty. clean that fucking cage and give him a baking spot where he can stand on under the heat.. he probably mad stressed from bsimg raised by a faggot.. most likely identity issues

>>588292027
>identity issues
>topkek

>>588291940
Cant feel?

Invest in a gun.

>>588292014
Oh and strawberries for treats as well.

>>588291196
gets the calciium powder and give him all types if greens and good shit.. just do some fucking research

>>588291940
Are you retarded?

if you can't take care of a stupid lizard you should give up on life

>>588292027
OP. With posts like this it's best for you and (and the lizard) if you don't get offended.
You should really be objective towards yourself (if you haven't been already) and realize that you 're being completely irresponsible and lazy.

rip lizard

>>588292407
everyone knows lizards don't have souls. they may as well be fish of fucking asians. things without souls dont feel. shit, read a book

>>588290254
that thread was good

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only quads can save his lizard

Christ, just put the thing out of its misery. Bring it to a vet and have it euthanized. It weighs like a pound shouldn't cost much.

If you're that cheap just put a rifle to its head.

>>588292568
>tl;dr "Force yourself to go sterile because someone who cannot take care of a lizard shouldnt reproduce"

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>>588273285

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swgU1x9T-EY

what the fuck OP
why the hell do you even have this dragon? You obviously have no fucking idea on what you are doing
poor thing looks so sick
stupid faggot, its not that hard to do some research on google on how to take care of one

> Njg8c4

this is what happens when faggots decide they want a lizard or snake and have no fucking clue, if its bound up with shit bathing in warm water may save its life but it looks pretty fucked. maybe do some research into setting up a vivarium right with UV, basking lights and heat gradients, proper diet, calcium and vitamin supplements. get off the fucking playstation and read a book you cock gobbler

>>588273285
Just put him in the fridge. He'll die painlessly

space mission please

>>588277918
HE HAS NOW STOPPED THE GIGA NIGGA!

WE ARE SAVED

>>588293571
>>588293221
>>588292568
>>588292450
>>588291659
>>588288697
>>588278662

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>>588273285

Space Program

>>588293571
PSN is down.
Now is the best time to read a book or go outside

>>588275868
Fucking this

Op, people like you should not own pets

It's only a lizard, but fuck dude they're supposed to live for like 10 years

>>588277777
QUINT LIZARD GOD

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>>588273285

Google is your friend.

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Alright, I put him back in the enclosure

>>588294347
i had a central make it to 14 and i have a 19yr old bluetongue

>>588294806
OP. Why are you choosing to ignore more than half of the posts in this thread?
PAY ATTENTION MOTHERFUCKER

>>588273285
I can't tell because of your amazing quality picture, but are those woodchips?

If so, it makes sense since you're probably too fucking retarded to know what it needs to eat and drink, nor what temperature to keep the cage at.

My beardie lived 12 years, she just recently passed, but she was a badass. YOUR beardie, however, is forever shamed because it's owner is two I.Q. points away from needing a helmet and assistance with eating. If anything, it is trying to kill itself to get away from you; just like most people/animals around you probably try to.

Congratulations OP, you might be the biggest fucking idiot in the world. I'd say you should kill yourself, but you'd load the shotgun wrong or take sugar pills on accident. So DON'T try to kill yourself, OP, so I have solace in knowing you'll eventually fuck that up and nobody will have to deal with you again.

>>588294749
nice work anon

>>588273285
Did you leave the terrarium light on at all hours? That will seriously drive them insane.

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>>588290347
is /b/ saving this fuckers Lizard?

>>588292737
They certainly can "feel" as in perceive physical stimuli, we're not talking about "feelings" like that here you dolt.

I know you're trolling, but if you wanna talk about reading books, how about you help yourself to a fuckin high school biology textbook you idiot

send it to space op DO IT FAGIT

>>588294806
HE looks so sad dude... you mutherfucker

That fucking lizard is constipated as fuck and full of parasites, motherfucker needs to shit ASAP

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND, OP

>>588277777
Good to see the lizard is doing better, also nice pents

>>588294806
1. Get a UVA light for the night, and a heat basking lamp for the day. Also, put some fucking greenery in the tank and take him out for short periods of time for exercise.
2. Tomorrow, give him kale and bananas, and other calcium rich foods. Gradually wean him off of crickets for the next week or so, diversify his diet.
3. Leave him in the shallow warm water bath for tonight, but keep a VERY close eye one him.
4. MOST IMPORTANT: GET A HEATING ROCK. Bearded dragons bask on top of heating rocks to get heat from their bottom and stomach and heat from the top from basking lights. Heating rocks will undeniably make him shit a normal amount at a normal pace, so THIS IS IMPORTANT.
5. Stop giving it romaine lettuce fuckwit it's poisonous to them.
Pro-tip: Your beardie is looking really bland and pale on his coat. That isn't good. He should be shedding his skin every 1-2 months. Do the above instructions and he'll be up an running in a couple weeks.

Also:
GO TO THE FUCKING VET ASAP

>>588295752
this cunt OP has been told to bath it in warm water but who fucking knows, maybe he should get his mum to deep fry it and just eat the poor fucking thing

>>588295910
LISTEN TO HIM OP

>>588296231
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

This thread made me laugh so much. Thanks op.

But honestly just help your lizard out man. You're like it's god, you're all it has In this world and it probably loves you.
But I wouldn't take it to the vet, that's a waste of money. At least smash it's head In with a hammer if you don't like it.

OP barely even replies even though 90% of the people in here are taking time out of their days?nights to give him some proper fucking advice.
You're too lazy to take care of a lizard and your own fucking thread.
Jeez man, if this is an accurate representation of the way you treat everything in your life NEVER. HAVE. CHILDREN

>>588295910
yeah crickets are shit food for dragons, they have almost zero nutritional value unless they are dusted/gutloaded. that wood chip is dodgy as fuck too, just get some zoo med carpet or fine desert sand and wet it down and make it firm (even sand is a bit iffy)

>>588295910
Half this info is not good

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ITS GOING TO FUCKING DIE ANYWAY SEND THAT DEPRESSED NIGGER INTO SPACE YOU FAGGOT.

>>588296947
Please elaborate

>>588296911

I read the sand isn't good because it gets on the food and they eat it and it messes up their digestion.

bump for life saving

look at all the mad niggas in this thread

have you forgotten where you are?

>>588297156
repti carpet nigger thats your best shot for not getting impaction

>>588297156
it can but its ok if you feed your dragon on a rock, or out of say a terracotta pot plant base, should get no shit in it then, plus desert sand is super fine.

Small air balloon or viking death

>>588297659
lol its good to see a lot of mad niggas in here, you know that all their dragons are kickin back happy as fuck

>>588297112
Heat rocks are not recommended as they can burn them. A heat lamp is enough
I'm not sure what you meant about having a light at night, but it should be dark at night lol use a ceramic bulb if it gets really cold
don't leave him in the water all night, 15 mins at a time is good enough

You need a higher IQ than yours to take care of a lizard.

>>588297659
The internet. Unbounded by a life of rules.
Don't try to tell these people to act a certain way.
I'm sure you can find a thread full of people shitting on each other and posting gore. PEEP THE CATALOG, FUCKER

>>588289026
First pray to God for forgiveness... ask him to help you save the lizard. not jesus.

that thing needs the son and maybe a dab of honey... not weed but some actual honey.it also needs natural sunlight. around a shaded area...lizards can recoop its not going anywhere...it may be the end though... im telling you bring it outside tomorrow if you really fucking CARE!

>>588298326
It's winter. Do you know where he lives?

>>588283116
This

>>588298110
Heating rocks are absolutely necessary, especially if a beardie isn't shitting.
A UV light is necessary, for night or day.
And yeah 15 min is enough, my bad.

OP I'm a vet and your lizard is going to die

Tie him up with some helium balloons and set him free so he can be happy once before he dies

>>588273285
no food or water he's going to leave you

>>588298640
A healthy dragon should poop on there own with just a heat bulb. I've read a lot of bad things about the heat rocks, so I personally don't trust them.
Also if they havnt shat for a few days, a warm bath and slightly rubbing there tummy will help them pass it

>>588274274
Fuck...i lost the screenshot for space toad.
Send him to space
YES WE CAN!!!!

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Looks like he's sleeping now. I'll turn the lamp off when I go to sleep and try to feed him again tomorrow.

>>588295015
>>588296848
I've been reading all the replies, just been busy looking after the lizard lol

>>588296610
^not my post btw

Thanks for the advice guys. If he gets back up and running, I'll still give him away though. Anyways, I'm out. Goodnight

>>588300640
lizard is kill

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>>588300640
>sleeping

>>588295910
You don't want a heating rock directly beneath a beardy it will burn them. Also Romaine is not poisonous to a beardy. For a list of approved foods for them visit beautifuldragons.com - I swear it's not a dragon dildo website.

>>588300640
I'm sorry if you're sad OP, even though you seem to be pretty ignorant and irresponsible when it comes to having responsibilities
I send you and your lizard much love.

>>588274274
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t-iFr9q1I8
I hope someone watches this and keks

>>588300942
that poor frog :(

>>588300640
YOU BETTER POST A FOLLOW UP

Tell us a time, faggot.

>>588300640
lol sleeping. RIP little buddy

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>>588302412

>>588273285

>shoebox
>freezer

its a peaceful and honorable death...watched my ex gf do it to hers after it went khal drago on her...

>>588302952
yo fuck scorpions. I couldnt walk for a week. fuck scorpions.