So today I was looking for a job when I stumbled upon this:

So naturally, being an unemployed alcoholic piece of shit I sent her this:

Hello. My name is Markus West. My wife and I have been looking for a babysitter for quite some time now but unfortunately none of the candidates we've interviewed satisifed our standards. Of course, the reason we're so hard on our potential employees is because we cherish our daughter's safety lots and lots so we wouldn't want to hand her off to some incompentent sleezeball. However, I assure you that there's nothing to be worried about. You seem to be young and moldable so if you're not naturally good at the job it'll be my wife (Anna)'s pleasure to instruct you on our demands.

These are some things you need to know:

* We're looking for someone with common sense and basic organzational skills
* This is a part time position so you'll only be needed on weekends, Fri-Sun from 4pm till 10pm
* We must seek the approvable of your parents first if you're underage
* We pay 25 an hour plus meals, all under the table
*You must abstain from using cellphones or other similar devices while caring for our daughter
*There's six cameras throughout the house. You might think it's a bit excessive but due to a past incident we think it's necessary
*Absolutely NO BOYS allowed in our house
*Being proficient in boardgames would be lovely as my daughter likes them a lot
*At the end of the night you must write a 8 page report on what went on during your workday
*Kitchen counters must be kept clean
*Our daughter is 8 years old and requires minimal supervision (although we do want someone who will engage with her)

Please contact me if you're interested.

>>584273335
Too bad you love cock, OP.

My name is obviously NOT Markus and I obviously don't have a wife, let alone a daughter. This was her response:

Hello I am interested in baby sitting your daughter I've read the things I need to know and they all sound very reasonable though I am a little confused with the 8 page report if it is seriously necessary I will do it but I am interested in this position so I hope you do consider me and if love to talk more about this further with you and your wife thank you

Sent from my iPhone

I respond with this:

Eight? What I meant to put down was "a one page report". I must've gotten confused when thinking about my daughter's age. I didn't mean to scare you!

Before I consult with my partner on hiring you, I must ask you a few questions.

What is your full name?

What is your nationality?

What is your religion?

Whose you're favorite musician?

Between these two colors, which do you perfer

Black/White

When I say "canteloupe" what's the first word that comes to your head?

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?

How many relationships, long-term or otherwise, have you been in?

Have you ever tested positive for STDs?

Do you have any visble tattoos on your body?

Without checking on the internet, do you know who's the president of the united states?

After you're finished, please complete this test and send me the score

http://www.brainmetrix.com/free-iq-test/

Hope to hear from you soon.

>>584273335
Pass me her number and I'll give her the black master race cock

Her response:
My full name is xxxxxx
I am Italian and native
I am Not baptized but I do believe in The Lord and I pray every night
White
When u say can't elope I think yummy
My criminal record is clean
I've had two long term relationships currently in one and have just date two other guys so four relationships
Never had any STDs
I have one tattoo but I can cover it easily
I think it's Obama but in all honesty I really am not to sure
An I will do the test now and send u the score soon

Sent from my iPhone

>>584273750
>black
>masterrace

Choose one faggot.

File: waka-flocka-ok-meme.jpg (19KB, 480x246px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 480x246px

>>584273464
>>584273335
>>584273582

but tragedy strikes! The free IQ test I googled tested her at mentally retarded!

My score was a 52 I know that's low an probably not what your looking for but I am a smart girl I passed all my classes and I know my stuff

Sent from my iPhone

I started ignoring her emails so she followed up with this:

My score might not be high but I know why I'm doing I'm the oldest of 4 brothers and I love to care for children and plan to make that my life career and I hope to hear back from u and your wife because I would love this position

Sent from my iPhone

Pic related, it's her. What should my next step /b/?

>>584274106
nice pic. ask for tits and she can have the job.

>>584274312
do this dude plz

>>584274106
make up some bullshit about how she can't be too attractive because it might cause something blah blah blah and that you need to see her naked. something more intricate but along those lines, may take more than 1 email.

>>584274751

That's poorly thought out. It couldn't possibly work. What I could do is trace her facebook, address, and other personal info based on what she told me but I don't know what good that'd do. At this point what I have is a desperate, gullible, and sweet girl who thinks I'm a fully respectable adult man with a wife. How can I use this to get something out of her?

>>584274977
rape her

>>584274977
take the damn suggestion

>>584274751
this is a bad idea

>>584274312
this is better

make it so that you are handling this affair and your wife won't know about the tits but her tits will allow you to falsify her iq score to your wife

Ok. I'm writing something now.

GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER OP!!! SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!

>>584275489
Shit you went out of your way to make up a story to her you might as well finish it

>>584275703
He's right and your ad does look crazy specific and real. Maybe she'll be dumb or just not care about showing her tits

>>584275561
fuck off