Enough shit, Zach, let's get down to business. I want me and you to meet up in a KFC parking lot in precisely 3 hours. I will be sitting in a red Ford Escort. You will enter the car and begin tearing my clothes off, before passionately swirling your tongue around my asshole. This will continue for 30 more minutes. You will then leave the car and we will pretend this never happened.
IM JUST SO FUCKING sorry I was never there for you as a father. I wish I had been, but your mother kept you from me. The day you were born she said if I didn't get out of town and never come back she would kill you and frame me. I didn't want that to happen, so I listened. It wasn't until recently I found she had passed. I'm so happy to finally meet you. I can be the father you never had. You have no idea how long I've waited to finally meet you and be your father. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that I couldn't ever be there for you. All that will change now. I promise. Don't ever think I abandoned you, I had no choice. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and put this behind us once and for all. I love you son. I really do.