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My ex wife was never a big fan of sexual adventure. Never wanted to try anything new or anything adventurous. Aside being a wonderful woman, this was the only flaw in her. I confronted her about it years after we married. There was no resolution and we divorced. Few years fastforward I met another woman whom I was engaged to at the time, I moved on. My ex remained single. I met up with her by chance at a local cafe one time, and I asked her to tell me the truth now that it would probably mean next to nothing. She said, when I was younger, I was brutally raped by my step father, He damaged my parts and I almost died from it. From that moment on having sex was a bit painful and the psychological trauma was relived every single time. The question you used to ask me was why didnt I Want to have sex with you...but the real question should be ; why did I have sex with you despite the pain and the trauma. I asked her why...she said, because I love you, and you mean more than my own personal pain. I broke down and cried at that cafe, and even after all the stupid things I had done and said to her, she comforted me. I cancelled the wedding, went back to visit her but learned that she had taken her life on the date the wedding would have taken place.
see this? its the largest body of water every discovered by man. its just a floating mass of water in space, 22 thousand times the size of our earth. At its very center, a black hole that pulls the water in through one end, and out the other.
they say where ever there is water, there is life. at the bottom of the ocean with unbearable temperature, where water meets lava, there are crabs who find the heat perfectly natural.
so out there, in space, right now, there are probably space whales just speeding back and forth through a black hole. Space dolphins are observing outer space by swimming right up to the edges of their hourglass shaped water planet. mer people. who knows.
fun fact, this is observed via telescope from 12 billion light years away, which according to some science jerk means that its actually something 12 billion years in the past! thats only 4 billion years after the universe was supposedly created, and 8 billion years before earth got its big start.
now I'm know science guy, but doesnt that make it possible that, like the starlight we see that is actually dead, this water mass is long gone and scattered all over the universe. For all we know, we are looking at it, and seeing earth's ancestor! 1/2200th of that water may have landed right here where we are. and wheres the rest?
it is what scientist believe turtles will one day evolve into. Turtles. they basically become new dinosaurs. some scientist believe that turtles will one day evolve to be the LARGEST land walking animal of all time. I think its 100 million years in the future. maybe 200.
if you havent seen it, theres a documentary called "the future is wild" and it shows a whole bunch of cool future evolution possibilities long after humans go extinct.
one is a giant land walking squid. they're 100% muscle, no bones, and they go around the jungle eating smaller squids who are basically squid monkeys and jump from tree to tree.
do you ever wonder if life on another planet is more brobdingnad, and the animals are WAYYYY fucking bigger. in most alien movies they're roughlt the same size as humans, though in avatar they were a bit taller at least. like 11 feet or something? i didnt like the movie that much.
>>581216915 >toraton Jesus christ that's a name I haven't heard in a long ass time...
Mang, I remember having that series in DVD and watching it every single fucking day as a child...
>>581217176 It has a local and online two-player option. Also, the comic, as far as I recall, is just a fan thing. It doesn't even make sense, Umbrella is never shown as unhappy or depressed (she's a child chrissakes), so I don't really know where the inspiration came from. The ending for Parasoul's arc is real sad, tho, and it involves both of them.
its a legit fucking series. i recently downloaded and watched some of the highlights. i always remember it lacked cool creatures. the majority were lame, but every once in a while a toraton came along and got me bonered up for science. good stuff.
ill probs never play it, but ill put it on the list i keep. i dont have too much free time, so i tend to spend it here just relaxing. my friend tends to play strictly nintendo stufff or some reason.
>be 16 >sophomore in highschool >have a tight knit group of friends >we're all really autismal >casually call each other niggers even though none of us are niggers >be first day of new semester >get placed in Geometry with friend #1 >friend #2 is in a different Geometry >I sit right in front of friend #1 and he sits next to this tall nigger >tall nigger is a nigger but he looks and acts really white >tall niggers name is Tom >Friend #1 and Tom work on Geometry together all the time and I join in to help >soon enough Tom and I are hanging out >Friend #1 and Tom don't hang out too much but they talk in class pretty often >hanging out with friend #3 and introduce him to Tom >Tom invites us over to his crib to smoke out of a gravity bong >never smoked out of a gravity bong before so we're very excite >this dude smokes us out, totally free >we hang out all the time at school and after school for months >smoking with him once or twice a month >everything is going great >summer time comes >we smoke a couple of times >one day we text him to hang out >he responds "I'm not in NY" >we respond asking where he is >he reads the message but doesn't respond >this goes on for a week >eventually the messages stop delivering >friend #3 and I figure he's just out of the country on vacation >all of summer goes by and no response >be first day of school >friend #3 and I are really excited to see Tom
>we go the whole school day without seeing him >go to see his advisor after school and ask where he is >she tells us he wasn't here today >expect to see him next day >he does not come >goes on for weeks >then months >decide to go to Tom's house with friend #3 and see if maybe he just transferred schools >go to his apartment complex >walk past the doorman without question because we're white >take the elevator up to his floor and walk to his apartment >brace ourselves >knock on door super excited >complete silence, no answer >continue knocking for 5min >no answer >go back down stairs >ask the guys sitting behind the lobby desk about Tom >give them his last name and his apt number >"Tom Anonski? The Anonski family hasn't lived here for years" >years >YEARS >friend and I look at each other, mindfucked >tell him thats impossible because we were there at his apt with him several times just a few months ago >he tells us that's impossible >thank the guy and leave >friend and I are really spooked and disappointed >Tom was one of the best friends either of us had ever had >miss that nigger >Tom, if you're reading this, we miss you bud.
>Be me many years ago 14 year old beta fag >Have a terrible and abusive home life, mother is either high or drunk most of the time >Abuses me constantly >Little brother a good foot taller then me and has anger issues >Takes it out on me it's okay love you bro >Lose myself in the internet like all 14 year olds i go to deviantart >Start writings dozens of poems and uploading them >Actually get an assload of views >Meet a cute trap, date said trap introduces me to his friend >10/10 qt3.14 > Beautiful hazel eyes long blonde hair >also hot as hell wont lie big tits and a rockin booty >becomes a huge fan of my work >Reads and comments on anything >She was a painter >Really damn good tbh /b/ > Anyway i date this trap for two years while being this girls best friend >We talk about everything, she also has a shit home life >Abused molested beaten etc >We bond over this
>Eventually trap friend leaves me >Hurts but you know whatever best and only friend has me >She and i video chat over yahoo >Just as gorgeous as the first time i saw her >She comforts me while i cry and helps me get over him >Over the next few weeks she and i talk more >Like i call her at 2pm we talk till 4 am because fuck yeah >Eventually i confess i always thought she was cute >"W-well anon i really like you too..." >I ask her out that night and she says yes >Face hurts from smiling the next day
Little bit about me >Moved every few months >Didnt have any friends because i was always a newfag >Mother didnt care father left when i was young barely saw or heard from him >Had one or two in a small town we moved back to once every so often. >Eventually would be my besties
anyway back to the story
>Two months we are dating and it seems perf >We talk like that everyday for hours on end >Both of us very happy >Though she is on depression medication >She makes a new friend >An older guy who is a tatoo artists >Little bit jealous how often they hang out since i live far away >Whatever that is her dream job >Meanwhile i pick up work on a farm because valentines day is coming up >I wanna get her a dress i knew she would love >She gets put on a new kind of medication >Makes her drowsy >Valentines day is that weekend
>>581223841 I run the risk of dying on the way to the grocery store from my own kind. Fuck Master Chief. Take off your god damn armor. Any military personnel that walks around public in their uniform is a fucking douchebag.
>The dress arrives on valentines day >she texts me how happy she is about it and it was the best day ever >Makes me happy >Earlier that week she had gotten very distant and we didnt talk much at all >Was worried she said she just wasnt feeling well >Whatever probably bad period or something idk >Later that night she calls me up >She sounds really weak faint >Im worried but she says she is just sick >So we start talking like normal >She says she has a confession >Her new friend was over one day when she was taking her meds >She passed out and he raped her >She was a virgin >Wanted our first time to be special >It devastated her tbh >Found out she had slit her wrists before calling me >She is bleeding a lot >Starts crying like a bitch > "Hey anon?" >"Y-Yeah?" >" Well you know, i really like you." >Could almost see that snarky smile she would have >Phone clatters >Bawl like a baby
>>581215619 This kind of stuff really intrigues me, and I guess it lightens my mood too. Perhaps it's the fact of me realizing just how unfathomably vast and intricate the rest of the universe is, and for better or worse, how insignificant that makes my problems in comparison
Sometimes being hopelessly inquisitive hurts you, but I find most times it helps you
>Next few days im a zombie >Back at the school with these two fags who somehow remained friends >Wont eat, barely drinks >have this old exercise bike i ride until i passout >There was this song i would sing to her everynight >If she was upset i sang it >"Absolutely" Or the story of a girl whichever way you want >My friends take care of me >Never tell them the story >never get anywhere as close to them as i was with her >Get mad >Start dating and hurting people on purpose >Do some bad things >Try to kill myself >Fuck up >Hooked up with a gypsy caravan >Went to college >Dropped out (cuz money) >Am now living with my dad *he isnt a bad guy* >Doesnt know what to do with my life >Wants to try and date now that its been like three years >Afraid im just trying to hurt people again
Late this afternoon I heard your voice It was the first time in what felt like years It was a whisper in my ears and then the wind in the trees It was the shaking of leaves that shook the streets while shaking me
Late this afternoon I heard your voice I got hit for the first time in what felt like years It struck me down a harmless jab at you while you rang loud and clear You tore down the walls Just as quickly you were gone
The New Haven expose Must've heard me call us off Must've heard my brief applause Must've heard my disbelief
The New Haven expose Confirmed they caught a killer Well I caught a chill When the newsprint said the gunman was nineteen
Late this afternoon I heard your voice It was the first time in what felt like years
>For some reason as I grew older I grew more into this shell >Stopped being so outgoing, but had to still be since that's all people expected of me >It was so uncomfortable >Eventually start to go more into my head, starting to over-analyze things >I over-analyze relationships most of all >Become a complete professional on this stuff by 17 >Not happy at all, and the fact that what I say won't be understood or thought upon just killed me >I grew distant from my family as a result of what was going on at school >Almost any social interaction kills me on the inside, but I'm a good actor anyway, so it's not so much a problem of showing it as it is not >Thoughts have become completely robotic >The only time I can really show my true feelings is here where I'm anonymous >This thinking didn't go away after high school >Still a very deep thinker and it's hard to get better >I'm pretty much my own psychologist, as I really don't see a professional making any progress with me >Family ignores me, which just drives us more and more apart >Most people don't value my input and most of the time take it as sarcasm >Hated by many for no reason and can't fix it as they're all too stubborn to allow me to apologize for fucking nothing >The one thing that kills me more than being ignored is being talked about negatively, especially behind my back >Have become completely resentful of any type of relationship
What do I do at this point? My best idea is to move and start over, I'm out of ideas.
>be me, 13, parents split up at age 5 >live with mom with 3 other siblings, dad is alone >mom is alcoholic and dates men who mean nothing to her to pay bills >dad always asks me to things, i always say no because i am 13 and play vidya >one day dad asks me to go fishing >say no, he sounds rather distraught about this and says he loves me and we hang up >later that night dad has epilepsy seizure and is in a car crash >mom tells me dad was in car crash >this is all anybody knows until we got to ER at the hospital >ask where mr. anon is >they tell us he died >i hear lady at the hospital say this to mom >upon hearing this just stand there for 30 seconds >start crying and running >run outside >run into woods >cry for days in the woods drinking out of shitty stream eating nothing >wake up at daytime and see a family camping with backpacks and tent >think about how dad used to love camping with my family before divorce >start crying >family sees me watching them and crying, the dad approaches me >asks me where my parents are >respond "gone"
>>581230083 look, clinically speaking, if you are like everyone else through sheer mimicry of observation, you are a psychopath, by definition. Wanna know how to get better? Dumb yourself down. Stop wondering, stop worrying, and stop thinking. Become a happy little sheep. Or don't, and be lonely in your overly-intelligent mind.
Really, a psychologist might help, though cutting ties with your family may help too. Don't like the people you see? Go somewhere else. Break out of your (dis)'comfort shell' and go somewhere new.
>start running again >find way back to hospital >hospital isnt far from home >find way back to home >no cars anywhere at home, look inside windows, no one there >try opening doors, locked >wait for hours crying in backyard >mom and 3 siblings arrive back home >all crying, they see me and run to give me hug >all 4 of us hugging now in driveway, people walking by see all of us crying and hugging >2 weeks later, dad's funeral >now 19, depressed beta fag with no job/money >never stop thinking about dad and how he always just wanted to see me because he loved me >feel like shit
>>581231989 You're right, maybe that's for the best. Stop worrying and move out somewhere. I could go out to Indiana and just live with my grandparents for a while, bum it for the summer or something, which is pretty disappointing considering I'm in Florida.
Also, yeah my facial hair is pretty shitty, I'll be honest.
>>581232856 Well, as fair credence, I am a psychopath. I can't form meaningful relationships, and most, if not all, of my interactions on a daily basis are reconstructions of my own concept of the people I interact with. Basically, I feel like I am reading a script. Plus, the whole egocentric thing is both blissful and entirely depressingly lonely.
15 years old good life, good friends. Get xbox for christmas, stop hanging out with friends mostly unless i go over to their house and play vidya. Goes on for a year or so while my parents are fighting and bullshit, i get lost in video games. Dad leaves mom for another girl, Idc i have vidya. Mom can't afford rent, moves in with parents, I move in with dad, 'another girl' doesn't live with him. Idc i have vidya. School starts and i'm living with my broke dad eating one meal a night, one good friend i have that hates his life (lead me to realise my life is worst than his - at least that's what i thought) use to try and give me some school food but i didn't pay attention just played on my phone. Dad eventually becomes too poor and into the dank drugs starts selling stuff - mainly mine. Months later all i have is my laptop, bed, and a phone. No internet on laptop or phone so i just downloaded books from my schools internet onto my phone then read. Dad had to move into his parents house, i moved in with my moms parents instead, thought it'd be nice to have a fresh start. Move then realise i fucking miss the friends that made me day worth living. Never had money for food or nicetes, for my sophmore-college i had 1 meal a day and had the same clothes, had to beg for shampoo so i at least didn't look completly gross at school. How fucked was my life /b/? Sorry my writing skills aren't eloquent
>>581233812 Well, a psychologist may do that for you. For one, their help works best when you form some kind of meaningful relationship with them. Really, push your ass tonight or tomorrow after work to make an appointment with one.
Hah, just last month I had a week of experiencing literal Terror Management. I mean the psych definition of it, the kind where you are pitting your own ego built up on society against your inevitable death. It was a doosie! Needless to say, I made it out alive, and nothing really bothers me anymore since it doesn't matter. When my coworkers tell me to go fuck myself, I laugh in their faces.
>>581235274 At this point I've convinced myself I'm not going to die. I'm probably living in denial but who really knows (which the question itself could be another sign, but I'm not going into a loop) Anyway, usually when coworkers tell me that kind of stuff it's a burden on me all day long, I honestly wish I could just laugh in their faces, but never have drive to. Instead, I try to evaluate whatever it is I did wrong and possibly correct it. No idea why I think like this though, I'd rather tell them off then and there.
>>581213792 the 7 year-old story actually made me tear up. jesus christ... I've never even thought about *actually* committing suicide, but i was never really happy high school-on, I probably come off as depressed most of the time, even though I'm really not anymore. my first thought reading the story was how horrible it would be to be a parent dealing with that, especially if it was seemingly out of nowhere. And then I think of how my dad always ask(ed/s) if I'm alright, and if I'm sure nothing has me down after I answer 'yeah, im fine', how my parents are commenting a lot on how much happier I seem (got a job just one month out of college to start my career, right in Boston, it's great) and I wonder if he's had that worry for the last couple years...
Bit of a background first > Lived with my grandma until I was eight, saw parents once or twice before that > Grandma was an amazing woman, passed when I was eight > Move in with real family in shitty house, in a ghetto area, with no heat > Dad never there except when he came home drunk at night, mom always depressed in her room > Find out I have a 16 year old brother and a 3 year old, retarded, adopted sister > Brother in a gang and selling drugs so he could feed us
Anyways, that was when I was eight so fast forward six years > Look up to brother > Fourteen now > By that time, he leaves to join the Navy > Feel abandoned, starving every night > Dad leaves for good. > Little sister constantly crying from hunger > One night, give her the last of the bread. > Next day I skip school to try and beg for money > Meet a Latino kid around my age, Victor. We call him Vic. > Tell him why I'm begging and he says his home situation is kinda the same. > Asks if I want to start dealing with him. > Agree.
I toy with the thought of killing myself on a daily basis.
My father was an alcoholic -- I never really noticed this; my mother constantly hid it from us when we were kids. Then my grandmother died (whom I was closest to), and the entire family broke apart. My mother left my dad, my father became a drunk mess who spent a lot of time passed out on the floor with a mixture of Klonopins and alcohol. I remember getting off my bus and seeing my dad sitting in his brand new car, backed into a tree in the driveway. He just stared forward and drove away.
He later got arrested for DUI and spent a year in jail. I had to move to a different state entirely with my mother. I started the eighth grade at this new school and had no friends.
I made up elaborate stories about my accomplishments and backgrounds so that people wouldn't shit all over the new kid. I still tell these lies years later, as a senior in high school. I thought my life would get better as time progressed, but it really hasn't.
I don't communicate with my destitute sister (she and I have a hostile relationship). Same case for my older brother and myself.
I speak to my father with contempt -- he loves me but I don't give a shit about him.
I've spent the past 5 years doing nothing but playing video games and browsing the internet. I rarely ever find myself outside, and have only met with people afterschool less than 6 times.
>>581236591 Ah, see I have embraced the knowledge of my own death. It's quite wonderful. Nothing is forever. No embarrassment, no shame, no displeasure. There will always be an end to it eventually. The only thing I can do to really mess it up is get my ass thrown in jail, and I'm not that kind of psychopath http://youtu.be/OG9itZ2gT7Y Nothing gets to me anymore. Nothing matters. Just know, that if you don't like someone, you can replace them in your life. Just ignore their existence, or go somewhere else. It's very, VERY easy. Feel like you like someone? Spend more time with them. It's as if embracing the end has given me freedom. I don't have to deal with the fucktards and shittheads forever. Only as long as I feel like they may be useful or worth keeping. The only thing I've had trouble with was finding meaning in life. I found that it's really just about you. Do what you want, when you want (as long as you understand the consequences!), and never stop wanting. To want is to be alive because life is nothing but a series of cascading chemical reactions that have found a way to resist entropy by creating a barrier of higher-density entropy around it! Life makes waste! Waste makes a faster end to the universe!
>>581237570 > After getting beat in by all the huge ass black OGs, I'm well accepted > The white boy of the set (Crips) > They give me a .22 and I start going with Vic when he makes deals > Tells me I don't have to start dealing the harder shit and I can just sell weed > soundsgood.jpg > Completely rip off the retards who've never smoked before for 20 a gram > Literally sold someone tobacco saying it was chocolate kush
Fast forward a bit, two weeks in the gang now > One of the OGs, Big Chris, or BG, rolls up > "Hop in lil niggas." > Me and Vic get in the backseat, I'm on the passenger side > Older dude in the front named Johnny in the front passenger. > Roll into the next neighborhood over > "Get em ready." > Pull out my .22 as the windows roll down. > BG turns off the headlights > Roll up slowly > Johnny yells and starts shooting into a small crowd of dudes > I close my eyes and squeeze the trigger > Speed home. Get dropped off on my street.
I ran home and threw up after that shit. I still don't know if I killed someone that night. Anyways, will continue.
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