> go to bar to watch a hockey game with my crazy grandpa
> we hit the waitress lottery
> sexiest fucking qt I've seen in years
> grandpa sees me miring hard
> "Can I get you guys anything?"
> "How about that sweet dumper a' yours round my grandsons whistle"
> turn slowly to my grandpa not quite believing this was real
> girl is noticeably uncomfortable
> blurt out "S-sorry, my grandpa's a little old..."
> Girl kind of collects herself and then gives him a pass cause he's old
> she's waiting for our order but I take it as awkward silence
> fill the void
> "Could you imagine though? You and me having anal sex? haha"
> things get really uncomfortable now
> "I could grandson."
> fucking awkward overload
> girl just walks away
> grandpa and I just sit there staring at the tv's
> manager and another guy from the kitchen come to the table
> "I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave, we don't tolerate that--"
> "Buncha cunts."
> "Old man, just stop..."
> "Buncha fucking pussy cunts"
> "Kid are you going to control your--"
> "We can take them, Anon!" grandpa gets up from the table and just starts swinging
> fucking lands a punch on the managers face gets him all wobbly
> whole restaurant is in fucking disarray
> hear someone a table over "did that old guy with the beard just punch that guy?"
> kitchen guy tries to bear hug my grandpa-- but grandpa bites his neck rick grimes style
> "you sonsa bitches! I'm a god damn senior citizen."
> see some other guy about to deck my grandpa from behind, run up to the guy and just lay him the fuck out
> "fuck yeah Anon."
> 2 guys from the table over get up looking at me
> "we gotta go grandpa."
> He smashes a beer bottle over the table like you see in the movies
> "Try it you fag lords"
> starts pointing the sharp end at anyone who so much as moves
> no one says shit
> can hear some waitresses crying
> grandpa and I leave and then quickly make our way to my car
> drive him back to the home
How the story really went
>Went to bar with granpa
>qt 3.14 waitress arrives
>Granpa sees me mirin' and shouts out loud "She's out of your league you sperg lord"
>Blush in shame
>Waitress laughs his ass off and says "I'll come back later when you're ready to order"
>She sends the homo dude that works at the bar
>I got a grapejuice
> go visit grandpa at the home
> he's not doing so good
> no one gives a shit about him
> he doesn't not like me, but when I get there you can tell he's disappointed to see me
> "Lets go for a walk grandpa"
> we go walk around the grounds
> "ya see that one grandson?"
> he points to some old tart
> "sucked ma dick last wednesday, Hello Mabelle"
> "Hello Charlie." she smiled back
> jesus fuck grandpa is a stud
> he taps me on the shoulder
> "you see that one next to her husband?"
> he points to a woman in the garden next to an elderly gentleman
> "I plowed her fields if you know what I mean."
> we start laughing
> "What did you say Charlie?"
> Old man next to the woman gets up and looks all pissed
> start feeling uncomfortable
> "I said, wonderful afternoon!" says my grandpa
> "Oh." says the man as he checks his hearing aid, "why yes it is."
> we evaded that one
> "a nice day to give your wife ma whistle"
> grandpa jumps Jarvis and starts kicking him
> orderly comes in and I have to leave
> be thanksgiving
> whole family's brought into the kitchen
> grandpa won't eat
> "you have to eat Charlie" says my mom "I made your favourite"
> one of my aunts fucking spoon feeds him like a baby
> he spits it out across the table
> "I aint eatin at the same table as no nigger"
> everyone stares at my sisters friend
> whole fucking table goes quiet
> sisters friend gets up and starts to cry
> "Shelby...no wait...he's just old."
> grandpa starts to chuckle
> "pass me the yams grandson. I love me some yams."
I'm hearing this in Professor Farnsworth's voice...
> be black friday
> grandpa calls me up before dawn and tells me to pick him up at 7
> hangs up
> no ones talking to grandpa after what he said over dinner
> feel sorry for the guy since hes pretty much hated by everyone in our family
> drive up to the home at 7
> he gets in
> tells me he wants to go shopping cause he heard there's going to be some deals at sears
> drive to sears
> its fucking packed with people
> "Look at all them niggers."
> "you can't say that..."
> "just take me to the fucking electronics section."
> we're looking at tvs and shit
> sales guys walks by
> "can I help you guys find anything?"
> "I needs one of them electric vibrators for my lady friend. she wants it up her dumper while I give her ma' whistle"
> me and the sales guy go beet red
> "uhh.. we don't...we don't carry..."
> grandpa starts shouting shit at the top of his lungs and chucking battery packs at the sales guy
> we get the fuck out of there and I drop him back off at the home
>He smashes a beer bottle over the table like you see in the movies
You have never done or seen this in real life. This doesn'T work in real life, you either slice your damn hand or that thing just stays intact. Fuck off, op
> grandpa invites me out for a round of golf with some guys from the home
> "yeah sure, that'll be fun."
> arrive at the home to pick him and his friends up
> dressed in my golf shit
> 4 old men get in the car...
> I ask him if the course is really liberal with the rules since there'd be 5 in our group
> he starts laughing
> "you're not fucking golfing. golf a mans sport, grandson. You're ma caddie bitch."
> caddie for grandpa like a bitch
> he wont even let me drive the golf cart
> on the 7th hole he drives the thing into the woods
> "uhh grandpa, your balls over there... by the sandtrap" i say pointing a good 40 yards away
> "i gotta take a dump"
> he passes me his club and just drops trow
> "hold me up, i'm old"
> Hold him up while he takes a shit on some leaves."
> he starts laughing drops a titelist 3 onto the pile of shit
> "Hey Larry, I found your ball!"
> christmas comes around
> the family decided maybe it was best if no one came to spring him out of the home for the day...after thanksgiving
> after we open presents and we eat dinner I start getting really sad for him
> tell mom im gonna bring him a plate and just check up on him
> she smiles and calls me a good grandson
> take a few candy canes, some food, and the bundle of dvds I got for him
> get to the home
> knock on the door
> no answer
> start getting really fucking paranoid
> thinking that he died or killed himself or some shit
> walk in
> grandpas on the edge of the bed fucking some old saggy bag of bones doggy style in his wife beater and socks
> will never forget those womans tits
> they were flip flopping so hard after each pounding that they'd go around the world and smack her back
> grandpa notices me
> "merry christmas fag lord"
> drop everything on his table and then get the fuck out of there
> a few weeks later grandpa got really sick
> how sick I hadn't a clue
> go visit him one weekend
> check in with this new girl at the front desk
> she's unbelievably cute
> we're hitting it off great
> tell her im here to see my grandpa
> "Who's your grandpa?" she smiled
> the smile completely goes away like I just called her a cunt
> "umm...how's he doing... mom said he was sick..."
> "He is... but he's doing okay, I think."
> "What's going on...it's not like cancer is it?"
> she shook her head
> "what does he have then?"
> grandpas been seeing this one woman quite frequently now and he wants me to meet her
> "i think she might be the one, grandson."
> tells me he's taking me and her out for a steak dinner
> drive up to the home
> pick up grandpa and his girlfriend
> she looks familiar
> can't quite remember who she is
> go to restaurant
> "give me your finest table"
> "right this way sir."
> asian girl leads us to our table
> gives us our menus then walks away
> "fucking chinks working at red lobster. Aint that something, Mabelle."
> look to see if the asian hostess heard that
> mabelle... where do I know that name from
> "makes sense though...they got that fishy smell"
> "so... how'd you guys meet?" I said trying to change the subject as the asian girl brought us some waters
> "I used to fuck ol' Mabelle here on the side. Then her old man croaked and well... I'm just a shoulder to cry on now."
> grab Mabelle's hand as she looks uncomfortable and sad...try and console her
> "oh... I'm so sorry Mabelle...Jarvis right? He seemed--"
> "a shoulder with a dick...now where that fucking chink at? I want my steak"
> we eat our meal and then when the bill arrives he starts having a fucking heart attack
> I start freaking out but then remember he's done this shit before to get out of paying the bill
> pull out my wallet
> "put it away grandson, tonights on me."
> he starts faking his heart attack again
> I get up to "call the ambulance"
> pay for our bill at the front
> we leave
> in the parking lot
> grandpa is fucking slapping his knee laughing
> "we showed them cunts"
> turn to Mabelle who's crying
> "what's wrong dear?"
> "my---my Jarvis... died of a heart attack"
> grandpa starts loling
> grandpa calls me up
> "i need you to set me up one a them computeys in this fucking nazi prison camp"
> "yeah sure grandpa, I think I have an old one in the basement you can have."
> drive to home
> bring computer inside
> see the cute girl at the front desk
> tell her i'm bringing a computer in for my grandpa since the home didnt have one
> "we have a whole computer lab"
> "well why does he need his own?"
> this black nurse walks by
> "you talking about Charlie?"
> I nod
> "He was masterbating in the computer lab, we had to take his privelages away.
> see grandpa poke his head around the corner
> he cups his hands around his mouth
> i get an email from grandpa at like 11:30pm
> "grandson, i need you to come here ASAP do not call me they might be listening into my calls"
> out with friends so don't even bother
> get home around 3:30 and notice theres like 12 more emails from him in my inbox
> call him up
> "Hey grandpa what's go--"
> get worried and drive over there
> walk to his room and knock on the door
> he inches the door open
> looks around
> "you alone, anon?"
> I nod
> "he lets me in."
> he's in his his wife beater and boxers
> "what's up?" I ask
> he points to his bed
> Mabelle is ice cold naked on his bed
> "oh fuck...is she..."
> "don't get any ideas faggot."
> "wut the hell happened..."
> "fucked her dead, grandson." he points at him self all vanna whitey, like he's some prize
> "grandpa...we gotta tell the staff you can't just leave her here."
> he starts going ape shit and starts throwing punches at me
> I got to the front desk, different girl there, this ones fucking 400 lbs
> tell her that one of the residents passed
> take her to grandpas room
> when we get in there and I'm showing her to the body we see grandpa taking a vibrator out of the corpses ass
> he looks at us the way a dog does when you catch it doing something bad
> "don't worry you sonsabitches, it ain't hers, I ain't grave robbing 'er."
> at Mabelle's funeral at the homes on premises church with grandpa
> it's just us, some of the staff and Mabelle's family
> Mabelle's son gives a really nice eulogy
> kind of made me teary
> tells about how was a dairy model back in the day whatever that means
> grandpa nudges me and in a very audible, very hearable voice, "fucked a model."
> start hearing the cries from her family on the other side of the small church
> at the end of service they served little snacks and juice
> walk over to Mabelle's son, tell her who I am and how I met Mabelle.
> "she was such a lovely woman. She lived a good life."
"right to the end" my grandpa chimes in
> "oh? you were with her in her final moments?"
> the black nurse starts motioning for my grandpa to stop, later I'd find out they never told the family how she died
> "son, I was IN her, in her final moments."
> burst out laughing, I can't help
> the dad gets angry and slaps the naniamo bar out of my hand
> "when you're mad boy, you look just like her mom...except... you don't got ma whistle cider on your eyes."
> he splashes his juice at Mabelle's son's face
> "fag lord"
> take grandpa out of the church as fast as I can
> can hear the family crying behind us
> grandpa went on a cruise
> turns out Mabelle left him some cash
> her family was pissed about it but it must not have been enough to care
> waiting for him at the airport
> wait for over an hour after his plane landed
> no word from grandpa
> getting freaked out
> go talk to security
> there's a huge search for grandpa
> freaking out
> called mom and dad told them he's missing
> his name is being shouted across the airport speaker system
> 20 minutes later I see him tanned as fuck with a lei around his neck by the baggage claim eating a sub
> "grandpa! where the fuck were you?" Everyone was looking for you."
> security radios in to call off the search
> "shoulda seen the sub girl, anon. She had tatas the size a fucking motors."
> "what does that even mean...why were you gone for like 2 hours?"
> "you never seen this woman make subs, anon. She bends over and makes em. I bought a lot of subs, to get a lot of looks."
> he hands me a sub and I drive him home
Is that motherfucking Twin Peaks in Las Vegas?! My favorite bar. I love to order an orange wheat and chill on the balconie overlooking the strip. Good times, thanks for the nostalgia OP.
> grandpa's birthday rolls around
> mom and dad, and my sister are finally coming around when it comes to forgiving grandpa so we decide to go visit him all as one big family
> I rush ahead just in case...scared he's in there getting birthday sex from some old bag
> knock on the door
> "come in."
> grandpas on his bed jacking off
> "for fuck sakes, anon. I thought you was that big nigger nurse."
> almost puke
> i think seeing your grandpa fap is almost like shooting yourself in the past if you go time travelling---worse even
> tell him the whole families here to see him
> "I don't wanna see him anon, bunch a thankless cunts."
> throw clothes at him as I look the other way
> "you never seen a dick this big, fag lord?" he laughs as he gets changed
> we have breakfast in the cafeteria
> grandpa doesn't say one word to the rest of the family
> "so how are you doing dad?" asks my dad
> "anon, you wanna get out of here? this place is a little too backstabbing fag lordy for me."
> he gets up and marches to the gamesroom
> we play shuffleboard
> "you cant hold a grudge grandpa. They're family. They were just mad at how you act."
> "yeah..but you didn't."
> he comes over to me and gives me a hug and whispers into my ear
> "I shit my pants." he starts laughing his face off
> "and I don't even care cause it's my birthday."
> he pats his bum and then smells his hand and makes a disgusted face
> "woooooooooooooooooooo now where's that nigger gal with ma cake?"
fking niger fok of m8 il foq yur mums pusi fkin fagt n il raep yor sistr mederfoqr pusy jewfag wana fukin talk sht to me nmtrfuqer im kil yo familt in 3 mintuts foektn feigte il taech yor dad hoe to b a rel alpha mal n i wil mak babis to yor grandmum so i cn be yur fathr fikn faget nigerfuk il cut yu lik a salami in a pizeria lik piza sauc m8
Could you please leave? If not, I will be forced to have sexual relationships with your mother and grandmother. The implications of such relationships would imply that I am technically your father. If you still do not leave then I am afraid I must stab you.
> wake up one morning to a message from my mom
> says I need to get over to the house immediately
> tells me its about grandpa
> what the fuck did he do this time
> dad tells me grandpa escaped from the home in the middle of the night last night
> and he left me a letter
> hands me the letter--on the front it says my name"
> "Dear faglord, if you're reading this i successfully broke out of fucking Auschwitz. It's not as fun as you think. It's sad really. All it is is people dying all around you, people yelling at you that you can't do the shit you want to do because you're too old, and the smell. Not sure if you noticed, but no one around here seems to know how to flush a gottdamn toilet. The only thing I regret leaving behind is you. You were always there for your grandpa, even when I know I was difficult sometimes. I'll miss you faglord.
> start crying over top the letter
> 2 hours later we get a call that grandpa got arrested at a stripbar and was in jail
> go bail him out with my dad
> quiet all the way home
> "fuck you sonsabitches, like never finger blasted a stripper before"
>mfw this thread
True enough. Got some done, posting.
i read the grandpa part in his voice
fucking hell, go back to 9fag you raging fag lords
> arrive at the home to take my grandpa to the doctors
> wait in the waiting area at the front
> see the cute girl from the front desk cleaning some of the glass cabinets and start small talking her
> > "Windex eh? Nice."
> she's super bored and uninterested
> grandpa shows up
> "my grandson trying to get that sweet cookie a yours, Yanna?"
> she laughs sarcastically
> I guess by this time she's used to the old crazy man
> "grandpa I was just talking."
> "talking? talking? Yanna--my grandson heres a faglord and cant ask no pretty girls out. You wanna go to the movies with him? On me?"
> start wondering how he's going to pull a heart attack at the movies
> "umm..." she looks me over, holy fuck she might actually like me
> "you heard of genetics yanna?"
> she looks at my grandpa and nods, "I'm a nurse."
> grandpa whips out his dick "long as his mama's side ain't no shrimp whistle"
> she starts walking away briskly
> "you got one a these to look forward to. They got them this big in fucking Czecheslovakia?"
> walk out to eh car and wait for grandpa
>"pass me the yams grandson. I love me some yams."
Oh god plz be real
>They got them this big in fucking Czecheslovakia
And another one. Going to compile one with all of them after wards.
My aunt does shit like this, no fucks given. She's been senile for a decade now so we just laugh with her.
>someone get that colored girl for me
>throws stuff at people
> "why do we have to another doctor? isn't there a doctor at the old folks home?"
> "Dr. Kennedy retired. They brought in some chink doctor."
> "oh right...and you're a racist old son of a bitch." I mutter
> he smacks me on the back of the head
> "watch I'm your grandpa. and besides that ain't it. I gotta see a specialist."
> start feeling sick to my stomach
> waiting in wait room for grandpa at some fucking doctors office all these old guys are sitting there around me reading magazines
> grandpa comes out carrying a pamphlet looking really nervous
> walk up to him and pat him on the back as he talks with the receptionist
> "you okay?"
> he nods
> "so when can we pencil you in for your hair transplant?"
> that son of a bitch
My grandma is pretty redpilled. Hates Israel and nignogs.
>walking in the park
>black guy on the bench talking non the phone
>pulls me closer
>whispers: anon, they got fucking mobile phones like we do now.
>from MY tax money
Problem is when she 'whispers' something everyone around her can hear her kek
> looking at grandpa in his hospital gown as he walks out of the fucking clinic even though they told him he needs to stay
> he's been yelling at the nurses all day saying his head's fucking itchy
> bandages wrapped around his head
> "ain't got time for this shit."
> on our way back he groggily says, "lets take a pit stop at that titty bar, grandson."
> "no...you're not even dressed...you're in a gown..."
> "you're just like your fucking father, let me out. Let me out of this fucking car, fag lord."
> get so pissed I just let him out
> watch him wander into the strip bar
> fucking bouncer turns him away
> roll down window
> "we going"
> "fuck you fag lord" he middle fingers me and I drive off
>> "we going"
>> "fuck you fag lord" he middle fingers me and I drive off
In fact if I had your grandfather, I'd of had a camera on at all times when around him. Just because of how funny he is. I'd turn it into a movie and make fucking millions from it
he could have pre-written all of them. also to be fair this is all just run-of-the-mill badass grandpa caricature shit. Theres nothing spectacular here. It really feels fabricated to me and I thought that it being fabricated was the consensus and people actually believing it is upsetting.
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
No one cares. Real or not, it's entertaining. If you disagree, you wouldn't have stayed until the end. A lot better than the usual shit you see on here now, day after day, which is unfortunate.
> a few hours later I tried calling the home--he still wasn't back
> I started to get worried and drove back to the strip bar in the dead of night to ask around
> tell bouncer
> "You talking about Charles?"
> I nod
> "big spenders in the back"
> he lets me in
> "in the back" he reminds me
> it's like 2 am--and the stripbars pretty much dead.
> there's one girl kind of haphazardly swinging on a pole as two guys are talking to one another
> start getting to the back
> hear moaning
> for fuck sakes grandpa
> open the door to the "champagne room"
> there's 3 girls in there buck naked laughing away as grandpa is banging a 4th
> he's naked except for the fucking bandages wrapped around his head
> one girl is fucking snorting coke
> grandpa notices me
> "Look who it is ladies...FAG LORD."
> I rush out of the room, I don't want to see this.
> hear my grandpa laughing "kids my grandson. Great kid."
> start to smile
> "uggghhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, I'm cummmmmming."
> "fucking gross."
> "I'm cummmmming for you Ellen"
> Ellen was my grandma's name
> burst back into the room
> grandpa's stroking his cock off on some sluts face as he gasps for oxygen
> "what a way to blow your inheritance eh, kid?"
> he laughs
> i walk out to the car and wait for him
> he comes in a few minutes later
> "did you really spend a lot?"
> "all I have."
> "why the fuck would you do that?"
> "i got no one else in this world sides me... thats why...you left me here."
> "I was the only one who cared about you, you know?"
> "cause you're a faggot pussy."
> drive him back to the home and drop him off
Last little end piece was cut off and didn't notice. Fixed.
Waiting for someone to post that pic of grandpa boasting that he went to paris, fucked the barmaids, etc. The Grandson tries the same but gets #rekt. Grandson asks who Pa went with...
> grandpa spent over 8 grand that night on drugs and sex
> he wasn't a rich man by any means and sadly that was everything
> i stopped visiting him as regularly--it wasn't the money, it was just i was getting sick of his shit
> it might sound fun to be his grandson, but imagine everywhere you go with him, there's that little voice in the back of your head that says
> he's going to say or do something crazy
> well I had no fucking idea how crazy things would get
> even though he was out of money he still found a way to make ends meet and was still paying his old folks bill
> you might think dad and mom were doing this, but they stopped
> people stopped.
> they stopped doing things for him because he'd always find a way to be a total racist asshole
> and he never got the message
> during the time I actually started dating this latin girl...and while I spoke of grandpa all the time, I never let her meet him...
> i was too scared
> until this one day during the summer
> me and my gf went to the old folks home to meet grandpa
> hadn't spoke with him in ages
> see Yanna there, she waved and smiled
> I spoke with her a bit--she told me how the black nurse quit recently due to "stress"
> "so where is stress?" i asked
> he's over in one of the other gentleman's rooms playing poker, I think in room 224
> we head over to 224
> "my grandpa is a nice guy...but he's from a different time" i warn my girlfriend
> "oh it's fine."
> "no. you don't get it... he's a mean old biggot...who doesn't love anyone...just..."
> I open 224
> grandpas inside with some big fat old mans cock in his mouth
> his cradling the balls
> he turns to me
> a tear falls from his eyes
> we shut the door totally confused
> hear grandad talking from inside
> "that's the greatest grandson in the world"
Turns out to make ends meet, grandpa had become the old folks home prostitute and was sucking and fucking anyone who'd give him money or collectibles. He's still alive to this day, and he's still a dick, but I love that son of a bitch.
Thanks for reading guys. Fag Lord out.
Are you Michael Bay? That ending sucked. Thanks for giving us 2 loveable rick and morty type characters; only to fuck it up in the end. You've lost our trust anon, you're an embaressment. Please, kill yourself
Thanks for the stories man. Dont care if they're real or fake. They were good. I compiled them all into one. Here you go faggots, add this to your YLY or Best of /b/ folders.
I would write a script on something else. Not that I don't want you to but things I share on here are hated by literary agents. I tried to pitch another story I shared. Got laughed the fuck out.
>I would write a script on something else. Not that I don't want you to but things I share on here are hated by literary agents. I tried to pitch another story I shared. Got laughed the fuck out.
Just self publish and have anons read it, and if catches on you can be a '50 shades' or 'twilight' since that started out self published
Nevermind. This had OPS last post. Here you are Fag Lords.
maybe another day. I always come on here to share stories of my life when I'm feeling depressed for some reason. It's super late anyways and I have a full day of IT'ing to do tomorrow.
>> grandpa's birthday rolls around
>> mom and dad, and my sister are finally coming around when it comes to forgiving grandpa so we decide to go visit him all as one big family
>> I rush ahead just in case...scared he's in there getting birthday sex from some old bag
>> knock on the door
>> "come in."
>> grandpas on his bed jacking off
>> "for fuck sakes, anon. I thought you was that big nigger nurse."
>> almost puke
mfw a nurse caught me masturbating when in hospital
Umm not sure if this against the code of 4chan or what but a few things.
I fucking love those stories. Made my house mate read them even though he gave up my 7 year jig of denying I go in 4chan. Top work, top kek.
waitress was a man and he laughed his ass off because OP thought he was a gril.
what really happened.
OP was molested by his grandad and confronted him at a bar about it but OP got drunk and has sex with grandpa again but made up this story to try and block the pain.
damn didn't know that. do you know if moot ever answers emails. A few months back I asked him to confirm my IP just so I could have that proof if need be. (I am trying to pitch the show and having proof I am the it guy would probably help win you guys over if it ever was made which is likely never going to happen, but still--the script is honestly really good and the season 1 arc I have mapped out would be something I know I'd watch after I converted it to a more tv friendly format.
oh and your ip? how old is the it story? Ive seen it around for months/years? idk i come here from time to time since like 2010 so idk how old shit is anymore...is your ip static? Don't think they log IPs of people and relate them to archived threads, i might be wrong though but doubt it