Let it out, /b/
I suffer from extreme insomnia
I haven't talked to my parents since Thanksgiving, and before that, I hadn't talked to them in 9 months
I lost the love of my life almost a year ago
I've been single ever since
She just got into a relationship a couple months ago
She treats me like we were in some sort of abusive relationship when that wasn't at all the case
I make amazing grades in college, but I still feel like I am going nowhere
Very little motivates me, and I spend most of my days sitting in my room doing nothing (literally, not masturbating, not watching TV or YouTube, not browsing 4chan/FB, etc.)
I've gained a considerable amount of weight in the past 2 years
Nobody ever texts or calls me
I've been dealing with depression my whole life
I have been seriously considering suicide over the past 6 weeks
I've been seeking attention from anywhere (subtly) and for someone to show or tell me they care and convince me I shouldn't commit suicide
I even got so desperate that I straight up asked a girl I haven't talked to in years if I should commit suicide, and even with the obvious answer being "NO ANON PLZ WUT R U THNKN?!" she replied "I don't have time for this right now"
I'm looking for this because I don't actually want to die
I know that I've been happy before, and all I long for is that, and I know that if I hold out long enough I might have a chance at being happy again
I also understand that this will likely go unread and ignore because it's /b/, and last time I came here asking someone to convince me not to do it, the thread had 0 replies and I attempted suicide that night
I woke up with a bad headache and my body ached from the pills
I have hypersomnia. My SO is abusive towards me yet she still expects me to treat her like a princess. I don't have any real friends. My family is super judgemental and tbh isn't something i want in my life. I have some weird disorder where i require unrealistic amounts of attention but i don't have anywhere to get it from. I have little appetite lately and only really eat at this point so i don't die.
i don't want to feel like this anymore.
i just want to be okay again.
suicide has its pros and cons, but if you're doing well in college, there's more cons of killing yourself than there are pros. if you kill yourself, you snuff out any future happiness you will ever feel and any goodyou will do
>I also understand that this will likely go unread and ignore because it's /b/, and last time I came here asking someone to convince me not to do it, the thread had 0 replies and I attempted suicide that night
>Being this much of an attention whore.
Yeah nah your a faggot and you should remove yourself from the premises immediately.
Thank you, anon
Look man I've never been absolutely extreme with depression and that sounds like the rut your stuck in. What I have learnt over the years is that NOONE is ever going to care for you. NOONE will seriously support you unless it's a lover or your family, and even family will sometimes not have your back. Only you can take care of yourself. Your never going to get the support from anyone, and if you want to improve things you will never need to rely on that
It's just got to come from yourself man. What do you want, where are you at, and how do you make the small daily changes to get there. Diet and exercise will probably be the best start, and they will help you sleep better, which is a big priority if your an insomniac. Iv had terrible problems with insomnia myself, every fortnight or so not being able to sleep at all for a night. It's a killer and makes ya feel like shit. Limiting your hours in bed to only 8 proper hours, having a set sleeping pattern that never gets interrupted, it all adds up
Reconnect with all your old friends, and do your best to make new ones. Quit your job if it's p shit and get a new one. Make some friends. If you have a hobby you enjoy go to a social club that does that kind of thing. Don't be scared to rejected, it's going to be part of the parcel, so just embrace knowing it's more than likely going to happen and do it anyway
But only you can make that decision, and end your rut, no one else can do that for you. Don't ever expect people to support you, but be thankful for when they do. Don't ask for support and make the point to go through the pain to ensure it doesn't happen again
Goodluck to you man. Remember that there are millions of people in this world that are coming from situations just like you. There are even people who come from a hell of a lot worse. Imagine being retarded in a third world country, and the last person who could support your life died. Shit could be 100x worse
try picking up some sort of an art, like drawing, painting, writing or whatever. It helped me get over my ex, and with the depression that came afterwards. You're gonna get over it, you just gotta believe and try get yourself out the door. go for a hike, and focus on the positives
gif related, You in the future
For the last 317 days I had cried myself to sleep.
The only times I don't is when I'm high.
I basically have to get stoned out of my mind just to be able to have a moment of silence without everything that torments me rushing into my head, and the worst part is that I've convinced myself that it's okay.
You made this sad man lol
You're a good man, anon
Dont listen to those assholes anon. Suicide, and loneliness is something we all struggle through, and have experienced before. Most of the Faggots posting on this thread are too insecure to admit they have had these feelings before. Its nothing new you are young, and its a hard time.If you need someone to talk to im here.
Oh goody, Insomnia, try that and having serious lucid dreams. Whenever you do get to sleep you'll wake up with dreams that are like a bad trip on lsd. Believe me, I jumped out my front window because of it... So, I feel at least some of it, sucks
>I have some weird disorder where i require unrealistic amounts of attention but i don't have anywhere to get it from.
Thats call people being sick and tired of your attention seeking bullshit faggot.
I'm the exact same way
I have managed to get some sleep from weed but it eats into my money and I can only smoke off campus, and my car got stolen 3 years ago, so most nights I don't sleep
I'm really just tired of most things, lately.
I've been downing myself.
Girlfriend has been kind of half ignoring me.
I know she's talking to one of her exes.
She doesn't know that I do, and I really doubt she's going to tell me.
Hell, she talks to him more than she does to me.
It's just frustrating.
Only been together for like 3 and a half months, but it still hurts like fuck.
I'm just really unhappy about how things are probably gonna turn out.
I've had constant headaches for the last 2 weeks.
Work is shit.
I live in fucknuts nowhere, so nothing to do to keep my mind off of shit.
Have all kinds of video games, but I haven't even wanted to play them for the last year.
I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
All I can say is, I'm just tired.
i lie to everyone that im not a virgin
nearly 20 and still a virgin
only fucking 5'7
never had a girlfriend
i have problem in speech like sometimes forgetting a word or stutter
im so fucking beta cant flirt right dont know how to touch girls and cant get a girl horny
i love playing on guitar bur i suck so bad
i have like 4 close friends and were all sorta nerds and we never go to clubs and such since its not our thing therefor no chance of meeting a girl
no license yet
i feel like a weak man although i lift and know various self defense martial arts
sometimes i feel the need to end a conversation and sometimes i have nothing to say in one
i cant look someone in the eyes for more than 4 seconds
i lie quite often
Quit giving a shit about relationships anon. Workout a shit ton, that's one of the best things to do during depression. Get a hobby that involves being outside. Meet some people, that might sound hard but it's really not. Start reading and gain some knowledge. Quit worrying about other people. Go buy a bunch of psychedelics and ego death.
Suicide is a permanent solution to (most likely) temporary problems. Everyone has their shit. I've been real fucking low before too, got dumped, got fat, family lived in Australia so was constantly alone really.
I started working out. Very very simple thing that gives me routine, I look better, feel better.
Now twice a week I go to a coffee shop and read a book, every now and again people come up to me, talk to me, make a new friend. It's really simple things that can turn all the shit around.
I was low for about a year, really low. Now I'm on the up due to such little things that make a huge difference.
I once dated this guy in Massachusetts, keep in mind I live in California, so it was a long distance relationship. We've known each other since 2011, and he was actually the first guy I liked in that way, vice versa. My jealousy got the best of me one day in 2011 & that made me block & remove him.
I broke up with my girlfriend on the 17th of May, and you know, heart broken. I re-added the guy from Mass & turns out his girlfriend broke up with him on the same day as I did.
We both knew we liked each other, so on May 20th, we began to date eachother, he asked me out in a Skype call. 2cute5me.
We used to play games & chat every single day after school. My jealousy kicked in one day because he brang our old friends in the calls & I just stood quiet because I wanted his attention. He knew about my jealousy & anger problems, which he understood. Back to the cute stuff, we would fall asleep together on the Skype call, say mushy stuff "I double wubble you!", silly things of that matter.
1st Day, he didn't reply to my message nor see it.
2nd Day, he still didn't see any messages.
3rd Day, he finally messages me. "Sorry..I needed some time alone."
He tells me that he feels uninterested in a relationship at the moment. That he doesn't want me to give up because of my shitty relationship past. He promises me that he'd still be my friend & message/Skype with me everyday.
A few weeks pass, and he doesn't see a single message & when he does, he passes it off like nothing ever happened, like he didn't do it.
I get angry at this & overreact, deleting him.
I've sent him 2 long apology messages to him, on Skype & Facebook, no reply. I still regret my own actions to this day, we all make mistakes & deal damage. I don't blame him for anything at all, just myself, because of my anger & jealousy I usually have when I'm in a relationship..
5/20/14 - 7/25/14.
Regret it everyday.
But try to be happy.
today marks the one year anniversary of the last time i had sex.
i am cripplingly lonely and not attractive or mentally sound enough to get anyone.
i miss my ex so much. i miss my mom so much. i snorted some moon rock a minute ago and i still feel like garbage.
i feel for ya anon, Ive dealt with my own depression/suicidal thoughts/attempts so i'd like to think i can sympathize well.
>dealt with lyme disease last few years
>fucks with my head, warps my perception
>didn't notice it until people starting calling it out
>every fucking day i woke up too tired to move
>missed a year in school, now in shit tier college
>thought about an hero every day
>couldn't imagine living for another day.
>hospitalized 2 different times
> got treatment, steady antibiotics, feels went away
shit isn't always hard, i know I'm an awful story teller but my point is things will get better, you just have to be bigger than your problems, whether thats lyme, insomnia, loneliness etc. things will be better, i promise you. think of your life as an equilibrium, if things are bad now, they must get better latter
Tl;dr : keep your head up anon
i 'try' songs by various rock and metal bands such as gnr, metallica, pink floyd, the doors, deep purple etc....
last week managed to play the full intro of nothing else matters and the full intro of stairway to heaven so im a bit happy with my progression but i still suck balls amd get nervous infront of "audience" even if its just my dad...
dude, you have an amazing taste in music haha. except metallica i fucking hate them. megadeths better. and not too big on gnr. i have all the pink floyd albums except the new one. you like maiden at all? dont give up on practicing man, youll get better. practice makes perfect. i used to play cuz i was really into speed, and guitar was the only thing that kept me from going insane while wired for days on end.
Some times I feel like everything is going to be okay, others I feel like I'm going to die any moment.
I'm in my late teens and have a daughter that my ex is never going to let me see.
I have a job I hate that gives me shit hours, but I do it for her.
I went from being a perfect straight A student to a barely passing student in less that 4 years.
I'm shipping out to Boot Camp in 9 months, and although it presents new opportunity, I don't see how it can really save my life.
I have two, maybe three close friends that I can actually talk to normally.
Nobody to love, not that anyone is going to want this.
I sleep pretty much all day and end up lying awake at night for hours.
I rarely get out besides work and PT.
It's a rare occasion that I actually feel human.
yeah i love iron maidem too, def leppard, gamma ray, cant get enough of metal..
and yeah i do practice whenever i have the time, it really distracts me from everything that is wrong, all the troubles that chase me
im gonna be good one day, but until then ill be learning, and i probably wont stop
you seem like you have a lot to look forward to if you ask me also people get out of slumps which can last a long as time just remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
Not totally on the same page, but I'm thinking about going after a friend and I'm really nervous.
We've known each other for about two years now, but don't talk much. We went contra dancing on Sunday evening with a bunch of other friends and something about the way tat she looked that night, and what she said, just got me thinking about her. I'm not a student anymore, she still has a year to go, but I'm thinking about going for it. There's a girl who lives in the same apartment as her (I know this other girl a little more, and she went dancing with us too) and ask what I could do to get her to like me. Thoughts?
I always wanted to be a Marine. Besides that, it'll give huge benefits to my daughter and I'll make enough money to provide for her. I'll also be able to go to college if I so desire.
Does anyone else feel like life is a new 3d reality video game aimed at trying to make you kill yourself? That is what my life feels like. I am in so much pain from a botched lung surgery that getting out of bed brings tears to my eyes, a shake to my knees, and another stab in my chest. I can't do anything. When I finally get out of bed I usually can't go far. Maybe downstairs if I am in danger of being dehydrated. I did nothing to deserve this chest pain I deal with on a daily basis. I have had to deal with it for nearly 5 years straight. 5. fucking. years. I swear life is trying to make me kill myself but I will never give in. You know why? BECAUSE FUCK THAT SHIT! I will get better one day. I will fucking get over this chest pain. AND I WILL BE HAPPY IN THE FUTURE! It will take a lot more then this shit to keep me down.
Most likely. I have plans to do college courses on base so that I can go Officer after my first tour. I have the dream to become an English teacher or professor after the Corps but I need to see what happens over the next couple years first.
I had a girl I dated for about 2 years in high school. I gave my all for the woman. I stood up for her when nobody would. I fell in love, heck I was ready to even have kids with her. She broke my heart by cheating on me and then lying to me UNTIL we had sex. She took my virginity then told me she had cheated on me. I literally had never felt so defeated in my life. I may be called a faggot, but whatever, I am a damn romantic. I was the guy who was willing to save his virginity for the right girl.. its like my first goal I had in life got crushed.
As requested. Here is my story. I am currently 22 and spend every day of my life in level ~7-9 pain. What causes your pain anon? 5 days after my 17th birthday on December 5th, 2009 I had a lung surgery following a spontaneous pneumothorax. I was told by my surgeon that it would take me no more then 3-4 weeks to recover because I was in good shape. Before my surgery I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I had a loving family that had my back on everything. Money wasn't an issue and I always made sure to buy things for my friends who didn't have as much as me. Why? Because I am a giver. My goal in life USED to be to make everyone else happy. During my lung surgery the camera inside my chest cavity malfunctioned. The surgeon thought "hey I don't need this camera this surgery is simple". The surgeon ended up severely damaging my nerves so badly that today I can hardly move without screaming in pain and bursting into tears over how sharp and acute the pain is. Now if this first mistake wasn't enough the surgeon rushed me out of the hospital with 2 liters of fluid remaining in my chest cavity. The fluid in my chest cavity became gelatinous and infected, further damaging my nerves to the point they are now. Now you might wonder why did the surgeon rush me home? Like his previous assumption he had made with the camera, he believed "the fluid would come out on its own". It never did. In fact another surgeon had to go in and insert a tub into my chest and melt the gelatinous fluid. That was fun I coughed up blood for ~3-4 months after that procedure.
So my life had gone from a place of complete happiness to complete and utter hell. I had a girlfriend I would eventually lose during some of the months I went through my bullshit. I told her right off the bat when I got the news my nerves were going to be like this for the rest of my life that she should leave me. Of course, she didn't listen to me. Long story short I had to break her heart to save my own.
continued. I wont get into the relationship I lost.. It was so long ago I hardly remember what having a relationship is like. Having someone to care about you.. I don't think I have had one person ask how I am in three years now. Its like I am a ghost ^_^.
Following the botched surgery and the nerve pain my family and I sought out a pain specialist to try and "numb the pain". To date I have had 9 nerve blocks and 3 nerve ablations. Both procedures are used to either numb or cauterize your nerves in an attempt to reduce pain. Lucky for me.. my nerves are damaged in a place where these surgeries to next to nothing for my pain levels. The first year was the worst because I had to feel myself slowly wither away mentally. I had to feel my will to continue slowly die in me. It was like my chest pain had transformed into a cancer that was slowly eating at my soul. I think the last day that I had any emotion under control was November 29th, 2012. The day before my 20th birthday. I had been invited to hang out with my friends. They came to my house and when I tried to get out of bed my legs died under me because of the pain. I fell to the ground and nearly passed out. I got so angry and embarrassed I yelled at them and told them to get out of my house. Since then nobody has messaged me again. I can't blame them. They don't really understand why I am angry.. What it feels like to whither away from a pain that should not logically be there. My body is physically fine except for the damaged nerves. I mean.. am I crazy? I fantasize just cutting into my chest with a knife and stabbing my heart so I can just end my painful existence. I have gradually pushed my family away. I would purposely be an asshole to them so they would leave me alone. I had to watch my little sister cry because I was mean to her.. I made one of the few jewels in my life sad. I almost overdosed on pain killers that night because my sister is an angel.
These days I can't sleep because my pain is so bad. I can't do anything. I have resolved myself to a life full of unbearable pain. Pain killers don't do anything for me anymore. I have literally been on/off every painkiller there is. Oxy, pers, vicodin, straight morphine taps, you name it I have been on it. My day to day life is sleeping when I can. Going to the bathroom when I have to.. and trying to not show my family how much pain I am in. I don't want my parents/sister to find out I am still as bad as always. I purposely force myself to live months on end off of pain killers to give my family the image that I am better. Eventually the added stress from the pain causes my immune system to crash and I have to get more meds. Its like I am wearing a mask that flashes faces of what certain emotions are supposed to look like. Behind my mask is a transparent void of a human being. A wraith that is so miserable and desperate to not give up on life that it manipulates its own brain into falsehoods. My mom caught me the other day stuck in my chair. She realized I couldn't get up and she came over to me and just hugged me and cried. She still cares for me and I don't know why.. I was so mean to her. Yet she still... cried on my shoulder and just kept me company when I was shaking in pain. Why are mothers so damn caring?
thats as much as I am putting.. There are other things I could add but they don't really change anything. I still just live day to day trying my best to not give up or fade away into nothingness. I am a fraction of my former self, but I dream every day that I can regain that happiness I had before my botched surgery. I didn't do anything negative once in my life so logically there is no reason karma would do this to me for the rest of my days.
The only girl I've been with told me after a 4 year relationship that I am a terrible person and better off dead. Then I had a heart attack, started going to the gym, severely messed up my right leg by accident. I am still kicking. I talked 3 people I know out of killing themselves. Used home equipment to remove bullets from my friend's chest. I also got a fucking STD from the toilet seat or some bullshit. Haven't seen a doctor all year despite near constantly bleeding. I work my ass off for underappreciative asshats. If I can keep going you can too.
I can certainly relate to the insomnia. Insomnia is a symptom of a something, a depression, it's a way for subconcious to communicate with you. It compels you to do something, really anything out of the normal to force a change. You're dying OP from the inside, just do something to break out; this tread might be your first step.
One of the issues I find myself dealing with is the difficulty of finding good people to connect with. Basically, mostly everybody is absent minded I don't give a fuck, don't know if it has always been so or if it's has come to it...
Best of luck /b/ro
>amazing grades in college
>only really eat at this point so i don't die
>I've gained a considerable amount of weight in the past 2 years
sure thing faggot.
also kill yourself, you're a pussy.
Im 98% sure that Im on the psychopathic spectrum.
Because my brain is wired to feel little emotion or excitement, im in a constant state of boredom and apathy, unless I use drugs. Its very hard for my brain to get stimulated
I havent had friends for 2 years, and even when I had friends I never really fit in. Due to the aforementioned apathy, Im a boring person so no one like me. I also give of weird vibes and have bad social skills
I cant see any future for myself. I could go through the motions and pretend to be a real human but fuck that. I hate myself because I contain evil. At least I get to be edgy
It's going to be okay. Life has its ups and downs but things will get better just keep doing well in school. And remember what you had with your ex and move on. Its not fair for her to blow you off while your in obvious pain. Suicide is never an answer. Some people are not good at reading signs and it costs them. Get help :) its nothing to be ashamed of. People have what you have too. You're not alone :) I wish you well on your quest to happiness. :P